FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can you step in the same river twice?
Can you step in the same river twice?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Or even more?
How did it end for you in terms of relationships? 
Let's just say I reconnected with someone who was pretty close and I have never done the act of allowing someone back before. Always closed things for good. But this one... oh well. It was magic. Circumstances didn't allow it to continue but no bad blood between us. Remained on friendly terms and then drifted apart. Now both single.
So.. tell me how bad of an idea it is.. 
How was it for you? Any good stories or cynical me will be reassured it's always been a bad idea.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or even more?
How did it end for you in terms of relationships?
Let's just say I reconnected with someone who was pretty close and I have never done the act of allowing someone back before. Always closed things for good. But this one... oh well. It was magic. Circumstances didn't allow it to continue but no bad blood between us. Remained on friendly terms and then drifted apart. Now both single.
So.. tell me how bad of an idea it is..
How was it for you? Any good stories or cynical me will be reassured it's always been a bad idea. "
If there was no pain at the end last time, what is there to lose?
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s not bad at all second time around is always better with out the mistakes what we’re made first time op "
It feels easy, effortless and uplifting. We shall see when obstacles appear. True test ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Or even more?
How did it end for you in terms of relationships?
Let's just say I reconnected with someone who was pretty close and I have never done the act of allowing someone back before. Always closed things for good. But this one... oh well. It was magic. Circumstances didn't allow it to continue but no bad blood between us. Remained on friendly terms and then drifted apart. Now both single.
So.. tell me how bad of an idea it is..
How was it for you? Any good stories or cynical me will be reassured it's always been a bad idea.
If there was no pain at the end last time, what is there to lose?
Mr"
Time! I wasted enough recently because of a prick who couldn't commit to his words.
No risk no story though. |
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In my opinion it very much depends on the reasons for the split …
I rekindled with the ex husband , no bad blood at the initial break up, loved each other blah blah blah , anyway we rekindled a year later and alas the issues remained, we just couldn’t work them out, it lasted a couple of years but it was mostly emotional hell 
We stayed friends after that for many years , drifted apart now.
However I wish you the very best whatever you opt for , and I can’t help thinking that if you don’t go for it you’ll forever be wondering what if ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I read the title and wondered what trickery or riddle you're trying to catch us out on."
Haha I always use click bait titles..
Not on this occasion though ! |
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I guess it all depends on what grounds you ended on and whether you feel it’s as important now.
Familiarity is good and maybe each of you will work hard as you know it was almost there and the niggles can be ironed out.
Having said that I’ve never gone back, once my feelings have left they don’t come back, but that could just be me
K |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
It's a new river. Because you've both changed, even slightly.
If it brings you joy Rose, do it. And delight in the joy. For as long as that outweighs anything else. But don't lose sight of the friendship. Because that's the most important thing.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not for me. I usually have to take a piss in any water I enter so it’s probably best I didn’t 
Not invited to our pool party then."
Thanks for the giggle |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess it all depends on what grounds you ended on and whether you feel it’s as important now.
Familiarity is good and maybe each of you will work hard as you know it was almost there and the niggles can be ironed out.
Having said that I’ve never gone back, once my feelings have left they don’t come back, but that could just be me
K"
Me neither. But temptation is there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive recently reconnected with a guy a had a thing with, we didnt have an official relationship but it got intense, he ended up with someone else and i got on with my life, this time around its exactly the same only im not chasing him like i did before amd im still other people.. not sure whats gonna happen  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course it can work, but only because of how you both are now. The former 'magic' is not relationship credit you can draw on, and there's always a danger of romanticising happy times in our past. But absolutely no reason not to try again and good luck, OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No. Because the water that was, is gone and you are in the water that is, which is not what was before. Logic innit? "
I enjoy your logic 
Constantly changing. Considering water evaporates and then comes down as rain again.. isn't it rhw same water though? Cycles;-) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No. Because the water that was, is gone and you are in the water that is, which is not what was before. Logic innit?
I enjoy your logic
Constantly changing. Considering water evaporates and then comes down as rain again.. isn't it rhw same water though? Cycles;-) "
*the not rhw |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Of course it can work, but only because of how you both are now. The former 'magic' is not relationship credit you can draw on, and there's always a danger of romanticising happy times in our past. But absolutely no reason not to try again and good luck, OP. "
I think its at the stage of reminiscing old magic but it's ok to bring good memories back. Honey for the soul. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it very much depends on the reasons for the split …
I rekindled with the ex husband , no bad blood at the initial break up, loved each other blah blah blah , anyway we rekindled a year later and alas the issues remained, we just couldn’t work them out, it lasted a couple of years but it was mostly emotional hell
We stayed friends after that for many years , drifted apart now.
However I wish you the very best whatever you opt for , and I can’t help thinking that if you don’t go for it you’ll forever be wondering what if ?
"
Thanks for saying that Miss Adventure and good to see you posting again! "What if" - I don't like having that kind of regret. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you’ve both grown as people so nothing negative about reconnecting. You’re a wise owl. It’s clearly good for your soul so enjoy "
Am I? You open that inbox and ill pour out about my stupid antics.. You'll roll your eyes and laugh heartily too.
