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Breadcrumbing
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Leading on from another thread. What are your thoughts on breadcrumbing?
This is the practice of dropping little morsels, a text, a fab, some kind of interaction, but not following through.
It’s a person that doesn’t make a proper effort, it doesn’t want to let you go.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
It’s a form of attention seeking and leading people on. It’s frustrating but not specifically bad or wrong.
If I feel that it’s being done to me, I just stop communicating. Absolutely hate feeling like the person isn’t interested |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab! 
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on  "
It’s not that alone, it’s a combination of things. |
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on "
Same. Or I’ll reply out of politeness but not want to commit to all day messaging |
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on
It’s not that alone, it’s a combination of things. "
Like what? I don’t really understand |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on
Same. Or I’ll reply out of politeness but not want to commit to all day messaging "
I haven’t explained it well.
It’s a combination of little morsels to keep someone interested in you, not really giving anything, but just keeping them hanging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve copied and pasted this, as I’m doing a terrible job of explaining (where’s that darn facepalm emoji when you need it!)
Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Och, I’m too old for games. If I say I’m going to meet someone, I’ll do it. I’m pretty honest and straightforward.
Love the ‘thinking’ threads you’ve been starting, by the way  xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Och, I’m too old for games. If I say I’m going to meet someone, I’ll do it. I’m pretty honest and straightforward.
Love the ‘thinking’ threads you’ve been starting, by the way xx"
Thank you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on "
Me too….. this one took a bit to sink in though with shrimping and breadcruming I think we could be talking another language soon….. I also fab lots of pics especially updates I think it’s nice to show appreciation for a nice pic x |
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on
It’s not that alone, it’s a combination of things.
Like what? I don’t really understand "
Ah I’ve googled it now. So basically leading someone on for the fun of it when you’re not really interested? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on
Same. Or I’ll reply out of politeness but not want to commit to all day messaging "
 Knew it. |
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Copy and pasted from a previous thread on the subject , I’ve also come to the realisation that I have several breadcrumbers.
As for the specimen below … we’re still exchanging memes
My experience of being breadcrumbed
"Being occasionally flirted with but no move to hang out again are being made. Receiving memes via text or social media with no or little other communication. Making ambiguous/lose plans to meet that never seem to pan out on...a yearly basis "
I have my very own " breadcrumber " , been going on for years , it's probably 6 years since we last met , we met on here.
He gets in touch every 18 months or so , the breadcrumbs goes on for a few weeks then he vanishes.
And for whatever reason I let it happen ( I suspect it's lust )
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is the practice of dropping little morsels but not following through.
Have you ever dropped one and then followed through OP? "
You said you would tell anyone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is the practice of dropping little morsels but not following through.
Have you ever dropped one and then followed through OP?
You said you would tell anyone "
And I did. |
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on
Me too….. this one took a bit to sink in though with shrimping and breadcruming I think we could be talking another language soon….. I also fab lots of pics especially updates I think it’s nice to show appreciation for a nice pic x"
Shrimping? Back to google I go! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My understanding of breadcrumbing is that you’re giving just enough - and no more - to keep someone invested in you. So you drop them a message or a compliment, or whatever. Like crumbs from a table.
It would be done when someone is hedging their bets, and keeping their options open.
Not a nice way to behave, in my view. Fabbing someone’s pic is different though! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My understanding of breadcrumbing is that you’re giving just enough - and no more - to keep someone invested in you. So you drop them a message or a compliment, or whatever. Like crumbs from a table.
It would be done when someone is hedging their bets, and keeping their options open.
Not a nice way to behave, in my view. Fabbing someone’s pic is different though!"
I’m going to get you to do the thread next time. You word things well .
I seem unable to make sense this evening  |
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid."
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!"
Glad to hear it isn't just me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!"
Ignore me, read Dieu’s explanation, she’s explaining it well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Omg yes! It happens a lot on here, for me it's more about the way a person trys to hook you in, giving very little but just enough to maybe keep you or make you interested. In contrast, others may fab or wink or message sporadically without breadcrumbing. It's all about the way they do it and is hard to explain.
Done well enough, breadcrumbing can leave you feeling needy and hungry (just like them) and it's so subtle its not always easy to spot. Get wise and get rid, these people have no genuine interest other than to hook you in and they get a thrill out of it too, like a sick joke although they'd have no idea if you confronted them about it. Breadcrumers are largely unaware of what they do
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!
