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Indentifying Narcissistic people
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They are never ever EVER wrong. |
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They hold a senior management position |
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"They hold a senior management position"
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Agree with that one! They play the victim themselves for attention |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's always someone else's fault. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A narcissist doesn’t know he’s a narcissist, so if you think you’re one, you’re probably not, but then if you don’t think you are, then you could well be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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cannot praise or acknowledge the achievements of others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are never ever EVER wrong. "
This, always the martyr, victim or hero, never to blame for ANYTHING. Everything bad that happens to them is someone else's fault. Always. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They hold a senior management position"
I must be a grade A narc then  |
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"They hold a senior management position
I must be a grade A narc then "
Are you also a sociopath? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They hold a senior management position
I must be a grade A narc then
Are you also a sociopath?"
I drove into a cyclepath by accident once if that helps |
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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
He goes by the name of dad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Controlling always making you feel guilty... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Controlling always making you feel guilty..."
And extremely manipulative too...  |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
They write the 20th comment on threads |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A narcissist doesn’t know he’s a narcissist, so if you think you’re one, you’re probably not, but then if you don’t think you are, then you could well be."
Very much so, and for God's sake don't tell them they're one |
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Totally agree as well...so much to look out for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks I agree with them all
Wants you to prove your love all the time and compares you to other people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is my ex all over. He's probably back on here tbh, hunting down his next victim! The issues were never caused by him but always my fault because I was so "mentally unwell". I told him I think he has narcissistic personality and he obviously denied it and still thinks he's amazing and everyone else are idiots. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is my ex all over. He's probably back on here tbh, hunting down his next victim! The issues were never caused by him but always my fault because I was so "mentally unwell". I told him I think he has narcissistic personality and he obviously denied it and still thinks he's amazing and everyone else are idiots."
Did they pay you a little compliment after being awful like a shitty peace offering and so they could feel like they're actually a good person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is my ex all over. He's probably back on here tbh, hunting down his next victim! The issues were never caused by him but always my fault because I was so "mentally unwell". I told him I think he has narcissistic personality and he obviously denied it and still thinks he's amazing and everyone else are idiots."
Clown... you better off him for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Their words and actions don't match up. It's all talk. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Their words and actions don't match up. It's all talk. "
Yeah like dispising cheaters yet cheat themselves. |
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They Will make you feel like you are not good enough. |
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They never take responsibility for their actions.
The world revolves around them. P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They Will make you feel like you are not good enough. "
Yeah if only you try a little harder to please them. Wear nicer clothes, smile more.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I thought I'd share why I started this post. My mum was with one for 10 years when I was younger. Severely damaged my relationship with her. And recently I've had a few friends mainly female but also 1 male who've found it hard to escape mentally/emotionally abusive relationships.
There is a lot similiar about all our stories. Maybe talking about it might make people think twice before getting too involved with one. They really don't care whether they damage you or and will try and separate you from anyone you care about.
I really hate seeing decent people being preyed upon by them
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Thanks for sharing. The main problem is that when you are with someone like that you don't notice it can take months, years before someone notices. And people who might see the signs don't often speak up and let that person know. You're right though, they don't care about anyone or who they hurt. And they often will try to make your life hell once you do find them out and leave them! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks for sharing. The main problem is that when you are with someone like that you don't notice it can take months, years before someone notices. And people who might see the signs don't often speak up and let that person know. You're right though, they don't care about anyone or who they hurt. And they often will try to make your life hell once you do find them out and leave them! "
Do you have an experience to share? If so, what was the FIRST clue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Their social media profiles are usually easy giveaways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They are initially very charming and almost dream-like. You feel very lucky to have them  |
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Not always, they could have 2 or 3 different profiles on social media. The giveaways are remembering what they tell you the lies it's all lies normally and then noticing when the lie back fires. Problem is they are normally very manipulative so can twist things... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is my ex all over. He's probably back on here tbh, hunting down his next victim! The issues were never caused by him but always my fault because I was so "mentally unwell". I told him I think he has narcissistic personality and he obviously denied it and still thinks he's amazing and everyone else are idiots."
This could very easily by my ex too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is my ex all over. He's probably back on here tbh, hunting down his next victim! The issues were never caused by him but always my fault because I was so "mentally unwell". I told him I think he has narcissistic personality and he obviously denied it and still thinks he's amazing and everyone else are idiots.
