FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Advice needed

Advice needed

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hey everyone a little advice is needed as I’m driving myself crazy. So I got chatting to a guy who was new on here. I was a bit sceptical at first if he was real. With me being a bit cautious he ended up meeting someone else who gave him a good verification. We continued to chat and this became literally all day every day. We really had a good understanding of each other and wants etc or so I thought. I eventually went to his house and we had an absolutely amazing time. Both very well matched sexually. As soon as I got home I messaged him to say I had an amazing time and left him a great verification. He thanked me and said he would do one for me but to bare with him as he wasn’t great with words. Carried on chatting the rest of the night. The next morning messaging again said we definitely wanted to meet again etc. Later in the afternoon I prompted about the veri and he messaged me this” just so we are on the same page we are both chatting and seeing other people right? “ so I asked if that’s what he wanted to do and he said yes as he hadn’t long joined but still wanted to continue to see me which I agreed was fine. The last message I sent him then he took about 2 hours to reply too even tho he was online and the following day still no verification. So I felt like he got what he wanted maybe was being polite that he wanted to see me again and had no more time for me and on to the next. I just pointed that out to him and he had accused me of being unreasonable and should of just been patient.

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did?

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By *uenevereWoman over a year ago

Scunthorpe

You are basically saying that because he didn't respond as quickly as you wanted, you had a strop?

In my opinion you were wrong and came across as paranoid and clingy. I sometimes don't reply to people for days...

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You can't help how you feel but I think it pays to be realistic on fab. You won't necessarily get a relationship level of communication.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m in two minds. On the one hand it does sound a little like he got what he wanted and that’s it. But then on the other hand, we all have busy days and busy times. It could just be a bad time for him. See how it pans out in the next few days before setting your mind about the situation!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You are basically saying that because he didn't respond as quickly as you wanted, you had a strop?

In my opinion you were wrong and came across as paranoid and clingy. I sometimes don't reply to people for days... "

Not because he didn’t reply quick enough I felt the energy change instantly that with not leaving a veri and yes this did make me a bit paranoid. I’ve met with others before and not had this situation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like you both had different expectations. I make it clear what I'm looking for out of an experience up front. And I never expect too much from someone for a first time meet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You can't help how you feel but I think it pays to be realistic on fab. You won't necessarily get a relationship level of communication. "

I think it went from 3 of relationship level communication to the day after we me hardly anything. I was expecting that eventually the level of communication would fizzle out but it went from all too nothing but being online all day. If that level of communication wasn’t there to start with then I wouldn’t of gotten so used to it guess.

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By *ongueandgroove555Couple over a year ago

Waterford

I would simply say move on OP. You meet all sorts on here and trying to figure all that shite out just isn't worth the effort. Some guys are brill and decent others aren't. He chatted got what he wanted and is moving on to the next person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m in two minds. On the one hand it does sound a little like he got what he wanted and that’s it. But then on the other hand, we all have busy days and busy times. It could just be a bad time for him. See how it pans out in the next few days before setting your mind about the situation! "

I gave it a few days. Just reached out to him and basically I’ve ruined it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I would simply say move on OP. You meet all sorts on here and trying to figure all that shite out just isn't worth the effort. Some guys are brill and decent others aren't. He chatted got what he wanted and is moving on to the next person.

Yep I guess that’s it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hey everyone a little advice is needed as I’m driving myself crazy. So I got chatting to a guy who was new on here. I was a bit sceptical at first if he was real. With me being a bit cautious he ended up meeting someone else who gave him a good verification. We continued to chat and this became literally all day every day. We really had a good understanding of each other and wants etc or so I thought. I eventually went to his house and we had an absolutely amazing time. Both very well matched sexually. As soon as I got home I messaged him to say I had an amazing time and left him a great verification. He thanked me and said he would do one for me but to bare with him as he wasn’t great with words. Carried on chatting the rest of the night. The next morning messaging again said we definitely wanted to meet again etc. Later in the afternoon I prompted about the veri and he messaged me this” just so we are on the same page we are both chatting and seeing other people right? “ so I asked if that’s what he wanted to do and he said yes as he hadn’t long joined but still wanted to continue to see me which I agreed was fine. The last message I sent him then he took about 2 hours to reply too even tho he was online and the following day still no verification. So I felt like he got what he wanted maybe was being polite that he wanted to see me again and had no more time for me and on to the next. I just pointed that out to him and he had accused me of being unreasonable and should of just been patient.