Glad to hear it isn't just me. "
If I am it’s not my intention. But reading this I’m thinking maybe I do  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on "
I do this to show appreciation for the pictures. I’m not doing it to get noticed by them. And yes I’ve learned a new word on fab today too. Maybe I should stop fabbing pictures? |
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!
Ignore me, read Dieu’s explanation, she’s explaining it well "
Haha I’d never ignore you . Like I said though I think maybe things could be taken this way when it’s not the intention x |
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!"
Nooo it’s a deliberate way of keeping a hold on someone they know likes them by giving just enough to keep in some contact knowing that the other person likes them and can’t resist. But they know they will never give the other person anything more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!
Glad to hear it isn't just me.
If I am it’s not my intention. But reading this I’m thinking maybe I do "
You’re not intentionally keeping some en hanging on though? That’s different to sporadic contact with friends |
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!
Glad to hear it isn't just me.
If I am it’s not my intention. But reading this I’m thinking maybe I do
You’re not intentionally keeping some en hanging on though? That’s different to sporadic contact with friends"
No. I just hope they don’t take it that way lol x |
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid."
Very different. Breadcrumbing, when it's been done to me, is when you sense someone is cooling off and toss them just enough attention to keep them hanging and stop them moving on.
It's not an "I thought of you today", it's a "keep thinking of me today". |
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
Very different. Breadcrumbing, when it's been done to me, is when you sense someone is cooling off and toss them just enough attention to keep them hanging and stop them moving on.
It's not an "I thought of you today", it's a "keep thinking of me today"."
I get it now and this is exactly what has been done to me in the past. Now there’s a word for it x |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
This is what I’m thinking. I’ll see someone on the forum I’ve not seen for ages and maybe fab a pic. Or I’ll message saying hi. Never even heard of this before. I often don’t speak to people for ages then drop them a line, even people where we’ve talked about meeting. Hope I’m not doing this thing!
Nooo it’s a deliberate way of keeping a hold on someone they know likes them by giving just enough to keep in some contact knowing that the other person likes them and can’t resist. But they know they will never give the other person anything more."
This. The key part is the knowing the other person wants more and you don’t. That they hang on each interaction to an extent as it “feeds” them however sparsely and you keep doing just enough to keep them there. I think it often happens when someone isn’t clear with the other person, and I mean clear in their actions not just words, consistent and not giving false hope. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If someone pops into my head and I rattle off a message, is that breadcrumbing? What does following through entail? Meeting? What if they live 100s of miles away?
The last time there was a thread like this it was the first time I'd heard the phrase. I immediately whatsapped a fabber I haven't met and text infrequently who lives far away and said "God you don't think that's what I'm doing do you?"
God forbid.
Very different. Breadcrumbing, when it's been done to me, is when you sense someone is cooling off and toss them just enough attention to keep them hanging and stop them moving on.
It's not an "I thought of you today", it's a "keep thinking of me today".
I get it now and this is exactly what has been done to me in the past. Now there’s a word for it x"
I’m sorry that happened to you  |
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In my head it's not just fabbing a pic or saying a hi here and there. It's active conscious flirtation to keep someone "warm" while you hedge your bets and/or you're actually not intending to meet anyone at all (maybe married or not brave enough) you just like the attention.
New phrase on me too, but when I saw it on the last thread I was like yeah def had that experience with some folk I've long term messaged.
Yes, but no, but yes, but let me get back to you... exhausting |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Leading on from another thread. What are your thoughts on breadcrumbing?
This is the practice of dropping little morsels, a text, a fab, some kind of interaction, but not following through.
It’s a person that doesn’t make a proper effort, it doesn’t want to let you go.
"
Any kind of manipulative behaviour is deplorable. Sadly in some instances the person being manipulated finds it easy to excuse the behaviour of the manipulator because they hope for something to happen.