This could very easily be* my ex too "
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Yes. It's not easy to notice at first. You think they are someone they are not... the signs are all there. It's spotting them! |
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What about those who you think are narcissist and they themselves think they have traits?
do you think this word can be thrown about by someone who might just be trying deflects their shitty behaviour with this tag name? |
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I can’t believe no one fabbed me or messaged - must be the stupid mail thing - or all the women are blind to my awesomeness - well you’re all missing out…. I wouldn’t shag any of you anyway!!! ( flounce….) how was that???  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They are initially exceptionally attractive. So attentive all you could ever want.
They get you, they love you they think you are wonderful.
Then it changes. What they first loved about you is no longer good enough. What you shared with them about your self and past becomes ammunition to hurt you.
They alienate you from your friends and lived ones.
They love you if only you could be better and change.
What they do wrong is your fault. They wouldn't have been angru or unfaithful unless you would have... . Insert whatever.
Creative charismatic sociopaths x |
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They won't think they have the traits. They think they are perfect nothing is wrong with how they act etc. If they are blamed they often then blame others and turn to being the victim. People will always get labelled incorrectly sometimes, that is just how it is. |
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Brilliantly worded! Well done. Btw this is not purely just men. Some women are like this too. Just saying |
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"They are initially exceptionally attractive. So attentive all you could ever want.
They get you, they love you they think you are wonderful.
Then it changes. What they first loved about you is no longer good enough. What you shared with them about your self and past becomes ammunition to hurt you.
They alienate you from your friends and lived ones.
They love you if only you could be better and change.
What they do wrong is your fault. They wouldn't have been angru or unfaithful unless you would have... . Insert whatever.
Creative charismatic sociopaths x "
Sounds like a personal experience xx and I can empathise being on the receiving end as a guy - It just seems helpless at the time because your head can’t tell your heart who to love - even when their behaviour is destroying you. You hold out hoping they’ll change… then they don’t  |
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They can pretend to be caring and sweet, but they are actually very cruel, vindictive, ruthless and even abusive.
They don’t negotiate, they manipulate. |
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The covert narcs are the hardest to spot |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is jealous of your kids. |
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By *igmaMan
over a year ago
Yorkshire |
Constantly posting on social media |
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They make you feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are initially very charming and almost dream-like. You feel very lucky to have them "
... thats the one!and everyone who meets them are so "special" and more you meet them,more they destroy you...in every possible way . |
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Yep like they have to punish you for finding them out, finally realising who they are. They want to make your life as difficult as possible for you. Like it's there last piece of damage they can do to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is jealous of your kids."
Unless you have kids with them. That's even worse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On a good note!I'm hungry... lol...and its over midnight!shocking |
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Haha you know what same here actually?!...what you gonna have? |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Narcissistic people have a personality disorder. |
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Correct good one! Normally multiple personalalies. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
They're the ones that don't care how they fuck you up so long as they get attention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Haha you know what same here actually?!...what you gonna have? "
I think I will just stick to water...  it's a bit too late to eat. |
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Wise decision.... trouble with water is you pee all night! Lol |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Waiting for the daffodils to bloom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Waiting for the daffodils to bloom."
And how's that going? |
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My mate went through hell with a flat out psycho bitch. Messed him up mentally and has made me far more wary of others.
Pretty much all the comments on this thread fit her to a T.
Nasty, destructive, hurtful, manipulative woman.
Mr |
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Yeah agree, it's everything afterwards that's also difficult to deal with. It takes time. I still have little trust in anyone these days. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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they have a history of difficult relationships, people they dont talk to, people who hurt them.
They are impossible to have a discussion with and twist your words or actions until your brain hurts
They cant take no, or a change of plan on your part or someone else being important in your life.
They want to know everything about you to reel you in and then push your buttons to test you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Total Head Fucks
Cause a lot of damage but leave a trail of damning evidence as , actually, they are thick as mince.
Just getting over years of an extremely coercive control ex.
There are definitely a whole host of recognisable patterns once you go through the v difficult process of facing up to WTF just happened to me, realising how long it's being going on for.
Only man I've ever met like that, & love men, especially the ones on here. Woo-eee. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
You are describing my ex wife lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's been hard reading this thread. Brings back the trauma I had with my ex.
So glad to be strong and free x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this sounds like my ex.
He was always saying I had said things and I knew I hadn't, nothing was ever his fault either and always had to turn everything to be about him.
Glad I'm with someone now who I'm truly happy with.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking as someone who needed counselling for the narcissistic (11 year) marriage I was in, there are so many traits.
Unfortunately, due to it being a spectrum disorder, there's no 'one size fits all' to identify a narcissist, but controlling, manipulative, deceitful, cruel, never admitting fault or apologising for anything, deflecting blame, attention seeking, creating drama, putting me down, etc etc are certainly traits I can relate to my ex-wife.
