FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Replying on thread vs pm…
Replying on thread vs pm…
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread
Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger |
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Some people can't post on the forums yet but can browse them.
Some people simply click the wring reply option.
Some people want to be nasty.
Some people want to be helpful and to be sure you see their reply.
Some people want to be helpful but not share personal information on the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Generally always comment on a thread rather than privately unless there is a specific reason (non sexual) to do so.
I understand people think that threads can leave to conversations and they often do, or even to give someone a compliment, but please engage with the thread first |
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If it's not a thread game requiring a private message I only ever pm someone I know.
I'll always reply in the thread and am always sceptical of people who use the pm option rather than have the courage of their convictions.
I know some people who claim they are shunned by other forum users so they pm and ask others to post on their behalf.
Strangely they are more than happy to post on any thread that involves fabbing or increased traffic on their profile |
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If it's of a sensitive nature I'll message (a fellow forumite did the other day with a website about domestic abuse was very much appreciated). Also I will if I think the poster isn't quite themselves so I like to check in.
Normally though I try and keep in on the thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?"
I think the age old reply is 'it depends'
I'd probs flirt with a friend or regular contact ... But not a random person
I do get messages (usually compliments) in DM loosely attached to the thread.. I don't mind them, they are usually all polite /interesting. I just ignore anything i don't want to open and let the unread count grow until the system auto deletes  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?
I would see that as they wanted to stand out  "
That’s a better way to look at it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?
I think the age old reply is 'it depends'
I'd probs flirt with a friend or regular contact ... But not a random person
I do get messages (usually compliments) in DM loosely attached to the thread.. I don't mind them, they are usually all polite /interesting. I just ignore anything i don't want to open and let the unread count grow until the system auto deletes "
It might auto delete, but the number at the top still stays the same  |
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I have sent a private message if it was something I felt I wanted to share, in the form of support, but wouldn't want to share in a public forum. I have also messaged support if the thread had turned negative and again, I would offer support. Once I have mailed someone and feel there is a small connection, I will sometimes send funny/cheeky comments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People who are banned/ not verified so can't post
People who want to support and a pm is more personal
People who comment about a thread but actually want wank chat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ll Private message if it’s a personal reply to a question asked sometimes… but if it’s a flirty thread I’d generally flirt in public unless it’s someone I’m already seeing of course |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread
Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"
This  |
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We hardly ever pm from a thread unless it’s going to derail a thread or if we we want to say something that’s personal.
We get a lot of messages from guys who think it’s good to start a conversation about the thread - well the first message is, then the next is a ‘I want to get into C’s knickers’ message
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I PM quite a lot. Mostly to people I know to avoid 'private' chat in thread but also to say something positive about a comment which may not fit easily in the thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i only ever reply in pm if its a forum game like the 'my mate' ones.
or if someone is upset about something, to try and help or comfort, where i don't feel i should put it on a public forum.
Px |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i only ever reply in pm if its a forum game like the 'my mate' ones.
or if someone is upset about something, to try and help or comfort, where i don't feel i should put it on a public forum.
Px "
This is the same for me |
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"I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something "
So your not up for that, bugger there goes my balloon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm gonna stop DM'ing People lol..
But no, I think it's either a Direct Question that has no context/place within the thread or a Direct Image or if there's been a click while chatting in the thread and common ground (apart from being naughty) that's been discovered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something
So your not up for that, bugger there goes my balloon"
I'll bang your balloon if you like  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something "
I have a drum? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "
When posting on the thread we always receive replies to the inbox |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "
I guess it's their "way in" our posts have "iniated conversation" so they just go with it. I only PM if it's something I know that would be taken out of context by the snowflake crew |
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"If it's of a sensitive nature I'll message (a fellow forumite did the other day with a website about domestic abuse was very much appreciated). Also I will if I think the poster isn't quite themselves so I like to check in.
Normally though I try and keep in on the thread. "
This. |
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"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread
Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"
I couldn’t have worded it better |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Generally always comment on a thread rather than privately unless there is a specific reason (non sexual) to do so.
I understand people think that threads can leave to conversations and they often do, or even to give someone a compliment, but please engage with the thread first "
I think this says it well, unless obviously it’s for support, which I give privately. |
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I get the most private messages if it’s a controversial comment they agree with but are too scared to post their actual thoughts about.
The court of public opinion is real and it’s sad to see so many people scared to post their real thoughts for fear of being excluded from meets/groups on here |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.
If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.
If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego."
I always like reading your contributions |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
Most the time we reply to the post on the forum, just the odd occasion we have also sent a DM message but find we personally get more DM messages off something we have posted, we generally get ignored here |
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I've had private messages when I've pulled someone on their forum behaviour or spoken out against certain things.
They are often funny because they give the impression that they are recruiting and my opinion aligns with how their little gang sees it also.
It's the ones from those who state publicly that they don't care what anyone thinks of them but they send me suggestions of what to post next as they couldn't possibly be seen to say it that are hilarious though. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.
If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.
I always like reading your contributions "
Well you are a bit of a masochist  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.
If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.
I always like reading your contributions "
Yes, very funny posts ! |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"I only reply in a DM if it is what the thread suggests to do or if i think there is an opportunity to connect like living local etc.."
Same as this as a rule^ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.
If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.
I always like reading your contributions
Well you are a bit of a masochist "
Well, a little bit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread
Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"
This. Or if I feel a comment I might make pour oil onto a flame. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.
If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego."
I'm agreeing with OP I appreciate your comments |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.
