FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you trust the opposite sex?
Do you trust the opposite sex?
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I’ve not dated many guys, so I can say for sure, but from my experiences I’ve seen woman can be far more callous in their actions than guts can when it comes to the cut throat nature of dating/love
I’m very guarded when trusting any woman with my heart for quite a while. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's always been a mentality that as a female we shouldn't trust men. Trust depends on who they are as a person, how they treat you and the level of importance they have in your life. Im wary of everyone, no matter what sex they are.. there's only a handful of people I trust completely and they have earned that trust. |
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"As in those we know and let in our lives?
Either that, or generally."
People I allow in my life, I have varying levels of trust regardless of gender. Plus I think in extreme circumstances people can act completely different to what they normally would.
People I don't know well I don't trust, again regardless of gender |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I trust people to different levels, depending on how much trust they've earned.
It starts with very little trust, and over time, if they don't fuck me over and prove themselves to be trustworthy, it grows.
I don't have different levels of trust for men and women though, both genders are equally likely to be lovely or be arseholes lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's always been a mentality that as a female we shouldn't trust men. Trust depends on who they are as a person, how they treat you and the level of importance they have in your life. Im wary of everyone, no matter what sex they are.. there's only a handful of people I trust completely and they have earned that trust."
I’m like this too. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
It takes a lot for me to trust anyone of either sex. And I've still been let down hugely too much, which just makes it harder.
But there are a few people I would trust absolutely with my life. And most of them are guys.
There are even a couple of men from fab who I trust.
So I guess the answer is sometimes yes.
That wasn't really helpful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm the kind of person that puts my trust into people.
.
Yes - it does backfire sometimes, but i think most people are worth trusting. "
This is lovely. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It takes a lot for me to trust anyone of either sex. And I've still been let down hugely too much, which just makes it harder.
But there are a few people I would trust absolutely with my life. And most of them are guys.
There are even a couple of men from fab who I trust.
So I guess the answer is sometimes yes.
That wasn't really helpful."
It makes sense, and I hear you. This is my feeling too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind?
1000 million percent trust my partner to keep me safe in all ways "
That’s lovely  . What about others? |
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By *C7995XCouple
over a year ago
London |
"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind?
1000 million percent trust my partner to keep me safe in all ways
That’s lovely . What about others? "
Some of his friends. Yes they would do exactly the same If h wasn’t around. My bother. Yes. My bother in law yes. My dad no. So yes I trust some people of the opposite sex but it comes down to the individual I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It takes a lot for me to trust anyone of either sex. And I've still been let down hugely too much, which just makes it harder.
But there are a few people I would trust absolutely with my life. And most of them are guys.
There are even a couple of men from fab who I trust.
So I guess the answer is sometimes yes.
That wasn't really helpful.
It makes sense, and I hear you. This is my feeling too."
I second this completely. If I’m going to talk to anyone about something of concern the likelihood is it will be one of my close male friends. I have always found it easier to talk to guys and feel more comfortable here as a rule…
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
Generally - no. Especially since being on here.
Individually - physically, sometimes; emotionally, rarely (and when I do, I usually regret it). |
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
With a few exceptions - yes!
Tbh the only really bad fab experiences I’ve had have been with females.
I tend to be able to judge men fairly quickly after all my years on here.  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"It takes a lot for me to trust anyone of either sex. And I've still been let down hugely too much, which just makes it harder.
But there are a few people I would trust absolutely with my life. And most of them are guys.
There are even a couple of men from fab who I trust.
So I guess the answer is sometimes yes.
That wasn't really helpful.
It makes sense, and I hear you. This is my feeling too.
I second this completely. If I’m going to talk to anyone about something of concern the likelihood is it will be one of my close male friends. I have always found it easier to talk to guys and feel more comfortable here as a rule…
"
I grew up surrounded by boys and then men, and I've always worked in fairly male heavy environments until the last couple of years, and I think that's had a big effect on the fact that I'm more likely to get on with and eventually trust men.
It's strange given that I've been so abused by men yet I still feel more let down by the women in my life who have broken my trust. That makes no sense to me. |
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By *eardybobMan
over a year ago
the Goldilocks Zone |
Depends upon context to a degree, but generally I trust everyone until they prove themselves to be untrustworthy, and then the door is closed... forever.
