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Men - a question
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature.
So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature.
So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation?"
I've been shaped by several factors.
Family, close friends, previous life experiences - oh - and beer, wine and fudge cake!!
I'm not bothered at all as to how others _iew me - I'm me - and if they don't like it they can jog on! I gave up trying to do things to impress long ago - and I'm much happier being content with who I am!  |
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If I was out to impress other men, certainly those in my peer group of family, I would not be the man I am today. I would be an alcohol-swilling, sexist homophobe who thought good banter was to pick on people's faults for a good slagging and who thought that imprisoning, torturing, raping and killing animals for my selfish pleasure was a good and ethical way to feed myself.
I suppose reacting to things I don't like (and some things I do) about other men has helped shape my personality and beliefs. But ditto women. I have also been shaped by reading and other lifetime experiences.
So I think it is too simplistic to say that men are shaped by trying to impress other men as I have rarely had many male friends, never mind ones I have wanted to impress. And, while there are men I admire (Shaw, Dawkins, Ghandi, Morrissey, Hitchins), there are none I would consider idols.
Now, going out to impress women...that has been a lifetime's work! (not that I claim to have been particularly successful at it). |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Interesting responses, thank you.
The episode on sex was particularly interesting. It seems the construct of men can't control themselves and it is women at fault for leading them on is relatively modern (200 years or so).
It is worth listening to. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature.
So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation?
I've been shaped by several factors.
Family, close friends, previous life experiences - oh - and beer, wine and fudge cake!!
I'm not bothered at all as to how others _iew me - I'm me - and if they don't like it they can jog on! I gave up trying to do things to impress long ago - and I'm much happier being content with who I am! "
What was the point at which you realised impressing others wasn't the way to go? Was it something specific or more of a journey? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"If I was out to impress other men, certainly those in my peer group of family, I would not be the man I am today. I would be an alcohol-swilling, sexist homophobe who thought good banter was to pick on people's faults for a good slagging and who thought that imprisoning, torturing, raping and killing animals for my selfish pleasure was a good and ethical way to feed myself.
I suppose reacting to things I don't like (and some things I do) about other men has helped shape my personality and beliefs. But ditto women. I have also been shaped by reading and other lifetime experiences.
So I think it is too simplistic to say that men are shaped by trying to impress other men as I have rarely had many male friends, never mind ones I have wanted to impress. And, while there are men I admire (Shaw, Dawkins, Ghandi, Morrissey, Hitchins), there are none I would consider idols.
Now, going out to impress women...that has been a lifetime's work! (not that I claim to have been particularly successful at it)."
This is very interesting as I can read this as being shaped by the men around you. Not to be like them but to be as much unlike them as possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting responses, thank you.
The episode on sex was particularly interesting. It seems the construct of men can't control themselves and it is women at fault for leading them on is relatively modern (200 years or so).
It is worth listening to."
is that really worth listening to? lol...along with the men think about sex every 3 minutes nonsense etc etc..I take much of that 'statistical data' as pure pish.I certainly dont think about sex when I'm playing with my cat, or indeed the many other cases that arise in life.Which is quite amazing when most would consider me having more of a sex drive than others.Things like that never add up in my thinking.
I'd gather much of this evidence is based around the some of the flawed freudian theories on sexual development. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Interesting responses, thank you.
The episode on sex was particularly interesting. It seems the construct of men can't control themselves and it is women at fault for leading them on is relatively modern (200 years or so).
It is worth listening to.
is that really worth listening to? lol...along with the men think about sex every 3 minutes nonsense etc etc..I take much of that 'statistical data' as pure pish.I certainly dont think about sex when I'm playing with my cat, or indeed the many other cases that arise in life.Which is quite amazing when most would consider me having more of a sex drive than others.Things like that never add up in my thinking.
I'd gather much of this evidence is based around the some of the flawed freudian theories on sexual development."
The whole series was interesting. It was based on case studies, looking at history and the flawed theories. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"not really thought about it, other than I've always really felt unique
in my psychological makeup
Does that come from the work you have done?"
as in working with people for mental health??...nope lol..I think I've just had a balanced _iew of the nature nurture debates, and I tend to think its a level of newtonian thinking that everything is clockwork and pre-determined to explain much of the humnan experience.After all, its basically saying we cant change who we are from the biological _iewpoint, and that everything has an eventual reason.Whether it be psychological ,biological, experts will claim stupid stuff to validate previous experts findings, just to make sense of things that are actually outwith their knowledge of understanding. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"not really thought about it, other than I've always really felt unique
in my psychological makeup
Does that come from the work you have done?
as in working with people for mental health??...nope lol..I think I've just had a balanced _iew of the nature nurture debates, and I tend to think its a level of newtonian thinking that everything is clockwork and pre-determined to explain much of the humnan experience.After all, its basically saying we cant change who we are from the biological _iewpoint, and that everything has an eventual reason.Whether it be psychological ,biological, experts will claim stupid stuff to validate previous experts findings, just to make sense of things that are actually outwith their knowledge of understanding."
