FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are single women judged?
Are single women judged?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not at my age. Everyone assumes I have taken The Vow and I’m self flagellating every time I get horny!
"
Hahaha I get really annoyed. I shouldn’t really |
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Not now, no. A decade ago there were more comments around suggesting people thought I would be happier if only I could find another man. These days people tend to say good on you, don't blame you...if I ever became single, I don't think I would look to get married again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not now, no. A decade ago there were more comments around suggesting people thought I would be happier if only I could find another man. These days people tend to say good on you, don't blame you...if I ever became single, I don't think I would look to get married again."
I do have people who say “I don’t blame you!” But I still get the condescending comments all too often and it really pisses me off |
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Yeah it is a bit of a stigma many people place on woman (and men to a lesser extent) that you cant be fully happy until in a relationship.
But I'm sure there are hundreds of thousands of people in the UK who are unhappy in a relationship, whereas you come and go as you please and do what you want when you want.
The world view is definitely changing but there are still a sizeable majority who feel a person isnt complete without a partner.
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Yep, all the time.
As sad as it is, I’ve grown accustomed to being asked it or told “I’ll find someone”.
Whenever I give them my responses, I tend to get aggression levelled at me as well, for some weird reason. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep, all the time.
As sad as it is, I’ve grown accustomed to being asked it or told “I’ll find someone”.
Whenever I give them my responses, I tend to get aggression levelled at me as well, for some weird reason. "
Yes! What’s the aggression all about? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By some people yes by others no
On a whole then yes the none judgmental are in the minority group
But also some people pay it as a complement not thinking
Is in wow your stunning I can’t fathom how your single
Not realiseing that it could be the person choice to be single
For meny reasons
I would say I am in the none judgmental side hence why I never try that line with anyone
It’s none off my business why someone single
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most definitly, I'm for ever getting told I should find a good man and settle down, or why am I single what's wrong with me... My life wo ld be so much easier if I found myself a man... Everyone seems to know a friend who would be just perfect for me and would I like them to set us up  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most definitly, I'm for ever getting told I should find a good man and settle down, or why am I single what's wrong with me... My life wo ld be so much easier if I found myself a man... Everyone seems to know a friend who would be just perfect for me and would I like them to set us up "
Yep 
So fed up of people trying to set me up! Even if the guy was lovely, it gets my back up and I don’t even go along with it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it disrespectful, like if finding a man was top of my list of prioritys do you really think I'm so inept I wouldnet be able to sort that out for myself? My boss (my male who I don't have a social life outside of work from boss) was trying to convince me to let him set me uo with someone a few weeks back and I just thought wtf actually is this? My personal life is literally non of your buisnes, no one even sees it as being invasive tho, very much a oh how nice yyou should go for it, no one wants to see you lonely mentality around it |
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We all get judged.
For everything.
By everyone.
All the time.
Everything judges.
Even atoms at an atomic level are making judgements on their spatial position.
The universe is making non-sentient judgements every nano-second (or smaller).
We are so obsessed with judgement, we enact laws that enable us to be judged.
And when we are bored or self-reflective we look within and judge ourselves.
When the universe finally ends, and the last atom ceases to be, will we ask ourselves posthumously, "Was every judgement fair ? Was every judgement warranted ? Was every judgement kind ? Was every judgement invited ?", and the only answer to those is "No."
So if it matters not at the end of time, try not to let it matter now, because you already know the answers to the questions. |
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By *ola81Woman
over a year ago
pond |
Op I know how you feel. Got the same questions and more...
I just ignore judgemental people unless they try to be really mean then I do reply with sarcasm.. level killer expert  . After that they don't ask again...ever |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Where is that fella you are changing your looks for? That's what I was asked recently. 
Because you can't be doing anything to better yourself, unless you are cock motivated. Not in that desperate camp. Yet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
Well said and too right.
Live & let live.
Enjoy the ride of life!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
To all the single ladies ..ye..in a word ...ROCK !!!..Please do NOT give a fuck about what others try to instigate what you should do with your life, please live it your way ... sometimes , the ones trying to give you their " advice " are ones that are envious of your freedom . |
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It works both ways as well.
The amount of times people decide they want to settle down, or get married etc. And yet people get given the all "Doom and Gloom" speech, simply because they may or may not have had a bad experience. "You'll regret it" etc etc
Basically, it's your life. You do whatever the feck YOU want with it. As long as you don't influence others or become a burden, enjoy yourself and make your own decisions |
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By *esSir99Woman
over a year ago
Norwich |
"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
Like yourself I am happily single. Your examples of responses is very common. It never bothers me, they just don’t understand how anyone can be happy single. So I tend to take the opportunity to broaden their outlook.
At this moment in my life I am fulfilled, I do not need a relationship or feel I want someone to spend my life with. I have great friends, family, hobbies, opportunities and I’m enjoying spending time on myself.
I may not always feel this way, and if I met someone and it slowly grew into something then that would also be fine.
