FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Being vulnerable…
Being vulnerable…
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
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Mostly I hate it but if I really trust someone I will be with them. Funnily enough I actually feel very honoured when someone else allos themselves to be vulnerable with me, perhaps because of my own attitudes to it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
"
There are v few people who I will show my vulnerability to.. I’ve been brought up to be stoic and just get on with it.. which has been to my detriment sometimes..
The few times I have showed my vulnerability it hasn’t gone the way I hoped so I kind of keep it hidden still.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mostly I hate it but if I really trust someone I will be with them. Funnily enough I actually feel very honoured when someone else allos themselves to be vulnerable with me, perhaps because of my own attitudes to it. "
I hear you. I’m the same, and also feel honoured when someone trusts me enough to allow themselves to show their vulnerability. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would only admit that to someone close. I try not to show any vulnerabilities to most people as there are too many manipulative people about. I'm also a very private person so don't like to shout about me and my life in general. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
There are v few people who I will show my vulnerability to.. I’ve been brought up to be stoic and just get on with it.. which has been to my detriment sometimes..
The few times I have showed my vulnerability it hasn’t gone the way I hoped so I kind of keep it hidden still.."
I’m sorry to hear that  , and it’s hard to do isn’t it.
I know what you mean about being stoic, I was brought up the same, and that word has been used to describe me.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've started now, yes. Especially as I think it's important men in particular open up.
Not fully open to all ppl.
But less closed. And less ashamed. "
Good for you! I respect that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Vulnerability is a strength in my eyes. It's the greatest measure of courage also, to show up, regardless of the outcome.
Many people here, I suspect are vulnerable in their own ways, but it's not winning or losing when you show someone your vulnerabilities.
Being open and honest at the start of any relationship here is the key to a happy one. When you show someone your vulnerabilities, especially strangers, it demonstrates trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've started now, yes. Especially as I think it's important men in particular open up.
Not fully open to all ppl.
But less closed. And less ashamed.
Good for you! I respect that. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No shame in being vulnerable, I am classed as a vulnerable person and try to put it behind me and enjoy myself which is sometimes difficult. If people are genuine and non judgemental it makes our lives so much better. Just my own personal opinion  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Vulnerability is a strength in my eyes. It's the greatest measure of courage also, to show up, regardless of the outcome.
Many people here, I suspect are vulnerable in their own ways, but it's not winning or losing when you show someone your vulnerabilities.
Being open and honest at the start of any relationship here is the key to a happy one. When you show someone your vulnerabilities, especially strangers, it demonstrates trust."
But as scarlet said above, people can be manipulative, and could you be opening yourself up to someone untrustworthy? |
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I don't necessarily see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. They are a part of me and I accept that. If I'm aware and acknowledge them it makes it difficult for others to take advantage of them in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No shame in being vulnerable, I am classed as a vulnerable person and try to put it behind me and enjoy myself which is sometimes difficult. If people are genuine and non judgemental it makes our lives so much better. Just my own personal opinion "
Agree there's no shame in being vulnerable. But I'm sure as hell not gonna show my vulnerabilities to the world and his dog. That's asking for trouble imo. |
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Yes I admit it.. I’m an open book when it comes to mental health after a Rocky patch. Thankfully I’m on the other side and generally the one that friends and kids come to when they’re feeling it too. It’s important to create safe spaces with those you love and trust where you can just support each other by simply knowing one is having a tough time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve just used the dictaphone to say Vulnerability cause I’m lazy and it came out as ‘find a bully’ make of that what you will, bloody Westcountry accent. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't necessarily see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. They are a part of me and I accept that. If I'm aware and acknowledge them it makes it difficult for others to take advantage of them in my opinion. "
Oh dammit, I knew I meant to add something else.
It was do you see being vulnerable as a weakness?!
Thank you Frida |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It was do you see being vulnerable as a weakness?!
Thank you Frida"
I think it can be when partnered with naivety, a trusting nature and lack of self awareness. |
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"I don't necessarily see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. They are a part of me and I accept that. If I'm aware and acknowledge them it makes it difficult for others to take advantage of them in my opinion. "
I agree. If anything I see my fear of being vulnerable as a weakness. |
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The trust has to be complete but if two people find each other and they can lay themselves bare vulnerabilities aswell. I think it can lead to some of the honest sex there is.
When someone trust me enough to offer that as part of themselves it is a huge turn on.
For those special few I try very hard to show them the same curtesy... |
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"I don't necessarily see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. They are a part of me and I accept that. If I'm aware and acknowledge them it makes it difficult for others to take advantage of them in my opinion.
Oh dammit, I knew I meant to add something else.
It was do you see being vulnerable as a weakness?!
Thank you Frida"
Definitely not a weakness as long as it is with the right people/person. |
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"
It was do you see being vulnerable as a weakness?!
