FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Was I in the wrong
Was I in the wrong
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Was I a dickhead in this situation, basically I arranged to meet, and I had been talking to them for ages, and sent them face pictures and other things, they then cancelled the meet, (which I was completely okay with) I then sent them a message saying okay and asked them to delete my pictures I sent them, they told me no and I then blocked them. They then messaged me asking why I blocked them, I explained why. Now they are saying that I’m a cunt and all sorts.
I just want to add that they spoke to me first after I said to them I’m happy to meet at a club. Because I’m always getting mugged off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you blocked them how did they message you back ? Did they make another profile or something ? That’s a dick move on it’s own IMHO.
It’s not wrong to ask for them to do it but once you send pics out, you’ve lost all control over them I’m afraid  |
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"Was I a dickhead in this situation, basically I arranged to meet, and I had been talking to them for ages, and sent them face pictures and other things, they then cancelled the meet, (which I was completely okay with) I then sent them a message saying okay and asked them to delete my pictures I sent them, they told me no and I then blocked them. They then messaged me asking why I blocked them, I explained why. Now they are saying that I’m a cunt and all sorts.
I just want to add that they spoke to me first after I said to them I’m happy to meet at a club. Because I’m always getting mugged off. "
They messaged me on kik |
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"If you blocked them how did they message you back ? Did they make another profile or something ? That’s a dick move on it’s own IMHO.
It’s not wrong to ask for them to do it but once you send pics out, you’ve lost all control over them I’m afraid "
I know I know, I’m not really bothered about the pictures, just want to know if I’m the dickhead in the situation.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe consider being a site supporter as you can remove pics from a message but they could still screenshot I guess. I reckon they used a carrier pigeon to send the message  |
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"I'm afraid you will need to be more selective who you send photos and share other platforms to be contacted through "
I know I know, I’m a dumbass. But in all honesty I’m just going to stick to real life. |
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I’m afraid it’s true what Jaime said about losing control of anything you put on t’internet.
Just block them on everything and forget about them. People like that spoil things for the rest of us.
Give it a few days and it’ll be tomorrow’s chip wrappers (or something like that…) |
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I wouldn't say you were a cunt or a dickhead.
I'd say both of you need to think a bit more logically.
You sent pictures. Once you send pictures you have no control over them.
You asked someone to delete them and they said no. There was no need to ask them to delete them it's already too late. So why you started that piece of power play i've no idea. He could have said O.K. and then not deleted them anyway. So why push for control .......... you GAVE him your pictures. They are no longer yours.
Then you went a step further and blocked him ( so you say as you appear to have heard from him after the blocking )
They asked why you blocked and you exp...........
I take back my first sentence.
YES. |
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"Maybe consider being a site supporter as you can remove pics from a message but they could still screenshot I guess. I reckon they used a carrier pigeon to send the message "
They sent their second message over kik |
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"I’m afraid it’s true what Jaime said about losing control of anything you put on t’internet.
Just block them on everything and forget about them. People like that spoil things for the rest of us.
Give it a few days and it’ll be tomorrow’s chip wrappers (or something like that…)"
That’s what I’ve done, and it’s kinda true. But honestly it’s my fault I should of stuck to my guns and told them I refuse to talk or say anything unless it’s at gems |
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"I'm afraid you will need to be more selective who you send photos and share other platforms to be contacted through
I know I know, I’m a dumbass. But in all honesty I’m just going to stick to real life."
You are not dumb, just learning the ups and downs of social media  |
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"I wouldn't say you were a cunt or a dickhead.
I'd say both of you need to think a bit more logically.
You sent pictures. Once you send pictures you have no control over them.
You asked someone to delete them and they said no. There was no need to ask them to delete them it's already too late. So why you started that piece of power play i've no idea. He could have said O.K. and then not deleted them anyway. So why push for control .......... you GAVE him your pictures. They are no longer yours.
Then you went a step further and blocked him ( so you say as you appear to have heard from him after the blocking )
They asked why you blocked and you exp...........
I take back my first sentence.
YES. "
Ok ok, you need to not jump to conclusions, because one, it wasn’t a man,
Two it was a couple
Three they messaged me on kik
Four thank you for clearing that all up
|
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"I'm afraid you will need to be more selective who you send photos and share other platforms to be contacted through
I know I know, I’m a dumbass. But in all honesty I’m just going to stick to real life.
