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Life advice?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this. |
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Sorry you’re going through that  is there a reason she’s lost the sex drive? Have you spoke together about it? Are you on here to meet people together or to meet separately, I’ve never thought of meeting another woman as a solution to that sort of problem but I’m extremely new to this so may be equally naive so far lol. Hope you get some helpful replies x |
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"Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this. "
Mate, tried to reply privately, but couldn’t, google Rollo Tomassi, or google Rian Stone, he’s great for married guys in your “dead bedroom” situation.
Some of the stuff they talk about can be hard to hear at first, but it’ll make you better off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this. "
lad its always good to talk never keep it bottled up take it from someone who knows. A good friend had to pull me back from that edge trust your friends and talk to them  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me "
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry you’re going through that is there a reason she’s lost the sex drive? Have you spoke together about it? Are you on here to meet people together or to meet separately, I’ve never thought of meeting another woman as a solution to that sort of problem but I’m extremely new to this so may be equally naive so far lol. Hope you get some helpful replies x"
Ironically enough, the contraception caused her to lose it. I asked if she had any fantasies and she said a woman so I was all for it as long as shes happy, I'm content haha.
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I hope it works out for you both even speaking about the things that me and my partner want to do (currently F talking) has really spiced things up with us so I hope it does the same for you, contraception does the same to me sometimes, recently I contemplated stopping it but it’s kind of evened out at the min.. for now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hope it works out for you both even speaking about the things that me and my partner want to do (currently F talking) has really spiced things up with us so I hope it does the same for you, contraception does the same to me sometimes, recently I contemplated stopping it but it’s kind of evened out at the min.. for now "
Cheers for that, we do talk about everything together. Just doesnt help that my sex drive hasnt calmed down in the 12 years together haha. She's very attractive so kinda hard not to be turned on constantly haha |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I hope it works out for you both even speaking about the things that me and my partner want to do (currently F talking) has really spiced things up with us so I hope it does the same for you, contraception does the same to me sometimes, recently I contemplated stopping it but it’s kind of evened out at the min.. for now
Cheers for that, we do talk about everything together. Just doesnt help that my sex drive hasnt calmed down in the 12 years together haha. She's very attractive so kinda hard not to be turned on constantly haha"
Why Haha every time |
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"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
"
OP, I hope you're feeling better with some of the advice offered (not the above comment mind you, very unhelpful & slightly accusatory in tone. But you answered it eloquently.)
Lots of folk on here are happy to chat when someone is having a hard time. Day or night. Keep talking & be kind to yourself. Life is hard at times.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
OP, I hope you're feeling better with some of the advice offered (not the above comment mind you, very unhelpful & slightly accusatory in tone. But you answered it eloquently.)
Lots of folk on here are happy to chat when someone is having a hard time. Day or night. Keep talking & be kind to yourself. Life is hard at times. "
Thank you very much. Just feels a little intimidating sometimes too, but hey I'll keep talking if people will listen. It's nice to have people actually talking right now though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this. "
My heart goes out to you with the Contraception issue. This happened to me some years ago when I was on the pill, it worked 2 fold in that it killed your sex drive anyway. It was a big relief when I had the coil fitted and I never looked back. Please talk to your Partner about looking into having just a plain coil fitted without any hormone material added. My daughter as young as she was at 19 having had the same disastrous time as me on the pill, had the plain coil fitted with no hormone added to mess her body up and never looked back. I really wish you well on this and hope you and she can perhaps look into the Club scene together as equals in both your urges xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this.
My heart goes out to you with the Contraception issue. This happened to me some years ago when I was on the pill, it worked 2 fold in that it killed your sex drive anyway. It was a big relief when I had the coil fitted and I never looked back. Please talk to your Partner about looking into having just a plain coil fitted without any hormone material added. My daughter as young as she was at 19 having had the same disastrous time as me on the pill, had the plain coil fitted with no hormone added to mess her body up and never looked back. I really wish you well on this and hope you and she can perhaps look into the Club scene together as equals in both your urges xx"
Thank you very much for the insight, I'm certain she an implant but she says it definitely messes with her hormones, she's looking into others but life has just been so hectic for the longest time. I hope we can pull through it too. We've spoken about clubs a few times but we don't feel ready yet. |
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"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
OP, I hope you're feeling better with some of the advice offered (not the above comment mind you, very unhelpful & slightly accusatory in tone. But you answered it eloquently.)
