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Fake dominants
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"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "agreed, it takes a lot more to gain trust and respect before you can ask for that honour | |||
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"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "I know a lion tamer if you’re interested..?  | |||
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"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "absolutely! Just because they watched 50 shades with their ex   | |||
"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "Oh my gosh. Nail on head! So many with all the gear and no idea…. Ridiculous. | |||
"Very very VERY easy to spot a wannabe: 1. Respect and submission should be earned, not expected. 2. If he sounds like a dick - he is a dick. Not a Dom. It's really as simple as that. Oh and anyone who calls themselves Mr grey or calls you any derogatory names before they've met you - they're not Doms. " 
Perhaps they were a "Twu Dom" | |||
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"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "Yes! | |||
"It just makes me mad as some subs with less or no experience will take that as how it is...like earlier someone tried it with me and when I stopped him he was like I said I'm a dom and want to talk so I thought we were role playing...how did he get to that from a basic hello...I don't know there's just been so many lately and it's becoming tiresome, thanks for all your replies guys xx" It's just because most men will assume that just because you replied - you automatically want to have sex with them. Especially newbies. There's thousands of people on here with that mentality. | |||
"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol absolutely! Just because they watched 50 shades with their ex "What does it make me if I slept through it? | |||
"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "I learnt how to be Dom from a sub, very enlightening experience and one that I treasure. | |||
"Very very VERY easy to spot a wannabe: 1. Respect and submission should be earned, not expected. 2. If he sounds like a dick - he is a dick. Not a Dom. It's really as simple as that. Oh and anyone who calls themselves Mr grey or calls you any derogatory names before they've met you - they're not Doms. " Spot on | |||
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"Sadly there are people who will misrepresent their skills or experience in all walks of life. You could always signpost them to places where they can learn or educate themselves. " Oh but apparently a real Dom doesn’t need to educate themselves, so I was told last week
There’s loads of wannabes on here, but with a few careful questions, you can usually we*d them out. | |||
"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol absolutely! Just because they watched 50 shades with their ex
What does it make me if I slept through it? "A normal bloke ! | |||
"It's a nightmare on here for fake doms messages I get are down right disrespectful yes I'm a sub but in no way will I call you sir or daddy till its earned alot of men see subs as weak " Right on Point | |||
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"50 shades has alot to answer for, being a dom isnt easy, and takes a special person, just being bossy doesnt cut it, i always say a real dom has been a sub first" Absolutely agree with all of this. | |||
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"50 shades has alot to answer for, being a dom isnt easy, and takes a special person, just being bossy doesnt cut it, i always say a real dom has been a sub first" While I agree with much of that - I have to disagree that "a real dom has been a sub first". What constitutes a "real dom"? Putting aside those with a lack of knowledge or understanding, or who think it's simply a case of being bossy and taking what they want (and even that is open to individual dynamics and agreement between all involved), you'll get as many definitions of what a "real" dominant is as people answering, and many who will disagree with another's definition. I'd also disagree that a dominant necessarily has to have been a submissive first, some people are naturally dominant and don't have a submissive bone in their body, and even if they "tried" submission wouldn't take anything away from it or truly have submitted to get that understanding. It doesn't make them any less dominant though. Sure some excellent dominants have come to be through submission, but again it's not an indication of being any more "real". D/s is a very individual thing, and the only indication of being a "real" or "true" dominant or submissive is that defined by two (or more) individuals who are sufficiently knowledgeable to be able to provide consent and have mutually agreed what it means to them. | |||
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"50 shades has alot to answer for, being a dom isnt easy, and takes a special person, just being bossy doesnt cut it, i always say a real dom has been a sub first While I agree with much of that - I have to disagree that "a real dom has been a sub first". What constitutes a "real dom"? Putting aside those with a lack of knowledge or understanding, or who think it's simply a case of being bossy and taking what they want (and even that is open to individual dynamics and agreement between all involved), you'll get as many definitions of what a "real" dominant is as people answering, and many who will disagree with another's definition. I'd also disagree that a dominant necessarily has to have been a submissive first, some people are naturally dominant and don't have a submissive bone in their body, and even if they "tried" submission wouldn't take anything away from it or truly have submitted to get that understanding. It doesn't make them any less dominant though. Sure some excellent dominants have come to be through submission, but again it's not an indication of being any more "real". D/s is a very individual thing, and the only indication of being a "real" or "true" dominant or submissive is that defined by two (or more) individuals who are sufficiently knowledgeable to be able to provide consent and have mutually agreed what it means to them." 100%. This! So true! Each D/s “relationship” is completely unique and individual. Applying a one size fits all rule to this doesn’t work! | |||
