FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > So - What’s a ‘Hardened Swinger’?
So - What’s a ‘Hardened Swinger’?
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Hello you lovely people! 
Not sure about you lovely lot - but on literally hundreds of profiles - male, female and couples - I’ve seen assurances that they’re not ‘hardened swingers’!
So - my question is - what IS a hardened swinger? - as I haven’t seen a single profile that professes to be one!
I’m really curious to know what people’s definition of one is.
Now - I’ve been swinging over 7 years - I’m a veteran of many clubs and parties - and I’ve had a LOT of sex (and rather lovely it was too) with both singles and groups. However - as my friends on here would tell you - I’m the softest shite imaginable and there’s literally nothing ‘hard’ about me!
So - what’s a hardened swinger to you?
And - if you’ve pointed out on your profile that you’re not one - why did you think you needed to do that?
I get the distinct expression that being a ‘hardened swinger’ is a bad thing - but id love to know why?
Btw - id love to see debate and a sharing of opinions on this thread rather than any unpleasantness.
Huuuuuuuge hugs
Peachy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A hardened swinger is something that those that think they are superior use to look down on others. I always think "well that's the site purpose". They think it makes then look "picky". I hate that too. |
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"Hello you lovely people!
Not sure about you lovely lot - but on literally hundreds of profiles - male, female and couples - I’ve seen assurances that they’re not ‘hardened swingers’!
So - my question is - what IS a hardened swinger? - as I haven’t seen a single profile that professes to be one!
I’m really curious to know what people’s definition of one is.
Now - I’ve been swinging over 7 years - I’m a veteran of many clubs and parties - and I’ve had a LOT of sex (and rather lovely it was too) with both singles and groups. However - as my friends on here would tell you - I’m the softest shite imaginable and there’s literally nothing ‘hard’ about me!
So - what’s a hardened swinger to you?
And - if you’ve pointed out on your profile that you’re not one - why did you think you needed to do that?
I get the distinct expression that being a ‘hardened swinger’ is a bad thing - but id love to know why?
Btw - id love to see debate and a sharing of opinions on this thread rather than any unpleasantness.
Huuuuuuuge hugs
Peachy "
That's a good question, what DOES it mean actually? Jaded and cynical or something like that? |
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"A hardened swinger is something that those that think they are superior use to look down on others. I always think "well that's the site purpose". They think it makes then look "picky". I hate that too. "
I get this. To me it’s a means of separating themselves from others - but I’m not quite sure why people feel the need? Declaring that they’re inexperienced would surely suffice? |
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"Hello you lovely people!
Not sure about you lovely lot - but on literally hundreds of profiles - male, female and couples - I’ve seen assurances that they’re not ‘hardened swingers’!
So - my question is - what IS a hardened swinger? - as I haven’t seen a single profile that professes to be one!
I’m really curious to know what people’s definition of one is.
Now - I’ve been swinging over 7 years - I’m a veteran of many clubs and parties - and I’ve had a LOT of sex (and rather lovely it was too) with both singles and groups. However - as my friends on here would tell you - I’m the softest shite imaginable and there’s literally nothing ‘hard’ about me!
So - what’s a hardened swinger to you?
And - if you’ve pointed out on your profile that you’re not one - why did you think you needed to do that?
I get the distinct expression that being a ‘hardened swinger’ is a bad thing - but id love to know why?
Btw - id love to see debate and a sharing of opinions on this thread rather than any unpleasantness.
Huuuuuuuge hugs
Peachy
That's a good question, what DOES it mean actually? Jaded and cynical or something like that?"
I’ve no idea. I think it means different things to different people - and I’ve never seen a discussion on it - which is why I thought it might be good to have one! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A hardened swinger is something that those that think they are superior use to look down on others. I always think "well that's the site purpose". They think it makes then look "picky". I hate that too.
