FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Partners losing interest in sex
Partners losing interest in sex
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Is it just me or is there a pandemic of people whose partners seem to go off having sex entirely and with hold? Often times, neither party chooses to end the relationship, so one is quite happy and the other is not - yet they stay together.
Usually they end up having affairs or end up on here. In my experience it's mostly men this happens to. Are these people using it as an excuse for what they do? Is it more common than it used to be? Why do they stay in such relationships?
Discuss! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thank you JellyOBaby sorry this is happening with you huni. Hope you are getting what you need somewhere.
That's a useful insight too. I have to say, I think for some it must be a genuine issue. And you've just confirmed too that it does affect all genders. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thank you JellyOBaby sorry this is happening with you huni. Hope you are getting what you need somewhere.
That's a useful insight too. I have to say, I think for some it must be a genuine issue. And you've just confirmed too that it does affect all genders."
You both joined recently and have the same issues? How lucky |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thank you JellyOBaby sorry this is happening with you huni. Hope you are getting what you need somewhere.
That's a useful insight too. I have to say, I think for some it must be a genuine issue. And you've just confirmed too that it does affect all genders."
Thank you Bathsheba, and that's why I'm on here, to find an outlet lol
The thing is, whether or not someone has a sex life is not sonething that should be decided by their partner. Unless there is a legitimate reason (medical perhaps) why one partner stops wanting sex, its unfair for them to impose a sex ban on the other party.
When I go on a diet, I don't expect my husband to give up eating nice things too!
I suppose this comes down to the separation of love and sex. Sex is a basic human need that no one should be denied. But there is always that stigma of 'cheating'. It's a difficult situation |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
It certainly is difficult. And difficult for anyone who because attached to someone who is in a 'sexless' relation to understand why they stay.
I'm also wondering is there an element of selfishness involved in a partner issuing a sex ban? Could it be ignorance as to the importance of sex to others, since they don't value it? Or could there be an aspect manipulation and control?
Any thoughts as to their reasoning and motives? Throwing this open to everyone by the way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
I've been in a sexless relationship for 5 years , pass 3 years emotionless as well doesn't cuddle doesn't kiss me sleeps with back to me on edge of the bed when I've tried to cuddle up in bed he moves or gets up goes down stairs for a drink it 2 months ago he told me he didn't love me anymore n has fallen out of love with me I asked to try sort it out I'd even try counciling but I get told he needs time yet nothing changes but doesn't leave either his weekends that are free he goes away on his own fishing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
That's really rough _not123
Very tough to deal with. I do wonder from what you're saying if he doesn't have an emotional issue such as depression? Either way it doesn't give him the right to treat you like that. He must be aware it hurts.
It's up to you to meet your needs. If you need sex then find it in a way that's right for you. If you need counselling alone or together, do your best to get it. There's loads of information online if you look.
This issue definitely seems more common than I at first thought sadly. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"That's really rough _not123
Very tough to deal with. I do wonder from what you're saying if he doesn't have an emotional issue such as depression? Either way it doesn't give him the right to treat you like that. He must be aware it hurts.
It's up to you to meet your needs. If you need sex then find it in a way that's right for you. If you need counselling alone or together, do your best to get it. There's loads of information online if you look.
This issue definitely seems more common than I at first thought sadly."
You have the most beautiful red hair x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago
In my happy place |
"I've been in a sexless relationship for 5 years , pass 3 years emotionless as well doesn't cuddle doesn't kiss me sleeps with back to me on edge of the bed when I've tried to cuddle up in bed he moves or gets up goes down stairs for a drink it 2 months ago he told me he didn't love me anymore n has fallen out of love with me I asked to try sort it out I'd even try counciling but I get told he needs time yet nothing changes but doesn't leave either his weekends that are free he goes away on his own fishing "
Is it someone else youre on here as a couple with? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"I've been in a sexless relationship for 5 years , pass 3 years emotionless as well doesn't cuddle doesn't kiss me sleeps with back to me on edge of the bed when I've tried to cuddle up in bed he moves or gets up goes down stairs for a drink it 2 months ago he told me he didn't love me anymore n has fallen out of love with me I asked to try sort it out I'd even try counciling but I get told he needs time yet nothing changes but doesn't leave either his weekends that are free he goes away on his own fishing
Is it someone else youre on here as a couple with? "
Yes a very good friend yess to everyone it's wrong in most eyes but same time try living a life with noone holding you or kissing you . He won't leave he has also cheated in those 5 years on me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've been in a sexless relationship for 5 years , pass 3 years emotionless as well doesn't cuddle doesn't kiss me sleeps with back to me on edge of the bed when I've tried to cuddle up in bed he moves or gets up goes down stairs for a drink it 2 months ago he told me he didn't love me anymore n has fallen out of love with me I asked to try sort it out I'd even try counciling but I get told he needs time yet nothing changes but doesn't leave either his weekends that are free he goes away on his own fishing
Is it someone else youre on here as a couple with?