"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "Then they're easy to spot! Just like fake subs: saying what they're going to do to me for example. | |||
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"My feeling about it, is it very much depends on how we advertise ourselves on fab as. When I've had more D/s content I've had more of those kind of messages. And it's kind of to be expected, if that's all they see is sub well that is where the conversation is going to lead. My personal experience is that the Dom's and subs find me, through interaction on the forum or from chatting a bit and it becomes apparent and we get chatting. I think as subs we can be more proactive in finding the kind of Dom's we'd like to meet. " Definitely agree xx | |||
"50 shades has alot to answer for, being a dom isnt easy, and takes a special person, just being bossy doesnt cut it, i always say a real dom has been a sub first" Isn’t that the base of 50 shades? The thought of taking on a submissive behaviour role makes my bones crawl. | |||
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"I’d just like the 50 shades hate to stop to be honest. All of the people I have met that got interested in the scene by reading it were women. Most of the accounts I hear about dangerous dominants revolve around the dominants experience being watching copious amounts of extreme porn. 50 shades is easy to hate because its popular, yet I never hear those same people denouncing some of the more unrealistic porn brands. " I tend to agree - whilst 50 Shades is much maligned and from all I know it isn't the best portrayal of D/s - it's not the books that are to blame, or in fact porn, or even the rise of the Internet that has made many varieties of kink more accessible - but individual people's interpretation of all those things. Personally speaking, without the Internet I probably wouldn't have come to recognise inner feelings that I'd harboured, but not recognised, for years. A chance conversation in a porn chat room changed all that and started me on a journey to where I am today. It really doesn't matter how people found their interest, it's how they then develop it, or not, that counts. If Fifty Shades, or porn, or whatever, sparks something in someone that then learns more then it has to be a good thing surely? Sadly as with anything else in life there will be people that see those things and don't then take the time to understand them better - but that's not the fault of the thing, but the individual person to a degree. | |||
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"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "Absolutely! Although I suspect many just want to be seen as alpha males and havent a clue what dom means! | |||
"I used to play with those types over messages. Tie them in knots. Easy to see they don’t have a clue when you start to question them " This and in reverse, 'subs' are questioned too...  | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes." Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests  | |||
"I used to play with those types over messages. Tie them in knots. Easy to see they don’t have a clue when you start to question them This and in reverse, 'subs' are questioned too... "Sometimes it feels like one ongoing big interview | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests "*raises hand* Yes, indeed. These men need to be put in their place. | |||
"I used to play with those types over messages. Tie them in knots. Easy to see they don’t have a clue when you start to question them This and in reverse, 'subs' are questioned too...
Sometimes it feels like one ongoing big interview "And to be honest, personally speaking, feeling like I was being asked lots of questions to understand my interpretation, whilst being given the opportunity to ask my own, would give me a level of comfort over someone who just expected me to kneel at the drop of a hat. | |||
"I’d just like the 50 shades hate to stop to be honest. All of the people I have met that got interested in the scene by reading it were women. Most of the accounts I hear about dangerous dominants revolve around the dominants experience being watching copious amounts of extreme porn. 50 shades is easy to hate because its popular, yet I never hear those same people denouncing some of the more unrealistic porn brands. " I tend to agree I don't watch casualty or some police drama and think it's a real representation of a nurses or the polices job. I watch gardeners world (I know I'm sexy as fuck) for inspiration I know I'm not Monty Don. But it's a start point for me to go look things up and learn. | |||
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"50 shades has alot to answer for, being a dom isnt easy, and takes a special person, just being bossy doesnt cut it, i always say a real dom has been a sub first While I agree with much of that - I have to disagree that "a real dom has been a sub first". What constitutes a "real dom"? Putting aside those with a lack of knowledge or understanding, or who think it's simply a case of being bossy and taking what they want (and even that is open to individual dynamics and agreement between all involved), you'll get as many definitions of what a "real" dominant is as people answering, and many who will disagree with another's definition. I'd also disagree that a dominant necessarily has to have been a submissive first, some people are naturally dominant and don't have a submissive bone in their body, and even if they "tried" submission wouldn't take anything away from it or truly have submitted to get that understanding. It doesn't make them any less dominant though. Sure some excellent dominants have come to be through submission, but again it's not an indication of being any more "real". D/s is a very individual thing, and the only indication of being a "real" or "true" dominant or submissive is that defined by two (or more) individuals who are sufficiently knowledgeable to be able to provide consent and have mutually agreed what it means to them." | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests "At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening Mr Hayes | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes "My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry. Was this man at all successful with this approach? What about consent? Why was he allowed he stay? | |||
