FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Having boundaries on the forums
Having boundaries on the forums
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it? |
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"It doesn't make me uptight and I may be unusual in that I completely ignore it if it comes from someone I've never spoken to and especially if they are outside my age filters.
"
I certainly don't feel bad for not appreciating it because a few recent experiences have shown me how sometimes it is done for effect and I've no interest in that drama. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It doesn't make me uptight and I may be unusual in that I completely ignore it if it comes from someone I've never spoken to and especially if they are outside my age filters.
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Yeah I find it really awkward when it's someone that's used the forums as a way of getting around my filters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's difficult to handle if the come on is in public/forums ... I think the best tactic may be a polite cease and desist message in private ... And if that doesn't stop, something a bit more public.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I come across as a frosty bitch because I hate it and don’t speak sexually on here or in private. But that filters out who I’d get on with in real life so it’s all good  "
I'll happily talk about my sex life and body but explicit come-ons from someone I haven't shown previous interest in make me really uncomfortable. When I'm on the forums I view it as having conversations with friends. I do flirt jokingly with my friends but if they ever made a sexually explicit comment about me (and meant it) they wouldn't be my friend much longer. |
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
As an older male. My filters are open. Have had though messages from forum contributors. Saying they could change my mind by meeting them. All males I might add. On my profile . States not bi or bisexual  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m quite flirty, but it’s just a bit of fun, and no need to take it too seriously.
If it was serious flirting, it wouldn’t take place in public.
If it makes me uncomfortable, I just ignore it and don’t reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's never happened to us so not sure how we would react."
Not happened yet 
I'm kidding, but I don't mind being flirted with although it does put pressure on me though because it takes me ages to come up with a good flirt back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t mind it, I’m quite a flirty person in real life as well so..it’s in my nature.
If I don’t fancy them at all, usually I don’t say anything back or maybe an emoji would do.
But if it’s someone I think they are cool or whatever; I’m happy for a cheeky harmless flirt x (even if I don’t necessarily would sleep with them) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ah I've been thinking the same sort of thing recently - I make a joke out of it by saying I have a stick up my arse but I really don't like it. I'll ignore it and not respond."
Yeah I feel like I have a stick up my arse with it sometimes too, especially when I see others enjoying/engaging with it. Makes me feel like something is wrong with me  |
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it? "
It’s a public forum, everyone is allowed to engage or not engage as much as they want. And they shouldn’t feel bad for it.
There’s a fair few people on here I ignore completely because there’s no point trying with them. That’s my personal choice on how I use a public forum.
If comments are making you uncomfortable I also think it’s perfectly fine to ask them not to in private and if it’s extreme enough, report them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it? "
I’m guilty of having done it a little … but genuinely just meant as flirting to make someone laugh. I’m more cautious what I write now lol ‘coz I’ve gone back later and re-read it and criiiiinged thinking omg why did I do thaaaat xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of the time I ignore it although you get the feeling sometimes the flirting could be done through messages privately. Each to their own really doesn’t put me up nor down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't flirt online, I'm much more flirty in person so it's easier to ignore any flirting and eventually people stop doing it "
Hey baby, I dig those pants what is that Star Wars thing!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't flirt online, I'm much more flirty in person so it's easier to ignore any flirting and eventually people stop doing it Hey baby, I dig those pants what is that Star Wars thing!?"
Is this flirting? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it?
I’m guilty of having done it a little … but genuinely just meant as flirting to make someone laugh. I’m more cautious what I write now lol ‘coz I’ve gone back later and re-read it and criiiiinged thinking omg why did I do thaaaat xx"
Oh … wait a sec … not sexually EXPLICIT … I’ve never been that bold - just been a bit over-forward is all
*cringing again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get what you mean, it can look cringey especially when it is on thread after thread. I like a bit of a flirt, however serious stuff goes on away from public view because it's nobody else's business but mine and his/theirs/whoever |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I find it entertaining to flirt. And I know that others do. The level of flirting is something that you find between you and that person over time, and although I'm rarely explicit I am aware I skirt close to the edge on occasion.