Yes a very good friend yess to everyone it's wrong in most eyes but same time try living a life with noone holding you or kissing you . He won't leave he has also cheated in those 5 years on me "
We all have to make our own choices when it comes to morals and lifestyle. And no one knows another person's situation completely. Try not to let those who judge get you down. You've every right to be happy and to have affection and sex. They are basic needs. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"That's really rough _not123
Very tough to deal with. I do wonder from what you're saying if he doesn't have an emotional issue such as depression? Either way it doesn't give him the right to treat you like that. He must be aware it hurts.
It's up to you to meet your needs. If you need sex then find it in a way that's right for you. If you need counselling alone or together, do your best to get it. There's loads of information online if you look.
This issue definitely seems more common than I at first thought sadly."
He knows how hurt I am .. last Christmas I stood in front of him and said when was the last time you kissed or hugged me .. so he grabbed me pecked me on the lips hugged really quick then let go and said will that do I just said nothing and walked away . I could throw him out but I just keep it would change but it just keeps getting worse ..p is my rock poor man seen me cry and shocked him as I'm happy strong woman he has known me yrs
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"That's really rough _not123
Very tough to deal with. I do wonder from what you're saying if he doesn't have an emotional issue such as depression? Either way it doesn't give him the right to treat you like that. He must be aware it hurts.
It's up to you to meet your needs. If you need sex then find it in a way that's right for you. If you need counselling alone or together, do your best to get it. There's loads of information online if you look.
This issue definitely seems more common than I at first thought sadly.
You have the most beautiful red hair x"
Thank you x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"I've been in a sexless relationship for 5 years , pass 3 years emotionless as well doesn't cuddle doesn't kiss me sleeps with back to me on edge of the bed when I've tried to cuddle up in bed he moves or gets up goes down stairs for a drink it 2 months ago he told me he didn't love me anymore n has fallen out of love with me I asked to try sort it out I'd even try counciling but I get told he needs time yet nothing changes but doesn't leave either his weekends that are free he goes away on his own fishing
Is it someone else youre on here as a couple with?
Yes a very good friend yess to everyone it's wrong in most eyes but same time try living a life with noone holding you or kissing you . He won't leave he has also cheated in those 5 years on me
We all have to make our own choices when it comes to morals and lifestyle. And no one knows another person's situation completely. Try not to let those who judge get you down. You've every right to be happy and to have affection and sex. They are basic needs."
Thank you xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My marraige is not without sex, far from it but it does lack a lot of what I need....that extra bit of spice that my other half will not indulge in. I will not try and force her to do what she doesn't want to do as I love her too much to do that but I also have needs I cannot surpress. I've never lied about that on here and my profile clearly states it. Some appreciate the honesty and others think I'm an arse but it is what it is and I always play it 'safe'. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My marraige is not without sex, far from it but it does lack a lot of what I need....that extra bit of spice that my other half will not indulge in. I will not try and force her to do what she doesn't want to do as I love her too much to do that but I also have needs I cannot surpress. I've never lied about that on here and my profile clearly states it. Some appreciate the honesty and others think I'm an arse but it is what it is and I always play it 'safe'. "
I always have more respect for a gentleman who is open and honest about his situation, rather than lies to get what he wants. As has already been said, if they do that, they're lacking respect for everyone, including themselves.
As a mostly dominant female, I find it not to my taste to play with married men. But that is just my own personal preference. It's not a moral judgement. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The OH and I have not had sex for nearly 10 years. She has suffered with MH issues all her life. Since the menopause sex has become painful and the slight weight gain has given her body image issues (she had anorexia in her teens). We cuddle loads but she shuns intimate contact. We are still very much in love and our life is good in every other way, just no sex. She knows I still want and need it and so turns a blind eye to my "activities" as long as I'm not blatant about it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it just me or is there a pandemic of people whose partners seem to go off having sex entirely and with hold? Often times, neither party chooses to end the relationship, so one is quite happy and the other is not - yet they stay together.
