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Best jokes…
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
Teacher: Which part of you goes to heaven when you die?
Johnny: Your legs Mrs
Teacher: how did you get that answer Johnny?
Johnny: Well I walked into mum & dad playing wrestling lastnight & she had her legs wide open in the air screaming "Omg I'm coming"   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you count a field of cows?
A cowculator
Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)
Tequila "
Haha! I’ve never heard the cow one, and I’ve heard a lot of jokes, a lot, a lot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you count a field of cows?
A cowculator
Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)
Tequila
Haha! I’ve never heard the cow one, and I’ve heard a lot of jokes, a lot, a lot! "
my grandad taught me it when i was around 7 or 8 few weeks before he died |
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By *91kMan
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.
It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts
Either that or not enough control...
Or maybe, they just wanted more space
Lucky escape?"
Well played sir!
I'll just go and 'delete' my post... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better "
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea"
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.
It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts
Either that or not enough control...
Or maybe, they just wanted more space
Lucky escape?
Well played sir!
I'll just go and 'delete' my post..."
and return to your home? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea."
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea  |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea "
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused sitting next to a wanking snowman?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea as he never saw it cumming. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused sitting next to a wanking snowman?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea as he never saw it cumming."
This is brill...
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka, confused, sitting next to a jizzing snowman, feeling tired?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea, he never saw it coming as he was fatigued. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused sitting next to a wanking snowman?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea as he never saw it cumming.
This is brill...
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka, confused, sitting next to a jizzing snowman, feeling tired?
Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea, he never saw it coming as he was fatigued."
Or if you're a member of the Royal family: venison. |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
A married woman of 10 years goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
She says: "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table."
The doctor says: "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Naah..." she says.
"That's okay. We wouldn't go back to that restaurant anyway!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A dick has it rough. Not only are his closest friends nuts, but his backdoor neighbour’s an arsehole; and if that weren’t enough, he regularly takes a beating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was on the toilet at Asda when I heard a Woman's voice coming through a hole in the wall...
She said "if you pop £10 through the hole I'll suck you off"
I thought yeh I'm having some of that, and shoved a tenner through then my erect cock ....unfortunately the wall was 3 inches thick. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Went to the doctors last week, he said he was really concerned about my weight, I said don’t worry bout it doc, I was only 20 mins and at least the chair never broke"
I went to the doctors last week I told him I feel like I’m falling through a wooden structure , there’s a curtain and a crowd watching , he said not to worry , it’s just a stage you’re going through  |
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By *linyMan
over a year ago
Manchester/London |
"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better "
Are you stocking up on your status quotes?! Ha ha I do enjoy them.
Things I hate:
Lists, cauliflower, arrogance, lists, repetition and lists |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better
Are you stocking up on your status quotes?! Ha ha I do enjoy them.
Things I hate:
Lists, cauliflower, arrogance, lists, repetition and lists "
Yes I am |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What’s the difference between a tuna a pot of glue and a piano?
You can tune a piano but you can’t piano a tuna..
Pause for thought.
What about the glue???
I knew you’d get stuck on that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One I made up for the kids years ago:
What do cows eat for breakfast? Moooesly!
An old favourite:
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flatmate! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One I made up for the kids years ago:
What do cows eat for breakfast? Moooesly!
An old favourite:
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flatmate! "
U made me giggle… even tho the last one I kinda feel like I shouldn’t have 
I love hedgehogssss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.
It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts
Either that or not enough control...
Or maybe, they just wanted more space
Lucky escape?
Well played sir!
I'll just go and 'delete' my post...
and return to your home?"
Enough! Or I’m calling the CAPS! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you hear about the d*unken circumciser? He got the sack!"
Reminds me of the time my Gynaecologist was sacked for drinking at work.
Apparently he was twatted.
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Did you know that the Chinese do actually use knives, forks and spoons?
Not for eating food: that's what chopsticks and ceramic spoons are for. It's to decide what to call their children.
When the child is born, they take their cutlery set out of its case and throw the whole lot into the air. The resulting sounds as the metal crashes against metal mid air, then lands on the hard floor, give them the name... Tin-tan-tong or Duk-Dak-Dink.
I'll get me coat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Did you know that the Chinese do actually use knives, forks and spoons?
Not for eating food: that's what chopsticks and ceramic spoons are for. It's to decide what to call their children.
When the child is born, they take their cutlery set out of its case and throw the whole lot into the air. The resulting sounds as the metal crashes against metal mid air, then lands on the hard floor, give them the name... Tin-tan-tong or Duk-Dak-Dink.
I'll get me coat."
Not only an awful joke, but a racial stereotype as well.
Bravo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man once told me to always leave them wanting more. Unfortunately, he was working in a rationing station.
Why did the weatherman bring a bar soap with him to work? He was predicting showers.
How do you kill a circus clown? Go for the juggler.
I went to the zoo the other day, the only animal they had was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.
How about a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Did you know that the Chinese do actually use knives, forks and spoons?
Not for eating food: that's what chopsticks and ceramic spoons are for. It's to decide what to call their children.
When the child is born, they take their cutlery set out of its case and throw the whole lot into the air. The resulting sounds as the metal crashes against metal mid air, then lands on the hard floor, give them the name... Tin-tan-tong or Duk-Dak-Dink.
I'll get me coat.
Not only an awful joke, but a racial stereotype as well.
Bravo "
Well, if Ting Tong from Tooting from Little Britain is good enogh for the Beeb, then we'll need a deeper barrel to scrape. |
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I went to the jewellers and flopped my cock on the counter in front if the stunning assistant - i said can you fix my clock? She said thats not a clock - its a cock - i said put two hands and a face on it then!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had an accident last night. I was messing around with liquid viagra. It went in my eyes. I know it won’t do anything for my sex life but at least I look hard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not shour it’s a joke
But something I found funny
In my younger years
We would sit inside flats when it rained
Woman that staying in them come out to tell us to scram
One off the group back chatted her
She turns as says
Ooo shut up before I shag your dad and make you my new step child |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not shour it’s a joke
But something I found funny
In my younger years
We would sit inside flats when it rained
Woman that staying in them come out to tell us to scram
One off the group back chatted her
She turns as says
Ooo shut up before I shag your dad and make you my new step child "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not shour it’s a joke
But something I found funny
In my younger years
We would sit inside flats when it rained
Woman that staying in them come out to tell us to scram
One off the group back chatted her
She turns as says
Ooo shut up before I shag your dad and make you my new step child "
Then someone could have chanted
“You flat bastard” |
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"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face..."
patient: DOCTOR! I can't stop bursting into song. But it's always the same songs.
Doctor: tell me which songs you can't stop repeating.
patient Why Why Why Delilah, What's New Pussycat?, Green Green Grass of Home. Lately I've even started singing Sexbomb. What's the matter with me?"
Doctor: "It seems you have Tom Jones' Syndrome..."
Patient: "Is that a common disease?"
Doctor:"It's Not Unusual"
...I'll get me coat |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had an accident last night. I was messing around with liquid viagra. It went in my eyes. I know it won’t do anything for my sex life but at least I look hard"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Here's a daddish. So I walking down the Hugh street other day, saw a TV on sale in the shop window " £10 volume stuck on full" I thought, I can't turn that down."
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"How do you count a field of cows?
A cowculator
Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)
Tequila
Haha! I’ve never heard the cow one, and I’ve heard a lot of jokes, a lot, a lot! "
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off! |
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