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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Since joining I have noticed a lot of people in the forums use the word “fetishised” or thereabouts as if it’s a bad thing. Is it? I mean I feel fine being fetishised truly maybe it makes others uncomfortable. Correct me if I’m wrong isn’t just a similar meaning to attraction? Let me know your thoughts. CBJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No it is not. I don't want to be look at just through a teeny tiny lense of something or bounded by a fetish thought of whatever kind at each sexual experience, meaning IT (whatever it is for someone) being a necessity during the act to achieve sexual satisfaction. Somehow it doesn't appeal to me. Feels like marginalising the whole Rest of me? I don't know if it makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a difference
For example I like women in boots but I am quite sure the majority of women who wear boots would not appreciate me focusing on that one thing and forgetting about them as a person (not something I do but as an example) |
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When we had our age filters set lower we had messages from men in their 20s who's basis for being attracted to me (f) was my age. I feel that this objectified me as they were seeing an age not a person and I don't like feeling that way.
I don't know if that's a fetish or not though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it is not. I don't want to be look at just through a teeny tiny lense of something or bounded by a fetish thought of whatever kind at each sexual experience, meaning IT (whatever it is for someone) being a necessity during the act to achieve sexual satisfaction. Somehow it doesn't appeal to me. Feels like marginalising the whole Rest of me? I don't know if it makes sense. "
I kind of understand what you mean especially in regards to a longer term fun/relationship. But let’s say in a club or event or one off would it not be down to let’s say how one looks or something initially? |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No it is not. I don't want to be look at just through a teeny tiny lense of something or bounded by a fetish thought of whatever kind at each sexual experience, meaning IT (whatever it is for someone) being a necessity during the act to achieve sexual satisfaction. Somehow it doesn't appeal to me. Feels like marginalising the whole Rest of me? I don't know if it makes sense.
I kind of understand what you mean especially in regards to a longer term fun/relationship. But let’s say in a club or event or one off would it not be down to let’s say how one looks or something initially?"
Oh I don't do clubs/parties so wouldn't know.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet"
Hmm when you put it like that I kind of understand. I like Maisie Smith her ginger hair really heats me up. But is it the hair or her that’s really got me thinking now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it is not. I don't want to be look at just through a teeny tiny lense of something or bounded by a fetish thought of whatever kind at each sexual experience, meaning IT (whatever it is for someone) being a necessity during the act to achieve sexual satisfaction. Somehow it doesn't appeal to me. Feels like marginalising the whole Rest of me? I don't know if it makes sense.
I kind of understand what you mean especially in regards to a longer term fun/relationship. But let’s say in a club or event or one off would it not be down to let’s say how one looks or something initially?
Oh I don't do clubs/parties so wouldn't know. "
Understandable I’ve never been myself just a scenario lol |
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To fetishise something is to place an abnormal emphasis on that element of (in this case) desire. Ergo, and using the age related reply above, if the sole reason for contacting the older lady is because they are older, that is a fetish. If it is incidental to the desire (everyone knows us oldies know our way around ours and others bodies) then it is simply attraction.
The same can be said for boots. They can certainly make a lady more desirable (attraction) or they can be the only reason the lady is desirable (fetish). |
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To me I don't like being fetishized. I don't messages where I'm referred to as a snow bunny nor when I get messages I've never had a redhead. There is more to me than these individual traits. It's fine to like them but when someone starts a conversation based on them, it makes me feel like I'm a tick in a box for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet"
Very Well said!
This is further proven when person A accepts/loves being fetishised, and then the same process is applied to person B, who kicks off about it, and then is made to feel as thought they are over reacting because they don’t want to be fetishised. Its not very nice. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I am happy to be fetishised for my submission as that is something that I freely give.
I do not like being fetishised for my size or age. Both are things that are variable and quite superficial. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet"
Exactly this. Being attracted to a person is more than just one thing about them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet
Exactly this. Being attracted to a person is more than just one thing about them."
Why can’t it be just one thing ? |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet
Exactly this. Being attracted to a person is more than just one thing about them.
Why can’t it be just one thing ?"
Many people don't want to be boiled down to one part of them. |
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"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet
Exactly this. Being attracted to a person is more than just one thing about them.
Why can’t it be just one thing ?
Many people don't want to be boiled down to one part of them."
This.
I am so much more than my age or the fact I have pubic hair.
I have had messages where I feel fetishised for both of these. It's not something I'm comfortable with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The difference is that fetishisation is a very impersonal thing, it becomes about the ‘thing’ and not the person, and can be very damaging.
Whilst you might not mind being fetishised (some guys enjoy that aspect of sex) for many people fetishisation is a disconnect between fetish and the person.
I’ve known people to be fetishised for body shape, hair colour, race, etc. When it’s about that ‘thing’ it’s not about the person and it’s not that person that they actually want to meet
Exactly this. Being attracted to a person is more than just one thing about them.
Why can’t it be just one thing ?
Many people don't want to be boiled down to one part of them.
This.
I am so much more than my age or the fact I have pubic hair.
I have had messages where I feel fetishised for both of these. It's not something I'm comfortable with. "
Understandable, the thing is a majority of men are visual creatures we see what we like, we don’t need to learn more to know if we want to do the deed, although I know this is different for women or the smaller majority of men. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Understandable, the thing is a majority of men are visual creatures we see what we like, we don’t need to learn more to know if we want to do the deed, although I know this is different for women or the smaller majority of men."
And therein lies part of the problem where men feel they are being unreasonably rejected.
I'm never going to respond to someone who jumps in with my skin colour, age, size, feet or pubic hair. Make me think you want much more than that and you get your fetish met. |
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