There is an old quote from Nietzsche that goes something like
"What has shaken me is not that you lied to me, but that I can no longer believe you"...
...that |
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I trust D with my life. And I have been blessed to be surrounded by Men who have had my back in the past. Trust is a big thing to give though as it can be taken and destroyed by either sex. I think I might be too trusting. But on the flip side, I think it's better to trust than not.
Jo.Xx |
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Individually, yes. Collectively no.
Quite telling that #NotAllMen is the standard response when women talk about the harrassmemt and abuse they have suffered from men. But men will warn their daughters against "men" as they know what they're like... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I trust D with my life. And I have been blessed to be surrounded by Men who have had my back in the past. Trust is a big thing to give though as it can be taken and destroyed by either sex. I think I might be too trusting. But on the flip side, I think it's better to trust than not.
Jo.Xx "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Individually, yes. Collectively no.
Quite telling that #NotAllMen is the standard response when women talk about the harrassmemt and abuse they have suffered from men. But men will warn their daughters against "men" as they know what they're like..."
That’s a really good point. |
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"For me the question is more about do I trust other people never mind the gender. And I'm not sure, it takes time."
This ^^. A long time, usually, although I had a bit of a wobble with someone on Sunday morning. No idea where it came from, but I’m a little embarrassed now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
Yes I trust one on here still with all of it… though we are friends now she has my back and I’ll always have hers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Individually, yes. Collectively no.
Quite telling that #NotAllMen is the standard response when women talk about the harrassmemt and abuse they have suffered from men. But men will warn their daughters against "men" as they know what they're like..."
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind?
Yes I trust one on here still with all of it… though we are friends now she has my back and I’ll always have hers "
|
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"Depends upon context to a degree, but generally I trust everyone until they prove themselves to be untrustworthy, and then the door is closed... forever.
There is an old quote from Nietzsche that goes something like
"What has shaken me is not that you lied to me, but that I can no longer believe you"...
...that"
Yes, exactly! To trust you have to believe. If I notice a small lie then I question every conversation and interaction between us. I can’t lie for shizzle, especially now as my memory is going more wonky with each year that passes ( ), so it never crosses my mind to be anything but honest. Usually far too honest, if you can describe it as such. Is that a thing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it hard to trust most people but when i find someone i do, i would trust them with my life.
But if theres something that doesnt sit right then thats it. I wont ever trust you.
Theres usually a reason why something doesnt sit right with me and i am usually right, sadly with 1 person i didnt realise till it was too late and i just how wrong i was to trust him.
Its taught me a lesson. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind?
Yes I trust one on here still with all of it… though we are friends now she has my back and I’ll always have hers
"
You have to sometimes take a leap in faith and trust your own convictions. Sometimes it doesn’t always work out how you planned it… but it can still be just as amazing.
|
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"Depends upon context to a degree, but generally I trust everyone until they prove themselves to be untrustworthy, and then the door is closed... forever.
There is an old quote from Nietzsche that goes something like
"What has shaken me is not that you lied to me, but that I can no longer believe you"...
...that
Yes, exactly! To trust you have to believe. If I notice a small lie then I question every conversation and interaction between us. I can’t lie for shizzle, especially now as my memory is going more wonky with each year that passes (), so it never crosses my mind to be anything but honest. Usually far too honest, if you can describe it as such. Is that a thing?"
Just to clarify, though; if I’m questioned about someone else, I clam up like my mouth has been glued shut. If someone has trusted me enough to share something personal and private then it will NEVER go any further. The original ‘Mrs do as you would be done by’  |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Woohoo - generalisations, here we come!
I would agree with the statement that if somebody tells me a lie, even a relatively small one, I will naturally challenge everything they tell me from then on. It usually means there is a small crack in the delicate china of friendship/ relationship.
And even when I have forgiven a lie, I am unable to forget it completely.
So, on that note I trust those (men in my case) who have not lied to me - until they prove me wrong. Do I trust them blindly if I do not know them well? Of course not, that is just common sense to allow trust to build up slowly.
I allow access, both physical, emotional and social on case by case basis. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It takes a lot for me to trust anyone of either sex. And I've still been let down hugely too much, which just makes it harder.
But there are a few people I would trust absolutely with my life. And most of them are guys.
