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Morals
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"Maybe" Why maybe? | |||
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"Maybe Why maybe? " Because they aren’t sure yet. | |||
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"If you found out that your bestest best friends husband/wife/partner was on here and you knew that they were oblivios.... Would you tell them?" How would you know they were oblivious? | |||
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"Well I think it's probably best to keep your oar out of other people's business for what might be a passing phase, some light titillation or anything else you might not be in any position to consider. If it's black and white without any consideration of the position of others then it's probably not a considered and intelligent choice. The wording of their profile and the activities they were taking part in would have to guide ones actions. " This is the best answer imo.  | |||
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"I’d speak to the person on here and tell them to fess up" Why? What makes you the keeper of their morals ? Why MUST the cheater confess? Why must the cheated know ? What would you do if you found out they already knew but were horrified that you 'd found out something they wanted to be private ? | |||
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"Yeah I'd speak to the guilty party... " How do you know they're guilty? | |||
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"Yeah I'd speak to the guilty party... " Which party is the guilty party ? What are they guilty of ? Whose morals are you expecting them to live by ? | |||
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"Let's say for arguments sake. It's obvious the person has met and had sex with others...." Doesn't change my answer. | |||
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"I’d speak to the person on here and tell them to fess up Why? What makes you the keeper of their morals ? Why MUST the cheater confess? Why must the cheated know ? What would you do if you found out they already knew but were horrified that you 'd found out something they wanted to be private ?" I'm with you on this granny. | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first?" Before you do it for them ? | |||
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"If you found out that your bestest best friends husband/wife/partner was on here and you knew that they were oblivios.... Would you tell them?" Yes. | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ?" I did say if you knew 100% that your best friend was oblivious to the fact their partner was on here. | |||
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"Having discovered my ex on here before we split, I wouldn't want to inflict the hurt that I experienced, I would speak to the person on here and try to get them to be honest and open with their partner, hopefully they could sort out their issues between themselves" When did you become their marriage counsellor ? Did they ask you to be ? | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ? I did say if you knew 100% that your best friend was oblivious to the fact their partner was on here." Yeah ? | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ?" I mean I would want to know if it was me. I would want my best friend to tell me if my partner didnt.so yes if they declined. Just my opinion and I appreciate sometimes if it's not your business,don't mess with it. | |||
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"Ooooooo I really don't know. I have 1 best best best friend, if her husband was on here I would tell her, after all I'd want to be told by her. But anyone else I think I would try to stay out of it. It's a difficult one Claire " This is really interesting. You base what's best for her by what's best for you ? | |||
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"Well I'm a married guy and have my reasons for being here .. no one on this site should think they have higher morals than anyone else .. any couple on here having sex with other people is commiting Adultery if you go by the true definition .. no matter how you try and dress it up !!" Does your wife know that you are on here? If not how would you feel if say, 1 of her friends knee you were and told her...and showed her proof. | |||
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"Yes and no depends do they know you know If not then stay clear if they do then First I would sit the person down and give them a ultimatum that they got to come clean to them by x amount off time And if they don’t then you will Because here the thing if they found out and they could turn around and say your best friend new about it and didn’t even tell you Now you lost your best friend people can be spiteful in direct hurt to someone " So you do it to protect yourself really ? | |||
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"What would you do if you found out they already knew but were horrified that you 'd found out something they wanted to be private ?" I'd tell them I wanted to keep my sexual life private too but here I am outing myself for them. If they are so self centered that they see that as something to be horrified about then thats their prudish mentality and can't be hung on me. | |||
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"Yeah I'd speak to the guilty party... Which party is the guilty party ? What are they guilty of ? Whose morals are you expecting them to live by ?" The guilty party who's on here as a single person expecting to meet! I'd be nosey and ask have they been successful with shagging! If they haven't been, I'd say you're better off with porn instead.... | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ? I did say if you knew 100% that your best friend was oblivious to the fact their partner was on here." You have to consider the possibility that you only think they are 100% oblivious because they don’t want you to think otherwise. | |||
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"Nobody and I mean *nobody* knows what goes on in other people's relationships, even a best friend who tells you everything. " Indeed. | |||