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I'm not if it really applies on here. Maybe if they know the other person only meets with one person until they're no longer involved or something. When it comes to dating, breadcrumbing is usually holding that person back from finding a good relationship because they're hanging on for the person doing the breadcrumbing. Fab is a bit different surely? Maybe you want to meet someone but there isn't an opportunity for a while. Maybe you've met and intend to meet again but neither of you know when. Surely none of us have the time to keep in constant contact with our fab connections? Personally I find an occasional check in during those times quite a nice thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not if it really applies on here. Maybe if they know the other person only meets with one person until they're no longer involved or something. When it comes to dating, breadcrumbing is usually holding that person back from finding a good relationship because they're hanging on for the person doing the breadcrumbing. Fab is a bit different surely? Maybe you want to meet someone but there isn't an opportunity for a while. Maybe you've met and intend to meet again but neither of you know when. Surely none of us have the time to keep in constant contact with our fab connections? Personally I find an occasional check in during those times quite a nice thing. "
There’s so many different dynamics on here though, and in some of them, I’m sure it does happen.
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Never heard of this, but it sounds like a vile thing to do. Fabbing photos for us is a mixture of the aesthetic quality of the shot, the subject, obviously, the composition in some cases and in others just down right sexuality of the photo.
I am going to read about this phrase now I’ve seen it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Light bulb moment.  This explains what he's doing. Bollox. 
I had that same lightbulb moment!
Me too!! "
I’m sorry you’ve all experienced it .
You deserve more  |
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I’m sorry
Nah it's fine. Kinda stood me up today, and not the 1st time either. Was about to rearrange, but think I'll go with the block button instead  "
Good on you |
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"Leading on from another thread. What are your thoughts on breadcrumbing?
This is the practice of dropping little morsels, a text, a fab, some kind of interaction, but not following through.
It’s a person that doesn’t make a proper effort, it doesn’t want to let you go.
"
Yeah had it happen. It doesn’t feel good |
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"Never heard of this, but it sounds like a vile thing to do. Fabbing photos for us is a mixture of the aesthetic quality of the shot, the subject, obviously, the composition in some cases and in others just down right sexuality of the photo.
I am going to read about this phrase now I’ve seen it "
Fabbing photos is not breadcrumbing, just an appreciation of a picture. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Never heard of this, but it sounds like a vile thing to do. Fabbing photos for us is a mixture of the aesthetic quality of the shot, the subject, obviously, the composition in some cases and in others just down right sexuality of the photo.
I am going to read about this phrase now I’ve seen it
Fabbing photos is not breadcrumbing, just an appreciation of a picture."
Yes, fabbing pictures alone doesn’t count.
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I’m sorry
Nah it's fine. Kinda stood me up today, and not the 1st time either. Was about to rearrange, but think I'll go with the block button instead "
That sounds like a good alternative to making more plans to meet. We all deserve to be treated better than good..good luck with it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a term used to describe some behaviors of people that fall on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum (now estimated at 1 in 3 people) it's very selfish and feeds off people's needs and/or weaknesses. It happens in every community, sector or workplace and there are many different levels of it. Its not always sexually/romantically motivated either but it is always only to feed the ego of the breadcrumber with no regard for the bredcrumbee whatsoever.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oooo never heard this before but I fully understand it, I don’t think I ever do that intentionally. It’s the old saying once out of sight out of mind aint it |
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By *eardybobMan
over a year ago
the Goldilocks Zone |
"Never heard of this, but it sounds like a vile thing to do. Fabbing photos for us is a mixture of the aesthetic quality of the shot, the subject, obviously, the composition in some cases and in others just down right sexuality of the photo.
I am going to read about this phrase now I’ve seen it
Fabbing photos is not breadcrumbing, just an appreciation of a picture.
Yes, fabbing pictures alone doesn’t count.
"
No. Fabbing photos is a genuine compliment and not breadcrumbing in my opinion.
I suppose it could be used as a way to easily feign ongoing interest as part of breadcrumbing, but I choose to believe that the vast majority of fabs are a genuine compliment, and not a contrived false flattery.
Now... on the subject of leading multiple people on - building up their hopes, only to subsequently dash all but one of them on the rocks? Absolutely despicable.
Pretty obvious to all I guess, but I'm an "all in" kind of guy and find it difficult to understand the motivation behind such disrespectful behaviour... I do however tend to give the benefit of the doubt to everyone until they prove themselves despicable, and would encourage everyone to look at the full set of facts and evidence in every situation rather than jumping to a negative conclusion.
Also, to respect the choice of individuals to follow their hearts - even if it appears (with the simplistic view from the sidelines) that they are being played and heading for pain.