Not that I want a relationship with a man (I'm as straight as a ruler!), my bad experience did make me bicurious sexually (as yet unexplored) |
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They look in the mirror every time they pass it. |
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"Speaking as someone who needed counselling for the narcissistic (11 year) marriage I was in, there are so many traits.
Unfortunately, due to it being a spectrum disorder, there's no 'one size fits all' to identify a narcissist, but controlling, manipulative, deceitful, cruel, never admitting fault or apologising for anything, deflecting blame, attention seeking, creating drama, putting me down, etc etc are certainly traits I can relate to my ex-wife.
Not that I want a relationship with a man (I'm as straight as a ruler!), my bad experience did make me bicurious sexually (as yet unexplored) "
blimey! Not surprising you’re thinking about guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves. "
Do you mean identifying in the outside world or on here?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Grade A manipulators for what’s convenient to them, and gas lighters
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They look in the mirror every time they pass it. "
I tend to look myself a lot in reflections and mirrors but out of habit
But I’m far from a narcissist lol |
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves. "
Do you or anyone else here hold a qualification of any sort ?
Do you think people might just give their unsubstantiated opinion ?
Could this be slightly dangerous ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves.
Do you or anyone else here hold a qualification of any sort ?
Do you think people might just give their unsubstantiated opinion ?
Could this be slightly dangerous ?"
Probably not, yes, yes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves.
Do you or anyone else here hold a qualification of any sort ?
Do you think people might just give their unsubstantiated opinion ?
Could this be slightly dangerous ?"
Being a narc is a trait so you don’t particularly need a qualification for it (we aren’t talking about mental problems) , and you can do some research online about it. I have done some as I’ve had narc ex boyfriends and some “family” members who I absolutely despise
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think it's easier to sus them in written words rather than in person these days.....
I'm lucky, I've never been caught out in my private life away from here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves.
Do you or anyone else here hold a qualification of any sort ?
Do you think people might just give their unsubstantiated opinion ?
Could this be slightly dangerous ?"
Plenty of qualified professionals share their expertise on quora which is where I got my eye-opening crash course. After a mental car-crash entanglement with a narcissist. Clinically its a personality disorder, theres under-developed neurological wiring in emotional centres. The 'tells' as described above are consistent traits. |
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves.
Do you or anyone else here hold a qualification of any sort ?
Do you think people might just give their unsubstantiated opinion ?
Could this be slightly dangerous ?"
I don't need a qualification to know my mother is a Grade A narcissist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves. "
Yeah sadly found this to be a common one as well  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are initially exceptionally attractive. So attentive all you could ever want.
They get you, they love you they think you are wonderful.
Then it changes. What they first loved about you is no longer good enough. What you shared with them about your self and past becomes ammunition to hurt you.
They alienate you from your friends and lived ones.
They love you if only you could be better and change.
What they do wrong is your fault. They wouldn't have been angru or unfaithful unless you would have... . Insert whatever.
Creative charismatic sociopaths x "
You've met my ex then |
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[Removed by poster at 19/08/21 15:51:19] |
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They get annoyed and question your sexuality if you do not show any interest in them. This happened to me at a place of work. She thought she was gods gift but not to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had the misfortune of going out with one for 5 years in my 20’s, and I’m still dealing with the emotional impact to this day. Once you’ve had someone like that in your life it’s difficult to get emotionally close to people in the same way afterwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had the misfortune of going out with one for 5 years in my 20’s, and I’m still dealing with the emotional impact to this day. Once you’ve had someone like that in your life it’s difficult to get emotionally close to people in the same way afterwards."
That's a really long time to allow that person still affect your personal relationships |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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.... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex is a narcissist and I'm still in disbelief that I didn't see the signs sooner. It's taken me a long time and studying my counselling course to realise he's like this. Thank god I'm away from him. People like this are toxic and I sad to say that a member of my family is also a narcissist, who I'm trying to stay away from now x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd create this post where we share personality traits of a narcissist. Maybe we can help someone identify and not get involved with one.
Here is one to start
1. They set higher standards for others than they live up to themselves.
Do you or anyone else here hold a qualification of any sort ?
Do you think people might just give their unsubstantiated opinion ?
Could this be slightly dangerous ?
I don't need a qualification to know my mother is a Grade A narcissist. "
Unfortunately my mum is the same x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 19/08/21 18:23:03] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a scientific fact that more women than men are narcissistic.
This is because when god created women he made a man.
Then removed intellect, accountability and reason |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a scientific fact that more women than men are narcissistic.
This is because when god created women he made a man.