"D/s is a very individual thing, and the only indication of being a "real" or "true" dominant or submissive is that defined by two (or more) individuals who are sufficiently knowledgeable to be able to provide consent and have mutually agreed what it means to them." Wise words. | |||
"It's a nightmare on here for fake doms messages I get are down right disrespectful yes I'm a sub but in no way will I call you sir or daddy till its earned alot of men see subs as weak " That’s because most people think rough sex is being dom | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
"All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse. Mr Hayes | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes "Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning. | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Was this man at all successful with this approach? What about consent? Why was he allowed he stay? " If anyone behaved like that at the events or clubs that I gravitate towards then he would have been out of the door after the first unwanted flick of his crop or suggestion that someone should 'provide' him with a blow job. Whilst our organisers do allow single 'gentlemen' to attend events they require that they are vouched for, in advance, by others that will be attending. They're also required to read and agree to the event / club rules which, given the above, they would have breached and would, consequently, have found themselves in the car park with no chance of ever being allowed to attend any future event. | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes
Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning. "That's just a snippet of the event, it ranged from plain wrong to uncontrollable chaos. Lots of people on this thread are blaming 50 shades, and porn etc... as much as I tend to agree in part that some responsibility lies at their feet, I can't help but ponder how many good D/s relationships hare born from these introductions. My first introductions into a kink lifestyle came when I was an early teenager staying up "an hour" after my parents went to bed and watching programs like euro trash, sexetera and sin cities, they all put a light hearted playful shine on BDSM but were also extremely informative, how many "fake" doms/dommes were born from such programmes, I dont often get involved with these discussions as it usually descends into arguments and sometimes kink shaming, I do however tend to read through them and ask myself if I'm a real dom, the answer I find I keep coming to time and time again is this, I am not A dom, I am Luna's dom and that leads me to another question of if I wasnt with luna would I still be a dom or can you only be a dom if there is a sub to dominate? Mr Hayes | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Was this man at all successful with this approach? What about consent? Why was he allowed he stay? If anyone behaved like that at the events or clubs that I gravitate towards then he would have been out of the door after the first unwanted flick of his crop or suggestion that someone should 'provide' him with a blow job. Whilst our organisers do allow single 'gentlemen' to attend events they require that they are vouched for, in advance, by others that will be attending. They're also required to read and agree to the event / club rules which, given the above, they would have breached and would, consequently, have found themselves in the car park with no chance of ever being allowed to attend any future event." He wasn't a single male, his poor sub looked embarrassed all evening, but I agree there is a code of conduct and he should have been dealt with. Mr Hayes | |||
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"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes
Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning.
That's just a snippet of the event, it ranged from plain wrong to uncontrollable chaos. Lots of people on this thread are blaming 50 shades, and porn etc... as much as I tend to agree in part that some responsibility lies at their feet, I can't help but ponder how many good D/s relationships hare born from these introductions. My first introductions into a kink lifestyle came when I was an early teenager staying up "an hour" after my parents went to bed and watching programs like euro trash, sexetera and sin cities, they all put a light hearted playful shine on BDSM but were also extremely informative, how many "fake" doms/dommes were born from such programmes, I dont often get involved with these discussions as it usually descends into arguments and sometimes kink shaming, I do however tend to read through them and ask myself if I'm a real dom, the answer I find I keep coming to time and time again is this, I am not A dom, I am Luna's dom and that leads me to another question of if I wasnt with luna would I still be a dom or can you only be a dom if there is a sub to dominate?
Mr Hayes "Euro trash was definitely what opened my eyes to it all. I'm not sure if you need to have a person in your life to qualify as being Dom or sub. I had submissive urges and needs before I was in a D/s relationship. Just being in a D/s dynamic allows me to vent then in a safe environment. But get its different for everyone. F | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes
Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning.
