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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man goes to the Doctor’s and says, "Doc, you gotta help me!"
The doctor says, "What’s your problem?"
The guy says, "Every morning I wake up with my "morning flagpole", give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbour’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with the one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking. For afternoon tea I give the boss’s wife a good servicing. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night I give the missus another screw."
Well", said the doctor, "What’s your problem?"
The guy says, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate..." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A bloke comes home from work on Friday, walks in his house and says "It’s the weekend, tomorrow, me, you and the dog, we’re all going fishing!"
The wife says "Every Friday for the last 10 years you’ve walked in and said we’re going fucking fishing, well I’m fucking fed up with fishing, I’m not fucking going!!"
"Fair enough" says the husband, "A quick one up the Ass or a blow job and you don’t have to go"
"I’ll give you a blow job then" says the wife.
She bends down and starts to suck his cock, "eeerrrggghhh your cock tastes like shite"
"Aye, the dog didn’t want to come either" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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One for us Railway workers
Last night on the way home from the pub I decided to take a short cut
over the railway. I then saw a woman tied to the railway track so i
untied her and we had mad sex all night.
I’m hoping for a blow job tomorrow if I can find her head |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side.
I would’ve d*unk a little less, I would’ve tried to keep my head,
If I’d known for just one second you’d assault me in your bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But you’ve been sitting on my legs and I can’t feel them anymore.
And now you’re sitting on my face, my nose has vanished - not a trace.
I only hope that you’re big knickers aren’t made of liquorice lace.
I want to go, I’ve got to leave.
Before your fat and naked body makes me bend over and heave.
Only hope that no one saw me walking home with such a slut.
God the things that you get up to when you’re half cut.
I can’t believe, I’m lying here.
It’s all "cos of that fucking evil drink that we call beer.
You can Sod your beer goggles, shit I must have been blind,
To mistake that Hoover dam for a sexy young behind.
Please let me go, I’m getting scared.
There’s nothing I can do to stop those ugly breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what made me want to court her?
With tits that look like Tesco bags I’ve just filled up with water.
It’s time to go, run out the door.
She’s started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor.
I don’t think there’s anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-lics curse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her muff.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they’d close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.
After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. The husband was standing there, pulling up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."
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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago
Milton Keynes |
Little Johnny runs into the kitchen and says “The bull in the field opposite is fucking a cow!”
“It’s not very nice to say that, dear”, says his mum. “We say the bull is …. surprising the cow.”
“OK mum” he says and leaves.
An hour later he runs in again: “Mum, the bull is surprising all the cows in the field!”
“Come now son, I don’t think he is surprising all of them, is he?”
“He is, Mum, he’s fucking a chicken!”
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