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did? "

This site is full of dickheads

FULL OF THEM

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did? "

Good evening, from what you’ve said it seemed you were consistent in your showing of keenness. All feelings are valid although being hasty in pointing out to him how you felt and the ideas you drew from how it appeared might not have been the best approach. I only say this as he would’ve revealed that if that was his intention given time, you pointing that out, even if it were true, may have played into his favour as now it’s easy to pass it off as you being seen as too keen especially since it was already agreed on it being no strings. If what’s said above is true it’s not of much help in the now. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Life’s can get in the way sometimes

But on the orther hand sounds to me like he’s got his hole on to the next and not wanting the “shaged the everone on the site tag ”

It’s one off the reason I prefer people to be as upfront with me as possible

If it’s just a one off shag they looking for then just say so and let me decide if that’s for me

9 out off 10 times it would be if i am planning to meet but I like to have have choices so I know what I am walking in to so to speak

I can detach feelings and stuff knowing it’s just a one off

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

When he was chasing you, he went from “We continued to chat and this became literally all day every day”. Then when he had got what he wanted he went distant.

I think it’s obvious. Time to leave him to it. Don’t overthink the actions of the men on Fab, or this site will chew you up and spit you out.

Sorry to sound blunt.

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By *andare63Man over a year ago

oldham

Does the verification mean that much to you?

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By *adyBugsWoman over a year ago

cognito

I think it’s just the way fab is. You can spend weeks chatting with people and actually plan to meet then they ghost you right before the date.

Or you can have a great meet and plan new stuff and then get blocked with no reason or explanation. People are just jerks.

It’s rude and unnecessary but happens, I’d chalk it up to a learning experience, don’t take it personally and just move on. Maybe even block him if needs be.

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By *nliveneTV/TS over a year ago

Selby

Yep I guess that’s it "

OP i Completely agree with these words, would be a waist of energy from your side that would not bring any good to you. Move to a new chapter because Life is too short

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By *r and Mrs always rightCouple over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I'm sorry that this left you feeling like crap, I would too.

Seems like the conversation and connection was good and flowing.

He got what he wanted, then energy and the conversation flow stopped.

Obviously not got his side of story, but this is how it seems to me.

Sadly I would say move on and hold your head high.

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can see why you feel that way. You know when something changes after speaking to someone for a while, it's easy to sense.

I would trust your gut feeling. And what your post tells me is that he had fun with you but you're no longer a priority now as he got what he wanted, so that's probably why your chat feels different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Life’s can get in the way sometimes

But on the orther hand sounds to me like he’s got his hole on to the next and not wanting the “shaged the everone on the site tag ”

It’s one off the reason I prefer people to be as upfront with me as possible

If it’s just a one off shag they looking for then just say so and let me decide if that’s for me

9 out off 10 times it would be if i am planning to meet but I like to have have choices so I know what I am walking in to so to speak

I can detach feelings and stuff knowing it’s just a one off "

Exactly that!! I have met others and have been regulars with them but there has never from the first time of messaging been that full on so it’s not like you notice anything different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think it’s just the way fab is. You can spend weeks chatting with people and actually plan to meet then they ghost you right before the date.

Or you can have a great meet and plan new stuff and then get blocked with no reason or explanation. People are just jerks.

It’s rude and unnecessary but happens, I’d chalk it up to a learning experience, don’t take it personally and just move on. Maybe even block him if needs be. "

I was thinking of blocking him and just moving on

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By *iman2100Man over a year ago

Glasgow

With the exception of the actual meet and fuck what you describe is the life of 80% of the men on here. Chat then ghost.