Usually they end up having affairs or end up on here. In my experience it's mostly men this happens to. Are these people using it as an excuse for what they do? Is it more common than it used to be? Why do they stay in such relationships?
Discuss!"
I went off sex to the point of thinking if I never had sex again it would be a relief, it didn't hurt but it almost felt like I couldn't relax or feel anything anymore, it caused alot of issues in our marriage.
Then our youngest started school and I had abit more me time, I got the counselling I desperately needed and found the right happy pills to suit me. It took 5 years but we've had more sex in the last few weeks than we've had in the last 5 years. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Funnily enough,
We're the exact opposite.
My drive is through the roof and can come across pushy and needy.
Mrs drive can be near zero for long periods at a time. Its not important for her in her life.
I think it's just a personal thing on what you believe sex is. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"It's not only men. I'm in this exact position. I don't want to end an otherwise perfectly good marriage, but I also still have a raging sex drive. "
Me too... there are quite a few of us ladies here in this position. And no, we don’t just say it to get laid. We’d still get laid without saying it.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"Is it just me or is there a pandemic of people whose partners seem to go off having sex entirely and with hold? Often times, neither party chooses to end the relationship, so one is quite happy and the other is not - yet they stay together.
Usually they end up having affairs or end up on here. In my experience it's mostly men this happens to. Are these people using it as an excuse for what they do? Is it more common than it used to be? Why do they stay in such relationships?
Discuss!
I went off sex to the point of thinking if I never had sex again it would be a relief, it didn't hurt but it almost felt like I couldn't relax or feel anything anymore, it caused alot of issues in our marriage.
Then our youngest started school and I had abit more me time, I got the counselling I desperately needed and found the right happy pills to suit me. It took 5 years but we've had more sex in the last few weeks than we've had in the last 5 years. "
Good for you 
Glad all going well  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I got to the point (when we first joined fab) that I would find someone to make Mr P happy in a way I felt I physically couldn't, we didn't go through with it but that was a very low point for me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The OH and I have not had sex for nearly 10 years. She has suffered with MH issues all her life. Since the menopause sex has become painful and the slight weight gain has given her body image issues (she had anorexia in her teens). We cuddle loads but she shuns intimate contact. We are still very much in love and our life is good in every other way, just no sex. She knows I still want and need it and so turns a blind eye to my "activities" as long as I'm not blatant about it.
"
I'm sure it's not ideal. But whose relationship is in all aspects? It's great that you can be open about it and that you still love and care for each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"It's not only men. I'm in this exact position. I don't want to end an otherwise perfectly good marriage, but I also still have a raging sex drive.
Me too... there are quite a few of us ladies here in this position. And no, we don’t just say it to get laid. We’d still get laid without saying it. "
True sadly  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is it just me or is there a pandemic of people whose partners seem to go off having sex entirely and with hold? Often times, neither party chooses to end the relationship, so one is quite happy and the other is not - yet they stay together.
Usually they end up having affairs or end up on here. In my experience it's mostly men this happens to. Are these people using it as an excuse for what they do? Is it more common than it used to be? Why do they stay in such relationships?
Discuss!
I went off sex to the point of thinking if I never had sex again it would be a relief, it didn't hurt but it almost felt like I couldn't relax or feel anything anymore, it caused alot of issues in our marriage.
Then our youngest started school and I had abit more me time, I got the counselling I desperately needed and found the right happy pills to suit me. It took 5 years but we've had more sex in the last few weeks than we've had in the last 5 years. "
Great to hear a success story and that you got the support you needed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"The OH and I have not had sex for nearly 10 years. She has suffered with MH issues all her life. Since the menopause sex has become painful and the slight weight gain has given her body image issues (she had anorexia in her teens). We cuddle loads but she shuns intimate contact. We are still very much in love and our life is good in every other way, just no sex. She knows I still want and need it and so turns a blind eye to my "activities" as long as I'm not blatant about it.
I'm sure it's not ideal. But whose relationship is in all aspects? It's great that you can be open about it and that you still love and care for each other "
Agree |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
"Hmm...I thought as much.
