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Social Anxiety Support Chat
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I've made this post for everyone who is suffering from social anxieties.
Here we can talk about what causes our anxieties, what fears we have associated with our anxieties and how we can support each other and help overcome our anxieties.
If anyone wants to talk, feel free to share on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I (Mr) had major anxiety over going to a club for the first time this week, with not knowing what to expect and the social side.
My fight or flight kicked in while there and I just thought fuck it, enjoy myself. We ended up having an amazing time, I don't think it can get anymore social than us and 3 other men sharing the jacuzzi having good craic  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have HUGE social anxiety and have to really push myself ! Most people think I am super confident but it’s really not the case .
I often practice conversations in my head etc , I can appear stand off ish as well - but really I’m just frozen in an anxiety riddled state!!!
Super sucks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have social anxiety issues.
I had panic attacks for 16 years, but these were separate to the SA.
Even in the presence of my rather large family gatherings I can find ways to hide, & just not take part. It’s not an easy thing to talk about. |
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In my work I find it easy to meet people and talk to them, as I have to when advising them what to do.
Yet in my private life it is a fucking pain. I was invited to a mates birthday bash, it took me 3 attempts to walk into the pub where I could see them all. I almost turned around and drove home again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had social anxiety. I wanted to do the group socials on here so I met someone beforehand who looked after me. It was hard, I had to keep going outside, I nearly puked and i was blotchy as hell. Each time I went I knew more people and it got easier to the point where a club visit was in order, it was great! A few nerves on entry but nothing after. My trick was to be the first there, so I saw everyone come in, rather than me walking into an already full noisy room.
For me, throwing myself in and persevering was the trick. I can now walk in a pub on my own, go to the loo on my own, I couldn't do that before. |
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"I had social anxiety. I wanted to do the group socials on here so I met someone beforehand who looked after me. It was hard, I had to keep going outside, I nearly puked and i was blotchy as hell. Each time I went I knew more people and it got easier to the point where a club visit was in order, it was great! A few nerves on entry but nothing after. My trick was to be the first there, so I saw everyone come in, rather than me walking into an already full noisy room.
For me, throwing myself in and persevering was the trick. I can now walk in a pub on my own, go to the loo on my own, I couldn't do that before. "
This is great advice, having suffered from this in the past I can say that the pushing yourself a little bit further each time is the way forward.
I'd also add that blushing is a natural human thing to do and you will not die if it happens. As I used to feel  |
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Well, you could suggest they get help. I've had some cbt which helped to a certain extent.
Often if someone suggests a social event, they will agree and genuinely think they'll be able to cope. It's only later that they might ruminate on what might happen they might get cold feet. Keep checking that they are okay with it. Make sure there's a way they can escape if they need to, even if it's just going outside for a bit so they can have a rest from the social situation. And most importantly, let them know you understand and you care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had social anxiety. I wanted to do the group socials on here so I met someone beforehand who looked after me. It was hard, I had to keep going outside, I nearly puked and i was blotchy as hell. Each time I went I knew more people and it got easier to the point where a club visit was in order, it was great! A few nerves on entry but nothing after. My trick was to be the first there, so I saw everyone come in, rather than me walking into an already full noisy room.
For me, throwing myself in and persevering was the trick. I can now walk in a pub on my own, go to the loo on my own, I couldn't do that before.
This is great advice, having suffered from this in the past I can say that the pushing yourself a little bit further each time is the way forward.
I'd also add that blushing is a natural human thing to do and you will not die if it happens. As I used to feel "
Yes, if you never push yourself your comfort zone will stay small.
My blotches weren't cute cheek flushes, they were angry red marks all over head face neck and chest lol. They'd come out when I was not even in the social situation yet. I still get those sometimes but I don't care. |
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"I had social anxiety. I wanted to do the group socials on here so I met someone beforehand who looked after me. It was hard, I had to keep going outside, I nearly puked and i was blotchy as hell. Each time I went I knew more people and it got easier to the point where a club visit was in order, it was great! A few nerves on entry but nothing after. My trick was to be the first there, so I saw everyone come in, rather than me walking into an already full noisy room.
For me, throwing myself in and persevering was the trick. I can now walk in a pub on my own, go to the loo on my own, I couldn't do that before.
This is great advice, having suffered from this in the past I can say that the pushing yourself a little bit further each time is the way forward.
I'd also add that blushing is a natural human thing to do and you will not die if it happens. As I used to feel
Yes, if you never push yourself your comfort zone will stay small.