I do feel for you though as you invested in this man but, I would suggest, not in a way he wanted. I suggest you cool it and move on to one of the other 20,000 men on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did? "

Just a thought - how long do you "show online" for after you've closed your phone and not logged out of the site? That could be why he took two hours to reply, but still showed as online.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm wondering why you mentioned the verification to him a few times? Why did that need chasing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like you both had different expectations. I make it clear what I'm looking for out of an experience up front. And I never expect too much from someone for a first time meet. "

I think maybe as he was new he didn’t quite know what expect from fab and maybe got too involved with me snd once he realised there were plenty of hot women interested in him he thought let’s back off and see what else is about and that’s fine just when you sense that flip in energy it’s doesn’t feel great

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did?

This site is full of dickheads

FULL OF THEM"

Couldn’t agree more lol

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"I can see why you feel that way. You know when something changes after speaking to someone for a while, it's easy to sense.

I would trust your gut feeling. And what your post tells me is that he had fun with you but you're no longer a priority now as he got what he wanted, so that's probably why your chat feels different.

I'd agree with this. There is the off chance that he's got a lot on, having a bad time etc but generally... you know. It doesn't make him a cad, you just had mismatched expectations sadly. I hope the next man you meet you're more compatible with.

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"I can see why you feel that way. You know when something changes after speaking to someone for a while, it's easy to sense.

I would trust your gut feeling. And what your post tells me is that he had fun with you but you're no longer a priority now as he got what he wanted, so that's probably why your chat feels different.

I agree with this,

Sometimes people get what they want and that's it.

Just leave him to it now op

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did?

I usually don’t put how I’m feelings across but had situation with someone who said life is too short to not voice how you feel about something as it could be cleared up

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By *anky_PankyWoman over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

There is something called subdrop that is something that supposedly only submissive people feel after a decent sub/dom session and a good dom will give 'aftercare'

Its where you go from a level 100 to a level 3 in a short space of time.....

I personally think a lot of people go through a version of this after a meet too. Its all great and exciting, tension builds.... You meet and boom! Orgasms n lovliness and then that's it.

Nothing.

Some guys feel it too so continue the chatter etc, but a lot don't and you can be left feeling somewhat used. If you chase said guy you are seen as needy.

I've seen it a lot tbh as worked in clubs a good few years and its not nice.

My best advice is arrange to see friends the next day, distract yourself.

Chin up OP

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

The fact he was so full on is a massive red flag. It’s impossible to maintain and frankly unhealthy.

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By *avrick180Man over a year ago

Pontypool/Torquay

Well he was a lucky man to get a meet that quickly

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When he was chasing you, he went from “We continued to chat and this became literally all day every day”. Then when he had got what he wanted he went distant.

I think it’s obvious. Time to leave him to it. Don’t overthink the actions of the men on Fab, or this site will chew you up and spit you out.

Sorry to sound blunt.

Yes probably the best thing to do

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS over a year ago

Carlisle

Just have to accept some get what they want and that's it! Plenty more winkles in the world. Lol Though people shouldn't lead someone on or make empty promises. If he was online and blanked you that is a little rude! Hope you are okay. xo

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Does the verification mean that much to you? "

Not really in the grand scheme of things

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By *olourpurpleMan over a year ago

Waterford

I have taken a couple of days to leave a verification because it is daunting to try and put a really good one together.

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By *anky_PankyWoman over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did?

Just a thought - how long do you "show online" for after you've closed your phone and not logged out of the site? That could be why he took two hours to reply, but still showed as online."

About 6 mins. Tried and tested with a friend few years back when she was being ignored.....

Honest truth is he's probably moved onto his next one and that's what he was doing - sorry OP

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"I have taken a couple of days to leave a verification because it is daunting to try and put a really good one together. "

This is exactly me too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm wondering why you mentioned the verification to him a few times? Why did that need chasing?"

I think that he said he would do one but never did I don’t know it just made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of one with all the other things to it maybe

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"There is something called subdrop that is something that supposedly only submissive people feel after a decent sub/dom session and a good dom will give 'aftercare'

Its where you go from a level 100 to a level 3 in a short space of time.....

I personally think a lot of people go through a version of this after a meet too. Its all great and exciting, tension builds.... You meet and boom! Orgasms n lovliness and then that's it.

Nothing.

Some guys feel it too so continue the chatter etc, but a lot don't and you can be left feeling somewhat used. If you chase said guy you are seen as needy.

