FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can you be too trusting?
Can you be too trusting?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi, one of my few personal traits is always being very trusting & I always take people at face value which doesn't always end well for me when I've met guys.
This can be from just not turning up/meeting as planned to going too far with things sexually & performing sex acts on me or making me do things to them that wasn't discussed or agreed on before hand.
I mean there HAS to be a huge element of trust right & maybe this is just what goes with the territory?
If I was too wary of every guy who contacts me then I'd never meet anyone right?
Hanna x
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In life I've become more guarded over the years and keep my circle small.
On fab we have to rely on texting and forum interaction to determine compatibility and if someone is trustworthy.
For the same reason I keep my fab circle very small and generally my instincts are pretty good.
I have had that trust abused though by people pretending to be someone or something they clearly aren't so it's not foolproof. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
It takes me a while to trust someone especially on here as a lot of people will say what they think you want to hear to get a meet. It's why when I'm doing new meets I chat for a while beforehand people tend not to be able to keep a fake facade up and red flags tend to show so they can be avoided.
There are always people who lie and play games some are very good at it as well but you have to trust your instincts and hope you can spot them and never ignore anything that makes you think twice about what they say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't agree, I think you should always be wary of anyone you meet, especially strangers off the internet. I take people at face value too but do I trust them? Absolutely not, trust is reserved for people in my life that has earned it.
You need to lay down your boundaries and limits prior to a meet, do not go outside these and stick to your guns. If anyone has a problem with this or tries to push you further, it's an instant red flag. Only meet people who will have respect for you and don't settle for less. |
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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago
Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove |
I’m sick of men trying to push boundaries and wanting to do things that aren’t agreed in advance
Now I rarely meet and when I do it is with men I have met before, trust and feel safe with.
For me it’s better to have a few trustworthy special friends than take risks by extending out and meeting random people I don’t know much about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to be so incredibly guarded. Give some people an inch and they will take a mile and its not acceptable.
Saying that some people you just know you can trust, a special vibe but they are rare diamonds |
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I find arms length is the perfect place to keep people until you want to play with them, remember that people only let you see what they want you to see and there is no fallible way to not be deceived |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't agree, I think you should always be wary of anyone you meet, especially strangers off the internet. I take people at face value too but do I trust them? Absolutely not, trust is reserved for people in my life that has earned it.
You need to lay down your boundaries and limits prior to a meet, do not go outside these and stick to your guns. If anyone has a problem with this or tries to push you further, it's an instant red flag. Only meet people who will have respect for you and don't settle for less."
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I think I extend a good amount of trust to anyone knew at the start.
It then breaks away or intensifies depending on their behaviour and what I learn about them.
If they're vague or secretive, they lose a good portion of my trust, for example.
Doing things you don't want to do seems less of a trust issue to me and more about if you have the confidence to say no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to be very wary myself , like especially if it’s too good to be truth…
I had so many betrayals of any kind that I find it super difficult to fully trust people, including strangers x
So it’s easier to put the walls u and yeah x 
Doubt every action wondering if it’s genuine  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In all of my life growing up I've always trusted so many people and I have always been let down every year I say to myself I'm going to start on trust in people because they're going to let me down and every year I'm right |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thx for the replies they obvs make a lot of sense.
More recently I AM asking more questions before I agree to meet anyone & if possible will try to meet up for a walk/chat first but even then they're hardly going to admit thst they enjoy taking things too far when they meet a girl like me.
Yes I'm very sub & prefer a guy to "take control" but even so I do have a few limits.
Like I've said, to a certain extent it is always a leap of faith meeting someone who you know will abuse you sexually (usually more for their gratification I know).
Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?
That said, not every guy is likely to go too far  |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?"
No, lovely, that should never be the case. You should always have a safe word that has to be respected. If you are restraint and gagged you should hold an item that you can drop to communicate.
It's really important to discuss limits and safety before playing with restraints. |
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"Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?
No, lovely, that should never be the case. You should always have a safe word that has to be respected. If you are restraint and gagged you should hold an item that you can drop to communicate.
It's really important to discuss limits and safety before playing with restraints. "
This makes sense to me.
Hope you find someone OP, who respects you and your boundaries x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?
No, lovely, that should never be the case. You should always have a safe word that has to be respected. If you are restraint and gagged you should hold an item that you can drop to communicate.
It's really important to discuss limits and safety before playing with restraints. "
Well said, and I’d also add, I wouldn’t allow someone I didn’t know/trust to restrain me. You can have all the safe words/boundaries/consent, but if they choose to ignore it, what can you do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thx for the replies they obvs make a lot of sense.