Then removed intellect, accountability and reason "
Well that's utter guff |
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My experience of narcissism has been through people who use the word often to describe those they have had negative experiences with.
Every conversation revolves around their dealings with these narcissists and they are able to quote every post made on social media which is obviously a dig at them personally.
They don't seem aware of the fact that they have turned into the very thing they are accusing others of being. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
I'm sure you didn't mean this to sound as harsh as it does. Narcissists often prey on low self-esteem - I have tried to set stronger boundaries for myself which has helped me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had the misfortune of going out with one for 5 years in my 20’s, and I’m still dealing with the emotional impact to this day. Once you’ve had someone like that in your life it’s difficult to get emotionally close to people in the same way afterwards.
That's a really long time to allow that person still affect your personal relationships "
I know I shouldn’t still let it get to me now, and it’s not something that’s always at the front of my mind. I guess I’m just more guarded overall, so to speak. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
I really wish I knew. And I don’t mean to come across as a ‘victim’ for what I wrote. I’m not asking for sympathy or anything like that, I was just saying that’s all. |
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Remember, the traits of narcissistic people lie on a spectrum, like most of our personality facrts and not everyone with them, even very extreme forms, may still not lead them to be classified as being narcissists.
You won't reach your potential with one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
I'm sure you didn't mean this to sound as harsh as it does. Narcissists often prey on low self-esteem - I have tried to set stronger boundaries for myself which has helped me. "
I agree, and sometimes it’s hard to see what’s actually happening when it’s gradual, and you’re involved. |
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They like to make you cry over they most stupid little things
They accuse you of cheating
They big you up in public and bring you down behind closed doors |
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My ex is a total narcissist
Controlling
Unable to accept responsibility for anything going wrong
Sulks (hoys his toys out of the pram regularly even now)
Knows how to make friends take his side
Goes out of his way to try to cause trouble for me (regularly reports me to dwp for working when I'm not)
Left me with a 6 month old and ended things by text - because I'd let myself go
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
They target strong willed, good, genuine people. Then they break then down slowly, bit by bit.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
I'm sure you didn't mean this to sound as harsh as it does. Narcissists often prey on low self-esteem - I have tried to set stronger boundaries for myself which has helped me.
I agree, and sometimes it’s hard to see what’s actually happening when it’s gradual, and you’re involved. "
Very. I didn't see until I'd left. And years later I still can be triggered by minor things. It's emotional abuse. Takes a toll for a long time. |
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
They will tailor their manipulation according to their 'victim', so will be quite different from the outside. They may seem incredibly charming, optimistic about you and your potential, they may pull you in as a rescuer of some type, they will pull your strings.
The narc is looking for appropriate people to augment them and their needs. These people will be just themselves and if the narc wants to use them, they may be doing nothing unusual or psychologically unhealthy. We're all able to assess others and the narcs will be especially skilled at picking people. If someone is wrong, they'll move on to the next person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
I'm sure you didn't mean this to sound as harsh as it does. Narcissists often prey on low self-esteem - I have tried to set stronger boundaries for myself which has helped me.
I agree, and sometimes it’s hard to see what’s actually happening when it’s gradual, and you’re involved.
Very. I didn't see until I'd left. And years later I still can be triggered by minor things. It's emotional abuse. Takes a toll for a long time."
That’s exactly how I feel too. It’s amazing how quickly you can see it for yourself when out of it! Not so easy beforehand though. I hope it keeps getting easier for you as time goes by. |
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
They target strong willed, good, genuine people. Then they break then down slowly, bit by bit.
"
Whatever attracted him to me in the first place he picked the wrong flower. I dont roll over for my tummy tickled for anyone. Everytime he said something along the lines of "you aren't going put in that are you" I'd reply "yes thanks", he didn't like that. Nor did he like being told straight I saw him for exactly what he was |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
They target strong willed, good, genuine people. Then they break then down slowly, bit by bit.
Whatever attracted him to me in the first place he picked the wrong flower. I dont roll over for my tummy tickled for anyone. Everytime he said something along the lines of "you aren't going put in that are you" I'd reply "yes thanks", he didn't like that. Nor did he like being told straight I saw him for exactly what he was"
I love this!! Well done for standing up to him! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
As if you're turning the problem on us who deal with these wankpots as if it is our own fault.
I can't help who my mother is. And I'm sure most others who deal with narcs didn't get involved knowingly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always the hero or victim.
Never the perpetrator in their head, no matter their actions |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most standards are set too high for me anyway so never going to get involved full stop |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
There are two contrasting types of narcissist: the grandiose type and the vulnerable type.
Narcissism in moderation is healthy. The most extremely and dangerous is the pathological narcissist who suffers fro NPD aka Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is very rare, and can only be diagnosed by a trained professional.
