FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Should I say
Should I say
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I had a really good first date with someone from a dating site last night... That led on to the morning after being good too 
She's wanting things to be like bf/gf stuff, and she is a bit kinky, so it's all good from my point of view.
Was thinking of casually dropping into conversation something like "I'll need to tell my swinging friends I'm off the market now" and see where that leads.
Has anyone here ever mentioned it to a new partner, and how did it go? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you want to continue swinging?
I've never been in that situation but if I was I'd mention it straight away. I'm a firm believer in cards on the table in a respectful way from the off."
Well I'm not REALLY swinging right now, only had a couple of meets.
I'd like to do it as a couple (clubs etc.) but don't want to scare her off after 1 date x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy. |
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"Do you want to continue swinging?
I've never been in that situation but if I was I'd mention it straight away. I'm a firm believer in cards on the table in a respectful way from the off.
Well I'm not REALLY swinging right now, only had a couple of meets.
I'd like to do it as a couple (clubs etc.) but don't want to scare her off after 1 date x"
Is it essential to a good relationship for you or a nice add on if she was interested?
I think being able to say "I enjoy sex with more than one person but it isn't a deal breaker if you don't" would be great but I appreciate that not everyone likes that level of honesty. |
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"In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy. "
Maybe , but there should be more to being a keeper than if you fuck others.....
If she fucks others she's okay but if she doesn't she becomes undateable. ??? |
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" "I'll need to tell my swinging friends I'm off the market now""
Sounds good. You could always play it as a joke if things go south. …and if not, go on to add “maybe we could upgrade to a couple’s account. how would you describe yourself in the bio”  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy.
Maybe , but there should be more to being a keeper than if you fuck others.....
If she fucks others she's okay but if she doesn't she becomes undateable. ??? "
That's not what I said. If she enjoys doing what he enjoys doing she's a keeper. Was that not clear. Sorry. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Was thinking of casually dropping into conversation something like "I'll need to tell my swinging friends I'm off the market now" and see where that leads.
If you say that to her and she expects monogamy will you be happy? |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy.
Maybe , but there should be more to being a keeper than if you fuck others.....
If she fucks others she's okay but if she doesn't she becomes undateable. ???
That's not what I said. If she enjoys doing what he enjoys doing she's a keeper. Was that not clear. Sorry. "
And if she doesn't, he gets rid? |
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Ask what her opinion is of swinging and tell her you have dabled in a past life.
You'll be able to guage her from her response and then it's up to you to decide how your proceed from there. She may surprise you and say she frequents the local swinging club to tackle 4 guys at once 
Either way don't mess her around. To be honest judging by the lack of success some of the guys seem to have on here I'd rather a relationship with someone and no swinging over the odd opportunity to be a +1 to a couple or lady for a night.
But only the both of you know the right answer but I'd be honest sooner rather than later.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, I have raised the subject in the past with a girlfriend, including the possibility of swinging. She wasn't keen on swinging (didn't rule it out), but was ok, but then she was quite broad minded and her best friend was on a swinging site. I guess it comes down to the individual. Everybody reacts differently. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Part of me feels it’s a bit soon. You’ve only had one night together.
Part of me feels like mmm if you spend time with someone thinking it’s all bells and whistles and then they drop in they’re in to swinging, it’s quite the pisser. It’s not like stamp collecting. It involves them having to share you (maybe) sexually, and the average woman outside of Fab may not dig that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy.
Maybe , but there should be more to being a keeper than if you fuck others.....
If she fucks others she's okay but if she doesn't she becomes undateable. ???
That's not what I said. If she enjoys doing what he enjoys doing she's a keeper. Was that not clear. Sorry.
And if she doesn't, he gets rid?"
No not necessarily. I didn't say that. Obviously to someone who doesn't swing, swinging is an unknown territory. I can't look into my crystal ball and tell you what she's going to feel or say. I'm just telling the dude my opinion and that's do what makes you happy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the replies so far.
If she wasn't into it I'd be fine with that. She's not getting dumped for only wanting me! (I understand why a girl wouldn't want to share me )
Just thought it might add a little extra spice from the outset if I bring it up early and she's into it or up for trying x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Absolutely mention it.
Hubby was swinging before we met and was totally upfront about it. I'd never done it before but here we are 14 years later  "
That's so cool!
I'd say it sounds like a happy ending, but it's not the end. Maybe many "happy endings" would be better suited  |
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"In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy.
Maybe , but there should be more to being a keeper than if you fuck others.....
If she fucks others she's okay but if she doesn't she becomes undateable. ???