Any guys ever had a woman say it to them, that they're in a sexless relationship?"
Yes. It wasn't a sexual conversation, more two work mates talking about their lives. It never went anywhere and neither us wanted it to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The problem is that sex and love are so intertwined that its almost impossible to separate them for most people (I appreciate that in this community its different).
If I wanted to take up ballroom dancing or something, and husband wasn't interested, then there would be no social stigma around me finding another male to be my dancing partner and fulfil that need - so why is sex different?
I have a lot of gay friends, and their attitude to this is SO different. Yes, I know there's a reputation for gay promiscuity, but even within committed relationships, there may well be fuck buddies on the side to cater for needs that the long term partner isn't into. And there's no resentment. I am very envious of their relationships. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hmm...I thought as much.
Any guys ever had a woman say it to them, that they're in a sexless relationship?"
Yes !
There are quite a few profiles that have it written on too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Living with someone means you see each other as they are 'every day' rather than when you dating and making the effort to be sexy for each other. So that kills the magic.
Also humans are animals and not designed to be monogamous, one partner is not enough.
Familiarity breeds contempt
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"Living with someone means you see each other as they are 'every day' rather than when you dating and making the effort to be sexy for each other. So that kills the magic.
Also humans are animals and not designed to be monogamous, one partner is not enough.
In my relationship of 17 years I've constantly put effort in, come down stairs dropping my towel in front of him walking in kitchen or climb on top of him whilst whatching tv . Dress nice lose weight(unfortunately put weight on over pass 5 yrs as he doesn'twant me ), naughty textes hoping to keep it alive, but previous message he just lost interest in me.think if you want a good exciting relationship you can keep it alive. Just think if you fall out of love why don't they just leave why stay making other one so miserable.
Familiarity breeds contempt
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thank you JellyOBaby sorry this is happening with you huni. Hope you are getting what you need somewhere.
That's a useful insight too. I have to say, I think for some it must be a genuine issue. And you've just confirmed too that it does affect all genders.
Thank you Bathsheba, and that's why I'm on here, to find an outlet lol
The thing is, whether or not someone has a sex life is not sonething that should be decided by their partner. Unless there is a legitimate reason (medical perhaps) why one partner stops wanting sex, its unfair for them to impose a sex ban on the other party.
When I go on a diet, I don't expect my husband to give up eating nice things too!
I suppose this comes down to the separation of love and sex. Sex is a basic human need that no one should be denied. But there is always that stigma of 'cheating'. It's a difficult situation "
Are you saying that the partner that cannot face the thought of sex should do it anyway? Where's the joy in that for either party?
How about conversation that ends up respecting the wishes of both parties? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
"Hmm...I thought as much.
Any guys ever had a woman say it to them, that they're in a sexless relationship?"
Read all the posts in tbe forums, there are a lot of women here on FAB who are in same situation but they don't usually talk about it soo much.
Men seem to be a lot more vocal about it in the forums.
Just because women they say here with permission, many aren't.
Oh just to add another forum vex. Married women are far more acceptable then guys - just way it is |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
What makes it a sex ban and not someone having self esteem or mental health issues, or physical imbalance that on the surface may present itself to the person being withheld as a ban?
Many many medical issues can impact sex drive, just because ya can't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
I struggle to understand the concept of love without honesty and trust. I struggle to understand the concept of love when people allow the person they "love" to continue in a relationship that's a lie.
It's not love, it's fear. Fear of disappointing the partner by standing up and saying "sex is incredibly important to me and I need it to maintain a healthy mind"
It's fear of being rejected.
It's fear of losing what you've worked for up until this point.
Fear of being labelled a cheat by friends and family.
You're allowed to want sex, they're allowed to not want sex. It's how you BOTH tackle the situation and if you both do it with understanding, compassion, patience and a hell of a lot of soul searching and honesty then the relationship can work. Other than that I can't see that it's love.... it's manipulation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
And yes, lots of people say they get none at home when in reality they do. I've seen plenty whinging that their partner doesn't give them sex. 75 posts later they say they're simply not getting it as often as they want or the type of sex that they want.
Cool. Worth ripping someone's life apart then. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is it just me or is there a pandemic of people whose partners seem to go off having sex entirely and with hold? Often times, neither party chooses to end the relationship, so one is quite happy and the other is not - yet they stay together.