I think we should be able to be happy on our own. It’s nobody’s job to make you happy.
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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago
milton keynes |
"Yes loads of my friends try to set me up with the next available batchelor
Me telling them that I prefer to have sex with other people's husbands really wouldn't go down well... "
Hahahaha you legend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I were single for some time, by choice and happy.
I used to get the same, telling me the right one will come along when last expected, etc etc.
Then Mrs A appeared!
You've been warned  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to ask why, probably more intrigue and being nosey. Now maybe less so as it seems to be more common that women are happier without a man, doesn’t say much for us men like haha, but then again some horror stories I’ve heard about ex-bf or husbands it doesn’t surprise me! You be who you want to be! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not only am I unashamedly single I also do lots of thing alone. This includes travel, cinema and eating out. "Oh, couldn't you find anyone to go with you" is the common question I get asked. "Yes" I reply "but then I'd have to find somewhere to Bury the body". They stop asking now ;-p
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If your single woman having lots of sex your names a slag. A bloke will be a stud. Fuck that no wonder we get shit on stop labelling women for enjoying what they have if they want to be single and enjoy sex then it’s up to them we shouldn’t judge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all get judged.
For everything.
By everyone.
All the time.
Everything judges.
Even atoms at an atomic level are making judgements on their spatial position.
The universe is making non-sentient judgements every nano-second (or smaller).
We are so obsessed with judgement, we enact laws that enable us to be judged.
And when we are bored or self-reflective we look within and judge ourselves.
When the universe finally ends, and the last atom ceases to be, will we ask ourselves posthumously, "Was every judgement fair ? Was every judgement warranted ? Was every judgement kind ? Was every judgement invited ?", and the only answer to those is "No."
So if it matters not at the end of time, try not to let it matter now, because you already know the answers to the questions."
Sadly this is very true. It could be something we wear , something we say or we do..
just have to try to ignore it as much as we can |
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I've been happily single by choice for well over nineteen years now, and I *still* get this.
It must be so much worse for single women, who – even now – are unspokenly assumed to be, or be waiting to be, the property of some man. Ugh.
One of the most insulting things about it is the pity. "You're single? Oh, I'm so sorry." Like I've been injured in some tragic accident.
The worst, most life-affecting thing – from my point of view – is that everything in the UK is priced on the assumption that you have a double income. Even the council tax "discount" is only 25% and not 50%, so it's actually an increase rather than a decrease. I fucking hate being treated like a second-class citizen just because I need so much of my own space. |
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"Not only am I unashamedly single I also do lots of thing alone. This includes travel, cinema and eating out. "Oh, couldn't you find anyone to go with you" is the common question I get asked. "Yes" I reply "but then I'd have to find somewhere to Bury the body". They stop asking now ;-p"
I get this too, and my answer is usually something along the lines of "Do *you* know anyone who would have come with me?" They tend to shut up after that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My family often ask me why I’m still single and then ask if I’m a lesbian as I’ve not had a boyfriend for many years.
It gets quite annoying as I’m quite happy as I am and shouldn’t have to justify it to anyone.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I get this a lot! Like, how can you be single you're so pretty ...like the only reason to be single is through lack of offers
I think it's meant as a compliment, just comes across as an outdated view. |
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
I get this often and it annoys me. Why can people not accept that I am happy alone now and do not need a man by my side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
Meet u in John Lewis to discuss .. im with you all the way.. |
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Yep, it's funny how I also get told regarding not wanting sex either that "you just need to find the right person"
No I don't. I don't "just need" to do anything. Why do I "just need" to do something I don't want to?
Why do I need to find someone I'm not looking for?
Why do I have to rely on someone else to love me? What's wrong with me taking the time to love myself?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep, it's funny how I also get told regarding not wanting sex either that "you just need to find the right person"
No I don't. I don't "just need" to do anything. Why do I "just need" to do something I don't want to?
Why do I need to find someone I'm not looking for?
Why do I have to rely on someone else to love me? What's wrong with me taking the time to love myself?
"
Exactly!!!! |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
This thread highlights one of the reason I like the Fab forums. On the whole full of none judgmental people. In real life we don’t always have the choice who we have in our lives but I try to surround myself with those that wouldn’t judge me for my choice of a single life.
It happens but a curt “Fuck that!” usually ends that line of judgment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, it's funny how I also get told regarding not wanting sex either that "you just need to find the right person"
No I don't. I don't "just need" to do anything. Why do I "just need" to do something I don't want to?
Why do I need to find someone I'm not looking for?
Why do I have to rely on someone else to love me? What's wrong with me taking the time to love myself?
"
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By *JBezantMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
I think single women and men are judged.
Normally by people that aren’t necessarily that happy so they want to drag you down to their level  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only time I've had this is from smarmy men attempting to use it as a chat up line "
Yes I agree with that and it's up there with "why are you on this site? You could have anyone you wanted without being on a site like this" |
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"Whenever I get asked I just reply that I am not afraid to live alone and I am fine dying alone with no one around. Then ask them why they are afraid to be alone."
