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What makes you trust someone?
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
There are people I trust.
Some I trust with my life, literally.
Some I trust with information about me.
Some I trust with my body.
Very few I trust with my bank card.
Even fewer I trust with my heart.
And even fewer I trust with everything.
But what about you? What is it that makes you trust someone for any reason, and why do you think you trust them with parts of you but not all of you? Or why trust them with all of you?
What is it that makes us believe we can trust again once our trust has been broken? Is it hope? Is it foolishness? Is it something else?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't trust anyone but I try hard to give people a chance, I don't like to let past experiences keep me recoiled from being open with people. I've been hurt over and over, from strangers, friends and blood relations.
I don't like drama so it's often easier to not trust anyone so as to not be emotionally attached if something went wrong.
I'd say the person I trust the most is my husband. |
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Everyone I meet automatically gets a base level of trust, how much more and what type would depend on our relationship and their actions. But once my trust is broken then they won't ever get it back. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
I don't know, I just kind of suddenly do. But it's extremely rare I do trust. People like to assume they are trustworthy but honestly (and it applies to almost everyone) we are selective with who and what can be trusted with us. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I'm naturally trusting but I'm very quick to adjust.
I start becoming cautious with people who are inconsistent, unreliable or don't give much away about themselves. Also if I see them treat others in a way I don't like. |
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Usually through a mutual understanding.
If they are interested enough to ask questions rather than a one side conversation and for every little piece I share they give back equally.
I've learned the hard way in life not to trust people blindly. |
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I’m too trusting. I give everyone a certain level but very few get the full works. That’s like the holy grail for many reasons. But I trust that people will give me a basic level of respect. I’m often wrong. And repeat… |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"Everyone I meet automatically gets a base level of trust, how much more and what type would depend on our relationship and their actions. But once my trust is broken then they won't ever get it back. "
I think that there needs to be a distinction between as you say base level of trust, and a deeper trust.
Most people are base level trust, generally decent people. Deep trust is a whole other game. |
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A good question OP, having also had trust abused in the past I'm less inclined to give it easily.
I always assume people are generally good and trust their words and intentions. But would still keep an emotional distance.
To fully trust someone again would take someone special, and knowing when to trust might take some time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve friends I trust with my life, my home and my family. And really close friends I trust with my heart and even my daughters well being. My circles close but it’s tight |
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I begin with a basic level of respect and trust, and the trust can be built up over time. Generally by observing the person be honest, how they interact with people including myself.
I have friends I've literally trusted with my life in BDSM fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it very hard to trust anyone because too many people have betrayed me and let me down over the years. I have only three close friends in my life who I trust completely x |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
A myriad of factors really. My past would suggest it's foolish for me to trust but my heart is soft and I genuinely like people. Care about some of them. I'd say it's very rare for me to trust someone fully, I can count on one hand the amount of people I do. That's not to say I don't have varying degrees of trust with most people, but it's never full. I worry that when I do trust and open up to people I'm vulnerable. Exposed. I'd rather not be in that position with many.
I tend to not trust people if they display signs of dishonesty, signs of unkindness to others, feeling like the scales are tipped to heavily in their favour etc.
I think trusting again is a sign of hope, of my eternal optimism for humans as a whole. I don't think we're bad people. Flawed yes but not bad inherently. And I know how beautiful a relationship (in any sense of that word) can be if there's some element of trust there. My partner, my best friends and even my lover I trust. Fully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm way too trusting, but I've been hurt so much in the past I'm always looking out for little inconsistencies with people.
If I suspect a lie, I'll steer conversations towards the subject and as soon as they trip themselves up (and they always do), all trust is gone. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?"
For me - no. Just because you're born into a family doesn't mean you have to trust anybody. I have a few blood relatives I wouldn't trust with a penny. I don't class them as family either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on what I'm trusting them with. There are people I wouldn't trust to lend money to but would trust to be on time for something. People I would trust with money that I wouldn't trust with a secret.
I have a level of trust for everyone I come across depending on their behaviour and personality. This includes family  |
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By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?"