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"If you found out that your bestest best friends husband/wife/partner was on here and you knew that they were oblivios.... Would you tell them?" Nope. Imagine that the other half is fully aware and then mortified that you know their secret ? | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ? I mean I would want to know if it was me. I would want my best friend to tell me if my partner didnt.so yes if they declined. Just my opinion and I appreciate sometimes if it's not your business,don't mess with it." I'd want to know too. I still say I wouldn't say a word if I knew that someone's partner was having sex behind their back with someone else. | |||
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"If you found out that your bestest best friends husband/wife/partner was on here and you knew that they were oblivios.... Would you tell them?" I would tell the person that they have the opportunity to tell their partner first | |||
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"Having discovered my ex on here before we split, I wouldn't want to inflict the hurt that I experienced, I would speak to the person on here and try to get them to be honest and open with their partner, hopefully they could sort out their issues between themselves When did you become their marriage counsellor ? Did they ask you to be ?" you could apply the same thing to telling the person who is being cheated on | |||
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"Well I'm a married guy and have my reasons for being here .. no one on this site should think they have higher morals than anyone else .. any couple on here having sex with other people is commiting Adultery if you go by the true definition .. no matter how you try and dress it up !!" Lol. That's not true dude. There is one person you are not meant to lie to. Adultery is in the abuse of trust not the act of sex, nor a narrow dictionary definition.  | |||
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"Yeah I'd speak to the guilty party... Which party is the guilty party ? What are they guilty of ? Whose morals are you expecting them to live by ? The guilty party who's on here as a single person expecting to meet! I'd be nosey and ask have they been successful with shagging! If they haven't been, I'd say you're better off with porn instead.... "Why though ? I'm as nosey as hell but I could resist moralising with someone who is not following social mores... | |||
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"Yes and no depends do they know you know If not then stay clear if they do then First I would sit the person down and give them a ultimatum that they got to come clean to them by x amount off time And if they don’t then you will Because here the thing if they found out and they could turn around and say your best friend new about it and didn’t even tell you Now you lost your best friend people can be spiteful in direct hurt to someone So you do it to protect yourself really ?" Not exactly but it’s put a person in a hard place Ie your friend could take at as trying to medial in they realship and cut you out if they don’t want to blelve it That’s why you say nothing But on the other hand you never know how spiteful someone going to be | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ? I mean I would want to know if it was me. I would want my best friend to tell me if my partner didnt.so yes if they declined. Just my opinion and I appreciate sometimes if it's not your business,don't mess with it. I'd want to know too. I still say I wouldn't say a word if I knew that someone's partner was having sex behind their back with someone else." Fair enough . Mrs x | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ? I did say if you knew 100% that your best friend was oblivious to the fact their partner was on here. You have to consider the possibility that you only think they are 100% oblivious because they don’t want you to think otherwise." I think there is a very good chance the other party knows or suspects in times such as these and they are choosing their own way to deal with it, that isnt necesarily kick then straight out the door . My poor sister took the decision to tell me, but I already knew way before that and would have saved her the ordeal for want of it being kept a bit private. | |||
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"Yes and no depends do they know you know If not then stay clear if they do then First I would sit the person down and give them a ultimatum that they got to come clean to them by x amount off time And if they don’t then you will Because here the thing if they found out and they could turn around and say your best friend new about it and didn’t even tell you Now you lost your best friend people can be spiteful in direct hurt to someone So you do it to protect yourself really ? Not exactly but it’s put a person in a hard place Ie your friend could take at as trying to medial in they realship and cut you out if they don’t want to blelve it That’s why you say nothing But on the other hand you never know how spiteful someone going to be " I'd like to think ( and I can only think ) that if my partner cheated i'd NEVER hold my best friend responsible. AND...... if my best friend had been put through that agony you can bet your bottom fucking dollar I am not going to shit on them. Sure we might have a discussion around the theme of Why didn't you tell me and I do hope I had it in me to believe that they were trying to protect me and my marriage. Why should they take the blame. I'd like to think that i treat a friend as a friend thick and thin .... | |||
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"That's a tricky one. Think I would talk to the person who's on here and give them the chance to tell their partner themselves first? Before you do it for them ? I did say if you knew 100% that your best friend was oblivious to the fact their partner was on here. You have to consider the possibility that you only think they are 100% oblivious because they don’t want you to think otherwise. I think there is a very good chance the other party knows or suspects in times such as these and they are choosing their own way to deal with it, that isnt necesarily kick then straight out the door . My poor sister took the decision to tell me, but I already knew way before that and would have saved her the ordeal for want of it being kept a bit private. " It's good to hear things from another perspective. Mrs x | |||
