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I feel shit
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I slept with someone around 2 years ago after speaking for a bit. I really fancied him, the sex was great and he wanted to continue a fwb style relationship but he would ghost me for days at a time and I would get really annoyed - I'd set clear boundaries from the start on how I feel about replying to messages etc and obviously he only respected those until we actually had sex and he'd got what he wanted  so I knew he was a bit of a dick and after a lot of frustrating experiences including being ghosted right before planned hookups I decided to move on and forget about him.
Fast forward to yesterday, when he popped back up and asked to meet up again. I told him that, while I still fancied him, the ghosting issue was too much for me to deal with. He then admitted that he'd had a girlfriend at the time we slept together and that was part of the reason why he was always so elusive. I feel really crestfallen and disappointed. I feel so shit about the fact someone used me to cheat and I didn't even have a say in the matter. I just don't really know what to make of it all...
The worst part is he's now ghosting me again so I can't even find out what the situation was with his girlfriend and why he cheated. |
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I think you have to assume that the situation with his girlfriend was ok and he was just getting sex elsewhere because he could. It's not a nice thing for him to have done and I'm sorry it happened
None of this is your fault but I can understand why you feel used |
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"I slept with someone around 2 years ago after speaking for a bit. I really fancied him, the sex was great and he wanted to continue a fwb style relationship but he would ghost me for days at a time and I would get really annoyed - I'd set clear boundaries from the start on how I feel about replying to messages etc and obviously he only respected those until we actually had sex and he'd got what he wanted so I knew he was a bit of a dick and after a lot of frustrating experiences including being ghosted right before planned hookups I decided to move on and forget about him.
Fast forward to yesterday, when he popped back up and asked to meet up again. I told him that, while I still fancied him, the ghosting issue was too much for me to deal with. He then admitted that he'd had a girlfriend at the time we slept together and that was part of the reason why he was always so elusive. I feel really crestfallen and disappointed. I feel so shit about the fact someone used me to cheat and I didn't even have a say in the matter. I just don't really know what to make of it all...
The worst part is he's now ghosting me again so I can't even find out what the situation was with his girlfriend and why he cheated. "
I think we’re a bit alike. I’m one of those people who need an explanation. Unfortunately, it looks like the only explanation you’re going to get is that he’s a dick.
I wouldn’t give him the time of day. What will an explanation tell you that you don’t already know?
He probably still has a girlfriend, he will still ghost you in the future.
Block him and find someone who’ll put you on a pedestal and give you the type of relationship that you’re looking for on here. A respectful one x
Best of luck, if you’re anything like me (and highly suspect you are), you’ll agree with me but still continue to chase the elusive answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The thing is if people can't be honest from the get go how do you expect them to be trusted in the future.
Discussions and questions should always be put on the table.
Cheating with your partner or not as long as the other person you are meeting up with understand the situation and is compliant there's not a problem but deceiving is out of order. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I slept with someone around 2 years ago after speaking for a bit. I really fancied him, the sex was great and he wanted to continue a fwb style relationship but he would ghost me for days at a time and I would get really annoyed - I'd set clear boundaries from the start on how I feel about replying to messages etc and obviously he only respected those until we actually had sex and he'd got what he wanted so I knew he was a bit of a dick and after a lot of frustrating experiences including being ghosted right before planned hookups I decided to move on and forget about him.
Fast forward to yesterday, when he popped back up and asked to meet up again. I told him that, while I still fancied him, the ghosting issue was too much for me to deal with. He then admitted that he'd had a girlfriend at the time we slept together and that was part of the reason why he was always so elusive. I feel really crestfallen and disappointed. I feel so shit about the fact someone used me to cheat and I didn't even have a say in the matter. I just don't really know what to make of it all...
The worst part is he's now ghosting me again so I can't even find out what the situation was with his girlfriend and why he cheated.
I think we’re a bit alike. I’m one of those people who need an explanation. Unfortunately, it looks like the only explanation you’re going to get is that he’s a dick.
I wouldn’t give him the time of day. What will an explanation tell you that you don’t already know?
He probably still has a girlfriend, he will still ghost you in the future.
Block him and find someone who’ll put you on a pedestal and give you the type of relationship that you’re looking for on here. A respectful one x
Best of luck, if you’re anything like me (and highly suspect you are), you’ll agree with me but still continue to chase the elusive answer. "
Yeah you're right, I totally need the closure. I never would have assumed he'd had a girlfriend because - without going into too much detail - he was about to change his entire lifestyle to one that would make it very difficult to have a partner.
