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By *ustaman OP Man
over a year ago
weymouth |
Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
Is this ex the mother of your daughter? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy. "
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy.
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr"
Still poor form.... if for example she is the mother of his child he should still show some respect to her for that very reason. He liked/loved her once and for the child's benefit you keep your thoughts to yourself and just get on with things. No child needs to see or hear bitter thoughts amongst the parents.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy.
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr
Still poor form.... if for example she is the mother of his child he should still show some respect to her for that very reason. He liked/loved her once and for the child's benefit you keep your thoughts to yourself and just get on with things. No child needs to see or hear bitter thoughts amongst the parents. "
This ^ |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy.
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr
Still poor form.... if for example she is the mother of his child he should still show some respect to her for that very reason. He liked/loved her once and for the child's benefit you keep your thoughts to yourself and just get on with things. No child needs to see or hear bitter thoughts amongst the parents.
This ^ "
I don’t think he said anything about sharing this opinion with his daughter. Obviously that is totally out of order. Nor is bitching one up man ship something that I’d air publically. Privately - go for it if it makes you feel better but remember bitching reflects on you too. I’ve been guilty of it but try to refrain. |
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
I bet if she were on fab she would do much better than you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy.
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr
Still poor form.... if for example she is the mother of his child he should still show some respect to her for that very reason. He liked/loved her once and for the child's benefit you keep your thoughts to yourself and just get on with things. No child needs to see or hear bitter thoughts amongst the parents. "
I kind of assumed his kids aren't on Fab. We all think things and sometimes it's nice to be able to air those thoughts anonymously. I'm also fairly sure had this post been from a woman the responses would have been very different - you go girl, you show him you don't need him type thing. Maybe I'm just being a mean minded cynic and cutting the OP too much slack.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If shes the one doing the majority of the parenting and you only 'VISIT' your daughter then no wonder shes aged, parenting is hard, single parenting is harder.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not once did I say he shared his thoughts with his child.
But, everyone knows when people have bitter thoughts like that about an ex at some point in conversation with someone else (like a mate) they will say something about an ex which will be over heard by the child!
That was the point i was making..it's uncalled for.
They are already an ex for whatever reason you don't need to critise them further, just move on
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If shes the one doing the majority of the parenting and you only 'VISIT' your daughter then no wonder shes aged, parenting is hard, single parenting is harder. "
100% this |
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"Wow... Don't know why you felt you needed to share that 
Exactly, some things are better off kept to yourself "
What like telling someone seeking relationship advice to “ put some porn on and have a wank” you mean.. |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I bet if she were on fab she would do much better than you."
My ex was on fab and she did 100 times better than I did for years lol.
We are still friends. |
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank"
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days "
I think respect is the key word. No one has to like or get on with their ex, many don't, but if they are the parent of your shared children and especially if doing the lion share of the child care, then the minimum they deserve is respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He’s displayed classical behaviour patterns in viewing his success in life in relation to a third party who he has seen again after a long absence. This is common at school and family reunions and is, like it or not, a normal human trait. Viewed negatively against someone else can lead to depression.
The question is whether he should have discussed it online. People need to talk and maybe this was his only way. He might have thought it a safe space, one where his ex and daughter wouldn’t get to find out about it. It’s not a classy thing to have said but let’s not be naive to think the majority of us haven’t had similar thoughts even if we didn’t air them in public. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days
I think respect is the key word. No one has to like or get on with their ex, many don't, but if they are the parent of your shared children and especially if doing the lion share of the child care, then the minimum they deserve is respect."
Here have some man points and a biscuit |
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days "
What's wrong with the phrase? And what's respect got to do with anything?
Frank |
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days
I think respect is the key word. No one has to like or get on with their ex, many don't, but if they are the parent of your shared children and especially if doing the lion share of the child care, then the minimum they deserve is respect."
Again, what's with the word 'respect'?
Frank |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank"
Totally agree. |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?"
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value. |
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"Wow... Don't know why you felt you needed to share that
Exactly, some things are better off kept to yourself
What like telling someone seeking relationship advice to “ put some porn on and have a wank” you mean.."
There's a difference between having a laugh, and slagging someone off  |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value. "
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank"
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life? "
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value"
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh? "
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently? |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life? "
Not every feeling or thought that's had has to have value. No energy is expended by having that thought. Its also a very positive feeling about oneself.