That's just a snippet of the event, it ranged from plain wrong to uncontrollable chaos. Lots of people on this thread are blaming 50 shades, and porn etc... as much as I tend to agree in part that some responsibility lies at their feet, I can't help but ponder how many good D/s relationships hare born from these introductions. My first introductions into a kink lifestyle came when I was an early teenager staying up "an hour" after my parents went to bed and watching programs like euro trash, sexetera and sin cities, they all put a light hearted playful shine on BDSM but were also extremely informative, how many "fake" doms/dommes were born from such programmes, I dont often get involved with these discussions as it usually descends into arguments and sometimes kink shaming, I do however tend to read through them and ask myself if I'm a real dom, the answer I find I keep coming to time and time again is this, I am not A dom, I am Luna's dom and that leads me to another question of if I wasnt with luna would I still be a dom or can you only be a dom if there is a sub to dominate?
Mr Hayes
Euro trash was definitely what opened my eyes to it all. I'm not sure if you need to have a person in your life to qualify as being Dom or sub. I had submissive urges and needs before I was in a D/s relationship. Just being in a D/s dynamic allows me to vent then in a safe environment. But get its different for everyone. F "I understand that, I just tend to over question everything especially within myself, 1 answer usually throws up 10 more questions in my head. Back to the "fake" doms I think lockdown has contributed to a recent surge as people have been looking into new things to enrich their lives, unfortunately some people dont always find the correct resources straight away and some of the "fake" doms may well become very good doms in a couple of years if they manage to seek out good guidance. Mr Hayes | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes
Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning.
That's just a snippet of the event, it ranged from plain wrong to uncontrollable chaos. Lots of people on this thread are blaming 50 shades, and porn etc... as much as I tend to agree in part that some responsibility lies at their feet, I can't help but ponder how many good D/s relationships hare born from these introductions. My first introductions into a kink lifestyle came when I was an early teenager staying up "an hour" after my parents went to bed and watching programs like euro trash, sexetera and sin cities, they all put a light hearted playful shine on BDSM but were also extremely informative, how many "fake" doms/dommes were born from such programmes, I dont often get involved with these discussions as it usually descends into arguments and sometimes kink shaming, I do however tend to read through them and ask myself if I'm a real dom, the answer I find I keep coming to time and time again is this, I am not A dom, I am Luna's dom and that leads me to another question of if I wasnt with luna would I still be a dom or can you only be a dom if there is a sub to dominate?
Mr Hayes
Euro trash was definitely what opened my eyes to it all. I'm not sure if you need to have a person in your life to qualify as being Dom or sub. I had submissive urges and needs before I was in a D/s relationship. Just being in a D/s dynamic allows me to vent then in a safe environment. But get its different for everyone. F
I understand that, I just tend to over question everything especially within myself, 1 answer usually throws up 10 more questions in my head. Back to the "fake" doms I think lockdown has contributed to a recent surge as people have been looking into new things to enrich their lives, unfortunately some people dont always find the correct resources straight away and some of the "fake" doms may well become very good doms in a couple of years if they manage to seek out good guidance.
Mr Hayes "Totally agree, if you take the tik toc phenomenon of making handcuffs out of a belt. The amount now people have highlighted it's dangerous so you don't see it as much now. Hopefully, people keep open minds and learn to be good Dominants and submissives. | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes
Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning.
That's just a snippet of the event, it ranged from plain wrong to uncontrollable chaos. Lots of people on this thread are blaming 50 shades, and porn etc... as much as I tend to agree in part that some responsibility lies at their feet, I can't help but ponder how many good D/s relationships hare born from these introductions. My first introductions into a kink lifestyle came when I was an early teenager staying up "an hour" after my parents went to bed and watching programs like euro trash, sexetera and sin cities, they all put a light hearted playful shine on BDSM but were also extremely informative, how many "fake" doms/dommes were born from such programmes, I dont often get involved with these discussions as it usually descends into arguments and sometimes kink shaming, I do however tend to read through them and ask myself if I'm a real dom, the answer I find I keep coming to time and time again is this, I am not A dom, I am Luna's dom and that leads me to another question of if I wasnt with luna would I still be a dom or can you only be a dom if there is a sub to dominate?