You are not dumb, just learning the ups and downs of social media "
Honestly I’m just going to go with my original plan |
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"I'm afraid you will need to be more selective who you send photos and share other platforms to be contacted through
I know I know, I’m a dumbass. But in all honesty I’m just going to stick to real life.
You are not dumb, just learning the ups and downs of social media
Honestly I’m just going to go with my original plan "
That sounds like a good plan  |
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"I wouldn't say you were a cunt or a dickhead.
I'd say both of you need to think a bit more logically.
You sent pictures. Once you send pictures you have no control over them.
You asked someone to delete them and they said no. There was no need to ask them to delete them it's already too late. So why you started that piece of power play i've no idea. He could have said O.K. and then not deleted them anyway. So why push for control .......... you GAVE him your pictures. They are no longer yours.
Then you went a step further and blocked him ( so you say as you appear to have heard from him after the blocking )
They asked why you blocked and you exp...........
I take back my first sentence.
YES.
Ok ok, you need to not jump to conclusions, because one, it wasn’t a man,
Two it was a couple
Three they messaged me on kik
Four thank you for clearing that all up
"
Hey , that's okay. You asked and I was glad to help.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s why site supporter is a good option you can tick a box that deletes the pic after the person has seen it
Dosent stop them screen shoting your pic
But nothing dose
Sorry this happened to you op but I will say never send anything or post anything that your not willing to have out in the public eye as per say
I know people shouldn’t have to worry about these things but there are some nasty people out there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't say you were a cunt or a dickhead.
I'd say both of you need to think a bit more logically.
You sent pictures. Once you send pictures you have no control over them.
You asked someone to delete them and they said no. There was no need to ask them to delete them it's already too late. So why you started that piece of power play i've no idea. He could have said O.K. and then not deleted them anyway. So why push for control .......... you GAVE him your pictures. They are no longer yours.
Then you went a step further and blocked him ( so you say as you appear to have heard from him after the blocking )
They asked why you blocked and you exp...........
I take back my first sentence.
YES. "
Well I suppose you did ask for opinions and everyone’s different so there’s always the possibility of getting an answer you don’t like but I’d disagree, I don’t think you were.
When all’s said and done you live and you learn , tomorrow’s a brighter day |
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"That’s why site supporter is a good option you can tick a box that deletes the pic after the person has seen it
Dosent stop them screen shoting your pic
But nothing dose
Sorry this happened to you op but I will say never send anything or post anything that your not willing to have out in the public eye as per say
I know people shouldn’t have to worry about these things but there are some nasty people out there "
I just want to add this little bit, before I sent the pictures they were asking for pictures and it was because they sent me pictures of them, I didn’t ask for the pictures, but they sent it anyway, when I said why did you send me unwanted pictures they were like I thought you would like some..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That’s why site supporter is a good option you can tick a box that deletes the pic after the person has seen it
Dosent stop them screen shoting your pic
But nothing dose
Sorry this happened to you op but I will say never send anything or post anything that your not willing to have out in the public eye as per say
I know people shouldn’t have to worry about these things but there are some nasty people out there
I just want to add this little bit, before I sent the pictures they were asking for pictures and it was because they sent me pictures of them, I didn’t ask for the pictures, but they sent it anyway, when I said why did you send me unwanted pictures they were like I thought you would like some....."
Never feel obligated to send pics because someone sent you them without you asking
Would be different is yous both agreed to it before hand
Don’t worry about it op it’s a learning curve we all been there
you worry for about a day or two that they going to turn up on some porn site
Or posted in you local bus stop
9/10 times your pics don’t end up anywhere
And if they do then that’s nasty off them
But just say fuck it and own and rock it
People think posting nudes or a porn video or something is going to humiliate or embarrass someone
More like it has the opposite offect you be beating guys and woman off with a stick lol so just own and rock it and thank the for the new found fame and the new hottest shag on the block lol |
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"I wouldn't say you were a cunt or a dickhead.
I'd say both of you need to think a bit more logically.
You sent pictures. Once you send pictures you have no control over them.
You asked someone to delete them and they said no. There was no need to ask them to delete them it's already too late. So why you started that piece of power play i've no idea. He could have said O.K. and then not deleted them anyway. So why push for control .......... you GAVE him your pictures. They are no longer yours.
Then you went a step further and blocked him ( so you say as you appear to have heard from him after the blocking )
They asked why you blocked and you exp...........
I take back my first sentence.