And he is definitely ghosting me. Once I realised I blocked him on everything and kicked myself for even considering going back there in the slightest  |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I slept with someone around 2 years ago after speaking for a bit. I really fancied him, the sex was great and he wanted to continue a fwb style relationship but he would ghost me for days at a time and I would get really annoyed - I'd set clear boundaries from the start on how I feel about replying to messages etc and obviously he only respected those until we actually had sex and he'd got what he wanted so I knew he was a bit of a dick and after a lot of frustrating experiences including being ghosted right before planned hookups I decided to move on and forget about him.
Fast forward to yesterday, when he popped back up and asked to meet up again. I told him that, while I still fancied him, the ghosting issue was too much for me to deal with. He then admitted that he'd had a girlfriend at the time we slept together and that was part of the reason why he was always so elusive. I feel really crestfallen and disappointed. I feel so shit about the fact someone used me to cheat and I didn't even have a say in the matter. I just don't really know what to make of it all...
The worst part is he's now ghosting me again so I can't even find out what the situation was with his girlfriend and why he cheated.
I think we’re a bit alike. I’m one of those people who need an explanation. Unfortunately, it looks like the only explanation you’re going to get is that he’s a dick.
I wouldn’t give him the time of day. What will an explanation tell you that you don’t already know?
He probably still has a girlfriend, he will still ghost you in the future.
Block him and find someone who’ll put you on a pedestal and give you the type of relationship that you’re looking for on here. A respectful one x
Best of luck, if you’re anything like me (and highly suspect you are), you’ll agree with me but still continue to chase the elusive answer. "
I think it is quite a normal human response to want an explanation for why there were treated in this way - with you both on this one!  |
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OP. Delete his number. Block his ability to contact you. He is being coercive and controlling. Do not hang your mental well-being on another persons behaviour.
There’s loads of good fellas in the world. Don’t waste time on a wrong-un. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"And you really don’t need the closure. He won’t give you that. You will give you that. "
This^^^ spot on!
Some people actually get a kick out of leaving people wanting a closure and they are not going to get that from a person who behaves in this way. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I think you need to block him on everything so he can’t keep waltzing into your life and letting off little bombs of uncertainty and upset.
He doesn’t bring you happiness. So what does he bring to the table? His dick. And there’s plenty more of that out there. |
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"And you really don’t need the closure. He won’t give you that. You will give you that. This^^^ spot on!
Some people actually get a kick out of leaving people wanting a closure and they are not going to get that from a person who behaves in this way. "
It's how they keep people coming back.
I've got a friend who does that.
She'd see a man for a bit then tell him she just wanted to be friends. She'd ignore his messages for a while then answer one. She'd refuse to meet him for a bit then agree. Just keeping him on the hook enough with never a proper ending to their relationship. She did this with several men.
She's actually met her match now and they seem very well suited |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And you really don’t need the closure. He won’t give you that. You will give you that. This^^^ spot on!
Some people actually get a kick out of leaving people wanting a closure and they are not going to get that from a person who behaves in this way.
It's how they keep people coming back.
I've got a friend who does that.
She'd see a man for a bit then tell him she just wanted to be friends. She'd ignore his messages for a while then answer one. She'd refuse to meet him for a bit then agree. Just keeping him on the hook enough with never a proper ending to their relationship. She did this with several men.
She's actually met her match now and they seem very well suited "
I've definitely met a lot of men in the past few years who like doing this  and people wonder why I'm still single... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd block him on everything and move on. There's plenty more interesting guys out there to make you forget this particular timewaster. On the plus side, at least you didn't have an angry gf on your doorstep! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you need to block him on everything so he can’t keep waltzing into your life and letting off little bombs of uncertainty and upset.
He doesn’t bring you happiness. So what does he bring to the table? His dick. And there’s plenty more of that out there."
Where?! Where is it? How do I find it??  |
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"And you really don’t need the closure. He won’t give you that. You will give you that. This^^^ spot on!
Some people actually get a kick out of leaving people wanting a closure and they are not going to get that from a person who behaves in this way.
It's how they keep people coming back.
I've got a friend who does that.