There are even a couple of men from fab who I trust.
So I guess the answer is sometimes yes.
That wasn't really helpful.
It makes sense, and I hear you. This is my feeling too.
I second this completely. If I’m going to talk to anyone about something of concern the likelihood is it will be one of my close male friends. I have always found it easier to talk to guys and feel more comfortable here as a rule…
I grew up surrounded by boys and then men, and I've always worked in fairly male heavy environments until the last couple of years, and I think that's had a big effect on the fact that I'm more likely to get on with and eventually trust men.
It's strange given that I've been so abused by men yet I still feel more let down by the women in my life who have broken my trust. That makes no sense to me."
Actually NSP it makes a lot of sense. I too am similar, it drove my study of psychology, I needed to know why i am the way I am.. not much seems to make sense… i am more enlightend now however doesnt change things! Behaviours have changed and sometimes i wished i didn’t understand!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"It takes a lot for me to trust anyone of either sex. And I've still been let down hugely too much, which just makes it harder.
But there are a few people I would trust absolutely with my life. And most of them are guys.
There are even a couple of men from fab who I trust.
So I guess the answer is sometimes yes.
That wasn't really helpful.
It makes sense, and I hear you. This is my feeling too.
I second this completely. If I’m going to talk to anyone about something of concern the likelihood is it will be one of my close male friends. I have always found it easier to talk to guys and feel more comfortable here as a rule…
I grew up surrounded by boys and then men, and I've always worked in fairly male heavy environments until the last couple of years, and I think that's had a big effect on the fact that I'm more likely to get on with and eventually trust men.
It's strange given that I've been so abused by men yet I still feel more let down by the women in my life who have broken my trust. That makes no sense to me.
Actually NSP it makes a lot of sense. I too am similar, it drove my study of psychology, I needed to know why i am the way I am.. not much seems to make sense… i am more enlightend now however doesnt change things! Behaviours have changed and sometimes i wished i didn’t understand! "
Definitely get that.... people are weird xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My partner is the only man I trust entirely. But we have been through so much throughout our relationship and he has earned it.
Men in general? Nope, I wouldn't say so. I'd also apply this to women. I wouldn't say there is a gender I feel more trusting of if I'm being honest because both are capable of being wankers. I trust most people I know *to an extent* if they give me good reason to believe they're genuine. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I always advise people we meet who are new to the kink scene to not trust anyone, including us, until they have earned it.
Trust is not something to be handed out freely, and a persons gender should not really be a determining factor. A persons behaviour is far more relevant to if I will trust them. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Was just thinking, OP (great thread again!!) whether the while thing is essentially a risk assessment we carry out before entrusting something precious (information about ourselves, access to our emotional part etc) to another person who could harm us through that knowledge or access.
We assess (even if this is done subconsciously) what the likelihood/ impact are if the trust proves to have been misplaced, so what it means to have been wrong about the person.
it is probably not gender specific unless prior experience has had a major impact on our risk bias. |
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By *eardybobMan
over a year ago
the Goldilocks Zone |
"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist. "
I love this - What is the point indeed! Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t trust women any less than I trust men. Gender plays no role in who I trust.
I’ve got mates in the army who I would trust to take a bullet for me but I wouldn’t trust them not to piss in my brew when I wasn’t looking.
Then there are women in my life that I would trust with my most emotional secrets but I wouldn’t trust them not to sneak vegetables into my dinner to try and make me eat better.
Bottom line. Don’t trust anyone. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don’t trust women any less than I trust men. Gender plays no role in who I trust.
I’ve got mates in the army who I would trust to take a bullet for me but I wouldn’t trust them not to piss in my brew when I wasn’t looking.
Then there are women in my life that I would trust with my most emotional secrets but I wouldn’t trust them not to sneak vegetables into my dinner to try and make me eat better.
Bottom line. Don’t trust anyone. "
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By *eardybobMan
over a year ago
the Goldilocks Zone |
"I don’t trust women any less than I trust men. Gender plays no role in who I trust.
I’ve got mates in the army who I would trust to take a bullet for me but I wouldn’t trust them not to piss in my brew when I wasn’t looking.
Then there are women in my life that I would trust with my most emotional secrets but I wouldn’t trust them not to sneak vegetables into my dinner to try and make me eat better.