Mr Hayes
Euro trash was definitely what opened my eyes to it all. I'm not sure if you need to have a person in your life to qualify as being Dom or sub. I had submissive urges and needs before I was in a D/s relationship. Just being in a D/s dynamic allows me to vent then in a safe environment. But get its different for everyone. F
I understand that, I just tend to over question everything especially within myself, 1 answer usually throws up 10 more questions in my head. Back to the "fake" doms I think lockdown has contributed to a recent surge as people have been looking into new things to enrich their lives, unfortunately some people dont always find the correct resources straight away and some of the "fake" doms may well become very good doms in a couple of years if they manage to seek out good guidance.
Mr Hayes
Totally agree, if you take the tik toc phenomenon of making handcuffs out of a belt. The amount now people have highlighted it's dangerous so you don't see it as much now. Hopefully, people keep open minds and learn to be good Dominants and submissives. "You lost me at tik toc , I'm still figuring out Myspace.
Mr Hayes | |||
"All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse. " Which tends to reinforce the general premise that intoxication and bdsm are not a good combination. | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Mr Hayes. Ohh shit they've got the balls to do that!!!... You need more FemDoms to deal with those pests
At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening
Mr Hayes
My mind has just erupted with so many questions, sorry.
Was this man at all successful with this approach?
What about consent?
Why was he allowed he stay?
All very good questions, however I only have an answer for one of them, from what we observed hes was only successful on one occasion and that was with a "lady" who later in the evening was running around entirely far too intoxicated to behave like an adult (I wont go into details about her behaviour). Needless to say we wont be attending that particular event again as it was poorly put together executed worse.
Mr Hayes
Oh my gosh, sounds pretty awful to me. I think it's what you've described is what gives kink such a bad name. You can't hit people without consent end of. My head has frazzled with the scene you've described, no wonder you're not returning.
That's just a snippet of the event, it ranged from plain wrong to uncontrollable chaos. Lots of people on this thread are blaming 50 shades, and porn etc... as much as I tend to agree in part that some responsibility lies at their feet, I can't help but ponder how many good D/s relationships hare born from these introductions. My first introductions into a kink lifestyle came when I was an early teenager staying up "an hour" after my parents went to bed and watching programs like euro trash, sexetera and sin cities, they all put a light hearted playful shine on BDSM but were also extremely informative, how many "fake" doms/dommes were born from such programmes, I dont often get involved with these discussions as it usually descends into arguments and sometimes kink shaming, I do however tend to read through them and ask myself if I'm a real dom, the answer I find I keep coming to time and time again is this, I am not A dom, I am Luna's dom and that leads me to another question of if I wasnt with luna would I still be a dom or can you only be a dom if there is a sub to dominate?
Mr Hayes
Euro trash was definitely what opened my eyes to it all. I'm not sure if you need to have a person in your life to qualify as being Dom or sub. I had submissive urges and needs before I was in a D/s relationship. Just being in a D/s dynamic allows me to vent then in a safe environment. But get its different for everyone. F
I understand that, I just tend to over question everything especially within myself, 1 answer usually throws up 10 more questions in my head. Back to the "fake" doms I think lockdown has contributed to a recent surge as people have been looking into new things to enrich their lives, unfortunately some people dont always find the correct resources straight away and some of the "fake" doms may well become very good doms in a couple of years if they manage to seek out good guidance.
Mr Hayes
Totally agree, if you take the tik toc phenomenon of making handcuffs out of a belt. The amount now people have highlighted it's dangerous so you don't see it as much now. Hopefully, people keep open minds and learn to be good Dominants and submissives.
You lost me at tik toc , I'm still figuring out Myspace.
