FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Meeting People With Aspergers.
Meeting People With Aspergers.
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"As long as they have big knockers" Ok, that made me laugh. I had visions of Sid James. | |||
"Communication is difficult with NT's "Neuro typical people? X | |||
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"Yes. They are no different to anyone else. We all have a touch of autism/Aspergers within us. I’m deaf, would you not meet me?" But they are different? Someone with Aspergers is neuro-diverse. And it's a myth that we all have a touch of autism. What is true is that many of us may have a characteristic that is often associated with autism/Aspergers. Totally different. This is what I meant about most people not know a thing about aspergers. | |||
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"Communication is difficult with NT's
Neuro typical people? X"Yes  | |||
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"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism. " I'd agree with this post but I'd still hesitate. The very fact that they have aspergers means that I might expect behaviours that I can't discern at all or I might expect behaviours that are not what I'd want to experience on a meet or that I might not understand in a sex situation on a one to one in a bedroom somewhere in Britain. Always act on the cautious side until you know someone well enough to trust them. Aspergers or not. No good anyone with aspergers or anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone with aspergers getting sensitive about anyone keeping themselves safe. I know people with aspergers. They are all different. I take them on as individuals. | |||
I am married to someone with Asperger’s. It is very challenging, but also lovely at times.  | |||
"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism. I'd agree with this post but I'd still hesitate. The very fact that they have aspergers means that I might expect behaviours that I can't discern at all or I might expect behaviours that are not what I'd want to experience on a meet or that I might not understand in a sex situation on a one to one in a bedroom somewhere in Britain. Always act on the cautious side until you know someone well enough to trust them. Aspergers or not. No good anyone with aspergers or anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone with aspergers getting sensitive about anyone keeping themselves safe. I know people with aspergers. They are all different. I take them on as individuals." I've probably made myself sound like a complete virgin numpty. | |||
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"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism. I'd agree with this post but I'd still hesitate. The very fact that they have aspergers means that I might expect behaviours that I can't discern at all or I might expect behaviours that are not what I'd want to experience on a meet or that I might not understand in a sex situation on a one to one in a bedroom somewhere in Britain. Always act on the cautious side until you know someone well enough to trust them. Aspergers or not. No good anyone with aspergers or anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone with aspergers getting sensitive about anyone keeping themselves safe. I know people with aspergers. They are all different. I take them on as individuals." Not to me. I thought you made very relevant points and you have first hand experience. | |||
"I have Aspergers and I have been discriminated against so many times. I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures. Some people, on the spectrum, just need a small point in the right direction. Hey, do this. But many people get ****** *** because they're not getting what they want and they're expecting it to happen smoothly. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't sex a learning curve all the time until you get accustomed to the person's enjoyment and techniques? " It can be a learning curve but it depends on what people are looking for. You just might not be compatible. How have you been discriminated against? | |||
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"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it " My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. | |||
"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism. I'd agree with this post but I'd still hesitate. The very fact that they have aspergers means that I might expect behaviours that I can't discern at all or I might expect behaviours that are not what I'd want to experience on a meet or that I might not understand in a sex situation on a one to one in a bedroom somewhere in Britain. Always act on the cautious side until you know someone well enough to trust them. Aspergers or not. No good anyone with aspergers or anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone with aspergers getting sensitive about anyone keeping themselves safe. I know people with aspergers. They are all different. I take them on as individuals. I've probably made myself sound like a complete virgin numpty." No you haven't. | |||
"I have Aspergers and I have been discriminated against so many times. I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures. Some people, on the spectrum, just need a small point in the right direction. Hey, do this. But many people get ****** *** because they're not getting what they want and they're expecting it to happen smoothly. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't sex a learning curve all the time until you get accustomed to the person's enjoyment and techniques? It can be a learning curve but it depends on what people are looking for. You just might not be compatible. How have you been discriminated against?" I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures. | |||
"I have Aspergers and I have been discriminated against so many times. I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures. Some people, on the spectrum, just need a small point in the right direction. Hey, do this. But many people get ****** *** because they're not getting what they want and they're expecting it to happen smoothly. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't sex a learning curve all the time until you get accustomed to the person's enjoyment and techniques? It can be a learning curve but it depends on what people are looking for. You just might not be compatible. How have you been discriminated against? I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures." Ignore them. If they are so rude to call you dumb they're clearly pretty shit themselves. X | |||
"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. " 
And omg Spring!!   | |||
" My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. " The forums can be particularly difficult to navigate. It can become the visual equivalent of white noise. | |||
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"I have Aspergers and I have been discriminated against so many times. I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures. Some people, on the spectrum, just need a small point in the right direction. Hey, do this. But many people get ****** *** because they're not getting what they want and they're expecting it to happen smoothly. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't sex a learning curve all the time until you get accustomed to the person's enjoyment and techniques? It can be a learning curve but it depends on what people are looking for. You just might not be compatible. How have you been discriminated against? I have been called dumb because I don't always pick up on facial cues or gestures." Tell me about it! I really don't understand sarcasm unless I know the person well so can cause issues especially on the forums. | |||
"I don't think I should have posted this. " You absolutely should have posted this and there is a lot of support, don't panic and don't over think it and don't panic. You have have a place on the forums just like everybody else. | |||
"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me.