Thank you Frida
I think it can be when partnered with naivety, a trusting nature and lack of self awareness. "
I agree it can be and it has been in my past. But I know my own weaknesses so I now put measures in place to prevent myself from being taken for a ride. Plus as I'm open about them if I'm being a right dumbarse those I trust tell me I am being so, so they're like my safety net. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
There are v few people who I will show my vulnerability to.. I’ve been brought up to be stoic and just get on with it.. which has been to my detriment sometimes..
The few times I have showed my vulnerability it hasn’t gone the way I hoped so I kind of keep it hidden still..
I’m sorry to hear that , and it’s hard to do isn’t it.
I know what you mean about being stoic, I was brought up the same, and that word has been used to describe me.
"
I guess I just haven’t found the right person to truly show that side of me.. I live in hope! |
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"I don't necessarily see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. They are a part of me and I accept that. If I'm aware and acknowledge them it makes it difficult for others to take advantage of them in my opinion.
I agree. If anything I see my fear of being vulnerable as a weakness. "
^ this stopped me from speaking out when things were wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't necessarily see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. They are a part of me and I accept that. If I'm aware and acknowledge them it makes it difficult for others to take advantage of them in my opinion.
Oh dammit, I knew I meant to add something else.
It was do you see being vulnerable as a weakness?!
Thank you Frida"
I see brave face as being an oxymoron. Being brave is being open. A brave face is anything bit brave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no problem being open and sharing if it will help my mental state, 'vulnerable' or not, it always helps.
A good few years back, I didn't, and during a pretty shitty period, bottled it up and ended up having (for want of a better word), a breakdown. DON'T EVER DO THAT!! |
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By *elethWoman
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
There are v few people who I will show my vulnerability to.. I’ve been brought up to be stoic and just get on with it.. which has been to my detriment sometimes..
The few times I have showed my vulnerability it hasn’t gone the way I hoped so I kind of keep it hidden still.."
I can relate to this. Interesting thread OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
There are v few people who I will show my vulnerability to.. I’ve been brought up to be stoic and just get on with it.. which has been to my detriment sometimes..
The few times I have showed my vulnerability it hasn’t gone the way I hoped so I kind of keep it hidden still..
I can relate to this. Interesting thread OP."
The ability to be vulnerable is one that needs cultivating in a lot of cases, because it’s not encouraged (or wasn’t) as a young child. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Vulnerabilities are only weaknesses in so much as that once they are exposed they can be exploited.
We all have our own way of dealing with them, which in turn can be a measure of our strength.
For myself, I learned that acknowledging and facing up to them reduces the power other people could have over me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them. |
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them."
Yes, this ^ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Vulnerabilities are only weaknesses in so much as that once they are exposed they can be exploited.
We all have our own way of dealing with them, which in turn can be a measure of our strength.
For myself, I learned that acknowledging and facing up to them reduces the power other people could have over me.
"
This is an interesting take on it, would you expand on that (it’s an invitation, which can of course be declined)? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them."
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people  |
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I share in the hope it can show other people that they're "normal" human beings, that a vulnerability isn't a vulnerability if you can recognise it and learn the why and grow from there.
I ain't necessarily the greatest role model coz I've shut down my greatest area of vulnerability and that's trusting people and relationships but I genuinely believe that's the best thing for me, and not something I actually want. If in the future I decided I did want another relationship I'd address it, but for now I have peace in my decision. However, I do believe there's strength in cutting areas from your life that cause more stress than happiness, in cutting people from your life you can't seem to say no to, who's actions are detrimental to you.
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them.
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people "
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them."
Should that maybe be amended to people who are a good fit for you? (Not you personally)
I don't think not taking on or hearing out/helping out with another's vulnerabilities necessarily means that someone isn't a good person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them.
Should that maybe be amended to people who are a good fit for you? (Not you personally)
I don't think not taking on or hearing out/helping out with another's vulnerabilities necessarily means that someone isn't a good person "
That's fair. They may be a good person in many ways but not a good friend or partner to you personally.
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them.
Should that maybe be amended to people who are a good fit for you? (Not you personally)
I don't think not taking on or hearing out/helping out with another's vulnerabilities necessarily means that someone isn't a good person
That's fair. They may be a good person in many ways but not a good friend or partner to you personally.
"
Or your own vulnerability could trigger theirs and the 2 combined could be bad news. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses."
I've thankfully never had that experience so not easy to comment. Clearly it happens but I would guess that behaviour is accompanied by other signs which point to a toxic personality and suggest their empathy is just a strategy ? |
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Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix |
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"How people react when you reveal your vulnerabilities can be a very good test of their character. Some people only want to be with others when they're at their best, when they are 'fun' and outgoing, yet disappear when a different side is revealed. On the other hand, when you find friends or partners who take time to understand your vulnerabilities or just listen to you explain them, then you've found good people so keep hold of them.