Also, sometimes you don't want to derail a thread with effectively a back and forth chat between two people, so someone might say something that makes me want to start up a conversation with that person, and I might message them. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.
Also, sometimes you don't want to derail a thread with effectively a back and forth chat between two people, so someone might say something that makes me want to start up a conversation with that person, and I might message them. "
Pretty much this.
I find that it’s a personal judgement call on things. If it’s a private, personal chat where you’re exchanging views that aren’t for public consumption or if it might derail the thread.
I’ve had lots of people send me PM’s or vice versa in relation to posts and struck up chats or friendships as a result.
I recognise that for some they use it as a chance to sleaze into PM chat but the whole point of the forums is to strike up connections, that’s why there’s a ‘reply privately’ button. It’s when it’s abused or unwelcome that it’s an issue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "
Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?
Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length? "
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?
Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length? "
Now - that definitely should be in a PM. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?
Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?
Now - that definitely should be in a PM. "
HAHA! NO way dude, I don't hide my flirting/pervertedness/creepiness! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?
Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?
"
I won't be too hard on you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nah, most of my contributions on the forums stay on the forum but I'm grateful for people messaging me on the back of a thread.
Had some lovely conversations and messages as a result  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "
You've probably made a comment that is particular to me that I'd like to pursue, but more likely I'm trying get in your pants.. |
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"I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.
Also, sometimes you don't want to derail a thread with effectively a back and forth chat between two people, so someone might say something that makes me want to start up a conversation with that person, and I might message them.
Pretty much this.
I find that it’s a personal judgement call on things. If it’s a private, personal chat where you’re exchanging views that aren’t for public consumption or if it might derail the thread.
I’ve had lots of people send me PM’s or vice versa in relation to posts and struck up chats or friendships as a result.
I recognise that for some they use it as a chance to sleaze into PM chat but the whole point of the forums is to strike up connections, that’s why there’s a ‘reply privately’ button. It’s when it’s abused or unwelcome that it’s an issue"
I was going to compose an essay about my respective usage of Reply Privately, Reply in Thread, Reply+Quote and Post New Message to Thread. But the above posters have expressed it for me in more succinct fashion. Thank you _ea monkey and kitty. Polly xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I might PM to avoid detailing. Or in some of the sciencey threads I may share something I think they will find interesting but isn't really in line with how the convo is going. Not everyone wants links to papers !
I also PM when I see boobs. (o)(o)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.
Also, sometimes you don't want to derail a thread with effectively a back and forth chat between two people, so someone might say something that makes me want to start up a conversation with that person, and I might message them.
Pretty much this.
I find that it’s a personal judgement call on things. If it’s a private, personal chat where you’re exchanging views that aren’t for public consumption or if it might derail the thread.
I’ve had lots of people send me PM’s or vice versa in relation to posts and struck up chats or friendships as a result.
I recognise that for some they use it as a chance to sleaze into PM chat but the whole point of the forums is to strike up connections, that’s why there’s a ‘reply privately’ button. It’s when it’s abused or unwelcome that it’s an issue"
The last paragraph sums it up for me.
I have blocked everyone from messaging me because I don't want that interaction. Unless I choose it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people can't post on the forums yet but can browse them.
Some people simply click the wring reply option.
Some people want to be nasty.
Some people want to be helpful and to be sure you see their reply.
Some people want to be helpful but not share personal information on the forums. "
Latter for me....
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
Mostly just PM abuse because fab mods and others can't see what is being said, cos they think people they don't want to see their true face . also been pm'd via fake couples account to get round filters and blocks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get the most private messages if it’s a controversial comment they agree with but are too scared to post their actual thoughts about.
The court of public opinion is real and it’s sad to see so many people scared to post their real thoughts for fear of being excluded from meets/groups on here "
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "
Was so tempted to dm this response!
I very rarely will message over in thread reply. Subject matter and context of things will dictate this for me however, some things may not want to be said publicly (private reasons, not insults). |
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"I get the most private messages if it’s a controversial comment they agree with but are too scared to post their actual thoughts about.
The court of public opinion is real and it’s sad to see so many people scared to post their real thoughts for fear of being excluded from meets/groups on here "
I get a lot of these. Probably not always because they’re scared to post. More because they’re not as dumb as me and keep their thoughts and opinions off the forums  . |
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I pretty much always reply on the thread unless it is a pic roulette or face pic type thing
I have once hit the wrong button which was a bit embarrassing but all was forgiven and it is now someone I chat with a fair bit |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
Normally it's thread related, other than that it's normally kept on forum. Only exception is if I see someone who's feeling down or struggling and I know them well enough to speak privately to them and ask if they're ok |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd only ever really send a private message off the back of a thread if I was worried about that person. But I don't really send messages often apart from that. |
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"Normally it's thread related, other than that it's normally kept on forum. Only exception is if I see someone who's feeling down or struggling and I know them well enough to speak privately to them and ask if they're ok"
Indeed. Another good reason and I have done that a couple of times, mostly very well received but one person did tell me it was none of my fucking business how they were and to piss off then promptly blocked me
Nowt as queer as folks |
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"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread
Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"
This. Generally I’ll reply in private if I think it might or if people think I’m white knighting. I think it’s just important to enter, say your bit and exit.
It’s not a gateway to further conversation unless instigated by the ‘entered’ (that sounds wrong but I know what I mean) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?
I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "
I would only pm if it was something where I was making sure someone was ok or o have spoke to them in pm before other than that I keep it thread |
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