Narcissism is a commonly misused and frequently misascribed term.
Crucially, it is good to feel good about yourself.
It is pathogical to have a narcissistic disdain for others.
The best method to deal with a pathological narcissist to to cut off all contact; they are damaged people who cause damage to others.
Familiarise yourself with narcissistic red flags. |
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
In my case, it's my mother. I didn't ask to be born. Don't blame the victim - blame the person behaving in the negative way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are two contrasting types of narcissist: the grandiose type and the vulnerable type.
Narcissism in moderation is healthy. The most extremely and dangerous is the pathological narcissist who suffers fro NPD aka Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is very rare, and can only be diagnosed by a trained professional.
Narcissism is a commonly misused and frequently misascribed term.
Crucially, it is good to feel good about yourself.
It is pathogical to have a narcissistic disdain for others.
The best method to deal with a pathological narcissist to to cut off all contact; they are damaged people who cause damage to others.
Familiarise yourself with narcissistic red flags."
 |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I read this the other day. It reminded me why I decided to take 2020 as a celibate year (sorry the rest of you had to join me): https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/01/not-all-narcissists-are-grandiose-the-vulnerable-type-can-be-just-as-dangerous
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
"
Great victim blaming there, should I wear a burka too so I dont attract unwanted attention?
These people are just like you and me, its only with prolonged contact that the inconsistencies appear.
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By *iss KissWoman
over a year ago
near Coventry |
They are never interested in anyone's feelings except theirs. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
They target strong willed, good, genuine people. Then they break then down slowly, bit by bit.
Whatever attracted him to me in the first place he picked the wrong flower. I dont roll over for my tummy tickled for anyone. Everytime he said something along the lines of "you aren't going put in that are you" I'd reply "yes thanks", he didn't like that. Nor did he like being told straight I saw him for exactly what he was
I love this!! Well done for standing up to him! "
Thank you others aren't as strong though and may benefit from this thread to help them see they don't have to take it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read this the other day. It reminded me why I decided to take 2020 as a celibate year (sorry the rest of you had to join me): https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/01/not-all-narcissists-are-grandiose-the-vulnerable-type-can-be-just-as-dangerous
"
Well fuck! Lightbulb moment. |
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"I read this the other day. It reminded me why I decided to take 2020 as a celibate year (sorry the rest of you had to join me): https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/01/not-all-narcissists-are-grandiose-the-vulnerable-type-can-be-just-as-dangerous
"
Read this the other week, really good read. Definitely highlights those who aren't the TV stereotype |
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
Aren't the majority of these posts on this thread simply subjective opinions, biassed and without any substantiation. There are soo many definitions of narcissistic people, and just a free for all to slate people they don't particularly like and has nothing to do narcissism.
A narcissistic person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aren't the majority of these posts on this thread simply subjective opinions, biassed and without any substantiation. There are soo many definitions of narcissistic people, and just a free for all to slate people they don't particularly like and has nothing to do narcissism.
A narcissistic person"
It's helping people to talk about the topic. Can't you see that? Do we all need a Masters to anonymously talk about our experience? |
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
"Aren't the majority of these posts on this thread simply subjective opinions, biassed and without any substantiation. There are soo many definitions of narcissistic people, and just a free for all to slate people they don't particularly like and has nothing to do narcissism.
A narcissistic person
It's helping people to talk about the topic. Can't you see that? Do we all need a Masters to anonymously talk about our experience?"
Just calling a person a narcissist in someones opinion doesn't make them one.
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Aren't the majority of these posts on this thread simply subjective opinions, biassed and without any substantiation. There are soo many definitions of narcissistic people, and just a free for all to slate people they don't particularly like and has nothing to do narcissism.
A narcissistic person
It's helping people to talk about the topic. Can't you see that? Do we all need a Masters to anonymously talk about our experience?
Just calling a person a narcissist in someones opinion doesn't make them one.
"
Who said it was someone's opinion? Thank you for your contribution, but I've known my mother for 35.5yrs and her brother has known her for 60. It's conclusive. She is a narcissist and a jolly nasty one at that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At first they make you think you’re the centre of the universe, then they slowly take away everything you liked about yourself. They isolate you from friends and family.
Likes to think they’re wonderful and you’re lucky to have them because no one else wants you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aren't the majority of these posts on this thread simply subjective opinions, biassed and without any substantiation. There are soo many definitions of narcissistic people, and just a free for all to slate people they don't particularly like and has nothing to do narcissism.
A narcissistic person
It's helping people to talk about the topic. Can't you see that? Do we all need a Masters to anonymously talk about our experience?