This is a hugely supportive community - something that has impressed me from the start, but we can be quick to jump to harsh conclusions.
In my opinion, we have no business concerning ourselves with the relationships of others and should instead just focus on making ourselves available to support each other if (god forbid) things do go wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont really like the phrase. Friendships can be built all sorts of different ways. Looking in on a person you dont reglarly speak to could be just keeping a connection to someone you like or get on with. It doesnt always have to be about more than that. Any action when done for selfish reasons is to be disliked I suppose but Im not keen on the miniature of social interactions being labelled. Im a shit friend but will still try and keep in touch with people on and off and hate to think it could be misconstrued as 'breadcrumbing' or for some selfish gain. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not something I've encountered. I guess it must be more prevalent amongst those garnering for attention. "
That’s quite a dismissive way to look at it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I dont really like the phrase. Friendships can be built all sorts of different ways. Looking in on a person you dont reglarly speak to could be just keeping a connection to someone you like or get on with. It doesnt always have to be about more than that. Any action when done for selfish reasons is to be disliked I suppose but Im not keen on the miniature of social interactions being labelled. Im a shit friend but will still try and keep in touch with people on and off and hate to think it could be misconstrued as 'breadcrumbing' or for some selfish gain. "
I would not describe that as breadcrumbing, that sounds like normal friendships, you’re not deliberately trying to keep them hanging on doing that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Love this thread hippychick you learn something new every day xx
Yes thanks Hippy I learned something new too! Who’d have thought…. Breadcrumbed Shrimps "
Haha! Even I learnt something new there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont really like the phrase. Friendships can be built all sorts of different ways. Looking in on a person you dont reglarly speak to could be just keeping a connection to someone you like or get on with. It doesnt always have to be about more than that. Any action when done for selfish reasons is to be disliked I suppose but Im not keen on the miniature of social interactions being labelled. Im a shit friend but will still try and keep in touch with people on and off and hate to think it could be misconstrued as 'breadcrumbing' or for some selfish gain.
I would not describe that as breadcrumbing, that sounds like normal friendships, you’re not deliberately trying to keep them hanging on doing that. "
Phew then I get slightly triggered by the phrase  |
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By *anae21Woman
over a year ago
Nearer than you think |
"Copy and pasted from a previous thread on the subject , I’ve also come to the realisation that I have several breadcrumbers.
As for the specimen below … we’re still exchanging memes
My experience of being breadcrumbed
"Being occasionally flirted with but no move to hang out again are being made. Receiving memes via text or social media with no or little other communication. Making ambiguous/lose plans to meet that never seem to pan out on...a yearly basis "
I have my very own " breadcrumber " , been going on for years , it's probably 6 years since we last met , we met on here.
He gets in touch every 18 months or so , the breadcrumbs goes on for a few weeks then he vanishes.
And for whatever reason I let it happen ( I suspect it's lust )
"
I have one, too. I've learned to be much tougher with my emotions although I'm not at the "block him and delete all contact " stage yet. |
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"Copy and pasted from a previous thread on the subject , I’ve also come to the realisation that I have several breadcrumbers.
As for the specimen below … we’re still exchanging memes
My experience of being breadcrumbed
"Being occasionally flirted with but no move to hang out again are being made. Receiving memes via text or social media with no or little other communication. Making ambiguous/lose plans to meet that never seem to pan out on...a yearly basis "
I have my very own " breadcrumber " , been going on for years , it's probably 6 years since we last met , we met on here.
He gets in touch every 18 months or so , the breadcrumbs goes on for a few weeks then he vanishes.
And for whatever reason I let it happen ( I suspect it's lust )
I have one, too. I've learned to be much tougher with my emotions although I'm not at the "block him and delete all contact " stage yet. "
I’m now just in for the very funny memes he sends me daily.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think when I was sort of new, I was unintentionally guilty of this.
I never made plans to meet, but throughout conversations I willed myself to just suck it up and meet them. And eventually I just knew I couldn't and backed away.
