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There’s nothing worse than a squashed banana

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North

My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down "

What’s a banana doing in your back pocket?

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By *dam_TinaCouple  over a year ago

Hampshire

Asante sana

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled "

Yes, I feel your pain brother

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Messages saying meet and fuck now.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Two squashed bananas?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Asante sana"

Sorry I don’t speak French

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled "

That's pants.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My plums are squashed this morning

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Messages saying meet and fuck now. "

What? But you said yes?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Two squashed bananas? "

In your back pocket?

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By *a LunaWoman  over a year ago

South

Other road users. Bob off back to your driveways you road hogs!!

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My plums are squashed this morning "

Squashed bananas and plumbs

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Other road users. Bob off back to your driveways you road hogs!! "

Yes. Those pesky Sunday morning drivers

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You’re up early holes

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"You’re up early holes "

A squashed banana is better than any alarm clock

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"You’re up early holes "

The early bird pokes the hole

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My plums are squashed this morning

Squashed bananas and plumbs "

I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach

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By *yron69Man  over a year ago

Fareham

I buy the things simply to watch go brown, wither and end up in the compost. A wonder food that no longer taste as good as they used to.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Not all is lost

Write a message on the skin; it's the best writing experience of your life

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Grabbed what i thought was a packet of salt n vinger crisps once i opened blooming pickled blooming onion. Day ruined

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My plums are squashed this morning

Squashed bananas and plumbs

I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach "

What have you been up to?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"I buy the things simply to watch go brown, wither and end up in the compost. A wonder food that no longer taste as good as they used to."

This reminds me of my ex Mrs. I don’t think the police will ever find her in that compost pile

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Not all is lost

Write a message on the skin; it's the best writing experience of your life"

What would you like me to write?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Grabbed what i thought was a packet of salt n vinger crisps once i opened blooming pickled blooming onion. Day ruined"

I pray you find happiness at some point today.

PS Fantastic bum hole

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By *ackformore100Man  over a year ago

Tin town


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace "

A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...

What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman  over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk


"Asante sana"

Asante sana Squash banana, Wewe nugu mimi hapana

Follow old Rafiki he show you the way

It doesn't matter it's in the past

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

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By *asmeenTV/TS  over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Not getting enough

Potassium

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom "

Hubby did that putting bin out,he was wearing socks aswell.. yuck

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

Hubby did that putting bin out,he was wearing socks aswell.. yuck"

I was barefoot bleugh argh!

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...

What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten. "

You can’t be that good at golf then

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom "

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

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By *ickyquimCouple  over a year ago

north west

[Removed by poster at 15/10/21 10:37:28]

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Not getting enough

Potassium "

You get yours from spunk

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By *igmaMan  over a year ago

Yorkshire

Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning?

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By *eah BabyCouple  over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace "

I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that

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By *ickyquimCouple  over a year ago

north west


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace "

Waking up.

I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag….

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning?"

Like a submarine door

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that "

Why did I get a twinge reading this

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Waking up.

I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag…."

It was

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom "

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in "

I have a pet slug called Yasmeen

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By *ilverSwordMan  over a year ago

Belfast-ish

Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank

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By *uminsiderMKMan  over a year ago

St Austell

Nothing wrong with having a squashed banana - ideal for making a banana butty!

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By *ickyquimCouple  over a year ago

north west


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Waking up.

I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag….

It was "

Oh Lordy! Gooey fingers…

How come you can put a hard unripe banana in your bag and it still comes out squished and brown?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg "

Fried egg on toast it is then.

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank "

Did he not help finish you off?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Nothing wrong with having a squashed banana - ideal for making a banana butty! "

Get out

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank

Did he not help finish you off? "

Nope, how rude is that......

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By *ilverSwordMan  over a year ago

Belfast-ish


"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg

Fried egg on toast it is then. "

How did you know

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Waking up.

I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag….

It was

Oh Lordy! Gooey fingers…

How come you can put a hard unripe banana in your bag and it still comes out squished and brown?"

I know. I often put a hard thing in a bag and it cums out all squishy and slimy. Sometimes it cums out brown as well

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in

I have a pet slug called Yasmeen "

She'd say the same about you, I'm sure

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank

Did he not help finish you off?

Nope, how rude is that......"

I’d get a new postman then

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg

Fried egg on toast it is then.

How did you know "

You left your camera switched on your back phone

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By *asmeenTV/TS  over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Not getting enough

Potassium

You get yours from spunk "

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in

I have a pet slug called Yasmeen

She'd say the same about you, I'm sure "

She’s says a lot worse

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Not getting enough

Potassium

You get yours from spunk

"

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By *ilverSwordMan  over a year ago

Belfast-ish


"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg

Fried egg on toast it is then.

How did you know

You left your camera switched on your back phone "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My plums are squashed this morning

Squashed bananas and plumbs

I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach

What have you been up to? "

Something was on top of my fruit

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By *ackformore100Man  over a year ago

Tin town


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...

What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.

You can’t be that good at golf then "

Much worse than that.

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By *orkshrCplCouple  over a year ago

Ripon

Squash some more and make some banana bread

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace "

Depends where the banana was squashed?

Pisses me off if I run out of coffee

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in

I have a pet slug called Yasmeen

She'd say the same about you, I'm sure

She’s says a lot worse "

We all see your public spats!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank

Did he not help finish you off?

Nope, how rude is that......"

Come on, he showed you his package

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My plums are squashed this morning

Squashed bananas and plumbs

I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach

What have you been up to?

Something was on top of my fruit "

So you bashed it?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...

What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.

You can’t be that good at golf then

Much worse than that. "

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Squash some more and make some banana bread "

Disgusting

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By *ockosaurusMan  over a year ago

Warwick


"Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down "

I did that with a Cadburys Cream Egg once

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Depends where the banana was squashed?

