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Submissive girlfriend
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive? |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive? "
Try working on
yourself before you make anyone do anything
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel like I struggled to make sence of your frasing, are you saying your girlfriend is Submissive for you but when she's with other men they have more standard vanilla sex but your wanting her to be Submissive for other men as well as yourself?
Firstly I'd say you can't 'make' her do anything, bdam is all about consent and if she doenst want to then that should be an end to the discussion. Secondly submitting to a person is quite a big thing, it requires trust and understanding between the two parties, I'd not feel comfortable submitting to a relitive stranger personally |
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No-one should be giving any advice to someone who thinks they can "make" their partner do anything, save telling them "you can't make your partner do anything."
Does she even know there's a profile here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You discuss it with her, ensure you are VERY well aware of her limits and boundaries, and you go from there.
You should not be asking random strangers.
Presume you have a safe word too? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk to her and see what she’s comfortable with and slow steps… don’t forget as much as you think you’re in charge in a D/S … in reality you aren’t… it’s about her and she determines the pace "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Submission is a treasured gift and cannot be handed out willy nilly.
Its totally the subs decision who and if she chooses to submit. It cannot be forced.
Crickey if im forced it can be like throwing petrol on a fire.
I chose to submit to Sir for very specific reasons and I Only submit to him and him only |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Make her?
Wrong word to use there, I really meant encourage "
You might want to think about lots of other words you're using because none of it sounds like encouragement |
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By *ill74Man
over a year ago
New forest area |
"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive? "
You don't 'make' her more submissive. It is her choice. Pure and simple. Consider her needs before yours. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No-one should be giving any advice to someone who thinks they can "make" their partner do anything, save telling them "you can't make your partner do anything."
Does she even know there's a profile here? "
Well thanks for the mesaage
She does, we verified it together |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Make her?
Wrong word to use there, I really meant encourage
You might want to think about lots of other words you're using because none of it sounds like encouragement "
My English is bad, will try to see if I can edit it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive?
You don't 'make' her more submissive. It is her choice. Pure and simple. Consider her needs before yours."
Makes sense |
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By *Latina_SirCouple
over a year ago
Somewhere between borders |
"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive? "
It seems u have a long way to go to learn what submission truly means . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive?
It seen u have a long way to go to learn what submission truly means . "
Makes sense, very new to all this |
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"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive? "
First, go off and do a whole load of reading up on the 'D' side of a D/s dynamic. Then when you're a lot wiser with that, go and to the same for the 's' side of the dynamic, so you can understand the needs and mindset of the average sub.
Without these basics, you're pissing in the wind and wondering why your trousers are getting wet  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive?
First, go off and do a whole load of reading up on the 'D' side of a D/s dynamic. Then when you're a lot wiser with that, go and to the same for the 's' side of the dynamic, so you can understand the needs and mindset of the average sub.
Without these basics, you're pissing in the wind and wondering why your trousers are getting wet "
Thank you, probably the best advice yet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You discuss it with her, ensure you are VERY well aware of her limits and boundaries, and you go from there.
You should not be asking random strangers.
Presume you have a safe word too?"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Submission is a treasured gift and cannot be handed out willy nilly.
Its totally the subs decision who and if she chooses to submit. It cannot be forced.
Crickey if im forced it can be like throwing petrol on a fire.
I chose to submit to Sir for very specific reasons and I Only submit to him and him only"
Thank you, lots of food for thoughts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Education. Go read articles. Educate yourself.
If she is interested she will also educate herself.
As for becoming more submissive... a lot of people will be offended by that statement. But I will assume that you have good intentions.
Her submission will deepen if she trusts you more.
Her trust in you will deepen if you display trustful behaviours. You will need to communicate at a high level, you will need to respect her choices and decisions, you will need to be a real leader.
^ that doesn't do justice to how much effort you will need to put in, to set up the conditions that will allow her to relax and let you take control.
Remember she has the ultimate control. If she says no then it's no.
Remember there is a difference between sex and a scene.
Remember that just because she says you are in control she can take that back at a moments notice.
Remember that she can change her mind and not feel comfortable verbalising that. Keep checks to see if her consent is still active. (As you get better that might change but you are on basic controls for now)
|
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"Reasonably submissive" what does this actually mean?
As for your desire to pimp her out, have you thought what that means to you etc.
If you try and push her faster than she wants you could loose her trust. Equally do you want her to do something just to please you?
Trust and communication between the both of you is my strongest recommendation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Education. Go read articles. Educate yourself.
If she is interested she will also educate herself.
As for becoming more submissive... a lot of people will be offended by that statement. But I will assume that you have good intentions.
Her submission will deepen if she trusts you more.
