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The Great Joke A Thon Thread..
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" |
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A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you." |
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A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!" |
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"A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!""
Never heard that one before,seriously made me laugh out loud!!   |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
There's now a simple anal swab COVID test you can do at home...
Just stick a finger as far up your arse as you can, and then smell it. If it doesn't smell like anything, you've got COVID!
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
And now, over to our expert on international arms trade
In the news studio:
Thank you Linda - Now, the intelligence services will obviously be looking for the missing warhead, but it's not that simple.
You see, nuclear weapons are like blowjobs, you cannot just go to a shop and buy one.
_____
Later, in the news studio:
My apologies for my earlier statement, I should not have compared the missing warhead to prostitution.
Instead, consider nuclear weapons like blowjobs in that you can't ask for one from Santa. I learned that the hard way.
_____
Later yet, in the news studio
I must again apologise for my earlier statements. I should not have compared nuclear weapons to oral sex in any way.
Oh, and if you pop round the back of the news station bike sheds later, I might give you a little something by way of an apology.
_____
Later, behind the bike sheds:
Sorry, but I wasn't actually trying to offer you a blowjob.
No, it's just that I have this nuke, and I was hoping to palm it off on someone else.
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Archaeologists have uncovered another tomb in an Egyptian pyramid.
When they open the sarcophagus they found the body had been embalmed in chocolate and hazelnuts.
They think they have found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher. |
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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger. "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Archaeologists have uncovered another tomb in an Egyptian pyramid.
When they open the sarcophagus they found the body had been embalmed in chocolate and hazelnuts.
They think they have found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher."
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Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour.
I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you, too.”
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
Who the fuck loses to Watford?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man once said to me, your a dead man.
So I punched him and said to him now your a hurt man.
There was absolutely no answer from him!"
If someone was to ask me does that mean I kill*d him?
I would answer.
Hell no! I stop short of making jokes about death!! |
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