Lots of folk on here are happy to chat when someone is having a hard time. Day or night. Keep talking & be kind to yourself. Life is hard at times.
Thank you very much. Just feels a little intimidating sometimes too, but hey I'll keep talking if people will listen. It's nice to have people actually talking right now though"
Don't ever be intimidated - we're all human & have our own issues, so we're full of helpful advice. And if we can't offer any advice, we'll just talk shite & gently rib you til you forget your issues!
Hope you and your partner can work things out. You're talking about it, which is brilliant.
I'm assuming your wife is a similar age to you, so the drop in libido is unlikely to be menopause based, but it could still be hormone related. Maybe a visit to the doc for a blood test? Could be something as simple as underactive thyroid or vitamin D deficiency.
Best of luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
OP, I hope you're feeling better with some of the advice offered (not the above comment mind you, very unhelpful & slightly accusatory in tone. But you answered it eloquently.)
Lots of folk on here are happy to chat when someone is having a hard time. Day or night. Keep talking & be kind to yourself. Life is hard at times.
Thank you very much. Just feels a little intimidating sometimes too, but hey I'll keep talking if people will listen. It's nice to have people actually talking right now though
Don't ever be intimidated - we're all human & have our own issues, so we're full of helpful advice. And if we can't offer any advice, we'll just talk shite & gently rib you til you forget your issues!
Hope you and your partner can work things out. You're talking about it, which is brilliant.
I'm assuming your wife is a similar age to you, so the drop in libido is unlikely to be menopause based, but it could still be hormone related. Maybe a visit to the doc for a blood test? Could be something as simple as underactive thyroid or vitamin D deficiency.
Best of luck xx"
Thank you. Yes shes 32 same as me, never thought of thyroid or vitamin deficiency. She's been worried about premature menopause, her friend from work told her she went through it in her late 30s |
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"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
OP, I hope you're feeling better with some of the advice offered (not the above comment mind you, very unhelpful & slightly accusatory in tone. But you answered it eloquently.)
Lots of folk on here are happy to chat when someone is having a hard time. Day or night. Keep talking & be kind to yourself. Life is hard at times.
Thank you very much. Just feels a little intimidating sometimes too, but hey I'll keep talking if people will listen. It's nice to have people actually talking right now though
Don't ever be intimidated - we're all human & have our own issues, so we're full of helpful advice. And if we can't offer any advice, we'll just talk shite & gently rib you til you forget your issues!
Hope you and your partner can work things out. You're talking about it, which is brilliant.
I'm assuming your wife is a similar age to you, so the drop in libido is unlikely to be menopause based, but it could still be hormone related. Maybe a visit to the doc for a blood test? Could be something as simple as underactive thyroid or vitamin D deficiency.
Best of luck xx
Thank you. Yes shes 32 same as me, never thought of thyroid or vitamin deficiency. She's been worried about premature menopause, her friend from work told her she went through it in her late 30s"
Both are very common & symptoms can include loss of libido. Simple blood test will rule them out. It can also rule out early onset menopause, too. Once they're ruled out, it takes the worry away. But definitely a chat with the doc will sort out any physical issues (maybe due to the contraception, too). Xx
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
OP, I hope you're feeling better with some of the advice offered (not the above comment mind you, very unhelpful & slightly accusatory in tone. But you answered it eloquently.)
Lots of folk on here are happy to chat when someone is having a hard time. Day or night. Keep talking & be kind to yourself. Life is hard at times.
Thank you very much. Just feels a little intimidating sometimes too, but hey I'll keep talking if people will listen. It's nice to have people actually talking right now though
Don't ever be intimidated - we're all human & have our own issues, so we're full of helpful advice. And if we can't offer any advice, we'll just talk shite & gently rib you til you forget your issues!
Hope you and your partner can work things out. You're talking about it, which is brilliant.
I'm assuming your wife is a similar age to you, so the drop in libido is unlikely to be menopause based, but it could still be hormone related. Maybe a visit to the doc for a blood test? Could be something as simple as underactive thyroid or vitamin D deficiency.
