FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Treat em mean, keep em keen
Treat em mean, keep em keen
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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No. I mean sure, it might work if you're young and impressionable and kind of naive but no. People like knowing where they stand. What's wrong with being openly keen? It's flattering. Being comfortable with your feelings is far cooler than being a twat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've posted a couple of forum posts in the past about how I'm convinced women rather go for the cigarette smoking, leather clad, bad boy motorcyclist type so I'd say if it doesn't why do women go for them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would appear so with a lot of people but I do not have it in me to do it to. I think it also shows a weakness in yourself if you have to do that in order to keep interest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I mean sure, it might work if you're young and impressionable and kind of naive but no. People like knowing where they stand. What's wrong with being openly keen? It's flattering. Being comfortable with your feelings is far cooler than being a twat."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't do that if I tried,I was brought up to respect ladies,have manners ,be kind,it's ingrained and I like making people smile,so I just couldn't do it,I'd be a crap Dom,as I'd probably keep apologising ?????????????? |
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By *olmateMan
over a year ago
west mids |
"No. I mean sure, it might work if you're young and impressionable and kind of naive but no. People like knowing where they stand. What's wrong with being openly keen? It's flattering. Being comfortable with your feelings is far cooler than being a twat."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm actually convinced men like someone who treats them mean! I don't think being nice and available is sexy"
Really? 
I couldn't be dealing with a women going all Medusa on me. Nadda! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm actually convinced men like someone who treats them mean! I don't think being nice and available is sexy"
That's true. I have been there myself when I was young. Playing hard to get used to get me going. Same for some other guys I knew too. But at some point in our lives, we realised how stupid it was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an interesting one because I don't mind a bit of sass my way, as long as they can take it as well as dishing it out. It's a fun dynamic and something different from the usual small talk |
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When I was younger and better looking I was a right old player who probably subscribed to that theory.
Once you get that reputation and those sort of dalliances dry up it becomes very hard to shake that reputation off even as an older adult. I have worked very hard to become a better person and not take things for granted with the occasional slip over the years that really cost me.
I subscribe to just being nice now and if I miss out on a quick shag then I will get by. |
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"Does this actually ever work? "
Unfortunately, yes. Until you trigger something else. Anxiety is the route of desire for both men and women... ever wanted something you can't have? When done correctly in a push and pull way it can feel exciting or rewarding. However, these techniques can also lead to a toxic or abusive behaviour, it can really fuck with someone's mental health too. |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
It's like something from past movies though isn't it?
Unless it's your kink and you're agreed. Ugh no.
To consciously treat someone mean in order to manipulate their feelings..its majorly creepy to me and just demonstrates a personality deficit.
I can't be arsed with games.. Unless we're all in on the rules.
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
Years ago had couple friends who were like that. On at least one time, different nights . I can remember each arranged a date with two females on same night at same place. Was large “disco” held about 1500. Reason I know on each time both at one point left me with one date to go see other in venue. Their attitude was females would put up with being let down .Yet not often did either of them not have a date or pick up female on night out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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why do some many women go back to a man who treats them like shit.
you see it all the time, he may even beat her yet she will not want a guy who can provide and look after her.
shes into that dangerous type who does things on his terms only.
there is something attractive about the bad boy. in movies or soaps women love the nasty type whos a little edgy bordering violent.
in sports champions are brutal and only ever think of umber one and will fuck over anyone to get there.
same with business, you dont get C level jobs being mr nice on the shop floor. you get them by being a cunt and making hard decision and moving people on.
do i like it? no. but the evidence is out there. to be successful and make serious money. be a cunt.
I refuse to argue or discuss my input to this thread with any of you |
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I think when you're younger and you're playing games and all that nonsense it can work. I've definitely seen women falling over themselves for some absolute shits.
However once you reach a certain age, you just go after what you want with no games and ridiculousness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find when I’m genuinely not interested it’s seems to make them keen then I am interested, I lose my cool a little and find it hard just being myself
Without thinking first. So annoying |
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I also think that some people want what it appears they can't have so the less interested a person seems or the nastier they are the more they crave their attention.
Beats me why anybody would waste their energy on a person like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it was ever a case of treating them mean to keep them keen
Was more a case of don't show feelings, and that was seen as treating them mean which had the effect of keeping them keen, keeping them keen was never the idea though |
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"I HATE this.
My ex used to say “treat them mean, keep them keen” as his excuse for his shitty behaviour.
It’s gaslighting and downright manipulation. "
Men who need to feel superior do this. There's a difference between being an alpha and a dick |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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But isn't it more about being slightly unavailable, being a bit hard to get, almost like a prize you have to win? I don't really subscribe to this as i know when I like someone, I want to be available!
Not so much equating the term "treating them mean" to being cheated on etc.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But isn't it more about being slightly unavailable, being a bit hard to get, almost like a prize you have to win? I don't really subscribe to this as i know when I like someone, I want to be available!
