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Work related problem. Any advice appreciated.
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 to go have some Haribos in the works office. So, I decided to offer a plastic tin full of Haribos, in packets, to a young lady, that was in our test centre. Who had helped her father, get through a test, by translating the questions we needed to ask him. She took one sealed packet, with a huge smile, and dad was happy for her to have them.
Our boss came back from lunch and I was in the middle of something, and I heard Haribos being mentioned. Then the tester (She's 26) said "He offered sweets to a child in the test centre and doesn't he realise this is wrong?" There was only 4 people in the test centre while this was being discussed. All colleagues.
My close female colleagues said "He has grandkids and was being kind." On the drive home, she happened to say that other test centres have been plagued by bullying and back stabbing and our centre was lucky.....I think she was trying to give me a heads up, with what had been said. Wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying as I was driving and said that in 40 years of working. Not had so much fun, in winding colleagues up.
What I would of expected her to have done, if this work colleague had doubts. Would have her come upto me and ask me why, I'd offered the customers child some sweets. I would have then explained. But going straight to the team leader. She's now, I think, forced the team leader to question me, probably on Monday.
I have nothing to hide. In the past, the above same close colleague of mine, has given some of the children stickers. I for one can't see the difference, between giving stickers, or sweets. So long as it was acceptable to the parent. Also, my local chip shop offered my ggrandaughter a lolly. As he does every other parents child.
Now my problem: I will be leaving the job next Thursday. 5 of us were due to go out after work for something to eat.
I won't be going now. As sitting across the table from someone who, thinks so little of me, to raise such an issue, within earshot of me. I couldn't contemplate having a fun evening.
I will talk to the team leader Monday morning and explain that I will at the end of the shift on Monday. Say that I'm feeling unwell and just go home. Leaving the rest of them to continue.
The close colleague is close to my age and we have a fun way of working mixed with a lot of banter and wind ups. None of which are ever taken seriously by either of us.
Am I being overly sensitive? Or, what would people's advice be, on how I move forward on this. I will be leaving the job next Thursday anyway. As going back to my old job, pre pandemic.
Any advice, much appreciated. Thank you. | |||
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"You offered her sweets, not your cock. You’re not the one with the issue. Your colleague is. If she has a complaint she should have gone through the correct company procedure and so should the Manager. You have a right to reply and the right to not have your reputation besmirched by a back stabbing bawbag." Thank you for the support. Glad it isn't me who thinks this colleague has fucked up. She had no clue how much help in translating the child had carried out to help us, get the father through the registration process: The tester could neither hear the conversation. Or, indeed see the child's reaction. When offered the tub of sweets. As the child was facing in the same direction as the tester and my close colleague was looking at me, wondering what I was going to do with the tub of sweets and was stood about about 2 metres away from the child. Dad was up at the test booth and I said for her to ask dad first. Dad as stated above, was more than happy. Just think the world has gone pc nutz at the moment.  | |||
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"You did nothing wrong. Go to your leaving do and enjoy the night. Dont give her much time or any of your personality. You cant let these type of people win. All the best in the new job." Don't think I can tbh. I'm sort of old school and if someone is being horrible. I don't have anything to do with them. Will definitely have nothing to do with her though. (The close colleague in the past, I had a face to face with and called her and another colleague, "a pair of back stabbing bitches. " Over the way they treated a team leader. Hated myself for doing it. But 2 days later. I sheepishly asked her for a natter and we resolved our differences. The pair of us were at fault. Her for taking my head off, when I wouldn't tell her why I was annoyed with her.
