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What stops you from feeling 100% comfortable in your own skin?
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I am talking about little "perceived" imperfections which we see in ourselves but chances are, others do not and in fact might find them cute and attractive.
So what is preventing you from walking tall and happy? Who is your inner / outer voice that keeps you in check?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"To be fair - only the fact that ‘my own skin’ is a little bigger than I’d like it to be. I’m hoping it’ll shrink in the wash!  "
Let me know if that works, please
Other than that - hopefully it does not stop you being what and who you are.  |
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"To be fair - only the fact that ‘my own skin’ is a little bigger than I’d like it to be. I’m hoping it’ll shrink in the wash! "
But in all seriousness the weight I’ve gained doesn’t stop me liking myself as a person - and my self confidence comes from my personality rather than my looks/body type. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
The loose skin from my up and down weight issues. I can take the fat, I can handle the scars. But there is nothing I can do about the excess skin except surgery.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else."
I really feel for you - I guess nothing anybody tells you about how beautiful you are, makes any difference, right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else.
I really feel for you - I guess nothing anybody tells you about how beautiful you are, makes any difference, right? "
What about you, OP?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day. 
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance."
From the thumbnails, it looks as though you’re smashing it
Embrace yourself and say nice things. X |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else.
I really feel for you - I guess nothing anybody tells you about how beautiful you are, makes any difference, right?
What about you, OP?
"
Oh I have a number of things I am critical of, being overweight (or under-tall) and wobbly in some places despite exercising 6 out of 7 days. Like other people I have days when I think "sod it, people including partners will just have to accept me for what I am " and then other days when I look in the mirror all I can see are the wobbly bits.
I wonder if we fix the things we consider less than perfect, whether we would find other things to worry about? Genuine question. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance."
Beautifully, beautifully said.
I am trying to be a good role model for my kids by not going on about my looks and I think I am succeeding. |
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I carry my weight on my tummy and I’m really self-conscious about it. I’ve been overweight since about the age of about five and until four years ago was three dress sizes bigger than I am now. In my head I’m still that size. In addition to that I grew up with the values that self-confidence, commanding attention and loving yourself are bad things. I’m working on it all but I can’t see how I’ll ever be able to celebrate myself x |
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Im listening to an audiobook called “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski and hands down it’s changing my life and the way I feel about myself which used to be so terrible, I’d highly recommend it for women suffering with any kind of sexual confidence including body image. |
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My tummy is what bothers me the most. I’m trying to be more comfortable in myself and most of the time it works, but sometimes it bothers me. Lockdown didn’t help with that, but exercise and good eating will get it under control. I’m never going to be thin - I’ll always be chunky and I can deal with that - but losing a bit of weight will do me the world of good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else.
I really feel for you - I guess nothing anybody tells you about how beautiful you are, makes any difference, right?
What about you, OP?
Oh I have a number of things I am critical of, being overweight (or under-tall) and wobbly in some places despite exercising 6 out of 7 days. Like other people I have days when I think "sod it, people including partners will just have to accept me for what I am " and then other days when I look in the mirror all I can see are the wobbly bits.
I wonder if we fix the things we consider less than perfect, whether we would find other things to worry about? Genuine question."
In response to your question at the end, I know the answer for me. I will always find something to criticise myself about. Even when I was a LOT thinner than I am today, I still thought parts of my body were fat and picked on other things to hate. Sigh. Like lemon though, I've gotten to be a bit kinder to myself as I've moved through my thirties. Let's hope it continues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance.
"
Sending love to you too. It's a bloody rough battle being at war with yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance.
Sending love to you too. It's a bloody rough battle being at war with yourself. "
Thank you, I couldn't agree more xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My inner thighs - absolutely hate them, and it seems to be the last plane I loose weight and so difficult I tone up. Also wish I was a bit taller. Woe is me x |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance."
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I am thinking imagine... if we all looked like Barbies and Kens (just using that as an example) what would we be worrying about then?
Is it human nature to be so self-critical?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My inner thighs - absolutely hate them, and it seems to be the last plane I loose weight and so difficult I tone up. Also wish I was a bit taller. Woe is me x"
Place* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else.
I really feel for you - I guess nothing anybody tells you about how beautiful you are, makes any difference, right?
What about you, OP?
Oh I have a number of things I am critical of, being overweight (or under-tall) and wobbly in some places despite exercising 6 out of 7 days. Like other people I have days when I think "sod it, people including partners will just have to accept me for what I am " and then other days when I look in the mirror all I can see are the wobbly bits.
I wonder if we fix the things we consider less than perfect, whether we would find other things to worry about? Genuine question."
I recently read “midnight library”. Whilst not exactly on the theme of self-deprecation or loathing, it raises interesting questions about defining/finding happiness and essentially proposes that even you had a near-infinite number of life’s to lead, you’d likely not be happier than living the one you’re already in.
The message is: make the most of what you have.
I suspect the same could be said of our bodies and our continual pursuit of “perfection”.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else.
I really feel for you - I guess nothing anybody tells you about how beautiful you are, makes any difference, right?
What about you, OP?
Oh I have a number of things I am critical of, being overweight (or under-tall) and wobbly in some places despite exercising 6 out of 7 days. Like other people I have days when I think "sod it, people including partners will just have to accept me for what I am " and then other days when I look in the mirror all I can see are the wobbly bits.
I wonder if we fix the things we consider less than perfect, whether we would find other things to worry about? Genuine question.