Bottom line. Don’t trust anyone. "
- not with your brew anyway!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist. "
I’m like you, I’ve friends I’d place the trust of my life in… my best friend as the tryst earned frim 12 years of serving together and a total of 27 years of being brothers.
I already trust him with my life and I’d trust him with my little daughters life if something happens to me.
I always wear my heart openly and like you it’s been hurt on occasion but it’s also allowed me to feel so much love in return.
I’ll never stop putting my faith and trust into people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist.
I’m like you, I’ve friends I’d place the trust of my life in… my best friend as the tryst earned frim 12 years of serving together and a total of 27 years of being brothers.
I already trust him with my life and I’d trust him with my little daughters life if something happens to me.
I always wear my heart openly and like you it’s been hurt on occasion but it’s also allowed me to feel so much love in return.
I’ll never stop putting my faith and trust into people."
Brilliant post. But still don’t leave a brew unattended |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My trust is based person to person. Im not sure why sex, gender or anything else would come into it.
Other than if the are a politician or own a newspaper. Then I'd check my watch. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I have trusted members of the opposite sex with all of me, my body/mind/heart with varying outcomes. Some have loved me, some have taken my heart and stamped on it and some have manipulated my mind and destroyed my confidence - I don’t regret any of these experiences but see them as a learning curve, l was giving away what I have and who I am too freely, it taught me a lesson and made me realise my own self worth.
I am very selective in whom I show my full self too and hyper aware that if I choose to do so it will always mean I have that little piece of vulnerability showing that some men or woman can take advantage of.
It’s a bit of a vicious circle but I can say that I have a small circle of friends/family who I trust implicitly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist.
I’m like you, I’ve friends I’d place the trust of my life in… my best friend as the tryst earned frim 12 years of serving together and a total of 27 years of being brothers.
I already trust him with my life and I’d trust him with my little daughters life if something happens to me.
I always wear my heart openly and like you it’s been hurt on occasion but it’s also allowed me to feel so much love in return.
I’ll never stop putting my faith and trust into people.
Brilliant post. But still don’t leave a brew unattended "
Haha you’d have to look at why the guys choose your brew consistently  |
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"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist.
I’m like you, I’ve friends I’d place the trust of my life in… my best friend as the tryst earned frim 12 years of serving together and a total of 27 years of being brothers.
I already trust him with my life and I’d trust him with my little daughters life if something happens to me.
I always wear my heart openly and like you it’s been hurt on occasion but it’s also allowed me to feel so much love in return.
I’ll never stop putting my faith and trust into people.
Brilliant post. But still don’t leave a brew unattended "
Wise words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist.
I’m like you, I’ve friends I’d place the trust of my life in… my best friend as the tryst earned frim 12 years of serving together and a total of 27 years of being brothers.
I already trust him with my life and I’d trust him with my little daughters life if something happens to me.
I always wear my heart openly and like you it’s been hurt on occasion but it’s also allowed me to feel so much love in return.
I’ll never stop putting my faith and trust into people.
Brilliant post. But still don’t leave a brew unattended
Haha you’d have to look at why the guys choose your brew consistently "
Maybe because of the rocks in peoples bergans |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have trusted members of the opposite sex with all of me, my body/mind/heart with varying outcomes. Some have loved me, some have taken my heart and stamped on it and some have manipulated my mind and destroyed my confidence - I don’t regret any of these experiences but see them as a learning curve, l was giving away what I have and who I am too freely, it taught me a lesson and made me realise my own self worth.
I am very selective in whom I show my full self too and hyper aware that if I choose to do so it will always mean I have that little piece of vulnerability showing that some men or woman can take advantage of.
It’s a bit of a vicious circle but I can say that I have a small circle of friends/family who I trust implicitly. "
I agree with this, I’ve had all of these experiences, and you hurt, you learn, you don’t yourself off and carry on, and sometimes that trust is rewarded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Individually, yes. Collectively no.
Quite telling that #NotAllMen is the standard response when women talk about the harrassmemt and abuse they have suffered from men. But men will warn their daughters against "men" as they know what they're like...
That’s a really good point. "
There are two problems with that mentality. I used to have family in South Africa. As a white person in SA you have a far far higher chance of being the victim of crime committed by a black person than by another white, does that mean that because the facts clearly show a correlation between skin colour and crime that it is right to judge others by the colour of their skin?