I have enourmous respect for her....and she's serious fun to be around. | |||
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"They’ll be too scared not to question you. Bit like the poor man who held the door open for a woman with a tray of drinks at work and she reported him. Saw HR and got in an informal warning! They probably think it’s as ridiculous as we do but they’ll be scared stiff not to react to a complaint from someone like that. Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. Glad you’re leaving. " What did he get an informal warning for?  | |||
"Work your week, head held high and be super sweet to the toxic snake. Kill it with kindness.... " "I'm horribly shy, and couldn't do that, to save my life unfortunately. Wish I could though. (With people like that, natural reaction is to blank them.)" " I am in a similar situation, lies told, boss gaslighting by using my mental health as an excuse for her employees bad behaviour I have 3 weeks left and will carry out my last weeks with dignity then taking advice on tribunal Fuck them and the toxicity. You are worth more than that " Thankyou again for your support. Seriously hope your 3 weeks go ok and things work in favour for you, at your tribunal. Sounds serious. Very sorry. | |||
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"They’ll be too scared not to question you. Bit like the poor man who held the door open for a woman with a tray of drinks at work and she reported him. Saw HR and got in an informal warning! They probably think it’s as ridiculous as we do but they’ll be scared stiff not to react to a complaint from someone like that. Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. Glad you’re leaving. What did he get an informal warning for? "For being polite it seems. Nothing wrong with holding a door open for a colleague who has his or her hands full. Totally ridiculous | |||
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"You say the team leader will probably question you on Monday, have they asked for a meeting? You may be overthinking it and nothing will be said, would be a shame to ruin your last week if nothing is going to come of it" I very well could be over Thinking it. No sleep last night, over mulling over what I was going to do....and guessing my team leader will question me....I would think she has to. It's a serious allegation imho. | |||
"Please could you give us an update after work on Monday what has happened." Will do. | |||
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" I very well could be over Thinking it. No sleep last night, over mulling over what I was going to do....and guessing my team leader will question me....I would think she has to. It's a serious allegation imho." Try not to worry about it. You don't even know that your team leader will speak to you, plus you're leaving on Thursday anyway. Try and put it out of your mind and enjoy your weekend. | |||
"Sorry this is happened. I really believe you did nothing at all wrong." Thank you. I'm 90% certain that the close colleague will sort the other colleague out, if the team leader doesn't. As she understands how I deal with things, and will know by my stand offish behaviour on Monday, that something is badly wrong with me. Have to go now. Seriously Thank you to everyone. | |||
"You say the team leader will probably question you on Monday, have they asked for a meeting? You may be overthinking it and nothing will be said, would be a shame to ruin your last week if nothing is going to come of it I very well could be over Thinking it. No sleep last night, over mulling over what I was going to do....and guessing my team leader will question me....I would think she has to. It's a serious allegation imho." Who's made an allegation? | |||
"You say the team leader will probably question you on Monday, have they asked for a meeting? You may be overthinking it and nothing will be said, would be a shame to ruin your last week if nothing is going to come of it I very well could be over Thinking it. No sleep last night, over mulling over what I was going to do....and guessing my team leader will question me....I would think she has to. It's a serious allegation imho. Who's made an allegation?" And more to the point what have they alleged? | |||
"They’ll be too scared not to question you. Bit like the poor man who held the door open for a woman with a tray of drinks at work and she reported him. Saw HR and got in an informal warning! They probably think it’s as ridiculous as we do but they’ll be scared stiff not to react to a complaint from someone like that. Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. Glad you’re leaving. What did he get an informal warning for?
For being polite it seems. Nothing wrong with holding a door open for a colleague who has his or her hands full. Totally ridiculous"Perhaps it was deemed a microagression - undermining her by actions implying she was a helpless female. | |||
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"They’ll be too scared not to question you. Bit like the poor man who held the door open for a woman with a tray of drinks at work and she reported him. Saw HR and got in an informal warning! They probably think it’s as ridiculous as we do but they’ll be scared stiff not to react to a complaint from someone like that. Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. Glad you’re leaving. What did he get an informal warning for?
For being polite it seems. Nothing wrong with holding a door open for a colleague who has his or her hands full. Totally ridiculous
Perhaps it was deemed a microagression - undermining her by actions implying she was a helpless female."Microagression 
Christ, folk need a magnifying glass to find stuff to be offended/annoyed about now eh! | |||
"Maybe your colleague was unaware you asked the dad's permission first. Haribos are not vegetarian, vegan or Halal so maybe she was worried in case this was an issue. " Yep these are issues too with offering kids food. I know what people are assuming that this woman was implying but honestly has nobody thought about all the other issues with a stranger giving a kid food when they know nothing of their background? | |||
"They’ll be too scared not to question you. Bit like the poor man who held the door open for a woman with a tray of drinks at work and she reported him. Saw HR and got in an informal warning! They probably think it’s as ridiculous as we do but they’ll be scared stiff not to react to a complaint from someone like that. Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. Glad you’re leaving. What did he get an informal warning for?
