FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > "Just message her, what have you got to loose?"...well maybe there is something you can loose
"Just message her, what have you got to loose?"...well maybe there is something you can loose
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"I've noticed this comment on many threads relating to the struggles of men on this site. It's a very positive and uplifting message, similar to "Don't give up, get back up and try again!", and I understand why people say it, because they relate it to challenges we have in real life. Yes, when it comes to a task that you have, and the success of it is dependent of your skills, abilities and intellect, you need to have that attitude...the "don't give up!" attitude, because ultimately the success of that task is in your hands. Now does that analogy work when it comes to messaging women on fab? From my point of view (and experience) it does not...statistically speaking messaging women on fab is more a gamble, as the success (aka reply) is not dependent of you, the reply is solely in the hands of the woman you message. And of course you might be a very lucky man, and you can message 10/15/20 women in a day and one of them could reply. However I do remember my experience on the site in the beginning (and I think plenty of us men experienced this and plenty are still are experiencing it)... you message a number of women, and all are either a rejection, or your message is just ignored. What if you do that every day and it's the same result? What do you think happens after a while? Well for me it was that it was affecting my self esteem, and confidence and it made me feel not good enough or worthless (and I think many men feel the same- and we shouldn't be ashamed to admit that). I also understand that there are some that have that tough skin and are in no way affected by constant rejection, and to those I say I applaud you! (I wish more of us were like that), but nonetheless most of us men would be affected in some capacity, therefore I don't think comments like "don't give up" or "just message her" are that simple. For me everything changed when I shifted my focus on myself (aka my profile)...I started focusing more on my pictures, I started to introduce different types of videos and even though I hate talking about myself, I actually made an effort to write something about myself (and of course being honest about what you write). I came to the realisation that if a woman doesn't find your profile attractive in the first place, it really doesn't matter how awesome your message is, as you will most likely not get a reply. Afterwards everything changed, I started getting messages and made connections, I was confident enough to engage with people in the forums, got my self esteem back, but most importantly I am happy and content. Now this is my experience and I am not saying you shouldn't message women in here, but what I am saying is that before you even consider doing that, focus on you first...make your profile your task (as that is dependent on you alone) and make it in such a way you can be proud of it. Some of you guys might have different experiences, maybe you can add to this, or maybe you can offer a different approach. Let's help each other and share information, rather than to always give the same old generic useless comment : "well what did you expect bro ?!" Ladies feel free to add to this as well, however I would like us men to be part of a conversation on how we can help each other, as there has been a lot of "men hating" in the forums lately (ironically enough mostly by other men). Everyone should experience fab in the most positive way possible. "Very well put and your profile is spot on as I've already told you  | |||
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"This is one of the best posts I've ever read in here Mekell, and I agree with everything you've written. I hope guys who are struggling take your advice because I know from my own experiences on here that the reward is well worth the effort." Absolutely couldn't agree more - really great post OP | |||
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"I couldn't agree with this more. The profile is everything!! " This! The text pictures all of it build a little picture of who you are and if there a connection. | |||
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"Also OP your profile is very sexy xx" Are you planning a trip to Croydon for next week?  | |||
"Also OP your profile is very sexy xx Are you planning a trip to Croydon for next week? "Haha | |||
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It can be soul destroying being a single guy on here but you can also help yourself become much more appealing.
K | |||
"Also OP your profile is very sexy xx Are you planning a trip to Croydon for next week?