I recently read “midnight library”. Whilst not exactly on the theme of self-deprecation or loathing, it raises interesting questions about defining/finding happiness and essentially proposes that even you had a near-infinite number of life’s to lead, you’d likely not be happier than living the one you’re already in.
The message is: make the most of what you have.
I suspect the same could be said of our bodies and our continual pursuit of “perfection”.
"
I like the sound of this. Does it tell you how to get from reading/ knowing this to accepting and internalising it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance.
Beautifully, beautifully said.
I am trying to be a good role model for my kids by not going on about my looks and I think I am succeeding. "
It's a very difficult road and you'll have lots of bumps along the way, but I do think with kindness and patience with yourself you will eventually feel some kind of peace. It's like a never ending journey sometimes though.
Your body doesn't define your worth. And when I see you, all I think about is what an understanding, open and kind person you are. I don't think about your body. And I'm sure people who know you well don't put any value on your body, especially your children, all they see is a mama who is being kind to herself and setting an amazing example.
We are own worst enemies. |
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Had body dysmorphia since a teenager. Had numerous eating disorders on both sides of the scale. Even when I was at my thinnest I thought I was massive.
I'm working on acceptance but it's a long journey. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"2 inches taller for me anyone have a magic wand? Most of the people on this thread want one "
I will get to my man cave immediately and fettle 1 from my Ash tree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance.
From the thumbnails, it looks as though you’re smashing it
Embrace yourself and say nice things. X "
Thank you!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had body dysmorphia since a teenager. Had numerous eating disorders on both sides of the scale. Even when I was at my thinnest I thought I was massive.
I'm working on acceptance but it's a long journey. "
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have body dymorphia and pretty much have a major problem with most of my appearance every day.
I think the biggest thing is my weight, but even when I was slim I still hated my body. I also hate my skin as I have acne and some weeks it's quite bad and really gets me down.
I'm slowly improving as the years pass by as I'm much better at being kind to myself these days and ever since having my daughter I've tried my best to set a good example for her. And something I'm realising more and more is that what is on the outside really isn't what is important. We are more than our appearance.
Beautifully, beautifully said.
I am trying to be a good role model for my kids by not going on about my looks and I think I am succeeding.
It's a very difficult road and you'll have lots of bumps along the way, but I do think with kindness and patience with yourself you will eventually feel some kind of peace. It's like a never ending journey sometimes though.
Your body doesn't define your worth. And when I see you, all I think about is what an understanding, open and kind person you are. I don't think about your body. And I'm sure people who know you well don't put any value on your body, especially your children, all they see is a mama who is being kind to herself and setting an amazing example.
We are own worst enemies."
Thank you, that is a really kind thing to say.
Sometimes I actually feel a bit guilty for even thinking of my imperfections, for being shallow, vacuous whatever because there are people who are missing limbs, fighting disease, and more. But it is probably human nature to be self centred and think about self all the time? |
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I've gained a bit of weight since the whole pandemic thing where before I was always fairly wiry. I know I just need to get off my ass and shift it.
One that I got over years ago was a hang up about my voice though it still throws me when folk find my voice attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My stomach when it bloats because of an illness I have.
My pigmentation on my face.. I hate it. Others don't see it but I do.
The fatty bits at the bottom of my bum.
The fact my chest bone is so wide and my boobs won't ever touch in the middle.
The pigmentation on my leg.
The thread veins on my face that have been their forever and I only think about when someone mentions them.
And sometimes the fact I'm small and don't look my age.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My stomach when it bloats because of an illness I have.
My pigmentation on my face.. I hate it. Others don't see it but I do.
The fatty bits at the bottom of my bum.
The fact my chest bone is so wide and my boobs won't ever touch in the middle.
The pigmentation on my leg.
The thread veins on my face that have been their forever and I only think about when someone mentions them.
And sometimes the fact I'm small and don't look my age.
"
The bits I've seen of you look bloody amazing - you are gorgeous x |
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Mark posting, what a good question, just about everything. When we have been on cam in the chat rooms there were people saying Debra was obviously only with me as I was rich. Insulting for her, upsetting for us both but it is obviously what people think. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My stomach when it bloats because of an illness I have.
My pigmentation on my face.. I hate it. Others don't see it but I do.
The fatty bits at the bottom of my bum.
The fact my chest bone is so wide and my boobs won't ever touch in the middle.
The pigmentation on my leg.
The thread veins on my face that have been their forever and I only think about when someone mentions them.
And sometimes the fact I'm small and don't look my age.
The bits I've seen of you look bloody amazing - you are gorgeous x"
I was thinking that ....
....
....
....
about both of you!
No, in fact I went through everybody's profile on this thread and in all honesty, I thought every one of you guys looked great in different ways.
Why can I see that and you cannot? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My stomach when it bloats because of an illness I have.
My pigmentation on my face.. I hate it. Others don't see it but I do.
The fatty bits at the bottom of my bum.
The fact my chest bone is so wide and my boobs won't ever touch in the middle.
The pigmentation on my leg.
The thread veins on my face that have been their forever and I only think about when someone mentions them.
And sometimes the fact I'm small and don't look my age.
The bits I've seen of you look bloody amazing - you are gorgeous x
I was thinking that ....
....
....
....
about both of you!
No, in fact I went through everybody's profile on this thread and in all honesty, I thought every one of you guys looked great in different ways.