For being polite it seems. Nothing wrong with holding a door open for a colleague who has his or her hands full. Totally ridiculous
Perhaps it was deemed a microagression - undermining her by actions implying she was a helpless female."Who knows. That's the problem when discussing these things with people who don't know the whole story. Maybe the door opener has a habit of doing it then ogling a woman's breasts as she passes or standing so close that bodily contact is necessary. Maybe the person for who the door was opened has a grudge and wanted to get the guy in trouble. We just don't know | |||
"You say the team leader will probably question you on Monday, have they asked for a meeting? You may be overthinking it and nothing will be said, would be a shame to ruin your last week if nothing is going to come of it I very well could be over Thinking it. No sleep last night, over mulling over what I was going to do....and guessing my team leader will question me....I would think she has to. It's a serious allegation imho. Who's made an allegation?" A work colleague: I had my back to all 2 work colleagues plus team leader, as I was cleaning down a booth. They were about 20 foot away and I overheard only 2 snippets of the conversation outlined above. Team leader could well have put it to bed already tbh. But the problem I have, is that I've heard what a colleague is thinking about me and I've then got to share a table over a meal with that someone on Monday evening. I can't do that. Nothing could persuade me to even pass the time of day with them, while they think they can insinuate that kind of thing behind my back unfortunately. | |||
"You say the team leader will probably question you on Monday, have they asked for a meeting? You may be overthinking it and nothing will be said, would be a shame to ruin your last week if nothing is going to come of it I very well could be over Thinking it. No sleep last night, over mulling over what I was going to do....and guessing my team leader will question me....I would think she has to. It's a serious allegation imho. Who's made an allegation? A work colleague: I had my back to all 2 work colleagues plus team leader, as I was cleaning down a booth. They were about 20 foot away and I overheard only 2 snippets of the conversation outlined above. Team leader could well have put it to bed already tbh. But the problem I have, is that I've heard what a colleague is thinking about me and I've then got to share a table over a meal with that someone on Monday evening. I can't do that. Nothing could persuade me to even pass the time of day with them, while they think they can insinuate that kind of thing behind my back unfortunately." Your colleague said you were wrong to offer sweets to a child. She's made no allegations or insinuations. For what it's worth and for the reasons outlined above I wouldn't offer a child sweets without checking with a parent, which you did. | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 25/09/21 11:52:40]" Disentangling the facts from the rest ..... We have. 1. You gave sweets to a child ( parents permission ) That's it. End of. Now unless your place of work has a policy that states DO NOT give sweets to children OR some wider rule that covers that then there is no issue for anyone to talk to you about - boss or not. | |||
"It could be seen as grooming. I'm not saying you are trying to do this but that is what others could claim and it could put your job in jeopardy. The world is a very different place to that of 20 years ago. I work high up in education and have had to deal with lots of similar incidents to this. I'm not trying to scaremonger but to make you aware of the very different landscape we find ourselves in today. " Thankyou for your honest views and making me aware: Never realised how much trouble I could be in. I was more bothered about Monday evening. What a seriously mad world we live in. But certainly can understand where the work colleague was coming from now. As thought she was barking tbh. | |||
"It could be seen as grooming. I'm not saying you are trying to do this but that is what others could claim and it could put your job in jeopardy. The world is a very different place to that of 20 years ago. I work high up in education and have had to deal with lots of similar incidents to this. I'm not trying to scaremonger but to make you aware of the very different landscape we find ourselves in today. Thankyou for your honest views and making me aware: Never realised how much trouble I could be in. I was more bothered about Monday evening. What a seriously mad world we live in. But certainly can understand where the work colleague was coming from now. As thought she was barking tbh." And you're here making allegations and insinuations about her... | |||