That's not what I said. If she enjoys doing what he enjoys doing she's a keeper. Was that not clear. Sorry. "
You just said it again. Is it not clear to you ? |
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How long should one leave it before mentioning something like this? I'd feel slightly misled if after six weeks a bit said "oh by the way swinging is a big deal for me" I wouldn't expect full background disclosure on date one but it seems to me that many relationships flounder because one or both have felt unable to reveal their actual requirements for fear of scaring the other one off. That seems counter productive to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a 50/50. She's either into it or she isn't and if she isn't she's probably 9 times out of 10 not going to be convinced. So.. She'll probably get going.. But in the end if youre entering into a relationship but cancelling out something you really enjoy, is that a relationship you want? Id definately throw that line in. Go fishing. You might find she's a keeper buddy.
Maybe , but there should be more to being a keeper than if you fuck others.....
If she fucks others she's okay but if she doesn't she becomes undateable. ???
That's not what I said. If she enjoys doing what he enjoys doing she's a keeper. Was that not clear. Sorry.
You just said it again. Is it not clear to you ?"
No. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question."
Sorry, I didn't do it intentionally.
Not a lot of conversation before meeting, no expectations set out from either party, but we clicked and it's the best date either of us had had in a long time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question."
I reread the thread.
You want to introduce a woman you met on a dating site (who may have different expectations to yours) to the world of swinging.
Just like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question.
Sorry, I didn't do it intentionally.
Not a lot of conversation before meeting, no expectations set out from either party, but we clicked and it's the best date either of us had had in a long time. "
No expectations set out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question. I reread the thread.
You want to introduce a woman you met on a dating site (who may have different expectations to yours) to the world of swinging.
Just like that."
I'm thinking of bringing it up, guage her reaction. If she's never tried it, see if she'd like to (with me).
If she does, great.
If she doesn't I'll still keep dating her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question. I reread the thread.
You want to introduce a woman you met on a dating site (who may have different expectations to yours) to the world of swinging.
Just like that.
I'm thinking of bringing it up, guage her reaction. If she's never tried it, see if she'd like to (with me).
If she does, great.
If she doesn't I'll still keep dating her. "
What if she fucks off after hearing about it? |
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Imagine if you mentioned it and she said oh thank goodness for that as I’m on fab and didn’t know how to tell you! Would you want her to tell you from the start or later on in the relationship if she was? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question. I reread the thread.
You want to introduce a woman you met on a dating site (who may have different expectations to yours) to the world of swinging.
Just like that.
I'm thinking of bringing it up, guage her reaction. If she's never tried it, see if she'd like to (with me).
If she does, great.
If she doesn't I'll still keep dating her. What if she fucks off after hearing about it?"
Well that's the upside of me not being very experienced at it. I don't think she can be scared of something I've barely started. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Imagine if you mentioned it and she said oh thank goodness for that as I’m on fab and didn’t know how to tell you! Would you want her to tell you from the start or later on in the relationship if she was? "
Good question!
I'd rather know from the start. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a girl says to me in bed "please tell me your into anal" that's always a good starting point Hello...you skipped my question. I reread the thread.
You want to introduce a woman you met on a dating site (who may have different expectations to yours) to the world of swinging.
Just like that.
I'm thinking of bringing it up, guage her reaction. If she's never tried it, see if she'd like to (with me).
If she does, great.
If she doesn't I'll still keep dating her. What if she fucks off after hearing about it?
Well that's the upside of me not being very experienced at it. I don't think she can be scared of something I've barely started. "
You would be suprised...some women would run a mile if it was just a thought in your head. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me after 1 date thats way to soon, I'd rather have an honest conversation about what kinks both of you are into, playing never have I ever is a good icebreaker Into 20 questions"
I'll keep that in mind if I can't find a good time to bring it up! Thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me after 1 date thats way to soon, I'd rather have an honest conversation about what kinks both of you are into, playing never have I ever is a good icebreaker Into 20 questions
I'll keep that in mind if I can't find a good time to bring it up! Thanks x"
 Take your time there is no need to rush things.
Find out if you really like the lady first...
OR do you just want to use her to enhance a swinging lifestyle? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me after 1 date thats way to soon, I'd rather have an honest conversation about what kinks both of you are into, playing never have I ever is a good icebreaker Into 20 questions
I'll keep that in mind if I can't find a good time to bring it up! Thanks x Take your time there is no need to rush things.
Find out if you really like the lady first...
OR do you just want to use her to enhance a swinging lifestyle?"
I don't use people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me after 1 date thats way to soon, I'd rather have an honest conversation about what kinks both of you are into, playing never have I ever is a good icebreaker Into 20 questions
I'll keep that in mind if I can't find a good time to bring it up! Thanks x Take your time there is no need to rush things.
Find out if you really like the lady first...
OR do you just want to use her to enhance a swinging lifestyle?