Thank you. That is very insightful. |
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"Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature"
"So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation?"
From the type of 'shaping' you mean, I think i was influenced by:
Both my parents...Father in some ways Mother in others.
Teachers (certain teachers in particular)and peers at school
Scout Leaders and other youth leaders and my peers in those organisations.
Where do women feature? Mainly as friends and confidants I think.
As for the "aspire to impress other men" as far as I'm concerned the only people I've really tried to impress are my parents - they sacrificed so I could get my education (didn't realise the sacrifice at the time but do very much now).
As for everyone else you will have to take me as I am ...bit 'Marmite' you'll either like me or not. |
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"Interesting responses, thank you.
The episode on sex was particularly interesting. It seems the construct of men can't control themselves and it is women at fault for leading them on is relatively modern (200 years or so).
It is worth listening to."
Only 200yrs? Id have thought it's atleast 2000 yrs old what with Adam & Eve in the garden of Eden and id be surprised if that's the first written account.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature.
So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation?"
Impress women, I get. Impress men, not sure. I'm not convinced. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Eve wasn't Adams first wife
Lilith isn't in the christian bible any more is she? But back then women were blamed for everything, just look at the story of Pandora's box..."
Lillith was written out.
Blaming women for all sorts is not new - the mystery of giving birth has confounded men for many years. The change the series raised was that literature advanced a _iew of men having urges that had to be satisfied and that has shaped gender politics ever since. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I grew up with my mum and sister and zero relationship with my absent father... so no real male role models
until Marc Boaln appeared on screen.
then eye liner, sparkles and on my knees cock sucking.
Happy Days |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I grew up with my mum and sister and zero relationship with my absent father... so no real male role models
until Marc Boaln appeared on screen.
then eye liner, sparkles and on my knees cock sucking.
Happy Days "
Wanting to emulate and even impress Marc Bolan is perfectly understandable. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"I grew up with my mum and sister and zero relationship with my absent father... so no real male role models
until Marc Boaln appeared on screen.
then eye liner, sparkles and on my knees cock sucking.
Happy Days
Wanting to emulate and even impress Marc Bolan is perfectly understandable."
cheers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature.
So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation?"
I shaped me and woman fit between me and the mattress just like every other guy or the straight ones  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Listening to a series on men it concluded that men are made by their peers and idols. Men will aspire to impress other men and women just don't really feature.
So, men, who or what shaped you and where do women fit into your equation?
I shaped me and woman fit between me and the mattress just like every other guy or the straight ones "
You never have you between a woman and the mattress? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure that the series you were watching was accurate ... it depends if a guy growns up in a patriarchy or a matriarchy and if he was either positively or negatively infulenced by it and ... oh god here we go with the Freudian stuff LOL |
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"If I was out to impress other men, certainly those in my peer group of family, I would not be the man I am today. I would be an alcohol-swilling, sexist homophobe who thought good banter was to pick on people's faults for a good slagging and who thought that imprisoning, torturing, raping and killing animals for my selfish pleasure was a good and ethical way to feed myself.
I suppose reacting to things I don't like (and some things I do) about other men has helped shape my personality and beliefs. But ditto women. I have also been shaped by reading and other lifetime experiences.
So I think it is too simplistic to say that men are shaped by trying to impress other men as I have rarely had many male friends, never mind ones I have wanted to impress. And, while there are men I admire (Shaw, Dawkins, Ghandi, Morrissey, Hitchins), there are none I would consider idols.
Now, going out to impress women...that has been a lifetime's work! (not that I claim to have been particularly successful at it).
This is very interesting as I can read this as being shaped by the men around you. Not to be like them but to be as much unlike them as possible."
That is true, but the original suggestion was that men try to "impress" other men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I be different and suggest it is actually the women that I have loved that have shaped me and not the men ?
It is them who have given me the wherewithall, the confidence and the life skills to mature into actually quite a decent bloke.
The only man that has (knowledgeably) shaped me is my Dad and that is a genetic thing, because we are so similar.
Bussy is definately a chip off the old block. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Can I be different and suggest it is actually the women that I have loved that have shaped me and not the men ?
It is them who have given me the wherewithall, the confidence and the life skills to mature into actually quite a decent bloke.
The only man that has (knowledgeably) shaped me is my Dad and that is a genetic thing, because we are so similar.
Bussy is definately a chip off the old block."
I am sure we could make an equally interesting programme setting out the evidence and affect of women shaping men. There would be as many interesting case studies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was shaped by movies, Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood etc.
Music also helped shape me, G n R etc.
So, that means I walk like a chinese bloke with a cowboy hat on carrying a guitar  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I was shaped by movies, Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood etc.
Music also helped shape me, G n R etc.
So, that means I walk like a chinese bloke with a cowboy hat on carrying a guitar "
That's some shape to see, I'm sure. |
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