I am happy. Good karma was overdue clearly |
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"Sounds like you’ve both grown as people so nothing negative about reconnecting. You’re a wise owl. It’s clearly good for your soul so enjoy
Am I? You open that inbox and ill pour out about my stupid antics.. You'll roll your eyes and laugh heartily too.
I am happy. Good karma was overdue clearly "
Yeah but the wise owl knows she’s batshit crazy too!!! self awareness is key to life. I have faith |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not for me. I usually have to take a piss in any water I enter so it’s probably best I didn’t "
Better than that malteaser accident.
And you know some like watersports |
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By *nly4funMan
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Just before COVID hit I met up with an old girlfriend from late school years. She was my first proper deep snog. The timing wasn’t right then. But when we met up, OMG the chemistry was intense and the physical stuff was awesome. She even told me that she's been a swinger for the last 20 years!!
Then covid hit. B$trd.
Seeing her again tonight for a social. Trying not to get my expectations up, but ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you’ve both grown as people so nothing negative about reconnecting. You’re a wise owl. It’s clearly good for your soul so enjoy
Am I? You open that inbox and ill pour out about my stupid antics.. You'll roll your eyes and laugh heartily too.
I am happy. Good karma was overdue clearly
Yeah but the wise owl knows she’s batshit crazy too!!! self awareness is key to life. I have faith "
Ffs. I'll rather be wise but mad if the other choice is dumb/dull. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It could always have been the time wasnt just quite right before. If it didnt end badly, then it could have been you never stepped out of the river, you just got out of synch with each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not really the same but the boy I was in love with at school for years and we had a nice little relationship, I met up with years later and quite honestly I walked away thinking he was a bit of a knob! I'd never go back, although when I split with my first husband we continued to have sex for quite some time after, honestly I look at him now and wonder what I ever saw in him.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just before COVID hit I met up with an old girlfriend from late school years. She was my first proper deep snog. The timing wasn’t right then. But when we met up, OMG the chemistry was intense and the physical stuff was awesome. She even told me that she's been a swinger for the last 20 years!!
Then covid hit. B$trd.
Seeing her again tonight for a social. Trying not to get my expectations up, but ..."
Omg!!! I'm sending all the good vibes your way. This would be so romantic. Please report back |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It could always have been the time wasnt just quite right before. If it didnt end badly, then it could have been you never stepped out of the river, you just got out of synch with each other. "
Thanks Alder.
Maybe one turned into waterfall and one went meandering elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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IMHO I wouldn’t
I’ve never done it myself so have little experience however my relationships ended for one reason or another so that chapter ends, going back may restart the honeymoon period again but the cracks that caused the collapse are still there and, again imo, they won’t be permanently repaired 
Not deep but basically “fuck no” |
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"No. Because the water that was, is gone and you are in the water that is, which is not what was before. Logic innit?
I enjoy your logic
Constantly changing. Considering water evaporates and then comes down as rain again.. isn't it rhw same water though? Cycles;-)
*the not rhw "
No because that would mean that the water we have now was the water we had then and that water will always be (actually you would be right but volcanic eruptions scupper you, so bleauugh!).
That being said as the water that falls from the clouds and enters the streams to rush down our rivers to enter our seas is ever changing in its chemical composition you still cannot cross (or step in) the same river twice unless you have lived a very long time. You see the sea and the evaporation that transpires from its surface can deposit its water anywhere within a given range and for you to step into the same body of water twice would require a miracle of coincidence that all of the H2O molecules that made up your damp paddle remained together for eternity.
But the vagaries of wave action in our oceans and the meanderings of our rivers will conspire against this happy group of molecules. They exist momentarily together and then they are rushed into new groupings of other molecules and thus you have the answer to your question.
Whether water yearns to be back at that singular moment when it brushed past your ankles surrounded by its comrades that have now been flung hither and thither remains a mystery. Does H2O dream of ankles? Lost friends? Rivers it once run? Seas it once filled? Who knows?
Probably Bruce Lee….. |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
Depending on how long ago the first time was, try to see them as a whole new person, you will have both changed, of course you have a history, but either romanticising that history, or seeing it as a barrier to who you might be to each other now could be counter productive. I know it’s not easy, but gauge things on the basis of how you would be together if this was the first time you had met. Would you get interested in them? |
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Personally I’ve never gone backwards so can’t comment.
However, if there was no animosity when you split, you separated on good terms because of circumstances then why not give it another go ?
Only you can decide that OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No. Because the water that was, is gone and you are in the water that is, which is not what was before. Logic innit?
I enjoy your logic
Constantly changing. Considering water evaporates and then comes down as rain again.. isn't it rhw same water though? Cycles;-)
*the not rhw
No because that would mean that the water we have now was the water we had then and that water will always be (actually you would be right but volcanic eruptions scupper you, so bleauugh!).