Should that maybe be amended to people who are a good fit for you? (Not you personally)
I don't think not taking on or hearing out/helping out with another's vulnerabilities necessarily means that someone isn't a good person "
Exactly; you don’t know what’s going on in their lives, and they may need a little distance to protect their own mental health. It doesn’t mean they aren’t there for you, just that they may not be strong enough to handle it right now. |
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"Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix "
Not necessarily attractive, per se; it just tends to bring out the need to give booby-squishing make-you-feel-better hugs in all of us!  |
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"Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix
Not necessarily attractive, per se; it just tends to bring out the need to give booby-squishing make-you-feel-better hugs in all of us! "
Hugs are fine, just make them naked  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
"
I found when I was vulnerable it's best to not talk about it basically none wants to hear or cares although I make it a point to help people because I know how it feels hate the idea of someone struggling alone like I did |
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"Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix "
I do kind of see it as attractive feature, but not because I want to fix them. It's more that they'll understand I have mine and they have theirs and sometimes sharing them makes the world a better place to live in. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix
I do kind of see it as attractive feature, but not because I want to fix them. It's more that they'll understand I have mine and they have theirs and sometimes sharing them makes the world a better place to live in. "
And also, I think sharing vulnerability can bring you closer, in a trust and intimacy way? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
I found when I was vulnerable it's best to not talk about it basically none wants to hear or cares although I make it a point to help people because I know how it feels hate the idea of someone struggling alone like I did "
I’m sorry to hear that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only time I feel vulnerable is when the word pegging starts being discussed 
Well now you come to mention it 
Noooooooooooooooo "
Or anytime someone says something followed by "Not her, you!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
I found when I was vulnerable it's best to not talk about it basically none wants to hear or cares although I make it a point to help people because I know how it feels hate the idea of someone struggling alone like I did
I’m sorry to hear that "
It's fine made me stronger and made me search for and find cures for things like depression so not all bad but thank you |
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"Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix
I do kind of see it as attractive feature, but not because I want to fix them. It's more that they'll understand I have mine and they have theirs and sometimes sharing them makes the world a better place to live in.
And also, I think sharing vulnerability can bring you closer, in a trust and intimacy way?"
I totally agree in both sexual and non sexual relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would take a whole lot of getting to know someone before I would let myself be emotionally vulnerable with them.
I think only 3 people have ever saw me emotionally vulnerable in my life and that was my 2 sisters and my mom.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone else would feel vulnerable when with me, I wouldn't know how to take it to be honest, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.
On one hand it could mean there is a lot of trust and on the other that they don't feel safe. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Vulnerabilities are only weaknesses in so much as that once they are exposed they can be exploited.
We all have our own way of dealing with them, which in turn can be a measure of our strength.
For myself, I learned that acknowledging and facing up to them reduces the power other people could have over me.
This is an interesting take on it, would you expand on that (it’s an invitation, which can of course be declined)?"
Of course.
If we accept that vulnerabilities by their very nature could expose us to unintended or unwanted consequences through the (possible) exploitation of others, then the first steps in being able to either remediate or mitigate them is to become aware and then acknowledge their existence.
Being aware isn’t enough as it is easy to ignore them and bury your head in the sand, leaving them still exploitable.
The first step in the 12 step AA program is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Now I have never been to AA, and some of the other steps have a more religious bend, but this step resonates with me in that by facing up to our fears, demons, weaknesses, pinch points etc. we are then in a better position to either work through them or accept them for what they are.
This is one of the basic tenants I use within my D/s relationships to help my sub reach their goals.
In my own life, I have buried my head in the sand to avoid facing up to issues which in turn gave those issues power over me as they stopped me being me and doing what I enjoyed.
It took me years of self reflection and growth to understand that had I acknowledge the issue and sought help sooner, the impact on my life would have been lessened. |
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"
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses.
I've thankfully never had that experience so not easy to comment. Clearly it happens but I would guess that behaviour is accompanied by other signs which point to a toxic personality and suggest their empathy is just a strategy ?"
Once you've already gotten too deeply involved yeah.
I was told "you're bound to be extra sensitive given your past" or "it's normal for you to see red flags where there aren't any considering what you've been through" as a deflection to the suspect behaviour and to have me thinking I was the one being either unreasonable or being a tit. The truth was anyone would have seen the flags coz they were real, but due to me being brutally open about confusion over things, I had it redirected as me having trust issues rather than there being actual reasonable doubt and the truth not being told or bent to suit an agenda.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Vulnerabilities are only weaknesses in so much as that once they are exposed they can be exploited.
We all have our own way of dealing with them, which in turn can be a measure of our strength.
For myself, I learned that acknowledging and facing up to them reduces the power other people could have over me.
This is an interesting take on it, would you expand on that (it’s an invitation, which can of course be declined)?
Of course.
If we accept that vulnerabilities by their very nature could expose us to unintended or unwanted consequences through the (possible) exploitation of others, then the first steps in being able to either remediate or mitigate them is to become aware and then acknowledge their existence.
Being aware isn’t enough as it is easy to ignore them and bury your head in the sand, leaving them still exploitable.
The first step in the 12 step AA program is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Now I have never been to AA, and some of the other steps have a more religious bend, but this step resonates with me in that by facing up to our fears, demons, weaknesses, pinch points etc. we are then in a better position to either work through them or accept them for what they are.