Why can I see that and you cannot? "
The joys of body dysmorphia  |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
The baby pouch ( but I have my two beautiful girls to remind me why)
I have a bad scar on my right leg and it's slightly indented that I hate from a surgery, you'll very rarely see it in pictures.
And pregnancy caused a lot of broken and varicose veins on my other leg.... Basically I hate my legs and wish I could change them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m ok with what I’ve got… I’m still working on my fitness but I don’t think I look bad for my age. Plenty of scars but like I’ve been told they are life’s stories. Only I’ve a got a full series of books now.
More ink work this weekend to cover a couple of scars on my legs.
And if all else fails I’ll smile xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Astounding the amount of beautiful stunning people here that aren't body confident. I only occasionally have doubts about myself, but I know I'm no model so I can never be cocky about looks, thank fuck I've got a personality!
Big hugs to all that want them
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Astounding the amount of beautiful stunning people here that aren't body confident. I only occasionally have doubts about myself, but I know I'm no model so I can never be cocky about looks, thank fuck I've got a personality!
Big hugs to all that want them
"
That is sweet and I ll get in the queue! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I identify with a lot of the posters /comments above - body dysmorphia +eating disorders and have similar insecurities about my skin, birthmarks, thread veins, cellulite thights  , wobbly bits, my voice.. my looks, my age... I can't change them, but am always aware... I've worn shorts three times in my life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am talking about little "perceived" imperfections which we see in ourselves but chances are, others do not and in fact might find them cute and attractive.
So what is preventing you from walking tall and happy? Who is your inner / outer voice that keeps you in check? "
Omg girl, I have a constant inner voice that tells me things like …
“Your shoulders are too big, they are what gets you clocked” Or if it’s not that then it’s my hands or my feet. Or any other part of my body
It comes and goes. Sometimes I can keep it at bay and say .. fuck it, even if they can spot that I’m trans. That’s okay.
It is tough tho as sometimes I feel like that inner voice is so loud and keeps saying that I’ll never be one like you.
I try to centre myself tho and think that this perception is mostly mine. Like I have this huge ass zoom lens when in fact, majority of people don’t give a fuck or don’t see what I see about myself that I don’t like…
Hope it makes sense …
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Astounding the amount of beautiful stunning people here that aren't body confident. I only occasionally have doubts about myself, but I know I'm no model so I can never be cocky about looks, thank fuck I've got a personality!
Big hugs to all that want them
That is sweet and I ll get in the queue!"
I'm next xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My stomach when it bloats because of an illness I have.
My pigmentation on my face.. I hate it. Others don't see it but I do.
The fatty bits at the bottom of my bum.
The fact my chest bone is so wide and my boobs won't ever touch in the middle.
The pigmentation on my leg.
The thread veins on my face that have been their forever and I only think about when someone mentions them.
And sometimes the fact I'm small and don't look my age.
The bits I've seen of you look bloody amazing - you are gorgeous x
I was thinking that ....
....
....
....
about both of you!
No, in fact I went through everybody's profile on this thread and in all honesty, I thought every one of you guys looked great in different ways.
Why can I see that and you cannot? "
I see me up close and personal every day, I know every inch, and add to that people throughout my lifetime that would pass comment on the not so nice bits and effectively put a magnifying glass over my mirror on those parts.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
So back to the question: We see something that is not perfect but other people do not necessarily see it or, in some cases, find it attractive.
So ultimately it is down to our abstract framework of what we think is attractive.
So really we should be able to modify that?
Would nt that be logical? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My stomach when it bloats because of an illness I have.
My pigmentation on my face.. I hate it. Others don't see it but I do.
The fatty bits at the bottom of my bum.
The fact my chest bone is so wide and my boobs won't ever touch in the middle.
The pigmentation on my leg.
The thread veins on my face that have been their forever and I only think about when someone mentions them.
And sometimes the fact I'm small and don't look my age.
The bits I've seen of you look bloody amazing - you are gorgeous x
I was thinking that ....
....
....
....
about both of you!
No, in fact I went through everybody's profile on this thread and in all honesty, I thought every one of you guys looked great in different ways.
Why can I see that and you cannot?
I see me up close and personal every day, I know every inch, and add to that people throughout my lifetime that would pass comment on the not so nice bits and effectively put a magnifying glass over my mirror on those parts.
"
That is horrific, cruel, brutal.... awful.
IF people realise what a lose comment can do... perhaps they would choose their words more carefully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I spent many many years not liking parts of myself that school bullies drew my attention to. And you know what looking back at photos there really wasnt anything that different or odd about me at all so I really try not to perceive them at all now. So Im not going to say because I dont believe it anymore. |
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"So back to the question: We see something that is not perfect but other people do not necessarily see it or, in some cases, find it attractive.
So ultimately it is down to our abstract framework of what we think is attractive.
So really we should be able to modify that?
Would nt that be logical?"
So for me I've started following IG influencers who are much slimmer than me who post realistic photos. So I understand what I think I'm aiming for isn't achievable. So I'm trying to retrain myself to see what is a normal body not some ideal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The size of my nose, it's rather large 
Also, the thought that I'm rather skinny and no matter how hard I workout, I'm fighting genetics  "
Dude you looked ripped… I love climbing and would love to be smaller but I’ll always be a bear… i was always stocky xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So back to the question: We see something that is not perfect but other people do not necessarily see it or, in some cases, find it attractive.