More recently I AM asking more questions before I agree to meet anyone & if possible will try to meet up for a walk/chat first but even then they're hardly going to admit thst they enjoy taking things too far when they meet a girl like me.
Yes I'm very sub & prefer a guy to "take control" but even so I do have a few limits.
Like I've said, to a certain extent it is always a leap of faith meeting someone who you know will abuse you sexually (usually more for their gratification I know).
Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?
That said, not every guy is likely to go too far "
May I ask, so do these guys want to be topped and stuff? Or for you to take some sort of dominant role?
I’m trying to put things in perspective
I never was put in the situation where I was made to do something I didn’t want to do, luckily they never even asked but if they did they get told no.
Sometimes I have some people massage and ask if I could fuck them or fuck their Mrs… and I always tell them that I’m extremely uncomfortable and that I’m a virgin in that sense so I’m gonna stay like that until I had my GRS.
Thats boundaries and set yours don’t be afraid to say no!!  |
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"Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?
No, lovely, that should never be the case. You should always have a safe word that has to be respected. If you are restraint and gagged you should hold an item that you can drop to communicate.
It's really important to discuss limits and safety before playing with restraints.
Well said, and I’d also add, I wouldn’t allow someone I didn’t know/trust to restrain me. You can have all the safe words/boundaries/consent, but if they choose to ignore it, what can you do? "
Nothing! |
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"Thx for the replies they obvs make a lot of sense.
More recently I AM asking more questions before I agree to meet anyone & if possible will try to meet up for a walk/chat first but even then they're hardly going to admit thst they enjoy taking things too far when they meet a girl like me.
Yes I'm very sub & prefer a guy to "take control" but even so I do have a few limits.
Like I've said, to a certain extent it is always a leap of faith meeting someone who you know will abuse you sexually (usually more for their gratification I know).
Also if I've agreed or allowed myself to be restrained in some way (& even gagged) then theres very little I can do anyway right & will have to take it & put it down to the risks involved right?
That said, not every guy is likely to go too far "
You say ‘if possible’ meet for a walk/chat - I would never meet anyone intimately without meeting for a social somewhere very public first.
I know it’s not foolproof but you definitely get a vibe of what they’re like.
I would also never let anyone restrain me unless we’d met multiple times and I felt safe with them.
With regard to being pushed into doing anything you’re not up for - you have to be assertive and tell them to stop. It is assault and it’s not ok.
You also need a trusted local friend with keys to your place on speed dial to get you help if you need it.
Hope you start to get to meet nicer people really soon OP. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I afford trust to all until they prove unworthy of trust in the area given. Even then if a boundary is attempted to be breached it doesn’t mean I won’t trust the person, more in what I’ll trust them with. Then again I know what this one will and won’t do or wants and makes those boundaries known usually in the moment.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a lot of wronguns on these things. It's actually quite off putting and probably why, over the times I have been on here, I've not met many people. I think I've probably met 4, one actually from home elsewhere that ended up being on here. 2 was wronguns, 2 wasn't. So you got a 50/50 chance going off my ratio lol.
You have to make sure you are very cautious. Going direct to someone's house is risky. You people who give out your house address before even meeting people on here are nuts as well. That is a massive risk for multiple reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Vinnlla play and sex up till they build that trust
No gags no forced head type stuff no handcuffs or what ever no rough stuff off any sort or kind uptill they have that trust if they tray and push bondres one bit and I am not really for it kicked out off bed and sent packing never to be see again |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I don't trust people here, I have to get to know them well, before i'd even have a social.
I go with my gut instinct too and if something feels off, it usually is.ive cancelled meets before just because something didn't feel right to me.
Be cautious op, not all are who they seem.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Personally no. To understand how trust works, it’s important to remember that trust is granted, not earned.
Trust allows a person to flourish and grow. It is fundamental to most everything in life.
Imagine your starting a new job on day one. If you don’t trust the organisation and people by default , you won’t get far |
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I’m very trusting in real life and on the fab world! For me it’s been my biggest downfall, especially for those who I allow to get close to me. You think you can trust them 100% then they go and do something stupid, trust instantly gone! Miss pc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust and respect are the two things people will say have to be earned. I disagree, I give both freely but reserve my right to remove them if the arsehole inside shows themselves. Being trusting is a good trait sadly people abuse it. I'm trusting but not naive. |
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"Trust and respect are the two things people will say have to be earned. I disagree, I give both freely but reserve my right to remove them if the arsehole inside shows themselves. Being trusting is a good trait sadly people abuse it. I'm trusting but not naive."
I’m completely with you on that one!  Miss pc |
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