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You vs Crowd
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. " I said to someone who was bit sad they didn't speak to me.. that I'm usually just wandering around, smiling but waiting to be approached.. lazy me  it turned into an interesting exchange of points of view and gender expectations as well. I guess I just enjoy reading body language from a distance, seeing what others do. Also i kept being introduced by friends to new friends, so I didnt really have to do anything. But now I'm thinking... maybe I don't make enough effort? | |||
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"People.love getting attention, asking questions and complimenting, jokes too " But what do you do ? Do you take an initiative? | |||
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"I find groups really awkward.. people assume I’ll be more sociable than I am and I find it really difficult to talk to everyone when I don’t know some people. Especially men.. I’m awkward with men. But I try very hard to get over it.., I’m just very clumsy. " All the assumptions based on our Internet persona eh?  | |||
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. " And KC you are making the way not getting in the way ! | |||
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"People.love getting attention, asking questions and complimenting, jokes too But what do you do ? Do you take an initiative? " Eye contact before approaching, you don't want to invade someone's personal space | |||
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"People.love getting attention, asking questions and complimenting, jokes too But what do you do ? Do you take an initiative? Eye contact before approaching, you don't want to invade someone's personal space " I would absolutely hate that. Some people have zero awareness of what's acceptable in terms of actual distance when you even stand next to someone.. and can be very uncomfortably intense. | |||
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"It's been so long since I've been in that situation that I'm not sure.I think I'm probably somewhere between the two. " It's been quite a while for me too.. I wonder if that had an impact on me being less proactive  still.. fantastic time has been has. | |||
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. " It’s crappy that you feel this way!! You’re absolutely lovely and hilarious in person. One of the most inclusive, easy going people I’ve met. | |||
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. It’s crappy that you feel this way!! You’re absolutely lovely and hilarious in person. One of the most inclusive, easy going people I’ve met. " I second that! | |||
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"I hide as much as possible in a corner if I actually manage to make it into the crowded place. Under the table is preferable but that kind of gets awkward. I am terrified of groups of people." Have you reserved your corner for Manc yet ?  | |||
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. It’s crappy that you feel this way!! You’re absolutely lovely and hilarious in person. One of the most inclusive, easy going people I’ve met. " Those were amazing veris, wish i was there and how great you organised that mini social  | |||
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"I hide as much as possible in a corner if I actually manage to make it into the crowded place. Under the table is preferable but that kind of gets awkward. I am terrified of groups of people. Have you reserved your corner for Manc yet ? "I'm absolutely dreading it, honestly. I'm considering making some kind of box to hide in that one person at a time can enter so I can cope. Luckily I have people who know this and have promised to hold my hands. And drag me in and sit on me if they have to. | |||
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So a part of me tries to overcome my Aspie desire to hide and blend. I do talk to people and I will go over to say hello if I think people will be receptive to me doing so.
I do get people saying hello to me a fair bit, I think I'm quite recognisable and this might sound weird but I'd rather go and say hello on my own steam so I'm more in control of interactions. I try and not stick with my little social group but sometimes I'm really enjoying talking to someone and lose track of time!
I think I'm a confident, overthinking wallflower - work means I'm good at networking if needs be but it being fab related makes me a bit unsure. Unsure I'll be a disappointment or if people will actually want to talk to me. | |||
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. It’s crappy that you feel this way!! You’re absolutely lovely and hilarious in person. One of the most inclusive, easy going people I’ve met. I second that!" Thank you both. I don't generally mind "staying put" but I do get frustrated with constantly having to ask people to move so I can get past (as you saw last weekend). It does start to feel like you are an irritation. I'm naturally a sociable person who enjoys chatting with people..... | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. " I do like little cosy groups too. Toilets chats can be a good ice breaker
We had a pre social.. a group of 4 and it was wonderful to walk in together then look out for one another but also allow ourselves to immerse in the crowd and introduce to common friends.
I feel the same about approaching an "established group of friends" who seem to not need any 3rd wheel aka me | |||
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"Last social I was at - the owners were told it was a school reunion. Then one guy got d*unk and went up to the owner who he no longer recognised and sais ‘so….. how long have you been on Fabswingers?’ Thats one way….. Like any event i think it’s best to chat to a couple of people and through the night other people chat and hopefully they will introduce you and you just get to meet people. Worst mistake is to try and meet everyone and end up flitting everywhere. My abiding memory is meetings a lady I’d been chatting to and as I walked off i heard her say to her friend ‘ fuck - how sexy is he???’ Absolutely made my year!! "Gosh that's a lot of info for me to process. But I like your strategy. | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. I do like little cosy groups too. Toilets chats can be a good ice breaker
We had a pre social.. a group of 4 and it was wonderful to walk in together then look out for one another but also allow ourselves to immerse in the crowd and introduce to common friends.