So ultimately it is down to our abstract framework of what we think is attractive.
So really we should be able to modify that?
Would nt that be logical?"
I guess it depends how full your glass is in the moment, as to how well you accept /love yourself?
I don't think the media view of perfection helps any gender with acceptance  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Astounding the amount of beautiful stunning people here that aren't body confident. I only occasionally have doubts about myself, but I know I'm no model so I can never be cocky about looks, thank fuck I've got a personality!
Big hugs to all that want them
That is sweet and I ll get in the queue!
I'm next xx"
Just all of you get round to mine and I'll make you feel as beautiful as I know you really are! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I spent many many years not liking parts of myself that school bullies drew my attention to. And you know what looking back at photos there really wasnt anything that different or odd about me at all so I really try not to perceive them at all now. So Im not going to say because I dont believe it anymore. "
To me this sounds really helpful. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"So back to the question: We see something that is not perfect but other people do not necessarily see it or, in some cases, find it attractive.
So ultimately it is down to our abstract framework of what we think is attractive.
So really we should be able to modify that?
Would nt that be logical?
So for me I've started following IG influencers who are much slimmer than me who post realistic photos. So I understand what I think I'm aiming for isn't achievable. So I'm trying to retrain myself to see what is a normal body not some ideal. "
This sounds helpful, too - putting perspective on what is realistic and what isn't! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So back to the question: We see something that is not perfect but other people do not necessarily see it or, in some cases, find it attractive.
So ultimately it is down to our abstract framework of what we think is attractive.
So really we should be able to modify that?
Would nt that be logical?"
I blame the media and how we’re pressurised to look. All these perfect bodies, faces and hair just aren’t achievable by 99% of us and to be honest all though I’m generally always ok I do feel that I’m not fitting the narrative of how I should look. Then I remember; I’m 48, bald, short legs, bags and with a few scars. I am who I am and if other people don’t like it then it’s their problem.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself. |
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"I am talking about little "perceived" imperfections which we see in ourselves but chances are, others do not and in fact might find them cute and attractive.
So what is preventing you from walking tall and happy? Who is your inner / outer voice that keeps you in check? "
My face |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I am talking about little "perceived" imperfections which we see in ourselves but chances are, others do not and in fact might find them cute and attractive.
So what is preventing you from walking tall and happy? Who is your inner / outer voice that keeps you in check?
My face"
You have tons of lovely verifications - are they all wrong? (forgive me - said with tongue in cheek) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My lack of confidence,that's why I joke around.i wear my mask 24/7,even when I'm down and anxious,I never show it.wellbeing,really hoped me massively,now I realise tomorrow is not guaranteed,so why waste good energy, worrying about something,that I possibly have no control over.im so much happier with myself,the trouble is guys,we're still primal,we can't be seen to be weak,well that's bollox,we all need a helping hand now and again.lecture over lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My medication
That sucks - I feel for you. How do you work with it? "
Very badly at times ! Sych meds keep messing about with them mess with my whole body and mind and who I’m supposed to be !
Grateful to be still hear after the last two years but onwards and upwards there a lot of people worse off than me |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My lack of confidence,that's why I joke around.i wear my mask 24/7,even when I'm down and anxious,I never show it.wellbeing,really hoped me massively,now I realise tomorrow is not guaranteed,so why waste good energy, worrying about something,that I possibly have no control over.im so much happier with myself,the trouble is guys,we're still primal,we can't be seen to be weak,well that's bollox,we all need a helping hand now and again.lecture over lol"
Lovely smile - I fabbed it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m ok with what I’ve got… I’m still working on my fitness but I don’t think I look bad for my age. Plenty of scars but like I’ve been told they are life’s stories. Only I’ve a got a full series of books now.
More ink work this weekend to cover a couple of scars on my legs.
And if all else fails I’ll smile xx "
I think there’s so many people on here that are both very beautiful and also handsome. But I suppose we see what we don’t like about ourselves before others do. But you are all gorgeous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself. "
Oh not just me  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself.
Oh not just me "
That's just it - I d say most people bar for a few, are battling with something they do not like about themselves.
I was asking because I think we need to try and change that. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot change. I am looking, like everybody else, for a ways to practice that. |
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"I identify with a lot of the posters /comments above - body dysmorphia +eating disorders and have similar insecurities about my skin, birthmarks, thread veins, cellulite thights , wobbly bits, my voice.. my looks, my age... I can't change them, but am always aware... I've worn shorts three times in my life "
With you on the shorts thing!
I started getting thread veins at the age of 18 - well before I had my first child. Child bearing exacerbated it though - and by the time my third and last child came along I was not only completely riddled with thread veins from foot to thigh - I also had awful varicose veins which required 2 operations. As a brucie bonus I have big pockets of fat above each kneecap - god only knows why or how.
However - I like the fact that the weight I’ve gained has made my boobies bigger and look firmer - and I think I still have a decent arse. I also don’t have a face that (quite) frightens small children - so although I’m far from happy with certain aspects of my body/face (bloody wrinkle fairy! ) - overall I think I’m ok! |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
In all honesty….nothing
I don’t strive for the ideal, perceptions of perfect or to be anything other than me.
Many years ago I battled through a 3yrs relationship where my confidence was almost obsolete, I felt worthless and had little to no acceptance of affection without questioning it’s sincerity, it took me a while but I’ll be damned if I’d allow anyone to make me feel that way again!