Now I just avoid private conversations. So yeh I'm definitely guilty and if anyone did feel like that I apologise X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont really like the phrase. Friendships can be built all sorts of different ways. Looking in on a person you dont reglarly speak to could be just keeping a connection to someone you like or get on with. It doesnt always have to be about more than that. Any action when done for selfish reasons is to be disliked I suppose but Im not keen on the miniature of social interactions being labelled. Im a shit friend but will still try and keep in touch with people on and off and hate to think it could be misconstrued as 'breadcrumbing' or for some selfish gain. "
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"It can be a perception thing. One person reading the signals wrong maybe..
In the sense we’re talking about, I’m not sure if it can?"
My apologies. I agree with you on this. I did not express myself well. I was wondering in a broader sense, not an individual case, if the person who feels breadcrumbed could be over analysing things. Is breadcrumbing best looked at subjectively or objectively? |
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We call it plate spinning…when they have that many chats going on they are just doing enough to stop the plate from falling.
We’ve dropped chats when we’ve established said act. Whilst we don’t expect to be exclusive with people, we also don’t want the feeling that we are in a queue.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah. This is the word I should have used with a guy yesterday. I said he was hot and cold. Fab here, one word message there over weeks. His reply: oh not at all, it's just been busy. Another one word message just now.  |
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I wouldn't personally call it breadcrumbung on here, it's often more a case of people having their fingers in a few too many pies at once. Keeping people in a virtual queue as it were. I always fully expected anyone that I spoke to on here to be chatting with and/or meeting others, but some of them either do it with more than they can handle at once, or just aren't very good at multi-tasking. That was never for me, I was never going to sit on the conveyor belt of a lothario and patiently await my turn...I'd quickly lose interest if I wasn't getting a decent amount of communication or plans to meet weren't coming to fruition. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't personally call it breadcrumbung on here, it's often more a case of people having their fingers in a few too many pies at once. Keeping people in a virtual queue as it were. I always fully expected anyone that I spoke to on here to be chatting with and/or meeting others, but some of them either do it with more than they can handle at once, or just aren't very good at multi-tasking. That was never for me, I was never going to sit on the conveyor belt of a lothario and patiently await my turn...I'd quickly lose interest if I wasn't getting a decent amount of communication or plans to meet weren't coming to fruition. "
I usually have several chats going with guys I might meet but - I don't do the breadcrumbing. It just seems a waste of my time and theirs. Saying "morning" or "hope you good". How do you get anywhere with that? Think I will cut off the guys who do it faster. |
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"We call it plate spinning…when they have that many chats going on they are just doing enough to stop the plate from falling.
We’ve dropped chats when we’ve established said act. Whilst we don’t expect to be exclusive with people, we also don’t want the feeling that we are in a queue.
K"
I like the plate spinning analogy |
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I had that same lightbulb moment!
Me too!! "
Me three!! Now you’ve said it, I can see it. Very clearly, unfortunately; possibly a shadow of doubt, but the more I think about it, the more sure I’m getting.
Well, shit.
Every day’s a school day on Fab
Thank you, Hippy xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't personally call it breadcrumbung on here, it's often more a case of people having their fingers in a few too many pies at once. Keeping people in a virtual queue as it were. I always fully expected anyone that I spoke to on here to be chatting with and/or meeting others, but some of them either do it with more than they can handle at once, or just aren't very good at multi-tasking. That was never for me, I was never going to sit on the conveyor belt of a lothario and patiently await my turn...I'd quickly lose interest if I wasn't getting a decent amount of communication or plans to meet weren't coming to fruition. "
As I said to Lacey, it really depends on the dynamic in place. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I had that same lightbulb moment!
Me too!!
Me three!! Now you’ve said it, I can see it. Very clearly, unfortunately; possibly a shadow of doubt, but the more I think about it, the more sure I’m getting.
Well, shit.
Every day’s a school day on Fab
Thank you, Hippy xxx"
Sorry to hear that |
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I had that same lightbulb moment!
Me too!!
Me three!! Now you’ve said it, I can see it. Very clearly, unfortunately; possibly a shadow of doubt, but the more I think about it, the more sure I’m getting.
Well, shit.
Every day’s a school day on Fab
Thank you, Hippy xxx
Sorry to hear that "
Don’t be sorry for enlightening us, flower - I’m very grateful to you. Now I can see what’s going on, I can take steps to stop it!
xx |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"It can be a perception thing. One person reading the signals wrong maybe..
In the sense we’re talking about, I’m not sure if it can?