Frank |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh? "
Also comparing ourselves with others can definitely have value because comparisons are actually used in CBT therapy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank"
Was just about to say the same thing.
Yeah, it may reflect bad on the OP. But he's only saying what a vast number of us have thought privately. We've no idea why or how they split. Any ex partner would earn and keep my respect by how they they treated their child and myself. They don't automatically get it simply because we conceived a child. |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
Also comparing ourselves with others can definitely have value because comparisons are actually used in CBT therapy. "
I believe, my opinion, that making negative comments about other people (and yes, saying “I’ve aged better than them” is both disparaging and negative) in an effort to make yourself feel better is counter productive. I believe, again my opinion, you should value yourself, for yourself, regardless of others, because the flip side to this (“I’ve aged worse than they have”) is fundamentally bad for self esteem and mental health.
Anyway. I’ll park my opinions for the night. I sense something rather uncomfortable in the forums tonight xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
Also comparing ourselves with others can definitely have value because comparisons are actually used in CBT therapy.
I believe, my opinion, that making negative comments about other people (and yes, saying “I’ve aged better than them” is both disparaging and negative) in an effort to make yourself feel better is counter productive. I believe, again my opinion, you should value yourself, for yourself, regardless of others, because the flip side to this (“I’ve aged worse than they have”) is fundamentally bad for self esteem and mental health.
Anyway. I’ll park my opinions for the night. I sense something rather uncomfortable in the forums tonight xx"
I don't think there is anything uncomfortable unless you find people disagreeing with you uncomfortable. |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
Also comparing ourselves with others can definitely have value because comparisons are actually used in CBT therapy.
I believe, my opinion, that making negative comments about other people (and yes, saying “I’ve aged better than them” is both disparaging and negative) in an effort to make yourself feel better is counter productive. I believe, again my opinion, you should value yourself, for yourself, regardless of others, because the flip side to this (“I’ve aged worse than they have”) is fundamentally bad for self esteem and mental health.
Anyway. I’ll park my opinions for the night. I sense something rather uncomfortable in the forums tonight xx
I don't think there is anything uncomfortable unless you find people disagreeing with you uncomfortable. "
Not at all. I enjoy a healthy debate and I genuinely respect your opinion, though I disagree with it. It’s just we are going round in circles and there is an edge, I am not one for an edge so prefer to leave a debate with grace. Be well xx |
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By *ustaman OP Man
over a year ago
weymouth |
"If shes the one doing the majority of the parenting and you only 'VISIT' your daughter then no wonder shes aged, parenting is hard, single parenting is harder. "
Daughter is married and has kids of her own, I split with my ex well after daughter had left home and had set up a home of her own. I fully expected to get flamed and tbh I really don't care - not one of you knows the background of the split and I'm not going to go into it, I just hadn't seen her for some years and the change was surprising. Perhaps I should of kept quiet but it's a bit late for that as the genies been let out. As with all of my choices I'll live with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have nothing to do with my ex husband and he doesn't see or have any interest in our sons. He looks like shit and his new partner (they have been together since we split 13 years ago) honestly looks like a bull dog chewing a wasp. It makes me feel much better about myself and its actually a perfectly normal thing to quietly have such thoughts to yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy.
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr
Still poor form.... if for example she is the mother of his child he should still show some respect to her for that very reason. He liked/loved her once and for the child's benefit you keep your thoughts to yourself and just get on with things. No child needs to see or hear bitter thoughts amongst the parents. "
I disagree here because I detest my ex, the mother of my kids, and have no pleasant thoughts about the evil bitch however I don’t say any bad words or express my hatred towards her in front of the kids because it’s not their issue and I love my kids 3000 regardless  |
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"If shes the one doing the majority of the parenting and you only 'VISIT' your daughter then no wonder shes aged, parenting is hard, single parenting is harder.
Daughter is married and has kids of her own, I split with my ex well after daughter had left home and had set up a home of her own. I fully expected to get flamed and tbh I really don't care - not one of you knows the background of the split and I'm not going to go into it, I just hadn't seen her for some years and the change was surprising. Perhaps I should of kept quiet but it's a bit late for that as the genies been let out. As with all of my choices I'll live with it."
You owe no-one an explanation and you have nothing to apologise for.