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"What if it's your best friend cheating on their partner and you know the partner doesn't know because your best friend has told you? What do you do then, tell the partner? " The plot thickens! | |||
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"What if it's your best friend cheating on their partner and you know the partner doesn't know because your best friend has told you? What do you do then, tell the partner? " Good questioning Watson ........ | |||
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"What if it's your best friend cheating on their partner and you know the partner doesn't know because your best friend has told you? What do you do then, tell the partner? " Yes. My friends know my feelings on cheating and they know I wouldn't keep my mouth shut if any of them did. | |||
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"It is in the true definition of Adultry xx" Which one of us were you kissing ? Bloody flirts on here. | |||
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"Nobody and I mean *nobody* knows what goes on in other people's relationships, even a best friend who tells you everything. " Exactly because none of us tell our best friends everything. | |||
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"I’d speak to the person on here and tell them to fess up" yep, that;s what I'd say too | |||
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"Ha you people are such liars. This site is rife with cheaters, practically designed for it. All you get is can u fuck me whilst my husbands out or can u fuck me whilst my wife's at work she doesn't have a clue and you see the 100s of verifications and it blows my mind hahaha. I will never trust anyone again after using this site as it opened my eyes to what people are really like. Good thing or bad? Unsure." Maybe you are a tad jaded. I never cheated on my husband and i'd have died ( after i killed him ) if he cheated on me...... Doesn't mean I would interfere in someone's marriage. Running to tell tales could end a marriage that would have stayed happily together. | |||
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"I’d speak to the person on here and tell them to fess up yep, that;s what I'd say too " give them the opportunity to sugar coat it as best they can if that is actually possible otherwise they can leave it to me to tell them straight to the point | |||
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"Oddly it's something I've discussed with my closest friend, albeit in a very theoretical way when a similar type of situation occurred with a mutual acquaintance. Knowing that she'd want me to speak up would make it easier. It's not an issue right now, as neither of us are in a relationship!" Now then ....... that's like a 'living will' ...... sort of. I'd tell under those circumstances as I'd have a loyalty to my friend about something we had pre agreed and promised each other. | |||
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"I’d speak to the person on here and tell them to fess up Why? What makes you the keeper of their morals ? Why MUST the cheater confess? Why must the cheated know ? What would you do if you found out they already knew but were horrified that you 'd found out something they wanted to be private ?" I was thinking of my best friend as I answered this, she knows I’m on here so if she found out I knew then it would ruin our friendship, her partner isn’t a saint but I would give him the opportunity to try and put it right. There’s never a right answer to this as everyone’s lives are different | |||
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"I would offer them my silence for a peanut lion bar and a toffee crisp" Ooo a tough negotiator. | |||
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"I would offer them my silence for a peanut lion bar and a toffee crisp"  | |||
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"Yes and no depends do they know you know If not then stay clear if they do then First I would sit the person down and give them a ultimatum that they got to come clean to them by x amount off time And if they don’t then you will Because here the thing if they found out and they could turn around and say your best friend new about it and didn’t even tell you Now you lost your best friend people can be spiteful in direct hurt to someone So you do it to protect yourself really ? Not exactly but it’s put a person in a hard place Ie your friend could take at as trying to medial in they realship and cut you out if they don’t want to blelve it That’s why you say nothing But on the other hand you never know how spiteful someone going to be I'd like to think ( and I can only think ) that if my partner cheated i'd NEVER hold my best friend responsible. AND...... if my best friend had been put through that agony you can bet your bottom fucking dollar I am not going to shit on them. Sure we might have a discussion around the theme of Why didn't you tell me and I do hope I had it in me to believe that they were trying to protect me and my marriage. Why should they take the blame. I'd like to think that i treat a friend as a friend thick and thin .... " Loves blinding I know first hand I was told I was warred someone wasn’t good for me I disowned family members the lot for tell me she wasn’t good for me she was toxic cut anyone out my life that disproved off this person Only to end up finding what they sed was the truth years down the line after I was left broken for life Took me years to rebuild relationship with family members and such If you best friend thinks like that then you haven’t a hope they will cut you out they life and not bleve what your telling them | |||
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"I would offer them my silence for a peanut lion bar and a toffee crisp Ooo a tough negotiator. " I was going to ask for a topic, but I know my worth! | |||
