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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."  |
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By *ll 4 herCouple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
Mickey mouse was stood in front of the judge
Judge 'l have listened to your case and I have to say Mickey you can't divorce Minnie just because she has buck teeth'
Mickey 'Your honour I didn't say she has buck teeth, I said I wanted a divorce because she was fucking Goofy' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A moth goes to the podiatrist.
He says "doctor.....my life .....it's a sham. I go to work for Mr Abraham every day, and I'm not even sure he knows what I do. I'm not even sure what I do. All both he and I know is that he holds power over me.
I wake up in the middle of the night, turn over and look at what was once my beautiful wife only to see a husk of her former self, a husk I'm repulsed by.
I look at my son, I look into his eyes knowing I don't love him anymore. Seeing the same cowardice in his eyes I see every morning in the mirror when I shave. If only I was braver I'd slit my throat right there and then"
The doctor says "wow, you're really in a bad way, you need to see a psychiatrist. I'm a podiatrist, why did you come here?"
The moth says "the light was on" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hollie Philip schofield and Gino di campo walking along a bridge .
Hollie trips and gets her head stuck between the railings !
Without hesitation Gino pulls her g string to the side and fucks her !
He stands back and says to Phillip “ your turn “
Philip bursts into tears ! “ what’s wrong ? Asks Gino
Philip sobs “ my head won’t fit in the railings”! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had an argument with hubby the other night who got so frustrated he opened the fridge and threw a block of cheddar cheese at me to which I replied 'that's mature' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A rabbit walks into a bar an asks for a cheese n ham toasties and a pint
The bar man's astonished that the rabbit can talk and serves it the toasties an pint
The rabbit eats the toasties, downs the pint and leaves
This happens every day for a week and word soon gets around of the talking rabbit
The rabbit walks in and orders cheese n ham toasties and a pint to the astonishment of a packed bar
Sorry my friend but we are all out of cheese n ham toasties but we do have cheese n onion toasties that you'll love
The rabbit replies well as long as your sure ill love them ill have cheese n onion toasties with a pint
The bar tender serves the rabbit and once again the rabbit eats the toasties and drinks the pint and leaves
The following few days the bar crowd gathers but no rabbit appears and the crowds become less
By now the bars empty at closing time and the barman notices a faint outline of the rabbit near the bar ceiling
What happened to you the barman sad as he looks at the figure, the bar was always packed when you came in
I died replies the figure of the rabbit
Died ! The barman said in horror what did you die from my friend
Mixin ma toasties the rabbit says |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What did the deaf dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer..
For clarity, hubby is stage 4 and told this at an oncology appointment and the nurses really wanted to laugh... |
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The doctor told me I needed to lose some weight.
I asked him how and he said “just don’t eat anything fatty”
“What like chips, pies, kebabs? Anything like that?”
“No.” He said. “Just don’t eat anything, Fatty.” |
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