I feel the same about approaching an "established group of friends" who seem to not need any 3rd wheel aka me "It's lonely in the "accessible" toilet  | |||
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"Last social I was at - the owners were told it was a school reunion. Then one guy got d*unk and went up to the owner who he no longer recognised and sais ‘so….. how long have you been on Fabswingers?’ Thats one way….. Like any event i think it’s best to chat to a couple of people and through the night other people chat and hopefully they will introduce you and you just get to meet people. Worst mistake is to try and meet everyone and end up flitting everywhere. My abiding memory is meetings a lady I’d been chatting to and as I walked off i heard her say to her friend ‘ fuck - how sexy is he???’ Absolutely made my year!!
Gosh that's a lot of info for me to process. But I like your strategy. "Have a feeling you’ll be sought out xx | |||
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"A good chunk of my job involves networking and attending events and exhibitions. I like to work the room, and I like to have at least a brief chat with everyone. I know how to get around a room! When it comes to socials I prefer smaller events to huge ones because at least I feel there's a chance of me speaking to everyone! Sadly on socials I am easily side tracked by a good conversation so at the last good sized one I went to I found myself having spoken to very few people at the end of the evening. I loved meeting the people I spoke to (that's why I got so sidetracked), but there were people there I never even said hi to in passing. Of the 70 or so people there I'd guess I spoke to maybe 25-30, which is a pity." You cannot possibly have a memorable conversation with so many people. I prefer slightly smaller too... but not small enough that you can't split in smaller groups of people who "get you". | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. I do like little cosy groups too. Toilets chats can be a good ice breaker
We had a pre social.. a group of 4 and it was wonderful to walk in together then look out for one another but also allow ourselves to immerse in the crowd and introduce to common friends.
I feel the same about approaching an "established group of friends" who seem to not need any 3rd wheel aka me
It's lonely in the "accessible" toilet "Can I come with you? I always end up pulling the wrong string though | |||
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"I hide as much as possible in a corner if I actually manage to make it into the crowded place. Under the table is preferable but that kind of gets awkward. I am terrified of groups of people. Have you reserved your corner for Manc yet ?
I'm absolutely dreading it, honestly. I'm considering making some kind of box to hide in that one person at a time can enter so I can cope.
Luckily I have people who know this and have promised to hold my hands. And drag me in and sit on me if they have to."That would be an interesting costume Posh
You will fake it and then you'll make it. And holding hands and prancing in together sounds totally fine to me. | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. I do like little cosy groups too. Toilets chats can be a good ice breaker
We had a pre social.. a group of 4 and it was wonderful to walk in together then look out for one another but also allow ourselves to immerse in the crowd and introduce to common friends.
I feel the same about approaching an "established group of friends" who seem to not need any 3rd wheel aka me
It's lonely in the "accessible" toilet
Can I come with you? I always end up pulling the wrong string though "Let's not set off the dizzy alarm, we'll have hoardes of people coming to "rescue" us with our knickers down  | |||
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 or by the buffet snaffling all the cocktail sausages. | |||
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"I don’t do group socials but if I did you would easily find me as I’d be the tall lass propping up the bar or by the buffet snaffling all the cocktail sausages."You can snaffle my sausage   | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. I do like little cosy groups too. Toilets chats can be a good ice breaker
We had a pre social.. a group of 4 and it was wonderful to walk in together then look out for one another but also allow ourselves to immerse in the crowd and introduce to common friends.
I feel the same about approaching an "established group of friends" who seem to not need any 3rd wheel aka me
It's lonely in the "accessible" toilet
Can I come with you? I always end up pulling the wrong string though
Let's not set off the dizzy alarm, we'll have hoardes of people coming to "rescue" us with our knickers down "Actually.. I like this idea even more now.
Instead of Save Our Souls we could chant Shag Or Spank?!  | |||
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"I don’t do group socials but if I did you would easily find me as I’d be the tall lass propping up the bar or by the buffet snaffling all the cocktail sausages."Im having a social in my pants…. Just saying | |||
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"Ah it's complicated.
So a part of me tries to overcome my Aspie desire to hide and blend. I do talk to people and I will go over to say hello if I think people will be receptive to me doing so.
I do get people saying hello to me a fair bit, I think I'm quite recognisable and this might sound weird but I'd rather go and say hello on my own steam so I'm more in control of interactions. I try and not stick with my little social group but sometimes I'm really enjoying talking to someone and lose track of time!