My apologies. I agree with you on this. I did not express myself well. I was wondering in a broader sense, not an individual case, if the person who feels breadcrumbed could be over analysing things. Is breadcrumbing best looked at subjectively or objectively?"
Usually the person being breadcrumbed doesn't realise it until it is pointed out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I had that same lightbulb moment!
Me too!!
Me three!! Now you’ve said it, I can see it. Very clearly, unfortunately; possibly a shadow of doubt, but the more I think about it, the more sure I’m getting.
Well, shit.
Every day’s a school day on Fab
Thank you, Hippy xxx
Sorry to hear that
Don’t be sorry for enlightening us, flower - I’m very grateful to you. Now I can see what’s going on, I can take steps to stop it!
xx"
Yay! Loving your positive attitude |
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"Light bulb moment. This explains what he's doing. Bollox.
I had that same lightbulb moment!
Me too!!
Me three!! Now you’ve said it, I can see it. Very clearly, unfortunately; possibly a shadow of doubt, but the more I think about it, the more sure I’m getting.
Well, shit.
Every day’s a school day on Fab
Thank you, Hippy xxx
Sorry to hear that
Don’t be sorry for enlightening us, flower - I’m very grateful to you. Now I can see what’s going on, I can take steps to stop it!
xx
Yay! Loving your positive attitude "
Haha; easier said than done though, right?! At least I won’t be kidding myself any longer. I wonder how long they’ll stretch it out? xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I need some breadcrumbing advice! I want to block and delete a guy that has recently got back in touch. He used to visit me once a week for a month or two but then it stopped and I gave up on him after a few lame excuses. That was 2 years ago.
He's been back in touch to ask if I still live in the same place as he's moved closer but he is now breadcrumbing me with aloof brief replies. He doesn't seem like someone who really wants to have sex with me anymore. Problem is he's hot af and the sex was great. I think that's stopping me from blocking him but also I don't want to jump the gun or appear like the crazy one if I block him without explanation.
Do I wait for him to message me before confronting him or should I just message him and tell him I feel breadcrumbed and that I'm sorry if he's not doing that but I'm close to blocking him? Or just block delete move on? It does my nut in to see him on here every day!
Any advice appreciated xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need some breadcrumbing advice! I want to block and delete a guy that has recently got back in touch. He used to visit me once a week for a month or two but then it stopped and I gave up on him after a few lame excuses. That was 2 years ago.
He's been back in touch to ask if I still live in the same place as he's moved closer but he is now breadcrumbing me with aloof brief replies. He doesn't seem like someone who really wants to have sex with me anymore. Problem is he's hot af and the sex was great. I think that's stopping me from blocking him but also I don't want to jump the gun or appear like the crazy one if I block him without explanation.
Do I wait for him to message me before confronting him or should I just message him and tell him I feel breadcrumbed and that I'm sorry if he's not doing that but I'm close to blocking him? Or just block delete move on? It does my nut in to see him on here every day!
Any advice appreciated xx"
Find your self respect and stop engaging with him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need some breadcrumbing advice! I want to block and delete a guy that has recently got back in touch. He used to visit me once a week for a month or two but then it stopped and I gave up on him after a few lame excuses. That was 2 years ago.
He's been back in touch to ask if I still live in the same place as he's moved closer but he is now breadcrumbing me with aloof brief replies. He doesn't seem like someone who really wants to have sex with me anymore. Problem is he's hot af and the sex was great. I think that's stopping me from blocking him but also I don't want to jump the gun or appear like the crazy one if I block him without explanation.
Do I wait for him to message me before confronting him or should I just message him and tell him I feel breadcrumbed and that I'm sorry if he's not doing that but I'm close to blocking him? Or just block delete move on? It does my nut in to see him on here every day!
Any advice appreciated xx
Find your self respect and stop engaging with him "
Thanks, its not really a question of self respect here (although there's a smidgen of that in there) so much as wondering what the best approach is. I'm not a fan of ghosting, I don't want to block and delete without explanation either as he's someone I've already had a thing with and I find the whole 'cancel culture' a real cop out. Not sure what to do really |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I need some breadcrumbing advice! I want to block and delete a guy that has recently got back in touch. He used to visit me once a week for a month or two but then it stopped and I gave up on him after a few lame excuses. That was 2 years ago.