And omg Spring!! "Yep all booked and ready to go.  | |||
"I don't think I should have posted this. " Why do you think that? Quite a few of us have said that we are on the spectrum and that we are able to get meets. I'm not able to offer much in the way of advice. I try not to mask but as someone diagnosed as an adult masking is second nature to me. I do only meet with people that I've clicked with, that I've found easy to talk to (generally via message or text, I don't do phone calls). If I know I'm struggling or am closer to meltdown I may postpone a meet or not head to a club to ensure i don't push myself too mush. | |||
"I don't think I should have posted this. " I’m glad you did, the best way to become a welcomed part of a greater society is to raise the profile of AS and conversations like this help so much | |||
"I don't think I should have posted this. I’m glad you did, the best way to become a welcomed part of a greater society is to raise the profile of AS and conversations like this help so much " Hopefully some will take the time to do a bit of research to try and understand. | |||
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"Yes. They are no different to anyone else. We all have a touch of autism/Aspergers within us. I’m deaf, would you not meet me?" No they don't, it's a common misunderstanding. | |||
"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism. " | |||
"Would you meet somebody who has Aspergers? " If I found them attractive, yes. I was with someone who has aspergers for 18 years. | |||
"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism. "So much this. On the whole people are well meaning but it drives me nuts when I do tell people and may say "I'd never have known you seem so normal)   | |||
" On the whole people are well meaning but it drives me nuts when I do tell people and may say "I'd never have known you seem so normal) "Or..... they stare at you not understanding what you're trying to say, then just walk away under their assumption that you're just crazy. | |||
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" On the whole people are well meaning but it drives me nuts when I do tell people and may say "I'd never have known you seem so normal)
Or..... they stare at you not understanding what you're trying to say, then just walk away under their assumption that you're just crazy."Oh yes the whole you haven't reacted in a way I was expecting so you must be crazy. | |||
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"Hidden disability is more common than people think, but how long will it take before its accepted? "70% of all disability in the UK is "hidden" I actually don't like the term hidden I prefer less obvious. | |||
"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. " Please could you explain more ? | |||
"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. Please could you explain more ? " What would you like explaining? | |||
"I am on the spectrum (I don't use the term the OP has and it's no longer used as a clinical diagnosis due to the problematic nature of Hans Asperger's work). I've had no problems with meeting people, I'm open about my diagnosis now but for a long time I wasn't. Yes most of my friends are ND, but I'm married to a NT man. (Incidentally a large number of people on the BDSM scene are ND far higher than the population average) " Yes I have observed that myself in the BDSM scene. I have met several guys from Fab who I recognised were on the spectrum. I think online “dating” is easier for people to make connections if they find face to face meetings with strangers a trial. | |||
"I don't think I should have posted this. You absolutely should have posted this and there is a lot of support, don't panic and don't over think it and don't panic. You have have a place on the forums just like everybody else. " | |||
"I am on the spectrum (I don't use the term the OP has and it's no longer used as a clinical diagnosis due to the problematic nature of Hans Asperger's work). I've had no problems with meeting people, I'm open about my diagnosis now but for a long time I wasn't. Yes most of my friends are ND, but I'm married to a NT man. (Incidentally a large number of people on the BDSM scene are ND far higher than the population average) Yes I have observed that myself in the BDSM scene. I have met several guys from Fab who I recognised were on the spectrum. I think online “dating” is easier for people to make connections if they find face to face meetings with strangers a trial." This is true. Non Neuro typicals do well until it's time to meet face to face. | |||
"I don't think I should have posted this. You absolutely should have posted this and there is a lot of support, don't panic and don't over think it and don't panic. You have have a place on the forums just like everybody else. "Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. | |||
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"Yep. Sod the idea that ND people can't function face to face, are incapable of socially interacting, *insert years of awful, belittling stereotyping*. It might mean that you explain certain things and do you know something? Not once has it been an issue. In fact, people are quite accommodating, happy to meet me. (Obviously people are entitled to meet who they wish and that's never in question)" We'd meet ya *kissy face emoji* | |||
"What do you think it is about your Aspergers that makes you unmeetable? Most people haven't a clue what Aspergers is and only know of stereotypes about autism.
