FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it better to ask forgiveness than permission?
Is it better to ask forgiveness than permission?
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Or put another way?
It is better to act decisively and apologize for it later rather than to seek approval to act and risk losing the opportunity?
"
But you wouldn’t be sorry if you knowingly did it so why apologise at all ?
It’s best to act decisively after deliberation and not be sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on the act
Not something that is going to be hurt, harm or cause offence to someone
So why would forgiveness or permission be needed ? "
This was my first thought too - surely it never would ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends on the act
Not something that is going to be hurt, harm or cause offence to someone
So why would forgiveness or permission be needed ? "
You can do something for someone that they may of wanted to do themselves but you do it out of an act of kindness.
So would you do it because you see it as a kind thing to do and apologise and give your reasons? Or would you ask them if you can do it for them in the first place? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on the act
Not something that is going to be hurt, harm or cause offence to someone
So why would forgiveness or permission be needed ?
You can do something for someone that they may of wanted to do themselves but you do it out of an act of kindness.
So would you do it because you see it as a kind thing to do and apologise and give your reasons? Or would you ask them if you can do it for them in the first place? "
I'd have thought many people would be offended by that, no ? So yes, ask first in that scenario. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends on the act
Not something that is going to be hurt, harm or cause offence to someone
So why would forgiveness or permission be needed ?
You can do something for someone that they may of wanted to do themselves but you do it out of an act of kindness.
So would you do it because you see it as a kind thing to do and apologise and give your reasons? Or would you ask them if you can do it for them in the first place?
I'd have thought many people would be offended by that, no ? So yes, ask first in that scenario."
People would be offended if you did a kind thing for them? |
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By *ill74Man
over a year ago
New forest area |
"Or put another way?
It is better to act decisively and apologize for it later rather than to seek approval to act and risk losing the opportunity?
"
I assume you have considered consent, in this?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, for me if someone I cared about told me they really wanted to do something I'd very rarely say no if it's in my power to give/alow them and if not I'd like a chance to explain my reasoning behind that, if somone came asking for forgiveness and I knew 100% they had done that thing knowing I would be upset about it but that theyd done it anyway there showing me they don't value my feelings so they'd not find any forgiveness from me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on the act
Not something that is going to be hurt, harm or cause offence to someone
So why would forgiveness or permission be needed ?
You can do something for someone that they may of wanted to do themselves but you do it out of an act of kindness.
So would you do it because you see it as a kind thing to do and apologise and give your reasons? Or would you ask them if you can do it for them in the first place?
I'd have thought many people would be offended by that, no ? So yes, ask first in that scenario.
People would be offended if you did a kind thing for them? "
If you knew they may want to do it for themselves, definitely. Independence and self reliance are very important to some people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No, for me if someone I cared about told me they really wanted to do something I'd very rarely say no if it's in my power to give/alow them and if not I'd like a chance to explain my reasoning behind that, if somone came asking for forgiveness and I knew 100% they had done that thing knowing I would be upset about it but that theyd done it anyway there showing me they don't value my feelings so they'd not find any forgiveness from me "
This is a great answer ^^^  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you want to do something for someone they don't want you to. So I wouldn't do it at all. "
No, just an example. I’m not purposely asking for any reason or scenario. Just a question that intrigued me on which side people think on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is only a phrase I've come across since joining Fab.
Read the situation right and neither is required.
Hedonists v Bubble Bursters
Talk and share bubbles is what I say 
C"
Never a truer phase has been spoken |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Old me was rather self focused and prone to rash decisions. Now, I'd probably check (don't like the approval word and the connotations) how the other felt about it and go from there - I value others who matter to me and wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize that again.
That being said, it is situational. |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
Depending on what it is, I would say something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind" as you begin to do whatever it is.
No response or a no, just carry on. Plus it gives the other person a chance to say. |
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I’d always ask first, I don’t like going behind someone’s back or even assuming that the other person will like the outcome.