I don't use people. "
Good |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Hmmm. Its a difficult one. There's limited connection yet. The odds are with the percentage of people into swinging, that her aminability to it will be low. Could it simply be pleasant while it lasts or are you only open to a swinging relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me after 1 date thats way to soon, I'd rather have an honest conversation about what kinks both of you are into, playing never have I ever is a good icebreaker Into 20 questions
I'll keep that in mind if I can't find a good time to bring it up! Thanks x Take your time there is no need to rush things.
Find out if you really like the lady first...
OR do you just want to use her to enhance a swinging lifestyle?
I don't use people. Good"
...and good luck. |
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"Imagine if you mentioned it and she said oh thank goodness for that as I’m on fab and didn’t know how to tell you! Would you want her to tell you from the start or later on in the relationship if she was?
Good question!
I'd rather know from the start."
I wish you both well |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Well first up, I'd say nice one. That's given me the warm and fuzzies and a big smile reading that.
I'd say unless it is a deal breaker (and from what you've said it isn't), maybe don't worry about mentioning it right away. As Compersion said, a game of never have I ever is always a good ice breaker and way to bring this sort of thing up at some point.
Good on you gorgeous. I wish you all the happiness  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well first up, I'd say nice one. That's given me the warm and fuzzies and a big smile reading that.
I'd say unless it is a deal breaker (and from what you've said it isn't), maybe don't worry about mentioning it right away. As Compersion said, a game of never have I ever is always a good ice breaker and way to bring this sort of thing up at some point.
Good on you gorgeous. I wish you all the happiness "
Thanks Posh. But if she says no I'll never get to show you how much I love Easter  |
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Go for it. I have been in the same situation a few times myself, %the male that is and even told a woman on our first date and ended up at a club that same night.
My now wife to be Angela had never done this before either and when I told her after a couple of months she wanted to know all about it and in fact she set up our profile so go for it as life is far to short not to do the things that excite. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Well first up, I'd say nice one. That's given me the warm and fuzzies and a big smile reading that.
I'd say unless it is a deal breaker (and from what you've said it isn't), maybe don't worry about mentioning it right away. As Compersion said, a game of never have I ever is always a good ice breaker and way to bring this sort of thing up at some point.
Good on you gorgeous. I wish you all the happiness
Thanks Posh. But if she says no I'll never get to show you how much I love Easter "
In that case..... nah. I can't even pretend that it wouldn't be worth giving that up to see you happy  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Go for it. I have been in the same situation a few times myself, %the male that is and even told a woman on our first date and ended up at a club that same night.
My now wife to be Angela had never done this before either and when I told her after a couple of months she wanted to know all about it and in fact she set up our profile so go for it as life is far to short not to do the things that excite. "
That's Super! Thanks for sharing.
The post is good too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I had a really good first date with someone from a dating site last night... That led on to the morning after being good too
She's wanting things to be like bf/gf stuff, and she is a bit kinky, so it's all good from my point of view.
Was thinking of casually dropping into conversation something like "I'll need to tell my swinging friends I'm off the market now" and see where that leads.
Has anyone here ever mentioned it to a new partner, and how did it go?"
i have yes i told a woman i was seeing how ide love see her suck a huge cock in front of me..we were having sex at the time it turned her on that much she cum like a train lol...so soon after we aranged it..omg it was mind blowing |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
It just came up for me in conversation about Covid and how I had started mixing with people again this year. He was interested in it, however it never came to a date for other reasons (I think).
I don't know about dropping a line like that. She could see right through you and that might not have the desired effect. Either come out with it straight or mention it when a similar topic comes up. But only if you actually want to continue swinging, otherwise wait until you've sussed her out a bit more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Thanks Posh. But if she says no I'll never get to show you how much I love Easter
In that case..... nah. I can't even pretend that it wouldn't be worth giving that up to see you happy "
Early days, so who knows what's going to be the situ in March or April or whenever they guess when Jesus died this time round. |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
I’ve been in a very similar situation. My go to choice would be say something BEFORE even starting a physical relationship. Which is what I did. Open and cards on the table. The non-swinger I was going to be seeing is still being seen on a weekly basis nearly two years later.
I have also dabbled with dating sites and make it clear in my profile I’m polyamorous and non-monogamous. Saves a lot of time wasting for everyone. In fact it ended up with a few ladies exploring Fab for their own benefits. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you want to continue swinging?
I've never been in that situation but if I was I'd mention it straight away. I'm a firm believer in cards on the table in a respectful way from the off.
Well I'm not REALLY swinging right now, only had a couple of meets.
I'd like to do it as a couple (clubs etc.) but don't want to scare her off after 1 date x"
My View is that if you’d had a conversation with her prior to your date about your relationship/outlook and preferred dynamics - as seems to be normal on any dating app? - then you’ve either deliberately misled her by not telling her about your swinging past/present, or you just don’t consider it important enough. I bet she will though!
Good luck, fella.
Good luck fella! |
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