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Not feeling confident
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As much as going to out to my favourite club Cupids has helped me feel more confident over the years, right now, I don't feel as confident as I used to be.
I have recently put my name down for an event next Tuesday but I'm starting to feel unsure if I should go. A few weeks ago, I had a bad night when I went to an evening event Cupids due to social anxiety and it had really knocked my confidence.
I'm in a dilemma over this and don't know what to do. If I go, I'm afraid it would happen again and would end up leaving early like I did before and if I don't go, I'll be regretting not being there and would feel like I'm missing out. |
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By *dalisqueWoman
over a year ago
land of make believe |
"Have a look at some grounding techniques to help you ride a anxiety attack 
What kind of grounding techniques?"
Look up the 54321 technique
I try to do it but it rarely works for me but I know lots it does work for x |
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"Have a look at some grounding techniques to help you ride a anxiety attack
What kind of grounding techniques?
Look up the 54321 technique
I try to do it but it rarely works for me but I know lots it does work for x"
I've looked it up but have trouble understanding it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m a believer in pushing oneself and getting out of comfort zones. However in your situation, I would just take the pressure off yourself and not go. Wait until you’re ready.
If you do decide to go, how about you give yourself permission to leave after an hour. So if it’s not going well, you have a ‘get out’. And if it is going well, stay a bit longer ...
But above all, go easy on yourself. There’s little point in putting yourself in an anxiety inducing situation.
Take care. |
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"Hi. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m a believer in pushing oneself and getting out of comfort zones. However in your situation, I would just take the pressure off yourself and not go. Wait until you’re ready.
If you do decide to go, how about you give yourself permission to leave after an hour. So if it’s not going well, you have a ‘get out’. And if it is going well, stay a bit longer ...
But above all, go easy on yourself. There’s little point in putting yourself in an anxiety inducing situation.
Take care."
What makes me concerned about going is that I'll end up having no one to talk to later in the day. I'm fine with chatting to people I know but I'm not very good at introducing myself to new faces. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Hi. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m a believer in pushing oneself and getting out of comfort zones. However in your situation, I would just take the pressure off yourself and not go. Wait until you’re ready.
If you do decide to go, how about you give yourself permission to leave after an hour. So if it’s not going well, you have a ‘get out’. And if it is going well, stay a bit longer ...
But above all, go easy on yourself. There’s little point in putting yourself in an anxiety inducing situation.
Take care.
What makes me concerned about going is that I'll end up having no one to talk to later in the day. I'm fine with chatting to people I know but I'm not very good at introducing myself to new faces."
This sounds so much like me.
What you need is an overweight polar...something that's great at breaking the ice. Examples that I swear by are spikey gloves (made by my partner), a shop bought spikey meat tenderiser.
Have these laid out on the table in a busy and well lit area of the club and watch the magnetic power of them, kick into action.
Someone will walk past, scan the table and "Ooh, that looks interesting, is it yours? Can I try it?"
Your answer is "Of course you can, give me your hand". Take that hand and do some gentle stroking up and down the wrist and fingers. Let the magic flow and ask if they want you to stop: probably "Don't you dare, carry on!"
Whilst this is going on, you should have an audience, so maybe, just maybe they'll have a massive FOMO attack and approach you.
Ice broken, duck broken, vicious circle of self-doubt...well and truly broken.
Good luck. |
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well in my experience...life is feast and famine in everything in this life...a feast of confidence and a famine of confidence...we cannot be perfect every day..hour ...minute...so give yourself a break...you are ..sorry to say...NORMAL. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is there a reason for the anxiety? Not that you have to say on here, but is it down to trauma or such things?
I getcha man. Ever tried hypmo therapy?
I know I spelled that wrong but Fab wouldn't let me message it spelled properly |
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"Hi. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m a believer in pushing oneself and getting out of comfort zones. However in your situation, I would just take the pressure off yourself and not go. Wait until you’re ready.
If you do decide to go, how about you give yourself permission to leave after an hour. So if it’s not going well, you have a ‘get out’. And if it is going well, stay a bit longer ...
But above all, go easy on yourself. There’s little point in putting yourself in an anxiety inducing situation.
Take care.
What makes me concerned about going is that I'll end up having no one to talk to later in the day. I'm fine with chatting to people I know but I'm not very good at introducing myself to new faces.
This sounds so much like me.
What you need is an overweight polar...something that's great at breaking the ice. Examples that I swear by are spikey gloves (made by my partner), a shop bought spikey meat tenderiser.
Have these laid out on the table in a busy and well lit area of the club and watch the magnetic power of them, kick into action.
Someone will walk past, scan the table and "Ooh, that looks interesting, is it yours? Can I try it?"
Your answer is "Of course you can, give me your hand". Take that hand and do some gentle stroking up and down the wrist and fingers. Let the magic flow and ask if they want you to stop: probably "Don't you dare, carry on!"
Whilst this is going on, you should have an audience, so maybe, just maybe they'll have a massive FOMO attack and approach you.
Ice broken, duck broken, vicious circle of self-doubt...well and truly broken.
Good luck."
Sorry. Painful toys aren't my thing |
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"Is there a reason for the anxiety? Not that you have to say on here, but is it down to trauma or such things?
I getcha man. Ever tried hypmo therapy?
I know I spelled that wrong but Fab wouldn't let me message it spelled properly "
Maybe it could be down to how I was when I was a kid. I can remember being socially awkward and feeling negative about myself like believing I was ugly for example. |
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I don't play in clubs but have had great nights there. No need to worry and if things should raise their head then go with it.