So much this.
On the whole people are well meaning but it drives me nuts when I do tell people and may say "I'd never have known you seem so normal) "This is why I wouldn't meet someone who made a point of mentioning it. I say stupid shit all the time, I have a piss take sense of humour. I'd most probably offend the person and then dig an even deeper hole trying to apologise. It's my problem, not theirs. They'd be much better off not meeting me. | |||
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"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. Please could you explain more ? What would you like explaining?" What your comment ment ? | |||
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"I am on the spectrum (I don't use the term the OP has and it's no longer used as a clinical diagnosis due to the problematic nature of Hans Asperger's work). I've had no problems with meeting people, I'm open about my diagnosis now but for a long time I wasn't. Yes most of my friends are ND, but I'm married to a NT man. (Incidentally a large number of people on the BDSM scene are ND far higher than the population average) " I 100% agree with your last paragraph. | |||
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"I know that very feeling , it’s extremely hard, including knowing when people are joking or not , especially when you can’t see a facial expression, I don’t like knowing that I have Aspergers as it’s a hidden disability, everyone I know doesn’t think I have which is great. I just carry on with life as normal and don’t think about it My goodness communication when you can't see someone's face is almost impossible and I often end up seeing things particularly on the forum very differently to most others and it has got me in trouble occasionally but I just carry on being me. Please could you explain more ? What would you like explaining? What your comment ment ? " I don't think I can explain any further. I seem to see things things differently to many others is what I ment. And when you can't see someone's facial expression ob body language it is difficult to know the intent of the comment. | |||
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"Yes. They are no different to anyone else. We all have a touch of autism/Aspergers within us. I’m deaf, would you not meet me?" and am partially sighted so would that put a man off to meet me if i told him before our meet. | |||
"I only stick by one rule when meeting people. Does their shit go with my shit? (shit = stuff, foybles, idiosyncrasy's) I found it a load more easier and less stress thinking like that really. " | |||
"Yes. They are no different to anyone else. We all have a touch of autism/Aspergers within us. I’m deaf, would you not meet me? and am partially sighted so would that put a man off to meet me if i told him before our meet. " I'd find it a plus! 'Oh thank fuck'  | |||
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"I’m on the spectrum so obviously I’d have no issues meeting someone similar but the problem I come up against is that the vast majority of people want “good craic”, “banter”, easy flowing conversations and that is very difficult for someone like me." This. Completely resonate with that statement. Listening to neurotypicals go through the "Hello. Hello. How are you ? I'm fine. How are you ? I'm fine" routine puzzles the heck out of me. I'm there listening in and thinking to myself, "George has opened with a classic, non-threatening gambit. Fred has a number of options here. He can retort with a "I'm alright, and you?" play and keep it safe, or he can tip the scales with "Flipping knackered, mate", and exhort a sympathetic response from George.” Fred goes for the "knackered mate" strategy and now he's in control of the field, closing off George's options and reducing them to either an empathic "Aw, sorry to hear that, Fred" or a "I know the feeling, fella". What does George do ? It's all riding on his response and this is nail-biting stuff. Oh my word...George pulls a blinder of a move, "Let's go for a pint". Well played sir, well played. Completely seizes the self-pity narrative from Fred, but soothes the treacherous manoeuvre with an olive branch of a mutual pint, and Fred falls for it hook, line and sinker. Then they turn to me and ask "Do you want a pint?" and the whole conversation they just had goes through my head in the flash of an eye, including the expected responses, and I say "Only 1% of a fart actually smells. The other 99% is compromised of nitrogen, hydrogen, methane, carbon dioxide and oxygen. All of which have no odour. It's when the sulphur in the foods we eat (dairy produce, many brassic vegetables) comes out do we smell the fart itself", and they look at me like I'm weird or something. | |||
