FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I will not do that again.
I will not do that again.
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A few weeks ago a guy started a forum thread asking how to get verified as he was struggling without verifications. He lived not too far away from me so I offered to meet him for a coffee and chat which then would enable me to verify him. We have kept in touch and were meeting today for that coffee. Guess what?. He came up with a lame excuse 30mins before we were due to meet. No apology just a six worded message. I had already by this time left to meet him. So annoying when I was trying to do someone a good turn to help them along. |
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I was late for a first meet once, but i had driven 30-some miles to get there, got stuck behind a dead car in the leeds underpass tunnel thing, and then not been able to find the restaurant. But as soon as the first delay occurred I did phone (car hands free set), kept in touch throughout, and was eventually only about ten minutes late. Apologised profusely and had a lovely meal which has led to a long lasting (though platonic) friendship. |
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"Wow.. Do you think they just get stage fright??
Perhaps he looked into his other-half’s eyes ans felt a twinge of guilt   ."
Who knows. I was only trying to be helpful but once again I was let down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A few weeks ago a guy started a forum thread asking how to get verified as he was struggling without verifications. He lived not too far away from me so I offered to meet him for a coffee and chat which then would enable me to verify him. We have kept in touch and were meeting today for that coffee. Guess what?. He came up with a lame excuse 30mins before we were due to meet. No apology just a six worded message. I had already by this time left to meet him. So annoying when I was trying to do someone a good turn to help them along. "
Why oh why would anyone stand you up
Bullet dodged I’d say  |
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what a prat he must be,,, he had the chance to meet a lovely sexy lady who could have become a good friend and to open so many doors for future fun,,, some guys just do not know when a gift horse looks them in the eyes,,, HIS LOSS |
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By *eachcplCouple
over a year ago
blackpool/preston/normandy france |
We had a guy who invited us to his house for a 3some after we exchanged a few messages and spoke to him on the phone and who seemed genuinely interested. We got ready and arrived at the arranged time to find all the curtains closed, which we were ok with, but he wouldn't open the door to let us in. He was obviously in the house so we left feeling really let down. When we messaged him after we got back home he said he had forgotten we were coming despite only speaking to him 2 hours earlier. It is guys like him who give single males a bad press. Plenty more like him around. |
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"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
"
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He said trains were cancelled due to strike. The strike has been on for 6months now with no Sunday service. Even I knew that and I am a driver. I thought he was driving too."
Perhaps he was going to drive but had a car issue and tried to get the train so he didn't let you down. |
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"He said trains were cancelled due to strike. The strike has been on for 6months now with no Sunday service. Even I knew that and I am a driver. I thought he was driving too.
Perhaps he was going to drive but had a car issue and tried to get the train so he didn't let you down. "
Maybe but an apology would have been nice. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him "
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though. |
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"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though. "
So? What’s your point? |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point? "
I think I've made it
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point? "
A verification
 |
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"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point?
I think I've made it
"
I must have missed it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though. "
So he's not allowed to have a life? Maybe his mum died or his kid is in hospital. A quick text may be all he could manage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point?
I think I've made it
I must have missed it "
I think you were too busy looking for man bashing that wasn’t there. |
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Of course he could cancel at short notice if there was an emergency etc, but he’d also know how that would look and, purely from my point of view, I’d be quite keen to show that I had little choice and be very apologetic as a courtesy. |
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"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point?
I think I've made it
I must have missed it
I think you were too busy looking for man bashing that wasn’t there."
I don’t expect you to be able to see it when your part of it |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So he's not allowed to have a life? Maybe his mum died or his kid is in hospital. A quick text may be all he could manage. "
Who said he couldn't have a life?!
If course he can, but it's manners to apologise to someone going out of their way to do you a good turn.
I'd say same if it was a woman letting a man down too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So he's not allowed to have a life? Maybe his mum died or his kid is in hospital. A quick text may be all he could manage.
Who said he couldn't have a life?!
If course he can, but it's manners to apologise to someone going out of their way to do you a good turn.
I'd say same if it was a woman letting a man down too.
"
People are always saying on here just move on to the next person without a thought to them as a human being.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to move away from the original post but can verifications be used for that reason, I always thought it was for sex-related interactions only."
Fuck advisor? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to move away from the original post but can verifications be used for that reason, I always thought it was for sex-related interactions only.
Fuck advisor? "
 |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
Wow that's pretty bad really. Even if the person had to cancel, I would of thought a better explanation would be given. But at least you got a message. Some people may not be considerate to leave a message at all. I've been there and it's soul destroying. Sorry it happen to you though |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"Sorry to move away from the original post but can verifications be used for that reason, I always thought it was for sex-related interactions only."