Sure I’ve my wobbly bits and days where I think ‘Christ I look rough’ but so what, we all do, I love me and I will never need anyone or anything to make me feel better about myself, I’m in charge of how I feel no one else, it’s a case of mind over matter for me now xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My arse - since I gained weight, I'm not happy with it at all.
My boobs - I don't like the size, shape or anything else about them.
My stomach - the first place I gain weight. Makes me feel like a heffalump.
Body hair - I'm hugely self conscious of it, I shave/pluck/preen but never feel 100% smooth and happy.
I've had issues with my size/weight size I was a teenager. Eating disorders, self loathing, I'm never truly happy with what I see in the mirror. |
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Think we need to normalise thread veins, stretch marks, stretched skin after weight fluctuations of pregnancy. Receding hairlines, thinning hair, wrinkles, sun spots the list is endless.
We they are normal things of being human beings. None of us are perfect and I think that's what I sometimes need to remind myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself.
Oh not just me
That's just it - I d say most people bar for a few, are battling with something they do not like about themselves.
I was asking because I think we need to try and change that. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot change. I am looking, like everybody else, for a ways to practice that. "
Yes, you’re absolutely right, but a life of conditioning makes it very difficult doesn’t it. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Think we need to normalise thread veins, stretch marks, stretched skin after weight fluctuations of pregnancy. Receding hairlines, thinning hair, wrinkles, sun spots the list is endless.
We they are normal things of being human beings. None of us are perfect and I think that's what I sometimes need to remind myself. "
It is also related to ageing a negative thing, isnt t? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So many things
My stomach, my bum, my nose, my feet, my wrinkles haha
I'm learning to accept the things I can't change though and I'm working on the rest
Mandy |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself.
Oh not just me
That's just it - I d say most people bar for a few, are battling with something they do not like about themselves.
I was asking because I think we need to try and change that. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot change. I am looking, like everybody else, for a ways to practice that.
Yes, you’re absolutely right, but a life of conditioning makes it very difficult doesn’t it. "
I remember my mum saying many years ago that from a certain age you should not wear red lipstick or nails, should not have long hair etc but to grow old gracefully.
I kind of disagree with that really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not happy that my 6 pack is a keg! But I don't judge others on their appearance, so I don't judge myself either. I'm comfortable that the people who will add positivity to my life see the inner me. That's all that matters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself.
Oh not just me
That's just it - I d say most people bar for a few, are battling with something they do not like about themselves.
I was asking because I think we need to try and change that. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot change. I am looking, like everybody else, for a ways to practice that.
Yes, you’re absolutely right, but a life of conditioning makes it very difficult doesn’t it.
I remember my mum saying many years ago that from a certain age you should not wear red lipstick or nails, should not have long hair etc but to grow old gracefully.
I kind of disagree with that really."
Me too, but some things seem easier to cast off than others … |
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"Think we need to normalise thread veins, stretch marks, stretched skin after weight fluctuations of pregnancy. Receding hairlines, thinning hair, wrinkles, sun spots the list is endless.
We they are normal things of being human beings. None of us are perfect and I think that's what I sometimes need to remind myself.
It is also related to ageing a negative thing, isnt t?"
I was talking to my mate about this this morning. Because we'd seen a video of Kylie. And there is a pressure to be young. I actually don't worry too much about my wrinkles and my white hair. I'm embracing my age, my gran died of ovarian cancer the same age as I am now. Age is a privilege most of us seem to forget. |
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By *ED00Woman
over a year ago
South Devon... Torbaydos |
"Im listening to an audiobook called “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski and hands down it’s changing my life and the way I feel about myself which used to be so terrible, I’d highly recommend it for women suffering with any kind of sexual confidence including body image. "
I'm so glad I looked at this forum as i am about to look for a new book to listen too and i like the sound if this book.
I have lots of reasons that stop me it's where to start !!
I'm over weight.
I've not had the confidence to date since being widowed 9 years ago.
I have a massive scar on my tummy, which is very wobbly.
Oh and I'm ginger lol
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Honestly, couldn't even begin.
I've got really good at not looking at certain areas in the mirror to be able to leave the house.
Being on here and talking to people has helped |
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"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself.
Oh not just me
That's just it - I d say most people bar for a few, are battling with something they do not like about themselves.
I was asking because I think we need to try and change that. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot change. I am looking, like everybody else, for a ways to practice that.
Yes, you’re absolutely right, but a life of conditioning makes it very difficult doesn’t it.
I remember my mum saying many years ago that from a certain age you should not wear red lipstick or nails, should not have long hair etc but to grow old gracefully.
I kind of disagree with that really."
To be fair there are so many casual digs/insults aimed at mature women that it’s hard to keep count!
‘Mutton dressed as Lamb’ for instance.
There’ve been many news articles pointing out that women on TV are often ‘pensioned off’ many years before their male counterparts too.
I guess that’s a subject for a whole different thread - but I do think women are conditioned to be far more critical of their physical appearance than men are - although in the last decade or so men are beginning to feel similar pressures. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Think we need to normalise thread veins, stretch marks, stretched skin after weight fluctuations of pregnancy. Receding hairlines, thinning hair, wrinkles, sun spots the list is endless.
We they are normal things of being human beings. None of us are perfect and I think that's what I sometimes need to remind myself.
It is also related to ageing a negative thing, isnt t?