Pisses me off if I run out of coffee"

It was in my laptop bag

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in

I have a pet slug called Yasmeen

She'd say the same about you, I'm sure

She’s says a lot worse

We all see your public spats!! "

I’m the innocent victim in all of this

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank

Did he not help finish you off?

Nope, how rude is that......

Come on, he showed you his package "

And probably emptied all of his sack

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By *arkus1812Man  over a year ago

Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands


"Squash some more and make some banana bread "

That's just what I have been doing, 4 bananas squashed and now in the oven.

Grandkids love Banana Bread

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My plums are squashed this morning

Squashed bananas and plumbs

I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach

What have you been up to?

Something was on top of my fruit

So you bashed it? "

More it got bashed

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By *iss_Cali_xxCouple  over a year ago

Herne Bay


"Messages saying meet and fuck now. "

Omg, this! And really pushy strings of messages because you haven't replied instantly!!!

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By *atricia ParnelWoman  over a year ago

In a town full of colours

No milk in the fridge

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Tell me about it!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Tell me about it! "

Are you ok?!

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By *ockosaurusMan  over a year ago

Warwick


"Tell me about it! "

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Tell me about it! "

Literally or figuratively?

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By *eah BabyCouple  over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...

What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten. "

I have a banana every day

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By *ackformore100Man  over a year ago

Tin town


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...

What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.

I have a banana every day "

Well bloody hell if that's what your secret is I'm off to fyffes to get a load...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom

What is a slug doing in your bathroom

It was in the kitchen - they sneak in

I have a pet slug called Yasmeen

She'd say the same about you, I'm sure

She’s says a lot worse

We all see your public spats!!

I’m the innocent victim in all of this "

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By *igmaMan  over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning?

Like a submarine door "

Probably better to insert something more rigid than a banana!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me. "

Oh the joys of a woman's handbag lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me.

Oh the joys of a woman's handbag lol "

Everything in it you could possibly need, and lots more you really dont

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By *alty surpriseMan  over a year ago

Uttoxeter

When you lose change under the seat in your car.. Get to the coffee vending machine and wish you had reached under to get it

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By *luebell888Woman  over a year ago

Glasgowish

Nothing worse than a dog poo bag with a hole in it.

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Nothing worse than a dog poo bag with a hole in it."

FFS

Thread Closed

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By *ananas57Couple  over a year ago

lake ariel

Look on the rosy side, if I have squashed bananas, I make banana bread

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Look on the rosy side, if I have squashed bananas, I make banana bread "

Yeah that’s cause you’re bananas

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By *isspurplechesterWoman  over a year ago

Chester

There’s nothing worse than your child telling you on Monday morning that there was a banana explosion in their bag on Friday, they just forgot to tell you

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By *asmeenTV/TS  over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace "

Hows your day?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Hows your day?"

Fucking shite thanks

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By *asmeenTV/TS  over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Hows your day?

Fucking shite thanks "

Try Apples next time

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Hows your day?

Fucking shite thanks

Try Apples next time "

Cox’s?

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By *asmeenTV/TS  over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

Hows your day?

Fucking shite thanks

Try Apples next time

Cox’s? "

No

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By *eah BabyCouple  over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria


"My day is ruined

What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?

Love and Peace

I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that

Why did I get a twinge reading this "

Maybe you have a banana fetish??

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple  over a year ago

Lincoln

Finding a banana you squashed in your bag a week ago is worse

LvM

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Cold chips and socks in bed.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

When you can’t find your TV remote to take a picture of your cock

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By *aisyandCarlosCouple  over a year ago

fareham

Treading barefoot on lego

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple  over a year ago

Lincoln


"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad "

Ballsack in trouser flys

LvM

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By *indergirlWoman  over a year ago

somewhere, someplace


"My plums are squashed this morning

Squashed bananas and plumbs

I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach

What have you been up to?

Something was on top of my fruit

So you bashed it?

More it got bashed "

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By *atnip make me purrWoman  over a year ago

Reading

Apparently some people put them into spag bol so you could try that.

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad "

No it’s not. It’s when the person next to you sits on your bollocks. That’s when it really hurts

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Apparently some people put them into spag bol so you could try that. "

The door is right over there

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad

Ballsack in trouser flys

LvM"

Or foreskin

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Stepping on a slug in socks kinda puts a dampener on a day

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By *aitonelMan  over a year ago

Liverpool

I need to know, did the banana survive the tragic accident?

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"I need to know, did the banana survive the tragic accident? "

No, it’s in banana heaven

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

RIP Banana... And I was going to offer CPR

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"RIP Banana... And I was going to offer CPR "

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By *erfectman122Man  over a year ago

from somewhere nice

There is ….a rotten banana

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

There will be other bananas. I promise.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad "

Unless it’s Xmas and you can use the proper crackers

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Tell me about it!

Are you ok?! "

No! Rex squashed me

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

When your finger goes through the doggy poo bag

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad

Unless it’s Xmas and you can use the proper crackers "

Sounds painful

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By *oeBeansMan  over a year ago

Derby

When that delicious buttery chocolate chip brioche swirl you bought to eat with your coffee turns out to be raisin

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

A kid sitting next to you having a "frube malfunction" leaving you looking like miss Bukkake 2021

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

After watching a YouTube video to making banana fritters, the squashed banana is the only way to deliciousness .

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By *ex Holes OP   Man  over a year ago

Up North


"A kid sitting next to you having a "frube malfunction" leaving you looking like miss Bukkake 2021"

Did any go on your tits as well?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Recently? Nothing.

Unless I run out of bread. That's always a disaster.

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