Doesn't have to be sex related. It can be used for socials to say you've met that person and interacted with him/ her. I verified someone I went out for a drink at a pub. The verification will reflect how it went depending on what you write about them or they write about you. Hope that makes sense |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point?
I think I've made it
I must have missed it
I think you were too busy looking for man bashing that wasn’t there."
Intent of man bashing may not be there but it doesn't change the fact that the above is correct.
Regardless of it being a very nice thing that the OP was doing, that doesn't change the fact that nobody truely knows what came up and responses would most certainly be in favour of the woman if she had cancelled on a man.
You just have to look at the ass kissing responses from the men on the thread. I could not give a fuck how attractive somebody may be, if something comes up and I have to cancel then I will. Just as I would take in to account that it may not be in their control if they had to cancel on me.
A more apologetic message would be nice, but again there are reasons why a very brief one may be the case. He could have just not let her know at all. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"Genuine reason or not to cancel, if he can’t meet a stranger for a coffee how will he meet a stranger for sex?? He won’t is probably the answer lol"
By not having a genuine reason come up and cause a conflict of priorities.
I've had things come up and get in the way when I've had plans to meet friends and family before. I've still managed to meet up with them and other people again in future when nothing has come up.
Its not that difficult of a concept to grasp really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him
She was meeting him as a favour so he could get a verification though.
So? What’s your point?
I think I've made it
I must have missed it
I think you were too busy looking for man bashing that wasn’t there.
Intent of man bashing may not be there but it doesn't change the fact that the above is correct.
Regardless of it being a very nice thing that the OP was doing, that doesn't change the fact that nobody truely knows what came up and responses would most certainly be in favour of the woman if she had cancelled on a man.
You just have to look at the ass kissing responses from the men on the thread. I could not give a fuck how attractive somebody may be, if something comes up and I have to cancel then I will. Just as I would take in to account that it may not be in their control if they had to cancel on me.
A more apologetic message would be nice, but again there are reasons why a very brief one may be the case. He could have just not let her know at all."
The reason why I don’t think it’s man bashing, is because I think responses would have been similar if it was a woman, mine certainly would have been. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had a guy who invited us to his house for a 3some after we exchanged a few messages and spoke to him on the phone and who seemed genuinely interested. We got ready and arrived at the arranged time to find all the curtains closed, which we were ok with, but he wouldn't open the door to let us in. He was obviously in the house so we left feeling really let down. When we messaged him after we got back home he said he had forgotten we were coming despite only speaking to him 2 hours earlier. It is guys like him who give single males a bad press. Plenty more like him around. "
He must have had a bad case of amnesia … weirdo!!! |
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"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Or perhaps he was a timewaster "
Exactly that I expect! How annoying ! X |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"Yep just another example of the minority spoiling it for the genuine males on here.
"
It's not a minority though, that's the problem. It's a vast proportion of people on here. And it makes fab so very frustrating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The thing that is annoying is that even if you leave someone an honest, negative verification it can be hidden and used as a positive one.
I report to the site as a no shower now |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"What were the 6 words?
Perhaps he had a real life emergency or something terrible happened and he's not feeling strong enough to explain.
Let’s reverse the genders on this thread
“Well she doesn’t owe you a meet”
“It’s her right to cancel whenever for whatever reason”
“Maybe you did something to creep her out”
You made plans and he cancelled. Lots of people so it, especially guys. But no one knows the truth behind his actions and because it’s a guy everyone jumps on bashing him "
No offence… regardless the situation and who is doing what… only giving 30 minutes notice is kinda shitty, especially if the message is only 6 words long!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And you're someone who regularly features on page one of hot pics. It's crazy!!!
I've had far more no shows and cancellations than actual meets from here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bluebell I think what you were planning to do was very nice, don't let the experience from this occasion put you off offering these socials again.
It's disappointing when a plan doesn't materialise, that is all it was at the end of the day....an agreed plan. Circumstances do change in people's personal lives and even minds can be changed. He just like you had the right to change the agreed plan at any point.
Regardless of the number of words in his message, he did contact you. Yes the timing was unfortunate for you as you had left home but he was not to know this. He may have any number of reasons to need to cancel, and quite often whichever one he could have offered to share to extend his 6 word cancellation would appear as an excuse. So he kind of can't do right for doing wrong, therefore a short reply was sufficient in his eyes.
You have a busy life as you say but maybe he does also.
I don't agree with some replies to this thread calling this person all sorts of negative things. One day you or any of these people on the thread may need to change an agreed plan, and let's see if these words resonate towards yourself at that time or would your actions be perfectly justified....?