I've seen it a lot tbh as worked in clubs a good few years and its not nice.

My best advice is arrange to see friends the next day, distract yourself.

Chin up OP

Yes this makes a lot of sense actually I guess it’s always clearer when your not the one involved. Emotions can cloud your judgment sometimes

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By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

Have had simlar! One in particular kept asking to meet I eventually did and we had fun but not heard back from him since! And I'm never one to message first after a meet just put it down to experience! He may have just wanted a notch or praps I didnt do it for him who knows? X

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have taken a couple of days to leave a verification because it is daunting to try and put a really good one together. "

Oh right I had never thought of it like that

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks for all your advice and points of view. A lesson learned I guess and time to block and move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Life’s can get in the way sometimes

But on the orther hand sounds to me like he’s got his hole on to the next and not wanting the “shaged the everone on the site tag ”

It’s one off the reason I prefer people to be as upfront with me as possible

If it’s just a one off shag they looking for then just say so and let me decide if that’s for me

9 out off 10 times it would be if i am planning to meet but I like to have have choices so I know what I am walking in to so to speak

I can detach feelings and stuff knowing it’s just a one off

Exactly that!! I have met others and have been regulars with them but there has never from the first time of messaging been that full on so it’s not like you notice anything different. "

Can be a odd one think the best thing you can do if just chalk it up to it was what it was

Sounds to me the guys still on date app mode

As this is the kinds off things guys do on date apps to get they hole they tell you whole 9 yards and get they hole and off to the next

Instead off have his swingeing head on and says only looking for a one off and leaveing the ball In your court to decide if that’s what you want

For me personally I would rather thay told me look I just want a one off

If I like the person in that way I going to let them bang regardless if it’s a one off or more so no need for the bamming up to get in my knickers

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By *olourpurpleMan over a year ago

Waterford

"I have taken a couple of days to leave a verification because it is daunting to try and put a really good one together.

Oh right I had never thought of it like that "

It’s hard to know what to leave in and out with a verification. Especially if you’re not used to writing them. He also might be busy. It’s hard to know but your best bet is to try and not overthink it.

Hopefully it works out for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We've had people we've met month before with no verification, she even started working for us and still no verification

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is the way fab is. It just sounds like you weren’t compatible. I think it’s good to say before meeting a first time, to agree to catch up in a week or so to be clear if you want to see one another again or, if one, or both of you just aren’t feeling it, then you can say so without fear of abuse or backlash. My advice would be to try and meet a variety of people and not focus all of your attention on one. The ones who are worth your time will get in touch again and the rest, well they just won’t meet your needs. Remember this is meant to be fun for both parties and if someone is making you feel a bit off, just move on. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Life’s can get in the way sometimes

But on the orther hand sounds to me like he’s got his hole on to the next and not wanting the “shaged the everone on the site tag ”

It’s one off the reason I prefer people to be as upfront with me as possible

If it’s just a one off shag they looking for then just say so and let me decide if that’s for me

9 out off 10 times it would be if i am planning to meet but I like to have have choices so I know what I am walking in to so to speak

I can detach feelings and stuff knowing it’s just a one off

Exactly that!! I have met others and have been regulars with them but there has never from the first time of messaging been that full on so it’s not like you notice anything different.

Can be a odd one think the best thing you can do if just chalk it up to it was what it was

Sounds to me the guys still on date app mode

As this is the kinds off things guys do on date apps to get they hole they tell you whole 9 yards and get they hole and off to the next

Instead off have his swingeing head on and says only looking for a one off and leaveing the ball In your court to decide if that’s what you want

For me personally I would rather thay told me look I just want a one off

If I like the person in that way I going to let them bang regardless if it’s a one off or more so no need for the bamming up to get in my knickers "

Yeah quite possibly, he has only been on here 4 weeks so I think you could possibly be right on that one

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By *hubby CoupleCouple over a year ago

Essex

Did you give him his first verification by any chance

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By *B69Woman over a year ago

Wiltshire

As you say he’s only been here a short time and is like a kid in a sweet shop.