I get this. To me it’s a means of separating themselves from others - but I’m not quite sure why people feel the need? Declaring that they’re inexperienced would surely suffice? "
Because they don't want to be associated with those that enjoy fucking people they aren't married to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A hardened swinger is something that those that think they are superior use to look down on others. I always think "well that's the site purpose". They think it makes then look "picky". I hate that too.
I get this. To me it’s a means of separating themselves from others - but I’m not quite sure why people feel the need? Declaring that they’re inexperienced would surely suffice?
Because they don't want to be associated with those that enjoy fucking people they aren't married to. "
And certainly not those that can enjoy sex with lots of others, not just those they're "connected to" |
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"A hardened swinger is something that those that think they are superior use to look down on others. I always think "well that's the site purpose". They think it makes then look "picky". I hate that too.
I get this. To me it’s a means of separating themselves from others - but I’m not quite sure why people feel the need? Declaring that they’re inexperienced would surely suffice?
Because they don't want to be associated with those that enjoy fucking people they aren't married to. "
By definition that ‘should’ be everyone on here - but I certainly get your point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing? "
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow. |
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing?
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow. "
Definitely with you on this!
I used to be a Sunday school teacher so I’ve been on both sides. Tempted to write a book on the topic. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing? "
I’m not sure? I don’t know if I’ve seen it portrayed as a bad thing?
All I see it as is someone thats been swinging for some years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing?
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow.
Definitely with you on this!
I used to be a Sunday school teacher so I’ve been on both sides. Tempted to write a book on the topic. X"
That would be interesting. I'd read it! I hated Sunday school though. It didn't work for me!!  |
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing?
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow.
Definitely with you on this!
I used to be a Sunday school teacher so I’ve been on both sides. Tempted to write a book on the topic. X
That would be interesting. I'd read it! I hated Sunday school though. It didn't work for me!! "
Me neither. But what I’ve discussed often - even whilst a part of the church - was the outdated construct of ‘no sex before marriage’. This was prescribed for a time when girls were married off just after puberty and - if their husband died whilst they were still fertile - married of to someone else - often without their consent.
People were married most of their sexually productive lives - and men in biblical times were allowed hundreds of wives if they could afford to keep them. Hence - like the majority of rules/customs - it was designed to subjugate and control women.
In a time when many adults are unmarried for decades it’s totally unrealistic and outmoded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hardened to me - just means experienced ?
If I read a profile saying “not a hardened swinger “ I assume it means they occasionally swing or new to the game ?
It doesn’t have any negative connotations to me ….similarly lots of people put “not new to this / been around the block “ etc and that always makes me feel a little like they are not looking for anyone who isn’t “hardened “ or new to the game ? |
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"Hardened to me - just means experienced ?
If I read a profile saying “not a hardened swinger “ I assume it means they occasionally swing or new to the game ?
It doesn’t have any negative connotations to me ….similarly lots of people put “not new to this / been around the block “ etc and that always makes me feel a little like they are not looking for anyone who isn’t “hardened “ or new to the game ?"
Yeah I get that. Personally I’m always dubious about meeting people who are unverified. X |
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing?
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow.
Definitely with you on this!
I used to be a Sunday school teacher so I’ve been on both sides. Tempted to write a book on the topic. X"
I used to have to go to Sunday school and church every single Sunday until I was 14 yrs old. I don't think it did me much good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm, flippant response- one thats got it up and is good to go!
Slightly deeper- one thats experienced and possibly slightly less naive about relationships. |
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing?
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow.
Definitely with you on this!
I used to be a Sunday school teacher so I’ve been on both sides. Tempted to write a book on the topic. X
I used to have to go to Sunday school and church every single Sunday until I was 14 yrs old. I don't think it did me much good."
I went as a child too and feel the same.
Let’s face it - the vast majority of children of any faith attend religious classes because their parents follow that faith - not they themselves. |
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"My take is just an experienced swinger
Yeah - so why do people act like it’s a bad thing?
