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Cheesy dad jokes needed!
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An English man, a french man, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands on a wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me, now?"
"Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Four nuns die and reach the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is there next to a font of holy water.
When the first nun stands before him, Peter asks, "Have you committed any sin, my child?" The nun replies, "I am ashamed to admit it, but I once looked upon a penis." Peter says, "It is alright, child. Wash your eyes with holy water and your sin will be absolved." The nun dips her face in the font holy water to wash her eyes and she is allowed in.
When the second nun stands before him, Peter asks, "Have you committed any sin, my child?" The nun replies, "I am ashamed to admit it, but I once touched a penis." Peter says, "It is alright, child. Wash your hands with holy water and your sin will be absolved." The nun dips her hands in the font of holy water to wash them and she is allowed in.
At that moment, Peter becomes aware of a shuffling noise, and then notices one of the two remaining nuns pushing her way forward, pushing aside the other. Frowning at her impatience, Peter asks, "what is it with all this rushing and pushing? Why did you push Sister Mary out of the way?”. The impatient nun breathlessly replies: "I want to gargle the water before Sister Mary has to stick her ass in there!” |
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"An English man, a french man, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands on a wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me, now?"
"Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja.""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A guy goes to the doctors with a wombat growing out of his head.
The doctor says "wow, how did that happen?"
The wombat replies " it started off as a boil on my bum". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A bloke calls his mate, the horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'
'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'
So, the dwarf shows up, and the breeder asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'
So he shows him a prized filly.
'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'
So the breeder picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'
The breeder is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
'Nice mouf, can I see her twot?'
Totally mad at this point, the breeder grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's backside, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephwase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?' |
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