Mr Hayes "Haha I know, but there are a few sensual Dominas I follow on it, just because they are awesome. | |||
"It really doesn't matter how people found their interest, it's how they then develop it, or not, that counts. If Fifty Shades, or porn, or whatever, sparks something in someone that then learns more then it has to be a good thing surely? Sadly as with anything else in life there will be people that see those things and don't then take the time to understand them better - but that's not the fault of the thing, but the individual person to a degree." Indeed. How someone arrives at the start of their journey is to a point irrelevant (abusers will abuse). The journey and how you chose to develop as a person is far more important. I’ve made mistakes. If I chose not to watch, listen, learn, practise, grow and educate myself then I would likely be a walking red flag and a danger to others. I try and take time to help others that have a genuine interest, because it also helps me develop when listening to their ideas and concepts. | |||
"It really doesn't matter how people found their interest, it's how they then develop it, or not, that counts. If Fifty Shades, or porn, or whatever, sparks something in someone that then learns more then it has to be a good thing surely? Sadly as with anything else in life there will be people that see those things and don't then take the time to understand them better - but that's not the fault of the thing, but the individual person to a degree. Indeed. How someone arrives at the start of their journey is to a point irrelevant (abusers will abuse). The journey and how you chose to develop as a person is far more important. I’ve made mistakes. If I chose not to watch, listen, learn, practise, grow and educate myself then I would likely be a walking red flag and a danger to others. I try and take time to help others that have a genuine interest, because it also helps me develop when listening to their ideas and concepts." Very well said, we learn the most from our mistakes and nobody's perfect. It's how we move on and learn from those mistakes that define us not the mistakes themselves. Mr Hayes | |||
" At a recent kink event that we escorted 2 of our lovely friends to who are extremely interested in the lifestyle (one is currently under my protection) there was a "gentleman" who simply hovered around the club with his crop s_riking anyone who was showing any bare skin and then demanding they perform oral on him, as he approached one of our friends who was wearing a spanking skirt I gave him "the look" (that I apparently do so well) causing him to quickly change direction, we never saw him again all evening Mr Hayes " This wasn't last week by any chance? I think I know who you mean if it was - if not then it was another "Dom" | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Was this man at all successful with this approach? What about consent? Why was he allowed he stay? If anyone behaved like that at the events or clubs that I gravitate towards then he would have been out of the door after the first unwanted flick of his crop or suggestion that someone should 'provide' him with a blow job. Whilst our organisers do allow single 'gentlemen' to attend events they require that they are vouched for, in advance, by others that will be attending. They're also required to read and agree to the event / club rules which, given the above, they would have breached and would, consequently, have found themselves in the car park with no chance of ever being allowed to attend any future event. He wasn't a single male, his poor sub looked embarrassed all evening, but I agree there is a code of conduct and he should have been dealt with. Mr Hayes " Mr Hayes - not naming names but was the event put on in Portsmouth or near Brighton? I only ask because I attended one of their parties once and the couple running it were very lazy hosts and just let people get on with it - no supervision at all, luckily nobody used the equipment they had set up in an open area while I was there.. Amateurs in my opinion.  | |||
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"It really doesn't matter how people found their interest, it's how they then develop it, or not, that counts. If Fifty Shades, or porn, or whatever, sparks something in someone that then learns more then it has to be a good thing surely? Sadly as with anything else in life there will be people that see those things and don't then take the time to understand them better - but that's not the fault of the thing, but the individual person to a degree. Indeed. How someone arrives at the start of their journey is to a point irrelevant (abusers will abuse). The journey and how you chose to develop as a person is far more important. I’ve made mistakes. If I chose not to watch, listen, learn, practise, grow and educate myself then I would likely be a walking red flag and a danger to others. I try and take time to help others that have a genuine interest, because it also helps me develop when listening to their ideas and concepts. Very well said, we learn the most from our mistakes and nobody's perfect. It's how we move on and learn from those mistakes that define us not the mistakes themselves. Mr Hayes " It may have been last week 
I dont believe I had the pleasure of speaking with you whilst we were there it was a little chaotic, shame really as I hear nothing but good things about you from mutual acquaintances.