Frank |
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By *umblefunMan
over a year ago
London/ South East |
"I have nothing to do with my ex husband and he doesn't see or have any interest in our sons. He looks like shit and his new partner (they have been together since we split 13 years ago) honestly looks like a bull dog chewing a wasp. It makes me feel much better about myself and its actually a perfectly normal thing to quietly have such thoughts to yourself. "
. This! With the emphasis on quietly having such thoughts to yourself!
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
Hope you showed more decorum in front of your daughter. Nothing worse than parents trying to point score with negativity. My dad would call my mum the wicked witch all the time when I was a kid. I hated it.
Oddly though if I or my sisters were disrespectful to her he'd go ape shit at us because she's our mum and we should respect her.... Men ar weird  |
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By *ustaman OP Man
over a year ago
weymouth |
"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
Hope you showed more decorum in front of your daughter. Nothing worse than parents trying to point score with negativity. My dad would call my mum the wicked witch all the time when I was a kid. I hated it.
Oddly though if I or my sisters were disrespectful to her he'd go ape shit at us because she's our mum and we should respect her.... Men ar weird "
I have NEVER said anything negative or disparaging about my ex to anyone I have met or know. That infamous post was the first time I've ever said anything and tbh personally it felt cathartic - shallow most definitely but still cathartic. One of the advantages of places like this is you don't know me, many will have made up your minds about me from that post and will have jumped to all sorts of conclusions about me personally - that's fine you're entitled to your opinion even if it's wrong.
Some have said it's not a classy thing to say, I agree it wasn't it was incredibly shallow but was a true representation of my feelings at that time. Others have waded in with all sorts of pre judgements that I think say more about you than me. It has been an interesting excercise in social attitudes though. |
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
Hope you showed more decorum in front of your daughter. Nothing worse than parents trying to point score with negativity. My dad would call my mum the wicked witch all the time when I was a kid. I hated it.
Oddly though if I or my sisters were disrespectful to her he'd go ape shit at us because she's our mum and we should respect her.... Men ar weird
I have NEVER said anything negative or disparaging about my ex to anyone I have met or know. That infamous post was the first time I've ever said anything and tbh personally it felt cathartic - shallow most definitely but still cathartic. One of the advantages of places like this is you don't know me, many will have made up your minds about me from that post and will have jumped to all sorts of conclusions about me personally - that's fine you're entitled to your opinion even if it's wrong.
Some have said it's not a classy thing to say, I agree it wasn't it was incredibly shallow but was a true representation of my feelings at that time. Others have waded in with all sorts of pre judgements that I think say more about you than me. It has been an interesting excercise in social attitudes though."
I am glad you came back and clarified the comment. Thank you for that. It's good to see that you don't let your bitterness towards your ex permeate your interactions with your daughter.
Negativity like that from either side can have lasting damage.
Enjoy your little ego boost while you can |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's poor form. Keep it classy guy.
That kind of depends on why she's an ex. I rarely like to hear bad things said of others and mostly believe the old saying that if you have nothing nice to say about a person, say nothing. However, if my best mate told me this about his ex I'd not only be pleased for him but I'd enjoy the fact that she was beginning to look like the evil witch she is.
Mr"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
Hope you showed more decorum in front of your daughter. Nothing worse than parents trying to point score with negativity. My dad would call my mum the wicked witch all the time when I was a kid. I hated it.
Oddly though if I or my sisters were disrespectful to her he'd go ape shit at us because she's our mum and we should respect her.... Men ar weird
I have NEVER said anything negative or disparaging about my ex to anyone I have met or know. That infamous post was the first time I've ever said anything and tbh personally it felt cathartic - shallow most definitely but still cathartic. One of the advantages of places like this is you don't know me, many will have made up your minds about me from that post and will have jumped to all sorts of conclusions about me personally - that's fine you're entitled to your opinion even if it's wrong.
Some have said it's not a classy thing to say, I agree it wasn't it was incredibly shallow but was a true representation of my feelings at that time. Others have waded in with all sorts of pre judgements that I think say more about you than me. It has been an interesting excercise in social attitudes though."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely that. The classy comment.
Karma could seriously end up biting you on the arse for this."
Unfortunately there is no such thing as Karma... Just life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op "
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it? |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"Absolutely that. The classy comment.
Karma could seriously end up biting you on the arse for this.
Unfortunately there is no such thing as Karma... Just life"
Maybe they're the same thing then?
In my mind the OP's ex is on Fab and by not starting a thread on how he's looking okay for his age, but become become very judgmental and mean, she's already shown that she's the better person.
