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Male vs Female Pleasure & the Power Dynamic

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So I’ve been pondering… (never a good thing I know!)

But we are supposed to be in enlightened equal times nowadays.. but when it comes to sex & power dynamics I’m not sure we have reached equality.

So many photos & videos of women being face fucked.. fucked from behind.. men holding down womens heads, women in restraints etc..

Are us women naturally subservient in sex.. do most men want to take control and if so why do we let them?

Other than the odd female Domme (when usually sex doesn’t take place)

Are we in control?

Where’s the women on top, where’s the men having their arse spanked, wrists tied to the bed so they are not in control at all..(I know it does happen but definitely not as much!)

It feels like sometimes we are just here for men to fulfill their needs!

I know plenty of lovely respectful considerate men so it’s not a rant more an observation!

Please debate & discuss…

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I agree. It does the seem that way. I’m the opposite. I’d rather be the one doing the tying and the spanking

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By *his_Kitty_ScratchesWoman over a year ago

WSM

Id imagine it’s what they enjoy? Especially if they are sharing their pictures of it on their profiles

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

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By * Sophie xTV/TS over a year ago

Derby

There are men who love being spanked, bitten, strapped to a rotating cross and then flogged and paddled but aren't totally submissive. They give and take in varying measures depending on who they're with and how things are going in the moment.

I should know, I'm one of them and I don't mean when I'm dressed up as Sophie.

I carry my bruises and welts with pride

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good point OP! I’d admit that while I’m usually the one ‘in charge’, I equally love Being the good boy when told to do so. Too much to enjoy to be in the same position all the time

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By *drian HardthrobMan over a year ago

Worcester

Submission is power

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Id imagine it’s what they enjoy? Especially if they are sharing their pictures of it on their profiles "

More often it’s guys sharing on their profiles not the women though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I agree. It does the seem that way. I’m the opposite. I’d rather be the one doing the tying and the spanking

Exactly.. not necessarily in a Domme way though.. more a woman in control & taking the lead!

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

I actually feel more free when I am restrained.

To me, handing over control to someone I trust is a huge stimulation in itself.

I also love being left with some lovely red bum cheeks at least.

But I definitely do agree it does often seem one sided but I know I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable switching

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

But are we conditioned to be dominated & vice versa men conditioned to be alpha Dom’s?

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By *his_Kitty_ScratchesWoman over a year ago

WSM

"Id imagine it’s what they enjoy? Especially if they are sharing their pictures of it on their profiles

More often it’s guys sharing on their profiles not the women though."

I don’t like that, or any action shots personally but I do absolutely enjoy being a submissive, I hold my whole life together by myself so I like to let someone else be in control in the bedroom, it’s a massive stress reliever for me and having a few times I can stop organising and planning and sorting things is absolute bliss to me, if I had to take the lead their too I’d probably just not bother

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I must say, I am naturally submissive sexually. I'm NOT submissive in other areas of life though. No idea what any of that means though (if anything at all)

Mrs KC

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

That's the influence of porn for you!

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple over a year ago

liverpool

Surely they're in that situation because they enjoy it, nothing to do with power. Certainly can't imagine a woman saying please tie me up and degrade me I hate it, but it makes you happy so OK.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I agree. It does the seem that way. I’m the opposite. I’d rather be the one doing the tying and the spanking

Exactly.. not necessarily in a Domme way though.. more a woman in control & taking the lead!"

Oh god yeah. Definitely not in a domme way for me. More in control, taking the lead and teasing

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"I agree. It does the seem that way. I’m the opposite. I’d rather be the one doing the tying and the spanking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

But are we conditioned to be dominated & vice versa men conditioned to be alpha Dom’s?"

I don’t like the term alpha Dom.

Ethical Dom for me. As for the question, I’m going to have to think about it.

I guess life and it’s experiences has contributed to me being more submissive?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If I don't feel in control of sex, I get out, regardless of any power play that might be involved. It's play.

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Surely they're in that situation because they enjoy it, nothing to do with power. Certainly can't imagine a woman saying please tie me up and degrade me I hate it, but it makes you happy so OK."

It happens, far too frequently, because that's what they're often/sometimes conditioned to think is the only way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!"

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok.. taking feedback on board..

Lots of women enjoy being submissive.. but why is that? (Pondering again…)

Is it traditional masculine vs feminine/biology?

No right or wrong, as I said I can and will be submissive but it just feels like women are more acceptingly submissive in the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always see it as just something people are into. I've never had sex where I feel I'm submitting to someone. That isn't my nature at all. Sex for me is always on equal terms. The control thing really doesn't enter into it at all. Can't say I've ever felt I'm here to fulfil a man's needs. I always make sure I'm getting mine fulfilled. If he doesn't get his fulfilled that's his lookout. He knows what I'm about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip? "

Yeah I guess I kind of do.. but I also get that doesn’t work for everyone but I do think it’s good to exert control every now and again, keeps it fresh!

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Yep it does seem that way in my experience what I want as a man but also what the vast majority of women want from me. I don’t think it has anything to do with porn or conditioning I think it’s more primal , for myself at least , never really watched much porn.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!"

I’m not sure all can or want to.. I know that for me I’ve always had this side and it’s always been how I think.. maybe it’s not something you can switch on and off.. for me it’s not. It’s very much my personality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I always see it as just something people are into. I've never had sex where I feel I'm submitting to someone. That isn't my nature at all. Sex for me is always on equal terms. The control thing really doesn't enter into it at all. Can't say I've ever felt I'm here to fulfil a man's needs. I always make sure I'm getting mine fulfilled. If he doesn't get his fulfilled that's his lookout. He knows what I'm about. "

Can you write a book and give us tips please

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip?

Yeah I guess I kind of do.. but I also get that doesn’t work for everyone but I do think it’s good to exert control every now and again, keeps it fresh!

I can see what you’re saying, but I honestly don’t know if I’d be comfortable switching. We do other things to keep it fresh

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

"Ok.. taking feedback on board..

Lots of women enjoy being submissive.. but why is that? (Pondering again…)

Is it traditional masculine vs feminine/biology?

No right or wrong, as I said I can and will be submissive but it just feels like women are more acceptingly submissive in the bedroom."

It's definitely not traditional biology for me - I grew up being quite a 'tomboy'. My parents were quite relaxed and happy for me to help work in the garage or baking in the kitchen. Gender roles weren't really a thing.

I'm also very in control in my day to day life, being a lone parent and working full time in a job.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yep it does seem that way in my experience what I want as a man but also what the vast majority of women want from me. I don’t think it has anything to do with porn or conditioning I think it’s more primal , for myself at least , never really watched much porn. "

As in its primal for you to take control?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Ok.. taking feedback on board..

Lots of women enjoy being submissive.. but why is that? (Pondering again…)

Is it traditional masculine vs feminine/biology?

No right or wrong, as I said I can and will be submissive but it just feels like women are more acceptingly submissive in the bedroom."

No idea, but I am NOT feminine in my every day demeanor. One of my nicknames at school had the word "Man" in it and I've often been considered very masculine in my way of thinking and working (not that I personally agree with this description or that one can be masculine/feminine in such ways). In fact, the only time I might be stereotypically "female" is in the bedroom and then, mainly with Mr KC because...... trust.

I haven't tried to psychological analyse myself though!

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By *oxesMan over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"So I’ve been pondering… (never a good thing I know!)

But we are supposed to be in enlightened equal times nowadays.. but when it comes to sex & power dynamics I’m not sure we have reached equality.

So many photos & videos of women being face fucked.. fucked from behind.. men holding down womens heads, women in restraints etc..

