FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why wouldn't you take your partner out for a night?
Why wouldn't you take your partner out for a night?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In a past relationship, whenever I wanted a night out it would be nigh on impossible for it to happen and I could never figure out why.
I bought a dress in 2016 but didn't get to wear it out until new years eve 2017. I actually tried the dress on in front of him and asked him what was wrong with it, if I was too past it to wear it, or if I didn't have the figure for it and looked bad in it. He said it looked nice. That was all.
It took me 3 and a half months of asking for a night out to for it to happen. I went from asking nicely to being sarcastic, blatantly having a dig, to bitch mode and finally lost my shit in that 3 and a half months. I then felt like the night out was just to keep me happy and it didn't feel nice. I enjoyed it regardless.
So why wouldn't a partner take you out is what I'd like to know? What would stop you doing it if money and babysitter were sorted? In this case they were. To the guys do you ever feel not confident about taking a woman out? And to all does taking your partner out ever give you anxiety and if so why? Is there any other reason why you wouldn't take someone out? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is strange behaviour! Whenever I've had a partner, I've always enjoyed being out with them and proud to have them in my arm.. or I wouldn't be with them! "
I asked him repeatedly if I was embarrassing to take out. It bugs me. I know I'll probably never get the answer. I'm the same as you, I want to be out with them and enjoy them. |
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"This is strange behaviour! Whenever I've had a partner, I've always enjoyed being out with them and proud to have them in my arm.. or I wouldn't be with them!
I asked him repeatedly if I was embarrassing to take out. It bugs me. I know I'll probably never get the answer. I'm the same as you, I want to be out with them and enjoy them. "
Without wanting to pry too much.. was he a cheat?? That's the only thing I can think of, in case he was seen by other women  |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
There has only ever been one reason when I (Mr) have not wanted to go out for a night with Mrs and that is repetitiveness. Not repetativeness with Mrs but we go out a lot for various reasons and one of her hobbies can see us out three or four times in a month (pre-covid). This can become draining and boring so just occasionally I will duck out and she will go to those events on her own but I always tell her why and she understands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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because i was only worth two nights a week of his time.
hell, he'd even prefer to fly off on holiday without letting me know, let alone asking if i fancied it too 
maybe i smell... that's why no one wants to take me out 
Px |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is strange behaviour! Whenever I've had a partner, I've always enjoyed being out with them and proud to have them in my arm.. or I wouldn't be with them!
I asked him repeatedly if I was embarrassing to take out. It bugs me. I know I'll probably never get the answer. I'm the same as you, I want to be out with them and enjoy them.
Without wanting to pry too much.. was he a cheat?? That's the only thing I can think of, in case he was seen by other women "
He didn't want sex either. And the only time he wasn't home was when he was working. So he'd literally had to have been shagging someone at work and in the building. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"because i was only worth two nights a week of his time.
hell, he'd even prefer to fly off on holiday without letting me know, let alone asking if i fancied it too
maybe i smell... that's why no one wants to take me out
Px"
That is awful and actually saddens me. How can some people be so bloody horrible? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love a night out with my partner. But it's very rare we get date nights as we have nobody to look after our daughter.
I do think this happens often in relationships though, some people get too comfortable and lazy rather than it being avoided because of shame etc. I have to remind my partner sometimes to make an effort with going out with me, even during the day as he just doesn't think it's important... but making that effort means a great deal to me. |
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Anyone want to borrow our kids for a night so me and Mrs mischief can go out  .
We love to go out on the rare occasions we can and i dont understand why your partner wouldn't want to  a break from the norm always does you some good  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's just a matter of people's personal tastes. Some people love social events. Some are outdoorsy and prefer doing something physically active rather than going to a party. Some people just like to sit at home and watch Netflix. This mostly has got nothing to do with you.
This is probably one of the most important traits two people have to match in order for them to have a happy relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's just a matter of people's personal tastes. Some people love social events. Some are outdoorsy and prefer doing something physically active rather than going to a party. Some people just like to sit at home and watch Netflix. This mostly has got nothing to do with you.
This is probably one of the most important traits two people have to match in order for them to have a happy relationship. "
Yes this is very true. I know that my partner is happiest at home and has little interest in days out, socialising etc so I try not to take it personally. But equally I do think you need to make an effort and compromise occasionally to keep everyone happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As an introvert, sometimes the idea of going out just feels draining... Especially if I'm being asked to organise and make plans. I've spent all my energy and decision making thinking at work.
That said, given my HW tendencies, I like going out and people watching others watch us.... But could see a jealous type go the other way ... Especially if he knows you have swung .... |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
If I didn’t enjoy or found their company to be some how undesirable
If they wanted to do things I didn’t like or want to and we were unwilling to come to a compromise
They were a cunt
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A few bad experiences in younger years with partners expecting money to be thrown about on a night out & at the time I didn’t have the money do it so that put me off. It dented my confidence for a lot years as I felt womens expectations would be greater than I could offer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife hates eating in front of other people, so meals are off the list. We have done in the past, but she’s never comfortable with it.
She’d rather watch films at home than a cinema.
In terms of just general pub nights, apart from one couple we have totally separate friend groups; hers are all kink, mine are all vanilla and unaware of our lifestyle (plus mine never go out anymore). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's just a matter of people's personal tastes. Some people love social events. Some are outdoorsy and prefer doing something physically active rather than going to a party. Some people just like to sit at home and watch Netflix. This mostly has got nothing to do with you.