Secondly, I would say this says more about the father's in question, not men in general. My best mate has a teenage daughter and not once has he warned her about men, he believes that such warnings are wrong, that they maintain an outdated stereotype and are harmful to both men and women. The types of men who warn their daughters about other men are those who know what they are like themselves and judge other men on their own behavoir.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have trusted members of the opposite sex with all of me, my body/mind/heart with varying outcomes. Some have loved me, some have taken my heart and stamped on it and some have manipulated my mind and destroyed my confidence - I don’t regret any of these experiences but see them as a learning curve, l was giving away what I have and who I am too freely, it taught me a lesson and made me realise my own self worth.
I am very selective in whom I show my full self too and hyper aware that if I choose to do so it will always mean I have that little piece of vulnerability showing that some men or woman can take advantage of.
It’s a bit of a vicious circle but I can say that I have a small circle of friends/family who I trust implicitly. "
This x |
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As I said above, trust works both ways as does friendship.
It is built over a period of time.
Some people don't trust easily and others are too quick to place their trust in a stranger.
Some people are quick to share private thoughts and ideas and experiences but have no genuine interest in the other person's thoughts or experience because they are consumed by their own. I don't trust people like that regardless of gender.
Some people are much more interested in asking lots of questions and finding out everything about others but don't reciprocate and I trust those even less regardless of gender.
I have learned over the years to take an "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" approach to trust.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have 2 best friends I would lay down in traffic for. They know the trust level is total.
But I find it hard to allow anyone else in behind the wall. Having been hurt badly in the past my ability to trust is somewhat guarded.
But that is linked to my past… So it purely depends on the context and circumstances you find yourself in. Ones view point of what is a break in trust and how to deal with it differ from person to person and point can become and often is clouded by past experiences - Judging people or actions before you have all the facts is human nature. And as to what and how that break in trust manifests is subjective from situation to situation.
I have trusted many people. I have been utterly let down by some.
The statement ‘the one you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger is so true’ and it is in my case.
But you cannot allow this to become your ready stance. We as humans need to place trust in people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s been bruised… but will I give that trust again. Yes. Without being able to do that what’s the point..
That just came out… better call my therapist.
I’m like you, I’ve friends I’d place the trust of my life in… my best friend as the tryst earned frim 12 years of serving together and a total of 27 years of being brothers.
I already trust him with my life and I’d trust him with my little daughters life if something happens to me.
I always wear my heart openly and like you it’s been hurt on occasion but it’s also allowed me to feel so much love in return.
I’ll never stop putting my faith and trust into people.
Brilliant post. But still don’t leave a brew unattended
Haha you’d have to look at why the guys choose your brew consistently
Maybe because of the rocks in peoples bergans "
Trust it’s a two way street |
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I don't trust based on gender, I trust (or mistrust) based on individual people and their behaviour...but on the whole I trust more men than women, so I guess that's sort of a yes to your question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
I like to give everybody a chance but actually trusting someone takes time. I don't do it quickly or easily but once I do it's with everything, all or nothing kind of mentality.
But once that trust is established, my loyalty is fierce. I'll go to war for you no questions asked. Maybe because I know how committed I will be it makes me more guarded in choosing who to commit to (in a relationship or friendship sense).
What about you OP? What's your take on it? |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
"I have trusted members of the opposite sex with all of me, my body/mind/heart with varying outcomes. Some have loved me, some have taken my heart and stamped on it and some have manipulated my mind and destroyed my confidence - I don’t regret any of these experiences but see them as a learning curve, l was giving away what I have and who I am too freely, it taught me a lesson and made me realise my own self worth.
I am very selective in whom I show my full self too and hyper aware that if I choose to do so it will always mean I have that little piece of vulnerability showing that some men or woman can take advantage of.
It’s a bit of a vicious circle but I can say that I have a small circle of friends/family who I trust implicitly.
I agree with this, I’ve had all of these experiences, and you hurt, you learn, you don’t yourself off and carry on, and sometimes that trust is rewarded. "
Definitely, everything in life is a learning curve in some way, you have an incredibly kind heart and have always shown that to me, thank you x |
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This isn't something that requires gender division for me.
People are people.