If there was something I wanted to do myself and found out someone else had done it for me, I wouldn’t be happy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Old me was rather self focused and prone to rash decisions. Now, I'd probably check (don't like the approval word and the connotations) how the other felt about it and go from there - I value others who matter to me and wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize that again.
That being said, it is situational. "
It is very situational and I think it also depends on where your focus is and how well you know that person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree that Is it better to ask forgiveness than permission because life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree that Is it better to ask forgiveness than permission because life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it
Aw classic film that one  "
A great classic  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree that Is it better to ask forgiveness than permission because life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it "
Burp burp chikka chikka |
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Definitely an answer with nuance. Broadly consent is important, but I think if you have a connection and a comfort with each other one of the greatest benefits is boundaries can be pushed, people can act and see what happens.
I love a moment my head if asked may of said no but now I find my body saying yes. I love a man willing to push past my initial uncertainty knowing if it really is a no i'll say. And we are OK enough just to laugh and move on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely an answer with nuance. Broadly consent is important, but I think if you have a connection and a comfort with each other one of the greatest benefits is boundaries can be pushed, people can act and see what happens.
I love a moment my head if asked may of said no but now I find my body saying yes. I love a man willing to push past my initial uncertainty knowing if it really is a no i'll say. And we are OK enough just to laugh and move on "
This is a great point. When you know someone really well and the boundaries that they have you also need when to push a little and take them out of their comfort zone but are prepared to pull back fully when it’s too uncomfortable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wanted to do something nice for someone recently and was politely refused.. When i pushed further.. Because in my view it was nice.. It was highlighted to me that the action was to make me feel better, not the other person
It gave me pause for thought and i think now i would always seek permission rather than forgiveness |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wanted to do something nice for someone recently and was politely refused.. When i pushed further.. Because in my view it was nice.. It was highlighted to me that the action was to make me feel better, not the other person
It gave me pause for thought and i think now i would always seek permission rather than forgiveness "
This very much reminds me of listening to Will Smith talk about the birthday party he threw for his wife. It was in his eyes an amazing surprise for her. She later told him she didn’t want a party and that he has done it so he felt like he has made a grand gesture without taking into consideration her possible wishes.
Hard lesson to learn |
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"I wanted to do something nice for someone recently and was politely refused.. When i pushed further.. Because in my view it was nice.. It was highlighted to me that the action was to make me feel better, not the other person
It gave me pause for thought and i think now i would always seek permission rather than forgiveness
This very much reminds me of listening to Will Smith talk about the birthday party he threw for his wife. It was in his eyes an amazing surprise for her. She later told him she didn’t want a party and that he has done it so he felt like he has made a grand gesture without taking into consideration her possible wishes.
Hard lesson to learn"
Ooooph 
But I relate to this a lot |
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Given ppl generally don’t do things to my high standards it’d be a very brave person to do anything for me without asking permission. Forgiveness? Know your audience then there’s no need for apologies and forgiveness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wanted to do something nice for someone recently and was politely refused.. When i pushed further.. Because in my view it was nice.. It was highlighted to me that the action was to make me feel better, not the other person
It gave me pause for thought and i think now i would always seek permission rather than forgiveness
This very much reminds me of listening to Will Smith talk about the birthday party he threw for his wife. It was in his eyes an amazing surprise for her. She later told him she didn’t want a party and that he has done it so he felt like he has made a grand gesture without taking into consideration her possible wishes.
Hard lesson to learn
Ooooph
But I relate to this a lot "
Yeah it made me think about all the times people have done things regardless of what I've said.. Its almost like discounting /disrespecting your view?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to ask forgiveness rather than permission for making decisions. Let's go here ... let's try this... if I'm wrong I try to make amens
If it's an interaction with someone then it's permission |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I tend to ask forgiveness rather than permission for making decisions. Let's go here ... let's try this... if I'm wrong I try to make amens
If it's an interaction with someone then it's permission "
This is a great example of when we lead first and then ask for forgiveness on error of judgment |
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