I think I'm a confident, overthinking wallflower - work means I'm good at networking if needs be but it being fab related makes me a bit unsure. Unsure I'll be a disappointment or if people will actually want to talk to me. "I think it's great to get yourself out of your comfort zone and take a first step. The only time it backfired for me when i was trying to clear the air and obviously someone was more interested in being upset with me for an unknown reason storming off to the bathroom like a moody teenager. But as you said being in control is great because at least I know I have tried and my conscience is clear in that matter. Sometimes we just need to accept though we cannot be friends with everyone. And I don't like like force myself on people. | |||
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"I was at the same social as you…" No you weren't. I would recognise the tools. | |||
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"I’m quite outgoing in social situations but not in an overbearing way and I’ve always been happy to attend social events on my own. I’ll always try and chat to the people I want to even if it’s just an hello. A friendly smile and eye contact can go a long way "What about if I come up dancing to you.. | |||
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"I’m quite outgoing in social situations but not in an overbearing way and I’ve always been happy to attend social events on my own. I’ll always try and chat to the people I want to even if it’s just an hello. A friendly smile and eye contact can go a long way
What about if I come up dancing to you.. "The nipple tassels would definitely be an ice breaker | |||
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"I was at the same social as you… No you weren't. I would recognise the tools. "I know, I had a joke, but o can’t be bothered following it through.
Did I just get called a tool?…  | |||
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"I’m quite outgoing in social situations but not in an overbearing way and I’ve always been happy to attend social events on my own. I’ll always try and chat to the people I want to even if it’s just an hello. A friendly smile and eye contact can go a long way
What about if I come up dancing to you.. "Always looking for a new dancing partner | |||
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"This is going to sound awful but I would quickly establish who I’m interested in the most and ensure I talk with them. I guess I feel the time pressure wanting to make best use of that time. I have been in sales all my life so I think that’s why I would take that results oriented approach " Does it work for you or its just a theory? I think slightly opportunistic approach like that can be easy to read. Not necessary to your advantage? | |||
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"I was at the same social as you… No you weren't. I would recognise the tools.
I know, I had a joke, but o can’t be bothered following it through.
Did I just get called a tool?… "Ffs no..
Just referring to your accessories | |||
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"I’m quite outgoing in social situations but not in an overbearing way and I’ve always been happy to attend social events on my own. I’ll always try and chat to the people I want to even if it’s just an hello. A friendly smile and eye contact can go a long way
What about if I come up dancing to you..
Always looking for a new dancing partner "You are the dancing queen | |||
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"Definitely a wallflower. Quiet but approachable. " Imagine a room full of only loud people trying to outdo each other. What a nightmare. We need all kinds. | |||
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"Nowadays, I often get stuck in a corner and mainly get in everyone else's way. I probably stay put more than I used to. It’s crappy that you feel this way!! You’re absolutely lovely and hilarious in person. One of the most inclusive, easy going people I’ve met. I second that! Thank you both. I don't generally mind "staying put" but I do get frustrated with constantly having to ask people to move so I can get past (as you saw last weekend). It does start to feel like you are an irritation. I'm naturally a sociable person who enjoys chatting with people....." Looking forward to meeting you soon x | |||
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"We used to be very shy at clubs/social events but now we just get stuck in lol. Initial contact can be awkward at times but we just say hello to people and go from there,you still get the odd singles/couples who walk around with ther noses in the air,we stay away from those lol Generally we will talk to anyone and everyone if they seem open "Practice makes things easier.. that applies to social skills based on your experience. Glad you overcame your shyness. | |||
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"I went to my first and only MnG last year and I'd never met anyone there. There were a few I knew from a chat group so I was happy to chat to them as well as the organisers. I'm not one to impose myself on others especially when it's obvious they all know each other and I'm an outsider so I don't mingle but can happily chat to anyone I'm sitting beside. " Shove your bum then and let's chat
I found I was most comfortable chatting at the bar..I should just position myself there permanently. | |||
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"We sit in a corner and judge the fuck out of everyone else!" Are you taking notes too? | |||
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"I’m ok at socialising although usually I hold back when others are talking and they don’t make eye contact with others outside. Some people are very unsure how to include new people so there can be difficulties from both sides. I don’t think there’s anyone I haven’t been pleased to speak to, even if it’s to confirm that the twat from the other department is indeed a twat "I Will hold back around overwhelming people who hog the chat. I just get irritated. And sometimes I'm bad with eye contact when I speak because other faces can be super distracting | |||
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Then I'll do the same as if I don't know anyone and read the room and decide who if anyone I want to speak to. If they're busy chatting tho I tend not to go over and think if they wanna talk to me they will at some point. | |||
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"Last social I was at - the owners were told it was a school reunion. Then one guy got d*unk and went up to the owner who he no longer recognised and sais ‘so….. how long have you been on Fabswingers?’ Thats one way….. Like any event i think it’s best to chat to a couple of people and through the night other people chat and hopefully they will introduce you and you just get to meet people. Worst mistake is to try and meet everyone and end up flitting everywhere. My abiding memory is meetings a lady I’d been chatting to and as I walked off i heard her say to her friend ‘ fuck - how sexy is he???’ Absolutely made my year!!
Gosh that's a lot of info for me to process. But I like your strategy.