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"If you found out that your bestest best friends husband/wife/partner was on here and you knew that they were oblivios.... Would you tell them?" I would speak to them first and suggest they tell them | |||
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"I would offer them my silence for a peanut lion bar and a toffee crisp Ooo a tough negotiator. I was going to ask for a topic, but I know my worth!" You should hold out for a multi-pack at least.  | |||
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"It would cause a lot of wide ranging hurt to so many people .. I've had long conversations with her, we have a huge mismatch in our sexusl needs now .. she doesn't think you can meet others just for sex without emotions becoming involved xx" I’d give up if I were you matey. You’ll never convince the majority of those on here who take their moral high-ground and foist it on others!! For these people, it’s like being a vegan ... they need to shove down other people’s throats just how morally superior they are. Staying and playing can actually be the more caring choice - it certainly isn’t always the sign of a philandering s.o.b. | |||
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"Maybe Why maybe? " Have to know the whole situation. | |||
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"Yeah I'd speak to the guilty party... Which party is the guilty party ? What are they guilty of ? Whose morals are you expecting them to live by ? The guilty party who's on here as a single person expecting to meet! I'd be nosey and ask have they been successful with shagging! If they haven't been, I'd say you're better off with porn instead....
Why though ? I'm as nosey as hell but I could resist moralising with someone who is not following social mores... "Just cos I said guilty party - does that say I'm moralistic by one word I used 'guilty'? I'd still ask if they're successful. I haven't said I'd judge after been given an answer....neither would I tell the 'innocent' party! | |||
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"I would offer them my silence for a peanut lion bar and a toffee crisp Ooo a tough negotiator. I was going to ask for a topic, but I know my worth! You should hold out for a multi-pack at least. "Now that’s just greedy... but I like it | |||
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"Thanks for that, there are a lot of people that understand judging by the pms I get, just they're scared to post on here .. I have a really good marriage and don't want that to change and having this release I think helps me be a better, rounded husband !!" You said it for us all fella | |||
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"So for the ones who have said no What would you them do if said friend came to you, absolutely devastated because they somehow found out.... Would you act as if you didn't know??" I don't know until I'm faced with that situation. I would probably tell the truth as I knew it. That is what exactly I knew and why I didn't say anything. That's the thing with morals you have to accept the consequences of sticking to them. | |||
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"So for the ones who have said no What would you them do if said friend came to you, absolutely devastated because they somehow found out.... Would you act as if you didn't know??" I'd ask both parties if they've spoken to each other. Skating around your question a bit but the answer would be, yes I would act that way. | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? " I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others." it hurts like fuck to find that out | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others." Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? " Already beat you to that.... As wrote above | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. " If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others." With writing our own ...we easily miss anything above us, if we don't go back ...sorry | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't?" Extra emotions you've put in there sparkle - you're killing us .... I'm out | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Extra emotions you've put in there sparkle - you're killing us .... I'm out "Sorry | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Extra emotions you've put in there sparkle - you're killing us .... I'm out "As I said earlier that's the thing with these kind of decisions. If you strongly believe something you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions (or inaction). The only thing you can do is be as true to yourself and your personal moral code as possible. You've nothing to reproach yourself with in that case | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't?" Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. | |||
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"Believe it or not... There is no right or wrong answer here... I was just asking what YOU would do under the circumstances." I think it's one of those where you're damned if you and damned if you don't x | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. " This for me too, mentioning I knew after the fact won't change anything, I would just be there to support. | |||
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"Nobody and I mean *nobody* knows what goes on in other people's relationships, even a best friend who tells you everything. " Absolutely this