This is one of the basic tenants I use within my D/s relationships to help my sub reach their goals.
In my own life, I have buried my head in the sand to avoid facing up to issues which in turn gave those issues power over me as they stopped me being me and doing what I enjoyed.
It took me years of self reflection and growth to understand that had I acknowledge the issue and sought help sooner, the impact on my life would have been lessened."
Very interesting, thank you for that.
I agree with that, recognising fears/weaknesses/demons is certainly the first step to dealing with them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses.
I've thankfully never had that experience so not easy to comment. Clearly it happens but I would guess that behaviour is accompanied by other signs which point to a toxic personality and suggest their empathy is just a strategy ?
Once you've already gotten too deeply involved yeah.
I was told "you're bound to be extra sensitive given your past" or "it's normal for you to see red flags where there aren't any considering what you've been through" as a deflection to the suspect behaviour and to have me thinking I was the one being either unreasonable or being a tit. The truth was anyone would have seen the flags coz they were real, but due to me being brutally open about confusion over things, I had it redirected as me having trust issues rather than there being actual reasonable doubt and the truth not being told or bent to suit an agenda.
"
I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve it, any of it |
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Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses.
I've thankfully never had that experience so not easy to comment. Clearly it happens but I would guess that behaviour is accompanied by other signs which point to a toxic personality and suggest their empathy is just a strategy ?
Once you've already gotten too deeply involved yeah.
I was told "you're bound to be extra sensitive given your past" or "it's normal for you to see red flags where there aren't any considering what you've been through" as a deflection to the suspect behaviour and to have me thinking I was the one being either unreasonable or being a tit. The truth was anyone would have seen the flags coz they were real, but due to me being brutally open about confusion over things, I had it redirected as me having trust issues rather than there being actual reasonable doubt and the truth not being told or bent to suit an agenda.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve it, any of it "
Aye, and if I hadn't developed feelings which made me vulnerable, I'd never have been in that position, I'd have fucked him off. Urgh. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses.
I've thankfully never had that experience so not easy to comment. Clearly it happens but I would guess that behaviour is accompanied by other signs which point to a toxic personality and suggest their empathy is just a strategy ?
Once you've already gotten too deeply involved yeah.
I was told "you're bound to be extra sensitive given your past" or "it's normal for you to see red flags where there aren't any considering what you've been through" as a deflection to the suspect behaviour and to have me thinking I was the one being either unreasonable or being a tit. The truth was anyone would have seen the flags coz they were real, but due to me being brutally open about confusion over things, I had it redirected as me having trust issues rather than there being actual reasonable doubt and the truth not being told or bent to suit an agenda.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve it, any of it
Aye, and if I hadn't developed feelings which made me vulnerable, I'd never have been in that position, I'd have fucked him off. Urgh."
It wasn’t your fault though, he exploited those feelings. |
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
"
I have learnt over the years to discuss when I feel low which normally comes with things I have seen or dealt with… it’s good to talk and open up |
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I think the hardest thing about opening up to someone is, when they ignore you afterwards or change their behaviour towards you.
It hasn't happened to me, but seen it happen to far too many people I know. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I struggle with it really but I’m getting better with selected individuals.
I’m getting better at being comfortable being uncomfortable and that makes me happy "
Good way of putting it.
I think allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be a sign of great strength. After all you are making (non-verbal?) statement that you are baring it all, allowing people to see and potentially abuse areas you do not usually share with the world.
I have learnt over the years that it can be a wonderful experience in a personal, close relationship (with or without sex) or friendship.
Honesty about self, integrity, authenticity and an element of confidence that "yes, I am a valuable human being" are part of this? |
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"I struggle with it really but I’m getting better with selected individuals.
I’m getting better at being comfortable being uncomfortable and that makes me happy
Good way of putting it.
I think allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be a sign of great strength. After all you are making (non-verbal?) statement that you are baring it all, allowing people to see and potentially abuse areas you do not usually share with the world.
I have learnt over the years that it can be a wonderful experience in a personal, close relationship (with or without sex) or friendship.
Honesty about self, integrity, authenticity and an element of confidence that "yes, I am a valuable human being" are part of this? "
I certainly agree with that. I think that vulnerability and confidence go hand in hand when you think of it. |
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I think people always they see me as a strong person but in reality i'm quite vulnerable and i expend all my life building walls arround myself to nobody see it . May this is one of the reasons why is so difficult to me trust someone! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think people always they see me as a strong person but in reality i'm quite vulnerable and i expend all my life building walls arround myself to nobody see it . May this is one of the reasons why is so difficult to me trust someone! "
Often the case, vulnerability is often disguised/ protected by a "wall of strength and independence" which can easily crumble when somebody gets behind that.
Trusting somebody can feel very risky and perhaps should be done a bit at a time, should be mutual and taken slowly and at the pace of the less confident person.
Trust, the ability to make yourself vulnerable are often linked with somebody's childhood experience and of how their trust in adults was perhaps undermined, not rewarded and even abused.
 |
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"I think people always they see me as a strong person but in reality i'm quite vulnerable and i expend all my life building walls arround myself to nobody see it . May this is one of the reasons why is so difficult to me trust someone!