Have a feeling you’ll be sought out xx"I'll wear a hat and big sunglasses then | |||
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"I went to my first and only MnG last year and I'd never met anyone there. There were a few I knew from a chat group so I was happy to chat to them as well as the organisers. I'm not one to impose myself on others especially when it's obvious they all know each other and I'm an outsider so I don't mingle but can happily chat to anyone I'm sitting beside. Shove your bum then and let's chat
I found I was most comfortable chatting at the bar..I should just position myself there permanently. "I'm teetotal which can be an advantage at times but a hindrance at others so I'll wave at you from the other side of the room | |||
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"I don’t do group socials but if I did you would easily find me as I’d be the tall lass propping up the bar or by the buffet snaffling all the cocktail sausages."I'd drag to you one if I had such a power. | |||
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"I went to my first and only MnG last year and I'd never met anyone there. There were a few I knew from a chat group so I was happy to chat to them as well as the organisers. I'm not one to impose myself on others especially when it's obvious they all know each other and I'm an outsider so I don't mingle but can happily chat to anyone I'm sitting beside. Shove your bum then and let's chat
I found I was most comfortable chatting at the bar..I should just position myself there permanently.
I'm teetotal which can be an advantage at times but a hindrance at others so I'll wave at you from the other side of the room "Moctails?
It's ok waving is passé. Let's come up with other hand signals.. | |||
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Generally speaking, in a social setting, I can range from hiding in the corner cowering behind my drink, to leading the sing'a'long to "Delilah"; all depends on my mood that day, how inclusive that particular crowd has made me feel, and how much Rum is in me! | |||
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"I don’t do group socials but if I did you would easily find me as I’d be the tall lass propping up the bar or by the buffet snaffling all the cocktail sausages.
You can snaffle my sausage "Fiddles! Is this what you do in social setting?.waving your sausage .. | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious." I am really considering a name badge for the next one.. had to spell it so many times and also easy for others to navigate closer to me.. or further away!  | |||
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"We like to approach people and also hope we are approachable. But we wouldn’t go around and start poking into conversations. We’d bide our time. Unless the music starts and we’d probably be dancing then…
K"If you have a dancing card K.. I'm signing up | |||
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"I am an ambivert so this is a tricky answer for me. Through work I network daily but also enjoy time alone out with one or two people socially. I can and at times will mingle and ‘own’ the room other times I’m happy people watching, it really depends on my energy levels. At the recent Northampton social my energy levels were depleted so I took more of a backseat to the event. Though I will always invest more of myself into people I believe are like minded." I relate to the last sentence. Effort I make is usually proportional to my interest not just the need for mass approval and need to be known/recognised by all. | |||
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"They terrify me. I'd find myself a seat with a vantage point then smile and nod a lot. I can't stand for long because of my arthritis "A nice bar stool perhaps to prevent the pain and a great friendly bar staff would put you at ease. I always have a favourite. | |||
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"It can work either way for me, combination of my general mood, sociable or not, the vibe in the room, and who I start talking to, hit it off, or not. I have to say though, the older I get, the more I like people about, but the need to actually talk is diminishing. " So just embracing the presence? it's rare thing to be comfortably silent with someone. | |||
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"No idea about 'working a room' - wallflower." How often people approach you? Just wondering what is it like ? | |||
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"I’m quite outgoing in social situations but not in an overbearing way and I’ve always been happy to attend social events on my own. I’ll always try and chat to the people I want to even if it’s just an hello. A friendly smile and eye contact can go a long way
What about if I come up dancing to you..
The nipple tassels would definitely be an ice breaker "My nipples are too prominent for them to stay on.. I did try ! | |||
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"Usually try to have a quick chat with as many people as possible. Depends how they react when we approach. If a quick "hiya, we're Liz and Paul" gets a sort of grunt as a reply, smile, say see you later and move on. We've met some who are hard work, don't try any longer, move along the bus. "It cannot be one sided effort.. awkward as hell. | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious." I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! | |||
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"I’m quite outgoing in social situations but not in an overbearing way and I’ve always been happy to attend social events on my own. I’ll always try and chat to the people I want to even if it’s just an hello. A friendly smile and eye contact can go a long way
What about if I come up dancing to you..
Always looking for a new dancing partner "You got it. | |||
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"I’ll talk to anyone me " even the butt head ? | |||
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"Depends if I know anyone. If I do I'll gravitate to those I know and see how I'm received
Then I'll do the same as if I don't know anyone and read the room and decide who if anyone I want to speak to. If they're busy chatting tho I tend not to go over and think if they wanna talk to me they will at some point."Imagine if we did queue up to talk to someone...