Haha "Go onnnn. You know you want to.  | |||
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"Excellent thread op. The constant rejection definitely wears me down. I have really found myself questioning what I am on here for. It is supposed to be fun! " You have a lovely partner, C. Don't forget that | |||
"I myself do struggle with getting responses from a lot of the ladies and couples I contact. Usually it's an ignore, delete or a polite rejection (much prefer to get the polite rejection personally). Now, I agree with OP's post. Although in saying this, I feel like I actually have a pretty good profile (correct me if I'm wrong please and if so what I could amend). I do have some issues though.. 1 = I'm a short Male.. this never helps. 2 = I'm skinny, also generally not a great selling point. finally, 3 = I have this affliction here in the UK called, being an Aussie... It's seems to give a majority of people the misconception of what I should look/be like. Damn my genes.. LOL Anyway, I thought I would add my 2p, as I do agree with OP, but should also be noted that there is always going to be something that stops someone (not all) from being interested. AussieChris "Your comment stood out to me and wanted to reply to you earlier, just didn't have the time...Apologies. It's never easy for a man to tell another man they look good, without some idiot in the background screaming "Gay!"...but I think you look handsome and you can rock a suit. I feel you man, regarding the height, my 5'7" puts me in the short man category as well, and that reduces your attractiveness in the eyes of so many women, I get it! But I'm sure you heard this before, there's nothing that we can do about it, and stressing about something that we cannot change is not healthy. Focus on that which you can change. I too was very skinny in my teens, but here is the fun part about building muscles (if that's what you want) whilst you are skinny...you can enjoy so many delicious meals, as the objective is to consume many calories. And on top of that you just add your strength exercises, being at the gym or even simply by using your body weight (push ups, pull ups, bodyweight squats are a good foundation to start with). In regards to your profile, I would keep the dick pics in the friends only or private section of your profile, trust me if a woman wants to see it she will ask for it. Like I said you look good in a suit maybe add more of those pictures. Also it's not about having muscles, it's about keeping fit, so whatever form of physical activities you enjoy, put that in your profile as well (maybe swimming, cycling, football or jogging). Other than that, I wouldn't change anything in your profile. And like others have pointed out, just be visible in the forums- fun games are always a good way to connect with others there. Hope this helps my friend | |||
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"Your comment stood out to me and wanted to reply to you earlier, just didn't have the time...Apologies. It's never easy for a man to tell another man they look good, without some idiot in the background screaming "Gay!"...but I think you look handsome and you can rock a suit. I feel you man, regarding the height, my 5'7" puts me in the short man category as well, and that reduces your attractiveness in the eyes of so many women, I get it! But I'm sure you heard this before, there's nothing that we can do about it, and stressing about something that we cannot change is not healthy. Focus on that which you can change. I too was very skinny in my teens, but here is the fun part about building muscles (if that's what you want) whilst you are skinny...you can enjoy so many delicious meals, as the objective is to consume many calories. And on top of that you just add your strength exercises, being at the gym or even simply by using your body weight (push ups, pull ups, bodyweight squats are a good foundation to start with). In regards to your profile, I would keep the dick pics in the friends only or private section of your profile, trust me if a woman wants to see it she will ask for it. Like I said you look good in a suit maybe add more of those pictures. Also it's not about having muscles, it's about keeping fit, so whatever form of physical activities you enjoy, put that in your profile as well (maybe swimming, cycling, football or jogging). Other than that, I wouldn't change anything in your profile. And like others have pointed out, just be visible in the forums- fun games are always a good way to connect with others there. Hope this helps my friend "Wow. That's very helpful thank you, thanks for the compliments as well, not a gym goer sadly (but I still enjoy all the meals), but that's not all on choice. I'll try to be more active in the forums (I do join in on the games etc but just lately haven't had the interest for some reason) As for my height, yeah sometimes it gets me down, especially when you see a lovely woman, and think i'll message her (then read the profile beforehand and they like tall men 5'10" plus).. but in most cases It doesn't bother me. It is what it is. Most of what I was saying does revert to the 'Not everyone's cup of tea' type thing. apart from physically, I'm sure that my personality can more than make up for my 'short' comings.. lol In either case, again, thank you. I'll make note to hide my dick pics away again, and only show upon request. I will also try to take more shots of me being active out and about etc. | |||
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"I can relate being an inch shorter than yourself, I sometimes worry that my profile (which is in need of revision) is too convoluted as is. I sometimes look at verifications to compare myself against and it feels that the more sought after guys tend to have concise profiles (aside from being taller etc), that it seems that "less is more" to the point where you don't know what some of these men even like or are after, you could fit some of their descriptions on a fortune cookie slip or on a Christmas cracker insert. I'm not advocating for low effort profile texts but I think from what I have gathered, that one shouldn't appear too fixated on it, saying just enough rather than appearing overly invested as though you're either full of yourself or trying too hard (conveying desperation)." That is a very interesting take my friend. It could very well be that there are men that are visually so appealing, they don't have to make a huge effort. The tall, handsome fit ideal man, with tattoos covered arms and the perfect masculine stubble and who isn't afraid to show their face on here (I've noticed that is a huge advantage for a man - being able to show their face on their profile). However I feel that women want to see a variety of pictures on a profile, ranging from sexy (sexual) to elegant...from "I'm just chilling at home with my favourite drink " to the outdoor fun activities (showcasing your hobbies). Women are stimulated visually to a very small degree...they want to find out more about a man in order to find him interesting and attractive. | |||
I think my profile reflects the essence of who I am. I could put a load of macho what-a-stud-I-am-with-my-10-inch-tongue stuff on there but it would be false advertising (as it’s only 5 inches )
Waiting for the inbox to be rammed by lunchtime now….