Her trust in you will deepen if you display trustful behaviours. You will need to communicate at a high level, you will need to respect her choices and decisions, you will need to be a real leader.
^ that doesn't do justice to how much effort you will need to put in, to set up the conditions that will allow her to relax and let you take control.
Remember she has the ultimate control. If she says no then it's no.
Remember there is a difference between sex and a scene.
Remember that just because she says you are in control she can take that back at a moments notice.
Remember that she can change her mind and not feel comfortable verbalising that. Keep checks to see if her consent is still active. (As you get better that might change but you are on basic controls for now)
"
Thank you for this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
""Reasonably submissive" what does this actually mean?
As for your desire to pimp her out, have you thought what that means to you etc.
If you try and push her faster than she wants you could loose her trust. Equally do you want her to do something just to please you?
Trust and communication between the both of you is my strongest recommendation. "
Thank you. I think i have not fully put myself in her shoes yet and that's the next step I aim to take |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Education. Go read articles. Educate yourself.
If she is interested she will also educate herself.
As for becoming more submissive... a lot of people will be offended by that statement. But I will assume that you have good intentions.
Her submission will deepen if she trusts you more.
Her trust in you will deepen if you display trustful behaviours. You will need to communicate at a high level, you will need to respect her choices and decisions, you will need to be a real leader.
^ that doesn't do justice to how much effort you will need to put in, to set up the conditions that will allow her to relax and let you take control.
Remember she has the ultimate control. If she says no then it's no.
Remember there is a difference between sex and a scene.
Remember that just because she says you are in control she can take that back at a moments notice.
Remember that she can change her mind and not feel comfortable verbalising that. Keep checks to see if her consent is still active. (As you get better that might change but you are on basic controls for now)
Thank you for this "
Don't fuck this up. You have to do the work. The statement you made at the top was one step away from being abusive. I assumed that you were new, and maybe that English might not be your first language.
People here have been in similar situations and have been in abusive relationships. Abusive men are the worst sort of cowards.
******* I know women who have fantasies about being used by a group of men but don't actually want to be used by groups of men ******
It's a fantasy.
Work on yourself. Work on communication. Talk to her. Find out what she likes. What she wants. What she will allow you to do. Her choice is final.
|
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"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive? "
Have her lobotomised ????
I'm not much help sorry ...... other than that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I got a girlfriend who is reasonably submissive in bed, but I want to push her boundaries to a point where she'd be equally submissive to whoever I want her to be.
Right now, she's into the feeling of been slutty and most of the guys we met have been rather vanilla.
How can I make her more submissive?
Have her lobotomised ????
I'm not much help sorry ...... other than that "
God no |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Education. Go read articles. Educate yourself.
If she is interested she will also educate herself.
As for becoming more submissive... a lot of people will be offended by that statement. But I will assume that you have good intentions.
Her submission will deepen if she trusts you more.
Her trust in you will deepen if you display trustful behaviours. You will need to communicate at a high level, you will need to respect her choices and decisions, you will need to be a real leader.
^ that doesn't do justice to how much effort you will need to put in, to set up the conditions that will allow her to relax and let you take control.
Remember she has the ultimate control. If she says no then it's no.
Remember there is a difference between sex and a scene.
Remember that just because she says you are in control she can take that back at a moments notice.
Remember that she can change her mind and not feel comfortable verbalising that. Keep checks to see if her consent is still active. (As you get better that might change but you are on basic controls for now)
Thank you for this
Don't fuck this up. You have to do the work. The statement you made at the top was one step away from being abusive. I assumed that you were new, and maybe that English might not be your first language.
People here have been in similar situations and have been in abusive relationships. Abusive men are the worst sort of cowards.
******* I know women who have fantasies about being used by a group of men but don't actually want to be used by groups of men ******
It's a fantasy.
Work on yourself. Work on communication. Talk to her. Find out what she likes. What she wants. What she will allow you to do. Her choice is final.
"
Great, thank you. The overwhelming feedback I get is revolved around trust, and I will put more thoughts on that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps let her voice be heard at least on your profile.
Because right now it's really all about you "
Good point. She pretty much have had next to no involvement apart from when I show her conversations before we meet, and when we did the photo verification.
Having her input doesn't sound like a bad thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Education. Go read articles. Educate yourself.
If she is interested she will also educate herself.
As for becoming more submissive... a lot of people will be offended by that statement. But I will assume that you have good intentions.
Her submission will deepen if she trusts you more.
Her trust in you will deepen if you display trustful behaviours. You will need to communicate at a high level, you will need to respect her choices and decisions, you will need to be a real leader.
^ that doesn't do justice to how much effort you will need to put in, to set up the conditions that will allow her to relax and let you take control.