And yes..they will find the time if they care enough. | |||
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"Having attended a forum group social recently and doing some people watching as well as having few discussions after...I am wondering out loud and hope you will join me.. how do you make sure you don't get lost in a crowd? How do you "work the room" in a social gathering of any kind? Do you stick to your little group? Do you make sure you talk to everyone? Do you aim at certain people who look like your kindred spirit? Are you approachable or a bit of a shy wallflower? Over to you. " I worked the room at the last social I went to. Said hello and chatted for a few minutes until their eyes glazed over then I smiled and moved onto my next victim. I'd rather sit in a corner and people watch. But that's not sociable. Seems to be just a real life version of the forums. Groups of people chatting who are friends. Some sat quietly in the corner watching. A few men huddled together checking out the women and discussing who'd be 'up for it'. | |||
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"This is going to sound awful but I would quickly establish who I’m interested in the most and ensure I talk with them. I guess I feel the time pressure wanting to make best use of that time. I have been in sales all my life so I think that’s why I would take that results oriented approach Does it work for you or its just a theory? I think slightly opportunistic approach like that can be easy to read. Not necessary to your advantage?" In a work environment yes it has and does work for me. Do colleagues notice it probably! Does it piss a few off , I’m guessing yes but to get what you want in that environment it’s probably excepted. At a fab social the only people you would piss off potentially are the ones you’re less interested but I would be aware of that and try to engage with everyone. | |||
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"A definite mingler! X" cracking good. And jingler too seeing Santa outfit? | |||
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"A definite mingler! X cracking good. And jingler too seeing Santa outfit?"Jesus I thought it was Santa hat sorry.. I left my glasses in the kitchen | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! " All well and good until the name badge tells everyone you're PussyDestroyer19 | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! All well and good until the name badge tells everyone you're PussyDestroyer19 "Ive changed it to Pussydestroyer 30 following Adeles album titles!! | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! All well and good until the name badge tells everyone you're PussyDestroyer19 "If its a version 19.. we should be glad it's been worked on and improved. Could have been PussyDestroyerPrototype | |||
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"I’ll talk to anyone me
even the butt head ? "No. Not Butthead | |||
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"Never been to one, so really have no idea how I'd interact or come accross?
Generally speaking, in a social setting, I can range from hiding in the corner cowering behind my drink, to leading the sing'a'long to "Delilah"; all depends on my mood that day, how inclusive that particular crowd has made me feel, and how much Rum is in me! "Ahoy captain...;-) fancy a sing off ? | |||
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if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K | |||
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"I’ll talk to anyone me
even the butt head ?
No. Not Butthead "Phew.. | |||
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"I will hide behind Lorenzo and hope nobody can see me if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K"Or don't pass out so you'll forget that you met someone | |||
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"We like to approach people and also hope we are approachable. But we wouldn’t go around and start poking into conversations. We’d bide our time. Unless the music starts and we’d probably be dancing then…
K"I say you are free to come and poke me..! | |||
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"Bit of a shy wallflower in group situations. "See even works in a forum! People don't see me. | |||
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"I'm a wallflower it's why I don't go to clubs anymore or social events. Basically I'm a bit of a loner these days find it hard to make and keep friends "Did something happen to cause that? Because I'm guessing it wasn't always like this. If you miss it I hope you find the strength and courage to change it. | |||
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"I will hide behind Lorenzo and hope nobody can see me if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K"Noooo don't hide K! | |||
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"I prefer to arrive early, that way hopefully someone will cone and speak to me. Always difficult arriving late and trying to merge into a conversation. Alternatively pick the shy lady in the corner and ask "Do you know anyone here? Im new so dont know anyone", if they say no, introduce myself and say well at least know we know each other. "That's couple of good tips for those who find it hard!. | |||
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"Bit of a shy wallflower in group situations.
See even works in a forum!
People don't see me. "Would you like a naked bro hug? | |||
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"Bit of a shy wallflower in group situations.
See even works in a forum!
People don't see me. "I'll get to you! Zero patience | |||
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"I hide in a corner behind a glass of wine and my glasses, im bloody useless at life sometimes. " Corners are good places to hang out at. Position of power and good view | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! " That made me laugh because I would think..oh she is an "outsider"...should she be at this gathering ... | |||
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"I will hide behind Lorenzo and hope nobody can see me if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K
Or don't pass out so you'll forget that you met someone "Or that you do remember us now though, don't you?
K | |||
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"I'm the one who bursts into a social event and skips around greeting everyone! I like to try to at the least have a small conversation with as many people as possible! I'm aware I maybe a little full on at times so I try to hold back a little... "A bit like a Fab Tinkerbell
Sprinkling words and smiles. | |||
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"I will hide behind Lorenzo and hope nobody can see me if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K
Or don't pass out so you'll forget that you met someone
Or that you do remember us now though, don't you?
K"Absolutely. Haha. X | |||
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"I will hide behind Lorenzo and hope nobody can see me if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K
Noooo don't hide K!
"I would never hide from you, I need my booby hugs!
