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Friday Thoughts - Taking Control ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you like to take control?
Sex, work, family, love, whatever- do you instinctively take the lead or follow others, and how does that make you feel ?
And would you like more control in your life, or perhaps less responsibility ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a proper toss answer but I go with the flow.
I'm dead chilled out and I'm happy to follow until I want/feel like I need to take control.
Sexually I'm finding that I'm more dominant so in that side of life I do like taking control. BUT. If was told I was going to be tired to a chair or something like that then I'd happily oblige haha
In short, I'm not arsed. I like an easy life and good orgasms however they may come  |
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"This is a proper toss answer but I go with the flow.
I'm dead chilled out and I'm happy to follow until I want/feel like I need to take control.
Sexually I'm finding that I'm more dominant so in that side of life I do like taking control. BUT. If was told I was going to be tired to a chair or something like that then I'd happily oblige haha
In short, I'm not arsed. I like an easy life and good orgasms however they may come "
Completely get this happy go lucky myself though in certain areas of life I have to take control and be responsible.
Sexually speaking, it depends on my counterpart and what he brings out in me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm happy to take control and I wouldn't say I shy away from it when it comes to work, family and even sex although anxiety in certain situations can make it difficult at times. But I'm quite easy both ways if that makes sense? I'm just happy to go with the flow. And I don't mind if someone else does all the hard work and takes control. |
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By *ockboy77Man
over a year ago
Angus, Glasgow |
Interesting topic, at work I’m a head of department so have to take control whether I like it or not. Sexually I’m more switch, but more in the respect of tell me what you want and I’ll then run the idea??
Other times if I know the answer in advance I’ll be in control
C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In Family life I take control because if I didn't nothing would get done, no one would wash,get dressed or eat!
In work part of my job is having to take control of what's going on so that one I have no choice.
Sex life, love it when the man takes over and leaves me to chill out and enjoy the ride so to speak ha ha
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Work I have to stop myself being too controlling (because everyone else on the face of the planet just does it all wrong), but when it comes to sex I never take the lead because I'm never sure it would be welcome.
In other situations it depends. I can't bear dithering, so if there's a situation that needs me to step in I will do so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to be in control or take the responsibility in life when I know I can do something well or I'm motivated to. I guess that boils down to confidence and knowing your skills and strengths.
When I feel someone else would excel more than I I'm quite happy to follow their lead.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Pulling together and using those strengths as a partnership or collective is a no brainer.
Things beyond my control I struggle with more though I know I shouldn't. I'm not good at waiting on or relying on others.
Sexually I like to completely hand myself over once someone knows me well enough to be the one in charge. But at times I like to switch that back on them too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always felt the need to be in control in every aspect of my life. Once I learnt not to stress about the things I can't control, it gave me peace. Sexually, I like the guy to take the lead though and I'll happily give them full control. |
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I don’t have the need to be in control except for decisions to do with my own life, where I live, if I choose to quit a job and similar, that way my mistakes are my own and I own them.
Sex has always been equal and if not it’s a natural change, not forced, if one or the other decides to take control.
In a relationship I’ve always ended up in control of finances, what we do nights out, travelling, what we eat or else I’d still be waiting to do anything in life with responses like ‘don’t mind’ or ‘yes, I’ll do that at some point’.
Maybe one day someone will say ‘right come on, we are off to do this’….. dreaming 
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Well..... I'm a single parent and run my own business, leadership and control comes naturally to me, but I will relinquish control when it's something I want to do and I trust the person not to fuck it up... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t have the need to be in control except for decisions to do with my own life, where I live, if I choose to quit a job and similar, that way my mistakes are my own and I own them.
Sex has always been equal and if not it’s a natural change, not forced, if one or the other decides to take control.
In a relationship I’ve always ended up in control of finances, what we do nights out, travelling, what we eat or else I’d still be waiting to do anything in life with responses like ‘don’t mind’ or ‘yes, I’ll do that at some point’.
Maybe one day someone will say ‘right come on, we are off to do this’….. dreaming
"
Come on then, Spurs v Man City on Sunday, bring your rattle.  |
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"I don’t have the need to be in control except for decisions to do with my own life, where I live, if I choose to quit a job and similar, that way my mistakes are my own and I own them.