She'd see a man for a bit then tell him she just wanted to be friends. She'd ignore his messages for a while then answer one. She'd refuse to meet him for a bit then agree. Just keeping him on the hook enough with never a proper ending to their relationship. She did this with several men.
She's actually met her match now and they seem very well suited
I've definitely met a lot of men in the past few years who like doing this and people wonder why I'm still single... "
I think the solution is to walk at the first sign of this behaviour. You're worth more |
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"I think you need to reevaluate those boundaries you say you set
What do you mean? "
Take no notice.
He treated you (and his gf) appallingly. Whether you "allowed" him to, as the poster implies, is by the by. It's hard when feelings come to the fore and hindsight & other people's views are all very good, but at the time you went with your heart. As most of us do at some point.
You've blocked him now, thankfully, as he sounds a rather selfish chap.
Accept thathat he was just one of life's wrong 'uns & free yourself up for people that will value you.
Please don't be so hard on yourself x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This isn’t about you, it’s about him. He’s a dick, messing about with you to suit himself, you’re worth more than that. Don’t allow him anymore room in your head. |
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Well done for blocking him op
He enjoys keeping people dangling in case he wants fun at a later date.
He's treated you and his gf horribly, maybe he's still even with her.
You are worth more and deserve more than him, it will find you when you least expect it
Don't give that loser a 2nd thought and be happy
Miss x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi OP, this excuse of a Man has mistreated you from day 1 IMO. He was cheating & you had no idea that he was...that's quite low of him. As regards the "ghosting" in between meets that's completely ill mannered of him.
My advice to you OP is to block him on every single app & try & move on. It's clear from your post that you have feelings for him, but men like him do not deserve your time or attention. So you hadn't heard from him in 2yrs & out of the blue he contacts you again & then "ghosts" you 
You're too good for him. I bet if you showed complete zero interest as in if you hadn't replied to him yesterday, he'd be plaguing you now.
Best Wishes & defo try & forget this excuse of a man, X
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And you really don’t need the closure. He won’t give you that. You will give you that. This^^^ spot on!
Some people actually get a kick out of leaving people wanting a closure and they are not going to get that from a person who behaves in this way.
It's how they keep people coming back.
I've got a friend who does that.
She'd see a man for a bit then tell him she just wanted to be friends. She'd ignore his messages for a while then answer one. She'd refuse to meet him for a bit then agree. Just keeping him on the hook enough with never a proper ending to their relationship. She did this with several men.
She's actually met her match now and they seem very well suited
I've definitely met a lot of men in the past few years who like doing this and people wonder why I'm still single...
I think the solution is to walk at the first sign of this behaviour. You're worth more "
Thank you. I have been doing this more recently, but I can't help feeling like I'm missing out by being so closed-hearted. Guys will give me excuses as to why they're being distant and make me feel like I'm being unreasonable for not wanting to be ghosted, and then act all shocked when I decide to move on.
Why am I only attracting these sorts of guys?? Am I the problem?! So frustrating  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you need to reevaluate those boundaries you say you set
What do you mean?
Take no notice.
He treated you (and his gf) appallingly. Whether you "allowed" him to, as the poster implies, is by the by. It's hard when feelings come to the fore and hindsight & other people's views are all very good, but at the time you went with your heart. As most of us do at some point.
You've blocked him now, thankfully, as he sounds a rather selfish chap.
Accept thathat he was just one of life's wrong 'uns & free yourself up for people that will value you.
Please don't be so hard on yourself x
"
Yeah I was going through a lot of shit when we first started talking, and he was really understanding and supportive. Felt so good to be able to talk to an objective stranger with zero judgment. Then when we did meet we got on so well and the sex was mind-blowing. I was never under the illusion it was ever going to go anywhere but I thought he might be someone I could stay connected with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi OP, this excuse of a Man has mistreated you from day 1 IMO. He was cheating & you had no idea that he was...that's quite low of him. As regards the "ghosting" in between meets that's completely ill mannered of him.
My advice to you OP is to block him on every single app & try & move on. It's clear from your post that you have feelings for him, but men like him do not deserve your time or attention. So you hadn't heard from him in 2yrs & out of the blue he contacts you again & then "ghosts" you
You're too good for him. I bet if you showed complete zero interest as in if you hadn't replied to him yesterday, he'd be plaguing you now.
