FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Message responses
Message responses
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
You know the drill. You’ve read a profile you meet all the requirements location is good, you compose a witty appropriate message and attach your best pics what’s the worst response ?
1 Message stubbornly unread for weeks
2 Message opened no reply
3 A polite no thank you reply
4 Message deleted
Of course I’ve had all the above !! |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"you think you meet all the requirements"
Just because you think you may be a good match doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual.
Never expect a response to a message and you won’t get disappointed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we message, we don't tend to check back to see whether opened, read, delete or what.
Once it's left us, landed in anothers inbox, it's no longer our business until we receive a reply.
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"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating. "
Good plan.
Personally, of the list, I'd find opened and not replied the most irritating but I also don't expect anything in return from anyone just because I've sent them a message.
LvM |
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For me, the worst is when they don't even read your message. Sometimes they delete it unread; sometimes it remains unread for so long it falls off Fab's servers (I believe this happens after a month). Either way, this creates uncertainty and just leaves me hanging, which I find far worse than rejection.
If they read it and delete it, or read it and don't reply, that's a clear rejection. That's completely fine; nobody owes me a response.
A polite no thank you is nice, but can be awkward; I always want to thank them for actually replying, but that might seem like I'm disrespecting their decision and trying to engage them in conversation. |
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You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"For me, the worst is when they don't even read your message. Sometimes they delete it unread; sometimes it remains unread for so long it falls off Fab's servers (I believe this happens after a month). Either way, this creates uncertainty and just leaves me hanging, which I find far worse than rejection.
If they read it and delete it, or read it and don't reply, that's a clear rejection. That's completely fine; nobody owes me a response.
A polite no thank you is nice, but can be awkward; I always want to thank them for actually replying, but that might seem like I'm disrespecting their decision and trying to engage them in conversation. "
It’s a real dilemma |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"You know the drill. You’ve read a profile you meet all the requirements location is good, you compose a witty appropriate message and attach your best pics what’s the worst response ? !!"
I would never follow a drill like that. Most the people I’ve met on here I’m outside their age range and hours away. If I like someone enough to message them , I put the effort in, am very careful with wit it can be hard to get in messages, acknowledge the age / distance barriers and they usually reply, doesn’t always lead to a meet, but often a good conversation at least. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One of the dating websites works very well where the women message first.
My inbox there isn’t full of messages from people I’m not interested in, the guys aren’t constantly meaning about being unread/ignored and the conversations are flowing on both sides. It works a treat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me. "
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
"
Yeah, receiving a message from someone you have zero interest in does nothing for ego. Womens inboxes are full to the brim anyway |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"One of the dating websites works very well where the women message first.
My inbox there isn’t full of messages from people I’m not interested in, the guys aren’t constantly meaning about being unread/ignored and the conversations are flowing on both sides. It works a treat "
Glad that works for you xxx |
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Knowing how many messages women get I am more amazed I’m able to catch their eye enough to reply… if they don’t I don’t take it personally… it is what it is…
I do know some who open and show as unread and come back to me a day or so later as that’s the way they keep messages they won’t to reply to … what ever works for them… not here to spit my dummy out tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
Yeah, receiving a message from someone you have zero interest in does nothing for ego. Womens inboxes are full to the brim anyway "
is it really that bad for women on here ? |
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"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating. "
Doesn’t that then delete the sent one for the people you sent it to? Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating. "
This is the best piece of advice any man can be given on FAB (apart from “don’t act like an entitled cock-womble”). |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
"
No wonder you are so popular xx incredible xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating.
Doesn’t that then delete the sent one for the people you sent it to? Lol."
No, it just deletes it your end |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating.
This is the best piece of advice any man can be given on FAB (apart from “don’t act like an entitled cock-womble”). "
Always best to avoid being a cock Womble !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
No wonder you are so popular xx incredible xxxxx"
Thank you.
I don’t get that many messages. My point was, it isn’t an ego boost to get messages, men will message lots of women, regardless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating.
Doesn’t that then delete the sent one for the people you sent it to? Lol."
It makes the history very confusing  |
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"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating.
Doesn’t that then delete the sent one for the people you sent it to? Lol.
