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How would you feel
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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evening all, a couple of weeks ago I started a new job after relocating to the northwest. question - if your colleagues are arranging a meal after work one evening (you know this because people are being openly invited in the open office) and you are not included in the invites, would you feel put out? or just think youre new and they have their own buddies who they get on with? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends on size of office and how many others are not invited. If most were going then I'd be put out."
Approx 20 in office and i think half have been invited.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would just think that it was because I was new. It's natural that friendships form in the workplace and maybe it just takes time before you start getting invitations.
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i am hoping thats the case, its hard not to feel a little deflated though, didnt think i was THAT bad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would be a bit miffed but as has been said friends and cliques are formed, but saying that if it was me I'd probably ask where's my invite in a jokey way and see what happens and on the other side if we at my work have had meals out we have always included any new starters  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on size of office and how many others are not invited. If most were going then I'd be put out.
Approx 20 in office and i think half have been invited. "
If its half then you aren't singled out as such. How about you invite other half for drinks as a newbie trying to get in the good books ? |
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I suppose the decent thing would be to invite you along if you’re new so you can get to know them and vice versa.if it’s say eight going in an office of twenty then it might just be they’re closer to each other than the rest. |
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It's something (as managers) we've had to deal with in terms of indirect workplace bullying. We had a case where colleagues were deliberately excluding certain individuals from post work events, by leaving individuals out of invites or by deliberately organising activities that one individual could or would not attend (e.g. religious reasons). It could genuinely just be a group of friends inviting their direct friends.
If it becomes clear it's regularly the case that individuals seem to be excluded, I'd have an informal chat with your line manager. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would be a bit miffed but as has been said friends and cliques are formed, but saying that if it was me I'd probably ask where's my invite in a jokey way and see what happens and on the other side if we at my work have had meals out we have always included any new starters "
i dont think im at that stage where i could have that banter with them, theyre quite closed off as a group. i have always made it a point of trying to include everyone whenever i was organising social events at work |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends on size of office and how many others are not invited. If most were going then I'd be put out.
Approx 20 in office and i think half have been invited.
If its half then you aren't singled out as such. How about you invite other half for drinks as a newbie trying to get in the good books ? "
that is a good idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Youre at work all day with these people why would you want to go out afterwards. You not being invited is a good way of knowing that they are a bit dickish in advance. You might just have dodged a bullet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suppose the decent thing would be to invite you along if you’re new so you can get to know them and vice versa.if it’s say eight going in an office of twenty then it might just be they’re closer to each other than the rest. "
i am hoping that is all it is, i just think they could have done it without me being sat there whilst it was being discussed, i felt extremely awkward and billy no mates |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"If I was the only one not invited then yes, I'd feel put out... but not if it was half the office. "
I know that feeling sooo well. I know that it takes time to be invited into cliques, but being left out does sting.
It's not what is said, but what the green eyed monster tells you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on size of office and how many others are not invited. If most were going then I'd be put out.
Approx 20 in office and i think half have been invited.
If its half then you aren't singled out as such. How about you invite other half for drinks as a newbie trying to get in the good books ? "
Top idea! If half aren't invited I wouldn't feel excluded, that seems normal enough to me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's something (as managers) we've had to deal with in terms of indirect workplace bullying. We had a case where colleagues were deliberately excluding certain individuals from post work events, by leaving individuals out of invites or by deliberately organising activities that one individual could or would not attend (e.g. religious reasons). It could genuinely just be a group of friends inviting their direct friends.
If it becomes clear it's regularly the case that individuals seem to be excluded, I'd have an informal chat with your line manager. "
i can see how it would become an issue if it continues to happen. maybe i'll be invited to the next one, if not i'll not be afraid to speak up, |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Youre at work all day with these people why would you want to go out afterwards. You not being invited is a good way of knowing that they are a bit dickish in advance. You might just have dodged a bullet."
Because im new to the area and was hoping to make some new friends, what better place than work. i may have to rethink this idea though if im left out again |
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"Youre at work all day with these people why would you want to go out afterwards. You not being invited is a good way of knowing that they are a bit dickish in advance. You might just have dodged a bullet."