Just calling a person a narcissist in someones opinion doesn't make them one.
"
This is a supportive topic for those who have struggled with narcissistic behaviour. How are your comments helping anyone? |
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I never met anyone who wasn't one to at least some degree, myself included. Everything is on a spectrum from my perspective including all personality traits and I don't think labels help people, they just polarise and put a finite value on a flexible property. A clever cunt is by definition a clever cunt and will usually outsmart a less clever lesser cunt, right?  |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
They send you abusive messages when you tell them you aren’t meeting at the moment and continue to be abusive when you point out their ranting is a major turn off? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They send you abusive messages when you tell them you aren’t meeting at the moment and continue to be abusive when you point out their ranting is a major turn off?"
Is that narcissistic? Or just not nice and a bit daft |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"They send you abusive messages when you tell them you aren’t meeting at the moment and continue to be abusive when you point out their ranting is a major turn off?
Is that narcissistic? Or just not nice and a bit daft "
I can’t post what he said as it’s against forum rules but he was definitely a narcissist, unfortunately I have experienced a couple of them before him so I know the signs. |
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Believe their own lies which they tell so often. Even when you catch them blatantly out. Course you must of got it wrong they didn't tell you that. Maybe you dreamt it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They try to reinvent themselves over and over, changing tactics each time. The problem with that is they might be able to fool some but they can never hide from themselves.
They're name is usually Bob |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
Feels good in a strange way that unfortunately others have had similar experiences... sorry to hear others have been through it and hopefully you will understand this post as somehow I to kinda feel you never did anything wrong despite been told many times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment."
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs... |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment."
In an odd way I’m being to feel every one has problem category.
Me I’m feeling straight on the binomial chart.
Damn I hate normal.
What would be your new category. |
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"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment."
Have you tried to suggest to a narcissist that they're a narcissist?! Rule 1 of narcissism is that you cannot be at fault for anything, you are perfect and it's everyone else who is problematic. They fundamentally lack the ability to identify their own issue.
You'd think if the same thing unfolded in your life over and over and over again, in exactly the same way, like Groundhog Day, that you might stop and consider how YOU might need to make some alterations? Narcissists don't though. They convince themselves that all of these repeated things are all someone else's fault, even if believing that requires a greater belief in chance than the big JC walking among us.
Trying to tell my mother she's a narcissist and needs help is like trying to tell a 3yo not to get up at 7am on a Saturday...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs... "
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
Have you tried to suggest to a narcissist that they're a narcissist?! Rule 1 of narcissism is that you cannot be at fault for anything, you are perfect and it's everyone else who is problematic. They fundamentally lack the ability to identify their own issue.
You'd think if the same thing unfolded in your life over and over and over again, in exactly the same way, like Groundhog Day, that you might stop and consider how YOU might need to make some alterations? Narcissists don't though. They convince themselves that all of these repeated things are all someone else's fault, even if believing that requires a greater belief in chance than the big JC walking among us.
Trying to tell my mother she's a narcissist and needs help is like trying to tell a 3yo not to get up at 7am on a Saturday......"
It is incredibly difficult, I agree. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see? "
And I wonder why my son is currently rambling into a very fucked up world... if I accept your answer, basically it’s saying we can help a car thief steal more cars more effectively and with less guilt attached... fuck the victims.. very noble ... u will no doubt be surprised i slightly disagree ... sorry as no doubt you will be OFFENDED!
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see? "
Theory says that most narcissists are "created" due to early life experiences. You'd have to intervene at that point, presumably, to prevent the narcissism in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see?
And I wonder why my son is currently rambling into a very fucked up world... if I accept your answer, basically it’s saying we can help a car thief steal more cars more effectively and with less guilt attached... fuck the victims.. very noble ... u will no doubt be surprised i slightly disagree ... sorry as no doubt you will be OFFENDED!
"
I don't know what you're rambling on about. I'm just trying to signpost people to get help. I think you might need some too. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see?
And I wonder why my son is currently rambling into a very fucked up world... if I accept your answer, basically it’s saying we can help a car thief steal more cars more effectively and with less guilt attached... fuck the victims.. very noble ... u will no doubt be surprised i slightly disagree ... sorry as no doubt you will be OFFENDED!
I don't know what you're rambling on about. I'm just trying to signpost people to get help. I think you might need some too."
He’s here 3 years, 1 Veri but an expert is now ‘gaslighting’ me... gotta love it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see?
Theory says that most narcissists are "created" due to early life experiences. You'd have to intervene at that point, presumably, to prevent the narcissism in the first place."