I trust my family money wise
But I couldn't tell them a secret or trust them with my feelings not even my mother as she would use it at me in a row at some point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No rules, just a process and my own judgement in each case. I've been very lucky with good friends and partners so that has given me confidence in my judgement. I guess if I was badly betrayed it would be a different story. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?
I'd say not, many families are not all love and roses  "
Mine is a case in point sadly. Yet for some reason.... possibly conditioning, I always did trust them blindly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There ain't many people in my life. Trust is a very strong word,I trust one person with my body. Rely on is another thing. I can't rely on anyone,some through no fault of their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At this point there's only one person I trust with absolutely everything as I know deep inside me he will never betray me in any way. Even if our ways were to part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say time and someone proving to be genuine with what they say and their actions. But there's people I trust and then there's people I completely trust with my life, and the latter are very rare and people I've spent a ridiculously long time around who have proved their worth time and time again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me, it's a two way thing and trust is built over time, and as you said in your OP, there are different levels of trust and different kinds.
Also, is putting trust in someone the same as trusting someone? As in, I can put my trust in someone but I'm not sure thats the same as trusting someone. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"For me, it's a two way thing and trust is built over time, and as you said in your OP, there are different levels of trust and different kinds.
Also, is putting trust in someone the same as trusting someone? As in, I can put my trust in someone but I'm not sure thats the same as trusting someone."
That's a good point. I think for the flow of the post I used trusting them as putting my trust in them.
For example, I've put my trust in my neurosurgeon several times now because I trust him to not actually paralyse or kill me when I'm on the operating table. So for the purpose of this I would say I trust him with my body (he's not having my bank card though. That 35p is mine). |
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"Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?"
The saying you can pick your friends but not your family exists for a reason
Trust in most situations is generally misplaced I’ve observed and especially within families  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At this point there's only one person I trust with absolutely everything as I know deep inside me he will never betray me in any way. Even if our ways were to part."
Sounds like a gem  |
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"Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?"
No. For example I shall never, ever trust my mother. She's a habitual liar and narcissist. I learned this aged 7.
I don't think family are any different to anybody else. Trust is earned over time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust is interesting isn’t it. Never automatic and I wouldn’t trust most of my family. Ultimately it’s here I found that trust is most misplaced.
For the longest of time I vowed that I wouldn’t let people in, I hadn’t wanted to and yes I’ve close friend but I wouldn’t expect or want from them..though give in.
But I found in living this way we lose a richness from life. When you see those who are open to trusting others and in giving life can be so much more.
Sometimes we come across people who simply slip past those defences and teach us something new...that we can trust and truly let people in. It may not last forever but it’s ok.
Fill life with richness and not let those who wronged you hurt and betrayed you keep you captive. Live.xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I trust those who have had my life in their hands and I’m still breathing and also a small amount of people who I have had to rely on and they’ve never let me down
However those people are few and just how I like it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a few people have said that if you've had your trust betrayed, you never trust blindly again. My trust is earned by openness and honesty over time. I'm lucky that my family have proved themselves trustworthy over and over, and I have a few friends I could say the same of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t trust very easily, even family. Only 2 people I trust with everything, but they’ve earned that and proven that I can. I trusted my ex husband but he betrayed me and our children in the most horrific of circumstances. Now I’m wary of anyone who tries to get close to me x  |
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"Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?"
Absolutely not…I’d trust other people more than most of my family. Some family members would use that trust against you and unfortunately have done in the past. When a family becomes splintered it becomes a case of who is on who's side and who you trust then.
Everyone starts with a certain level of trust and through our interactions, how they conduct themselves with others, trust is built or lowered.
There are a few people I would trust with my life, as they’ve earn’t it, but others will only ever have a certain level of trust given to them.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your replies so far. I'm reading all, but won't reply to all this time.
Another question if I may.... should family automatically be trusted until they prove they can't be, just by the nature of the blood tie?"
Family are granted trust because of the blood tie but like friends if anyone breaks my trust, friend or family, they’re dead to me forever |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
As in all aspects of life and love, the specific context is everything.
In the swinging context, trust is earned over a lengthy period and is counterbalanced by risk.
STIs are on the increase, some of which are drug resistant, so safe sex is an absolute priority, at least until trust, in the form of a recent valid test result, has been earned.