Being of a similar age, I too notice people of my age group that don't appear to have aged as well or seem to be as fit as me, I also notice those that are doing things far better than me too; both these observations spur me on to keep going and to improve myself but the later doesn't make me want to brag about it on a forum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe the OP is using the forums to vent his frustrations instead of taking it on people beyond the Matrix....surely that I is healthier to vent to strangers
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe the OP is using the forums to vent his frustrations instead of taking it on people beyond the Matrix....surely that I is healthier to vent to strangers
"
This! I understand his vent, totally, tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?"
No, it's a place where people express opinions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions. "
Some are merely an opinion, others not so, more a cheap low attempt at upping themselves at the expense of others. The hypocrisy of some is staggering. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions.
Some are merely an opinion, others not so, more a cheap low attempt at upping themselves at the expense of others. The hypocrisy of some is staggering."
Yes, I completely agree with that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions.
Some are merely an opinion, others not so, more a cheap low attempt at upping themselves at the expense of others. The hypocrisy of some is staggering."
Which is exactly what you've done by having a dig at opinions you disagree with. They are low, so you must be high. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions.
Some are merely an opinion, others not so, more a cheap low attempt at upping themselves at the expense of others. The hypocrisy of some is staggering.
Which is exactly what you've done by having a dig at opinions you disagree with. They are low, so you must be high. "
I've not picked out an individual, just called out the hypocrisy. I've also not said I don't compare myself or judge others, I do both, it's human nature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions. "
There is a fair amount of virtue signalling though, Leo, don't you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I recently saw my ex after about 6 months and I remember thinking I've aged much better. After the grief I've had from him for years, it gave me a warm, smug glow for a few minutes. He fathered my kids. No-one else was witness to or hurt by this thought. Good for you, OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ageing look is probably a stressed one....
Easy mistake to make
Can I ask why are assuming she is stressed?
"
She probably is if working and bringing up a child on her own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That ageing look is probably a stressed one....
Easy mistake to make
Can I ask why are assuming she is stressed?
She probably is if working and bringing up a child on her own."
Depends if bumping into Ex and visiting child are under the same roof of course....
Which is how I read/saw it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If shes the one doing the majority of the parenting and you only 'VISIT' your daughter then no wonder shes aged, parenting is hard, single parenting is harder. "
You said that like it was his choice to only "VISIT" his daughter.
For all we know he might have wanted full custody, but in this society the mum will 99% of the time get given full custody of the child.
Everyone blasting the OP for what he said and yet alot of people replying in this thread are also saying negative about him.
This is meant to be a community of like minded individuals, not everyone slagging everyone else off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
As a father of two who is separated from their mother, I will never comment on, or say anything disrespectful such as this. I want my boy to hold the door open for a lady, offer his seat on the bus and practice good traditional values when dealing with the opposite sex.
I also want to show, through actions not words, my daughter how a man should treat a womam, how he should behave around her even if he is not fond of her. This way, when she is with a man (not happening btw, my 2x 200lbs cane corso's will see to that) who does not treat her like a princess, she will be able to recognise it immediately and end it.
Your comment is the fruit of the internet age. In our grandparents era you would have been on the receiving end of a good hiding, deservedly, for your remark.
Lastly, I will point out that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and is subjective. I.e what you find beautiful is not what I find beautiful and so on. Openly bodyshaming someone because you are not overtly attracted to someone is lower than low in my opinion and speaks to deep-rooted self esteem issues on your part, or a deep unhappiness with your own life.
I happen to believe woman age like a fine wine, or a good cheese and get better with age, hence the reason I prefer woman over the age of 50.
I hope you re-read your comment and reflect on it.
Good Morning |
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I haven't read the whole thread so this may have already been said.
But there's a bit of a presumption that the ex has aged because the OP left her do all the childcare. The OP is in his 60's it's totally feasible that they split up after the child had moved out (the OP is older than my mother).
OP I've called my ex who is the father of my children every name under the sun. I will not respect the man who abused me. But will I hide this all from my kids? Yes. Will I occasionally vent annomynously on a forum where it doesn't do my kids any harm? Also yes.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions.
There is a fair amount of virtue signalling though, Leo, don't you think? "
I honestly wouldn't say that. I actually think there is a good range of opinion on this thread, most of it polite. Ultimately the OP chose to start a thread about himself and others commented on it, that is how the Forum works, no ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently?"