Because of their upbringing. They've been taught that sex is for the monogamous. They still have those beliefs that sex is dirty somehow.
Definitely with you on this!
I used to be a Sunday school teacher so I’ve been on both sides. Tempted to write a book on the topic. X
I used to have to go to Sunday school and church every single Sunday until I was 14 yrs old. I don't think it did me much good.
I went as a child too and feel the same.
Let’s face it - the vast majority of children of any faith attend religious classes because their parents follow that faith - not they themselves. "
Exactly. Our children were debating that with us the other day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hello you lovely people!
Not sure about you lovely lot - but on literally hundreds of profiles - male, female and couples - I’ve seen assurances that they’re not ‘hardened swingers’!
So - my question is - what IS a hardened swinger? - as I haven’t seen a single profile that professes to be one!
I’m really curious to know what people’s definition of one is.
Now - I’ve been swinging over 7 years - I’m a veteran of many clubs and parties - and I’ve had a LOT of sex (and rather lovely it was too) with both singles and groups. However - as my friends on here would tell you - I’m the softest shite imaginable and there’s literally nothing ‘hard’ about me!
So - what’s a hardened swinger to you?
And - if you’ve pointed out on your profile that you’re not one - why did you think you needed to do that?
I get the distinct expression that being a ‘hardened swinger’ is a bad thing - but id love to know why?
Btw - id love to see debate and a sharing of opinions on this thread rather than any unpleasantness.
Huuuuuuuge hugs
Peachy "
I have found that iv seen this more often than not on older couples profiles I think it's a way of scaring of newbies or inexperienced swingers that they feel may not be up to there level of expectations on the flip side I think the so called newbies/ inexperienced swingers see this and feel intimidated by it so state they are not hardened swingers to have the same yet flipped logic of scaring away people they feel may overwhelme them with experience and make them feel inadequate it's all just bollocks really sex is sex and if people just relaxed a bit more and pulled the sticks out there bums they would see what a wonderful experience both sides have to offer. |
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"Hello you lovely people!
Not sure about you lovely lot - but on literally hundreds of profiles - male, female and couples - I’ve seen assurances that they’re not ‘hardened swingers’!
So - my question is - what IS a hardened swinger? - as I haven’t seen a single profile that professes to be one!
I’m really curious to know what people’s definition of one is.
Now - I’ve been swinging over 7 years - I’m a veteran of many clubs and parties - and I’ve had a LOT of sex (and rather lovely it was too) with both singles and groups. However - as my friends on here would tell you - I’m the softest shite imaginable and there’s literally nothing ‘hard’ about me!
So - what’s a hardened swinger to you?
And - if you’ve pointed out on your profile that you’re not one - why did you think you needed to do that?
I get the distinct expression that being a ‘hardened swinger’ is a bad thing - but id love to know why?
Btw - id love to see debate and a sharing of opinions on this thread rather than any unpleasantness.
Huuuuuuuge hugs
Peachy I have found that iv seen this more often than not on older couples profiles I think it's a way of scaring of newbies or inexperienced swingers that they feel may not be up to there level of expectations on the flip side I think the so called newbies/ inexperienced swingers see this and feel intimidated by it so state they are not hardened swingers to have the same yet flipped logic of scaring away people they feel may overwhelme them with experience and make them feel inadequate it's all just bollocks really sex is sex and if people just relaxed a bit more and pulled the sticks out there bums they would see what a wonderful experience both sides have to offer."
Well my lovely - I know from experience that you don’t have a stick up your bum! I’ve been up close on more than one occasion! |
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I think they are expressing that they still find swinging a thrill ,that even though they may have been swinging for some time the buzz and excitement of meeting in any form hasn’t faded .