Not so much equating the term "treating them mean" to being cheated on etc...."
Perhaps keeping you on your toes, rather than treating you mean? I get it. A bit of a tease for a while is fun, but after a short time, it’s boring isn’t it ha! Would you prefer to be desired or kept on your toes? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But isn't it more about being slightly unavailable, being a bit hard to get, almost like a prize you have to win? I don't really subscribe to this as i know when I like someone, I want to be available!
Not so much equating the term "treating them mean" to being cheated on etc....
Perhaps keeping you on your toes, rather than treating you mean? I get it. A bit of a tease for a while is fun, but after a short time, it’s boring isn’t it ha! Would you prefer to be desired or kept on your toes?"
Definitely desired but I wonder if men like being kept on their toes "hides under blanket" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But isn't it more about being slightly unavailable, being a bit hard to get, almost like a prize you have to win? I don't really subscribe to this as i know when I like someone, I want to be available!
Not so much equating the term "treating them mean" to being cheated on etc....
Perhaps keeping you on your toes, rather than treating you mean? I get it. A bit of a tease for a while is fun, but after a short time, it’s boring isn’t it ha! Would you prefer to be desired or kept on your toes?
Definitely desired but I wonder if men like being kept on their toes "hides under blanket""
 I don’t know but, I guess we’ll find out x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I mean if someone treats me like shit, I’m gonna Fuck them off…
But I think there’s a pull and push technique that keeps people kinda hooked.
I’ve had a few who kinda pulled back a bit and that totally made me think about them all of the fucking time wondering why they are pulling back and wanting them even more… it’s weird
Also there’s something about being overly available…
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But isn't it more about being slightly unavailable, being a bit hard to get, almost like a prize you have to win? I don't really subscribe to this as i know when I like someone, I want to be available!
Not so much equating the term "treating them mean" to being cheated on etc...."
Yeah pretty much what I was saying. It isn’t treating someone like garbage on purpose
But more like being hard to get.
Drives me insane but at the same time, it works with me tho… |
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One thing I’ve learned over the years is to never value what a woman says more than what her actions says.
And with that, I can happily say that treat them mean keep them keen works for the vast majority of women
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nah, not for me at all. However, most women I know seem to be in relationships like that. I don't know how they do it, I can't think of anything worse. I'd tell them to fuck right off.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No no no no no, women are the source of most feeling of joy and pleasure ( also sorrow sometimes )
Nothing gets your mind and emotions going like a woman can and should always be treated with adoration and feelings of desire, never ever treat a woman mean. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No no no no no, women are the source of most feeling of joy and pleasure ( also sorrow sometimes )
Nothing gets your mind and emotions going like a woman can and should always be treated with adoration and feelings of desire, never ever treat a woman mean."
Works both ways too  |
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"One thing I’ve learned over the years is to never value what a woman says more than what her actions says.
And with that, I can happily say that treat them mean keep them keen works for the vast majority of women
"
That might be a self fulfilling prophecy in that you go for and are attractive to women who for one reason or another believe treating a woman badly is a masculine trait.
By the same token I know men who believe that nagging and deliberately making his life miserable are feminine traits |
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"But isn't it more about being slightly unavailable, being a bit hard to get, almost like a prize you have to win? I don't really subscribe to this as i know when I like someone, I want to be available!
Not so much equating the term "treating them mean" to being cheated on etc....
Perhaps keeping you on your toes, rather than treating you mean? I get it. A bit of a tease for a while is fun, but after a short time, it’s boring isn’t it ha! Would you prefer to be desired or kept on your toes?"
Yeah that's how I see it. I cannot be doing with "strategic" approaches to relationships. I grew out of that when I was a teenager |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No no no no no, women are the source of most feeling of joy and pleasure ( also sorrow sometimes )
Nothing gets your mind and emotions going like a woman can and should always be treated with adoration and feelings of desire, never ever treat a woman mean.
Works both ways too "
And there she is, will 100% be coming to explore the bat cave at some point  |
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"I mean if someone treats me like shit, I’m gonna Fuck them off…
But I think there’s a pull and push technique that keeps people kinda hooked.
I’ve had a few who kinda pulled back a bit and that totally made me think about them all of the fucking time wondering why they are pulling back and wanting them even more… it’s weird
Also there’s something about being overly available…
"
Yes that last bit I get..When your life situation changes and you suddenly become single and available it does seem to be off putting for some , but there's noubt can be done about it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No no no no no, women are the source of most feeling of joy and pleasure ( also sorrow sometimes )
Nothing gets your mind and emotions going like a woman can and should always be treated with adoration and feelings of desire, never ever treat a woman mean.
Works both ways too
And there she is, will 100% be coming to explore the bat cave at some point "
I best get it swept out then haha don't want you getting caught up in cobwebs  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doesn't work for me, I like to be treated nicely. Even if he's got me by the throat in sex, I still want to look into his face and see a cheeky wink that tells me he's looking after me. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Doesn't work for me, I like to be treated nicely. Even if he's got me by the throat in sex, I still want to look into his face and see a cheeky wink that tells me he's looking after me."