I enjoy socialising with some of my colleagues. Not all. However, we still invite the one that most don't like to socialise with, otherwise we'd be deliberately singling out one person.
If they're dickish, I also wouldn't fancy working with them  |
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"I suppose the decent thing would be to invite you along if you’re new so you can get to know them and vice versa.if it’s say eight going in an office of twenty then it might just be they’re closer to each other than the rest.
i am hoping that is all it is, i just think they could have done it without me being sat there whilst it was being discussed, i felt extremely awkward and billy no mates "
Have you fitted in ok with them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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as you've only been there a couple of weeks, you have plenty of time still to gauge whether you WANT to socialise with them, don't sweat that they haven't asked.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I was the only one not invited then yes, I'd feel put out... but not if it was half the office.
I know that feeling sooo well. I know that it takes time to be invited into cliques, but being left out does sting.
It's not what is said, but what the green eyed monster tells you."
ordinarily it would not bother me but because ive relocated and dont know many people its hit a bit of a nerve |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suppose the decent thing would be to invite you along if you’re new so you can get to know them and vice versa.if it’s say eight going in an office of twenty then it might just be they’re closer to each other than the rest.
i am hoping that is all it is, i just think they could have done it without me being sat there whilst it was being discussed, i felt extremely awkward and billy no mates
Have you fitted in ok with them? "
its hard to tell, we are all in sections so it could be construed as quite cliquey. i only generally chat to the lass next to me because shes the only one that bothers to make conversation with me......ok so maybe i havent fitted in ok with them |
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There are numerous reasons why, which have been mentioned already, a simple one could be where they have chosen it only takes a set number or it’s a birthday for one of them, so their choice, who knows.
Try not to overthink it, settling in takes time. Make a suggestion to others to go out for drinks or even lunch to get to know each other. It’s scary but sometimes you’ve got to take that step rather than wait to be asked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I was the only one not invited then yes, I'd feel put out... but not if it was half the office.
I know that feeling sooo well. I know that it takes time to be invited into cliques, but being left out does sting.
It's not what is said, but what the green eyed monster tells you.
ordinarily it would not bother me but because ive relocated and dont know many people its hit a bit of a nerve"
Oh so sorry to hear this! They would know you have relocated and I would assume it would be courteous to invite you
Poor form of them x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If its a work thing then it kinda sucks but if it's just between the friendships they have made in the office then I guess it could just be that.
I think I'd be aware you are new and would want to make the effort to inlcude you.
If not though, bollocks to em. Get involved in some local good shit and meet people that way?
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"I suppose the decent thing would be to invite you along if you’re new so you can get to know them and vice versa.if it’s say eight going in an office of twenty then it might just be they’re closer to each other than the rest.
i am hoping that is all it is, i just think they could have done it without me being sat there whilst it was being discussed, i felt extremely awkward and billy no mates
Have you fitted in ok with them?
its hard to tell, we are all in sections so it could be construed as quite cliquey. i only generally chat to the lass next to me because shes the only one that bothers to make conversation with me......ok so maybe i havent fitted in ok with them"
Then I wouldn’t read too much into it. And sounds like if you went out with them you might just be sat there twiddling your thumbs.i wouldn’t worry about it,just enjoy your new surroundings.maybe ask the lady you chat to out for a coffee or a drink and have a laugh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are numerous reasons why, which have been mentioned already, a simple one could be where they have chosen it only takes a set number or it’s a birthday for one of them, so their choice, who knows.
Try not to overthink it, settling in takes time. Make a suggestion to others to go out for drinks or even lunch to get to know each other. It’s scary but sometimes you’ve got to take that step rather than wait to be asked "
Good point about the numbers, could easily have pre booked somewhere. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
Wales |
"As a newbie in a way I’d like to think I was invited as a welcome gesture"
This for me. I think it’s a bit mean of them as surely it would be nice to ask the new starter to break the ice, and so I’m blowing them a raspberry on your behalf OP x |
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