That being said as the water that falls from the clouds and enters the streams to rush down our rivers to enter our seas is ever changing in its chemical composition you still cannot cross (or step in) the same river twice unless you have lived a very long time. You see the sea and the evaporation that transpires from its surface can deposit its water anywhere within a given range and for you to step into the same body of water twice would require a miracle of coincidence that all of the H2O molecules that made up your damp paddle remained together for eternity.
But the vagaries of wave action in our oceans and the meanderings of our rivers will conspire against this happy group of molecules. They exist momentarily together and then they are rushed into new groupings of other molecules and thus you have the answer to your question.
Whether water yearns to be back at that singular moment when it brushed past your ankles surrounded by its comrades that have now been flung hither and thither remains a mystery. Does H2O dream of ankles? Lost friends? Rivers it once run? Seas it once filled? Who knows?
Probably Bruce Lee….."
That actually made sense. In the end |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh more than twice in one particular case . Lost count now! When you both can’t help yourselves it’s pretty hopeless!"
Hope dies last or some crap like that Of course you can help yourself Nora. It's called a wank x |
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"No. Because the water that was, is gone and you are in the water that is, which is not what was before. Logic innit?
I enjoy your logic
Constantly changing. Considering water evaporates and then comes down as rain again.. isn't it rhw same water though? Cycles;-)
*the not rhw
No because that would mean that the water we have now was the water we had then and that water will always be (actually you would be right but volcanic eruptions scupper you, so bleauugh!).
That being said as the water that falls from the clouds and enters the streams to rush down our rivers to enter our seas is ever changing in its chemical composition you still cannot cross (or step in) the same river twice unless you have lived a very long time. You see the sea and the evaporation that transpires from its surface can deposit its water anywhere within a given range and for you to step into the same body of water twice would require a miracle of coincidence that all of the H2O molecules that made up your damp paddle remained together for eternity.
But the vagaries of wave action in our oceans and the meanderings of our rivers will conspire against this happy group of molecules. They exist momentarily together and then they are rushed into new groupings of other molecules and thus you have the answer to your question.
Whether water yearns to be back at that singular moment when it brushed past your ankles surrounded by its comrades that have now been flung hither and thither remains a mystery. Does H2O dream of ankles? Lost friends? Rivers it once run? Seas it once filled? Who knows?
Probably Bruce Lee…..
That actually made sense. In the end "
I’m a hoot at parties.
https://youtu.be/xwtdhWltSIg
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whatever incompatiblity that ended your relationship the first time is still there. This is why it's hard to make a relationship work as a second attempt.
However
People can change and what was insurmountable first time might be an ant hill this time.
I think you have changed in the last 6 months rose. Maybe your friend has too.
The real factor in relationships success the ability to compromise in ways that both (or all) parties can live with.
I hope it goes well for you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Normally when I'm done, I'm done.
I tried again with my last 'proper' relationship, and it just didn't work, too much had happened.
"
That's usually the thing. But here not that much happened so the plate is not one to be scrubbed with blood sweat and tears.. just wipe over and start again. Day at a time. I shall see.
Thanks everyone so much for your input. I am very fortunate you shared your wisdom with me amongst the sea of threads to chose from I'll give back with less self focused thread soon.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally when I'm done, I'm done.
I tried again with my last 'proper' relationship, and it just didn't work, too much had happened.
That's usually the thing. But here not that much happened so the plate is not one to be scrubbed with blood sweat and tears.. just wipe over and start again. Day at a time. I shall see.
Thanks everyone so much for your input. I am very fortunate you shared your wisdom with me amongst the sea of threads to chose from I'll give back with less self focused thread soon.
"
I hope however things progress, it brings you happiness and hot times lovely x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whatever incompatiblity that ended your relationship the first time is still there. This is why it's hard to make a relationship work as a second attempt.
However
People can change and what was insurmountable first time might be an ant hill this time.
I think you have changed in the last 6 months rose. Maybe your friend has too.
The real factor in relationships success the ability to compromise in ways that both (or all) parties can live with.
I hope it goes well for you"
Oh you have no idea but yes well spotted and pretty good timeline! Sometimes when you get too focused on others .. accidentally you grow yourself. My soul isn't being sucked by dementors anymore and this is when universe starts knocking with a good karma
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. Because the water that was, is gone and you are in the water that is, which is not what was before. Logic innit? "
Be like water my friend!
Indeed it's the present state of mind and heart now. We most dwell and get warmth from past good times. Where are both sets of heads & hearts now! The power struggle goes on in this FAB life.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally when I'm done, I'm done.
I tried again with my last 'proper' relationship, and it just didn't work, too much had happened.
That's usually the thing. But here not that much happened so the plate is not one to be scrubbed with blood sweat and tears.. just wipe over and start again. Day at a time. I shall see.
Thanks everyone so much for your input. I am very fortunate you shared your wisdom with me amongst the sea of threads to chose from I'll give back with less self focused thread soon.
"
if theres one thing iv learned the last couple years focus on self is just as important as anything else i may be wrong but in the end the only people we can really count on are ourselves anything else is fantasy |
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