Are us women naturally subservient in sex.. do most men want to take control and if so why do we let them?

Other than the odd female Domme (when usually sex doesn’t take place)

Are we in control?

Where’s the women on top, where’s the men having their arse spanked, wrists tied to the bed so they are not in control at all..(I know it does happen but definitely not as much!)

It feels like sometimes we are just here for men to fulfill their needs!

I know plenty of lovely respectful considerate men so it’s not a rant more an observation!

Please debate & discuss…

There is nothing wrong with pondering. Reflection is how we understand or make sense of there world especially when there is no real correct answer.

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

^ what Saff said much more eloquently than my tired brain could

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip?

Yeah I guess I kind of do.. but I also get that doesn’t work for everyone but I do think it’s good to exert control every now and again, keeps it fresh!

But if you're submissive it's part of you. It's not a game. I can't just turn it on and off again at will. I can't force myself to switch and flip.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it. "

Do you find it uncomfortable seeing/watching submissive women?

I’m kinda asking this as a fab male friend had a day with 2 submissive women.. shared pics (with consent) and I kinda thought you’re sorted but what about them!

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple over a year ago

liverpool

"Surely they're in that situation because they enjoy it, nothing to do with power. Certainly can't imagine a woman saying please tie me up and degrade me I hate it, but it makes you happy so OK.

It happens, far too frequently, because that's what they're often/sometimes conditioned to think is the only way"

Thats sad if they do. I'd only want to be in control in that situation because she wants me to be. I'm not submissive and would never want to be so I make that clear and would expect the same clear communication from anyone I play with

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

Do you find it uncomfortable seeing/watching submissive women?

I’m kinda asking this as a fab male friend had a day with 2 submissive women.. shared pics (with consent) and I kinda thought you’re sorted but what about them!"

Did they not enjoy themselves?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip?

Yeah I guess I kind of do.. but I also get that doesn’t work for everyone but I do think it’s good to exert control every now and again, keeps it fresh!

But if you're submissive it's part of you. It's not a game. I can't just turn it on and off again at will. I can't force myself to switch and flip. "

Exactly this. The submission is real.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it. "

Yet people who know me cannot believe I do.. it’s a funny old thing that’s in the brain. It’s who I am.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This site is going to be skewed in terms of kink because it's a swinger site. Male/female couples. On kink sites I see plenty of female switches and dommes and male subs - photos and video too.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

I feel that the imbalance is more in terms of sexual politics and the passivity that leads up to the act of sex, where men are expected to be the instigators and aggressors. That’s where I perceive a lack of equality

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple over a year ago

liverpool

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

Do you find it uncomfortable seeing/watching submissive women?

I’m kinda asking this as a fab male friend had a day with 2 submissive women.. shared pics (with consent) and I kinda thought you’re sorted but what about them!

Did they not enjoy themselves? "

The OP does seem to imply that because someone was submissive they didn't enjoy themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So I’ve been pondering… (never a good thing I know!)

But we are supposed to be in enlightened equal times nowadays.. but when it comes to sex & power dynamics I’m not sure we have reached equality.

So many photos & videos of women being face fucked.. fucked from behind.. men holding down womens heads, women in restraints etc..

Are us women naturally subservient in sex.. do most men want to take control and if so why do we let them?

Other than the odd female Domme (when usually sex doesn’t take place)

Are we in control?

Where’s the women on top, where’s the men having their arse spanked, wrists tied to the bed so they are not in control at all..(I know it does happen but definitely not as much!)

It feels like sometimes we are just here for men to fulfill their needs!

I know plenty of lovely respectful considerate men so it’s not a rant more an observation!

Please debate & discuss…

I don’t know op…but it sounds hot.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

Yet people who know me cannot believe I do.. it’s a funny old thing that’s in the brain. It’s who I am. "

Same. I'm sure our friends wouldn't believe it if we told them about our bedroom dynamic. No-one would believe Mr KC likes to be very dominant (with me) nor that I like to submit.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

Do you find it uncomfortable seeing/watching submissive women?

I’m kinda asking this as a fab male friend had a day with 2 submissive women.. shared pics (with consent) and I kinda thought you’re sorted but what about them!"

That’s their thing though. That must be what they want. I don’t find it uncomfortable. I get we’re all different. I did have a friend on here who enjoyed the beating side of it and she sent me pics and I told her not to as I wasn’t at all comfortable with that, to me they were horrendous and knocked me sick but she just kept saying it’s all consensual. Different strokes for different folks etc….

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip?

Yeah I guess I kind of do.. but I also get that doesn’t work for everyone but I do think it’s good to exert control every now and again, keeps it fresh!

But if you're submissive it's part of you. It's not a game. I can't just turn it on and off again at will. I can't force myself to switch and flip. "

And that in itself I can completely understand.. if it’s part of you and you enjoy it I get it.

But.. do women sometimes become conditioned to be submissive?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am naturally submissive and love it when men take charge and wouldn’t be able to do the other way around. It’s just not In my nature but I do see your point

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

We have a dynamic that goes one way. It's not all kink and Ds but it's who we are. She needs me to be assertive. I need her to fight and eventually let me ravage her. It was us before we knew about bdsm and it's us now.

My wife is absolutely my equal in every way that matters. Our roles within the marriage are different but that's a strength to us.

We changed rolls once and I allowed myself to be tied up. (It was my suggestion because I thought I was domineering her and it wasn't really her choice.) I broke the bed getting free then slept for 14 hours straight because I was so freaked out. She was weirded out too but she would enjoy trying with the right person

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

Yet people who know me cannot believe I do.. it’s a funny old thing that’s in the brain. It’s who I am.

Same. I'm sure our friends wouldn't believe it if we told them about our bedroom dynamic. No-one would believe Mr KC likes to be very dominant (with me) nor that I like to submit. "

But is that just your and Mr KC dynamic or would it be the same whoever you are with?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is really interesting question and I’m not sure it comes down to submitting as much as women are softer by nature and less selfish which creates the appearance of submitting.

The dynamic in our relationship is that I will take the lead, I would never use the word Dom. But I am also fully aware that I’m given the lead, I haven’t taken it as some kind of birth right and that is the pleasure she gets from giving it to me. The power is very much equal just different.

The same when we switch. In an instant the roles are reversed yet the power remains equal.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

Do you think we should/need to switch and flip?

Yeah I guess I kind of do.. but I also get that doesn’t work for everyone but I do think it’s good to exert control every now and again, keeps it fresh!

But if you're submissive it's part of you. It's not a game. I can't just turn it on and off again at will. I can't force myself to switch and flip.

And that in itself I can completely understand.. if it’s part of you and you enjoy it I get it.

But.. do women sometimes become conditioned to be submissive?"

From all that I've read, I don't believe so. I think sexual submission is just at a primal level as MrHotNotts said I think.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

Me too! I will submit when I want to, but…..I feel far too many women don’t/won’t switch it up & flip the dynamic!

I agree with this. I don’t think I’ve got a submissive bone in my body. Don’t think I could do it.

Yet people who know me cannot believe I do.. it’s a funny old thing that’s in the brain. It’s who I am.

Same. I'm sure our friends wouldn't believe it if we told them about our bedroom dynamic. No-one would believe Mr KC likes to be very dominant (with me) nor that I like to submit.

But is that just your and Mr KC dynamic or would it be the same whoever you are with?"