Often the case, vulnerability is often disguised/ protected by a "wall of strength and independence" which can easily crumble when somebody gets behind that.
Trusting somebody can feel very risky and perhaps should be done a bit at a time, should be mutual and taken slowly and at the pace of the less confident person.
Trust, the ability to make yourself vulnerable are often linked with somebody's childhood experience and of how their trust in adults was perhaps undermined, not rewarded and even abused.
"
I can't say if your description or definition is correct or not in my case as is not an important matter here but i know people who they are full of drama and they pretend to be vulnerables just with the intention of taking advantage of someone or just to serve their own interests, secrets and games , usually they are compulsive liars or two faced people and by life experience i met and i know a few in my present life . |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think people always they see me as a strong person but in reality i'm quite vulnerable and i expend all my life building walls arround myself to nobody see it . May this is one of the reasons why is so difficult to me trust someone!
Often the case, vulnerability is often disguised/ protected by a "wall of strength and independence" which can easily crumble when somebody gets behind that.
Trusting somebody can feel very risky and perhaps should be done a bit at a time, should be mutual and taken slowly and at the pace of the less confident person.
Trust, the ability to make yourself vulnerable are often linked with somebody's childhood experience and of how their trust in adults was perhaps undermined, not rewarded and even abused.
I can't say if your description or definition is correct or not in my case as is not an important matter here but i know people who they are full of drama and they pretend to be vulnerables just with the intention of taking advantage of someone or just to serve their own interests, secrets and games , usually they are compulsive liars or two faced people and by life experience i met and i know a few in my present life . "
I did not mean to make it personal to you - it was just a general comment and also not to make anybody feel more vulnerable.
I am aware that sometimes people may use a vulnerability to evoke a certain reaction in those around them (although I am NOT saying that about anybody in the forum scene in the forums because I simply do not know anybody well enough to make that judgment).
I think if somebody needs to play on their vulnerability.... is that not a vulnerability in itself? Perhaps it evokes resentment in others for they may feel "played", manipulated but deep down it seems to me that that is a vulnerability in disguise. |
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By *omer47Man
over a year ago
leigh |
Its only natural to feel a bit vulnerable/nervous when you meet someone for the first time, I know I do. Trust plays a big part for me when I meet someone especially if I'm on my own as, yes you can feel vulnerable.its all about making the other person feel comfortable with you. That way the fun will be much better. |
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My "vulnerabilities" are just another aspect to me so I don't hide them but then I am surrounded by people who accept me and support my little qwerks...I agree there are those out there who would take advantage which is always a red flag to me... |
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"I think people always they see me as a strong person but in reality i'm quite vulnerable and i expend all my life building walls arround myself to nobody see it . May this is one of the reasons why is so difficult to me trust someone!
Often the case, vulnerability is often disguised/ protected by a "wall of strength and independence" which can easily crumble when somebody gets behind that.
Trusting somebody can feel very risky and perhaps should be done a bit at a time, should be mutual and taken slowly and at the pace of the less confident person.
Trust, the ability to make yourself vulnerable are often linked with somebody's childhood experience and of how their trust in adults was perhaps undermined, not rewarded and even abused.
I can't say if your description or definition is correct or not in my case as is not an important matter here but i know people who they are full of drama and they pretend to be vulnerables just with the intention of taking advantage of someone or just to serve their own interests, secrets and games , usually they are compulsive liars or two faced people and by life experience i met and i know a few in my present life .
I did not mean to make it personal to you - it was just a general comment and also not to make anybody feel more vulnerable.
I am aware that sometimes people may use a vulnerability to evoke a certain reaction in those around them (although I am NOT saying that about anybody in the forum scene in the forums because I simply do not know anybody well enough to make that judgment).
I think if somebody needs to play on their vulnerability.... is that not a vulnerability in itself? Perhaps it evokes resentment in others for they may feel "played", manipulated but deep down it seems to me that that is a vulnerability in disguise. "
I think depends the point of view of each person , myself i see that type of people more as manipulative |
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I may show a mild weakness at times but even amoung my close friends, I very very rarely open up much, but when it ever does happen it's not the same mate. No one person knows everything. I think i would feel vulnerable otherwise.
If you mean feeling vulnerable when meeting off here? I never have. You never know what life is gonna throw at you tho. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
I'm always open to it, with play partners or anyone.
Everyone's had their trials and tribulations and if someone wants to open up to me I'll always offer an empathetic ear. I try to be mindful of the possibility that someone might become attached after being vulnerable.
I don't need to do it myself. I find my meditation practice is enough for me to work through difficult emotions but if someone opens up with me I'll share my own experiences too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I may show a mild weakness at times but even amoung my close friends, I very very rarely open up much, but when it ever does happen it's not the same mate. No one person knows everything. I think i would feel vulnerable otherwise.