He did use the terminology 'This is going to sound cruel'
So even he was having doubts how it was going to come across to us!
I wonder if she's a better Mother than the part time Father....
Or is that now too personal  |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently?
He did use the terminology 'This is going to sound cruel'
So even he was having doubts how it was going to come across to us!
I wonder if she's a better Mother than the part time Father....
Or is that now too personal "
He's the same age as my dad and I'm in my 40's. Why presume they'd even split when the child was young? My parents didn't until I was just about to turn 17. He may not have even seen her for a decade I know my parents haven't seen each other for about that long. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently?
He did use the terminology 'This is going to sound cruel'
So even he was having doubts how it was going to come across to us!
I wonder if she's a better Mother than the part time Father....
Or is that now too personal
He's the same age as my dad and I'm in my 40's. Why presume they'd even split when the child was young? My parents didn't until I was just about to turn 17. He may not have even seen her for a decade I know my parents haven't seen each other for about that long. "
The OP actually addressed this question above. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions.
There is a fair amount of virtue signalling though, Leo, don't you think?
I honestly wouldn't say that. I actually think there is a good range of opinion on this thread, most of it polite. Ultimately the OP chose to start a thread about himself and others commented on it, that is how the Forum works, no ?"
I meant the forum in general not this particular thread. Which I think is what the poster who said "the forum is an epitome of virtue" meant? |
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently?
He did use the terminology 'This is going to sound cruel'
So even he was having doubts how it was going to come across to us!
I wonder if she's a better Mother than the part time Father....
Or is that now too personal
He's the same age as my dad and I'm in my 40's. Why presume they'd even split when the child was young? My parents didn't until I was just about to turn 17. He may not have even seen her for a decade I know my parents haven't seen each other for about that long.
The OP actually addressed this question above."
Found it is a very similar situation as my parents.
"Daughter is married and has kids of her own, I split with my ex well after daughter had left home and had set up a home of her own. I fully expected to get flamed and tbh I really don't care - not one of you knows the background of the split and I'm not going to go into it, I just hadn't seen her for some years and the change was surprising. Perhaps I should of kept quiet but it's a bit late for that as the genies been let out. As with all of my choices I'll live with it."
People will always presume it's all the man's fault. Sometimes it is sometimes it is not. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently?
He did use the terminology 'This is going to sound cruel'
So even he was having doubts how it was going to come across to us!
I wonder if she's a better Mother than the part time Father....
Or is that now too personal "
As opposed to writing 'bumped into my ex and she looked like a bag of spanners'?
People look at people all the time and make judgements - ex's or not, it is completely natural behaviour. The guy has added that he left her after the kids left home.
Everyone has at one point or another met up with someone and thought - you look good or what's happened to you. Simply because she's his ex doesn't mean you can't have judgement, amateur psychobabble or virtue signalling - I wonder if that makes people feel just as good? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
I totally get this and yes, it's superficial but who gives a fuck. You're looking good!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You’re well within your rights to have your opinion.
I’m not saying this is happening to you, but often when people have feelings of bitterness or dislike towards an ex for example, they tend to view themselves better and it’s not always necessarily the truth, often to make themselves feel better.
She may well have aged in your eyes, but to others she may look great.
I’m sure we’ve all had exes that we dislike and have had bad thoughts about but usually those shitty thoughts are when you’re young and foolish! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe "
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal? |
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex "
definitely shallow and superficial |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?"
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting. |
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting. "
Exactly I'm forever saying my ex is a bellend on here. I don't get half this hassle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
Exactly I'm forever saying my ex is a bellend on here. I don't get half this hassle. "
I think this is exactly why the other thread which led me here started! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?"
It's not a big deal to me
He could be ugly as sin and I might see her as attractive.
If it's personal though, it's going to make people think about it....
I don't care about my ex and how he looks. So I'm fascinated by his input about her. Maybe he still had thoughts of rekindling something, who knows.
Oh an my response would be the same, towards a female who started a thread the same way.
I'll have a look at yours.
Thank you for the heads up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting. "
PMSL
 |
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
Exactly I'm forever saying my ex is a bellend on here. I don't get half this hassle. "
Maybe it's more acceptable to comment on an ex's conduct, e.g. "he/she is a bellend because they fucked the next door neighbour" rather than commenting on their appearance, which they cannot change. They could change or apologise for the bellend behaviour but not for ageing.