You're right, a large number of narcissists have been categorised as suffering from some childhood trauma. Not all have though.
It is possible to help narcissists, which is why I made my original post. As you mentioned earlier, it is extremely difficult to get them treatment as they don't believe they have it. That is one of the key points of their treatment. It's one of many personality disorders and, unlike anxiety or OCD personality disorders, it has a negative effect on others. This makes suffers receive little sympathy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see?
And I wonder why my son is currently rambling into a very fucked up world... if I accept your answer, basically it’s saying we can help a car thief steal more cars more effectively and with less guilt attached... fuck the victims.. very noble ... u will no doubt be surprised i slightly disagree ... sorry as no doubt you will be OFFENDED!
I don't know what you're rambling on about. I'm just trying to signpost people to get help. I think you might need some too.
He’s here 3 years, 1 Veri but an expert is now ‘gaslighting’ me... gotta love it "
You're just making yourself look silly now. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see?
Theory says that most narcissists are "created" due to early life experiences. You'd have to intervene at that point, presumably, to prevent the narcissism in the first place.
You're right, a large number of narcissists have been categorised as suffering from some childhood trauma. Not all have though.
It is possible to help narcissists, which is why I made my original post. As you mentioned earlier, it is extremely difficult to get them treatment as they don't believe they have it. That is one of the key points of their treatment. It's one of many personality disorders and, unlike anxiety or OCD personality disorders, it has a negative effect on others. This makes suffers receive little sympathy."
Yes, it is hard to have sympathy after nearly 36yrs of emotional abuse from a narcissist parent. We have attempted to help her and encouraged her to seek help, but we might as well tilt at windmills. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"It's a personality disorder. If you or anyone you know is a suspected narcissist, you can direct them to Mind or seek help through the NHS. It is a serious issue and suffers may need support in identifying their problems and gaining help and treatment.
What about people who put up with it? Think
they might need help first ffs...
I'm aware of that sweetie, as are the tens of posts above me offering support and their own experiences of dealing with it. If we support people with narcissism there will be less victims of them. Do you see?
And I wonder why my son is currently rambling into a very fucked up world... if I accept your answer, basically it’s saying we can help a car thief steal more cars more effectively and with less guilt attached... fuck the victims.. very noble ... u will no doubt be surprised i slightly disagree ... sorry as no doubt you will be OFFENDED!
I don't know what you're rambling on about. I'm just trying to signpost people to get help. I think you might need some too.
He’s here 3 years, 1 Veri but an expert is now ‘gaslighting’ me... gotta love it
You're just making yourself look silly now."
No, just asking about any assistance for the victims and all I get is how the perpetrators need help...
If that’s silly I am guilty as fuck... case closed numnut |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?"
Interesting to put the focus on what might attract a Narc to someone. Do you think they have a type? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Aren't the majority of these posts on this thread simply subjective opinions, biassed and without any substantiation. There are soo many definitions of narcissistic people, and just a free for all to slate people they don't particularly like and has nothing to do narcissism.
A narcissistic person"
I don't think so, people have talked mainly about the impact of the Narc rather than slate them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They try to reinvent themselves over and over, changing tactics each time. The problem with that is they might be able to fool some but they can never hide from themselves.
They're name is usually Bob "
I don't agree with the last bit :p |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a scientific fact that more women than men are narcissistic.
This is because when god created women he made a man.
Then removed intellect, accountability and reason "
'As good as it gets'
Jack Nicholson |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"They try to reinvent themselves over and over, changing tactics each time. The problem with that is they might be able to fool some but they can never hide from themselves.
They're name is usually Bob "
Bon left Fab yesterday. Woop woop. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Oh don’t get me started on this one! Twenty years of experience and too many T-shirt’s to count haha! They are no longer welcome within my space Miss Pc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The subject of conversation quickly turns to be about me |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
There is actually one giveaway trait that you should watch for; a disdainful smirk and schadenfreude a delight at the misfortune of others.
The people have little or no empathy; they are totally self-absorbed; it is ALL about them.
Healthy narcissism is good; being a doormat is not a good life choice.
The origin of narcissism is a damaging dysfunctional upbringing; overvaluation and/or devaluation; occasionally both at different times in a child's pivotal years.
The result is the grandiose narcissist: pompous, self-centered, selfish or the compensatory narcissist forever trying to overcome childhood hurts, abuse and putdowns.
And there is intergenerational transmission of narcissism as it is passed between generations, damagingly.
There is no kindness or humanity in these individuals and when combined with psychopathy and Machiavellianism, this leads to what is called The Dark Triad. A truly lethal combination of nastiness in one person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They will never know the difference between white and black. E.G they will always say what they see or think even though it’s blatantly wrong in the eyes of the rest |
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They will mirror your good traits |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
And a further problem with narcissism is that it is exponentially increasing in frequency, and damaging society.