Now, that's something I really don't know because we've not had enough experience to decide, I don't think. I can't ever see myself being a Domme type at all. In the group thing we experienced before COVID, it was very much me submitting but he was involved. I shall undertake more market research

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

Do you have an example or two Tea? I have started to think along those lines myself, I must admit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am naturally submissive and love it when men take charge and wouldn’t be able to do the other way around. It’s just not In my nature but I do see your point

Ha ha.. love you Mrs Grealish… but yeah I don’t like the not feeling in control.. not that I want to Domme.. but I want to feel a true equal balance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it helps, I've been sexually submissive with every man I've ever been with. I knew I was sub in my late 40s.

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

As in its primal for you to take control?"

Yes, I can’t speak for others but if feels very normal/effortless in and out the bedroom. I think all but 1 or 2 women I’ve met have encouraged it too , some have really pushed my limits to dominate them. But then I don’t find sexually dominant women attractive at all

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I am naturally submissive and love it when men take charge and wouldn’t be able to do the other way around. It’s just not In my nature but I do see your point

Ha ha.. love you Mrs Grealish… but yeah I don’t like the not feeling in control.. not that I want to Domme.. but I want to feel a true equal balance."

This is more me too. Depends who it is also I think.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes. "

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes. "

Exactly this.. I get loads of submissive men messaging, but the lack of dominance too doesn’t do it for me. It’s just more women talk about being submissive and it seems more socially acceptable.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion. "

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m not a fan of the sub stuff really, for girls and blokes.

For me though, there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants!

Also a woman riding is the sexiest position whether that be on a chair or in bed etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

"Great point!! I’m a switch so love the power play dynamic.. I can give as good as I get when there’s a worthy opponent..

This

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

For me at least, submitting sexually is not just about being tied up and being told what to do......

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

Exactly this.. I get loads of submissive men messaging, but the lack of dominance too doesn’t do it for me. It’s just more women talk about being submissive and it seems more socially acceptable. "

I totally agree with it being more socially acceptable for women to be submissive.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!"

Yes! Who’ll let me tie his hands and blindfold him on occasion

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

For me at least, submitting sexually is not just about being tied up and being told what to do...... "

Ditto

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

For me at least, submitting sexually is not just about being tied up and being told what to do...... "

Oh I’m sure it’s not. I really don’t know the ins and outs as it’s never appealed to me at all and I’m certainly not qualified to discuss it in real detail x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!

Yes! Who’ll let me tie his hands and blindfold him on occasion

Indeed! I want someone who will submit & I will in return (or maybe me more in control on the power dynamic

)

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

There was a thread a day or two ago asserting that those with high power jobs are more inclined to be submissive based on the need to ‘release’. That had nothing to do with gender and carries a deal of credence too.

I don’t think that any gender is more inclined to be submissive, I think that a person is likely to or not, just as a person might be dominant, if they’re on the D/s spectrum at all. It’s a part of who you are, like your sexuality or what you’re attracted to.

Perhaps it might appear to be more female sub oriented here, simply because of the dynamics that draw and keep people here, but I don’t believe that it’s anything to do with gender at all

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!

Yes! Who’ll let me tie his hands and blindfold him on occasion

Indeed! I want someone who will submit & I will in return (or maybe me more in control on the power dynamic

If you find one chuck him my way

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’ve never we really thought of D/s an inequality, just different roles. Submissives can be extremely demanding, impatient, moody even aggressive if bratty, certainly don’t feel like their superior !

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!"

Even when I'm submissive I am equal. It is me who with my Dom that's decided what we want to do. Just because I look like I have no power of choice in a picture doesn't mean that is true. I like being tied makes me feel good, I liked being spanked adrenaline rush yes please. Subspace yes please. As a sub I ask for these things because I enjoy them and the Dom enjoys dishing them out. It's all about equality for us

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

Exactly this.. I get loads of submissive men messaging, but the lack of dominance too doesn’t do it for me. It’s just more women talk about being submissive and it seems more socially acceptable.

I totally agree with it being more socially acceptable for women to be submissive. "

And is this the thing.. it’s more socially accepted/expected?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc.."

That to me, is a separate issue to D/s, and purely the way women approach things.

Submission to me is not about being tied up and told what to do either, it’s handing myself over to him, and trusting him with me.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm a switch and personally when in the submissive role, I feel that play is more for me than when in the Dominant role. Play is always caterered around the submissives limits and desires which is as it should be. Don't get me wrong, I get my own kicks from being Dominant. I wouldn't do it otherwise. My focus is on the needs of the submissive though. When I submit, I can just relish in the experience.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!

The power exchange! Each has equal say in what’s happening (we need Mr HH

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

From a guys perspective I think so many in the vanilla life just assume the 'typical' view of male as a Dom and so many couples don't openly discuss sexual preferences for fear of judgement or perhaps hide some kinks for the same reason.

On here people are naturally much more open in general & much more open to exploration and switching roles etc so you find alot more openly sub males than you may expect.

No reason why any sexual relationship shouldn't be one of balance these days, most good relationships are pretty well balanced outside the bedroom right?

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc.."

That’s a fair example.

It goes deeper than that though. How many women on the forums actually make the first move? Send messages? Expect a guy to carry the conversation or even (dare I say it) place the expectation of performance on the man? Quite a lot!

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!

In a true connected D/s relationship I get that.. the sub has as much power/control if not more…

But in general non relationship male female sexual dynamics.. are we not still conditioned for men to take control?

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes.

I don’t know what I think really

. I don’t want a submissive man but I definitely don’t want a dominant one. No wonder I find this place so bloody difficult

I like the ones in between too, greedy I am. Think as with everything it's a sliding scale nothing wrong with the middle in my opinion.

Exactly. I’d hate a little puppy dog type who does whatever I want him to do but equally I don’t want anyone telling me what to do and tying me up

I want an equal!

I don’t think she meant equal in that way to be fair. Not that you’re not equal as people. Equal as in not one more dominant than the other. That’s how I interpreted it anyway.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I do believe that you can be conditioned to be more sexually submissive in the bedroom without being a lifestyle submissive, just as all other experiences shape who we are.

If your sexual encounters are typically with more experienced people, you may tend to let them lead in the expectation they know what they are doing and will ensure everyone has a good time.

If you are indecisive, lack confidence or even lack a vivid imagination then you may want your partner to take charge.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive "

*raises hand*

I also contacted one of my partners first on a dating site. If I want something I'm not going to sit back and hope it comes to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive "

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That to me, is a separate issue to D/s, and purely the way women approach things.

Submission to me is not about being tied up and told what to do either, it’s handing myself over to him, and trusting him with me. "

The initial OP wasn’t about D/s dynamics though, it’s about power dynamics in sex. Whilst submission might be a part of it, there are far wider power dynamics at play.

You say that it’s purely the way that women approach things, why do you think that is?

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!"

I've experienced that too. Men who say it's off putting if you take the initiative and that they want to chase you. Personally I can't be bothered with the games or the fragility so it just shows we're not compatible.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!"

Agreed.. as a switch it’s hard to strike that balance without being somehow less feminine or intimidating. I rarely meet for this reason and those I do understand the dynamic.

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"dominance" is on a spectrum and everyone falls into it.

More men are over the half way point (or the mean if you like your statistics) than are women. But that's because men have testosterone and that makes us more assertive or stupid as the case may be.

But at the top end I think it's fairly equally shared between men and women.

"Dominance" is a combination of will, assertiveness, leadership, creativity and self belief. None of these traits are only male.

I cannot tell you how many men identify as Doms but would allow the right woman to take control. And that is perfectly fine and natural because most people are sitting somewhere around the half way mark. Lots of women who identify as submissive might find a guy who they can lead during sex. It doesn't mean they are not submissive by nature. They just found someone more submissive than them who fits their dynamic needs.