Sex has always been equal and if not it’s a natural change, not forced, if one or the other decides to take control.
In a relationship I’ve always ended up in control of finances, what we do nights out, travelling, what we eat or else I’d still be waiting to do anything in life with responses like ‘don’t mind’ or ‘yes, I’ll do that at some point’.
Maybe one day someone will say ‘right come on, we are off to do this’….. dreaming
Come on then, Spurs v Man City on Sunday, bring your rattle. "
You are on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've always felt the need to be in control in every aspect of my life. Once I learnt not to stress about the things I can't control, it gave me peace. Sexually, I like the guy to take the lead though and I'll happily give them full control."
Years ago I read Nancy Friday's book about female sexual fantasies, and she discussed the possibility that as women gained more equality in work and education they could be free to be more submissive sexually. Not all women obviously but an interesting idea. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is a proper toss answer but I go with the flow.
I'm dead chilled out and I'm happy to follow until I want/feel like I need to take control.
Sexually I'm finding that I'm more dominant so in that side of life I do like taking control. BUT. If was told I was going to be tired to a chair or something like that then I'd happily oblige haha
In short, I'm not arsed. I like an easy life and good orgasms however they may come "
NOT a toss answer at all, and it's great to get a mix of male and female answers, especially when discussing sexual control or otherwise. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I like taking on responsibility, probably too much at times as I do stretch myself. I'm usually the one amongst my friends organising things "
I'm similar with regards friends and family. I wonder if it's because we don't trust others to do it properly or is it a compliment that they trust us to get it right? |
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I'm the organiser and planner in most of my life. I don't always need to lead but I guess the planning out does put me in control in that way.
When it comes to sex, the only person I really give full control to it Mr, as he knows me so well. It's wonderfully freeing. With other people I'm more topping from the bottom
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm in a job where I have to be in control all the time. I do take control in sex but occasionally it is liberating to hand control to someone I trust. "
I like that word 'liberating' in this context. I guess it's the difference between choosing to surrender control (in sex) and being denied control, for example at work ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Another single mum with a business so I have no choice most of the time - I'm in charge. Sexually submissive though and it's cathartic to hand over the control. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Another single mum with a business so I have no choice most of the time - I'm in charge. Sexually submissive though and it's cathartic to hand over the control. "
This seems like a common experience, by the posts here at least. 'Cathartic' also a great way to describe ceding control to a trusted lover. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I like to take control in most things personally and professionally, I always have, but on holidays or when visiting others tend to go with the flow and enjoy someone else leading. Same with sex  "
Ah, that's good you can relax away from work, not always easy if you're a natural leader elsewhere. |
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When I was married I was happy to let her control the finances and day to day running of our household. However since I’ve been divorced I have enjoyed being more independent and full control of my life.
From what time to get up in the morning to what I eat for my tea, that’s down to me and I love it.
It’s probably the reason I’m still single and prefer to date and not get too involved with anyone.
A friend calls up and asks if I fancy doing something, no one to ask, if I can play out with my football |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
Professionally and home life in control, my job it's needed and I'm a single parent so if I didn't then nothing would get done.....
Sexually it's a different kettle of fish, I'm the one who wants to be controlled for sure and a lot more than I previously thought I'd enjoy, the right person I'm happy to relinquish all control completely |
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I generally take control in all areas apart from sex, where I'm submissive and like others to have control. I run a department and manage staff, decide on deployment and planning of all kinds, I manage the family finances and diary etc. Loadsa things. But I give up control in the bedroom 
Mrs KC |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Whilst being quite chilled I'm naturally bossy and efficient so I generally make the effort to stand back and let others lead. Unless they're utter bumbling idiots and then I'll take control back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I was married I was happy to let her control the finances and day to day running of our household. However since I’ve been divorced I have enjoyed being more independent and full control of my life.
From what time to get up in the morning to what I eat for my tea, that’s down to me and I love it.
It’s probably the reason I’m still single and prefer to date and not get too involved with anyone.