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. This for me too, mentioning I knew after the fact won't change anything, I would just be there to support." But wouldn't you feel a little guilt knowing you knew...?? | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. This for me too, mentioning I knew after the fact won't change anything, I would just be there to support. But wouldn't you feel a little guilt knowing you knew...??" Guilt is an unavoidable side effect of the human condition | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. This for me too, mentioning I knew after the fact won't change anything, I would just be there to support. But wouldn't you feel a little guilt knowing you knew...?? Guilt is an unavoidable side effect of the human condition" Very true. | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. This for me too, mentioning I knew after the fact won't change anything, I would just be there to support. But wouldn't you feel a little guilt knowing you knew...??" No. What have I to feel guilt for ? What was my intent? My intent might have been to ensure her happiness or at least hope that things would soon blow over etc ..... There are so many ifs and buts There is little to be achieved by carrying tales ...... I might tell someone if their partner was planning to kill them or steal all their wordly goods ...... but a dalliance ? Nah ...... no way. | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Neither, though it could be argued that I acted as if I didn't know anything. What I know i'd do is comfort him or her and only answer truthfully if they asked outright if I knew. I wouldn't lie to them. Not mentioning knowing is not lying. In fact, my not telling them is of no consequence to what is now happening to him and her and any family and friends affected. In short. I'm there for them. Suddenly saying ooo I knew all along doesn't help in fact it would make things one hell of a lot worse. This for me too, mentioning I knew after the fact won't change anything, I would just be there to support. But wouldn't you feel a little guilt knowing you knew...?? No. What have I to feel guilt for ? What was my intent? My intent might have been to ensure her happiness or at least hope that things would soon blow over etc ..... There are so many ifs and buts There is little to be achieved by carrying tales ...... I might tell someone if their partner was planning to kill them or steal all their wordly goods ...... but a dalliance ? Nah ...... no way. " As I said there is no right or wrong answer. Everyone will have different opinions on this. | |||
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"The way I see it Sparkle.... my friend would be no less a friend in my eyes because of what their partner did ...... I wouldn't be feeling sorrow or pity for my friend either. Ignorance can be bliss. " I get where you are coming from. I just know if it were my best friend and they asked if I knew and I said yes, that would devastate them more because I know I couldn't lie. | |||
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"The way I see it Sparkle.... my friend would be no less a friend in my eyes because of what their partner did ...... I wouldn't be feeling sorrow or pity for my friend either. Ignorance can be bliss. I get where you are coming from. I just know if it were my best friend and they asked if I knew and I said yes, that would devastate them more because I know I couldn't lie." Exactly. I've known my best friend since we were 3 and 4. We were practically inseparable growing up . | |||
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"My bestest best friend ever I would tell if I knew 100% he was cheating." Would you tell him if you knew 100% she was cheating? | |||
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"The way I see it Sparkle.... my friend would be no less a friend in my eyes because of what their partner did ...... I wouldn't be feeling sorrow or pity for my friend either. Ignorance can be bliss. I get where you are coming from. I just know if it were my best friend and they asked if I knew and I said yes, that would devastate them more because I know I couldn't lie." I agree. They'd be chowked but hopefully when the dust settled they'd see you for the great friend you have been , still are and realise that you were in a predicament that you handled as best you could. | |||
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"My best friend yes Anyone else no " | |||
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"Here's a question ....... hypothetical as the original ...... maybe a scenario more than a question. Your good friend has a partner who is cheating on them. You warn the partner and tell them they must tell your friend Maybe you tell your friend. Your friend confronts their partner. Their partner argues and fights and finally leaves. The family are devastated. The kids are going through terrible times. Your friend blames YOU. They say that if only you'd minded your own business she/he'd still be married..... They ask you WHY? WHY did you break them ? You lose your friend. Would you still think your decision to play at moral guardian was for the best ?" Granny, moral guardians always think their decision is for the best | |||
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And Aunt Lydia ..... | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 06/08/21 18:29:07]" While I am a bit of a truth fanatic, this is one where I would not play fate. 1. I do not think we ever know all the facts. 2. I would not want to be responsible for (any) consequences. Irrespective of the potential of losing a friend, no, I would not disclose. If I knew somebody had a terminal disease I would not disclose that to their loved ones either. I do not think I have the right. I want to add that many years ago I was entrusted with a massive family secret, not to be told to anybody. I stuck to my promise and as a result, (emotionally) lost one of my siblings for they would not forgive me for keeping it a secret. They do no longer speak to me. I can live with that - I could not live with having betrayed the confidence of the person to whom I gave the promise. Maybe I am wrong....who knows. | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 06/08/21 18:29:07] While I am a bit of a truth fanatic, this is one where I would not play fate. 1. I do not think we ever know all the facts. 2. I would not want to be responsible for (any) consequences. Irrespective of the potential of losing a friend, no, I would not disclose. If I knew somebody had a terminal disease I would not disclose that to their loved ones either. I do not think I have the right. I want to add that many years ago I was entrusted with a massive family secret, not to be told to anybody. I stuck to my promise and as a result, (emotionally) lost one of my siblings for they would not forgive me for keeping it a secret. They do no longer speak to me. I can live with that - I could not live with having betrayed the confidence of the person to whom I gave the promise. Maybe I am wrong....who knows." None of us, only you .