I understand your feelings and would say move on but think ahead, what will you do when he’s had his fun and then reappears most usually do

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As you say he’s only been here a short time and is like a kid in a sweet shop.

I understand your feelings and would say move on but think ahead, what will you do when he’s had his fun and then reappears most usually do"

I actually think now that I’ve reflected that is exactly what it is. I think I may have actually put him off now though. If he came back I would more than likely go there again. Not sure if that’s a wise thing to do or not lol

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By *adyBugsWoman over a year ago

cognito

"I think it’s just the way fab is. You can spend weeks chatting with people and actually plan to meet then they ghost you right before the date.

Or you can have a great meet and plan new stuff and then get blocked with no reason or explanation. People are just jerks.

It’s rude and unnecessary but happens, I’d chalk it up to a learning experience, don’t take it personally and just move on. Maybe even block him if needs be.

I was thinking of blocking him and just moving on "

I would then he can’t use your lovely verification either for other meetings.

I hope you feel better soon, it really sucks when you go through stuff like this. x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

Sorry you are feeling deflated after it all.

Everyone uses fab differently. Personally, even though I may chat a lot to potential meets I treat each one as if they are a one off. That way no hopes are built on either side, if after the meet you both choose to meet again that’s a bonus.

I think his line about both seeing other people was clear of his expectations and not necessarily a no, but maybe some of the follow up conversation cooled him a little or, as he did with you, he is engaged in conversation with a new person. Trying to figure out why will drive you nuts.

Verifications after a meet aren’t a given and some do struggle to write them. If I was chased for a veris I’d think they just wanted that written notch in the bed post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So my question is. Was I actually being unreasonable and acting too keen as I actually really liked the guy or was I right to feel the way I did? "

Hi, is it ok to ask why to you were so worked up about the Veri or about not getting it ?..if things were the way you said they were between the two of you l don't think the Veri was gonna make any difference, personally l think he got the feeling you wanted him to be exclusive to you which might not have impressed him plus maybe the reason he didn't give the veri was he was exactly what he said in being slow to write or genuinely didn't get the time, only him himself knows that but please don't come on to pushy or he might just not want to meet you again or maybe he doesn't do repeats, l do hope things do work out for you in whatever capacity you want it to, best wishes from Ireland to you.

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By *hubby CoupleCouple over a year ago

Essex

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd "

Ohh

Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, After all this is a fantasy land most of the time, He is most likely guarded like a lot of us, Give him a little longer you never know…some flowers take longer to blossom than others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I gave it a few days. Just reached out to him and basically I’ve ruined it "

It's not your fault, don't blame yourself. Sounds to me like he was love bombing you. He will come back and do the same again. Shag then disappear.

Don't let him fuck with your head.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sorry you are feeling deflated after it all.

Verifications after a meet aren’t a given and some do struggle to write them. If I was chased for a veris I’d think they just wanted that written notch in the bed post. "

On reflection i think I may have overreacted with the veri situation and I probably have pushed him away with my actions. I guess a lesson learned and time to just move on

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

Ohh

I think I’ve probably ruined it now and scared him off lol. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us don’t they

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My fwb took almmost 2 years to do my verification so, yeah, maybe a bit

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Sorry OP but all that sounded too needy. Sure fire way to scare anyone off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

Ohh

I think I’ve probably ruined it now and scared him off lol. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us don’t they "

Never blame yourself for being honest. To be fair, you’ll probably forget his name in a few months!

you’ll be too busy having a good time with the compatible ones x

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"My fwb took almmost 2 years to do my verification so, yeah, maybe a bit

My third social ever on here, in 2012 never verified me. We've been real life friends ever since

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

A town near you perhaps

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

Ohh

I think I’ve probably ruined it now and scared him off lol. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us don’t they "

Don't beat yourself up about it, you can't help your feelings. Onwards and upwards to the next.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

this... been there done that, move on plenty more men here

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By *eah BabyCouple over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd "

Did he give this other person a return verification?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Couple of points both men and women say nice things to get people into bed , it’s all part of the flirting , most who get what they want will change , remember it’s a swinging site not a dating site

Verification, you mentioned that a lot , did you only sleep with him to get a review? That what it sounds like ,it’s he’s choice if he leaves a review or not

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

Did he give this other person a return verification? "

Yes he did

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By *eah BabyCouple over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

Did he give this other person a return verification?