I can't give control to others. I'm too damaged and It doesn't interest me. I might share control but even then it makes me feel itchy inside.

But most people, men and women are not cursed like that. They can be whatever the want to be.

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By *indergirlWoman over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

Same here, it's not that I feel I need to... I actually get quite a lot of pleasure from doing so. But if I also feel in the mood then I will top from the bottom and get what I want by taking control of what's happening

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!"

I’ve heard that a fair few times, some guys don’t seem to do well with assertive women. I put that down to latent sexism and fragile egos in some parts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!

Do you find age comes into that at all?

Like in teens or 20s people played a bit more games with messaging etc

I find people above 30 just don't play games or tolerate people who do anymore. If someone texts me and I'm beside my phone I'll reply straight away. If I'm busy I'll say that and get back later.

And if a woman texts me first I don't think anything other than its refreshing to not feel like you need to initiate a conversation or someone else was waiting on you to.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"With the amount of submissive men I get in my inbox. I don't think women are more likely to be submissive than men.

I can and do switch and it depends on the other person as much as me as to which I am.

So I don't think women are conditioned to being submissive. But perhaps when you start out it's a less daunting task while you learn the ropes. "

I think there is definitely something to this

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

""dominance" is on a spectrum and everyone falls into it.

More men are over the half way point (or the mean if you like your statistics) than are women. But that's because men have testosterone and that makes us more assertive or stupid as the case may be.

But at the top end I think it's fairly equally shared between men and women.

"Dominance" is a combination of will, assertiveness, leadership, creativity and self belief. None of these traits are only male.

I can't give control to others. I'm too damaged and It doesn't interest me. I might share control but even then it makes me feel itchy inside.

But most people, men and women are not cursed like that. They can be whatever the want to be. "

I agree re Doms but would allow the right woman to take control., it’s definitely possible but also agree mostly “itchy” that’s a perfect description , I would add restless, bored, distracted

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!"
passive is a huge turn off. It's the opposite of what I want. Who wants to "dominate" something passive? Where is the fun in that.

You need to dominate someone fierce. A challenge. An equal.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!

Do you find age comes into that at all?

Like in teens or 20s people played a bit more games with messaging etc

I find people above 30 just don't play games or tolerate people who do anymore. If someone texts me and I'm beside my phone I'll reply straight away. If I'm busy I'll say that and get back later.

And if a woman texts me first I don't think anything other than its refreshing to not feel like you need to initiate a conversation or someone else was waiting on you to."

Personally no, I've experienced this with all ages, though if anything older men tend to be a bit more traditional about "men doing the pursuing".

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By *amie HantsWoman over a year ago

Atlantis

I’m not so much submissive outside the bedroom but I’m definitely a blagger who’s just winging it so sometimes it’s nice to just let someone take control, and let me switch my mind off even if only for a minute.

That’s not to say it’s always like that. Sometimes I like to take the lead

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"I must say, I am naturally submissive sexually. I'm NOT submissive in other areas of life though. No idea what any of that means though (if anything at all)

Mrs KC"
just means you enjoy being submissive in sex.

A lot of people who have jobs where power and control are involved have submissive sex lives.

It's a way to find balance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

And I agree in that scenario.. but I do think a lot of women do not have such a secure bond with someone and will enact what is done in a true D/s relationship without the connection & trust built up!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!passive is a huge turn off. It's the opposite of what I want. Who wants to "dominate" something passive? Where is the fun in that.

You need to dominate someone fierce. A challenge. An equal. "

Agreed.. sometimes fierce does not accept being dominated in any way! (Umm maybe that’s me)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"I must say, I am naturally submissive sexually. I'm NOT submissive in other areas of life though. No idea what any of that means though (if anything at all)

Mrs KCjust means you enjoy being submissive in sex.

A lot of people who have jobs where power and control are involved have submissive sex lives.

It's a way to find balance."

I've been submissive since the start of my sex life, pretty much. The overwhelming majority of my sex life has been with Mr KC and we started playing with D/s type stuff pretty quickly. That's while we were still at sixth form, so I'm not sure my (admittedly stressful and highly responsible) job explains it.

I'm not particularly bothered about why. I just know that being dominant is probably not going to come to me naturally in a sexual situation. I don't know whether I'd be submissive in the same way without Mr KC being involved because I've not experienced it.

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"In my opinion it’s less about D/s power dynamics, which are about power exchanges, thus implying that there is equal power to exchange.

That’s it exactly!

If you look on local updates.. it guys saying need to get my cock sucked/got a big load that needs draining.

How many women state.. need my pussy eating, need to orgasm, who’s free.. Etc..

That’s a fair example.

That’s not being submissive, that’s being passive

I agree in some way.. I wouldn’t class myself as passive in any way.. but I find my assertive forward ness doesn’t always go down well!

Men like agreeable passive a lot in my experience!passive is a huge turn off. It's the opposite of what I want. Who wants to "dominate" something passive? Where is the fun in that.

You need to dominate someone fierce. A challenge. An equal.

Agreed.. sometimes fierce does not accept being dominated in any way! (Umm maybe that’s me) "

That's the point. Sometimes it doesn't work. And that's ok too. If it worked everything it would be boring and regular.

It's the rareness that makes it beautiful

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"I must say, I am naturally submissive sexually. I'm NOT submissive in other areas of life though. No idea what any of that means though (if anything at all)

Mrs KCjust means you enjoy being submissive in sex.

A lot of people who have jobs where power and control are involved have submissive sex lives.

It's a way to find balance.

One of the reasons I went to therapy was to "cure" my control issues in case they came to me because of abuse.

My therapist told me that I am who I am. And if my wife was happy then what the fuck was I doing changing a winning formula.

So I agree. Don't be bothered. It's who you are. Also who submits during normal life? A very very very small number of people have extreme dynamics where control is given over completely. And personally I don't agree with that.

You submit sexually to your husband and that's beautiful. That's enough. It's all you need

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

" (Cut for brevity)

One of the reasons I went to therapy was to "cure" my control issues in case they came to me because of abuse.

My therapist told me that I am who I am. And if my wife was happy then what the fuck was I doing changing a winning formula.

You submit sexually to your husband and that's beautiful. That's enough. It's all you need "

In "real life", at least to the outward observer, I wear the trousers and am the more "dominant" one. What they are actually observing is a woman who makes a lot of the key decisions, yes, but not unilaterally. I just do the actual action required to enact the decision. We work together in a subtle way that most people don't understand and there's reasons for that (which most people also don't understand).

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

But going back to the original post.. less so about the true D/s dynamic in established relationships…

It’s more about the power play between men & women in general…

It seems that there are a lot of women who are naturally submissive (and enjoy & fully consent)

But say one off.. club play.. casual meet up scenario.. are guys always guiding the narrative.. in control?

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

It would also be beautiful if you were dominating your husband if that was your dynamic.

I love, loving Ds dynamics

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

" (Cut for brevity)

One of the reasons I went to therapy was to "cure" my control issues in case they came to me because of abuse.

My therapist told me that I am who I am. And if my wife was happy then what the fuck was I doing changing a winning formula.

You submit sexually to your husband and that's beautiful. That's enough. It's all you need

Basically, it works for us, but even people who know us very well don't actually understand how we operate as a team and certainly wouldn't believe I'm sexually submissive or that he is more dominant. Not that it matters, as you say though! "
you guys sound a lot like us in your real world dynamics. We discuss everything, always back each other and if someone needs to break a deadlock we will always find consensus.