I'm currently faced with a similar situation. A close relative has just died. I knew more about their life situation than their children who they made it clear they didn't want to know. The children obviously now know. I'm keeping my mouth shut | |||
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"Here's a question ....... hypothetical as the original ...... maybe a scenario more than a question. Your good friend has a partner who is cheating on them. You warn the partner and tell them they must tell your friend Maybe you tell your friend. Your friend confronts their partner. Their partner argues and fights and finally leaves. The family are devastated. The kids are going through terrible times. Your friend blames YOU. They say that if only you'd minded your own business she/he'd still be married..... They ask you WHY? WHY did you break them ? You lose your friend. Would you still think your decision to play at moral guardian was for the best ?" Hypothetical answer...yes I would. I suppose all this boils down to just how close a friendship you have with said friend. | |||
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"I agree wholeheartedly Aphrodite. Also your siblings choice to cast you out is their decision and was out of your control in any case. In my book - you made the right choice. Although I don't know any of the circumstances I consider your sibling's action to be a wholly selfish one. " Thanks, GC - I don't know, nor do I know if they will ever speak to me again. You are right in saying that they are a very self centred person in their own right and they cannot see the moral dilemma (mine) of not telling them at the time. But I can live with my decision even though it is incredibly sad as I am much more of a family person than comes across on Fabs. | |||
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"My best friend yes, because I owe them that loyalty. But anyone else, nope. " | |||
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"This get's more interesting. So are you agreeing that someone who doesn't tell a friend that their husband is fucking around lacks loyalty ?" No. Because my relationship with my bestie and our inner direction of what we need out of it, has no reflection on my other friendships or other people's way of dealing with it. | |||
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"Christ you're really chomping on this Granny.... Have you been in this position before?" Didn't know it would turn into such a discussion | |||
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"If you found out that your bestest best friends husband/wife/partner was on here and you knew that they were oblivios.... Would you tell them?" Interesting..... If treat it like anything else in that relationship, honestly. I'm annoyingly honest with everyone I'm close to, I just don't lie. If it was someone I considered a friend, I'd be honest with them, but point out that I didn't know the context of why they were on here. No elaborating, just, they're on FAB. While I understand people worrying about the hurt this will cause, it's what's been done that is causing the pain, not being told about it. Why should someone's else's dishonesty mean I have to be dishonest too? Being lied to by one person close to you would be bad enough, but your partner AND your friend? No thanks. | |||
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"This get's more interesting. So are you agreeing that someone who doesn't tell a friend that their husband is fucking around lacks loyalty ?" I wouldn't ever judge anyone else for it or even think of them as disloyal. I don't know their situation, and I would respect if they wanted to keep it to themselves. But something I feel plays a big part in my friendships is loyalty, and if I knew my best friend was getting cheated on and I kept quiet I would feel like I am lacking loyalty towards her. That's not a reflection on anyone else who decides to keep quiet. That's my personal feelings on the subject. | |||
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"Christ you're really chomping on this Granny.... Have you been in this position before? Didn't know it would turn into such a discussion "Yeah there's a lot going on ... | |||
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"The ORIGINAL question was ...... would we tell that their partner was on here..... That's all. Who is to say they've met someone ? Who is to say they've had sex ? I did say further down that what if their profile showed verifications showing they had met and had sex with others. Okies........ Doesn't change my answer. If said friend found out through other means and came to you absolutely heartbroken and devastated....would you tell her you knew or act as though you didn't? Extra emotions you've put in there sparkle - you're killing us .... I'm out
As I said earlier that's the thing with these kind of decisions. If you strongly believe something you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions (or inaction). The only thing you can do is be as true to yourself and your personal moral code as possible. You've nothing to reproach yourself with in that case "Love this answer and so true! | |||
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"I am gathering we are all decent people who do not take this decision of telling or not telling lightly. I guess we come from whether loyalty to a friend overrides the qualms of playing God/ fate with all the possible consequences? Maybe there really is no right or wrong? " Do you think that people would still like and cheat if they knew for certain they'd be found out. I think that the people who act like that are the ones playing god, not you. | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals?" I asked a similar question earlier. I could be wrong but I don't think anybody has answered. | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals?" Morality isn't a currency to be traced and valued against other things. It is, or it isn't. Morality is one of the few things that must be black and white. | |||