Mr Hayes | |||
"It's not just on here, some are turning up at kink events also and making a nuisance of themselves. Was this man at all successful with this approach? What about consent? Why was he allowed he stay? If anyone behaved like that at the events or clubs that I gravitate towards then he would have been out of the door after the first unwanted flick of his crop or suggestion that someone should 'provide' him with a blow job. Whilst our organisers do allow single 'gentlemen' to attend events they require that they are vouched for, in advance, by others that will be attending. They're also required to read and agree to the event / club rules which, given the above, they would have breached and would, consequently, have found themselves in the car park with no chance of ever being allowed to attend any future event. He wasn't a single male, his poor sub looked embarrassed all evening, but I agree there is a code of conduct and he should have been dealt with. Mr Hayes Mr Hayes - not naming names but was the event put on in Portsmouth or near Brighton? I only ask because I attended one of their parties once and the couple running it were very lazy hosts and just let people get on with it - no supervision at all, luckily nobody used the equipment they had set up in an open area while I was there.. Amateurs in my opinion. "It was little more north than that, we tend not to venture too far at the moment. Mr Hayes | |||
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"Haven't we been over this subject, like 1000 times already on the forums of recent. Sorry, but it feels a little like Groundhog Day. " Like most threads that appear with regularity you mean? And I think this particular topic is worthy of regular and ongoing discussion - if just one person reads it and has their eyes opened or is educated by it when it's discussed then surely it's a good thing? | |||
"Very very VERY easy to spot a wannabe: 1. Respect and submission should be earned, not expected. 2. If he sounds like a dick - he is a dick. Not a Dom. It's really as simple as that. Oh and anyone who calls themselves Mr grey or calls you any derogatory names before they've met you - they're not Doms. " This pretty much. Nobody can be an insta Dom with knowing the sub he or she is wanting to Dom. | |||
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"I (Senpai) don't advertise myself as Dom, and Seiko didn't explicitly say she was sub before or during our first meet. But the vibes, and the feel of that encounter set the theme, and it was clear the kind of roles we would play together. But it is also somsthing that develops and evolves! I am lucky to have found Seiko, and respect the gift of her submission which she has given me so freely and fully!" Love this!! It always surprises me that some people see submission as a right they are due, and not a gift that is given only when the time is right. When I met Sir, I’d only ever been the one in control. My ex partner was only ever submissive, he wanted me to Domme him, we were together two and a half years, but we didn’t meet sexually until we’d known each other two months, and knew it was something we both wanted. So when I found myself sat on the floor, head on Sir’s knee, feeling the safest I have ever felt with anyone, and it feeling right and natural, and not wanting to be in control, we knew that we would meet again, and eventually we did establish the roles within our dynamic. So glad you’ve found each other xx | |||
"I’d just like the 50 shades hate to stop to be honest. All of the people I have met that got interested in the scene by reading it were women. Most of the accounts I hear about dangerous dominants revolve around the dominants experience being watching copious amounts of extreme porn. 50 shades is easy to hate because its popular, yet I never hear those same people denouncing some of the more unrealistic porn brands. " THIS! When 50 shade first came out I was involved in running some of the biggest BDSM events in the country. So yes, I read it (or actually them) Yes it's tripe and yes it depicts bad relationships for many reasons. But there has always been *something* that led people to BDSM and it's the job of those on the scene (especially those running events) to educate and encourage new people with healthy practices and better source material. Some of the mainstream porn is far worse with regards to setting expectations of even vanilla men. | |||
"I’d just like the 50 shades hate to stop to be honest. All of the people I have met that got interested in the scene by reading it were women. Most of the accounts I hear about dangerous dominants revolve around the dominants experience being watching copious amounts of extreme porn. 50 shades is easy to hate because its popular, yet I never hear those same people denouncing some of the more unrealistic porn brands. THIS! When 50 shade first came out I was involved in running some of the biggest BDSM events in the country. So yes, I read it (or actually them) Yes it's tripe and yes it depicts bad relationships for many reasons. But there has always been *something* that led people to BDSM and it's the job of those on the scene (especially those running events) to educate and encourage new people with healthy practices and better source material. Some of the mainstream porn is far worse with regards to setting expectations of even vanilla men. " Yup, 50 shades should only really be denounced for its writing style. Someone tempted into BDSM would’ve been tempted through another medium eventually. If anything it’s made it more mainstream and acceptable to talk about with partners. Which I don’t see as bad. Agree with a lot of the previous posts though, that the doms, whether fake or delusional will advertise themselves. | |||
"I’d just like the 50 shades hate to stop to be honest. All of the people I have met that got interested in the scene by reading it were women. Most of the accounts I hear about dangerous dominants revolve around the dominants experience being watching copious amounts of extreme porn. 50 shades is easy to hate because its popular, yet I never hear those same people denouncing some of the more unrealistic porn brands. THIS! When 50 shade first came out I was involved in running some of the biggest BDSM events in the country. So yes, I read it (or actually them) Yes it's tripe and yes it depicts bad relationships for many reasons. But there has always been *something* that led people to BDSM and it's the job of those on the scene (especially those running events) to educate and encourage new people with healthy practices and better source material. Some of the mainstream porn is far worse with regards to setting expectations of even vanilla men. " I agree. We found that the attitude of many established people on the scene was so elitist, patronising and dismissive that we didn't bother and now just do our own thing | |||
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"Haven't we been over this subject, like 1000 times already on the forums of recent. Sorry, but it feels a little like Groundhog Day. " You'll find my friend, that a lot of subjects are repeated over time. You however, have a choice not to read them ... | |||
"Haven't we been over this subject, like 1000 times already on the forums of recent. Sorry, but it feels a little like Groundhog Day. Like most threads that appear with regularity you mean? And I think this particular topic is worthy of regular and ongoing discussion - if just one person reads it and has their eyes opened or is educated by it when it's discussed then surely it's a good thing? " I always find your comments and those of a certain Mr Zensual very insightful. I think though that this subject has a particular habit of going in circles. Instead of thread-bashing any more than I have, I'll PM you my thinking, if that's ok with you? | |||
"Haven't we been over this subject, like 1000 times already on the forums of recent. Sorry, but it feels a little like Groundhog Day. Like most threads that appear with regularity you mean? And I think this particular topic is worthy of regular and ongoing discussion - if just one person reads it and has their eyes opened or is educated by it when it's discussed then surely it's a good thing? I always find your comments and those of a certain Mr Zensual very insightful. I think though that this subject has a particular habit of going in circles. Instead of thread-bashing any more than I have, I'll PM you my thinking, if that's ok with you?" Sure - feel free | |||
" I agree. We found that the attitude of many established people on the scene was so elitist, patronising and dismissive that we didn't bother and now just do our own thing" that makes me sad. Event organisers (in my opinion) should work hard to make sure that isn't the atmosphere and attitude at their events.
