My daughter is moving abroad to work for a year and possibly longer. Given a young person's propensity to be glued to her phone we have joked that we will talk more when she is away than we do when she is home. We are close and well bonded and I have a lot of confidence in her abilities. This is absolutely the right thing for her at this stage in her life. None of this stops me from dreading her being so far away of course. I am excited for a new stage of life for all of us. I am also heartbroken. Quite ridiculous I know, as at some point children grow and leave and we have prepared her well, and this was always coming. Do these contradictions ring true with anyone else whose children have fledged and flown away? |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
It was your job to prepare her for exactly this, to give her the confidence, the life skills and the desire to leave the parental home and strike out on her own. You don’t stop being a parent, but you get to see them being a strong independent person who will still love to come visit you, all because of everything you’ve done for her. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Yep. All three of my girls left one by one , it’s a sad time at first but you do adjust. You get your freedom to pursue selfish goals again and a different kind of relationship with the adult you created, it’s nice to experience both. Mourn a bit then get on with it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My daughter is moving abroad to work for a year and possibly longer. Given a young person's propensity to be glued to her phone we have joked that we will talk more when she is away than we do when she is home. We are close and well bonded and I have a lot of confidence in her abilities. This is absolutely the right thing for her at this stage in her life. None of this stops me from dreading her being so far away of course. I am excited for a new stage of life for all of us. I am also heartbroken. Quite ridiculous I know, as at some point children grow and leave and we have prepared her well, and this was always coming. Do these contradictions ring true with anyone else whose children have fledged and flown away?"
Congratulations to your girl! You must be extremely proud and such a testament to you as a Mum!.
I can relate, my youngest moved to Scotland to study, then got a job in Edinburgh straight after...I was heartbroken and felt stupid but had to remember that you grieve through transitions, and I was grieving, for the little boy he used to be while remembering the man he was becoming, I thought that's it, no point in me now but soon realised that he does still need me buy in different ways
He has been with me all over lockdown and is now preparing to go back up next week to see his workmates and sort his flat out ready to be back up there full time in January...so the grieving is starting again. But I am remembering that he has a life up there and people who love him.
All I can say is keep communicating, and make plans for when you are together because it gives you something to focus on and I've kept some little bits of his because it means I have to see him to give them back
Be kind and remember it is ok to grieve that little girl and your old relationship for you to the able to forge new ways of doing things and for your relationship to evolve xx
Good luck lovely, sending you huge cwtchs x |
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"My daughter is moving abroad to work for a year and possibly longer. Given a young person's propensity to be glued to her phone we have joked that we will talk more when she is away than we do when she is home. We are close and well bonded and I have a lot of confidence in her abilities. This is absolutely the right thing for her at this stage in her life. None of this stops me from dreading her being so far away of course. I am excited for a new stage of life for all of us. I am also heartbroken. Quite ridiculous I know, as at some point children grow and leave and we have prepared her well, and this was always coming. Do these contradictions ring true with anyone else whose children have fledged and flown away?
Congratulations to your girl! You must be extremely proud and such a testament to you as a Mum!.
I can relate, my youngest moved to Scotland to study, then got a job in Edinburgh straight after...I was heartbroken and felt stupid but had to remember that you grieve through transitions, and I was grieving, for the little boy he used to be while remembering the man he was becoming, I thought that's it, no point in me now but soon realised that he does still need me buy in different ways
He has been with me all over lockdown and is now preparing to go back up next week to see his workmates and sort his flat out ready to be back up there full time in January...so the grieving is starting again. But I am remembering that he has a life up there and people who love him.
All I can say is keep communicating, and make plans for when you are together because it gives you something to focus on and I've kept some little bits of his because it means I have to see him to give them back
Be kind and remember it is ok to grieve that little girl and your old relationship for you to the able to forge new ways of doing things and for your relationship to evolve xx
Good luck lovely, sending you huge cwtchs x"
Thank you so much. I recognize that mix of emotions in your words. It is producing some conflicting emotional fallout at the moment but all of your considered responses assure me that I am normal despite my inner turmoil. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My daughter is moving abroad to work for a year and possibly longer. Given a young person's propensity to be glued to her phone we have joked that we will talk more when she is away than we do when she is home. We are close and well bonded and I have a lot of confidence in her abilities. This is absolutely the right thing for her at this stage in her life. None of this stops me from dreading her being so far away of course. I am excited for a new stage of life for all of us. I am also heartbroken. Quite ridiculous I know, as at some point children grow and leave and we have prepared her well, and this was always coming. Do these contradictions ring true with anyone else whose children have fledged and flown away?
Congratulations to your girl! You must be extremely proud and such a testament to you as a Mum!.
I can relate, my youngest moved to Scotland to study, then got a job in Edinburgh straight after...I was heartbroken and felt stupid but had to remember that you grieve through transitions, and I was grieving, for the little boy he used to be while remembering the man he was becoming, I thought that's it, no point in me now but soon realised that he does still need me buy in different ways
He has been with me all over lockdown and is now preparing to go back up next week to see his workmates and sort his flat out ready to be back up there full time in January...so the grieving is starting again. But I am remembering that he has a life up there and people who love him.
All I can say is keep communicating, and make plans for when you are together because it gives you something to focus on and I've kept some little bits of his because it means I have to see him to give them back
Be kind and remember it is ok to grieve that little girl and your old relationship for you to the able to forge new ways of doing things and for your relationship to evolve xx
Good luck lovely, sending you huge cwtchs x
Thank you so much. I recognize that mix of emotions in your words. It is producing some conflicting emotional fallout at the moment but all of your considered responses assure me that I am normal despite my inner turmoil."
Of course you are normal, it is a huge thing, I was bad enough him being in Scotland, abroad would kill me (if he didn't kill me first ) time will fly, just be kind to yourself xx |
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