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Such a tease NsP. To someone like me that's a challenge I can't resist

You make that part of me itch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m very submissive, both sexually and in every day life, I’ve occasionally wondered why I feel like that but I’ve never worked out why and just accept that it’s what I like, just the same as some people like walks in the country side and some people like jumping off bridges attached to a big elastic band.

If a woman is being submissive just to fulfil a man’s needs then that’s totally wrong, even when I’m being tormented, humiliated, punished etc I feel like I’m having my needs met as well as the Dom or Domme getting pleasure from it. If I’m totally helpless and at the mercy of someone else I never feel like I don’t have any control of the situation as I’d only allow myself to be put in that situation by someone I totally trust who will know when it’s time to stop.

I’ve been in relationships that don’t necessarily have any D/s dynamic involved but the woman would be on top most of the time when we have sex and I concentrate much more on pleasing her, giving oral, massages, doing all the housework etc....being submissive but in a subtle way....

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"I’m very submissive, both sexually and in every day life, I’ve occasionally wondered why I feel like that but I’ve never worked out why and just accept that it’s what I like, just the same as some people like walks in the country side and some people like jumping off bridges attached to a big elastic band.

It's good to hear from a submissive guy in this discussion, thank you for sharing your perspective on it. Do you think that being submissive is your "default" setting?

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I think social conditioning certainly has a lot to do with this. The old perceptions of men being studs for "sowing their wildll oats" and women being harlots for enjoying sex are still very much alive and kicking. I've always been very open about enjoying sex, and I've had plenty of negative comments...I remember one ex colleague playing to an audience and trying to ridicule me, but it backfired when his audience laughed more at me pointing out that I was having a hell of a lot more fun than him with his rudimentary monthly shag with the lights off with his wife.

I too have had plenty of men tell me that I'm too aggressive because I'm happy to make the first move.

I wouldn't class myself as dominant though, I just know what I want and am willing to admit it openly and go after it...previous threads on here would indicate that not many women are, which perhaps leads to the perception that they're submissive when in fact they're just passive (good word for it Tea

)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Hello NSP… how did I know you would be a flip it kinda lady!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think social conditioning certainly has a lot to do with this. The old perceptions of men being studs for "sowing their wildll oats" and women being harlots for enjoying sex are still very much alive and kicking. I've always been very open about enjoying sex, and I've had plenty of negative comments...I remember one ex colleague playing to an audience and trying to ridicule me, but it backfired when his audience laughed more at me pointing out that I was having a hell of a lot more fun than him with his rudimentary monthly shag with the lights off with his wife.

I too have had plenty of men tell me that I'm too aggressive because I'm happy to make the first move.

passive (good word for it Tea

) "

Summed up perfectly!

I get the D/s dynamic but I don’t understand the total submissive woman thing. I’m not a Domme.. I’m just in control of my life.. I don’t want a man to dominate me, I don’t necessarily want that Domme him..

But I want respect.. not to be treated as a hole/vessel to please a man!

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Such a tease NsP. To someone like me that's a challenge I can't resist

You make that part of me itch "

I'm ok with being itchy

(Or something that sounds less like an std)

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Hello NSP… how did I know you would be a flip it kinda lady!!

Shhh..... I'm sweet and innocent remember

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Hello NSP… how did I know you would be a flip it kinda lady!!

Shhh..... I'm sweet and innocent remember

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's good to hear from a submissive guy in this discussion, thank you for sharing your perspective on it. Do you think that being submissive is your "default" setting? "

Thank you for welcoming me to the discussion. Yes, being submissive is definitely my ‘default’ setting, I’ve always been a follower and done what other people have asked me to without question. Most of my friends are leaders and I follow them, I feel like I’m submitting to them (not that I get any sexual pleasure from it or anything like that, it’s just how I am naturally but sometimes I take a step back and realise my relationship with friends feels like a D/s relationship at times). I’ve never taken control sexually at all and would feel uncomfortable doing so. I think it may have something to do with my insecurity issues regarding having a small penis and feeling inadequate so I want to make up for it in other ways but if that is the reason then it’s totally subconscious, I’ve never sat down and thought about what I need to do or how I need to be to make up for having a small penis. I only think that though because society has made me believe that by being submissive I’m not normal so there must be a reason why I’m like that when the reason could just be that it’s what I like and what I get pleasure from....I prefer to follow that line of thinking to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Hello NSP… how did I know you would be a flip it kinda lady!!

Shhh..... I'm sweet and innocent remember

Posted to soon,, but Pah ha ha ha … to the sweet & innocent!

You know the bra will be off within the first 10mins of MLS!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

It's good to hear from a submissive guy in this discussion, thank you for sharing your perspective on it. Do you think that being submissive is your "default" setting?

Again, very interesting to read, thank you! My personal experience as a sexually submissive woman is that I'm very much NOT of the submissive type elsewhere in life. With my friends/family, I am the organiser and the planner. I'm very much a natural leader but not in the bedroom. However, like you, I prefer to just enjoy our life and don't analyse it too much.

I do think there are far more submissive men out there than we realise but that, as you point out, it is probably less societally acceptable to be a submissive guy so we hear less about it or guys try to mask it, maybe?

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Hello NSP… how did I know you would be a flip it kinda lady!!

Shhh..... I'm sweet and innocent remember

Posted to soon,, but Pah ha ha ha … to the sweet & innocent!

You know the bra will be off within the first 10mins of MLS!

Oh God no.... bra stays. These girls need holding up!

Knickers, however

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me, being dominated, and controlled, that fulfills my needs too, I feel happiest when I’m submitting to him.

Also, I’m quite good at topping from the bottom on occasion

I could have written that!

I get the pleasure, and a weird powerful feeling from handing control over to someone else, but occasionally I'll flip it around a little and take control back

Hello NSP… how did I know you would be a flip it kinda lady!!

Shhh..... I'm sweet and innocent remember

Posted to soon,, but Pah ha ha ha … to the sweet & innocent!

You know the bra will be off within the first 10mins of MLS!

Oh God no.... bra stays. These girls need holding up!

Knickers, however

I’ll be seeing you knicker less at the MLS… you harlot!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably the same as men who like to be dominated. *Most* women have more stressful mundane things to do during their week, work stress house keeping stress parental stress which never really ends. When it comes to sex they just want to give away control and just be ravished.

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably the same as men who like to be dominated. *Most* women have more stressful mundane things to do during their week, work stress house keeping stress parental stress which never really ends. When it comes to sex they just want to give away control and just be ravished.

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean. "

What happened to the nurse caring scenario, I would say that's more of a pleaser role

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's good to hear from a submissive guy in this discussion, thank you for sharing your perspective on it. Do you think that being submissive is your "default" setting?

It’s interesting to read your post as well, we’re all very different and just because we’re both submissive it doesn’t mean we’re both the same, the important thing is that we both enjoy being submissive and more importantly that we always do as we’re told haha. It sounds as though for you being submissive in the bedroom is a kind of release from being in control and doing all the planning and organising in every day life. I have always appreciated that it’s just as much hard work, if not more hard work, for my Dom/me to control me all the time than it is for me to obey and serve. I just do as I’m told and although it can be painful, mentally tiring and physically tiring for me all the pressure and responsibility is really on my owner. It’s up to them to think of new ways to make me suffer, new ways to humiliate me, new ways to tease me etc. Maybe you like being able to switch off and just be obedient rather than having to do all the thinking for everyone else. Do you feel less pressured and stressed after a D/s session?