Man that is epic. I’m robbing this. One of my lines is I don’t need other people to make me happy. |
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Yes, all the time.
I can't believe no one's snapped you up... Ugh...
I don't need a man, I just like to enjoy their company every now and again
I've had a child and raised him to an adult without ever having a man round the house to help. |
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
Yes.
I learned long ago that they cannot help their stereotypical views and assumptions.
They are carpet slipper wearing , white sliced, missionary loving , church going, apple pie baking , Marks and Spencer meal deal, flip flopping fools!....
Leave them to their walls and white fences.... they know not what they know not. |
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"Whenever I get asked I just reply that I am not afraid to live alone and I am fine dying alone with no one around. Then ask them why they are afraid to be alone."
Bit much.
Just go with ...... cos I never met anyone as wondeful as you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
I’ve been single for a long time now, not necessarily looking to jump into something but not against it, however you do find that when out and about people are always trying to push you that way…
”what about her” go speak to that girl!
Leave me be I’ll find it when I find it! |
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
More like when you’re older you’ll get married and have kids … that always bugged me as young lad ..
typical Irish upbringing
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a 40+ bloke I get told all the time "you're too nice to be single". It is what it is though and I CBA with just "settling". It's a bit of a shitter as I really want kids but not if they're gonna be a product of a relationship that just goes through the motions.
Call me old-fashioned but I kinda need fireworks. |
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"Whenever I get asked I just reply that I am not afraid to live alone and I am fine dying alone with no one around. Then ask them why they are afraid to be alone.
Bit much.
Just go with ...... cos I never met anyone as wondeful as you "
But that would be a lie, unless I was answering you ?? |
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
I understand how annoying it can get, I am lucky not to get this living in London but I have had relatives attempt such interrogations and this is not something I wish to discuss with anyone who is not close to me. So I am lucky not to get these annoying questions (I get the blasted "where are you from?" and "where is your accent from?" instead )
If you wanted to mess with them you could ask when they are getting divorced, have they ever regretted having children or, like that other brilliant comment, ask them why they are afraid to be alone
If you want to get rid of them in a humourous way you could give them this line "I want a man who is wealthy, a man who is sensitive, a man who is stern and a man who is gentle - then I just have to make sure that they never meet" - or similar nonsence from some joke.
Not that you asked for suggestions but I would bet that it is the stupidity of such conversations that are the most annoying! |
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"Whenever I get asked I just reply that I am not afraid to live alone and I am fine dying alone with no one around. Then ask them why they are afraid to be alone.
Bit much.
Just go with ...... cos I never met anyone as wondeful as you
But that would be a lie, unless I was answering you ??"
Smooooooth  |
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I’d say they are because the idea is that women wanna find a life partner when their in their peak of youth.
Men get it too but not nearly as much
There’s also a weird view that a man finds someone to make happy while women find someone to make them happy. |
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Before I met my husband it was ‘ ooooh your biological clock is ticking’. Now some 20 years later ‘ ooooh don’t you want to find someone to grow old with’? Really, I’m not 88 years old.
Or the other saying I detest ‘why don’t you try online dating’?…. Why! Because I’m already having plenty of quality action, I’m having more fun now than in my twenties.
Plus, the online action I get up to, would make your eyes pop out of their sockets so butt out!
Happy single |
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"
At weddings it's the older generation that come over and go 'must be your turn next' ...not So sure how they'd feel if I went over and said that to them at a funeral...  
Love this. "
Love this double! |
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I've definitely witnessed this attitude a lot. I find it strange that relationships can be seen as achievements rather than choices. Single people aren't failing at anything and many people are very much single by choice and there's nothing wrong with that. |
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Yes I get asked this aaaaall the time, especially on here! I also get guys refusing to believe that I'm single "nooo surely not, you're too (insert random reasons here!) I don't believe you!" Which is all very flattering but kinda annoying as it makes me feel like they think there must be something wrong with me, when it's literally that I'm just not looking for a serious relationship atm! I'm open to dates sure and perhaps casually dating someone, but I'm just not after something serious!
I spent 16 years with the wrong guy, wasted so many years being unhappy, and I'm now quite happy to be free and not have to answer to anyone except myself! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m single, very happy and have no intention of being in a relationship. I’d say that I’m happy with this choice but it seems to really effect others?
“Why are you single?”
“I’m sure you’ll change your mind”
“I bet you want a relationship really”
“You’ll find someone soon”
Lots of condescending and slightly judgemental comments seem to be the norm. They can’t believe that you’re happy to be single and that it’s choice.
Do other happily single singles find this? "
I would expect a lot of it, apart from perhaps a little jealousy, is because you are bucking the social norms, ie a couple. People in a partnership expect other people to be in a partnership, especially if they are attractive and there's no apparent reason why they shouldn't be. People are weird, and think their choices should fit everyone else. |
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