Usually they end up having affairs or end up on here. In my experience it's mostly men this happens to. Are these people using it as an excuse for what they do? Is it more common than it used to be? Why do they stay in such relationships?
Discuss!"
Love the wife to bits but I have needs she’s gone of sex because of health reasons |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi there im on q same boat... for over 2 yrs my gf lost a interest at all... i love her and dont want to split but i cant handle no sex life anymore  "
If your sister came to you and said her husband was cheating on her because she had gone off sex what would you say to her? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hmm...I thought as much.
Any guys ever had a woman say it to them, that they're in a sexless relationship?"
My first ever meeting on Fab , a lovely woman who hated her husband, just waiting for the kids to fly the nest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My situation is quite different.
I'm the one who doesnt want to have sex, well, not with my husband. I just dont feel that way about him. I just cant bring myself to do it anymore.
We haven't been intimate in about 6 years.
He has permission to discreetly look elsewhere but chooses not to.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Are you saying that the partner that cannot face the thought of sex should do it anyway? Where's the joy in that for either party?
How about conversation that ends up respecting the wishes of both parties?"
No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that people have needs and asking someone to go without something they NEED for their mental and physical health is just as bad as asking someone to do something JUST for the sake of the other party.
As I said, its a horribly difficult situation. But it's definitely not black and white. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What makes it a sex ban and not someone having self esteem or mental health issues, or physical imbalance that on the surface may present itself to the person being withheld as a ban?
Many many medical issues can impact sex drive, just because ya can't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
I struggle to understand the concept of love without honesty and trust. I struggle to understand the concept of love when people allow the person they "love" to continue in a relationship that's a lie.
It's not love, it's fear. Fear of disappointing the partner by standing up and saying "sex is incredibly important to me and I need it to maintain a healthy mind"
It's fear of being rejected.
It's fear of losing what you've worked for up until this point.
Fear of being labelled a cheat by friends and family.
You're allowed to want sex, they're allowed to not want sex. It's how you BOTH tackle the situation and if you both do it with understanding, compassion, patience and a hell of a lot of soul searching and honesty then the relationship can work. Other than that I can't see that it's love.... it's manipulation. "
I agree with all of this.
In my case, husband is much, much older and just feels that his sexy time years are behind him. As is his right to choose.
What he doesn't get to choose is whether my sexy time years are also over.
Agree it is an incredibly difficult conversation to have. And one that should never be had in anger. It requires both parties to be grown ups and talk honestly about each others needs. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can identify with this, I stayed in a sexless marriage for a decade before I decided to walk out working on the theory that it was better to have some hope than non at all. It did cost me everything though to ensure she had a house |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What makes it a sex ban and not someone having self esteem or mental health issues, or physical imbalance that on the surface may present itself to the person being withheld as a ban?
Many many medical issues can impact sex drive, just because ya can't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
I struggle to understand the concept of love without honesty and trust. I struggle to understand the concept of love when people allow the person they "love" to continue in a relationship that's a lie.
It's not love, it's fear. Fear of disappointing the partner by standing up and saying "sex is incredibly important to me and I need it to maintain a healthy mind"
It's fear of being rejected.
It's fear of losing what you've worked for up until this point.
Fear of being labelled a cheat by friends and family.
You're allowed to want sex, they're allowed to not want sex. It's how you BOTH tackle the situation and if you both do it with understanding, compassion, patience and a hell of a lot of soul searching and honesty then the relationship can work. Other than that I can't see that it's love.... it's manipulation.
I agree with all of this.
In my case, husband is much, much older and just feels that his sexy time years are behind him. As is his right to choose.
What he doesn't get to choose is whether my sexy time years are also over.
Agree it is an incredibly difficult conversation to have. And one that should never be had in anger. It requires both parties to be grown ups and talk honestly about each others needs."
Sorry to hear about your situation. Message me? Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What makes it a sex ban and not someone having self esteem or mental health issues, or physical imbalance that on the surface may present itself to the person being withheld as a ban?
Many many medical issues can impact sex drive, just because ya can't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
I struggle to understand the concept of love without honesty and trust. I struggle to understand the concept of love when people allow the person they "love" to continue in a relationship that's a lie.
It's not love, it's fear. Fear of disappointing the partner by standing up and saying "sex is incredibly important to me and I need it to maintain a healthy mind"
It's fear of being rejected.
It's fear of losing what you've worked for up until this point.
