FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are you made to feel ashamed.....
Are you made to feel ashamed.....
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When I first joined I had quite a few meets( a mix of socials and horizontals) in my first few weeks.
This led to quote a few sniffy/snotty comments which suprised me at the time.
4 years later I know that for a swinging site some (not all) members have a very judgey attitude to sex and sexual activity.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
No but then I think that a lot of people have very judgmental opinions over what they regard as ‘too much’ activity.
It’s all a matter of whether the opinions of strangers actually concern you or not |
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"When I first joined I had quite a few meets( a mix of socials and horizontals) in my first few weeks.
This led to quote a few sniffy/snotty comments which suprised me at the time.
4 years later I know that for a swinging site some (not all) members have a very judgey attitude to sex and sexual activity.
"
Ditto, I've also received messages commenting on the number of verifications I have accumulated. I've been on here a number of years and attend a lot of group socials. For those that take the time to read them, alot are just social meets which didn't go any further.
And no I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I first joined I had quite a few meets( a mix of socials and horizontals) in my first few weeks.
This led to quote a few sniffy/snotty comments which suprised me at the time.
4 years later I know that for a swinging site some (not all) members have a very judgey attitude to sex and sexual activity.
"
I'm glad you used the word sex there which I could have used in OP but purposefully softened it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No. But then I'm not sure what you mean."
The fact that you may have sexual desires and want to express them here,
do you then encounter an attitude of disdain about that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No... But you'll always get the people that want different things and comment on threads saying 'not for me' or 'I couldn't do that' or 'don't understand that' |
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I have seen people attempt to make others ashamed. There is a lot of tacit disapproval displayed. Profiles that say they aren't looking to sleep with the whole site, people who are very slightly superior about needing a connection that sort of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No... But you'll always get the people that want different things and comment on threads saying 'not for me' or 'I couldn't do that' or 'don't understand that' "
 That's true..so how much is that a part of the potential 'shame'? |
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No but then I don't take it personally when others say that they have different wants to me, its just another incompatibility sign. Instead it makes it easier for me to hunt tbf when they have it listed on a profile or mention it on a forum that they are not promiscuous |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have seen people attempt to make others ashamed. There is a lot of tacit disapproval displayed. Profiles that say they aren't looking to sleep with the whole site, people who are very slightly superior about needing a connection that sort of thing. "
Thought provoking!
That thing about not wanting to sleep with the whole site..I kind of take that for granted with myself AND others!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No but then I don't take it personally when others say that they have different wants to me, its just another incompatibility sign. Instead it makes it easier for me to hunt tbf when they have it listed on a profile or mention it on a forum that they are not promiscuous "
Yes, no problem with anyones lack of promiscuity..but maybe it's in the way that is stated..doesn't help the atmosphere? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No but then I think that a lot of people have very judgmental opinions over what they regard as ‘too much’ activity.
It’s all a matter of whether the opinions of strangers actually concern you or not"
Too much activity for who? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I first joined I had quite a few meets( a mix of socials and horizontals) in my first few weeks.
This led to quote a few sniffy/snotty comments which suprised me at the time.
4 years later I know that for a swinging site some (not all) members have a very judgey attitude to sex and sexual activity.
Ditto, I've also received messages commenting on the number of verifications I have accumulated. I've been on here a number of years and attend a lot of group socials. For those that take the time to read them, alot are just social meets which didn't go any further.
And no I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed xx"
I'm glad you don't feel it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We never feel bad.
Family make comments about swingers all the time and snigger. Im thinking in my head like if only you knew how lovely the swinging world can be, not just about the sex.
A whole fab world i didnt even know existed until 2019.
Never ashamed, just wish could be more open but alot of the world is too judgey
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not necessarily but sometimes comments may make me feel negative unintentionally but I think that stems from wider society’s view of sex, especially of woman and their shocking ability to enjoy it"
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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On my terms? Attempted before. I don't feel ashamed about it though. I think people will always have opinions on how sex should be done. Doesn't mean they are right for everyone bar the person doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We never feel bad.
Family make comments about swingers all the time and snigger. Im thinking in my head like if only you knew how lovely the swinging world can be, not just about the sex.
A whole fab world i didnt even know existed until 2019.
Never ashamed, just wish could be more open but alot of the world is too judgey
Miss "
It's interesting how the wider society gets a mention here.
A place where we all come from too. |
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When I was an escort many moons ago a number of my clients used to visit me because they simply didn’t have time to or didn’t wish involve themselves in a relationship or have the time to do the whole courting dance so they met there needs by seeing a sexworker.
I don’t see here as any different other than the exchange of cash. People use the site for what ever needs they have all be it most but not all want the end goal sexual pleasure and that’s awesome.
We don’t all want the same thing from the same types which makes the site work and neither do we know each other’s stories as to why we are here.
So no I don’t feel ashamed at all  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I was an escort many moons ago a number of my clients used to visit me because they simply didn’t have time to or didn’t wish involve themselves in a relationship or have the time to do the whole courting dance so they met there needs by seeing a sexworker.
I don’t see here as any different other than the exchange of cash. People use the site for what ever needs they have all be it most but not all want the end goal sexual pleasure and that’s awesome.
We don’t all want the same thing from the same types which makes the site work and neither do we know each other’s stories as to why we are here.
So no I don’t feel ashamed at all "
An excellent way of putting it!!!!! |
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"No but then I don't take it personally when others say that they have different wants to me, its just another incompatibility sign. Instead it makes it easier for me to hunt tbf when they have it listed on a profile or mention it on a forum that they are not promiscuous Yes, no problem with anyones lack of promiscuity..but maybe it's in the way that is stated..doesn't help the atmosphere?"
I can see how some could take it to heart as its not their belief, but it's remembering that everyone is different, shaming is not the way forward and that includes pineapple on pizzas  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On my terms? Attempted before. I don't feel ashamed about it though. I think people will always have opinions on how sex should be done. Doesn't mean they are right for everyone bar the person doing it. "
What do you mean by on my terms and attempted before in this context? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No but then I don't take it personally when others say that they have different wants to me, its just another incompatibility sign. Instead it makes it easier for me to hunt tbf when they have it listed on a profile or mention it on a forum that they are not promiscuous Yes, no problem with anyones lack of promiscuity..but maybe it's in the way that is stated..doesn't help the atmosphere?
I can see how some could take it to heart as its not their belief, but it's remembering that everyone is different, shaming is not the way forward and that includes pineapple on pizzas "
I LOVE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I first joined I had quite a few meets( a mix of socials and horizontals) in my first few weeks.
This led to quote a few sniffy/snotty comments which suprised me at the time.
4 years later I know that for a swinging site some (not all) members have a very judgey attitude to sex and sexual activity.
"
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
These sites come with judgment. When we were active on our couples profile we used to get the timewaster accusations if we said no, or not for us etc.
Most of the sanctimonious judgmental attitudes have come from couples when switched to single male profile. You get the usual guys trying their one-upmanship tactics.
Its funny how just changing profile makes such a difference.
Fortunately have never been ashamed although many continually try to shame |
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