My blotches weren't cute cheek flushes, they were angry red marks all over head face neck and chest lol. They'd come out when I was not even in the social situation yet. I still get those sometimes but I don't care. "
And often other people just don't notice the things we are reallyself conscious about like blotches or shaking. They're probably more worried about there own phobias |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I had social anxiety. I wanted to do the group socials on here so I met someone beforehand who looked after me. It was hard, I had to keep going outside, I nearly puked and i was blotchy as hell. Each time I went I knew more people and it got easier to the point where a club visit was in order, it was great! A few nerves on entry but nothing after. My trick was to be the first there, so I saw everyone come in, rather than me walking into an already full noisy room.
For me, throwing myself in and persevering was the trick. I can now walk in a pub on my own, go to the loo on my own, I couldn't do that before.
This is great advice, having suffered from this in the past I can say that the pushing yourself a little bit further each time is the way forward.
I'd also add that blushing is a natural human thing to do and you will not die if it happens. As I used to feel
Yes, if you never push yourself your comfort zone will stay small.
My blotches weren't cute cheek flushes, they were angry red marks all over head face neck and chest lol. They'd come out when I was not even in the social situation yet. I still get those sometimes but I don't care. "
As someone who has supported someone with SA and panic attacks for a long time this makes me sad. No one would tell someone a wheel chair to just get up and try harder to walk. Making yourself physically ill by forcing yourself into social events is awful advice. Maybe you don’t really have SA , if you can push yourself to go out? Maybe you’re just lazy ? |
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"I have had it for donkeys years at first I just pushed myself hard and outwardly I was the life and soul of the party but it became so exhausting putting on this face and in recent years I just can't be bothered to even try.
I fucki g hate it  "
That's why I'd like to find someone with a similar problem so we can just relax together and have fun |
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By *dog29Man
over a year ago
hamilton |
I think you’ll find it hard to get people to open up about their mental health and anxieties of any kind on here as most people with anxiety I know hardly talk about it with family and friends never mind on an open forum
People worry about being judged by others,I admire the fact you’re trying to help people tho and hope it works..if it helps just one person then it’s been well worthwhile  |
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Nice to see this thread has resurfaced.
With me having Asperger's, it's more difficult for me to talk to people I don't know. When I first went Cupids five years ago, it was a rough start as my social anxieties got the better of me. I was able to chat at first but as it got busier later on in the evening, I felt overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. I felt like I was invisible and nobody wanted to talk to me and it got me down. I left later that night sad as I felt like I hadn't made any progress in overcoming my anxieties. When I spoke about what happened here on the forum, I was surprised by the positive feedback I was given for making a brave move of going to a club on my own. It gave me the courage to go back and after a couple more visits, I was able to make some new friends which helped me be more happier and confident and overcome my anxieties.
After the lockdown last year, the first couple of visits back at Cupids were good but the last time I went back I'm October was not so good. There was hardly anyone there who I knew that I could talk to and before I knew it, my anxieties came back and which completely knocked my confidence after being there for a few hours. I felt like I was back at square one and it really got me down so ended up taking a break for a while.
I am thinking of going back to Cupids next month but not sure if I feel confident enough though. |
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Thanks for sharing that.
Is there anyway we can take this further, a skype group or whatsapp? Or should we just keep it on here?
It would be nice if people with similar problems could find each other and perhaps meet socially and more intimately. Even go to clubs together. |
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By *IG G77Man
over a year ago
GATLEY |
I have anxiety meeting new people for first time in my younger years I'd be the quiet one in the corner people wouldnt approach me I'd be the last one standing
I have cerebral palsy since birth
Then I found music started playing in bands performing in bands covers and recorded original music too , suddenly I was being approached and appreciated |
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"I have issues with itself. I'm helping myself a lot with a change in food and lifestyle but I can always use the help.
C"
I'm trying to get out more and get more exercise. The last two years haven't helped |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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for the majority id guess getting into swinging wont have any problems with SA as its the social side they seek ...must be hard for those that really do suffer in fact id have thought swinging would be the last place to find people with SA and surly those who think they have it in facy are maybe just a little shy ...but to those who really do suffer then cant be nice |
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"for the majority id guess getting into swinging wont have any problems with SA as its the social side they seek ...must be hard for those that really do suffer in fact id have thought swinging would be the last place to find people with SA and surly those who think they have it in facy are maybe just a little shy ...but to those who really do suffer then cant be nice"
Yes, good point. I suppose the thing is people with SA can feel secure under the right circumstances socially and we still want to experiment sexually and have a lot to give in the bedroom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of social anxiety comes from the fear of being judged. You can go over what you say for hours afterwards making you sure you did and said the right things. The most important thing to realise is, most of the time people don't care as much as we do. It's easily said than done but once you start to see the world without fear of being judged, these kinds of interactions can become easier.