If you mean feeling vulnerable when meeting off here? I never have. You never know what life is gonna throw at you tho. "
It was a general musing .
Whatever comes to you, whatever resonates |
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"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
"
Another really interesting thread, OP! You're on form at the moment
As per usual I'm late to the discussion. I see many people on the thread are equating letting themselves be vulnerable with others as weakness, or showing weakness. For me, the opposite is true. I think allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with others is a sign of strength. You're putting your trust in someone else. When someone is vulnerable with me I really value that.
I've got better at being vulnerable with others the older i get. I know myself better; I have found it a powerful way of encouraging others to open up in a reciprocal manner; and I also don't lay it all out at once, having learnt that lesson the hard way.
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m interested in peoples take on being vulnerable.
Do you admit to it?
How does it make you feel, what if it is someone else who says they are feeling like that?
For me, it makes a huge difference who I’m with, I’m assuming this is true for most, but I’m curious to know…
Another really interesting thread, OP! You're on form at the moment
As per usual I'm late to the discussion. I see many people on the thread are equating letting themselves be vulnerable with others as weakness, or showing weakness. For me, the opposite is true. I think allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with others is a sign of strength. You're putting your trust in someone else. When someone is vulnerable with me I really value that.
I've got better at being vulnerable with others the older i get. I know myself better; I have found it a powerful way of encouraging others to open up in a reciprocal manner; and I also don't lay it all out at once, having learnt that lesson the hard way.
Mrs TMN x"
Thank you . I love a thinking topic, and seeing people’s thoughts on subjects that interest me.
I agree, allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes a lot of strength and courage, but it is important to be careful of who you reveal your vulnerabilities with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sadly I've learnt that when I'm vulnerable I get hurt so I don't really allow people in that much anymore "
I’m sorry to hear that, and I can understand that too. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
My vulnerability will only be shown to those who have taken the time to get to know me, those I trust to not take advantage of it and those who I feel comfortable enough with.
I’m a bit of a tough but to crack but underneath it all I have a big heart and I have be susceptible to hurt however I am far more guarded these days as to who I let in and how much I chose to give them of myself x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My vulnerability will only be shown to those who have taken the time to get to know me, those I trust to not take advantage of it and those who I feel comfortable enough with.
I’m a bit of a tough but to crack but underneath it all I have a big heart and I have be susceptible to hurt however I am far more guarded these days as to who I let in and how much I chose to give them of myself x"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling? "
That’s a great question.
In the main person I look to stability for, if he shows his vulnerability, it makes me realise how safe he feels with me too. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
That’s a great question.
In the main person I look to stability for, if he shows his vulnerability, it makes me realise how safe he feels with me too. "
That is a great point as well - a man who reveals his own vulnerabilities to me does not make me think of him as unstable or weak - on the contrary. it is that openness and trust that form the building blocks for friendship or more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
That’s a great question.
In the main person I look to stability for, if he shows his vulnerability, it makes me realise how safe he feels with me too.
That is a great point as well - a man who reveals his own vulnerabilities to me does not make me think of him as unstable or weak - on the contrary. it is that openness and trust that form the building blocks for friendship or more. "
Absolutely. It takes a lot of trust, others may disagree, but I think more so for a man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are all vulnerable at times in life.
I refer here to moments of discomfort, maybe no one else knew but you felt it.
I would say we have to learn to pass through those moments but it is nice when the sun shines and you have your time to 'baste' in it.
Refering to sharing areas of unhappiness or discomfort with others that is a learned process.
Few are trustworthy or even at times seemingly interested, which may in fact decide their suitability for further sharing, so I say:
I have vulnerabilities known only to God...it's better that way. |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling? "
I'm that person for my family and friends. This means I don't really have anyone to go to with my own vulnerabilities. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There’s only a few people I’ve opened up to and shared my vulnerability with. Ones a really good friend and someone I trust. Another’s my best mate from the army. And then my ex partner and mother of my daughter.
I show my heart easily to people. I’m very trusting to people in general… but I’ve recently learned to show my vulnerability to a stranger. It was extremely daunting at first. And I’ll
Still say it’s not easy at times. But it’s helped me feel more like the Tom of old. I’ll not really on others to help me but I will rely on others to listen to me and with that I’ll show my vulnerability and learn to deal with my past better. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"
Absolutely. It takes a lot of trust, others may disagree, but I think more so for a man. "
And trust in oneself that you are strong enough to deal with any reaction with which you are met. |
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I only show my vulnerable side to people I trust. In myself I see it as a sign of weakness.
Yet in others I encourage them to be open and honest as I see its a sign of strength.
I'm aware that people will use it against you too. So it's difficult.
Jo.Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
I'm that person for my family and friends. This means I don't really have anyone to go to with my own vulnerabilities."
This is me too. At home and at work, I very often have nobody.
I support someone with depression and anxiety, it can be a lonely road |
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I always believe in displaying a concrete hardened crust, any marshmallows lurking underneath are only seen by those who take the trouble to peel back the outer layers. That way surviving is always guaranteed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's subjects which could make me vulnerable but even still I've learned to talk about them from a subject viewpoint and not open myself up while doing so.