I totally agree with you, I get a lot of men on here messaging me to say they’re submissive as well even though their profile doesn’t mention anything about it but no one has ever told me face to face that they’re a sub. Non of my friends know about me being a sub but if I was a Dom and had a female sub I’d probably be likely to tell a friend about it. I know they’d treat me differently if they knew I’m a sub but wouldn’t be bothered if I told them I’m a Dom. I’m sure I’m not the only person who keeps it hidden from everyone, maybe one of my friends is a sub as well but I don’t know, it’s a shame we can’t talk about it openly because it would be cool if I did have a friend who’s a sub so we could support and guide each other.

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By *iger4uWoman over a year ago

In my happy place

50 shades hasca lot to answer for. So many men thought that they were dominant. In actual fact they were aggressive violent selfish lovers.

Genuine dom guys understand the build up and after effects and also factor safety into everything.

Not some twat throwing slaps about and ramming cock into holes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean. "

Yep.. my life is pretty mundane.. single parent, full time job, full on house renovation etc v little free time..

However I don’t want to be a pillow princess..

I don’t want a man to come along looking for a quick relief.. face fuck me so I have tears running down my face…hold my head down.. fuck me from behind with no visual contact..

I want equal effort on both parts but no subjugation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh to answer the thread, I'll happily switch!

Just be gentle with me at first

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean. "

Being submissive is (to me) not the same as being a "lazy bones pillow princess" and nor is it all about giving away control to be ravished. These are tropes of what it is to be sexually submissive, in my view.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

Yep.. my life is pretty mundane.. single parent, full time job, full on house renovation etc v little free time..

However I don’t want to be a pillow princess..

I don’t want a man to come along looking for a quick relief.. face fuck me so I have tears running down my face…hold my head down.. fuck me from behind with no visual contact..

I want equal effort on both parts but no subjugation."

Most men have a pretty mundane life with very little free time as well. I accept that there are more women who are single parents than there are men (that’s a whole different conversation haha) but other than that all the mundane things women have to do, men have to do as well. I’m single at the moment so I have to do all the housework, cooking, cleaning etc myself (I do it all when I’m in a relationship too but that’s because I’m a sub who likes to serve) but all my male friends who are in long term relationships do their fair share of all those things as well, I don’t think we live in a world where the woman does all the chores while the man sits watching football and drinking beer any more, at least I hope we don’t anyway.

That’s not a anti feminist rant by the way, I’m just saying that if the reason for women being submissive is that they have a mundane job and have to do chores at home etc then the same applies to men as well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m in kind of a unique position on this one.

I have pondered too and concluded very generally (where there are of course exceptions) women are more often than not submissive. I’ve a whole theory about this in fact.

I wouldn’t say women are there for men’s pleasure, even though there are women out there who’s kink is precisely that. I prefer to know a woman, connect with her and learn her body.

Being completely fixated on her orgasm makes me one of those Dominants who actually prefers a woman’s orgasms to mine. After all hers are beautiful and mine at least whilst stronger than most men can mark a short interruption to any session.

Dominance is not brute physicality, or the use of pejorative language but the subtle construction of power, tone of voice and even visual symbolism. I always find submission quite beautiful, but it can’t be achieved mechanically, through violence or by the clumsy barking of orders. Thought should be applied and a sense of appreciation of the relationship and the whole situation.

I’ve never been dominated by a woman. It’s not my thingI guess, no one has ever really convinced me that it’s something I’d like. I’m far too busy enjoying her to think about being submissive

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most women don't like taking charge in the bedroom, if they did maybe they'd be more dominant? They want all the attention and loving.

It's tricky, women enjoy the rougher side as well as more passionate sex. I think both power dynamics work well, passionate sex with a sprinkle of rougher sex when both are in the mood

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

Yep.. my life is pretty mundane.. single parent, full time job, full on house renovation etc v little free time..

However I don’t want to be a pillow princess..

I don’t want a man to come along looking for a quick relief.. face fuck me so I have tears running down my face…hold my head down.. fuck me from behind with no visual contact..

I want equal effort on both parts but no subjugation.

That’s not a anti feminist rant by the way, I’m just saying that if the reason for women being submissive is that they have a mundane job and have to do chores at home etc then the

same applies to men as well. "

See I’m not submissive due to all of those things you’ve said.

I’ve raised 4 kids single-handedly, worked & then retrained(during covid) , half way through a renovation, it’s me… I’m the one that does shit & provides..

I’ll be fucked (or clearly not) if I let a guy come in and hold me down & have his way with me the bugger off never to be seen again!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

" Maybe you like being able to switch off and just be obedient rather than having to do all the thinking for everyone else. Do you feel less pressured and stressed after a D/s session?

Perhaps. I've never micro-analysed it really! We've had this dynamic pretty much from the start and so it transcends careers, commitments etc. We were sixth formers when we started dating and sex started pretty quickly. That said, I've always been an organiser/responsible for stuff so maybe I have subconsciously sought to "let go" more on a sexual level?

I do feel relaxed after sexy time together but I think that's perhaps more orgasm related? I do cum more easily if I'm being very submissive, I do know that......

I now feel the need to psychology the fuck out of myself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Maybe you like being able to switch off and just be obedient rather than having to do all the thinking for everyone else. Do you feel less pressured and stressed after a D/s session?

I do feel relaxed after sexy time together but I think that's perhaps more orgasm related? I do cum more easily if I'm being very submissive, I do know that......

I now feel the need to psychology the fuck out of myself

Haha, sorry, I didn’t mean to over analyse you and I certainly didn’t intend to cause you to psychology the fuck out of yourself haha. Just keep enjoying it and don’t over think anything.

I’ve just posted in another thread that by questioning why we’re submissive we’re implying that there’s something wrong with us that needs to be addressed, which isn’t the case at all, it’s just the way we are. It’s like how back in the dark days society used to question why people are gay but now they don’t as it’s accepted by the majority as being normal.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"50 shades hasca lot to answer for. So many men thought that they were dominant. In actual fact they were aggressive violent selfish lovers.

Genuine dom guys understand the build up and after effects and also factor safety into everything.

Not some twat throwing slaps about and ramming cock into holes. "

The 50 shades hate is in my opinion ill founded. You'd be better off using the easy access to extreme porn as a reason why so many people in the scene think that way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A guy being dominant and a woman submissive isn't just about the guy having his way. It's probably more in favour of the woman, if done right. A guy simply ramming his cock everywhere and slapping you about isnt dominant, they're just shit at sex.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple over a year ago

Coventry

Personally I think it may be the sum of a few factors. Such as the power dynamic in everyday life, gender differences in socialisation, the norms proliferated in the media, etc. But I also think to some extent the perception v the real reality is also warped by the above factors. So what you see openly expressed may be over exaggerated compared to people's (mainly mens) real desires. Because in my experience on the scene the more we get to talk to guys the more guys we find who say they want to be dominanted. Yet on face value and profile nothing to express that. I suspect because they feel the world veiws that a weak, un-manly, unattractive. And to a certain extent in our society and with so many women wanting to be submissive not dominant that is a logical conclusion. Although maybe there are some women who hide a desire to be more dominant for similar reasons? I know those sub tendencies in a man are not Mrs Misfits preference. I wonder if to some extent most people are more sub than dom (over simplified as there are so many nuances)? The difference being society is way more cool about women saying I want to give control than it is about men saying. I suppose that to a certain extent is a prison men built themselves. A patriarchal society isn't just bad for women.