It's about communicating. If you're uncomfortable then tell the person. In private, unless they then don't listen, I think is best. There is no need to embarrass someone in public in the first instance. But actually no need to do that at all in my view.
Serious flirting is always a private matter. It's like flirting in a pub. Anything that is more you then take privately.
And we all have our own way of conducting ourselves. No way is right or wrong as long as it isn't hurting anyone. There's no need to try and make people feel bad or embarrassed for how they choose to behave. In my view. |
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I personally like a bit of flirting, I am quite often oblivious to it though so it has to be pretty blatant.
As for sexually explicit come-ons it entirely depends on the thread and the way the come on is worded.
If I have posted on a thread that is discussing something sexual then I see it as par for the course.
If I posted on a thread about let’s say… laundry detergents, I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me they want to smash my back doors in. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Ah I've been thinking the same sort of thing recently - I make a joke out of it by saying I have a stick up my arse but I really don't like it. I'll ignore it and not respond.
Yeah I feel like I have a stick up my arse with it sometimes too, especially when I see others enjoying/engaging with it. Makes me feel like something is wrong with me "
Nothing is wrong with you in the slightest Amber. If you don't enjoy it, you don't enjoy it. It makes you feel embarrassed/awkward whatever? That's absolutely fine, you have every right to be.
Obviously some enjoy it, fair play to them. I think it's about both sides showing respect to the other - people have a right to act how they want but if it makes you uncomfortable, speak up. You shouldn't quieten your voice so others can more loudly use theirs. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Ah I've been thinking the same sort of thing recently - I make a joke out of it by saying I have a stick up my arse but I really don't like it. I'll ignore it and not respond.
Yeah I feel like I have a stick up my arse with it sometimes too, especially when I see others enjoying/engaging with it. Makes me feel like something is wrong with me
Nothing is wrong with you in the slightest Amber. If you don't enjoy it, you don't enjoy it. It makes you feel embarrassed/awkward whatever? That's absolutely fine, you have every right to be.
Obviously some enjoy it, fair play to them. I think it's about both sides showing respect to the other - people have a right to act how they want but if it makes you uncomfortable, speak up. You shouldn't quieten your voice so others can more loudly use theirs."
Absolutely true Meli. And that last sentence is right on the nose.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ah I've been thinking the same sort of thing recently - I make a joke out of it by saying I have a stick up my arse but I really don't like it. I'll ignore it and not respond.
Yeah I feel like I have a stick up my arse with it sometimes too, especially when I see others enjoying/engaging with it. Makes me feel like something is wrong with me
Nothing is wrong with you in the slightest Amber. If you don't enjoy it, you don't enjoy it. It makes you feel embarrassed/awkward whatever? That's absolutely fine, you have every right to be.
Obviously some enjoy it, fair play to them. I think it's about both sides showing respect to the other - people have a right to act how they want but if it makes you uncomfortable, speak up. You shouldn't quieten your voice so others can more loudly use theirs."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If I posted on a thread about let’s say… laundry detergents, I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me they want to smash my back doors in. "
Yes, that would be too Bold. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If I posted on a thread about let’s say… laundry detergents, I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me they want to smash my back doors in.
Yes, that would be too Bold."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah I've been thinking the same sort of thing recently - I make a joke out of it by saying I have a stick up my arse but I really don't like it. I'll ignore it and not respond.
Yeah I feel like I have a stick up my arse with it sometimes too, especially when I see others enjoying/engaging with it. Makes me feel like something is wrong with me
Nothing is wrong with you in the slightest Amber. If you don't enjoy it, you don't enjoy it. It makes you feel embarrassed/awkward whatever? That's absolutely fine, you have every right to be.
Obviously some enjoy it, fair play to them. I think it's about both sides showing respect to the other - people have a right to act how they want but if it makes you uncomfortable, speak up. You shouldn't quieten your voice so others can more loudly use theirs.
Absolutely true Meli. And that last sentence is right on the nose.
"
Agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it? "
I've never had it so I wouldn't know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If I posted on a thread about let’s say… laundry detergents, I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me they want to smash my back doors in.