If there's anything I might need help with I've got good, over the years, at sitting and working it out in my own head. Very rarely will I reach out and if I do it's just to one friend who've known for over 10 years.
I'm the person who will sit and listen to you talk for hours on end and never ask for anything in return. If the people I'm close to are happy then it gives me a sense of peace within myself and I feel good.
I think this makes me a bit hypocritical but I just like seeing other people happy and part of that, to me, is not burdening them with my own shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's subjects which could make me vulnerable but even still I've learned to talk about them from a subject viewpoint and not open myself up while doing so.
If there's anything I might need help with I've got good, over the years, at sitting and working it out in my own head. Very rarely will I reach out and if I do it's just to one friend who've known for over 10 years.
I'm the person who will sit and listen to you talk for hours on end and never ask for anything in return. If the people I'm close to are happy then it gives me a sense of peace within myself and I feel good.
I think this makes me a bit hypocritical but I just like seeing other people happy and part of that, to me, is not burdening them with my own shit."
You could almost be me...but I have lost a bit of patience with those I see make the same mistakes year after year...I now tend to give them more time on their own. |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
I'm that person for my family and friends. This means I don't really have anyone to go to with my own vulnerabilities."
I'm that person for many people. I often meet people at their darkest times and they look to me to say everything will be OK. I can fix this. |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
I'm that person for my family and friends. This means I don't really have anyone to go to with my own vulnerabilities.
I'm that person for many people. I often meet people at their darkest times and they look to me to say everything will be OK. I can fix this. "
And you do fix many things, C. What you do is give hope to do many people. But you do also need a space to decompress. You can't be the hero 24/7 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
I'm that person for my family and friends. This means I don't really have anyone to go to with my own vulnerabilities.
I'm that person for many people. I often meet people at their darkest times and they look to me to say everything will be OK. I can fix this. "
I dont think a little show of vulnerability even in someone you are expecting to be strong is ever bad. It makes them feel more human, and more likely that they would understand and you might respect their opinion more. I think so anyway. |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling? "
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x"
It is possible for very long periods. I'm 35yrs in and managed to keep my head together. So far. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x"
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going |
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"Mostly I hate it but if I really trust someone I will be with them. Funnily enough I actually feel very honoured when someone else allos themselves to be vulnerable with me, perhaps because of my own attitudes to it. "
This is me to a T. |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going "
I'm not talking about not keeping going. I'm talking about being able to let it out somehow. X |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
It is possible for very long periods. I'm 35yrs in and managed to keep my head together. So far."
You are never able to show your vulnerable side to anyone? |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
It is possible for very long periods. I'm 35yrs in and managed to keep my head together. So far.
You are never able to show your vulnerable side to anyone? "
Do NHS medical professionals count? Other than that, not really. Mr KC to some extent, but expecting an autistic person to know WTF to do with my emotions is just a recipe for feeling worse. I'm the person everyone else goes to for their support. My parents have been doing it my whole life and everyone else followed *shrugs* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going
I'm not talking about not keeping going. I'm talking about being able to let it out somehow. X"
But that is what I do, that is how I deal with it, just keep going |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going
I'm not talking about not keeping going. I'm talking about being able to let it out somehow. X
But that is what I do, that is how I deal with it, just keep going"
Ah, I get you. X |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
It is possible for very long periods. I'm 35yrs in and managed to keep my head together. So far.
You are never able to show your vulnerable side to anyone?
Do NHS medical professionals count? Other than that, not really. Mr KC to some extent, but expecting an autistic person to know WTF to do with my emotions is just a recipe for feeling worse. I'm the person everyone else goes to for their support. My parents have been doing it my whole life and everyone else followed *shrugs* "
Goodness. I can't begin to imagine how that is for you. Do you find you do it on here at all? X |
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I’ve let myself be vulnerable with people and I end up feeling used. Last year and the year before.
So your guard goes up.
I find it easier with friends, but even then I sometimes just feel like a burden. It’s hard to open up and easier to keep it in.
‘Finding a human that you can be completely vulnerable with, while feeling completely safe is priceless’ |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
It is possible for very long periods. I'm 35yrs in and managed to keep my head together. So far.
You are never able to show your vulnerable side to anyone?
Do NHS medical professionals count? Other than that, not really. Mr KC to some extent, but expecting an autistic person to know WTF to do with my emotions is just a recipe for feeling worse. I'm the person everyone else goes to for their support. My parents have been doing it my whole life and everyone else followed *shrugs*
Goodness. I can't begin to imagine how that is for you. Do you find you do it on here at all? X"
Possibly yes. No-one has complained yet or asked me to STFU though 
I'm made of tough stuff, I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When having to break bad news to people often it's the man who breaks down. Maybe not at first that usually anger.
The woman cries then moves to a position to support and care for those around her.
It's when someone you love has been hurt you discover how fragile we can be. |
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"I only show my vulnerable side to people I trust. In myself I see it as a sign of weakness.
