FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Best jokes please…
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"I was singing along to Pavarotti while in the shower when I swallowed some bubbles. Turned into a soap opera " | |||
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"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the shit out of their dogs! *obviously I know blind people are independent and very capable of skydiving but it do be making me laugh " Me too | |||
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"Never kiss with a runny nose! You might think it's funny but it's snot." Laughed way more than I should have done at this | |||
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"What did the Anteater say to the hedgehog???" Go on… | |||
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"I’ve heard a rumour that lots of Germans are stockpiling cheese & sausage in the anticipation of another COVID lockdown - in other words planning for a Wurst-Käse scenario. " | |||
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"What did the Anteater say to the hedgehog??? Go on…" No idea I'm asking you You sausage | |||
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"When 2 people french kiss they form an approximately 60 foot long tube between 2 bum holes " Please could someone explain this. I obviously have no sense of humour ! | |||
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"What did the Anteater say to the hedgehog??? Go on… No idea I'm asking you You sausage " | |||
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"I have shamelessly appropriated this joke from a friend.... Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars. It's the bear minimum." Hahaha, I love that one | |||
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"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the shit out of their dogs! *obviously I know blind people are independent and very capable of skydiving but it do be making me laugh " How do blind people know when to pull the chord in their parachute? The lead goes slack. | |||
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"I just found out my grandad is addicted to viagra. No one is taking it harder than my grandmother. I’ll stop now" Please don’t | |||
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"I always knock on the fridge before dressing. Just in case there’s a salad dressing " I stole this | |||
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"I always knock on the fridge before dressing. Just in case there’s a salad dressing I stole this " Hahah! Shame I messed up the wording!!! | |||
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"I always knock on the fridge before dressing. Just in case there’s a salad dressing I stole this Hahah! Shame I messed up the wording!!! " Totally didn’t just copy it, not notice and have to edit it just now | |||
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"I always knock on the fridge before dressing. Just in case there’s a salad dressing I stole this Hahah! Shame I messed up the wording!!! Totally didn’t just copy it, not notice and have to edit it just now " Hahaha....yeah, I absolutely regret Fab’s lack of editing posts at this moment in time!!! | |||
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"3 ducks walk into a bar. "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asks the first duck. "Huey" was the reply "How's your day been Huey?" "Great thanks, lovely day, had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day, what more could a duck want?" "Oooo that's nice" said bartender. He turned to the second duck "hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey" came the answer from duck number 2. "So how's your day been Dewey?" he asked. "Great thanks, lovely day. Had a ball too, I've been in and out of puddles all day myself. What more could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the 3rd duck and said "So, you must be Louie?" "No" she said batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles"" One of my favourites | |||
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"Q: What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek? A: A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wi-fi! " Is it showing my inner geek that I found this funny and actually know people like it | |||
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"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man were robbing a bank. Accidently, the Englishman triggered the alarm and soon the building was surrounded. The Scottish man saw 3 sacks lying near the entrance to the vault so they decided to hide in them. The policemen searched the place but could not find anyone until one of the policeman saw that the sacks were moving. He approached the first sack with the Englishman inside and kicked it. The Englishman went “Meow”, so the policeman said “Oh, it’s just a sack of cats”. He then went to the second sack with the Scottish man inside and kicked it. The Scottish man went “Woof”, so the policeman said “Oh, it’s just a sack full of dogs”. He then went over to the last sack with the Irishman inside and kicked it. The Irishman went “Potatoes”." Love it | |||
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"One day a woman walked ibtoa bar and asked for an innuendo so the barman gave her one." | |||
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"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man were robbing a bank. Accidently, the Englishman triggered the alarm and soon the building was surrounded. The Scottish man saw 3 sacks lying near the entrance to the vault so they decided to hide in them. The policemen searched the place but could not find anyone until one of the policeman saw that the sacks were moving. He approached the first sack with the Englishman inside and kicked it. The Englishman went “Meow”, so the policeman said “Oh, it’s just a sack of cats”. He then went to the second sack with the Scottish man inside and kicked it. The Scottish man went “Woof”, so the policeman said “Oh, it’s just a sack full of dogs”. He then went over to the last sack with the Irishman inside and kicked it. The Irishman went “Potatoes”. Love it " One of my favourites | |||
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"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the shit out of their dogs! *obviously I know blind people are independent and very capable of skydiving but it do be making me laugh " Its ok, they won't be offended unless someone reads it to them! | |||
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"What is green has 8 legs is 12 ft long and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A Snooker Table" | |||
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"Last night I watched a documentary on how ships are held together. It was riveting " Was it follwed by 'Weld in Action'? | |||
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"I got a tattoo at a temporary tattoo parlour. It wouldn't wash off so I went back but the parlour was gone." Haha! This is funny | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature " I have to steal that one | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature " When he followed it up with a pint of milk I thought "how dairy" | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature When he followed it up with a pint of milk I thought "how dairy"" | |||
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"Never kiss with a runny nose! You might think it's funny but it's snot." We were chatting to a very friendly Lady in a swinging club and she had a runny nose. She was literally full up | |||
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"When 2 people french kiss they form an approximately 60 foot long tube between 2 bum holes Please could someone explain this. I obviously have no sense of humour !" My guess is from one bum hole up through intestine / internal organs, through the 2 mouths down second internals / intestine through to bum hole number 2 | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature I have to steal that one " it's my joke | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature When he followed it up with a pint of milk I thought "how dairy"" funny | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature I have to steal that one it's my joke" Too late. I stole it earlier | |||
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"Why does Denmark, Norway and Sweden put barcodes on their ships? So on entering the harbour they can Scandinavian. " I love this one | |||
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"Someone threw a block a cheese at my head this morning and I thought, That wasn't very mature I have to steal that one it's my joke Too late. I stole it earlier " Thief | |||
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"Why can't penguins fly? Because they are chocolate biscuits." | |||
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"I have shamelessly appropriated this joke from a friend.... Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars. It's the bear minimum." I went to the zoo the other day. It only had one dog. It was a Shih Tzu! | |||
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"Never kiss with a runny nose! You might think it's funny but it's snot." That got me! | |||
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"How do you know when 2 Elephants have been making love? When the grass is flat and the bin liner is missing" I love this one. I’m stealing it | |||
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"When 2 people french kiss they form an approximately 60 foot long tube between 2 bum holes Please could someone explain this. I obviously have no sense of humour !" I didn't get that one either. | |||
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"Did you hear about the gay ghosts? They put the willies up each other" Or the 2 gay judges who tried each other. | |||
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"Toulouse lautrec walked into bar and saw van gogh in the corner.... "Vincent can I get you a drink?" "No thanks, I got one 'ere". Get my coat......" | |||
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"What do you call an Irish sniper? Eamonn" Rick O'Shea | |||
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