Just a thought..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
It's not a big deal to me
He could be ugly as sin and I might see her as attractive.
If it's personal though, it's going to make people think about it....
I don't care about my ex and how he looks. So I'm fascinated by his input about her. Maybe he still had thoughts of rekindling something, who knows.
Oh an my response would be the same, towards a female who started a thread the same way.
I'll have a look at yours.
Thank you for the heads up."
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
Exactly I'm forever saying my ex is a bellend on here. I don't get half this hassle.
Maybe it's more acceptable to comment on an ex's conduct, e.g. "he/she is a bellend because they fucked the next door neighbour" rather than commenting on their appearance, which they cannot change. They could change or apologise for the bellend behaviour but not for ageing.
Just a thought....."
Everyone can change their appearance. I'd say behaviour is actually harder.
Just thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
PMSL
"
How constructive lol |
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
Exactly I'm forever saying my ex is a bellend on here. I don't get half this hassle.
Maybe it's more acceptable to comment on an ex's conduct, e.g. "he/she is a bellend because they fucked the next door neighbour" rather than commenting on their appearance, which they cannot change. They could change or apologise for the bellend behaviour but not for ageing.
Just a thought....."
True but let's face it, how many women have done a Diana and worn a revenge dress etc after a split. Look at what he's missing etc etc. You're so much better looking than him he was punching above his weight. Are not that uncommon phrases used by women. And I don't see half the hassle as this man has got.
I mean he's been accused of making her age bacause he abandoned her and their child when they split after the child had left home.
And I saw an old class mate the other day, she was the one all the boys listed after. And I have to be honest I did think to myself this unpopular apparently ugly one has aged better than you. We all do it to an extent, because we're all human and sometimes we're ever so slightly bitchy occasionally.
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
Exactly I'm forever saying my ex is a bellend on here. I don't get half this hassle.
Maybe it's more acceptable to comment on an ex's conduct, e.g. "he/she is a bellend because they fucked the next door neighbour" rather than commenting on their appearance, which they cannot change. They could change or apologise for the bellend behaviour but not for ageing.
Just a thought.....
Everyone can change their appearance. I'd say behaviour is actually harder.
Just thoughts. "
It's not easy or cheap to change your appearance re: ageing. The point being, physical appearance doesn't/, shouldn't impact how a person behaves, we shouldn't judge or criticise the appearance of others. It's fair to judge or criticise behaviour, however, because how a person behaves towards us, our children etc has a direct and lasting impact.
People divorce because of bad/dangerous behaviour. They generally don't because someone got grey hair and wrinkles. Hence why I thought perhaps the "they're a bellend" would be less harshly received than "they're an agéd old hag" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Awful illnesses can age people.
Maybe she has or is going through one.
Obviously she wouldn't share that with an Ex she hasn't seen in a while.
Another reason not to be too personal, maybe
He had a thought and he's shared it anon on here - I've done the same a few posts ago. Why is it a big deal?
Exactly this, like I said earlier he was venting to a bunch of strangers, it doesn't need dissecting.
PMSL
How constructive lol "
The stranger word reminded me of another thread...
Hence the laughter.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Christ! There's more saints here than in all religions. It must be very tiring being so perfect.
Glad you had a free pick you up op
the forum is an epitome of virtue, isn’t it?
No, it's a place where people express opinions.
There is a fair amount of virtue signalling though, Leo, don't you think?
I honestly wouldn't say that. I actually think there is a good range of opinion on this thread, most of it polite. Ultimately the OP chose to start a thread about himself and others commented on it, that is how the Forum works, no ?
I meant the forum in general not this particular thread. Which I think is what the poster who said "the forum is an epitome of virtue" meant? "
Ok, thanks, I get that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ageing look is probably a stressed one....
Easy mistake to make
Can I ask why are assuming she is stressed?
She probably is if working and bringing up a child on her own."
But you assumed that.
If you had looked the OP is 62 so that would suggest their daughter is an adult and seeing as you have absolutely no idea when this couple split that was a really unfair assumption to make. The OP just wanted to vent but he's had his parenting ripped a par as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I genuinely don't understand how a post about an ex that actually wasn't offensive has turned into people ripping apart his parenting and making absurd assumptions.