The world is an extroverted place but just because you can't be the loudest, chattiest or most social person in the room.. doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. We are all different and that's okay  |
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"A lot of social anxiety comes from the fear of being judged. You can go over what you say for hours afterwards making you sure you did and said the right things. The most important thing to realise is, most of the time people don't care as much as we do. It's easily said than done but once you start to see the world without fear of being judged, these kinds of interactions can become easier.
The world is an extroverted place but just because you can't be the loudest, chattiest or most social person in the room.. doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. We are all different and that's okay "
Absolutely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the struggle of having social anxiety but also being poly/ENM is that it feels like those elements of who you are, are constantly in conflict. I have found that it’s important to invest in other relationships like friendships with people that understand your condition and can be affirming. I found that the first time I was on here it was a struggle because I personally didn’t invest enough in. There’s so much rejection on here that it’s easy to take only that away- ‘everyone on here thinks I’m ugly’- and miss the positive things people feel about you.
It can be really crippling, caring so deeply about what others think/ feel about you and I don’t really have any answers for anyone but keep on talking, it’s important to have support. I really do hope this thread helps people that need it. I’m waffling now but yeah  |
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"I think the struggle of having social anxiety but also being poly/ENM is that it feels like those elements of who you are, are constantly in conflict. I have found that it’s important to invest in other relationships like friendships with people that understand your condition and can be affirming. I found that the first time I was on here it was a struggle because I personally didn’t invest enough in. There’s so much rejection on here that it’s easy to take only that away- ‘everyone on here thinks I’m ugly’- and miss the positive things people feel about you.
It can be really crippling, caring so deeply about what others think/ feel about you and I don’t really have any answers for anyone but keep on talking, it’s important to have support. I really do hope this thread helps people that need it. I’m waffling now but yeah "
That's brilliant, thanks for that. I suppose one positive is that we are more sensitive and empathetic than most people. We're always looking for other people's reactions to us. So we can also be sensitive empathetic lovers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the struggle of having social anxiety but also being poly/ENM is that it feels like those elements of who you are, are constantly in conflict. I have found that it’s important to invest in other relationships like friendships with people that understand your condition and can be affirming. I found that the first time I was on here it was a struggle because I personally didn’t invest enough in. There’s so much rejection on here that it’s easy to take only that away- ‘everyone on here thinks I’m ugly’- and miss the positive things people feel about you.
It can be really crippling, caring so deeply about what others think/ feel about you and I don’t really have any answers for anyone but keep on talking, it’s important to have support. I really do hope this thread helps people that need it. I’m waffling now but yeah
That's brilliant, thanks for that. I suppose one positive is that we are more sensitive and empathetic than most people. We're always looking for other people's reactions to us. So we can also be sensitive empathetic lovers. "
This is a great perspective |
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Some interesting comments and observations by folks, one gent mentioned feeling invisible that so sums me up. Add to that feelings of inadequacy body image and my inability to hear a conversation if the acoustics are poor generally see me withdraw into my self. Whether or not this deserves the label of SA I've no idea but the feelings are real and so to me are frequently an obstacle which is often insurmountable. So I stop in and the cycle continues only it's now a little deeper and so harder to break. |
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"Some interesting comments and observations by folks, one gent mentioned feeling invisible that so sums me up. Add to that feelings of inadequacy body image and my inability to hear a conversation if the acoustics are poor generally see me withdraw into my self. Whether or not this deserves the label of SA I've no idea but the feelings are real and so to me are frequently an obstacle which is often insurmountable. So I stop in and the cycle continues only it's now a little deeper and so harder to break."
Sounds a bit like SA to me. |
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There are many medications you can get to help you deal with anxiety
If it is really bad discuss it with your GP. They can recommend medications like propanolol which can be used to help prevent the anxiety episodes
Frequency on going to meets can help, as can arriving before hand - this way you aren’t throwing yourself into a room full of people who are strangers and you can adjust gradually as people come in…..