A friend calls up and asks if I fancy doing something, no one to ask, if I can play out with my football "
That sounds like a very empowering form of control, which is the best kind. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a massive control freak. In every aspect of my life. It rarely stops it's annoying as, as my brain works at 100 mph all the time. "
.
Our first self confessed control freak ! Have you ever tried giving over control in some situations or is that just unthinkable? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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For the most part I'd say I'm in control. I like that though, I relish the chance to organise and prepare and all of that sort of thing, it helps me be in my happy place. Also I'm quite a direct person and this might come as a bit of a shock but I'm quite bossy and used to getting my own way, what I want when I do etc.
I don't want more control, I'd actually really love for someone else to take the initiative once in a while. A sort of hey Meli, we're going to meet here at this time and do this. My poor brain could actually switch off for a bit and I'd appreciate that. And this is going to be awful but I'd like to actually not be the erm... I'm trying to think of how to phrase this as I type it... the instigator. I hear so often through friends of men organising, arranging things, even sorting out drinks for them but that always falls down to me. Ah well, serves me right for being so insufferable. |
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"I'm a massive control freak. In every aspect of my life. It rarely stops it's annoying as, as my brain works at 100 mph all the time. .
Our first self confessed control freak ! Have you ever tried giving over control in some situations or is that just unthinkable?"
I do in a very limited prescribed way. And even then it's all prearranged and has rules. So I'm fully in control even though it may not look like it to others. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a massive control freak. In every aspect of my life. It rarely stops it's annoying as, as my brain works at 100 mph all the time. .
Our first self confessed control freak ! Have you ever tried giving over control in some situations or is that just unthinkable?
I do in a very limited prescribed way. And even then it's all prearranged and has rules. So I'm fully in control even though it may not look like it to others. "
Remote control then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting question..
Having moved back in with parents I've realised how much control they used to have over my life. I say they I mean my mum. She dictates a lot more than I ever even realised.
Looking forward to getting my shit together and having my own space and freedom again, and enjoy life as I used to. |
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"I'm a massive control freak. In every aspect of my life. It rarely stops it's annoying as, as my brain works at 100 mph all the time. .
Our first self confessed control freak ! Have you ever tried giving over control in some situations or is that just unthinkable?
I do in a very limited prescribed way. And even then it's all prearranged and has rules. So I'm fully in control even though it may not look like it to others.
Remote control then "
Haha I'm a right bossy mare. But do like the break from all the noise in my head. Just in a defined way that has been planned out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I don't want more control, I'd actually really love for someone else to take the initiative once in a while. A sort of hey Meli, we're going to meet here at this time and do this. My poor brain could actually switch off for a bit and I'd appreciate that. And this is going to be awful but I'd like to actually not be the erm... I'm trying to think of how to phrase this as I type it... the instigator. I hear so often through friends of men organising, arranging things, even sorting out drinks for them but that always falls down to me. Ah well, serves me right for being so insufferable. "
Even as a child I was always the 'organiser' so I'm fascinated by this part of the control equation. It must start with our character but does it then just become habit, or an excuse for others to be a little lazy ? |
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I struggle to find a balance...I'm single mum so no one to take control there, manager at work so have to control there... Unable to let go and give someone the trust to control in any other aspect but would like to...if that makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interesting question..
Having moved back in with parents I've realised how much control they used to have over my life. I say they I mean my mum. She dictates a lot more than I ever even realised.
Looking forward to getting my shit together and having my own space and freedom again, and enjoy life as I used to."
Although that sounds like hard work at times perhaps it's also given you a new insight into your relationship? And good luck with moving on and Moving on Up as the song says. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a job where I have to be in control all the time. I do take control in sex but occasionally it is liberating to hand control to someone I trust.
I like that word 'liberating' in this context. I guess it's the difference between choosing to surrender control (in sex) and being denied control, for example at work ?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I struggle to find a balance...I'm single mum so no one to take control there, manager at work so have to control there... Unable to let go and give someone the trust to control in any other aspect but would like to...if that makes sense"
It makes perfect sense. Control and trust are inseparable I think, and I hope that you do find that trust in at least one area of life. |
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