I was talking to my mate about this this morning. Because we'd seen a video of Kylie. And there is a pressure to be young. I actually don't worry too much about my wrinkles and my white hair. I'm embracing my age, my gran died of ovarian cancer the same age as I am now. Age is a privilege most of us seem to forget. "
Age is a privilege most of us seem to forget.
Love this |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Im listening to an audiobook called “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski and hands down it’s changing my life and the way I feel about myself which used to be so terrible, I’d highly recommend it for women suffering with any kind of sexual confidence including body image.
I'm so glad I looked at this forum as i am about to look for a new book to listen too and i like the sound if this book.
I have lots of reasons that stop me it's where to start !!
I'm over weight.
I've not had the confidence to date since being widowed 9 years ago.
I have a massive scar on my tummy, which is very wobbly.
Oh and I'm ginger lol
"
Sorry to hear you lost your confidence when you partner died.
To me ginger hair is amazing but that does not help you,
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have HUGE insecurities, but I'm quite happy with how I look. Yes I could be more toned etc, but I like food , drink, and to laze about when I have chance.
I'm a 42 year old mum. I'm not going to look like a supermodel. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Honestly, couldn't even begin.
I've got really good at not looking at certain areas in the mirror to be able to leave the house.
Being on here and talking to people has helped "
ANd we use self-deprecating wit to make us feel better sometimes, don't we? |
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By *ED00Woman
over a year ago
South Devon... Torbaydos |
"Im listening to an audiobook called “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski and hands down it’s changing my life and the way I feel about myself which used to be so terrible, I’d highly recommend it for women suffering with any kind of sexual confidence including body image.
I'm so glad I looked at this forum as i am about to look for a new book to listen too and i like the sound if this book.
I have lots of reasons that stop me it's where to start !!
I'm over weight.
I've not had the confidence to date since being widowed 9 years ago.
I have a massive scar on my tummy, which is very wobbly.
Oh and I'm ginger lol
Sorry to hear you lost your confidence when you partner died.
To me ginger hair is amazing but that does not help you,
"
Bless you I actually love being a red head lol xx |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I’m pretty happy with what I look like. I don’t like the skin on my tummy, where it’s stretched from two MASSIVE baby bumps, but I’m getting more accepting of it, but otherwise I really appreciate my size and shape.
My problem now though is, the amount of pressure I put on myself to stay like this. I’m super careful (and overthink) what I eat, and I put a lot of pressure on my self to keep exercising, if I can’t I get stressed.
Even if I eat a cookie, I immediately feel like it shows.
So, even though I’m happy, I’m hard on myself.
Oh not just me
That's just it - I d say most people bar for a few, are battling with something they do not like about themselves.
I was asking because I think we need to try and change that. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot change. I am looking, like everybody else, for a ways to practice that.
Yes, you’re absolutely right, but a life of conditioning makes it very difficult doesn’t it.
I remember my mum saying many years ago that from a certain age you should not wear red lipstick or nails, should not have long hair etc but to grow old gracefully.
I kind of disagree with that really.
To be fair there are so many casual digs/insults aimed at mature women that it’s hard to keep count!
‘Mutton dressed as Lamb’ for instance.
There’ve been many news articles pointing out that women on TV are often ‘pensioned off’ many years before their male counterparts too.
I guess that’s a subject for a whole different thread - but I do think women are conditioned to be far more critical of their physical appearance than men are - although in the last decade or so men are beginning to feel similar pressures. "
You are right and we should have a different thread on this - it is close to my heart. I was approached (today) by a recruiter who wanted to know if I was up for a contract - two people I know applied for it as well. Those two guys (lovely guys, competent in our field) sold themselves as knowing how to approach the project even though I know neither of them have the experience in that specific field that I have. Different topic, I know but nonetheless about women having a slightly greater tendency to put themselves down. |
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My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have HUGE insecurities, but I'm quite happy with how I look. Yes I could be more toned etc, but I like food , drink, and to laze about when I have chance.
I'm a 42 year old mum. I'm not going to look like a supermodel."
Sounds great |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence "
I wish you could see yourself through others eyes, you’re beautiful, both inside and out, but I know it’s not that simple. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence "
I would like to know what would help you gain that confidence? Not that I would know or be able to help but I wonder nonetheless as it might help all of us? |
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"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence
I would like to know what would help you gain that confidence? Not that I would know or be able to help but I wonder nonetheless as it might help all of us? "
I know things that make me feel better about myself are body positive people I follow on social media. People who embrace how they are, show us the imperfections, the cellulite, the tummy rolls, instead of the perfect picture that’s been shoved at us for years on end. |
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By *ED00Woman
over a year ago
South Devon... Torbaydos |
"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence "
I completely understand what your saying. I was married for 22yrs and during that time my weight went up and down, I gained my scar, all of which I went through with my husband. Now I dont do naked, I'm very body conscious and i try and cover my insecurities with humour. I went through a spell pre lockdown when I did meet a couple of guys and had fun and felt my confidence was getting there. Covid hit and I have gone backwards agsin. I want to meet but over think things and get stuck in my head Xx |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence
I would like to know what would help you gain that confidence? Not that I would know or be able to help but I wonder nonetheless as it might help all of us?
I know things that make me feel better about myself are body positive people I follow on social media. People who embrace how they are, show us the imperfections, the cellulite, the tummy rolls, instead of the perfect picture that’s been shoved at us for years on end. "
You know I had a heureka moment over the weekend. I recently got an iphone and had not fully explored what it can do.