Best of luck xx
Thank you. Yes shes 32 same as me, never thought of thyroid or vitamin deficiency. She's been worried about premature menopause, her friend from work told her she went through it in her late 30s
Both are very common & symptoms can include loss of libido. Simple blood test will rule them out. It can also rule out early onset menopause, too. Once they're ruled out, it takes the worry away. But definitely a chat with the doc will sort out any physical issues (maybe due to the contraception, too). Xx
"
Cheers, we'll get right on it. Anything to alleviate as much worry as possible. Thank you everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this.
My heart goes out to you with the Contraception issue. This happened to me some years ago when I was on the pill, it worked 2 fold in that it killed your sex drive anyway. It was a big relief when I had the coil fitted and I never looked back. Please talk to your Partner about looking into having just a plain coil fitted without any hormone material added. My daughter as young as she was at 19 having had the same disastrous time as me on the pill, had the plain coil fitted with no hormone added to mess her body up and never looked back. I really wish you well on this and hope you and she can perhaps look into the Club scene together as equals in both your urges xx"
I actually second this, since being single and not needing contraception my sex drive has gone through the roof  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Life has been real hard recently, though i know it has for all of us. My partner lost her sex drive a few years ago and whilst we are still very much in love, i fear the lack of intimacy is killing our relationship. When we met we were at it 7 times a night now its maybe once a month, we have been together 12 years and have 2 kids, I'm still as attracted to her now as i was then. We decided to join here as she didnt feel it was fair... (and also met a woman). We feel clubs are a little intimidating right now but we'd love to try at some point. I honestly dont know why im posting here but thought maybe somebody can help me feel better. I lost my best friend in February so ive been in a very dark place for a while and now makes me realise how much i want to enjoy life whislt we can. Hopefully we can meet up with some new people to help open our eyes to a new better world. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this.
My heart goes out to you with the Contraception issue. This happened to me some years ago when I was on the pill, it worked 2 fold in that it killed your sex drive anyway. It was a big relief when I had the coil fitted and I never looked back. Please talk to your Partner about looking into having just a plain coil fitted without any hormone material added. My daughter as young as she was at 19 having had the same disastrous time as me on the pill, had the plain coil fitted with no hormone added to mess her body up and never looked back. I really wish you well on this and hope you and she can perhaps look into the Club scene together as equals in both your urges xx
I actually second this, since being single and not needing contraception my sex drive has gone through the roof "
Hmm I'll take that into consideration, thank you. We've been talking about changing it for a while but life constantly gets in the way, hopefully we can sort it out sooner rather than later |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry you’re going through that is there a reason she’s lost the sex drive? Have you spoke together about it? Are you on here to meet people together or to meet separately, I’ve never thought of meeting another woman as a solution to that sort of problem but I’m extremely new to this so may be equally naive so far lol. Hope you get some helpful replies x
Ironically enough, the contraception caused her to lose it. I asked if she had any fantasies and she said a woman so I was all for it as long as shes happy, I'm content haha.
"
She could go to her doctor and change contraception? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always somebody on a much worse situation. Take it from me
I have thought this to myself on a daily basis haha but ive been told not to belittle my own issues. Obviously I understand everyone has bad times, the problem is the damn length of that time. Something gets better with time, others not so much.
"
Your feelings are absolutely valid, and it doesn’t make any difference if others have it worse than you, your feelings are still important.
Is she supplementing with anything, magnesium, vitamin D, vitamin B, ashwaganda?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say the issue is because of contraception, and that it is killing your relationship. But then you say life prevents you from going to the doctors to change the contraception, which could easily fix it.
Seems an odd way of prioritising? Surely you could have booked a doctors appointment in the time it's taken you to create and respond to this thread? |
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First of all i want to commend you and your wife for talking this issue through and looking for a solution. There are many men on here who feel they can't have that conversation so are here without their SOs permission.
Next as others have said its a trip to the doctors to see if there are health reasons behind the loss of libido.
As for your loss, i lost my dad recently and its tough. I did get some therapy and it did help. Also taking time to feel your emotions when they hit and having a jolly good cry really helps. Yes men can cry.
Best of luck to you both. |
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