Also this sort of attitude from guys or expressions like give me this, I want that ect I suspect is very taught behaviour (although not exclusively men, I've seen it with women too). There's always been pressure to be like this. To what extent its a true reflection of most guys inner self I don't know. I think it's often an attitude that is self defeating when trying to attract others into bed.

I done ponder if society changed in terms of how men and women are valued and socialised if we'd see these observations change? I wonder if these norms are prevalent in other cultures around the world as I can only really see what's going on in our society? I have no knowledge of sexual preferences or kink outside of our western European culture.

Anyway these are my musings on the question. At the end of the day peoples core sexuality is not wrong, its fine regardless of the society and culture that may influence it. Your core sexual desires are not letting women down or make you a bad feminists. Be who you want to be and enjoy. And as others have said being sub like is not necessarily being powerless or under valued.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd say I'm in control. He does as I ask him and most of the time things go my way

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

I think your confusing equality of opportunity with equality of outcome

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

Yep.. my life is pretty mundane.. single parent, full time job, full on house renovation etc v little free time..

However I don’t want to be a pillow princess..

I don’t want a man to come along looking for a quick relief.. face fuck me so I have tears running down my face…hold my head down.. fuck me from behind with no visual contact..

I want equal effort on both parts but no subjugation.

That’s not a anti feminist rant by the way, I’m just saying that if the reason for women being submissive is that they have a mundane job and have to do chores at home etc then the

same applies to men as well.

See I’m not submissive due to all of those things you’ve said.

I’ve raised 4 kids single-handedly, worked & then retrained(during covid) , half way through a renovation, it’s me… I’m the one that does shit & provides..

I’ll be fucked (or clearly not) if I let a guy come in and hold me down & have his way with me the bugger off never to be seen again!"

So, there’s a differential between established D/s and a quick fuck for you?

I’m submissive to one man, but I’m also not submissive in life generally.

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

I didn't give it much thought until I started this journey six years ago. I can't speak about prior to that as I didn't have enough sexual experience to talk about dynamics.

At the beginning of this journey I was more comfortable being in control but never in a dominant sense. I was always in control in my daily life not by choice but more by circumstance.

I had no idea how to be any other way.

In recent years though I have been able to relax and trust and hence why my profile uses the word mutual a number of times and I have no interest at all in any form of control that doesn't involve both parties equally.

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By *riar BelisseWoman over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I don't think either is in control, on here is a rose tinted view, how many male subs profiles do you actually look at, there are thousands on here, but most are naturally looking at the women's profiles as they are more explict.

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

Really good thread

Good talk people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

I think a lot of people on the thread (and in real life) consider BDSM to be about the "rough sexy stuff". But it's primarily about a mindset to take or give control - any activity flows from that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

Yep.. my life is pretty mundane.. single parent, full time job, full on house renovation etc v little free time..

However I don’t want to be a pillow princess..

I don’t want a man to come along looking for a quick relief.. face fuck me so I have tears running down my face…hold my head down.. fuck me from behind with no visual contact..

I want equal effort on both parts but no subjugation.

yes I think we still live in a world where many more women than men have a mundane job and do more housework and childcare. Even quite recently after the first lockdown - the evidence was that women took the brunt of the extra work at home. But I don't think any of this is remotely relevant to sexual power dynamics.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like it when a woman takes charge occasionally. One who knows her own mind is a sexy thing. It also saves me second guessing what she will enjoy. Not everyone will come out and say..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Personally I think it may be the sum of a few factors. Such as the power dynamic in everyday life, gender differences in socialisation, the norms proliferated in the media, etc. But I also think to some extent the perception v the real reality is also warped by the above factors. So what you see openly expressed may be over exaggerated compared to people's (mainly mens) real desires. Because in my experience on the scene the more we get to talk to guys the more guys we find who say they want to be dominanted. Yet on face value and profile nothing to express that. I suspect because they feel the world veiws that a weak, un-manly, unattractive. And to a certain extent in our society and with so many women wanting to be submissive not dominant that is a logical conclusion. Although maybe there are some women who hide a desire to be more dominant for similar reasons? I know those sub tendencies in a man are not Mrs Misfits preference. I wonder if to some extent most people are more sub than dom (over simplified as there are so many nuances)? The difference being society is way more cool about women saying I want to give control than it is about men saying. I suppose that to a certain extent is a prison men built themselves. A patriarchal society isn't just bad for women.

Mr"

That is a really well written & thought out post and very well said, thank you for your insight!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I didn't give it much thought until I started this journey six years ago. I can't speak about prior to that as I didn't have enough sexual experience to talk about dynamics.

At the beginning of this journey I was more comfortable being in control but never in a dominant sense. I was always in control in my daily life not by choice but more by circumstance.

I had no idea how to be any other way.

Very good points.

it make sense that men become more aware of a woman's pleasure as they get older, because I guess we (older women) demand it more whereas young males(often) guided by porn, control the narrative more?

I know I was a lot more insecure & eager to please when I was younger.. looking for a relationship & wanting to fall in love etc..

Whereas now after a pretty independent life I am a lot more confident I expect much more of a mutual experience..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That is a really well written & thought out post and very well said, thank you for your insight!"

I have never subscribed to the patriarchal/male dominant/one of the lads agenda. Probably why I have very few male friends. I just can't do the sport/booze/alpha thing, it annoys me. I'm also fairly clean cut and reserved which in my youth lead to many of my circle pondering whether I was gay. Only one girl actually challenged me over it which resulted in me providing unequivocal proof that I am not. On reflection that may have been a trap. I have always been attracted to feminine (can I even say that in in this pc/woke World?), but feisty women who know what they want and aren't afraid to show it.

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

"I didn't give it much thought until I started this journey six years ago. I can't speak about prior to that as I didn't have enough sexual experience to talk about dynamics.

At the beginning of this journey I was more comfortable being in control but never in a dominant sense. I was always in control in my daily life not by choice but more by circumstance.

I had no idea how to be any other way.

Very good points.

I know I was a lot more insecure & eager to please when I was younger.. looking for a relationship & wanting to fall in love etc..

Whereas now after a pretty independent life I am a lot more confident I expect much more of a mutual experience..

In my case there was never any change in awareness. I had virtually no experience and nothing to compare or contrast with.

Self confidence was also lacking.

I have been told I am very instinctive and that has helped me grow while at the same time allows me to trust and be trusted.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

This thread has been a very interesting read, so thank you for this.

I think that it’s sparked a lot of thoughts for me, some I’ve long held regarding traditional gender roles, others that I see more clearly from this thread.

I do think that many people get mixed between being submissive sexually and submission as well as conflating passive in there as well.

As someone else posted, Fifty shades has a lot to answer for for completely misrepresenting the D/s power dynamic.

Without rambling further, a lot to muse on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I didn't give it much thought until I started this journey six years ago. I can't speak about prior to that as I didn't have enough sexual experience to talk about dynamics.

At the beginning of this journey I was more comfortable being in control but never in a dominant sense. I was always in control in my daily life not by choice but more by circumstance.

I had no idea how to be any other way.

Very good points.

I know I was a lot more insecure & eager to please when I was younger.. looking for a relationship & wanting to fall in love etc..

Whereas now after a pretty independent life I am a lot more confident I expect much more of a mutual experience..

Do you not think that submissives are confident? My experiences are balanced, with equal power and pleasure, being submissive doesn’t diminish that.

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

So there's been two threads in one here I think. What do people get from being tied etc which is more a BDSM question and are women more passive sexually?

I am submissive in a BDSM way but I am never passive. The last two impact toys I've bought because I want to play with them. So I think you can be submissive and assertive or passive. Though I always advocate being assertive.