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"This get's more interesting. So are you agreeing that someone who doesn't tell a friend that their husband is fucking around lacks loyalty ?" If I suddenly found out that you kept something like this from your best friend I honestly wouldn't care enough to judge your character. I don't know you Granny. I don't know your reasons for keeping quiet. It's none of my business. But I know myself, and I know my best friend and I know why I want to pick loyalty. | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals? I asked a similar question earlier. I could be wrong but I don't think anybody has answered." I did and said yes. | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals? Morality isn't a currency to be traced and valued against other things. It is, or it isn't. Morality is one of the few things that must be black and white. " What is seen to be moral all has to do with the culture you live in. Morals are fluid they are not a fixed. | |||
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"Nope. I might speak to the person doing what I perceived to be the cheating and tell them to sort themselves out though. It would depend " Yes, I’d do this. Not the person being cheated on. The shock is immense and I don’t want to be responsible for that. | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals? Morality isn't a currency to be traced and valued against other things. It is, or it isn't. Morality is one of the few things that must be black and white. What is seen to be moral all has to do with the culture you live in. Morals are fluid they are not a fixed." Morality is a structure of beliefs that guide and restrict your behaviour. While there may be variations across cultures, they essentially stem from early religious doctrine. I think you're getting confused between morals and behaviours. | |||
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"This has been a very interesting topic. Good to see others points of views and reasons x" I agree, good post | |||
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"My bestest best friend ever I would tell if I knew 100% he was cheating. Would you tell him if you knew 100% she was cheating?" No. She's my friend, he isn't. | |||
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"My bestest best friend ever I would tell if I knew 100% he was cheating. Would you tell him if you knew 100% she was cheating? No. She's my friend, he isn't. " I really doubt very much she would cheat on him though. I don't think he would cheat on her either. | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals? Morality isn't a currency to be traced and valued against other things. It is, or it isn't. Morality is one of the few things that must be black and white. What is seen to be moral all has to do with the culture you live in. Morals are fluid they are not a fixed. Morality is a structure of beliefs that guide and restrict your behaviour. While there may be variations across cultures, they essentially stem from early religious doctrine. I think you're getting confused between morals and behaviours." No I'm not getting them confused the two are linked. This is why you behaviour is either deemed moral or immoral or amoral. | |||
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"And what do you do after you’ve told them? Go home, pat yourself on the back, sit down and light up a big cigar and say ‘well done me, that’s my good deed done for the day’ On the flip side your ‘mate’ now has a broken family. Kids that are torn between their parents. Their schooling suffers as a consequence. Both parties spend more time trying to fight out what’s best for their kids while the whole time they’re really being neglected. Then the brownie point scoring in the courts start with both sets of solicitors rubbing their hands and drawing it out longer than is necessary whilst fleecing both parties. Nah not for me All these folk saying ‘I know my mate’, you don’t. You think you do just cause you went to school with them or went on a group holiday 5 years ago. None of you ‘really’ know what goes on in your friends head and I’m sure none of them want to go through any of this. You’re not god. You’re not your ‘friends’ god. All you’re doing is taking advantage of a shitty situation and turning it on you and how great a ‘friend’ you are. " Absolutely this . No matter how much you think you know someone you don’t. Can’t believe the amount of people who’d stick their nose in other people’s business. Not for me. | |||
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"And what do you do after you’ve told them? Go home, pat yourself on the back, sit down and light up a big cigar and say ‘well done me, that’s my good deed done for the day’ On the flip side your ‘mate’ now has a broken family. Kids that are torn between their parents. Their schooling suffers as a consequence. Both parties spend more time trying to fight out what’s best for their kids while the whole time they’re really being neglected. Then the brownie point scoring in the courts start with both sets of solicitors rubbing their hands and drawing it out longer than is necessary whilst fleecing both parties. Nah not for me All these folk saying ‘I know my mate’, you don’t. You think you do just cause you went to school with them or went on a group holiday 5 years ago. None of you ‘really’ know what goes on in your friends head and I’m sure none of them want to go through any of this. You’re not god. You’re not your ‘friends’ god. All you’re doing is taking advantage of a shitty situation and turning it on you and how great a ‘friend’ you are. " I know my mate very well. I done the right thing telling her. She was thankful I did. I'd do it again and would expect the same of them. A friend who keeps something like that from you isn't a true friend R | |||