Yes he did "

Ok in that case I’d say definitely move on and forget him, I think you have let your feelings and emotions for him take over and its sounding like that’s not a good thing given how he’s been as it sounds like your both on a different page, I can imagine this will be difficult given what you have said but it’s certainly the best thing you can do for yourself x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Couple of points both men and women say nice things to get people into bed , it’s all part of the flirting , most who get what they want will change , remember it’s a swinging site not a dating site

Verification, you mentioned that a lot , did you only sleep with him to get a review? That what it sounds like ,it’s he’s choice if he leaves a review or not "

I think there a few things from his last meet that were probably red flags that I didn’t initially pick up on that got inside my head and I was unsure if he meant that he had a good time or if he was just being polite so for him to put them words into a veri was probably validation of some sort that I was seeking and then the switch in Emery just got me paranoid I guess

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By *andare63Man over a year ago

oldham

"I'm wondering why you mentioned the verification to him a few times? Why did that need chasing?

I think that he said he would do one but never did I don’t know it just made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of one with all the other things to it maybe "

I don't mean to sound harsh or crass,,, but let's face it nobody has ever written a bad verification. Have they?

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By *areToShareCouple over a year ago

Bingham

"Sounds like you both had different expectations. I make it clear what I'm looking for out of an experience up front. And I never expect too much from someone for a first time meet.

It seems that you're too involved with him. Not him with you.

You've met, you've shagged, he's moved on. He's under no obligation to verify you and as he said, he's not very good with words anyway.

He's talked to you beforehand, proved he's not a timewaster by actually turning up and he's talked to you afterwards..that alone shows a bit of respect for a woman rather than blanking completely after the deed was done.

Give the guy a break, lose your apparant emotional attachment to him and remember it's swinging site, not a dating site.

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh as it sounds, and that you continue to enjoy what swinging is about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like you both had different expectations. I make it clear what I'm looking for out of an experience up front. And I never expect too much from someone for a first time meet.

It seems that you're too involved with him. Not him with you.

You've met, you've shagged, he's moved on. He's under no obligation to verify you and as he said, he's not very good with words anyway.

Give the guy a break, lose your apparant emotional attachment to him and remember it's swinging site, not a dating site.

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh as it sounds, and that you continue to enjoy what swinging is about.

Not harsh at all and to be fair quite accurate. I’ve not had that amount of communication from anyone else from this site and I guess I got to like it snd used to it and also to really like him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I’ve messaged him and apologised and admitted that I overreacted and that I didn’t want to leave this on bad terms snd I may well have just salvaged this.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave their sound advice. I guess sometimes when emotions are involved you can’t see things clearly so I’m glad I sought advice and gave my head a wobble

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

A town near you perhaps

"I’ve messaged him and apologised and admitted that I overreacted and that I didn’t want to leave this on bad terms snd I may well have just salvaged this.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave their sound advice. I guess sometimes when emotions are involved you can’t see things clearly so I’m glad I sought advice and gave my head a wobble

Hope it all works out well for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’ve messaged him and apologised and admitted that I overreacted and that I didn’t want to leave this on bad terms snd I may well have just salvaged this.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave their sound advice. I guess sometimes when emotions are involved you can’t see things clearly so I’m glad I sought advice and gave my head a wobble

Hope it all works out well for you."

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve messaged him and apologised and admitted that I overreacted and that I didn’t want to leave this on bad terms snd I may well have just salvaged this.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave their sound advice. I guess sometimes when emotions are involved you can’t see things clearly so I’m glad I sought advice and gave my head a wobble

Apologised for what?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Life’s can get in the way sometimes

But on the orther hand sounds to me like he’s got his hole on to the next and not wanting the “shaged the everone on the site tag ”

It’s one off the reason I prefer people to be as upfront with me as possible

If it’s just a one off shag they looking for then just say so and let me decide if that’s for me

9 out off 10 times it would be if i am planning to meet but I like to have have choices so I know what I am walking in to so to speak