If you have no expectation of yourself you can forget about letting yourself down.
 |
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"I don't play in clubs but have had great nights there. No need to worry and if things should raise their head then go with it.
If you have no expectation of yourself you can forget about letting yourself down.
"
I always go to clubs with no expectations. It's ending up with no one to talk to I don't like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there a reason for the anxiety? Not that you have to say on here, but is it down to trauma or such things?
I getcha man. Ever tried hypmo therapy?
I know I spelled that wrong but Fab wouldn't let me message it spelled properly
Maybe it could be down to how I was when I was a kid. I can remember being socially awkward and feeling negative about myself like believing I was ugly for example."
It could come from loads of different places, what was ingrained in your head as a kid etc. Not saying you were brought up badly at all, but it's how these things come about and then how they are reiterated as you go through life. It can be hard to unpick and sometimes it's best not to and just kinda start building confidence up a fresh. I guess only you will know what the right way is. CBT, counselling, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as previously mentioned etc. All good advice too |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"
Sorry. Painful toys aren't my thing"
Fair point. But they are not painful. it is all about being gentle and sensual, using the same level of pressure as you would use a hair brush or comb on your own body.
The aim is to tickle, caress and go slowly. Pain never, ever comes into it.
(They are the same studs found on dog collars and leather jackets.) |
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"Is there a reason for the anxiety? Not that you have to say on here, but is it down to trauma or such things?
I getcha man. Ever tried hypmo therapy?
I know I spelled that wrong but Fab wouldn't let me message it spelled properly
Maybe it could be down to how I was when I was a kid. I can remember being socially awkward and feeling negative about myself like believing I was ugly for example.
It could come from loads of different places, what was ingrained in your head as a kid etc. Not saying you were brought up badly at all, but it's how these things come about and then how they are reiterated as you go through life. It can be hard to unpick and sometimes it's best not to and just kinda start building confidence up a fresh. I guess only you will know what the right way is. CBT, counselling, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as previously mentioned etc. All good advice too"
With me having Asperger's Syndrome, there were times in the past where I felt like my condition was a curse. I learned to accept that it is a part of me and did my best to get on with my life.
I took the step of going to a club 4 years ago because I didn't want to be stuck at home with no friends to hang around with. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Is there a reason for the anxiety? Not that you have to say on here, but is it down to trauma or such things?
I getcha man. Ever tried hypmo therapy?
I know I spelled that wrong but Fab wouldn't let me message it spelled properly
Maybe it could be down to how I was when I was a kid. I can remember being socially awkward and feeling negative about myself like believing I was ugly for example.
It could come from loads of different places, what was ingrained in your head as a kid etc. Not saying you were brought up badly at all, but it's how these things come about and then how they are reiterated as you go through life. It can be hard to unpick and sometimes it's best not to and just kinda start building confidence up a fresh. I guess only you will know what the right way is. CBT, counselling, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as previously mentioned etc. All good advice too
With me having Asperger's Syndrome, there were times in the past where I felt like my condition was a curse. I learned to accept that it is a part of me and did my best to get on with my life.
I took the step of going to a club 4 years ago because I didn't want to be stuck at home with no friends to hang around with."
Well done you. What took you so long? (He says...)
Some times you just have to metaphorically jump out of your own body and push yourself into the club door! |
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"Is there a reason for the anxiety? Not that you have to say on here, but is it down to trauma or such things?
I getcha man. Ever tried hypmo therapy?
I know I spelled that wrong but Fab wouldn't let me message it spelled properly
Maybe it could be down to how I was when I was a kid. I can remember being socially awkward and feeling negative about myself like believing I was ugly for example.
It could come from loads of different places, what was ingrained in your head as a kid etc. Not saying you were brought up badly at all, but it's how these things come about and then how they are reiterated as you go through life. It can be hard to unpick and sometimes it's best not to and just kinda start building confidence up a fresh. I guess only you will know what the right way is. CBT, counselling, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as previously mentioned etc. All good advice too
With me having Asperger's Syndrome, there were times in the past where I felt like my condition was a curse. I learned to accept that it is a part of me and did my best to get on with my life.
I took the step of going to a club 4 years ago because I didn't want to be stuck at home with no friends to hang around with.
Well done you. What took you so long? (He says...)
Some times you just have to metaphorically jump out of your own body and push yourself into the club door!"
I was glad to have made friends over the years as I always said that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. |
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"Have you thought about trying to push yourself in a less pressured environment? Such as joining a meet up group or taking up a hobby."
I was gonna go to a social in December but had to cancel as I won't be able to afford it with going to London for the weekend next month.
For now, I'm writing an erotic Christmas story. |
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"I hear you, suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Were mainly under control pre covid but now blinking heck.
Is it just clubs you are finding difficult or social situations in general? "
It's just social situations I have problems with when it comes to being around people I don't know. |
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"I hear you, suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Were mainly under control pre covid but now blinking heck.
Is it just clubs you are finding difficult or social situations in general?
It's just social situations I have problems with when it comes to being around people I don't know."
Would you find it easier if you had a mate to go with you maybe? |
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"I hear you, suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Were mainly under control pre covid but now blinking heck.
Is it just clubs you are finding difficult or social situations in general?
It's just social situations I have problems with when it comes to being around people I don't know.
Would you find it easier if you had a mate to go with you maybe? "
If I met up with them at the club, it wouldn't be a problem. It would depend of they can go. |
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