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Modesty and self confidence
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Kind of a follow on from charm and smarm.
Do you believe you can be modest, a little humble even, but also absolutely full of self-belief?
Personally I do. Self-possession has nothing to do do with self-inflating arrogance. It's I've got this, I can do it, without having to let everyone else know how much you've got it. |
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I've always been modest and never had any self confidence.
I've only discovered confidence in the last 6 or 7 years but I'm not totally filled with self belief.
I know I can do things but I also know I can't do things as well as someone else.
I'm not like a child in a toy shop with the whole I'm more confident thing but I'm in control of it and I've never felt the need to be arrogant about anything.
Therefore I've found a balance between self confidence and modesty. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've always been modest and never had any self confidence.
I've only discovered confidence in the last 6 or 7 years but I'm not totally filled with self belief.
I know I can do things but I also know I can't do things as well as someone else.
I'm not like a child in a toy shop with the whole I'm more confident thing but I'm in control of it and I've never felt the need to be arrogant about anything.
Therefore I've found a balance between self confidence and modesty. "
I think I get what you mean. I'm maybe lucky in that I'm naturally fairly chatty and can get on with people easily, and also quick on the uptake and can perform most things asked of me to at least a pretty competent level. I mean I'm not a brain surgeon or rocket scientist but I can easily manage things that require literacy, numeracy, logic, organisation, IT skills, multitasking and all that bollocks. I can handle personal and professional life to a level that makes me appear competent in other words. I don't think that makes me a superbeing or superior to others because I know other people often have more focussed and less rounded strengths than me, they're more specialists than allrounders. |
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"I love me. I love who I am and I'm very happy with who I am.
Doesn't mean I'm an arrogant self absorbed twat though "
2nd thumbs up. I'm happy in my body and sharing it but I'm not going to presume any lady will just jump me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have both body confidence and no body. I don’t mind men seeing my body (unless they are in better shape than me!) but I cannot cope with women seeing me naked AT ALL. It makes me shudder that they can see the bits that I hate, I don’t think men notice these bits but I think women do  |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I am a sexual confident and very happy woman not through anyone else’s doing but my own. I don’t seek validation or strive to be liked by everyone but I certainly ain’t up my own arse, I make no apologies for being content with who and what I am x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely and quiet confidence is a very attractive quality. I actually don’t mind people who big themselves up if they do it with humour but generally I get on best with the more modest types, especially if they actually have a lot to boast about. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hang on, this wasn't a post about sexual confidence (although I can see why people might think it was given where we are). Purely everyday can-do, don't make a fucking song and dance about it confidence. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I'm not sure this is going to make sense because it's rather late but one person's modest is another's lack of modesty. Also, there's a certain irony in proclaiming yourself modest in a modest manner.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"is proclaiming your modesty modest?"
In all honesty, of course it isn't. But this is a forum where the inner mental life is discussed, not the realities of how we actually behave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hang on, this wasn't a post about sexual confidence (although I can see why people might think it was given where we are). Purely everyday can-do, don't make a fucking song and dance about it confidence. "
Ohhh well if we are talking about every day confidence then yeah, I have that and a small amount of modesty with it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure this is going to make sense because it's rather late but one person's modest is another's lack of modesty. Also, there's a certain irony in proclaiming yourself modest in a modest manner. "
See reply above. |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
"I have both body confidence and no body. I don’t mind men seeing my body (unless they are in better shape than me!) but I cannot cope with women seeing me naked AT ALL. It makes me shudder that they can see the bits that I hate, I don’t think men notice these bits but I think women do "
Do you think other women are really critical of each others bodies on here? I wouldn't have thought so but could be wrong. There is such an eclectic mix of people on here I would have thought it would be rare. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure this is going to make sense because it's rather late but one person's modest is another's lack of modesty. Also, there's a certain irony in proclaiming yourself modest in a modest manner. "
It makes sense, I’d call that false modesty though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm, Modesty. Where does it come from?
It comes from being a person that respects. A person that is kind. A person that thinks of other as well as themselves.
That person will not only be modest but self confident as well.
Most people do not like themselves for some reason.
The ones that don't feel that way are the arrogant, conceded and are full of themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always been modest and never had any self confidence.
I've only discovered confidence in the last 6 or 7 years but I'm not totally filled with self belief.
I know I can do things but I also know I can't do things as well as someone else.
I'm not like a child in a toy shop with the whole I'm more confident thing but I'm in control of it and I've never felt the need to be arrogant about anything.
Therefore I've found a balance between self confidence and modesty. "
I m exactly the same and as a result lack confidence. This is probably the reason why I have a problem in chatting and ultimately meeting ladies and couples  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure this is going to make sense because it's rather late but one person's modest is another's lack of modesty. Also, there's a certain irony in proclaiming yourself modest in a modest manner.
See reply above. "
Ah apologies OP, I was typing mine as Nice posted theirs.
I think it's possible to have a quiet self confidence and belief, coupled with modesty yes. Rare though. You can be aware of and not fall victim of the Dunning-Kruger effect and that in itself is a sort of modesty, being aware of your own limitations and not believing yourself to be superior.
I do think it's rare though, the majority of us, whether rightly or wrongly, are out and out proud of something we accomplish, a skill, a talent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmm, Modesty. Where does it come from?
It comes from being a person that respects. A person that is kind. A person that thinks of other as well as themselves.
That person will not only be modest but self confident as well.
Most people do not like themselves for some reason.
The ones that don't feel that way are the arrogant, conceded and are full of themselves."
People can like themselves without being arrogant, conceited or full of themselves |
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"Hmm, Modesty. Where does it come from?
It comes from being a person that respects. A person that is kind. A person that thinks of other as well as themselves.
That person will not only be modest but self confident as well.
Most people do not like themselves for some reason.
The ones that don't feel that way are the arrogant, conceded and are full of themselves."
I disagree with part of this. Thinking of others and being kind certainly contributes to being modest but it also contributes greatly to having little or no self confidence because you are often putting others first.
This has been my experience and that of many others I have chatted to just on this site.
My new found self confidence came from learning how to say no and putting myself first for once. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have both body confidence and no body. I don’t mind men seeing my body (unless they are in better shape than me!) but I cannot cope with women seeing me naked AT ALL. It makes me shudder that they can see the bits that I hate, I don’t think men notice these bits but I think women do
Do you think other women are really critical of each others bodies on here? I wouldn't have thought so but could be wrong. There is such an eclectic mix of people on here I would have thought it would be rare. "
I don’t mean on here. I mean generally. Getting changed in front of others etc |
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Many of these traits appear to exist on continuua.
Behavioural choices, on the other hand, are different from personality facets, even though they may be influenced by them.
Someone could have high self-esteem, confidence, belief and more but have limited skills that limit their assertiveness and possibly other personality factors that restrict them, including beliefs about what is appropriate, or even other personality aspects.
People aren't always as simple as we'd like to be |
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