Cliques are harder to overcome, especially in a scene where privacy is paramount and people's livelihoods and families are at risk, it's why I don't show my face, why my scene name is the only thing I use (Lady Jayne or just Jayne is what I will introduce myself as).
But now I'm not running events, do I spend most of my time with friends... Yeah I do, we try to talk and be welcoming to others but those who are now friends in all walks of life will always be easier to talk to etc... | |||
" I agree. We found that the attitude of many established people on the scene was so elitist, patronising and dismissive that we didn't bother and now just do our own thing that makes me sad. Event organisers (in my opinion) should work hard to make sure that isn't the atmosphere and attitude at their events.
Cliques are harder to overcome, especially in a scene where privacy is paramount and people's livelihoods and families are at risk, it's why I don't show my face, why my scene name is the only thing I use (Lady Jayne or just Jayne is what I will introduce myself as).
But now I'm not running events, do I spend most of my time with friends... Yeah I do, we try to talk and be welcoming to others but those who are now friends in all walks of life will always be easier to talk to etc... "We have met one or two people indivually who are open and friendly. We're happy as we are . We also attended ordinary swinger's socials where the hosts made a huge effort to include everyone.
I agree that cliques are difficult if not impossible to overcome. | |||
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"The fake Doms are everywhere. Some do genuinely *want* to be a Dom, some are naturally dominant but not really Doms but others, and there seems to be a rising number of these across all platforms, are just abusive, misogynistic bastards looking for naive women to exploit " Plus ca change! | |||
Elle xx | |||
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"I’m interested to be, but I would rather meet someone, have some fun and gain trust between each other and work up to that scenario" We have a winner | |||
"I’d just like the 50 shades hate to stop to be honest. All of the people I have met that got interested in the scene by reading it were women. Most of the accounts I hear about dangerous dominants revolve around the dominants experience being watching copious amounts of extreme porn. 50 shades is easy to hate because its popular, yet I never hear those same people denouncing some of the more unrealistic porn brands. THIS! When 50 shade first came out I was involved in running some of the biggest BDSM events in the country. So yes, I read it (or actually them) Yes it's tripe and yes it depicts bad relationships for many reasons. But there has always been *something* that led people to BDSM and it's the job of those on the scene (especially those running events) to educate and encourage new people with healthy practices and better source material. Some of the mainstream porn is far worse with regards to setting expectations of even vanilla men. I agree. We found that the attitude of many established people on the scene was so elitist, patronising and dismissive that we didn't bother and now just do our own thing " oh lord not the "one twoo way idiots " far to many of those about | |||
"Anyone else tired of the many fake wannabe dominants on here? I'm sure there are a few real ones but the fakes are making it hard to filter who's real and who's not. I mean they send you 2 messages and expect you to call them sir or master, with all these other rules and orders lol "I've had the opposite lol, I'm generally pretty dominant, be that in conversations or actually meeting but when it comes to fab I'm trying to get to know the person or couple I'm talking to so I tend to just talk to somebody as a person not a sex toy and then get told I don't "seem" dominant.... I'm not looking for a text 5lave haha | |||
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