Anybody and there have been some on this thread that have said they would never say something like that about their ex isn't telling the truth, We have all definitely thought something along those lines about an ex and probably shared that with a friend or relative this guy has just decided to do it on a forum. His wife has not been named and is not identifiable so I really don't understand the upset. |
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By *ob08Man
over a year ago
Macclesfield |
"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days "
Bore is a perfectly normal way of saying someone has had children, maybe you need to educate yourself before criticising others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ageing look is probably a stressed one....
Easy mistake to make
Can I ask why are assuming she is stressed?
She probably is if working and bringing up a child on her own.
But you assumed that.
If you had looked the OP is 62 so that would suggest their daughter is an adult and seeing as you have absolutely no idea when this couple split that was a really unfair assumption to make. The OP just wanted to vent but he's had his parenting ripped a par as well. "
Did it sound anymore cruel than what he said?
Probably, maybe!
I can only speak for myself but my suggestions don't indicate a 'ripping apart' which in my mind, has an over dramatic insight with my particular input.
I can only speak for myself, I haven't read everything on the thread (distracted elsewhere). I'm not responsible about other posts
and my so called assumptions in your mind, I stand by.
At least you replied so thank you (said without sarcasm)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am with you OP! My ex was a total arse to me for many years, especially about my weight, even though I was much slimmer... Now he looks like a fucking blown up gimp suit and I find it fucking hilarious and don't care if others think it's bad form just because we bred... Everyone has these types of thoughts whether they air them or not... I don't air shitty opinions on peoples appearance often and never to their face because I understand why I have them and I am not cruel... But I still fucking have them... Anyone who says they don't is a fucking liar
Extinguishing someone elses flame doesn't make yours burn brighter... But sometimes it makes you feel better, even if it is only temporary |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ageing look is probably a stressed one....
Easy mistake to make
Can I ask why are assuming she is stressed?
She probably is if working and bringing up a child on her own.
But you assumed that.
If you had looked the OP is 62 so that would suggest their daughter is an adult and seeing as you have absolutely no idea when this couple split that was a really unfair assumption to make. The OP just wanted to vent but he's had his parenting ripped a par as well.
Did it sound anymore cruel than what he said?
Probably, maybe!
I can only speak for myself but my suggestions don't indicate a 'ripping apart' which in my mind, has an over dramatic insight with my particular input.
I can only speak for myself, I haven't read everything on the thread (distracted elsewhere). I'm not responsible about other posts
and my so called assumptions in your mind, I stand by.
At least you replied so thank you (said without sarcasm)
"
And I think that is the problem but a lot of people have used this thread to vent themselves but have taken it out on the OP. A lot of people have clearly been projecting and I think that is unfair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow... Don't know why you felt you needed to share that
Clearly because he wanted a reaction which he got….."
For because he is perfectly entitled to share that. Of course
he wanted a reaction we all do otherwise we wouldn't post. |
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Don’t worry OP. Sometimes I have petty thoughts about some of my ex’s. There’s one thats not too far away and everytime I see him I smile and say hello but I’m secretly grinning at his receding hairline. I’m sure he probably has petty thoughts about me too.
Doesn’t make us terrible people, makes us human. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ageing look is probably a stressed one....
Easy mistake to make
Can I ask why are assuming she is stressed?
She probably is if working and bringing up a child on her own.
But you assumed that.
If you had looked the OP is 62 so that would suggest their daughter is an adult and seeing as you have absolutely no idea when this couple split that was a really unfair assumption to make. The OP just wanted to vent but he's had his parenting ripped a par as well.
Did it sound anymore cruel than what he said?
Probably, maybe!
I can only speak for myself but my suggestions don't indicate a 'ripping apart' which in my mind, has an over dramatic insight with my particular input.
I can only speak for myself, I haven't read everything on the thread (distracted elsewhere). I'm not responsible about other posts
and my so called assumptions in your mind, I stand by.
At least you replied so thank you (said without sarcasm)
And I think that is the problem but a lot of people have used this thread to vent themselves but have taken it out on the OP. A lot of people have clearly been projecting and I think that is unfair. "
I respect you stand, I really do.
It's been a while since I've seen it from anyone..