But 300 people is waaay too many for me to be comfortable
K | |||
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"Having attended a forum group social recently and doing some people watching as well as having few discussions after...I am wondering out loud and hope you will join me.. how do you make sure you don't get lost in a crowd? How do you "work the room" in a social gathering of any kind? Do you stick to your little group? Do you make sure you talk to everyone? Do you aim at certain people who look like your kindred spirit? Are you approachable or a bit of a shy wallflower? Over to you. I worked the room at the last social I went to. Said hello and chatted for a few minutes until their eyes glazed over then I smiled and moved onto my next victim. I'd rather sit in a corner and people watch. But that's not sociable. Seems to be just a real life version of the forums. Groups of people chatting who are friends. Some sat quietly in the corner watching. A few men huddled together checking out the women and discussing who'd be 'up for it'. "I love seeing how some vary from who they are here. Some don't translate well in text! | |||
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"This is going to sound awful but I would quickly establish who I’m interested in the most and ensure I talk with them. I guess I feel the time pressure wanting to make best use of that time. I have been in sales all my life so I think that’s why I would take that results oriented approach Does it work for you or its just a theory? I think slightly opportunistic approach like that can be easy to read. Not necessary to your advantage? In a work environment yes it has and does work for me. Do colleagues notice it probably! Does it piss a few off , I’m guessing yes but to get what you want in that environment it’s probably excepted. At a fab social the only people you would piss off potentially are the ones you’re less interested but I would be aware of that and try to engage with everyone. " But if aren't interested in that interaction then do you actually truly care what they think | |||
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"Buy of a shy wallflower in group situations. "You could never tell from the way you engage here | |||
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"There needs to be a pretty fundamental personality mismatch for me to not want to talk to someone; as such I think I get on with most people and I’d like to think I’m approachable, as being ‘difficult’ or offish to others is something I dislike in people. That said, I’m not a social butterfly. I won’t go around a group of people trying to chat to everyone, that’s just not me." Fundamental personality mismatch sounds serious and its hard to determine at first encounter I suppose. | |||
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"I will hide behind Lorenzo and hope nobody can see me if I spot a familiar face I might come out of my hiding for a bit. But make sure you won't blink or you'll miss it
K
Noooo don't hide K!
I would never hide from you, I need my booby hugs!
But 300 people is waaay too many for me to be comfortable
K"It's a lot of people! There will be quiet areas and there will be booby hugs aplenty for you. | |||
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"Buy of a shy wallflower in group situations.
You could never tell from the way you engage here "I've always been socially awkward in public. | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! All well and good until the name badge tells everyone you're PussyDestroyer19 " Yeah I should change my name before the next social. Try shouting that out across a busy pub! | |||
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"I wouldnt know what to do really. It would be awful to turn up alone but I dont really have anyone to go with so do you just sidle up to people you think you may know or squeal out a big hello or just peep in through a window and think no way "I’m guessing that you turn up with a big name badge with your user name on so people can go and check your nudes and preferences and decide whether to come and talk to you or not! | |||
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"I wouldnt know what to do really. It would be awful to turn up alone but I dont really have anyone to go with so do you just sidle up to people you think you may know or squeal out a big hello or just peep in through a window and think no way
I’m guessing that you turn up with a big name badge with your user name on so people can go and check your nudes and preferences and decide whether to come and talk to you or not! "Ah well that sounds much easier then | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names. "I never even considered badges I thought we would have to guess by thighs and forearms and things | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. " This is how I think we are, especially the intruding part
D. | |||
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"I suppose I’m comfortable in any social setting really. I suppose with group socials they could be cliquey, as regulars would be rewarded with regular places etc, but I wouldn’t bother either joining established groups, or other single people. Happy having completely daft and random chats alongside more intelligent conversations, and like to think I’m adaptable with all types of people / personalities. " Adaptability is a pretty important social skill. You'd do just fine if you are capable of switching between serious and cheeky and cheesy! | |||
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"I’m rubbish in large groups. I like the idea of a group social but I know I will end up not really speaking to people unless they come and speak to me. I’m fine one to one or up to about a group of 4 but then any more and I just withdraw. I know a lot of it these days is because after a life time of load concerts, it there’s a lot of background noise then I can only hear what the person next to me is saying so I miss most of the conversation in a large group. It’s weird, because I have no problems standing up in front of a large number of people to speak, but interacting with them socially just doesn’t work. " I don't reckon it is weird? It requires very different approach and nothing wrong with waiting to be approached too..if hosts are good they will make sure you feel included and looked after, introduce you to the more sociable one and pass the baton.. then confidence for most just rolls out together with one's tongue if it got a bit tied, I find? Also large groups tend to split into small circles anyway. I wish someone would film it with a drone from the top.. then draw a map of peoples pathways through the room | |||
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"I don’t mind getting lost in the crowd. I flit from one space to another. I find it easy to make conversation with people I haven’t met before. I find this preferable to being centre of attention of vying for my voice to be heard in a big group. To be fair I’m that noisy you probably can hear me anyway. " You are so easy to talk to | |||
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"I let the alcohol guide me. How did I do btw? Don't answer that actually " Happens to the best players;-) | |||
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"I wouldnt know what to do really. It would be awful to turn up alone but I dont really have anyone to go with so do you just sidle up to people you think you may know or squeal out a big hello or just peep in through a window and think no way "Like through a window of a sweet shop? No fun licking the glass - equivalent of lurking here perhaps? | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! All well and good until the name badge tells everyone you're PussyDestroyer19
Yeah I should change my name before the next social. Try shouting that out across a busy pub!"I do have a proposal.. sent you something;-) | |||
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"I wouldnt know what to do really. It would be awful to turn up alone but I dont really have anyone to go with so do you just sidle up to people you think you may know or squeal out a big hello or just peep in through a window and think no way
I’m guessing that you turn up with a big name badge with your user name on so people can go and check your nudes and preferences and decide whether to come and talk to you or not! "I actually think some do that ! I've been abruptly asked before what's my username and someone pulled out a phone to check me out in front of me | |||
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But there's unfinished business...I'm going to the next one! | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names. "I think someone said placard on Manc thread.. | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names.