I can detach feelings and stuff knowing it’s just a one off

Exactly that!! I have met others and have been regulars with them but there has never from the first time of messaging been that full on so it’s not like you notice anything different. "

Yes beware of the guys that “love bomb” you on Fab - most of them are insincere and just use it as a ploy to shag. A lot of men enjoy the chase and then move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’ve messaged him and apologised and admitted that I overreacted and that I didn’t want to leave this on bad terms snd I may well have just salvaged this.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave their sound advice. I guess sometimes when emotions are involved you can’t see things clearly so I’m glad I sought advice and gave my head a wobble

Apologised for what?"

Getting paranoid snd over reacting

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it’s just the way fab is. You can spend weeks chatting with people and actually plan to meet then they ghost you right before the date.

Or you can have a great meet and plan new stuff and then get blocked with no reason or explanation. People are just jerks.

It’s rude and unnecessary but happens, I’d chalk it up to a learning experience, don’t take it personally and just move on. Maybe even block him if needs be. "

Completely agree with this...

It's so hard to actually believe people mean what they say here

It seems ghosting happens in the world of fab, just as it does on any other dating site.

It's such a shame when you meet nice people, have a great time and then they disappear.

We're all adults, I don't know why people feel the need to behave like teenagers.

It's hard to not get swept along in emotions but I think having no expectations is the way forward.

We're all just a number standing in line

Straighten up that crown love and get back out there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It feels like you became too attached to this chap without knowing. Especially if he had to say to you that you are still seeing other people...

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By *ose and her beastCouple over a year ago

Watford

Sounds very reasonable had a similar thing happen when khaos met a solo male she gave him a verification and he didn't return the favour no idea why

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When he was chasing you, he went from “We continued to chat and this became literally all day every day”. Then when he had got what he wanted he went distant.

I think it’s obvious. Time to leave him to it. Don’t overthink the actions of the men on Fab, or this site will chew you up and spit you out.

Sorry to sound blunt.

100% agree

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By *dris12345Man over a year ago

home

Really feel fir you in this. I’m someone who does really like the chat and communication side of things, and I can fully understand how crappy it feels when you go from constant chat, and that feeling of a connection to being on the end of radio silence.

I do t really know any real easy ways to get past the low that it brings, sorry

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve messaged him and apologised and admitted that I overreacted and that I didn’t want to leave this on bad terms snd I may well have just salvaged this.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave their sound advice. I guess sometimes when emotions are involved you can’t see things clearly so I’m glad I sought advice and gave my head a wobble

Apologised for what?

Getting paranoid snd over reacting "

Did he apologise?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just a bit about verifications -

When you're new to the site, I think it's nice to get a verification, so people know you're genuine... After that, does it matter???

I haven't been given verifications from everyone that I've met...and I wouldn't ask them to give one either.

I also don't make them public.

For me verifications are personal, kind of like a thank you,for being a nice person - and appreciation of a good time

We all like a little ego boost now and then and it's nice to have some feedback... but like someone pointed out, no-one gives a bad verification, so do they even have a purpose?

I actually tend to get put off by people that have a really long verification list... personally, it comes across a little vain, almost like trophy hunting.

The other thing to remember is, there are lots of people here who want to keep fab private. They may not want verifications made public for other people to read, or so others can gain access to their profile for a nose

Sex is different with every person (obviously) there's no such thing as bad sex... it takes 2 - one person's Champagne may be another person's Babycham... just sayin

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By *enithWoman over a year ago

closer than you think

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

Exactly what I was thinking ….. lots of guys who know how to charm, get the meet and that little green tick, then completely change!

Happened to me when I 1st joined many moons ago, soon learnt my lesson not to give verification 1st lol

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By *anky_PankyWoman over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

"There is something called subdrop that is something that supposedly only submissive people feel after a decent sub/dom session and a good dom will give 'aftercare'

Its where you go from a level 100 to a level 3 in a short space of time.....

I personally think a lot of people go through a version of this after a meet too. Its all great and exciting, tension builds.... You meet and boom! Orgasms n lovliness and then that's it.

Nothing.