It makes the history very confusing "
Fan does it anyway after a month or so  You can only read your message history with what the other person has said for some reason 
LvM |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
No wonder you are so popular xx incredible xxxxx
Thank you.
I don’t get that many messages. My point was, it isn’t an ego boost to get messages, men will message lots of women, regardless. "
I tend to be very selective in who I message xx the chosen few !! In my dreams xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"you think you meet all the requirements
Just because you think you may be a good match doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual.
Never expect a response to a message and you won’t get disappointed."
And just to add to this ... Even if they do reply, they might just be being polite, or have liked the conversation
I never make assumptions about the people I'm chatting with... If you are a good conversationalist then chances are you will chat fairly easily.. But that could be all it is.. Interesting Conversation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Delete every message after you send it and then you won't be able to see if it has been read or not and it will be much less frustrating.
Doesn’t that then delete the sent one for the people you sent it to? Lol.
It makes the history very confusing
Fan does it anyway after a month or so You can only read your message history with what the other person has said for some reason
LvM"
It's made for some hilarious moments  |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"you think you meet all the requirements
Just because you think you may be a good match doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual.
Never expect a response to a message and you won’t get disappointed.
And just to add to this ... Even if they do reply, they might just be being polite, or have liked the conversation
I never make assumptions about the people I'm chatting with... If you are a good conversationalist then chances are you will chat fairly easily.. But that could be all it is.. Interesting Conversation "
Yes and I do love interesting conversations xxx |
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"For me, the worst is when they don't even read your message. Sometimes they delete it unread; sometimes it remains unread for so long it falls off Fab's servers (I believe this happens after a month). Either way, this creates uncertainty and just leaves me hanging, which I find far worse than rejection.
If they read it and delete it, or read it and don't reply, that's a clear rejection. That's completely fine; nobody owes me a response.
A polite no thank you is nice, but can be awkward; I always want to thank them for actually replying, but that might seem like I'm disrespecting their decision and trying to engage them in conversation.
It’s a real dilemma "
I think the most ethical solution is to take me and my feelings out of the equation altogether. Sure, I feel a little bad about not saying thank you, but they'd feel worse that the random internet bloke they'd just rejected was still trying to make conversation.
I now try to take the hit and move on. It's better than making someone else feel uncomfortable. Women have a shitty enough time on here as it is. |
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"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
"
Receiving the messages may not be an ego boost but being able to display screenshots of hundreds of unread messages has definitely become a "thing" on here recently. It has become a measure of how popular some people believe themselves to be and on threads where some complain about having 200 unread messages and not being able to keep up others have dismissed those figures and said that's nothing I've got 500.
It really has become a variation on the sky remote approach to be able to show how big your inbox is. |
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"You know the drill. You’ve read a profile you meet all the requirements location is good, you compose a witty appropriate message and attach your best pics what’s the worst response ?
1 Message stubbornly unread for weeks
2 Message opened no reply
3 A polite no thank you reply
4 Message deleted
Of course I’ve had all the above !!"
Worst is the delete when you hit all criteria and send specific message.
Best is a simple no not for me |
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"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me. "
Who could be arsed with that? There are some odd folks out there.
If I read a message and then mark it unread it means I am reminding myself to respond when I have time/energy to do so. I don't want it to get lost in the inbox and that's an easy way to flag it.
If I'm not interested I will either say so or I'll just delete (these days more often the latter).
I can't understand a woman on here wanting to have unread messages from people they aren't interested in - it's not any sort of ego boost to me and feels like a lot of effort for no payoff.
I send a chunk of first messages out but I'm not sitting waiting on a response. If I hear back then brilliant, if I don't then I'm not what they're looking for and it's not a big deal. I don't block for no response, but I do make a note on their profile so I don't hassle them a second time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont chase women i let them chase me i find it much easier that way i may send a wink i may send a message but if i send a message its normally due to a comical status not generally to climb into there lady bums |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I dont chase women i let them chase me i find it much easier that way i may send a wink i may send a message but if i send a message its normally due to a comical status not generally to climb into there lady bums "
How’s that working out for you ? Lol |
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By *r.SJMan
over a year ago
Wellingborough |
"For me, the worst is when they don't even read your message. Sometimes they delete it unread; sometimes it remains unread for so long it falls off Fab's servers (I believe this happens after a month). Either way, this creates uncertainty and just leaves me hanging, which I find far worse than rejection.