I never even considered badges I thought we would have to guess by thighs and forearms and things "This would make an interesting game.. recognise an attendee by a body part | |||
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"I'm probably most likely to speak to new people in the smoking area or toilets...inside the venue I'm more likely to stick to people I know. It depends, I'm not shy or afraid to talk to anyone, but suppose I can be hesitant and don't want to intrude on a group of people who are already chatting. This is how I think we are, especially the intruding part
D."Budge up haha sometimes you have to when popular ones are hogged | |||
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"I’d definitely be the one no one realised was there. Sometimes I like to recreate that feeling by posting in forum threads "Quiet as a mouse. Yet the quiet ones carry loud dangerous surprises usually | |||
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"I don’t mind getting lost in the crowd. I flit from one space to another. I find it easy to make conversation with people I haven’t met before. I find this preferable to being centre of attention of vying for my voice to be heard in a big group. To be fair I’m that noisy you probably can hear me anyway. You are so easy to talk to "Oh you! I really love a good chinwag and a giggle. It’s the shutting me up that’s the really difficult part. | |||
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"I also very recently attended a social. It was my first and I didn't know what to expect, despite otherwise being an assured and confident person. I was extremely cautious but I introduced myself to those who were in close proximity to me (because of the obvious eye-contact and smile). However I remained more or less fixated and didn't mingle as much as I would have liked to. I'm not good at making eye-contact further afield because it can be misconstrued; I just glance and 'pan' my eyes across the room to "work the room". I'm quite perceptive but not enough to identify who/what my kindred spirit is...as long as that person can me smile and laugh then it's a great starter for ten. And yes, there were a few women there whose inadvertent gravitational influence was stronger than a planetary object: I didn't have the courage to slip and slide my way towards them through the puddles of testosterone in which they were already drowning in.
But there's unfinished business...I'm going to the next one!"Hahaha puddles of testosterone.. slippery conditions can be risky .. I think you did well for yourself focusing on just being you and making sure those in close proximity were given attention and I'm sure good conversation as well. And yes. Here is to the next one. | |||
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"Reg is very good at socialising/ approaching people… being the life and soul…I’m more likely to be hiding behind him… or sat in a corner people watching.. "You must be really good at other things then
Watching is incredibly entertaining! | |||
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"I've never been in that situation myself but I know that if I was, I would look around, suss out the folks I most wanted to go contact, and go contact them. No messing. If those I wouldn't go to actually choose to come to me, I would be polite, but my no thanks would be a no thanks quite early on in the conversation so there is no ambiguity or awkwardness to follow. Effective communication is always key, and I only regret the things I don't do!" No regrets needed in these circumstances... Best to be able say at least I gave it a go. | |||
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"I just go round talk to everybody tend to have a laugh folk normally like me when I’m out just on here where I’m hated " It's a rough and tough crowd to please here. Just specific of the website. I hope you don't really feel hated? That's quite a strong word. I think most people are just indifferent if anything. | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names.
I never even considered badges I thought we would have to guess by thighs and forearms and things
This would make an interesting game.. recognise an attendee by a body part "Ladies will have to get their bums out. I have successfully identified 4 retreads by their bottoms..