Fear of being labelled a cheat by friends and family.
You're allowed to want sex, they're allowed to not want sex. It's how you BOTH tackle the situation and if you both do it with understanding, compassion, patience and a hell of a lot of soul searching and honesty then the relationship can work. Other than that I can't see that it's love.... it's manipulation.
I agree with all of this.
In my case, husband is much, much older and just feels that his sexy time years are behind him. As is his right to choose.
What he doesn't get to choose is whether my sexy time years are also over.
Agree it is an incredibly difficult conversation to have. And one that should never be had in anger. It requires both parties to be grown ups and talk honestly about each others needs."
One could argue the case that it was inevitable that it would happen with such a large age gap and the conversation probably should have been had regarding expectations when the time came. Much the same as women struggling with sex drive through the menopause.
I think they're both absolutely topics that should be discussed at any time so decisions can be made.
So many people take the deceptive route instead of working together and doing research or heading to couples counselling. People aren't honest about what sex means to them. So many justify their infidelity by saying "it didn't mean anything, it's just sex" but if it didn't mean anything people wouldn't do it.
They're lying to themselves as well as their partner.
If it was no more than a physical act people would have a wank.
For some it's the risk, for others it's feeling desired. It's a whole host of things and very very rarely "just" sex.
We've all seen the cancer advert, it's "just a bit of blood"...
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
One could argue the case that it was inevitable that it would happen with such a large age gap and the conversation probably should have been had regarding expectations when the time came.
"
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and yes, that conversation should probably have happened.
But the heart wants what the heart wants, and because of the eternal optimism of the human heart, I don't think anyone, ever, in the first flush of a romance has had a conversation along the lines of "What's the plan for in 20 years time and you don't want to fuck anymore?" because I think we all hope that sex drives will remain compatible as we grow old together.
And yes, I'm aware that I'm probably an idiot for assuming a much older husband will keep up with me. But to be fair, I'm sure Mick Jagger is still shagging like the proverbial...
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"And yes, lots of people say they get none at home when in reality they do. I've seen plenty whinging that their partner doesn't give them sex. 75 posts later they say they're simply not getting it as often as they want or the type of sex that they want.
Cool. Worth ripping someone's life apart then."
I'm getting none from my partner even a cuddle would be something. But nothing . Why he is still staying I haven't a clue |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thank you JellyOBaby sorry this is happening with you huni. Hope you are getting what you need somewhere.
That's a useful insight too. I have to say, I think for some it must be a genuine issue. And you've just confirmed too that it does affect all genders.
Thank you Bathsheba, and that's why I'm on here, to find an outlet lol
The thing is, whether or not someone has a sex life is not sonething that should be decided by their partner. Unless there is a legitimate reason (medical perhaps) why one partner stops wanting sex, its unfair for them to impose a sex ban on the other party.
When I go on a diet, I don't expect my husband to give up eating nice things too!
I suppose this comes down to the separation of love and sex. Sex is a basic human need that no one should be denied. But there is always that stigma of 'cheating'. It's a difficult situation "
The question is, are you telling him?
It’s not fair to impose a sex ban on your partner
It’s also not fair to fuck people behind his back |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's not only men. I'm in this exact position. I don't want to end an otherwise perfectly good marriage, but I also still have a raging sex drive. "
My god that’s so refreshing as guys get vilified on here
Yes many of us are being honest about it
Separations not as cut and dried as those not in the same boat think even if it’s wanted
Bet you don’t get villified lol seems a lot of indirect discrimination on here xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My husband simply can't. Seen the docs, tried various meds. Once in a blue moon he has a good day. Lack of sex is not a reason to leave him. We're happy together and mean the world to each other. He knows I'm on here, has full access to my profile and knows I have a fwb (has met him several times). So this is our solution to the lack of sex inconvenience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it just me or is there a pandemic of people whose partners seem to go off having sex entirely and with hold? Often times, neither party chooses to end the relationship, so one is quite happy and the other is not - yet they stay together.
Usually they end up having affairs or end up on here. In my experience it's mostly men this happens to. Are these people using it as an excuse for what they do? Is it more common than it used to be? Why do they stay in such relationships?
Discuss!"
One of the main reasons I’m divorced |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What makes it a sex ban and not someone having self esteem or mental health issues, or physical imbalance that on the surface may present itself to the person being withheld as a ban?