Yet in others I encourage them to be open and honest as I see its a sign of strength.
I'm aware that people will use it against you too. So it's difficult.
Been there had it done to me.
Probably never trust a partner again.
Better saying nothing as words are cheap when its throwing back at you
Jo.Xx "
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going
I'm not talking about not keeping going. I'm talking about being able to let it out somehow. X"
There are lots of ways to release tension! X |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going
I'm not talking about not keeping going. I'm talking about being able to let it out somehow. X
There are lots of ways to release tension! X"
This is true. I always find it interesting how many strong, leader types enjoy being sexually submissive. I know it's not as clear cut as all that but there does seem to be a link for some. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The stiff upper lip tradition is fine during the Blitz but in peace time, it did untold damage in terms of mental health. There is no glory in looking strong. There may be in being strong, but everybody has vulnerabilities. Acknowledgement of such vulnerabilities is half of resolving (or at least managing) these. That said, given the level of toxicity in the current world, and particularly online, I think you should be careful where, when and with whom, and how you open up. Even professional counsellors or psys can say damaging things unwittingly, and they are pros!
Really, open up to trusted people only. But don't bottle up, no good comes out of it. |
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"Are there people you look to for stability in whom a show of vulnerability might be unsettling?
If anything, I think the opposite is true. Someone who never shows vulnerability - who is always the strong one - is someone who needs an outlet, I think. None of us can be that person day in, day out, for everyone. We all need someone to hold space for us too.
Mrs TMN x
Some of us have no choice in it. You just keep going
I'm not talking about not keeping going. I'm talking about being able to let it out somehow. X
There are lots of ways to release tension! X
This is true. I always find it interesting how many strong, leader types enjoy being sexually submissive. I know it's not as clear cut as all that but there does seem to be a link for some. "
I'm mainly Dom with others but would love to hand over control every now and then. |
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By *inacoolWoman
over a year ago
Torfaen |
I agree - in my & most friends’ experiences, sharing sexual intimacy requires feeling some kinda safety & trust to enable expressing vulnerability to let go & relax mutually - often blocks are released as our bodies store deep trauma that we may be totally unaware of, as well as our conscious damage. Also, different types of ‘gasms’ such as ‘cry-gasms’ & ‘giggle-gasms’ need lovers who are compassionate & don’t freak out coz they are great compliments. I’ve found that no matter how uncommunicative, confidant or selfish a lover behaves, sexual intimacy will always reveal to me their insecurities & past traumas - hence why professional sex workers often provide a more nurturing service than a fantasy role. |
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"Often if I show vulnerability, I find that women especially see it as the most attractive thing EVER and suddenly they want to fix what doesn't need fixing. Vulnerability is fine and nothing to worry about or fix
Not necessarily attractive, per se; it just tends to bring out the need to give booby-squishing make-you-feel-better hugs in all of us!
Hugs are fine, just make them naked "
Huh; really? |
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By *inacoolWoman
over a year ago
Torfaen |
"
Yes, well put. When you find such a person, you certainly have found good people
Ah, but there are plenty who will take time to listen and understand them in order to exploit them. It ain't all sunshine and roses.
I've thankfully never had that experience so not easy to comment. Clearly it happens but I would guess that behaviour is accompanied by other signs which point to a toxic personality and suggest their empathy is just a strategy ?
Once you've already gotten too deeply involved yeah.
I was told "you're bound to be extra sensitive given your past" or "it's normal for you to see red flags where there aren't any considering what you've been through" as a deflection to the suspect behaviour and to have me thinking I was the one being either unreasonable or being a tit. The truth was anyone would have seen the flags coz they were real, but due to me being brutally open about confusion over things, I had it redirected as me having trust issues rather than there being actual reasonable doubt and the truth not being told or bent to suit an agenda.
"
They were gaslighting u |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I rarely open up to others - I keep people at arms length to avoid feeling grief when I inevitably lose them. I've always considered myself to be a safe person to be vulnerable with though as I know how it feels and will always want to make others feel better. |
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"I wouldn't want to meet someone unless they are completely comfortable with me.
Nothing worse than her turning up anxious before we've even said hello.
I do my best to put any meet at ease. "
I think anxious and vulnerable are different things though chunks. I can be comfortable with someone but as for opening up, I’m not good at that bit x |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"I wouldn't want to meet someone unless they are completely comfortable with me.
Nothing worse than her turning up anxious before we've even said hello.
I do my best to put any meet at ease.
I think anxious and vulnerable are different things though chunks. I can be comfortable with someone but as for opening up, I’m not good at that bit x"
Yes, but they both come with building up trust with someone - all very it at different levels. |
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"I wouldn't want to meet someone unless they are completely comfortable with me.
Nothing worse than her turning up anxious before we've even said hello.
I do my best to put any meet at ease.
I think anxious and vulnerable are different things though chunks. I can be comfortable with someone but as for opening up, I’m not good at that bit x
Yes, but they both come with building up trust with someone - all very it at different levels. "
True
X |
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