Best Wishes & defo try & forget this excuse of a man, X
"
We did speak towards the end of last year but it was the same story... Whispering sweet nothings over text being the perfect gent and then when it came to the day before the meet - radio silence (until yesterday). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This isn’t about you, it’s about him. He’s a dick, messing about with you to suit himself, you’re worth more than that. Don’t allow him anymore room in your head. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But your probably only block him for a bit....so easy to unblock someone "
So true every time I've blocked him in the past I've ended up unblocking him. Although now I know he's a dirty lying cheat it'll be much easier to keep him on block. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well done for blocking him op
He enjoys keeping people dangling in case he wants fun at a later date.
He's treated you and his gf horribly, maybe he's still even with her.
You are worth more and deserve more than him, it will find you when you least expect it
Don't give that loser a 2nd thought and be happy
Miss x"
Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But your probably only block him for a bit....so easy to unblock someone
So true every time I've blocked him in the past I've ended up unblocking him. Although now I know he's a dirty lying cheat it'll be much easier to keep him on block. "
Take your phone and give it to a friend and ask them to delete the number |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having read the thread....I get it...sometimes it’s easier said than done to move on.
Keep the block on no matter how tempting it is to remove, it’s better for you in the long run...you already know it.
You as everyone has said are worth so much more and deserve better.x |
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"I think you need to reevaluate those boundaries you say you set
What do you mean?
Take no notice.
He treated you (and his gf) appallingly. Whether you "allowed" him to, as the poster implies, is by the by. It's hard when feelings come to the fore and hindsight & other people's views are all very good, but at the time you went with your heart. As most of us do at some point.
You've blocked him now, thankfully, as he sounds a rather selfish chap.
Accept thathat he was just one of life's wrong 'uns & free yourself up for people that will value you.
Please don't be so hard on yourself x
Yeah I was going through a lot of shit when we first started talking, and he was really understanding and supportive. Felt so good to be able to talk to an objective stranger with zero judgment. Then when we did meet we got on so well and the sex was mind-blowing. I was never under the illusion it was ever going to go anywhere but I thought he might be someone I could stay connected with. "
It sounds like you did want more. He was a dick but you cant change that - you can evaluate what you want going forward and if no strings sex to you involves strings then it is difficult to reconcile those two things. Delete/Block him and move on |
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"But your probably only block him for a bit....so easy to unblock someone
So true every time I've blocked him in the past I've ended up unblocking him. Although now I know he's a dirty lying cheat it'll be much easier to keep him on block. "
It's a pattern of behaviour. He lied to you repeatedly and he lied to his girlfriend repeatedly. It wasn't a one off at a vulnerable moment, it was an ongoing pattern.
I get that closure would be nice, but all you're going to get from him is more lies. Honestly, no cock is worth putting yourself through that, not even a schlong of solid 24kt gold.
Hold yourself in higher value, you deserve better. |
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"Well done for blocking him op
He enjoys keeping people dangling in case he wants fun at a later date.
He's treated you and his gf horribly, maybe he's still even with her.
You are worth more and deserve more than him, it will find you when you least expect it
Don't give that loser a 2nd thought and be happy
Miss x
Thank you xx "
We all get blocked still not sure y I got blocked lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What more do you need to know beyond that he's a prick and not worth wasting a second of your time on. There are people out there who will take advantage of and abuse those who allow it. You are worth more and the person who needs to tell you this is yourself. |
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"I slept with someone around 2 years ago after speaking for a bit. I really fancied him, the sex was great and he wanted to continue a fwb style relationship but he would ghost me for days at a time and I would get really annoyed - I'd set clear boundaries from the start on how I feel about replying to messages etc and obviously he only respected those until we actually had sex and he'd got what he wanted so I knew he was a bit of a dick and after a lot of frustrating experiences including being ghosted right before planned hookups I decided to move on and forget about him.
Fast forward to yesterday, when he popped back up and asked to meet up again. I told him that, while I still fancied him, the ghosting issue was too much for me to deal with. He then admitted that he'd had a girlfriend at the time we slept together and that was part of the reason why he was always so elusive. I feel really crestfallen and disappointed. I feel so shit about the fact someone used me to cheat and I didn't even have a say in the matter. I just don't really know what to make of it all...
The worst part is he's now ghosting me again so I can't even find out what the situation was with his girlfriend and why he cheated. "
Just message him and say At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
You think I'd crumble?
You think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey |
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