"I’m on the spectrum so obviously I’d have no issues meeting someone similar but the problem I come up against is that the vast majority of people want “good craic”, “banter”, easy flowing conversations and that is very difficult for someone like me. This. Completely resonate with that statement. Listening to neurotypicals go through the "Hello. Hello. How are you ? I'm fine. How are you ? I'm fine" routine puzzles the heck out of me. I'm there listening in and thinking to myself, "George has opened with a classic, non-threatening gambit. Fred has a number of options here. He can retort with a "I'm alright, and you?" play and keep it safe, or he can tip the scales with "Flipping knackered, mate", and exhort a sympathetic response from George.” Fred goes for the "knackered mate" strategy and now he's in control of the field, closing off George's options and reducing them to either an empathic "Aw, sorry to hear that, Fred" or a "I know the feeling, fella". What does George do ? It's all riding on his response and this is nail-biting stuff. Oh my word...George pulls a blinder of a move, "Let's go for a pint". Well played sir, well played. Completely seizes the self-pity narrative from Fred, but soothes the treacherous manoeuvre with an olive branch of a mutual pint, and Fred falls for it hook, line and sinker. Then they turn to me and ask "Do you want a pint?" and the whole conversation they just had goes through my head in the flash of an eye, including the expected responses, and I say "Only 1% of a fart actually smells. The other 99% is compromised of nitrogen, hydrogen, methane, carbon dioxide and oxygen. All of which have no odour. It's when the sulphur in the foods we eat (dairy produce, many brassic vegetables) comes out do we smell the fart itself", and they look at me like I'm weird or something. " I'm sorry but this made me giggle, purely because this is exactly what I think a facsimile of Mr KC's brain would be. Except substitute the fart bit for some facts on astrophysics or English Civil War. Am I weird that I don't find it at all weird?! | |||
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" I'm sorry but this made me giggle, purely because this is exactly what I think a facsimile of Mr KC's brain would be. Except substitute the fart bit for some facts on astrophysics or English Civil War. Am I weird that I don't find it at all weird?! " Mr KC sounds awesome as do you for not finding it weird. Mrs DS is very understanding too and usually says "Yes, Dear" (It's a "running joke" between us, and I use it often enough when she has similar outpourings. But she's the balancing extrovert to my introvert, which is why it works ) | |||
" I'm sorry but this made me giggle, purely because this is exactly what I think a facsimile of Mr KC's brain would be. Except substitute the fart bit for some facts on astrophysics or English Civil War. Am I weird that I don't find it at all weird?! Mr KC sounds awesome as do you for not finding it weird. Mrs DS is very understanding too and usually says "Yes, Dear" (It's a "running joke" between us, and I use it often enough when she has similar outpourings. But she's the balancing extrovert to my introvert, which is why it works )" We've been together a long time, since our late teens. We're yin and yang and it works pretty well. We're similar on the introvert/extrovert thing too. And yes, Mr KC is fucking awesome
I'm sure you guys are fucking awesome too! | |||
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"I’m on the spectrum so obviously I’d have no issues meeting someone similar but the problem I come up against is that the vast majority of people want “good craic”, “banter”, easy flowing conversations and that is very difficult for someone like me. This. Completely resonate with that statement. Listening to neurotypicals go through the "Hello. Hello. How are you ? I'm fine. How are you ? I'm fine" routine puzzles the heck out of me. I'm there listening in and thinking to myself, "George has opened with a classic, non-threatening gambit. Fred has a number of options here. He can retort with a "I'm alright, and you?" play and keep it safe, or he can tip the scales with "Flipping knackered, mate", and exhort a sympathetic response from George.” Fred goes for the "knackered mate" strategy and now he's in control of the field, closing off George's options and reducing them to either an empathic "Aw, sorry to hear that, Fred" or a "I know the feeling, fella". What does George do ? It's all riding on his response and this is nail-biting stuff. Oh my word...George pulls a blinder of a move, "Let's go for a pint". Well played sir, well played. Completely seizes the self-pity narrative from Fred, but soothes the treacherous manoeuvre with an olive branch of a mutual pint, and Fred falls for it hook, line and sinker. Then they turn to me and ask "Do you want a pint?" and the whole conversation they just had goes through my head in the flash of an eye, including the expected responses, and I say "Only 1% of a fart actually smells. The other 99% is compromised of nitrogen, hydrogen, methane, carbon dioxide and oxygen. All of which have no odour. It's when the sulphur in the foods we eat (dairy produce, many brassic vegetables) comes out do we smell the fart itself", and they look at me like I'm weird or something. " This. is. pure. brilliance | |||