In truth, at a social I would be rubbish as I don't fare well in large groups. Even if I recognise someone I have chatted to in a group, I wouldn't go over. I could try ambushing her on the way back from the loos or something.. | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names. "Considering these socials are in public are you absolutely sure we should have pictures A4 sized?….. Cock pics, tits, bums….. | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I hate having to ask who people are. Name badges would be great. Nothing worse than me saying hi it's Outsider and they just look at me blankly 'no idea who you are'! All well and good until the name badge tells everyone you're PussyDestroyer19
Yeah I should change my name before the next social. Try shouting that out across a busy pub!"I'm changing mine to Michael Hunt. | |||
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"I try to circulate, to try to speak to everyone there, however briefly. Some clearly would rather I didn’t so I just move away again. I’m shy by nature so I force myself to be forward. Luckily, many swingers are friendly enough to approach. " Yes. Maybe it comes with the swing package. Most surely are and that's why these things/events work. And get repeated. | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names.
I never even considered badges I thought we would have to guess by thighs and forearms and things
This would make an interesting game.. recognise an attendee by a body part
Ladies will have to get their bums out. I have successfully identified 4 retreads by their bottoms..
In truth, at a social I would be rubbish as I don't fare well in large groups. Even if I recognise someone I have chatted to in a group, I wouldn't go over. I could try ambushing her on the way back from the loos or something.."Ambush on the way from the loo.. ill be sliding across the walls if that's the case and sticking my mirror out around the corners | |||
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"I’d definitely be the one no one realised was there. Sometimes I like to recreate that feeling by posting in forum threads
Quiet as a mouse. Yet the quiet ones carry loud dangerous surprises usually "The meek will inherit the girth | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names.
I never even considered badges I thought we would have to guess by thighs and forearms and things
This would make an interesting game.. recognise an attendee by a body part
Ladies will have to get their bums out. I have successfully identified 4 retreads by their bottoms..
In truth, at a social I would be rubbish as I don't fare well in large groups. Even if I recognise someone I have chatted to in a group, I wouldn't go over. I could try ambushing her on the way back from the loos or something..
Ambush on the way from the loo.. ill be sliding across the walls if that's the case and sticking my mirror out around the corners "I'll take that as a no then. One less to worry about.. | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names.
Considering these socials are in public are you absolutely sure we should have pictures A4 sized?…..
Cock pics, tits, bums….. "Just a size of phone screen for accuracy of visual memories. | |||
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"I reckon people should have an A4 badge with their profile pic on. More easily recognisable than names.
I never even considered badges I thought we would have to guess by thighs and forearms and things
This would make an interesting game.. recognise an attendee by a body part
Ladies will have to get their bums out. I have successfully identified 4 retreads by their bottoms..
In truth, at a social I would be rubbish as I don't fare well in large groups. Even if I recognise someone I have chatted to in a group, I wouldn't go over. I could try ambushing her on the way back from the loos or something..
Ambush on the way from the loo.. ill be sliding across the walls if that's the case and sticking my mirror out around the corners
I'll take that as a no then. One less to worry about.."I'm just picking on your choice of word "ambush " made me chuckle;-) | |||
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"Wall flower till you get me to smile ?? " I pull silly faces with ease. Consider it done | |||
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"I'm a wallflower it's why I don't go to clubs anymore or social events. Basically I'm a bit of a loner these days find it hard to make and keep friends
Did something happen to cause that? Because I'm guessing it wasn't always like this. If you miss it I hope you find the strength and courage to change it. "No nothing apart from old age and a great lack of self confidence | |||
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"I’m rubbish in large groups. I like the idea of a group social but I know I will end up not really speaking to people unless they come and speak to me. I’m fine one to one or up to about a group of 4 but then any more and I just withdraw. I know a lot of it these days is because after a life time of load concerts, it there’s a lot of background noise then I can only hear what the person next to me is saying so I miss most of the conversation in a large group. It’s weird, because I have no problems standing up in front of a large number of people to speak, but interacting with them socially just doesn’t work. I don't reckon it is weird? It requires very different approach and nothing wrong with waiting to be approached too..if hosts are good they will make sure you feel included and looked after, introduce you to the more sociable one and pass the baton.. then confidence for most just rolls out together with one's tongue if it got a bit tied, I find? Also large groups tend to split into small circles anyway. I wish someone would film it with a drone from the top.. then draw a map of peoples pathways through the room "Hmm, I don’t know why, but it never occurred to me that there would be hosts as such, I figured it would just be a room full of random people, and Ive no idea how big these things are, I’ve heard the Manchester one is over 200 people so I was just imagining it being like walking into a large place with a huge number of people you don’t know in it. | |||
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"I'm do come across a bit blunt tho, the first thing I ask is "who are you?" which sounds awful when I think about it but when I ask my brain is simply trying to make a link. I'd feel a right cunt if I didn't speak to someone who I respect/admire or give them a stand offish response because I didn't realise who they were and was being cautious. I am really considering a name badge for the next one.. had to spell it so many times and also easy for others to navigate closer to me.. or further away! "I had this at Northampton, I resorted to saying I'm the star wars pants woman | |||
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