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"It could be seen as grooming. I'm not saying you are trying to do this but that is what others could claim and it could put your job in jeopardy. The world is a very different place to that of 20 years ago. I work high up in education and have had to deal with lots of similar incidents to this. I'm not trying to scaremonger but to make you aware of the very different landscape we find ourselves in today. Thankyou for your honest views and making me aware: Never realised how much trouble I could be in. I was more bothered about Monday evening. What a seriously mad world we live in. But certainly can understand where the work colleague was coming from now. As thought she was barking tbh. And you're here making allegations and insinuations about her..." Not making allegations and insinuations: I was asking for advice. Which I'm glad I received. Otherwise, I would never had seen it from her point of view. Perhaps I should have posted in third person. But imho, easier to understand the way I typed it up. Seem to have also got that wrong as well. | |||
"It could be seen as grooming. I'm not saying you are trying to do this but that is what others could claim and it could put your job in jeopardy. The world is a very different place to that of 20 years ago. I work high up in education and have had to deal with lots of similar incidents to this. I'm not trying to scaremonger but to make you aware of the very different landscape we find ourselves in today. Thankyou for your honest views and making me aware: Never realised how much trouble I could be in. I was more bothered about Monday evening. What a seriously mad world we live in. But certainly can understand where the work colleague was coming from now. As thought she was barking tbh. And you're here making allegations and insinuations about her... Not making allegations and insinuations: I was asking for advice. Which I'm glad I received. Otherwise, I would never had seen it from her point of view. Perhaps I should have posted in third person. But imho, easier to understand the way I typed it up. Seem to have also got that wrong as well. "Ok. Best wishes in your new job | |||
"Nothing will happen O.P. You are leaving. If your boss has any sense at all they will just say a nice goodbye on Thursday. As for the social- if you don't go it will only be because of what you imagined. I do feel for you. Invest your time in something that you can focus on this weekend and don't dwell on a non event" Many thanks. Now I understand her point of view. (After advice on this thread. Thankyou.) I will talk to the close colleague and see what she advices on how to play it. But I was hell bent, until now, in not having anything to do with the other colleague. Maybe the other colleague was voicing her concerns, (correctly) and because I overheard the conversation, just jumped to the wrong conclusions. | |||
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"When faced with in inappropriate joke a great way to deal with it is to say "I don't get it, can you explain it". I'd do the same here. Make the person go into tej detail. Maybe there is something there worth considering. Maybe not. Ask them if they agree tej girl deserved recongitiin. And if so, how best to display it. " Tej detail? Recongitiin? | |||
"What kind of test centre?" Covid. | |||
"Someone is trying to throw you under the bus Keep your head held high Go to your leaving do And goodluck with your new job x" Many thanks. But the leaving do, no: If she is trying to do that. I wouldn't want to be in the same room as her.
No intention of remaining friends with any of them, except the close colleague and maybe the team leader, who has always been fair with all of us.
The close colleague will have to work with her after I've gone. So anxious to not cause trouble for her. Though she is well able to deal with something like this. | |||
"When faced with in inappropriate joke a great way to deal with it is to say "I don't get it, can you explain it". I'd do the same here. Make the person go into tej detail. Maybe there is something there worth considering. Maybe not. Ask them if they agree tej girl deserved recongitiin. And if so, how best to display it. Tej detail? Recongitiin?" yeah. I didn't proof read. The detail Recognition. Hope most could follow the gist ! | |||
"Please could you give us an update after work on Monday what has happened." Update: I spoke to the team leader as soon as I got into work, and offered to either resign, or go into a disciplinary with her but on no account, would I sit at a table, with someone who thought so little of me, at the leaving do. Team leader said I'd got it all wrong, and it was a wind up by the other lady last Friday. At the time I wasn't convinced. Then my close colleague, asked what was up. She then independently confirmed exactly what the team leader had said. Then asked why I hadn't texted or called her. Instead of having a crap weekend....So, I thought ok. I was a Muppet and then apologised to them all, and the lady that started the windup. (She never looked at me, while I was saying sorry for causing grief.) However, 30 mins later, the lady leaves, to go to another testing centre and never returned....and she never turned up at the leaving do. Don't think the close colleague would lie to me. So not sure what to think. Therefore, Unless I'm told otherwise, I have no option but to believe what the team leader and close colleague have told me and I've no wish to cause grief with anyone, so will let it go. Especially as I might be working alongside her again, before I leave. | |||
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