Acquisitiveness is pervasive in society and self-interest has been the norm for almost as long as humans have existed.
Trust, cooperation, reliability,and truthfulness are desirable but caution is mandatory.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I knew I could trust Sir when he was there for me when I was having a really bad day.
It wasn't sexual it was just offering a hand of friendship and being there for me.
I'd asked him to be my Dom within 24hrs of him helping me.
I knew if he could be there when I needed someone he would always be there for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Usually through a mutual understanding.
If they are interested enough to ask questions rather than a one side conversation and for every little piece I share they give back equally.
I've learned the hard way in life not to trust people blindly. "
I think I do this, the equal give and take of things shared. It can still go wrong as even far down the line the sharing of things can be used against you. |
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It is never instantaneous it is built over time. Those that are too free in openly speaking about themselves, their past and indeed others will not be trusted.
I can count on one hand those I trust with everything, ie you can speak freely and know their will be no judgement or comeback, which works both ways.
Saying that not one person knows everything about me, I don’t see why they need to. I’m not an automatic sharer of information and it is likely only to be given if naturally comes up in conversation.
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Family I don't trust as far as I could throw them, and I never will.
That level of trust being broken when you're so long ends up in massive trust issues as an adult.
I sometimes think it's not that I don't trust others, I just know I can sort it out myself and it'll be less hassle. |
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Time, the amount of time you spend with that person working them out and seeing how they act/react.
Experience, judging them and their actions on your own past experiences with similar situations of both your own and of others.
Consistency, learning enough about them over time to see if they are consistent in how they respond.
Your gut.....nothing is a better indicator than your gut feeling about another person but remember it's never infallible.
Life has taught me that even the people you believe you should be able to trust implicitly can often let you down so always remember that things can and do go wrong and that sometimes people simply make mistakes, its up to you to decide what you do when that happens. Never forget that someone may trust you with their whole being but you can make a simple mistake too so treat those who make mistakes as you would want to and expect to be treated.
I find deep trust very hard to give and currently only one person has that from me and no they're not family either, I learned that lesson a long time ago |
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I used to be the most trusting person! But now I have a very large strong wall up around me! I will trust certain people in certain situations, for example I would trust a certain friend to take my car and look after it, but I wouldn’t trust them in lots of other situations! It’s a tough one as I’m naturally trusting, but damn it hurts when that’s broken, stamped on and spat back out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trust is interesting isn’t it. Never automatic and I wouldn’t trust most of my family. Ultimately it’s here I found that trust is most misplaced.
For the longest of time I vowed that I wouldn’t let people in, I hadn’t wanted to and yes I’ve close friend but I wouldn’t expect or want from them..though give in.
But I found in living this way we lose a richness from life. When you see those who are open to trusting others and in giving life can be so much more.
Sometimes we come across people who simply slip past those defences and teach us something new...that we can trust and truly let people in. It may not last forever but it’s ok.
Fill life with richness and not let those who wronged you hurt and betrayed you keep you captive. Live.xx"
I've always been able to get back to this perspective, it's one I aspire to but still nursing some hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I trust my climbing partner with my life and pretty much anything else. This is because we have got each other through some scary stuff and have saved each other on numerous occasions even at personal pain and difficulty. The bravest lead I ever did was because I knew I couldn't ask him that day, he broke his toe and burnt blisters into his hands catching me on fall I took.
I trust her ladyship with my heart because .... well, I dunno, I can't imagine not doing so.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I trust my climbing partner with my life and pretty much anything else. This is because we have got each other through some scary stuff and have saved each other on numerous occasions even at personal pain and difficulty. The bravest lead I ever did was because I knew I couldn't ask him that day, he broke his toe and burnt blisters into his hands catching me on fall I took.
I trust her ladyship with my heart because .... well, I dunno, I can't imagine not doing so.
Mr"
Note he doesn't trust me with his life peeps   ... I don't fully trust him with my life yet as I end up in near death experiences and get the safety talk post bloody event...
But I do trust him in every way, and the fact that he trusts me with his heart is an honour I cherish every day.
NBVN x |
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