YES.
Ok ok, you need to not jump to conclusions, because one, it wasn’t a man,
Two it was a couple
Three they messaged me on kik
Four thank you for clearing that all up
Hey , that's okay. You asked and I was glad to help.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe consider being a site supporter as you can remove pics from a message but they could still screenshot I guess. I reckon they used a carrier pigeon to send the message
They sent their second message over kik"
This is exactly why I don't go over to any external messageing until I am absolutely sure I probably am attracted to this person and want to meet them and for me I'd only send identifying photos on here and select auto delete. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
No you are not you asked them to delete your photos and they said no. Why would they say that, clearly they just wanted to look at your photos.
If anything there response to a reasonable request was out of order and they are the dickheads. Also once you blocked them their response suggests that they were somebody you really didn't want to meet anyway.
Guess it is lesson learned. It one of the bonus of being a site supporter is that we can delete photos we have sent. Whilst it wouldn't stop them taking a copy if they so wanted it does give us a sense of satisfaction knowing we have deleted them. |
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"No you are not you asked them to delete your photos and they said no. Why would they say that, clearly they just wanted to look at your photos.
If anything there response to a reasonable request was out of order and they are the dickheads. Also once you blocked them their response suggests that they were somebody you really didn't want to meet anyway.
Guess it is lesson learned. It one of the bonus of being a site supporter is that we can delete photos we have sent. Whilst it wouldn't stop them taking a copy if they so wanted it does give us a sense of satisfaction knowing we have deleted them."
Honestly it makes me realise that I should of just told them to leave me alone, and just left it at that,
Or at the very least not be so fucking stupid, “especially online” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No you are not you asked them to delete your photos and they said no. Why would they say that, clearly they just wanted to look at your photos.
If anything there response to a reasonable request was out of order and they are the dickheads. Also once you blocked them their response suggests that they were somebody you really didn't want to meet anyway.
Guess it is lesson learned. It one of the bonus of being a site supporter is that we can delete photos we have sent. Whilst it wouldn't stop them taking a copy if they so wanted it does give us a sense of satisfaction knowing we have deleted them.
Honestly it makes me realise that I should of just told them to leave me alone, and just left it at that,
Or at the very least not be so fucking stupid, “especially online”"
I don't think you've been stupid slightly naive maybe but that doesn't mean its a bad thing.
Personally I would never take the chat off this site until I felt completely comfortable and definitely wouldn't send photos just because they had until I wanted to. |
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"I wouldn't say you were a cunt or a dickhead.
I'd say both of you need to think a bit more logically.
You sent pictures. Once you send pictures you have no control over them.
You asked someone to delete them and they said no. There was no need to ask them to delete them it's already too late. So why you started that piece of power play i've no idea. He could have said O.K. and then not deleted them anyway. So why push for control .......... you GAVE him your pictures. They are no longer yours.
Then you went a step further and blocked him ( so you say as you appear to have heard from him after the blocking )
They asked why you blocked and you exp...........
I take back my first sentence.
YES. "
You do make I laugh, Granny |
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"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet"
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out...."
I completely disagree with that because there are plenty of ways of seeing if somebody is who they say they are by staying on the site. You can check their veri's, photos ect...
Ask for photos and go on cam. My personal experience is anybody but quickly wants to move the chat off here isn't normally worth bothering with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out....
I completely disagree with that because there are plenty of ways of seeing if somebody is who they say they are by staying on the site. You can check their veri's, photos ect...
Ask for photos and go on cam. My personal experience is anybody but quickly wants to move the chat off here isn't normally worth bothering with. "
All so if it doesn't work out chatting on here why do you think it would work out chatting on kik. |
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"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out...."
I don’t usually give my number out unless I’ve met someone. The rare times I’ve done so have usually caused me grief so I don’t do it now. If someone doesn’t want to stay on here until we’ve meet for a social then fine - we don’t meet and I’ve most likely dodged a bullet. There will always be guys who are happy to go along with what I feel comfortable with. Those are the guys who I’m likely to meet for fun times as they’ve shown me respect from the start. |
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"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out....
I completely disagree with that because there are plenty of ways of seeing if somebody is who they say they are by staying on the site. You can check their veri's, photos ect...
Ask for photos and go on cam. My personal experience is anybody but quickly wants to move the chat off here isn't normally worth bothering with. "
I do as well but that’s mostly the responses I get after I decline chatting some where else, I could literally post the reply’s I get when I decline someone. (Meaning women on here and the odd couple) (because I don’t want anyone jumping to conclusions) |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out...."