But I do think traditionally women have been more passive in a sexual way, though I think these attitudes are changing with youngsters today. I think many of us lost our virginity with older or more experienced men or had formative relationships with more assertive men. So that some women thought of sex as a male driven thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's the same with most mammals. The males fight each other to have control a group of females, weaker males are excluded. Obviously this isn't true for all - hyenas are a notable exception but it is the general rule among mammalian species.

Our brains set us apart in that our social structures are no longer dictated by evolution but able to change rapidly and significantly. We have developed ideas like morality and fairness way past that that even our closest cousins display but at a deeper level we are still influenced by our evolution.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I write and post fantasies on a different site. Such fantasies where I portray myself as the dominant are a lot more successful than those where I portray myself not being in control. They get significantly more likes and positive comments.

I don’t put any less efforts in any such writings and I doubt the quality of my writing is any less.

It suggests to me that there simply a greater audience for one side compared to the other: more people prefer that side.

I understand that you, OP, would like to see more of the other side. Maybe it corresponds more to who you are as a person, what your tastes are.

But I guess you’re in the minority and more people enjoy the other side of things and that’s why we see more of it.

As to why that could be? I’m not sure but wonder if it’s some sort of primal instinct haunting us. Tenth of thousands of years of a male dominated world. Maybe despite a general effort to achieve better gender equality, there is a natural instinct resurfacing when we place ourselves in the naked, raw, almost animalistic situation that is sex. As opposed to the more conscious, more socially constrained and regulated environment that are other everyday life situations like going to the shop, at work, a discussion in a salon…

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must say, I am naturally submissive sexually. I'm NOT submissive in other areas of life though. No idea what any of that means though (if anything at all)

Mrs KCjust means you enjoy being submissive in sex.

A lot of people who have jobs where power and control are involved have submissive sex lives.

It's a way to find balance.

One of the reasons I went to therapy was to "cure" my control issues in case they came to me because of abuse.

My therapist told me that I am who I am. And if my wife was happy then what the fuck was I doing changing a winning formula.

You submit sexually to your husband and that's beautiful. That's enough. It's all you need "

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

Women on here are extremely picky, I think it’s fair to say most woman get what they want in terms of sex.

And on top of that, the picture posted are going to be almost entirely from enjoyable consensual encounters

If most of the pictures are like that, couldn’t it just be that that’s what most like? That’s the roles most fall into?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s been an interesting read. I’ve been interest in exploring sex and all it’s dynamics for quite sometime, and I am pretty in tune with where I feel most confortable and confident. Domination and submission is quite wonderful, but I am under no illusion that someone who is submissive is “fulfilling guys (or girls) needs”

Also there’s a massive difference to submitting and simply not getting involved in the sex. Pillow princess maybe a label, but it does describe someone with little imagination or no confidence. Both are a turn off for me.

*just adding my thoughts and I’ll continue to read others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Relationship power dynamics are a funny thing. Whilst I have, on the whole, taken the lead in matters sexual, with the occasional woman surprising me, pleasantly I might add. Yet I have never actively made the first move. I was painfully shy, and women have always approached me. Once they had made the gesture I think that boosted my confidence as they chose me, and I could relax.

Work/team dynamics I found totally different. I have never had a problem with taking the initiative or leading teams and I think that comes from a confidence borne of believing in my own abilities.

What I take from this is that confidence, wherever you get it from, is key.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Really good thread

Good talk people "

I like these kind of threads.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just a thought:

When seeing a power dynamic in a relationship, regardless of who is dominating who, that power exchange has been negotiated and agreed. In that negotiation both parties have an equal say, the power is then handed over. However both parties can stop that power exchange at anytime, for any reason, in that alone both parties have equal power. Neither side has the power but it is equally shared.

The one dominating is only doing what they are allowed to do and the one submitting is only doing so because it is allowed.

The power exchange is an illusion, it is a mutually agreed dynamic that can be ended by either party at any point.

Mr HH

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Really good thread

Good talk people

I like these kind of threads. "

Me too! It's got me thinking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a thought:

The one dominating is only doing what they are allowed to do and the one submitting is only doing so because it is allowed.

The power exchange is an illusion, it is a mutually agreed dynamic that can be ended by either party at any point.

Mr HH"

In a ideal situation, yes. However, dominance is often enforced by strength, fear, emotional pressure, control and coercion. Not so good.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

It would take someone very special to get me to submit in bed x

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Just a thought:

The one dominating is only doing what they are allowed to do and the one submitting is only doing so because it is allowed.

The power exchange is an illusion, it is a mutually agreed dynamic that can be ended by either party at any point.

Mr HH

In a ideal situation, yes. However, dominance is often enforced by strength, fear, emotional pressure, control and coercion. Not so good."

But sexual submission should not be enforced by those things (or enforced at all). I'm submissive but I'm certainly not frightened, coerced or controlled and Mr KC does NOT assert his dominance via physical strength/intimidation. Yet again, things become conflated! Anyone who scares, physically intimidates or otherwise forces a partner into doing anything (sexual or otherwise) is an abuser, not a sexual dominant.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a thought:

The one dominating is only doing what they are allowed to do and the one submitting is only doing so because it is allowed.

The power exchange is an illusion, it is a mutually agreed dynamic that can be ended by either party at any point.

Mr HH"

I don’t think that is always true. I have been in a relationship where both established ourselves as dominant early on. After months of verbal jousting and battles of power, both fighting to assert our dominance , our respective positions established themselves naturally.

Granted the exchange of power was not absolute as there were agreed boundaries. That was a matter of respect. But the power exchange was not an illusion in the sense that it was not the outcome of a negotiation but that of a fight.

The position of power was not granted, it was earned.

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By *picyandspecialCouple over a year ago

newcastle

Another very interesting post, I do like to be dominated a lot of the time but I do have a little switch in me too from time to time so I will get on top and take a little control but for me I get more sexual satisfaction from submitting be it a man or a woman

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I write and post fantasies on a different site. Such fantasies where I portray myself as the dominant are a lot more successful than those where I portray myself not being in control. They get significantly more likes and positive comments.

I don’t put any less efforts in any such writings and I doubt the quality of my writing is any less.

It suggests to me that there simply a greater audience for one side compared to the other: more people prefer that side.

I understand that you, OP, would like to see more of the other side. Maybe it corresponds more to who you are as a person, what your tastes are.

But I guess you’re in the minority and more people enjoy the other side of things and that’s why we see more of it.

I think that part of it is societal; men giving up power are seen as weak or emasculated, no matter the situation or dynamic. Having the traditional dynamics reiterated is comforting and will be liked more.

Look at how gay or bisexual men are seen, how male subs are seen then look at how women are seen.

It’s a far reaching concept and I’m not sure that anecdotal evidence does much beyond reinforce the classic concepts.

I think that once you start examining gender and sexual power dynamics, it’s hard not to see the imbalance in many places

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a thought:

The one dominating is only doing what they are allowed to do and the one submitting is only doing so because it is allowed.

The power exchange is an illusion, it is a mutually agreed dynamic that can be ended by either party at any point.

Mr HH

The position of power was not granted, it was earned."

But still granted, as consent for that was established early on, surely?

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

I’m a happy switch but I like being a lazy bones pillow princess and just fucked as well with the only effort coming from my hand to rub my own bean.

I think a lot of people on the thread (and in real life) consider BDSM to be about the "rough sexy stuff". But it's primarily about a mindset to take or give control - any activity flows from that. "
This is exactly it.

Most of our sex is just sex. But the dynamic is there and if something more happens great if not, I'm still making love to the woman I love

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