Wow X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am with you OP! My ex was a total arse to me for many years, especially about my weight, even though I was much slimmer... Now he looks like a fucking blown up gimp suit and I find it fucking hilarious and don't care if others think it's bad form just because we bred... Everyone has these types of thoughts whether they air them or not... I don't air shitty opinions on peoples appearance often and never to their face because I understand why I have them and I am not cruel... But I still fucking have them... Anyone who says they don't is a fucking liar
Extinguishing someone elses flame doesn't make yours burn brighter... But sometimes it makes you feel better, even if it is only temporary "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am actually one of the lucky ones.
I was married over 20 years and we had our ups and downs. No violence no verbal abuse.
We just fell out of love which happens.
So the marriage ended but we are still good friends and have had 2 great kids from the marriage.
I do feel sorry for those who have had it hard.
We could have stayed married and there was no body else involved either but we would have ended up not being friends.
It was hard choice but we chose the right one.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we only ever judge our own happiness on another’s sorrow we will be forever poor
Wise words
Hardly. We're simply pleased we look better than our exes. Where is their sorrow in that?
Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It is subjective after all. Personally I don’t look at people and compare them with myself. It has no value.
You never compare yourself to others? Really? Come on now...
Frank
Honestly Frank? No. It’s a total waste of energy and is born in negativity. I mean why would you? Where is the value? How will it improve my life?
Actually I disagree.
We can learn a lot comparing ourselves with others and other situations. I do understand if it has a negative impact but it seemed to have made the OP happy and feel better about himself so I guess there is the value
That’s cool. I just think that if you ego requires running other people down then that’s not particularly healthy.
It’s nice that we are all different though eh?
To be honest I don't think he did run her down I think he just said he felt he had aged better than her. Is that running someone down or is that just expressing an opinion about someone you probably haven't had a great relationship with recently?
He did use the terminology 'This is going to sound cruel'
So even he was having doubts how it was going to come across to us!
I wonder if she's a better Mother than the part time Father....
Or is that now too personal
As opposed to writing 'bumped into my ex and she looked like a bag of spanners'?
People look at people all the time and make judgements - ex's or not, it is completely natural behaviour. The guy has added that he left her after the kids left home.
Everyone has at one point or another met up with someone and thought - you look good or what's happened to you. Simply because she's his ex doesn't mean you can't have judgement, amateur psychobabble or virtue signalling - I wonder if that makes people feel just as good?"
Christ I've really been beaten black and blue on this thread lol
I've been in the OPs Ex position.
He's probably slagged me off to high heaven, thought wise and written to somebody he trusts.
I can fairly say, sorry if it's going to sound unreal - but I've never had anything to say about my Ex at all. I've made arrangements for my teenage Daughter to meet him and make her own mind up.
Also with all honesty, I don't allow any bitterness to cloud my thoughts, carry over hatred for the rest of my life.
Yes, I did suffer with domestic abuse from him!
(not trying to say anything throwing that personal info in the mix or wanting clarification/sympathy)
Fascination brought me to add reasons, they COULD be to her apparent appearance.
Sorry for late reply! |
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By *ustaman OP Man
over a year ago
weymouth |
Talk about poking a hornets nest  . I'm genuinely touched by some of the comments. I appreciate that my post may have offended some folks due to their own personal circumstances but it's impossible to avoid upsetting someone unless you never say anything, that post says probably more about my fragile mental state and how that's wrapped up in my own feeling of self worth /physical desirability than I care to go into. I hadn't seen her for 3years and it was a shock and just needed to get it out there without involving people either close to me or known to me/her.
Feel free to judge but as the proverb says 'those without sin cast the first stone' (or something like that religious fiction has never been a strong point).
I pleased that the post has created a discussion though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t worry OP. Sometimes I have petty thoughts about some of my ex’s. There’s one thats not too far away and everytime I see him I smile and say hello but I’m secretly grinning at his receding hairline. I’m sure he probably has petty thoughts about me too.
Doesn’t make us terrible people, makes us human. "
This message is LIFE!! 
It’s totally okay to be petty or bitchy sometimes. AND he’s objectively receding it’s not like you are making some stuff up for the sake of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Accidentally bumped into my ex this eve visiting my daughter - I know this is going to sound cruel but fuck she's aged and not in a good way. I'm feeling decidedly more up beat about my own appearance now. And yes I realise how shallow and superficial I sound but hey it's my ex
I wonder if the OP had been a female if the above comments would've been the same? I very much doubt it. I feel exactly the same about the two women who bore my children.
Frank
The women that "bore" your children! Such respect again.
And people say the younger generations have no respect these days "
He means gave birth to ffs
Missy |
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