So a couple of nights ago, I took a selfie (newbie to that too) and because of soft lighting it actually looked ok. I then put the black and white filter on (cannot remember what it was called) and I was amazed at the result.
So I m thinking now... all the pictures we see - how many are photoshopped and enhanced? ANd where does that leave us ordinary people?
And tbh when I see an ordinary person with signs of ageing etc.... these pictures can be beautiful in a different way. Telling a story as somebody said earlier. |
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"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence
I would like to know what would help you gain that confidence? Not that I would know or be able to help but I wonder nonetheless as it might help all of us?
I know things that make me feel better about myself are body positive people I follow on social media. People who embrace how they are, show us the imperfections, the cellulite, the tummy rolls, instead of the perfect picture that’s been shoved at us for years on end.
You know I had a heureka moment over the weekend. I recently got an iphone and had not fully explored what it can do.
So a couple of nights ago, I took a selfie (newbie to that too) and because of soft lighting it actually looked ok. I then put the black and white filter on (cannot remember what it was called) and I was amazed at the result.
So I m thinking now... all the pictures we see - how many are photoshopped and enhanced? ANd where does that leave us ordinary people?
And tbh when I see an ordinary person with signs of ageing etc.... these pictures can be beautiful in a different way. Telling a story as somebody said earlier. "
It’s so refreshing to see. I show my daughter and say see, it’s not real, it’s all photoshop.
I like that, telling a story x |
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I'm very comfortable in my own skin. I'm not perfect, but nobody is. I think the reason for my confidence is that I accept every part of me..sure, there are things that I sometimes wish were different (mainly my unruly hair) , but then I wouldn't be me if I changed them. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I'm very comfortable in my own skin. I'm not perfect, but nobody is. I think the reason for my confidence is that I accept every part of me..sure, there are things that I sometimes wish were different (mainly my unruly hair) , but then I wouldn't be me if I changed them. "
And.. going back to Barbie and Ken ... if we all looked like them, the one person who had a slightly wrinkled face, or a big belly or whatever... would be the odd one out and therefore be the attractive one. I am sure of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence
I would like to know what would help you gain that confidence? Not that I would know or be able to help but I wonder nonetheless as it might help all of us?
I know things that make me feel better about myself are body positive people I follow on social media. People who embrace how they are, show us the imperfections, the cellulite, the tummy rolls, instead of the perfect picture that’s been shoved at us for years on end.
You know I had a heureka moment over the weekend. I recently got an iphone and had not fully explored what it can do.
So a couple of nights ago, I took a selfie (newbie to that too) and because of soft lighting it actually looked ok. I then put the black and white filter on (cannot remember what it was called) and I was amazed at the result.
So I m thinking now... all the pictures we see - how many are photoshopped and enhanced? ANd where does that leave us ordinary people?
And tbh when I see an ordinary person with signs of ageing etc.... these pictures can be beautiful in a different way. Telling a story as somebody said earlier.
It’s so refreshing to see. I show my daughter and say see, it’s not real, it’s all photoshop.
I like that, telling a story x"
I like to do that with my little girl.
I hate that she tells me that she's not beautiful because she doesn't have long hair like the other girls. Or that she's not a princess because she has glasses. She's 5. It's awful that body negativity starts so young. Breaks my heart. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My self confidence stops me from walking tall. I’m trying though.
When I came on here a few years ago someone I met gave me huge confidence about my body.
As my weight goes up and down so does my opinion of how I should look.
I lost my husband and gained weight. Despised how I looked.
I’m very picky about my face, lots I don’t like. Just can’t help how I feel.
Plus I’ve managed to tell myself that the reason I’m still alone is because of how I look.
I wish I had more confidence
I would like to know what would help you gain that confidence? Not that I would know or be able to help but I wonder nonetheless as it might help all of us?
I know things that make me feel better about myself are body positive people I follow on social media. People who embrace how they are, show us the imperfections, the cellulite, the tummy rolls, instead of the perfect picture that’s been shoved at us for years on end.
You know I had a heureka moment over the weekend. I recently got an iphone and had not fully explored what it can do.
So a couple of nights ago, I took a selfie (newbie to that too) and because of soft lighting it actually looked ok. I then put the black and white filter on (cannot remember what it was called) and I was amazed at the result.
So I m thinking now... all the pictures we see - how many are photoshopped and enhanced? ANd where does that leave us ordinary people?
And tbh when I see an ordinary person with signs of ageing etc.... these pictures can be beautiful in a different way. Telling a story as somebody said earlier.
It’s so refreshing to see. I show my daughter and say see, it’s not real, it’s all photoshop.
I like that, telling a story x
I like to do that with my little girl.
I hate that she tells me that she's not beautiful because she doesn't have long hair like the other girls. Or that she's not a princess because she has glasses. She's 5. It's awful that body negativity starts so young. Breaks my heart. "
Maybe that is where we need to look at - to stop it from self-perpetuating? |
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By *ED00Woman
over a year ago
South Devon... Torbaydos |
"Only yesterday I asked myself how does one improve on perfection?"
Ah but what is perfection? Whats your perfect may not be mine and vis versus
I have a little saying that I say to myself when i feel I’m not perfect that I will share with you all.
NOBODY IS PERFECT.
EVERYONES ARSE HAS A CRACK IN IT
XXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Only yesterday I asked myself how does one improve on perfection?