Depends on how you use other social media.
We use kik but make clear that we only use it for arranging a meet there will be no swapping of photos. We tell people that all the photos we want people to see are on Fab and if we are swapping face photos that is also done on Fab. As soon as we say that I reckon well over half half of those suggesting we move over to kik quit because they are just photo collectors nothing more. |
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"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out....
I don’t usually give my number out unless I’ve met someone. The rare times I’ve done so have usually caused me grief so I don’t do it now. If someone doesn’t want to stay on here until we’ve meet for a social then fine - we don’t meet and I’ve most likely dodged a bullet. There will always be guys who are happy to go along with what I feel comfortable with. Those are the guys who I’m likely to meet for fun times as they’ve shown me respect from the start. "
I totally understand that, that’s my rule to, but when that person (couple) then says oh you must be fake then you are not actually interested, it gets to you. I will write down in full what happened and what I have done in the past till now. Of my use of the site when it comes to people (couples) messaging me |
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"
I totally understand that, that’s my rule to, but when that person (couple) then says oh you must be fake then you are not actually interested, it gets to you. I will write down in full what happened and what I have done in the past till now. Of my use of the site when it comes to people (couples) messaging me"
If someone says you’re fake don’t let it worry you. You know you’re not fake and that’s what matters
If other people don’t understand your need to feel safe then you are doing the right thing by cutting contact now before you end up in a situation where you really aren’t safe.
You are a single woman on a swingers site and your safety must be your paramount consideration. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op, you’ve been a little naive, but not a dickhead.
Maybe some work on boundaries?
It sounds like you’ve been manipulated/guilted into sending pics and moving the chat off here, it’s up to you to control that. Decide what your boundaries are, and stick to them. If someone pushes that, it gives you a good idea of what they are like.
Be gentle with yourself, you’ve made some mistakes, and instead of beating yourself up, learn from them and move forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you blocked them how did they message you back ? Did they make another profile or something ? That’s a dick move on it’s own IMHO.
It’s not wrong to ask for them to do it but once you send pics out, you’ve lost all control over them I’m afraid "
So, this means that I'm not a paranoid for not sending face pics on here? I'll cancel my appointment to the doctor then.  |
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Did you speak to them on the telephone before sending photos, or was it only messages on here? If it was only through exchange of messages, you just exemplified the reason why I won't exchange full face photos until after a phone call, please or offend, including a few words with the lady. Without hearing human voices, photo exchange with cancelling to follow usually means it's a closet gay or bi guy you have connected with who is after some inspiration to assist him as he beats his meat on the toilet seat. |
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By *lipy123TV/TS
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"this is why we dont use kik or any of the others and keep messages on here, then swap numbers just before a meet
Well that’s the thing, that was my rule, I would rather just chat on here and then see where it goes, but when you hear the same excuse, of oh it’s better to chat else where and that fab doesn’t allow you to see who’s real, you start to feel guilty and think as long as it gives them a peace of mind put their mind at ease.
It’s more complicated than just stick to talking on here. Doesn’t always work out....
I don’t usually give my number out unless I’ve met someone. The rare times I’ve done so have usually caused me grief so I don’t do it now. If someone doesn’t want to stay on here until we’ve meet for a social then fine - we don’t meet and I’ve most likely dodged a bullet. There will always be guys who are happy to go along with what I feel comfortable with. Those are the guys who I’m likely to meet for fun times as they’ve shown me respect from the start.
I totally understand that, that’s my rule to, but when that person (couple) then says oh you must be fake then you are not actually interested, it gets to you. I will write down in full what happened and what I have done in the past till now. Of my use of the site when it comes to people (couples) messaging me"
You have learned a lot from the response's to your question. Take the advice onboard and use it.
Don't break you own rules to please other's you don't have to prove anything if they don't like it they can jog on  |
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Sorry for the late response, been at work. But I’m here to reply to everyone. I have read all of your suggestions, and some of them I have already implemented. Like keeping the messaging on fab, not sending pictures unless I feel 100% comfortable.
But this situation was a tiny bit different, or should I say keeps happening from time to time. The reason why they messaged me on kik was because they told me that they didn’t trust my account that I was fake, but in a much nicer way.
That’s when they started to act different, and that’s when I stopped talking to them |
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