"I’m on the spectrum so obviously I’d have no issues meeting someone similar but the problem I come up against is that the vast majority of people want “good craic”, “banter”, easy flowing conversations and that is very difficult for someone like me. This. Completely resonate with that statement. Listening to neurotypicals go through the "Hello. Hello. How are you ? I'm fine. How are you ? I'm fine" routine puzzles the heck out of me. I'm there listening in and thinking to myself, "George has opened with a classic, non-threatening gambit. Fred has a number of options here. He can retort with a "I'm alright, and you?" play and keep it safe, or he can tip the scales with "Flipping knackered, mate", and exhort a sympathetic response from George.” Fred goes for the "knackered mate" strategy and now he's in control of the field, closing off George's options and reducing them to either an empathic "Aw, sorry to hear that, Fred" or a "I know the feeling, fella". What does George do ? It's all riding on his response and this is nail-biting stuff. Oh my word...George pulls a blinder of a move, "Let's go for a pint". Well played sir, well played. Completely seizes the self-pity narrative from Fred, but soothes the treacherous manoeuvre with an olive branch of a mutual pint, and Fred falls for it hook, line and sinker. Then they turn to me and ask "Do you want a pint?" and the whole conversation they just had goes through my head in the flash of an eye, including the expected responses, and I say "Only 1% of a fart actually smells. The other 99% is compromised of nitrogen, hydrogen, methane, carbon dioxide and oxygen. All of which have no odour. It's when the sulphur in the foods we eat (dairy produce, many brassic vegetables) comes out do we smell the fart itself", and they look at me like I'm weird or something. " Perfectly put, replace Fart with my interests and the conversation flows in the same way. I'm NOT weird, my brain is wired differently | |||
"Yes. They are no different to anyone else. We all have a touch of autism/Aspergers within us. I’m deaf, would you not meet me? and am partially sighted so would that put a man off to meet me if i told him before our meet. " It shouldn’t , everyone deserves fun in life , but it’s what’s inside that matters most x | |||
"I’m on the spectrum so obviously I’d have no issues meeting someone similar but the problem I come up against is that the vast majority of people want “good craic”, “banter”, easy flowing conversations and that is very difficult for someone like me. This. Completely resonate with that statement. Listening to neurotypicals go through the "Hello. Hello. How are you ? I'm fine. How are you ? I'm fine" routine puzzles the heck out of me. I'm there listening in and thinking to myself, "George has opened with a classic, non-threatening gambit. Fred has a number of options here. He can retort with a "I'm alright, and you?" play and keep it safe, or he can tip the scales with "Flipping knackered, mate", and exhort a sympathetic response from George.” Fred goes for the "knackered mate" strategy and now he's in control of the field, closing off George's options and reducing them to either an empathic "Aw, sorry to hear that, Fred" or a "I know the feeling, fella". What does George do ? It's all riding on his response and this is nail-biting stuff. Oh my word...George pulls a blinder of a move, "Let's go for a pint". Well played sir, well played. Completely seizes the self-pity narrative from Fred, but soothes the treacherous manoeuvre with an olive branch of a mutual pint, and Fred falls for it hook, line and sinker. Then they turn to me and ask "Do you want a pint?" and the whole conversation they just had goes through my head in the flash of an eye, including the expected responses, and I say "Only 1% of a fart actually smells. The other 99% is compromised of nitrogen, hydrogen, methane, carbon dioxide and oxygen. All of which have no odour. It's when the sulphur in the foods we eat (dairy produce, many brassic vegetables) comes out do we smell the fart itself", and they look at me like I'm weird or something. " I love this. This is how my brain works also. | |||
