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So wrong married...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Super wrong but after 16years of being the faithful wife in July this year I couldn't do it anymore . I won't elaborate but he was up to no good in ways I can't bare to discuss and this made me angry and resent my sexual frustration . I met some one .. long story and it opened up a whole new world and made me realise what I'm missing x
Please be assured iv tried so so hard to spice things up at home ... iv offered everything with no response x
Anyway moral of the post my eyes have been opened but back to reality I'm in a loving great marriage but with zero sexual satisfaction... has anyone found a way passed this alone or as a couple... I'm at a loss and can't bare to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life x
Sorry for the long message I'm just at a loss x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Open marriage if you are otherwise happy?
If that doesn't work then you have to decide if you are happy in your current place. Have a long talk and spell everything out to your partner & gauge his response.
Can you make it work and if not then are you better free to find someone who you can he happy with in all facets of life or making a compromise to be were you are.
No easy answer unfortunately but you only get 1 life so make the most of what you have |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for this I approached a 3 some or open relationship and he freaked x however I know he is on chat sites etc.. I felt this was perfect to suggest a more open relationship but nope x
I guess u answered it x think I'm worried I'm coming up 40 and have such a sexual appetite that's harder to manage xx |
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Believe me I know how you feel. I am in a marriage which has long been sexless (perhaps 30 years). Despite formal counselling and trying to at arouse my wife we have concluded that our libidos are at opposite end of the spectrum! I want and need sex in my life it means nothing to her. Affairs would challenge and threaten our otherwise great partnership and the stability of family so separating has never been an option. I certainly do not want to pay for sex but via Fab and swinging I at least get to occasionally enjoy the attentions of sexually relaxed encounters without the risk of emotional entanglements, especially playing with couples. For me it has been a godsend although sadly my age means few are attracted to play. I doubt this is of any use to you, but I feel for you and hope you find a way forward. Alan |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like he’s being hypocritical, if he’s on chat sites anyway.
Honestly pal, no one is holding a gun to your head. You don’t need to live with this indefinitely.
I wish you the best x |
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Mating in captivity - Esther Perel.
Couples counselling.
Open honest communication. He may not feel it is an issue whereas you do, and if he takes on board it IS an issue, is he willing to put the work in to find some answers?
Health checks, for all either of you know he could be vitamin deficient or something that is impacting his sex drive.
There's every chance his confidence is shot, if his sex drive is lower he may feel like he can't satisfy you which will make him less likely to want it. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Mating in captivity - Esther Perel.
Couples counselling.
Open honest communication. He may not feel it is an issue whereas you do, and if he takes on board it IS an issue, is he willing to put the work in to find some answers?
Health checks, for all either of you know he could be vitamin deficient or something that is impacting his sex drive.
There's every chance his confidence is shot, if his sex drive is lower he may feel like he can't satisfy you which will make him less likely to want it."
Research everything, as this is all good stuff to know. Going through the andropause is the current taboo for men. I've got low testosterone levels, as proven in a recent blood test, so I have an idea what this does to the male ego.
Sex is important and needs to be talked about as grown ups, not shy teenagers who skulk in some sort of shame.
this needs a mutli agency approach, visit the GP together, then relate, then a sexual counsellor.
I don't have any answers, but keep asking "If that's not the reason, then what else could it be?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Super wrong but after 16years of being the faithful wife in July this year I couldn't do it anymore . I won't elaborate but he was up to no good in ways I can't bare to discuss and this made me angry and resent my sexual frustration . I met some one .. long story and it opened up a whole new world and made me realise what I'm missing x
Please be assured iv tried so so hard to spice things up at home ... iv offered everything with no response x
Anyway moral of the post my eyes have been opened but back to reality I'm in a loving great marriage but with zero sexual satisfaction... has anyone found a way passed this alone or as a couple... I'm at a loss and can't bare to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life x
Sorry for the long message I'm just at a loss x"
Can feel your pain and totly empathise with you, good luck. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
Check out a book called The Ethical Slut. It might offer some guidance for your particular situation.
There's great stuff in there for monogamous couples as well, about communication in relationships.
Hopefully you find the solution to your situation. |
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"Super wrong but after 16years of being the faithful wife in July this year I couldn't do it anymore . I won't elaborate but he was up to no good in ways I can't bare to discuss and this made me angry and resent my sexual frustration . I met some one .. long story and it opened up a whole new world and made me realise what I'm missing x
Please be assured iv tried so so hard to spice things up at home ... iv offered everything with no response x
Anyway moral of the post my eyes have been opened but back to reality I'm in a loving great marriage but with zero sexual satisfaction... has anyone found a way passed this alone or as a couple... I'm at a loss and can't bare to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life x
Sorry for the long message I'm just at a loss x"
I can relate to this as I was in the same position as you. Being ignored sexually for years is soul destroying and it was making me so unhappy. I had two choices, stay or leave. I actually left and have never looked back. Leaving was the hardest thing I had ever done but also the best. |
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"Super wrong but after 16years of being the faithful wife in July this year I couldn't do it anymore . I won't elaborate but he was up to no good in ways I can't bare to discuss and this made me angry and resent my sexual frustration . I met some one .. long story and it opened up a whole new world and made me realise what I'm missing x
Please be assured iv tried so so hard to spice things up at home ... iv offered everything with no response x
Anyway moral of the post my eyes have been opened but back to reality I'm in a loving great marriage but with zero sexual satisfaction... has anyone found a way passed this alone or as a couple... I'm at a loss and can't bare to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life x
Sorry for the long message I'm just at a loss x"
None of us are qualified to help you get some real help not us muppet..