He's been back in touch to ask if I still live in the same place as he's moved closer but he is now breadcrumbing me with aloof brief replies. He doesn't seem like someone who really wants to have sex with me anymore. Problem is he's hot af and the sex was great. I think that's stopping me from blocking him but also I don't want to jump the gun or appear like the crazy one if I block him without explanation.
Do I wait for him to message me before confronting him or should I just message him and tell him I feel breadcrumbed and that I'm sorry if he's not doing that but I'm close to blocking him? Or just block delete move on? It does my nut in to see him on here every day!
Any advice appreciated xx
Find your self respect and stop engaging with him
Thanks, its not really a question of self respect here (although there's a smidgen of that in there) so much as wondering what the best approach is. I'm not a fan of ghosting, I don't want to block and delete without explanation either as he's someone I've already had a thing with and I find the whole 'cancel culture' a real cop out. Not sure what to do really "
I would normally suggest an open and honest approach, however, as breadcrumbing can be quite manipulative, it may not be the best way forward, but only you know the person involved.
If you think they are doing it deliberately, then absolutely delete and block, you need to put yourself first in situations like this.
It can’t make you feel nice? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need some breadcrumbing advice! I want to block and delete a guy that has recently got back in touch. He used to visit me once a week for a month or two but then it stopped and I gave up on him after a few lame excuses. That was 2 years ago.
He's been back in touch to ask if I still live in the same place as he's moved closer but he is now breadcrumbing me with aloof brief replies. He doesn't seem like someone who really wants to have sex with me anymore. Problem is he's hot af and the sex was great. I think that's stopping me from blocking him but also I don't want to jump the gun or appear like the crazy one if I block him without explanation.
Do I wait for him to message me before confronting him or should I just message him and tell him I feel breadcrumbed and that I'm sorry if he's not doing that but I'm close to blocking him? Or just block delete move on? It does my nut in to see him on here every day!
Any advice appreciated xx
Find your self respect and stop engaging with him
Thanks, its not really a question of self respect here (although there's a smidgen of that in there) so much as wondering what the best approach is. I'm not a fan of ghosting, I don't want to block and delete without explanation either as he's someone I've already had a thing with and I find the whole 'cancel culture' a real cop out. Not sure what to do really
I would normally suggest an open and honest approach, however, as breadcrumbing can be quite manipulative, it may not be the best way forward, but only you know the person involved.
If you think they are doing it deliberately, then absolutely delete and block, you need to put yourself first in situations like this.
It can’t make you feel nice? "
Thanks hun I'm over it really at this point now that the penny's dropped as its just so damn unattractive! I don't think it's a conscious thing, largely subconscious on his part actually. I doubt I'd get much back from him if I did try the open honest approach, think I'll leave it and if he messages again I'll just say 'not interested in guys like you, good luck' then block and delete. This will get the message home a bit more I think and if not it's a bit of revenge lol x |
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"Another word I’ve learned on fab!
I often fab pics because I like them. I never think it could be leading someone on "
/\ This
I usually fab pictures because I like them, not because I’m angling for a chat/meet etc. |
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[Someone else just posted a "Breadcrumbing" thread a few moments ago]
Apologies for resurrecting this. I really wish I had come across this thread much sooner! It's been an edifying read and I can certainly relate to it from my experiences on Fab.
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I have a breadcrumber! I’ve met him multiple times and we have explosive chemistry, but in between he’s the worst communicator. He’ll drop in a text now and again just to keep tabs, or to remind me he is still around, I respond with a question (how’ve you been?), then nothing comes back. It’s so frustrating!
It isn’t until I say “are you free tonight” that I’ll actually see him.
But I’ve kind of got used to the dynamic and I put up with it because I know he’s just crap at replying to anyone in general.
Ideally I’d prefer a flowing conversation with the people I have sex with.
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"Leading on from another thread. What are your thoughts on breadcrumbing?
This is the practice of dropping little morsels, a text, a fab, some kind of interaction, but not following through.
It’s a person that doesn’t make a proper effort, it doesn’t want to let you go.
"
It’s a practice that is a prime tactic of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Tiptoe away quietly and block from your life. |
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"It’s a form of attention seeking and leading people on. It’s frustrating but not specifically bad or wrong.
If I feel that it’s being done to me, I just stop communicating. Absolutely hate feeling like the person isn’t interested "
Ghosting ? |
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