The greatest pervasive prevalence of narcissism is in the United States, which I regard as a dysfunctional society, populated by egomaniacs, psychopaths and narcissists; there are a lot of very damaged people in the USA, but that type of culture is spreading throughout the world; regrettably. |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
".... perhaps 'victims' of narcs should address what attracts the narc to them, and maybe work on that?
I really wish I knew. And I don’t mean to come across as a ‘victim’ for what I wrote. I’m not asking for sympathy or anything like that, I was just saying that’s all. "
Actually the one thing that you can do is only share your trauma stories with people that you absolutely trust. Other narcs use trauma stories to identify new victims. |
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"A narcissist doesn’t know he’s a narcissist, so if you think you’re one, you’re probably not, but then if you don’t think you are, then you could well be."
I would disagree with that. Studies show most narcissists know they are and in addition are proud of the personality traits it produces. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
The principal target of narcissists is what they term empaths, people who have empathy for others, real human beings.
Narcissists have an inherent disdain for empaths whom they regard as weak and easily exploitable because of their humanitarian naivete and gullibility. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are initially exceptionally attractive. So attentive all you could ever want.
They get you, they love you they think you are wonderful.
Then it changes. What they first loved about you is no longer good enough. What you shared with them about your self and past becomes ammunition to hurt you.
They alienate you from your friends and lived ones.
They love you if only you could be better and change.
What they do wrong is your fault. They wouldn't have been angru or unfaithful unless you would have... . Insert whatever.
Creative charismatic sociopaths x "
Absolutely spot on!
My ex was all of those. Yes, narcissist isn't a word to be thrown about lightly but they exist and are damaging to have around, then dangerous when trying to get away from them.
My first hand experience, and happy and lucky to have eventually escaped them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read this the other day. It reminded me why I decided to take 2020 as a celibate year (sorry the rest of you had to join me): https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/01/not-all-narcissists-are-grandiose-the-vulnerable-type-can-be-just-as-dangerous
"
Excellent article thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Grade A gaslighters |
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It sounds as though there is a lot of experience of narcs within this thread, thanks op for starting the topic! Like I said earlier, I have too many T-shirt’s from my past living with narcs, and never again will that happen! It’s also very difficult when you have someone close to you who is engaging with one, and just can’t see it! You can clearly see they are fuelling the narc fire yet there’s nothing you can do but be there when they need you! It’s very frustrating! Miss pc |
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No one in this world is perfect..
Most of us are aware of this and know our own faults..
Those that think they are eventually come unstuck and find themselves in the long run in their own |
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Check out
#mentalhealness
You tube Lee hammock
Self aware narcissist |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd share why I started this post. My mum was with one for 10 years when I was younger. Severely damaged my relationship with her. And recently I've had a few friends mainly female but also 1 male who've found it hard to escape mentally/emotionally abusive relationships.
There is a lot similiar about all our stories. Maybe talking about it might make people think twice before getting too involved with one. They really don't care whether they damage you or and will try and separate you from anyone you care about.
I really hate seeing decent people being preyed upon by them
"
Have you been able to help any to escape? |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
The most prevalent advice for dealing with narcissists is to have no contact with them whatsoever, None, ever. |
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"The most prevalent advice for dealing with narcissists is to have no contact with them whatsoever, None, ever."
Best I heard |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
As a highly empathic and unselfish person, I was formerly an ideal target for predatory narcissists, but when I eventually became aware of the existence of these types of dysfunctional parasites I familiarised myself with their stereotypical m.o.
Now I haven't lost my decent nature, but I keep a sceptical lookout for the vampires who want to suck people dry.
There are loads of them about, and the problem is definitely getting worse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd share why I started this post. My mum was with one for 10 years when I was younger. Severely damaged my relationship with her. And recently I've had a few friends mainly female but also 1 male who've found it hard to escape mentally/emotionally abusive relationships.
There is a lot similiar about all our stories. Maybe talking about it might make people think twice before getting too involved with one. They really don't care whether they damage you or and will try and separate you from anyone you care about.
I really hate seeing decent people being preyed upon by them
Have you been able to help any to escape? "
Yes I helped my friend twice. Once she lived with me for a while. Then she was back in the same situation again. But this time I encouraged her to reach out to others too. So it wasn't just my opinion she heard. I think because she was supported by more people it helped her leave. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
The best way to get revenge on a narcissist is to cut them off, and live your own life to the fullest extent possible. |
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