Remember she has the ultimate control. If she says no then it's no.
Remember there is a difference between sex and a scene.
Remember that just because she says you are in control she can take that back at a moments notice.
Remember that she can change her mind and not feel comfortable verbalising that. Keep checks to see if her consent is still active. (As you get better that might change but you are on basic controls for now)
Thank you for this
Don't fuck this up. You have to do the work. The statement you made at the top was one step away from being abusive. I assumed that you were new, and maybe that English might not be your first language.
People here have been in similar situations and have been in abusive relationships. Abusive men are the worst sort of cowards.
******* I know women who have fantasies about being used by a group of men but don't actually want to be used by groups of men ******
It's a fantasy.
Work on yourself. Work on communication. Talk to her. Find out what she likes. What she wants. What she will allow you to do. Her choice is final.
Great, thank you. The overwhelming feedback I get is revolved around trust, and I will put more thoughts on that. "
trust, communication and respect. These are the pillers that a D/s relationship needs. And you need to understand them deeply.
If you understand them properly then it can change *your* life and how you perceive things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Education. Go read articles. Educate yourself.
If she is interested she will also educate herself.
As for becoming more submissive... a lot of people will be offended by that statement. But I will assume that you have good intentions.
Her submission will deepen if she trusts you more.
Her trust in you will deepen if you display trustful behaviours. You will need to communicate at a high level, you will need to respect her choices and decisions, you will need to be a real leader.
^ that doesn't do justice to how much effort you will need to put in, to set up the conditions that will allow her to relax and let you take control.
Remember she has the ultimate control. If she says no then it's no.
Remember there is a difference between sex and a scene.
Remember that just because she says you are in control she can take that back at a moments notice.
Remember that she can change her mind and not feel comfortable verbalising that. Keep checks to see if her consent is still active. (As you get better that might change but you are on basic controls for now)
Thank you for this
Don't fuck this up. You have to do the work. The statement you made at the top was one step away from being abusive. I assumed that you were new, and maybe that English might not be your first language.
People here have been in similar situations and have been in abusive relationships. Abusive men are the worst sort of cowards.
******* I know women who have fantasies about being used by a group of men but don't actually want to be used by groups of men ******
It's a fantasy.
Work on yourself. Work on communication. Talk to her. Find out what she likes. What she wants. What she will allow you to do. Her choice is final.
Great, thank you. The overwhelming feedback I get is revolved around trust, and I will put more thoughts on that.
trust, communication and respect. These are the pillers that a D/s relationship needs. And you need to understand them deeply.
If you understand them properly then it can change *your* life and how you perceive things. "
Are you OK if I add you as friends and possibly ask questions about our relationship down the road? |
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""Reasonably submissive" what does this actually mean?
As for your desire to pimp her out, have you thought what that means to you etc.
If you try and push her faster than she wants you could loose her trust. Equally do you want her to do something just to please you?
Trust and communication between the both of you is my strongest recommendation.
Thank you. I think i have not fully put myself in her shoes yet and that's the next step I aim to take "
If you're not submissive yourself you may not be able to put yourself in her shoes. You may or may not understand the what she tells you she feels. This is why open and honest discussions are required by you and your partner what is you truly want. Because once something is done you cannot undo it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sure.
You might not always like the advice I give. And if you are fucking around I will let you know. "
No worries, I will be my own judge, but appreciate any effort |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Reasonably submissive" what does this actually mean?
As for your desire to pimp her out, have you thought what that means to you etc.
If you try and push her faster than she wants you could loose her trust. Equally do you want her to do something just to please you?
Trust and communication between the both of you is my strongest recommendation.
Thank you. I think i have not fully put myself in her shoes yet and that's the next step I aim to take
If you're not submissive yourself you may not be able to put yourself in her shoes. You may or may not understand the what she tells you she feels. This is why open and honest discussions are required by you and your partner what is you truly want. Because once something is done you cannot undo it. "
frieda is really really smart. Her advice is always to be taken with the most respect. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sure.
You might not always like the advice I give. And if you are fucking around I will let you know. "
I can't add you as friend, your profile is hidden |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
""Reasonably submissive" what does this actually mean?
As for your desire to pimp her out, have you thought what that means to you etc.
If you try and push her faster than she wants you could loose her trust. Equally do you want her to do something just to please you?
Trust and communication between the both of you is my strongest recommendation.
Thank you. I think i have not fully put myself in her shoes yet and that's the next step I aim to take
If you're not submissive yourself you may not be able to put yourself in her shoes. You may or may not understand the what she tells you she feels. This is why open and honest discussions are required by you and your partner what is you truly want. Because once something is done you cannot undo it. "
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You want to push her boundaries - why? What does she say?