Good luck op |
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"Super wrong but after 16years of being the faithful wife in July this year I couldn't do it anymore . I won't elaborate but he was up to no good in ways I can't bare to discuss and this made me angry and resent my sexual frustration . I met some one .. long story and it opened up a whole new world and made me realise what I'm missing x
Please be assured iv tried so so hard to spice things up at home ... iv offered everything with no response x
Anyway moral of the post my eyes have been opened but back to reality I'm in a loving great marriage but with zero sexual satisfaction... has anyone found a way passed this alone or as a couple... I'm at a loss and can't bare to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life x
Sorry for the long message I'm just at a loss x
None of us are qualified to help you get some real help not us muppet..
Good luck op"
There are so many lovely people on here with lots of great tips and advice but in practicality not always easy to follow up. Have you got a close friend/relative you can confide in, they may not have the answer but being able to talk about it with someone you can trust could be a starting point. Good luck and take care... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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totally relate to this good luck with wat ever you decide to do. its not a easy decision, I am going thru very similar.
just one note I find that if a women comes up with this everyone feels sorry and tries to be nice if it's a guy then you are most likely to be labelled as a cheat . just saying  |
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"just one note I find that if a women comes up with this everyone feels sorry and tries to be nice if it's a guy then you are most likely to be labelled as a cheat . just saying "
We tend to agree with you. There is a definite difference in tone on this thread to other similar threads by males. |
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It is truly a sorry thing when the sex disappears from a relationship. It was the catalyst that ended my marriage. Only you know your situation and how much you can put up with. I (like the other posters) would not presume to tell you what you need to do, but I suspect you have the intelligence to have tried everything you think would have worked. The only thing I can say is a sexless marriage can make you feel unloved and unwanted. That is a very sad and lonely place to be. |
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By *asual777Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
Work on yourself and be the best and healthiest you can be
Keep talking to your partner .
If you’re clear that the lack of sex isn’t exacerbated by anything you’re bringing into the mix , then you’ve got a couple of options
Leave
Or open the marriage even if it’s just from your side .
No other author should write the story of your life
I know from having visited the iliasm website (I live in a sexless marriage ) that having the ‘i am leaving chat’ can be very effective
But don’t shred your cred . Only have it if you’re genuinely at that Point
Money/lawyers/kids and custody all very relevant but not as relevant as your sanity
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"Thank you for this I approached a 3 some or open relationship and he freaked x however I know he is on chat sites etc.. I felt this was perfect to suggest a more open relationship but nope x
I guess u answered it x think I'm worried I'm coming up 40 and have such a sexual appetite that's harder to manage xx"
You are still young, don't waste your life in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Super wrong but after 16years of being the faithful wife in July this year I couldn't do it anymore . I won't elaborate but he was up to no good in ways I can't bare to discuss and this made me angry and resent my sexual frustration . I met some one .. long story and it opened up a whole new world and made me realise what I'm missing x
Please be assured iv tried so so hard to spice things up at home ... iv offered everything with no response x
Anyway moral of the post my eyes have been opened but back to reality I'm in a loving great marriage but with zero sexual satisfaction... has anyone found a way passed this alone or as a couple... I'm at a loss and can't bare to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life x
Sorry for the long message I'm just at a loss x"
I was in this situation a few years ago when I very first joined. I left, and I’ve never looked back. It does get better. |
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"just one note I find that if a women comes up with this everyone feels sorry and tries to be nice if it's a guy then you are most likely to be labelled as a cheat . just saying
We tend to agree with you. There is a definite difference in tone on this thread to other similar threads by males."
100% right. Hypocrisy is rife on posts around this topic |
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"just one note I find that if a women comes up with this everyone feels sorry and tries to be nice if it's a guy then you are most likely to be labelled as a cheat . just saying
We tend to agree with you. There is a definite difference in tone on this thread to other similar threads by males.
100% right. Hypocrisy is rife on posts around this topic "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Open and honest communication, in order to try and find a remedy to issue, seek professional help from a counsel, etc. Establishing if there is a fix that will reignite the passion lost that you once had; and if not after having tried everything then coming to terms that it’s simply time to move on and do what will make you happy in life. Life is short, make the most of it whilst we still can. Best wishes, I really hope you find a remedy that will make and keep you both happy. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"just one note I find that if a women comes up with this everyone feels sorry and tries to be nice if it's a guy then you are most likely to be labelled as a cheat . just saying
We tend to agree with you. There is a definite difference in tone on this thread to other similar threads by males.
100% right. Hypocrisy is rife on posts around this topic
"
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"I was in the same situation but married for 30 years in the end i walked away . Best thing I could have done but that option not for everyone "
Same here really. I was married for 11 years but our sex life was non existent. I couldn't bring myself to search elsewhere so I ended it. Still was the hardest thing I ever did but it was for the best |
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"I was in the same situation but married for 30 years in the end i walked away . Best thing I could have done but that option not for everyone
Same here really. I was married for 11 years but our sex life was non existent. I couldn't bring myself to search elsewhere so I ended it. Still was the hardest thing I ever did but it was for the best "
. Same here |
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I was in the same situation when I joined here.
It’s bloody difficult, emotionally draining and mentally exhausting.
We separated amicably a few years ago. For both of us it was for the absolute best and we remain the good friends we always were. Should have done it when I first realised I wasn’t in the marriage anymore. |
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"I was in the same situation when I joined here.
It’s bloody difficult, emotionally draining and mentally exhausting.
We separated amicably a few years ago. For both of us it was for the absolute best and we remain the good friends we always were. Should have done it when I first realised I wasn’t in the marriage anymore. "
Totally agree. I wasted so much of my life being unhappy and this I regret but only have myself to blame. |
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