Yes, that would be too Bold."
Persilnoly I wouldn't take offence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If I posted on a thread about let’s say… laundry detergents, I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me they want to smash my back doors in.
Yes, that would be too Bold.
A bit of comfort might help  "
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
"L.B" That made me Laugh!(lol), I agree too. Oh, I wasn't flirting!
I don't begrudge anyone having a flirt.
I do it away from Fab. Sometimes for fun. Tossing (oo-er perhaps an alternative word - gone a bit Frankie Howard/Carry -on here - ahem), a hand grenade just to see what happens. To give me a baseline reading.
I always take the intention of a person as jokey/flirty on here. I never get angry about something. I return it the same way delivered. Life is way too short - trust me!
As a guy in a sea of guys I do find it hard to initiate. I feel a bit cringey & awkward. It feels sometimes like a bit of a sausage fest to me. The guys sayin' all the same usual all at the same time. It feels I guess like the kid in the class room wanting that attention - "Miss, Me!Me!Me!" Constantly putting their hand up, or that kid tugging (I'm doin' it again?), on ya jeans leg when the adult talks. I Start to think "ah fuck it - stop typing & move on to something else - can't be bothered....Not sure I'm explaining here quite right?
I'm not saying if you like the attention you shouldn't. If you like that fine - go for it! It's nice sometimes if someone says something complimentry about you! I try to take it in the spirit it was intended. I will return too & I do! |
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it? "
I dislike even less explicit come-ons from people I don’t know, and I generally ignore them. If they’re really gross I’ll call them out, but mostly I ignore them.
What I loathe and detest is when I post a thread looking for advice and get lots of creepy comments from strange men. Yes, I know it’s a public forum, and yes, I know people can engage however they wish. But sometimes I just want advice, and often I want it specifically from women, so those kind of comments really bother me. |
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"I used to just go with it for the craic.
These days I’m more wary.
Some fabbers are bat shit."
Your comments are generally just banter and not to be taken seriously. Cept the ones where you go on and on and on and on about how good lookin' I am. Oh and the proposals.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm quite sensitive on the interweb.
So if someone starts flirting with me or trys to come onto me I usually start crying in the shower and phone claims direct |
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"
If I posted on a thread about let’s say… laundry detergents, I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me they want to smash my back doors in.
Yes, that would be too Bold.
A bit of comfort might help
"
All of those involved are SURFers and if you don't like what's being said you could just Lenore them  |
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My strategies..........
1. They make a sexual comment and I know it's banter in the context of the thread I will answer.
2. They make a comment that gives a 'wrong impression of me' ........ I ignore it ONCE.
3. A thread goes way off topic cos Johnny hard knob flirts with Wanda Wet One...... and then they post fuck each other to death ... instead of going private.... I write their names down in a big big BIG book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it? "
Public explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums is it???
If you don't fancy them just by-pass it & ignore...did it happen in some threads to you yes...I'm curious to see these comments now...care to tell what thread it was?   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I'd notice. It's highly unlikely anyone would though tbh. I'm not one for flirting with all and sundry on a forum so would have no qualms ignoring it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Looking at your question another way, as in "how to deal with unusual questions on a forum from strangers" it's simple. Either ignore or block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I come across as a frosty bitch because I hate it and don’t speak sexually on here or in private. But that filters out who I’d get on with in real life so it’s all good "
Noted. () |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it?
Public explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums is it???
If you don't fancy them just by-pass it & ignore...did it happen in some threads to you yes...I'm curious to see these comments now...care to tell what thread it was? "
No, I'd get a ban. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you handle explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums?
Do you just view it as harmless flirting?
Should it be seen as part and parcel of being on a swinging forum?
Should you feel bad for not appreciating it?
Does it make you uptight if you don't like it?
Public explicitly sexual come-ons in the forums is it???
If you don't fancy them just by-pass it & ignore...did it happen in some threads to you yes...I'm curious to see these comments now...care to tell what thread it was?
No, I'd get a ban. "
You wouldn't get a ban by saying what thread it is |
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