That’s my take on it
Mrs LM |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
probably new term for an old fad
benefit of the doubt in the positive it would mean chosen lifestyle
in the negative another elitist term to seperate themselves from another undefined group of people who swing or who dont do hardened swinging..
whatever that is
ill add it to the glossary of terms of fab which is open to subjective interpretation..
with note to self 'if in doubt...avoid'..lolol |
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"probably new term for an old fad
benefit of the doubt in the positive it would mean chosen lifestyle
in the negative another elitist term to seperate themselves from another undefined group of people who swing or who dont do hardened swinging..
whatever that is
ill add it to the glossary of terms of fab which is open to subjective interpretation..
with note to self 'if in doubt...avoid'..lolol "
Oh hello my lovely - not seen you around for ages. How the heck are you? |
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Ay up Peachy!
I think it’s probably reference to swingers as we originally know the term - you know, keys in a bowl job! I’d say those are probably ‘hardened swingers’ because they know exactly what they are getting in to and what to expect. Yes? |
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"Ay up Peachy!
I think it’s probably reference to swingers as we originally know the term - you know, keys in a bowl job! I’d say those are probably ‘hardened swingers’ because they know exactly what they are getting in to and what to expect. Yes? "
Possibly my lovely. I’m glad it’s evolved then - if anyone saw the keys from my old banger they’d run a mile!  |
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"Ay up Peachy!
I think it’s probably reference to swingers as we originally know the term - you know, keys in a bowl job! I’d say those are probably ‘hardened swingers’ because they know exactly what they are getting in to and what to expect. Yes?
Possibly my lovely. I’m glad it’s evolved then - if anyone saw the keys from my old banger they’d run a mile! "
Banger did you say? |
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"We’re On the other end of the spectrum with zilch experience, just your hardened fantasists at current  "
We all started somewhere. You have the benefit of being together on this path - I recall being alone and terrified when I first walked into a club. I knew literally no-one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hello you lovely people!
Not sure about you lovely lot - but on literally hundreds of profiles - male, female and couples - I’ve seen assurances that they’re not ‘hardened swingers’!
So - my question is - what IS a hardened swinger? - as I haven’t seen a single profile that professes to be one!
I’m really curious to know what people’s definition of one is.
Now - I’ve been swinging over 7 years - I’m a veteran of many clubs and parties - and I’ve had a LOT of sex (and rather lovely it was too) with both singles and groups. However - as my friends on here would tell you - I’m the softest shite imaginable and there’s literally nothing ‘hard’ about me!
So - what’s a hardened swinger to you?
And - if you’ve pointed out on your profile that you’re not one - why did you think you needed to do that?
I get the distinct expression that being a ‘hardened swinger’ is a bad thing - but id love to know why?
Btw - id love to see debate and a sharing of opinions on this thread rather than any unpleasantness.
Huuuuuuuge hugs
Peachy I have found that iv seen this more often than not on older couples profiles I think it's a way of scaring of newbies or inexperienced swingers that they feel may not be up to there level of expectations on the flip side I think the so called newbies/ inexperienced swingers see this and feel intimidated by it so state they are not hardened swingers to have the same yet flipped logic of scaring away people they feel may overwhelme them with experience and make them feel inadequate it's all just bollocks really sex is sex and if people just relaxed a bit more and pulled the sticks out there bums they would see what a wonderful experience both sides have to offer.
Well my lovely - I know from experience that you don’t have a stick up your bum! I’ve been up close on more than one occasion! "
yes you have beautiful lady. |
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"Ay up Peachy!
I think it’s probably reference to swingers as we originally know the term - you know, keys in a bowl job! I’d say those are probably ‘hardened swingers’ because they know exactly what they are getting in to and what to expect. Yes?
Possibly my lovely. I’m glad it’s evolved then - if anyone saw the keys from my old banger they’d run a mile!
Banger did you say? "
Yup - appropriate on several levels. |
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"Ay up Peachy!
I think it’s probably reference to swingers as we originally know the term - you know, keys in a bowl job! I’d say those are probably ‘hardened swingers’ because they know exactly what they are getting in to and what to expect. Yes?
Possibly my lovely. I’m glad it’s evolved then - if anyone saw the keys from my old banger they’d run a mile!