If anyone needs any techniques I’m happy to help (am a healthcare professional)
MrY |
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Anxiety is such a horrible thing and controlles your life. I only really go out as and when I really have to. I have some fantastic friends but some people just don't understand and say just pull yourself together which doesn't help. My biggest savior is my motorcycle. Once I have my helmet on and I am going I feel so much better. My last little ride took me to South Wales lol. I am on tablets now and they are helping. I am not a very confident person so that doesn't help either. We will all get there so stay strong. Sending you all big hugs. |
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"Anxiety is such a horrible thing and controlles your life. I only really go out as and when I really have to. I have some fantastic friends but some people just don't understand and say just pull yourself together which doesn't help. My biggest savior is my motorcycle. Once I have my helmet on and I am going I feel so much better. My last little ride took me to South Wales lol. I am on tablets now and they are helping. I am not a very confident person so that doesn't help either. We will all get there so stay strong. Sending you all big hugs. "
There's more of us out there than we think. Sometimes I feel it's just me
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"Anxiety is such a horrible thing and controlles your life. I only really go out as and when I really have to. I have some fantastic friends but some people just don't understand and say just pull yourself together which doesn't help. My biggest savior is my motorcycle. Once I have my helmet on and I am going I feel so much better. My last little ride took me to South Wales lol. I am on tablets now and they are helping. I am not a very confident person so that doesn't help either. We will all get there so stay strong. Sending you all big hugs.
There's more of us out there than we think. Sometimes I feel it's just me
"
You are certainly not a lone my friend. I think with all this covid and what's going on in the world today more and more people are feeling it. It is horrible but we must stay strong and we will get through it. A lot of it self confidence and that's what I lack. If I go anywhere I am constantly looking around me. |
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I have bad anxiety when in enclosed spaces or around groups of men/strangers when it kicks it freaks me. I have posted in past why this is the case.
I would love to get over it as I feel I have no male friends now due to fear I may be attacked again and hurt.
Hopefully this can change as am getting older and lived in fear for last 8 yrs. hence when people so oh go clubs meet I can’t cos the fear being attacked again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found I don't engage qnd my anxiety reduces ,I get very panicked at thought of leaving house and meeting people ,mostly I relax after a short while ,but mostly I don't really leave house |
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"I found I don't engage qnd my anxiety reduces ,I get very panicked at thought of leaving house and meeting people ,mostly I relax after a short while ,but mostly I don't really leave house"
Not leaving the house very often isn't good but if this is what makes us feel better and maybe even safer that's what we have to do. I try and get out but if I don't feel good I just come home. My safe place is my bed lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found I don't engage qnd my anxiety reduces ,I get very panicked at thought of leaving house and meeting people ,mostly I relax after a short while ,but mostly I don't really leave house
Not leaving the house very often isn't good but if this is what makes us feel better and maybe even safer that's what we have to do. I try and get out but if I don't feel good I just come home. My safe place is my bed lol. "
aye ,I really struggle some days, shopping for example is a big thing, the worst is, when trying to explain to folk, they look at me and can't get how I can feel like I fo, I ain't confident even if folk think I am I am good amongst like minded folk but better in my own company .
Most of my mates have either crossed bar or live far away so the ones still breathing we talk on Skype a lot.
I guess I have met more than my fair share of dick heads over the years |
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"I found I don't engage qnd my anxiety reduces ,I get very panicked at thought of leaving house and meeting people ,mostly I relax after a short while ,but mostly I don't really leave house
Not leaving the house very often isn't good but if this is what makes us feel better and maybe even safer that's what we have to do. I try and get out but if I don't feel good I just come home. My safe place is my bed lol. aye ,I really struggle some days, shopping for example is a big thing, the worst is, when trying to explain to folk, they look at me and can't get how I can feel like I fo, I ain't confident even if folk think I am I am good amongst like minded folk but better in my own company .
Most of my mates have either crossed bar or live far away so the ones still breathing we talk on Skype a lot.
I guess I have met more than my fair share of dick heads over the years "
I generally go shopping late at night so not many people about. That's the problem we all look fine so people just don't get it.ye there are plenty of dick heads lol. I love getting out on the Harley. Just me and the road. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ye the best advice is to push yourself little by little to expand your comfort zone otherwise it will stay small but having someone who you can talk to/confide in is a huge help, they don't even need to do anything or offer any advice just having them there can be a big thing. |
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"Anyone fancy taking this further, forming a Whatsapp or Skype group or whatever people think?"
I personally think it would be a good idea to carry on with this and try and help others as well as ourselves. |
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"Anyone fancy taking this further, forming a Whatsapp or Skype group or whatever people think?
I personally think it would be a good idea to carry on with this and try and help others as well as ourselves. "
This thread tends to peter out after a while, until someone weeks later adds to it. It'd be great to keep the contact going |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I recommend a book called Dare by Barry McDonagh.
It really helped me when I was suffering from panic attacks.
I still have little flare ups now but it tends to be more situational and my brain understands it better.
I'm into the whole self affirmation process and I do feel that self love (not that kind you filth bags  ) and care can change your whole mindset with regards to social anxiety.
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Nice thought though 