Some guys feel it too so continue the chatter etc, but a lot don't and you can be left feeling somewhat used. If you chase said guy you are seen as needy.

I've seen it a lot tbh as worked in clubs a good few years and its not nice.

My best advice is arrange to see friends the next day, distract yourself.

Chin up OP

Yes this makes a lot of sense actually I guess it’s always clearer when your not the one involved. Emotions can cloud your judgment sometimes "

Emotions are buggers of things...

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

"Life’s can get in the way sometimes

But on the orther hand sounds to me like he’s got his hole on to the next and not wanting the “shaged the everone on the site tag ”

It’s one off the reason I prefer people to be as upfront with me as possible

If it’s just a one off shag they looking for then just say so and let me decide if that’s for me

9 out off 10 times it would be if i am planning to meet but I like to have have choices so I know what I am walking in to so to speak

I can detach feelings and stuff knowing it’s just a one off

Exactly that!! I have met others and have been regulars with them but there has never from the first time of messaging been that full on so it’s not like you notice anything different.

Yes beware of the guys that “love bomb” you on Fab - most of them are insincere and just use it as a ploy to shag. A lot of men enjoy the chase and then move on."

I’ve seen a few of my Fab friends love bombed on here. One got completely screwed over emotionally by it. To be fair it was obvious to me what was happening and I was watching from afar.

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By *hubby CoupleCouple over a year ago

Essex

"Did you give him his first verification by any chance

No he had 2 from the same person and I have him his 3rd

Ohh

I think I’ve probably ruined it now and scared him off lol. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us don’t they "

They very well do

Just have the mindset of his loss if it doesn’t work out, It’s one big rollercoaster on fab, Your be bigger, stronger and better for this experience. Now go put something nice on and go kick some fab ASSssss

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

Some men lose interest once they have caught their prey and eaten it.

On to the next hunt.

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

I rarely verify anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't help how you feel but I think it pays to be realistic on fab. You won't necessarily get a relationship level of communication. "

You must of had some good relationships - that level sounds like normal level in my world x

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"I rarely verify anyone. "

I always thought veris were a thing but it's only recently really I've realised they're not. Well, they don't have to be. It's nice keeping things a bit private and veris can make me cringe a bit.

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By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

He should have at least returned the favour of leaving a verification.

As for the rest... Well, that's Fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately it looks like he’s had what he wanted from you and is now backing off.

Fuck it, move on. He isn’t worth your brain space

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By *erfectman122Man over a year ago

from somewhere nice

It’s not worth the effort trying to figure it out

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

As you had mentioned that the guy struggling with words, this in myself would've been something to be patient about so he was able to put a lovely verification for you. But same time until this was done I wouldn't have planned anymore meetings with him until this might have speeded up things but as you also wrote taking longer to respond messages get pushed down so if he was chatting with someone else but also just because it shows that a person is online doesn't mean that they are using this site or even close to their device

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"I rarely verify anyone.

I always thought veris were a thing but it's only recently really I've realised they're not. Well, they don't have to be. It's nice keeping things a bit private and veris can make me cringe a bit."

I never ask for verifications and only give if asked and I think they need one.

I'll read other people's to be nosy though

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By *urvytreatWoman over a year ago

somewhere nice

I know you said you had a connection, but the fact he clarified that you’re just mates says to me it was becoming too much like a relationship and he’s backed off. Not everyone sends verifications either. I think you’ve got unintentionally too clingy, and I get the impression he was happy with a one off, which does happen a lot on here as it’s a swinger site not a dating site

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple over a year ago

Bexley

There are some guys on sites like this who'll quite happily say anything in order to get sex. They'll tell you how lovely and special you are until they get what they want then move on without a second thought.

Investing too much by way of emotions and expectations is risky and liable to result in hurt far more often than it does a fulfilling 'relationship' or even a series of glowing compliments and verifications. That's just the way it is sadly. The victims will mainly be women who were hoping for more than they were ever likely to get. It's nothing personal but it certainly feels that way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you were too forward/clingy etc it's only because he obviously lied to get his way and doesn't give a shit about your feelings.

You sound too good for him so I'd say move on. See if he messages you then decide what to do then.

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