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"Great Post OP As a female I read the profile before opening any message I receive, it tells me all I need to know about someone ( well if they have written anything, but that says enough in itself). I prefer to see if my interests align with the person messaging, what content they have about themselves that would intrigue me to find out more. No content, shows no effort in themselves, and therefore would be of no interest to me. Just my opinion, don't wish to offend the haters "
To add to this - also before I reply I read their veris and check the profiles of the people who have verified them.
I am looking for a very small percentage of Fabbers - those that fit my interests and who are genuinely interested in me too. I don’t like to string along those that will never be of interest to me. | |||
"Thanks for this thread OP. It’s inspired me to go and refresh my profile. Your 6-pack probably helps a lot though!
I think my profile reflects the essence of who I am. I could put a load of macho what-a-stud-I-am-with-my-10-inch-tongue stuff on there but it would be false advertising (as it’s only 5 inches )
Waiting for the inbox to be rammed by lunchtime now….
" cheers buddy...hope you are having a good Sunday, and your inbox is outta control by now  | |||
"Great Post OP As a female I read the profile before opening any message I receive, it tells me all I need to know about someone ( well if they have written anything, but that says enough in itself). I prefer to see if my interests align with the person messaging, what content they have about themselves that would intrigue me to find out more. No content, shows no effort in themselves, and therefore would be of no interest to me. Just my opinion, don't wish to offend the haters
To add to this - also before I reply I read their veris and check the profiles of the people who have verified them.
I am looking for a very small percentage of Fabbers - those that fit my interests and who are genuinely interested in me too. I don’t like to string along those that will never be of interest to me." | |||
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"Great post, great profile, great pics (except for the one where you didn't take your socks off) Sending the other 95% of men who make minimal effort to have a look! "Ouch | |||
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"Great post, great profile, great pics (except for the one where you didn't take your socks off) Sending the other 95% of men who make minimal effort to have a look! "Oooh you got down to the feet?? Well done  I think I stalled mid way | |||
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"The OPs profile is very alluring. I can even forgive the socks - at least they aren't above-the-ankle white tennis socks "Socks are gone  | |||
"ok so taken dick pics to friends only, and even added a new pic... think i'll try to carry on this crazy ordeal lol" Just be careful there's no socks in the pictures as well ...aperantly that's also a big No No | |||
"ok so taken dick pics to friends only, and even added a new pic... think i'll try to carry on this crazy ordeal lol Just be careful there's no socks in the pictures as well ...aperantly that's also a big No No "fast screening for socks | |||
"The OPs profile is very alluring. I can even forgive the socks - at least they aren't above-the-ankle white tennis socks
Socks are gone "I did say I could forgive them What helps also, OP, is that despite most of your face being obscured (understandable, as ours are), it is clearly a very handsome face.
Something for guys to understand is that, for many women, an attractive face is more important than the body. I have spoken with seemingly very attractive men but when a face pic is shared, I don't find the whole "package" attractive. I may well just be shallow as a puddle, but a handsome face is a big plus point, chaps | |||
"The OPs profile is very alluring. I can even forgive the socks - at least they aren't above-the-ankle white tennis socks
Socks are gone
I did say I could forgive them What helps also, OP, is that despite most of your face being obscured (understandable, as ours are), it is clearly a very handsome face.
Something for guys to understand is that, for many women, an attractive face is more important than the body. I have spoken with seemingly very attractive men but when a face pic is shared, I don't find the whole "package" attractive. I may well just be shallow as a puddle, but a handsome face is a big plus point, chaps "I understand what you are saying, but I believe a handsome face is very much subjective, just because you find a face handsome doesn't mean others will...I've met women that don't find Tom Hardy handsome  ...Tom freaking Hardy | |||
"The OPs profile is very alluring. I can even forgive the socks - at least they aren't above-the-ankle white tennis socks
Socks are gone
I did say I could forgive them What helps also, OP, is that despite most of your face being obscured (understandable, as ours are), it is clearly a very handsome face.
Something for guys to understand is that, for many women, an attractive face is more important than the body. I have spoken with seemingly very attractive men but when a face pic is shared, I don't find the whole "package" attractive. I may well just be shallow as a puddle, but a handsome face is a big plus point, chaps
I understand what you are saying, but I believe a handsome face is very much subjective, just because you find a face handsome doesn't mean others will...I've met women that don't find Tom Hardy handsome ...Tom freaking Hardy "Ummmmmmmmm. Newsflash. I don't find Tom Hardy attractive Nor a bunch of other celebrity guys who everyone raves about!
But of course, attractiveness is definitely subjective | |||