This is probably one of the most important traits two people have to match in order for them to have a happy relationship.
Yes this is very true. I know that my partner is happiest at home and has little interest in days out, socialising etc so I try not to take it personally. But equally I do think you need to make an effort and compromise occasionally to keep everyone happy."
Yes. It's hard to find that perfect match for anyone. In matters where people differ, there must be some compromise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was always worried about taking my ex out around bonfire night - shouldn’t have been - i got her d*unk - put her in a shopping trolley and made about £80! Which was 50 quid up on the deal!!  "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is strange behaviour! Whenever I've had a partner, I've always enjoyed being out with them and proud to have them in my arm.. or I wouldn't be with them!
I asked him repeatedly if I was embarrassing to take out. It bugs me. I know I'll probably never get the answer. I'm the same as you, I want to be out with them and enjoy them. "
Did he ever go out with you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've said this about an ex, Petite? Presumably this wasn't the only issue. I totally understand that some people don't enjoy going out as much and that it can be stressful etc etc. But for 3 months you asked and he didn't/wouldn't. You weren't asking for two nights a week. Just a rare treat. My ex was like this. Funnily enough the things I wanted to do never happened but the things he enjoyed did. Being a couple means sometimes you do what makes the other person happy even if it's not your thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex husband told me (once we had split up) that I was an embarrassment and that's why he never took me out... "
Hope you laughed in his face.
Sounds like the men on here who call us names when we reject them. |
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We struggle for nights out (childcare) and Mr KC isn't always up for busy-ness, other people and noise. I've had to learn not to push that and accept it (there's reasons). We do try and do stuff together if we get days off work in the week etc. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"because i was only worth two nights a week of his time.
hell, he'd even prefer to fly off on holiday without letting me know, let alone asking if i fancied it too
maybe i smell... that's why no one wants to take me out
Px"
That’s bloody awful.
Just remember, you’re value isn’t diminished by another’s failure to see it. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I’m really not sure what the answer is as to why but I do know that we can send ourselves mad trying to work out the motives behind others actions or choices regarding us.
Finding a way of knowing that we will never know the reasons but that it doesn’t reflect on us, instead that it’s a statement of them, is the only way that I can see of reconciling these things.
If you can find a way, then be glad that you’re not in that situation and that your worth is far higher than the regard that they held you in. |
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"We struggle for nights out (childcare) and Mr KC isn't always up for busy-ness, other people and noise. I've had to learn not to push that and accept it (there's reasons). We do try and do stuff together if we get days off work in the week etc."
I'm a lot like Mr KC in that regard. I do do it occasionally, but I'd much rather have a "special" night in. |
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"We struggle for nights out (childcare) and Mr KC isn't always up for busy-ness, other people and noise. I've had to learn not to push that and accept it (there's reasons). We do try and do stuff together if we get days off work in the week etc.
I'm a lot like Mr KC in that regard. I do do it occasionally, but I'd much rather have a "special" night in."
Mr KC totally understands (as I try very hard to)  |
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"We struggle for nights out (childcare) and Mr KC isn't always up for busy-ness, other people and noise. I've had to learn not to push that and accept it (there's reasons). We do try and do stuff together if we get days off work in the week etc.
I'm a lot like Mr KC in that regard. I do do it occasionally, but I'd much rather have a "special" night in.
Mr KC totally understands (as I try very hard to) "
Absolutely
Give and take, hey? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex husband told me (once we had split up) that I was an embarrassment and that's why he never took me out...
Hope you laughed in his face.
Sounds like the men on here who call us names when we reject them. "
Yup... If a bloke, he didn't know, spoke to me, he got very jealous... If I was that bad, why would anyone else be interested?! Sad |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I was too fat and ugly to be worth taking anywhere.
Oh... except if he wanted to go out and do something that required driving. Then it would be all "please come, I'd love you to be there". And it took me a long time to realise I'd be sat on my own with a soft drink whenever we did go out, and he would be hammered.
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"This is strange behaviour! Whenever I've had a partner, I've always enjoyed being out with them and proud to have them in my arm.. or I wouldn't be with them!
I asked him repeatedly if I was embarrassing to take out. It bugs me. I know I'll probably never get the answer. I'm the same as you, I want to be out with them and enjoy them.
Without wanting to pry too much.. was he a cheat?? That's the only thing I can think of, in case he was seen by other women
He didn't want sex either. And the only time he wasn't home was when he was working. So he'd literally had to have been shagging someone at work and in the building. "
You’re pretty much describing my marriage.
I love going out, restaurants, bars... I am a social butterfly! He hates every minute of it. If we do go out, it is because I organise it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe he was suffering.
Depression for one example.
Maybe it wasn't you but how he felt about himself.
"
This was definitely the reason behind my husband not wanting to go out with me
Depression and social anxiety, we never went anywhere...If I went anywhere that required a +1 my son would come. Otherwise I would go alone.
It was upsetting, my Graduation and parties and gatherings where everyone was with their partner was the worst. |
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"This is strange behaviour! Whenever I've had a partner, I've always enjoyed being out with them and proud to have them in my arm.. or I wouldn't be with them!
I asked him repeatedly if I was embarrassing to take out. It bugs me. I know I'll probably never get the answer. I'm the same as you, I want to be out with them and enjoy them. "
Maybe he wasn’t that into you. My ex wife and I had a date night. It was another reason that confirmed to me that it was time to separate. |
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