Banger did you say?
Yup - appropriate on several levels. "
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"probably new term for an old fad
benefit of the doubt in the positive it would mean chosen lifestyle
in the negative another elitist term to seperate themselves from another undefined group of people who swing or who dont do hardened swinging..
whatever that is
ill add it to the glossary of terms of fab which is open to subjective interpretation..
with note to self 'if in doubt...avoid'..lolol
Oh hello my lovely - not seen you around for ages. How the heck are you? "
hey gorgeous..im getting better it seems hooray enough to contemplate being on here without crying ..lol
big fat huge mahhoosive hugs to you
xxx |
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Isn't a hardened swinger one that you've left out in the sun until it has dried out? Or is it like hardening conkers and you have to soak your swinger in vinegar overnight then bake it in the oven? Perhaps you spray them with a fibre glass resin mixture, make them completely stiff? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Are they the ones who don't do the sex anymore because the site is overrun by those just looking for sex...you know, all the ones that are ruining things for the proper swingers?  |
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"Hardened to me - just means experienced ?
If I read a profile saying “not a hardened swinger “ I assume it means they occasionally swing or new to the game ?
It doesn’t have any negative connotations to me ….similarly lots of people put “not new to this / been around the block “ etc and that always makes me feel a little like they are not looking for anyone who isn’t “hardened “ or new to the game ?"
I see it the same way. I dont have it on my profile but I guess I'd consider myself "not a hardened swinger". I've never been to a club, only ever had one threesome - I'm inexperienced enough that it would be a bore for some people who have been doing this for a good while.
I'd probably be more likely to message someone who said they weren't a hardened swinger than someone who said they've been doing it for ever, as I'd figure someone else who was relatively inexperienced might have more patience with me.
Either way, I don't see it as a negative thing. |
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Possibly seen as a bad thing because some of those who are more experienced are judgmental or pass negative comments on lack of experience or knowledge.
Some people love belittling others in order to make themselves look good or have more importance.
Other examples:
Call yourself a music fan? Pfft, you've not even been to a concert
Call yourself a bookworm? Pffft, I've read more books in a week than you've read in a year.
Call yourself bisexual? Pfft, you don't even own a double ender
Call yourself a swinger? Pffft, I've had more sex than you've had erections
That kinda thing. We've all seen those people doing that shit.
A defence mechanism to hopefully deflect the negatives or expectations of others.
It could also be that they don't have much free time at all, so can very rarely meet. There are many reasons people may say they're not a hardened swinger, or as I'd interpret it, the good ole "proper swinger" as said by many on these forums over the years in respect to others who do things differently to some. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
When people say they are not hardened swingers, they are saying, to use an automobile metaphor, they go out for an occasional drive with people they really like through beautiful countryside, swinging to them is an aesthetic choice. Whereas in their view hardened swingers are like rally enthusiasts thrashing their engine on every occasion they can, rain or s_ine, with anyone who is willing to jump in the car with them and not caring about the countryside outside. It is all about the joy of the ride, hardened swingers are...driven in regard to swinging.
At the end of the day it is about preferred personal styles, and it should not be that one preferred style is inherently better than another.
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"probably new term for an old fad
benefit of the doubt in the positive it would mean chosen lifestyle
in the negative another elitist term to seperate themselves from another undefined group of people who swing or who dont do hardened swinging..
whatever that is
ill add it to the glossary of terms of fab which is open to subjective interpretation..
with note to self 'if in doubt...avoid'..lolol
Oh hello my lovely - not seen you around for ages. How the heck are you? hey gorgeous..im getting better it seems hooray enough to contemplate being on here without crying ..lol
big fat huge mahhoosive hugs to you
xxx"
Well it’s great to see you back - and goes without saying that you can pm me at any time if you need/want a natter.  |
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"Isn't a hardened swinger one that you've left out in the sun until it has dried out? Or is it like hardening conkers and you have to soak your swinger in vinegar overnight then bake it in the oven? Perhaps you spray them with a fibre glass resin mixture, make them completely stiff?"