Oh Kitty. Nail on the head! |
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Treat me mean and that'll be the last you ever see of me.
There are a lot of people in the world you can find to spend your time with and nothing feels as good as someone who looks forward to seeing you and spending time being happy when you do.
What's the point of spending time with anyone and being pissed off when they don't treat you how you treat them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn't work for me, I like to be treated nicely. Even if he's got me by the throat in sex, I still want to look into his face and see a cheeky wink that tells me he's looking after me."
Perfectly put Kitty! |
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No.
What a lovely little catchy rhyme that hides it's meaning behind a funny punny
Put it into other words.......
Be cruel not kind to people who find you attractive. This will give you control and make them more interested in you and they will come again for you to be cruel and not kind to.
Really ?
Fuck that.
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"I've posted a couple of forum posts in the past about how I'm convinced women rather go for the cigarette smoking, leather clad, bad boy motorcyclist type so I'd say if it doesn't why do women go for them?"
A cigarette smoking, leather clad, bad boy motorcyclist isn't necessarily mean.
Women may choose a 'bad boy' type for sex or even maybe for partners but NOT if that person is mean to them.
I'd say the only people who enjoy being treated badly are those who are psychologically predisposed to being humiliated / subjugated / controlled /servile etc.......
Others may use the word to mean they enjoy bdsm.
In the ordinary sense if someone feels treated 'meanly' they won't stick around long. |
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"Treat me mean and that'll be the last you ever see of me.
There are a lot of people in the world you can find to spend your time with and nothing feels as good as someone who looks forward to seeing you and spending time being happy when you do.
What's the point of spending time with anyone and being pissed off when they don't treat you how you treat them? "
. This. All sounds like games to me all that. Noooooo thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No no no no no, women are the source of most feeling of joy and pleasure ( also sorrow sometimes )
Nothing gets your mind and emotions going like a woman can and should always be treated with adoration and feelings of desire, never ever treat a woman mean.
Works both ways too
And there she is, will 100% be coming to explore the bat cave at some point
I best get it swept out then haha don't want you getting caught up in cobwebs "
Its okay, I will eat it out myself.
No worries there, make sure I get to the back of every crevice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No no no no no, women are the source of most feeling of joy and pleasure ( also sorrow sometimes )
Nothing gets your mind and emotions going like a woman can and should always be treated with adoration and feelings of desire, never ever treat a woman mean.
Works both ways too
And there she is, will 100% be coming to explore the bat cave at some point
I best get it swept out then haha don't want you getting caught up in cobwebs
Its okay, I will eat it out myself.
No worries there, make sure I get to the back of every crevice. "
Haha the old Freudian slip.
Supposed to say clean it out myself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I’d never treat someone I care for like that, I mean a lady doesn’t want a doormat but she doesn’t need a bully either. A man should make a woman feel confident while offering her the safety of you. She should feel like she’s the only person in your thoughts the moment you’re with her, and that when you’re apart she’s the only person in your thoughts. If you’re not making her feel special every chance you have. Your doing it wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer nice cuddles, but maybe I'm old fashioned.
No that’s the right way CG.
Group hug then.
Put your blaster away first
Its only set to stun. 
 "
Can I get in on this group hug please? |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I don’t have time for that pish!
Treat people how you would expect to be treated, I’m either into you or I’m not, mind games will not change that for me in fact it put me off! I’m to straight up for that kind of behaviour I find it tedious x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer nice cuddles, but maybe I'm old fashioned.
No that’s the right way CG.
Group hug then.
Put your blaster away first
Its only set to stun.
Can I get in on this group hug please? "
Of course x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer nice cuddles, but maybe I'm old fashioned.
No that’s the right way CG.
Group hug then.
Put your blaster away first
Its only set to stun.
Can I get in on this group hug please?
Of course x "
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"I prefer nice cuddles, but maybe I'm old fashioned.
No that’s the right way CG.
Group hug then.
Put your blaster away first
Its only set to stun.
Can I get in on this group hug please? "
It wouldn't be the same without you. |
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"I HATE this.
My ex used to say “treat them mean, keep them keen” as his excuse for his shitty behaviour.
It’s gaslighting and downright manipulation. "
Truth.
Been there, cried the tears and bare the scars. |
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"No I’d never treat someone I care for like that, I mean a lady doesn’t want a doormat but she doesn’t need a bully either. A man should make a woman feel confident while offering her the safety of you. She should feel like she’s the only person in your thoughts the moment you’re with her, and that when you’re apart she’s the only person in your thoughts. If you’re not making her feel special every chance you have. Your doing it wrong "
And thats where some of the confusion can come from with swinging, when you're made to feel you're the only person in their thoughts to discover you really ain't, and while you've been swooning they've been planning their next only person they think about and peeps get hurt. |
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