Ah but what is perfection? Whats your perfect may not be mine and vis versus
I have a little saying that I say to myself when i feel I’m not perfect that I will share with you all.
NOBODY IS PERFECT.
EVERYONES ARSE HAS A CRACK IN IT
XXX "
Unless you’re Action Man |
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My teeth. It’s the one thing I’d fix if I ever came into enough money.
I have spent about 30 years disliking every inch of my body and mind and in the last few years, more notably the last year I have decided that I am absolutely fine just the way I am! That’s body and personality, I’ll never be everyone’s cup of tea and it’s so freeing to realise that you don’t want nor need to be everyone’s taste. So long as you love who you are everyday (not always easy) but take away the nagging negative thoughts and speak to yourself as you would your friends, makes a huge difference for me at least |
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"The bottom of my tummy ‘the shelf’ but if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t have my son, so it’s a worthy thing to live with. "
I dont like my belly either (my Small calls it my jelly wobble on a plate). But, like you, I recognise that she did an amazing job and brought life into the world so I'm prepared to live and let live and am proud of my smile scar |
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"I am talking about little "perceived" imperfections which we see in ourselves but chances are, others do not and in fact might find them cute and attractive. "
I have absolutely no issue with “perceived” imperfections. It’s the actual ones that bother me. |
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By *adyP123Woman
over a year ago
Peterborough |
This is the most wonderful thread - the amount of honesty, support and positivity on here is incredible. A lot of beautiful people too - just imagine how unstoppable we’d be if we could see ourselves the way others do!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have body dysmorphia. Some days I can ignore it and feel confident, other days it's pretty bad and I think I look like absolute shit. Most days, I just pretend and put a mask on (hair, make up, certain clothes etc) which helps. Or at least it helps to hide it from everyone else."
You have one of the most gorgeous figures I have seen Kitty. You are on my hotlist and definitely do not need to have any concerns. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
All of me, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, abusive relationship, and weight loss surgery have left me with a body I rarely recognise. The spare skin makes me much more conscious than I thought it would as no way to disguise it. I have little confidence in myself and wonder why anyone would want me.
So much more I can add but I don’t want to dwell on the negative x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder does anyone feel 100% comfortable in their skin ? And wanting to improve some things doesn't have to mean insecurity.
I'd settle for 60% happy, 30% acceptance and 10% work in progress. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Plenty…….
Wish I was a bit taller
Wish I carried less lard and was well defined
Wish I carried more muscle (used to, but would like more than I had)
Wish my hair wasn’t receding (hate that) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My gender…. And the confusion that comes with it!
But Just want to say everyone on this forum is beautiful and not to be so hard on yourselves! Our imperfections are what make us all beautiful and unique 3 |
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My weight and fat stomach! I've lost 21lbs since October but it's slowed down/stopped now. A few delightful men on Fab have told me I'm fat and 2 have walked out of a meet as I'm "too fat and not pretty enough".
But I love being a short lady (5ft 3), looking younger than I am and that my legs are long for a short arse lol (my work trousers are a long) |
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For the first forty odd years of my life just had a general dislike of my body, didn't like seeing my face in mirrors, but no understanding at all of why. Then one night taking a short cut through the gay village area of Manchester happened to see a couple of trans girls having a smoke outside a pub...
Seems ridiculous now, but transgender wasn't even a concept in my social grouping when I was growing up. Gay people yes, but I knew I wasn't that. Seeing those girls stood on Canal Street was the lightbulb moment...
At least now I can put a label on my dissatisfaction, which makes it easier to appreciate that at least I'm (mostly) healthy. My body might not be what I really want, but I find I can live with it. |
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What makes me uncomfortable in my own skin is nothing to do with my appearance.
However, since we're talking about imperfections, the big one for me is how asymmetrical my head is. To _my_ eyes, I look like Sloth from The Goonies.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Morning, everybody and thanks for continuing with the posts - I want to repeat that I did look at everybody's profile last night and saw beauty. I really did and would not say this if I did not think so.
I am finding, just for myself, comforting that even people on this thread whom I consider a lot more attractive in the physical sense, are struggling with something and that in turn makes me think we should perhaps either change (if it is about possible fat or muscle loss/gain) or try to accept and love ourselves, our "good bits" a bit more.
Have a lovely day everybody!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Morning, everybody and thanks for continuing with the posts - I want to repeat that I did look at everybody's profile last night and saw beauty. I really did and would not say this if I did not think so.
I am finding, just for myself, comforting that even people on this thread whom I consider a lot more attractive in the physical sense, are struggling with something and that in turn makes me think we should perhaps either change (if it is about possible fat or muscle loss/gain) or try to accept and love ourselves, our "good bits" a bit more.
Have a lovely day everybody!
"
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Anyway, back to myself.
My feet, my gut (not big but horrible in my eyes) and my face "
Just fabbed a picture - cannot see any evidence of "gut" tbh - I wish I had as little flab on my tummy! |
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All women hate their tummy...I detest mine but hide it well, I think.. doesn't stop me enjoying myself, but it is one of the first things I state when chatting on here as I know its not everyone's taste. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My body (mrs) feels like it's gone into landslide and expansion mode all at the same time..catching sight of my body in the mirror has become a yuk moment. |
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» Add a new message to this topic
Body hair.
I've never been able to take my shirt off at the beach, I also need to wear a collar and longish sleeves. It's something I'm constantly aware of.
x