No idea - but using your first analogy I’m certainly more ‘dried out’ these days! |
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"Possibly seen as a bad thing because some of those who are more experienced are judgmental or pass negative comments on lack of experience or knowledge.
Some people love belittling others in order to make themselves look good or have more importance.
Other examples:
Call yourself a music fan? Pfft, you've not even been to a concert
Call yourself a bookworm? Pffft, I've read more books in a week than you've read in a year.
Call yourself bisexual? Pfft, you don't even own a double ender
Call yourself a swinger? Pffft, I've had more sex than you've had erections
That kinda thing. We've all seen those people doing that shit.
A defence mechanism to hopefully deflect the negatives or expectations of others.
It could also be that they don't have much free time at all, so can very rarely meet. There are many reasons people may say they're not a hardened swinger, or as I'd interpret it, the good ole "proper swinger" as said by many on these forums over the years in respect to others who do things differently to some."
Some good points - thanks.
I guess I don’t think it matters how long we’ve all been here, what we’ve done sexually or who/how many we’ve done it with - it’s just a question of whether we want the same as the person(s) we’re in dialogue with at that moment - if that makes any sense?
I’ve come across people with very new profiles who’ve bypassed about half a dozen of the stages I went through on here and are looking for exactly the same as I am now.
I guess I just think that ‘hardened swinger’ has unnecessarily negative connotations when ‘experienced swinger’ might be a nicer way to put it.
However we phrase things though - I think it’s just about finding people on the same wavelength. |
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I've always interpreted the term hardened swinger as someone who shagged at every opportunity, and maybe not that picky about who they shag, and those that say they aren't hardened swingers don't shag others that often and are more choosy.
Frank
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always interpreted the term hardened swinger as someone who shagged at every opportunity, and maybe not that picky about who they shag, and those that say they aren't hardened swingers don't shag others that often and are more choosy.
Frank
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is often a perception that people who have had a lot of sexual partners are in some way less than - particularly if they are female. This is seen on names like slut and slag and the idea that women who have had lots of partners have baggy fannys etc though why this is bad for women but not men I have no idea nor why a woman who has sex 3 times a day with her husband is less likely to have a baggy fanny than one who has sex overcrowded a month with a stranger but hey ho.
I tend to read it on context, sometimes it's clear they mean that they're new to the scene and maybe being honest about a lack of experience. Most often it reads to me as a belief they are not the kind of dirty slags who will fuck anything - blindingly oblivious to the idea that you can have an incredibly long checklist and be as picky as you like but with 7 billion partners to choose from still have found lots that match your requirements ...
Mr
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Can we start off with what’s actually a swinger
Seems 90% of the user base here just hook up. See someone you like, exchange some messages, if things go to plan have a social and maybe some fun
What’s the difference between that and tinder?
What makes someone a swinger? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can we start off with what’s actually a swinger
Seems 90% of the user base here just hook up. See someone you like, exchange some messages, if things go to plan have a social and maybe some fun
What’s the difference between that and tinder?
What makes someone a swinger? "
Excellent question. Do a thread. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
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"Can we start off with what’s actually a swinger
Seems 90% of the user base here just hook up. See someone you like, exchange some messages, if things go to plan have a social and maybe some fun
What’s the difference between that and tinder?
What makes someone a swinger?
Excellent question. Do a thread. "
I feel any thread I make on here is doomed to fail cuz the popular crew don’t like me
Someone else make it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can we start off with what’s actually a swinger
Seems 90% of the user base here just hook up. See someone you like, exchange some messages, if things go to plan have a social and maybe some fun
What’s the difference between that and tinder?
What makes someone a swinger?
Excellent question. Do a thread.
I feel any thread I make on here is doomed to fail cuz the popular crew don’t like me
Someone else make it? "
Done |
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