NBVN x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to move away from the original post but can verifications be used for that reason, I always thought it was for sex-related interactions only."
Lots of people meet socially |
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"Bluebell I think what you were planning to do was very nice, don't let the experience from this occasion put you off offering these socials again.
It's disappointing when a plan doesn't materialise, that is all it was at the end of the day....an agreed plan. Circumstances do change in people's personal lives and even minds can be changed. He just like you had the right to change the agreed plan at any point.
Regardless of the number of words in his message, he did contact you. Yes the timing was unfortunate for you as you had left home but he was not to know this. He may have any number of reasons to need to cancel, and quite often whichever one he could have offered to share to extend his 6 word cancellation would appear as an excuse. So he kind of can't do right for doing wrong, therefore a short reply was sufficient in his eyes.
You have a busy life as you say but maybe he does also.
I don't agree with some replies to this thread calling this person all sorts of negative things. One day you or any of these people on the thread may need to change an agreed plan, and let's see if these words resonate towards yourself at that time or would your actions be perfectly justified....?
NBVN x
"
I fully understand people's circumstances change but he could have said sorry. |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
With the forums constantly full of men moaning about not being able to get verified or get any meets it absolutely astounds me that some won't turn up when they do get a chance. It shows how full of it a lot are and when they finally get some interest they bottle it. OP it was a very generous thing to do it's a shame it has now put you off doing a good deed again. |
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Don't let this put you off Belle, learn from the experience and move on. Don't waste any more valuable time and energy thinking about his missed opportunity. Dust yourself off and carry on being kind x x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, as a newbie (who's still an unknown and probably counted amongst the potential time-wasters) I'm also sorry to hear this happened to you.. That was a great thing you offered x |
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"Ach maybe he bottled it because he was hoping the first time he met someone wasn't as functional as what you were offering "
Maybe but he knew that from the start. If that was not what he wanted then he should have been man enough to say and I would have understood. |
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It’s totally rude and unacceptable. Of course there could have been a huge disaster happen to him right before the meet that meant he couldn’t come and couldn’t give more than a 6 word message. It might have. But it’s unlikely. I think more likely he chickened out and has no manners.
I want to also comment on all the reassuring comments that people have made saying how gorgeous the OP is. She absolutely is, no question, but that is irrelevant here. Even if the OP wasn’t attractive she still wouldn’t deserve to be stood up. Attractiveness doesn’t determine the level of respect you should expect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He said trains were cancelled due to strike. The strike has been on for 6months now with no Sunday service. Even I knew that and I am a driver. I thought he was driving too."
I was thinking they were.
Stuck in the queue for petrol or My dinghy left Calais without me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, as a newbie (who's still an unknown and probably counted amongst the potential time-wasters) I'm also sorry to hear this happened to you.. That was a great thing you offered x"
Left out that if someone had been this kind to me I'd have walked if needed to the meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A few weeks ago a guy started a forum thread asking how to get verified as he was struggling without verifications. He lived not too far away from me so I offered to meet him for a coffee and chat which then would enable me to verify him. We have kept in touch and were meeting today for that coffee. Guess what?. He came up with a lame excuse 30mins before we were due to meet. No apology just a six worded message. I had already by this time left to meet him. So annoying when I was trying to do someone a good turn to help them along. "
Bluebell..l really do feel for you.. (l would of course love to feel you too but that's a different subject )..but as regards this situation l guess it's the old " no act of kindness goes unpunished "..am so sorry to hear that you had made such a beautiful , kind , helpful gesture and that was your thanks ..l once took time off work ,drove for over an hour to a morning meet , cause it was the best time to suit her , and she never showed up , after saying she would be there before l left, some people just don't give a fuck how their actions affect a person's time in any way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The first social we went to had 25 single guys sign up. Roughly 15 didn't turn up. 1 of the 15 got to the hotel, hooked up and spent the time having sex with two women. As far as I remember the single ladies all turned up and the vast majority of the couples. Most of the events seem that way. Not guy bashing. Just how it is. The single guys who turned up, always turned up.
In our meeting history we have booked hotels and been ghosted by numerous women and couples. We have had people we consider friends not turn up for even social meets. It is the worst feeling. And it's swinging. That's part of the lifestyle
Our first meet was with an amazing woman. she lived 90 min away. We had a great coffee meet with her and planned the date. She burned out and left the lifestyle 7 days before our meet. And it was legitimate. She went from extremely active to monogamy. It was bad luck. But as soon as she knew, we knew. And that story isn't rare in the lifestyle.
I am quitting swinging because I just can't let my self esteem take anymore hits. |
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