Many many medical issues can impact sex drive, just because ya can't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
I struggle to understand the concept of love without honesty and trust. I struggle to understand the concept of love when people allow the person they "love" to continue in a relationship that's a lie.
It's not love, it's fear. Fear of disappointing the partner by standing up and saying "sex is incredibly important to me and I need it to maintain a healthy mind"
It's fear of being rejected.
It's fear of losing what you've worked for up until this point.
Fear of being labelled a cheat by friends and family.
You're allowed to want sex, they're allowed to not want sex. It's how you BOTH tackle the situation and if you both do it with understanding, compassion, patience and a hell of a lot of soul searching and honesty then the relationship can work. Other than that I can't see that it's love.... it's manipulation. "
I've read your comments and you make some good points, ones that some might not have considered before. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My husband simply can't. Seen the docs, tried various meds. Once in a blue moon he has a good day. Lack of sex is not a reason to leave him. We're happy together and mean the world to each other. He knows I'm on here, has full access to my profile and knows I have a fwb (has met him several times). So this is our solution to the lack of sex inconvenience."
Another very different perspective. Glad you can make it work for all involved |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
One could argue the case that it was inevitable that it would happen with such a large age gap and the conversation probably should have been had regarding expectations when the time came.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and yes, that conversation should probably have happened.
But the heart wants what the heart wants, and because of the eternal optimism of the human heart, I don't think anyone, ever, in the first flush of a romance has had a conversation along the lines of "What's the plan for in 20 years time and you don't want to fuck anymore?" because I think we all hope that sex drives will remain compatible as we grow old together.
And yes, I'm aware that I'm probably an idiot for assuming a much older husband will keep up with me. But to be fair, I'm sure Mick Jagger is still shagging like the proverbial...
"
That wasn't a dig at you.
We've all been in situations where things haven't panned out. People change as do their needs and wants.
I think it's one of those things where you think about it as the time comes nearer.
A few years back I was dubious about getting into another relationship coz I know I've the menopause coming at some point in the next decade and the last thing I wanted was to feel like I'd duped someone by being one person when we met and changing quite rapidly. I threw caution to the wind when I met someone and told myself not to be such a Debbie downer and live a little. Waste of fucking time, he wasn't the person he portrayed and had a wife at home oblivious to the fact he had a mistress who believed they were separated and was his girlfriend. Now I "just" refuse to let anyone close again as my faith in relationships and honesty has gone, my hopes of a happy ending full of life and love are now a great source of anxiety to the point I've switched off and the thought of having sex again makes me dry heave. The damage it does when you find out your life as you know it is a lie is beyond cruel. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
One could argue the case that it was inevitable that it would happen with such a large age gap and the conversation probably should have been had regarding expectations when the time came.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and yes, that conversation should probably have happened.
But the heart wants what the heart wants, and because of the eternal optimism of the human heart, I don't think anyone, ever, in the first flush of a romance has had a conversation along the lines of "What's the plan for in 20 years time and you don't want to fuck anymore?" because I think we all hope that sex drives will remain compatible as we grow old together.
And yes, I'm aware that I'm probably an idiot for assuming a much older husband will keep up with me. But to be fair, I'm sure Mick Jagger is still shagging like the proverbial...
That wasn't a dig at you.
We've all been in situations where things haven't panned out. People change as do their needs and wants.
I think it's one of those things where you think about it as the time comes nearer.
A few years back I was dubious about getting into another relationship coz I know I've the menopause coming at some point in the next decade and the last thing I wanted was to feel like I'd duped someone by being one person when we met and changing quite rapidly. I threw caution to the wind when I met someone and told myself not to be such a Debbie downer and live a little. Waste of fucking time, he wasn't the person he portrayed and had a wife at home oblivious to the fact he had a mistress who believed they were separated and was his girlfriend. Now I "just" refuse to let anyone close again as my faith in relationships and honesty has gone, my hopes of a happy ending full of life and love are now a great source of anxiety to the point I've switched off and the thought of having sex again makes me dry heave. The damage it does when you find out your life as you know it is a lie is beyond cruel."
I have so much respect and admiration for you PP, that fuckwit was such a caring and attentive man, just to get his dick wet. The lengths he went through for a fuck mirrors soooo many men I've met and dealt with.
I empathise with you completely, I've been single for over half my life and I will die unpartnered because just like you, compromise is not an option.
T. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