If I feel unloved, insecure, at risk with a man ..... it's not because he's a man it would be because of the type of person he is..... Same goes with women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a very binary , hetero sort of a question really"
That’s a good point, and it’s kind of segued into being that, which it should have been in the first case really. |
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My trust is never based on gender, it's based on the person.
If they're trustworthy they have it, if they're not they don't.
The person I trust most in the world is a woman because in all the years of friendship she's never hurt or betrayed me and knows more about me than most. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
No unfortunately... I'm talking about peeps you meet online. It takes alot for me to build up any kind of trust tbh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Up until about a year ago I'd say my faith was very shaken in the opposite sex. My mother's very verbally abuseive and lead me down a dark path but after working on myself I'm far more confident. I notice abuse and manipulation very easy these days so I'd say keep good company keep your mind clear from people like that and happiness and trust will follow |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
Not with my heart, no...my heart belongs to my family, always has and always will. My body, yes...and some of my mind as well (but the deepest darkest corners of my mind are mine alone). No one will ever know me 100%, and that's the way I want it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not with my heart, no...my heart belongs to my family, always has and always will. My body, yes...and some of my mind as well (but the deepest darkest corners of my mind are mine alone). No one will ever know me 100%, and that's the way I want it."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I quite readily trust people, but that’s only because I’ve learned (from bitter experience) to give them as much as you’d trust them with.
The more I get to know them and what they’re like, the more I’ll extend to them.
Do I trust anyone 100%? No. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmm....ive never married and never had children......who didnt trust who i wonder
Wise life decisions Lucky You  & I mean it X"
Youre not the first to say so...but i think i will miss being a grandad when im old...still, cross that bridge if i ever get to it!
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Gender doesn't factor into it, it's based around the person themselves, I don't trust easily as I've been hurt a lot so if I give you my trust then you've earned it "
I think because my original question was inspired by another thread, it came to me in a gendered way, but actually it didn’t need to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Given human nature is to look out for self preservation I don’t truly trust people regardless of their genders. Call my cynical but I’m yet to meet an honest person especially not in fab haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Given human nature is to look out for self preservation I don’t truly trust people regardless of their genders. Call my cynical but I’m yet to meet an honest person especially not in fab haha"
You can trust me I am doctor |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"Given human nature is to look out for self preservation I don’t truly trust people regardless of their genders. Call my cynical but I’m yet to meet an honest person especially not in fab haha
You can trust me I am doctor "
Im not sure being a proctologist counts.   |
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
Do not trust anyone who I don't know well. Seen sights that make you ashamed to be human. I have seen how women treat men, seen how women treat women, and obviously men treat woman. It would take a long time for me to trust opposite sex as said I have seen the darkside the real face so many times, but but eventually found the one.
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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle-under-Lyme |
Based on past experience I won’t ever trust anyone completely with my heart again. The rest depends on how well I know them. I don’t like people I don’t know trying to play mind games and I only submit physically to people I have got to know very well and have absolute trust in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
I can tell they are different “creatures” and think different. I don’t always feel safe and tend to feel more in tune with women when it comes to being comfortable at my most.
But I CANT live without men so… 
I do think tho, a lot of men lack of emotional maturity, or they don’t tap as deep .. no matter how sensitive they can be x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So sad, how many people have been hurt  "
Is it? Generally I find the falling down part is often what’s needed to get back up and become stronger. Hard to see the dark side of the moon when facing the sun all the time |
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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
"Do you feel safe with them, physically, emotionally?
Can you trust them with your body, heart, mind? "
Some yes, some no. Its about the person. Sex isn't a thing to me. My best friend is female. I trust her and she does break me on occasion. But it's a 2 way street. I'm the only man she trusts after her ex..... So I take that responsibility seriously. |
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"So sad, how many people have been hurt
Is it? Generally I find the falling down part is often what’s needed to get back up and become stronger. Hard to see the dark side of the moon when facing the sun all the time "
There’s a difference between falling down and getting knocked down, then kicked while you’re down there. |
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Women tend to be more intuitive so can hurt much more than men as they know your weak spots. I would say i trust men more for that reason. Men tend to hurt through unreliability and thoughtlessness which doesn't hurt as much. But rejection from either gender is painful and is why i don't get fully invested with one single person anymore. ENM protects me. |
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