If they read it and delete it, or read it and don't reply, that's a clear rejection. That's completely fine; nobody owes me a response.
A polite no thank you is nice, but can be awkward; I always want to thank them for actually replying, but that might seem like I'm disrespecting their decision and trying to engage them in conversation. "
Exactly this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just getting a reply should be nice haha
Tbh though I see that as enough not getting reply, it means they aren't interested, and they're probably not that nice a person anyway (people with manner tend to reply, even if to say "sorry not for me").
So no reply etc is good info for you. Still, striking conversation is hard work, even if you don't really wanna meet and just wanna chat |
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"I dont chase women i let them chase me i find it much easier that way i may send a wink i may send a message but if i send a message its normally due to a comical status not generally to climb into there lady bums "
I haven't sent a first contact message to anyone here since Feb 2020.
Every single conversation since has been initiated by women or couples who either like something in my profile or something I've said in the forums.
At least half of those have said they have never been the one to message first but they felt confident in doing so.
It's not about chasing or being chased but more about finding people on the same page and similar paths. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know the drill. You’ve read a profile you meet all the requirements location is good, you compose a witty appropriate message and attach your best pics what’s the worst response ?
1 Message stubbornly unread for weeks
2 Message opened no reply
3 A polite no thank you reply
4 Message deleted
Of course I’ve had all the above !!"
Unless a message is rude/abusive or just bloody lazy, I reply. Even if someone is nearby and fits my criteria - I still might not fancy them. I don't say that, of course - that would be unnecessarily rude.
Recently I've noticed that men despite being ignored + deleted for a "hi" message or sent a no thanks - keep messaging week after week. Often the same message each time.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You know the drill. You’ve read a profile you meet all the requirements location is good, you compose a witty appropriate message and attach your best pics what’s the worst response ?
1 Message stubbornly unread for weeks
2 Message opened no reply
3 A polite no thank you reply
4 Message deleted
Of course I’ve had all the above !!"
The worst response is one that gives you nothing to keep the conversation going with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me. "
This isn't actually always the case. This may give you a little hope ...
Women are inundated as you know and some have been forced into a practice of marking messages as unread because guys who see that a message has been read, but with no reply, either become annoyingly persistent or even abusive. I have seen this first hand. Therefore, women sometimes mark potentially interesting messages as unread as a shorthand for "to get back to later". |
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"You e forgotten the 5th option
Opened, read, then masked as unread so it still looks like haven’t opened it
This is the worst to me because it means that they didn’t like me, but liked the attention and ego boost of getting messages. So they pretend to have not opened it so they can keep getting that boost
Anything other than a positive reply is met with a block now from me.
That is a very cynical view. I read and mark most of my messages as unread, so I can consider if I’m going to reply, and what I’m going to say.
If it’s marked unread it takes the pressure off to reply. Sometimes if you don’t reply quickly enough, you can get an unkind follow up.
I’m not sure how messages are classed as an ego boost, I got several hundred messages when I first joined, with no pic or bio.
"
We only reply to messages when we've both read messages and viewed profile. So if only Jessica or I have read a message it gets marked as unread. It has nothing to do with ego's, it's practicality as we lead busy lives away from fab. If it means you block us you are only a throwing away what may of been a potential future meet as it may be a few weeks before we check mails together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont chase women i let them chase me i find it much easier that way i may send a wink i may send a message but if i send a message its normally due to a comical status not generally to climb into there lady bums
How’s that working out for you ? Lol "
works out perfectly always has done |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"You know the drill. You’ve read a profile you meet all the requirements location is good, you compose a witty appropriate message and attach your best pics what’s the worst response ?
1 Message stubbornly unread for weeks
2 Message opened no reply
3 A polite no thank you reply
4 Message deleted
Of course I’ve had all the above !!
The worst response is one that gives you nothing to keep the conversation going with. "
I’d make sure my replies kept you fully engaged!!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"'Just kill yourself already' was a particular highlight when it arrived in my inbox.
  That's awful"
As someone who is fat, bald, ginger and with glasses, I was a little disappointed with their lack of imagination when they had so much to work with. |
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