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"I am gathering we are all decent people who do not take this decision of telling or not telling lightly. I guess we come from whether loyalty to a friend overrides the qualms of playing God/ fate with all the possible consequences? Maybe there really is no right or wrong? Do you think that people would still like and cheat if they knew for certain they'd be found out. I think that the people who act like that are the ones playing god, not you." Maybe you are right, maybe they would not cheat, who knows. Now, if my friend asked me if I knew that their partner was cheating... that would be a real issue for me as I would not lie. I would say my friend needs to speak to their partner not me. But there is a difference for me in initiating the conversation about what I may have seen. Does that make any sense? | |||
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"And what do you do after you’ve told them? Go home, pat yourself on the back, sit down and light up a big cigar and say ‘well done me, that’s my good deed done for the day’ On the flip side your ‘mate’ now has a broken family. Kids that are torn between their parents. Their schooling suffers as a consequence. Both parties spend more time trying to fight out what’s best for their kids while the whole time they’re really being neglected. Then the brownie point scoring in the courts start with both sets of solicitors rubbing their hands and drawing it out longer than is necessary whilst fleecing both parties. Nah not for me All these folk saying ‘I know my mate’, you don’t. You think you do just cause you went to school with them or went on a group holiday 5 years ago. None of you ‘really’ know what goes on in your friends head and I’m sure none of them want to go through any of this. You’re not god. You’re not your ‘friends’ god. All you’re doing is taking advantage of a shitty situation and turning it on you and how great a ‘friend’ you are. I know my mate very well. I done the right thing telling her. She was thankful I did. I'd do it again and would expect the same of them. A friend who keeps something like that from you isn't a true friend R" Well done you. You must be very proud of yourself | |||
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"What if it was the best friend on here, would anyone be in such a rush to tell the partner of your friend, or would your loyalty to your best friend Trump your morals? I asked a similar question earlier. I could be wrong but I don't think anybody has answered. I did and said yes." So you did | |||
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"And what do you do after you’ve told them? Go home, pat yourself on the back, sit down and light up a big cigar and say ‘well done me, that’s my good deed done for the day’ On the flip side your ‘mate’ now has a broken family. Kids that are torn between their parents. Their schooling suffers as a consequence. Both parties spend more time trying to fight out what’s best for their kids while the whole time they’re really being neglected. Then the brownie point scoring in the courts start with both sets of solicitors rubbing their hands and drawing it out longer than is necessary whilst fleecing both parties. Nah not for me All these folk saying ‘I know my mate’, you don’t. You think you do just cause you went to school with them or went on a group holiday 5 years ago. None of you ‘really’ know what goes on in your friends head and I’m sure none of them want to go through any of this. You’re not god. You’re not your ‘friends’ god. All you’re doing is taking advantage of a shitty situation and turning it on you and how great a ‘friend’ you are. " Trust me, I know my best friend as they know me inside out so certainly wouldn't be taking advantage. My best friend and I are on exactly the same page regarding "cheating" and know that if we had 100% proof of it, we would expect each other to tell. As I said, it all depends on the closeness and bond you have with said friend. | |||
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"I am gathering we are all decent people who do not take this decision of telling or not telling lightly. I guess we come from whether loyalty to a friend overrides the qualms of playing God/ fate with all the possible consequences? Maybe there really is no right or wrong? Do you think that people would still like and cheat if they knew for certain they'd be found out. I think that the people who act like that are the ones playing god, not you. Maybe you are right, maybe they would not cheat, who knows. Now, if my friend asked me if I knew that their partner was cheating... that would be a real issue for me as I would not lie. I would say my friend needs to speak to their partner not me. But there is a difference for me in initiating the conversation about what I may have seen. Does that make any sense? " Meant to add that we all have to make our decisions and own those decisions, live with the consequences. I do not think not saying anything is any more loyal or disloyal than interfering. | |||
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