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Shyness is Nice...

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

But shyness can stop you, from doing all the things in life you’d like to..’

Are you shy, and how does this affect your life choices ? Is it an attractive quality or one you’d happily discard ?

Mini magnum ice cream to first person who gets the song reference.

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By *uke olovingmanMan  over a year ago

Gravesend

Is there something you'd like to try?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Is there something you'd like to try? "

Many things in the past but you know, too shy

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By *adetMan  over a year ago

South of Ipswich

Ask me I won't say no, how could I

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Ask me I won't say no, how could I "

Not very shy then !

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"But shyness can stop you, from doing all the things in life you’d like to..’

Are you shy, and how does this affect your life choices ? Is it an attractive quality or one you’d happily discard ?

Mini magnum ice cream to first person who gets the song reference. "

I do love a good smiths song OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"But shyness can stop you, from doing all the things in life you’d like to..’

Are you shy, and how does this affect your life choices ? Is it an attractive quality or one you’d happily discard ?

Mini magnum ice cream to first person who gets the song reference.

I do love a good smiths song OP "

Thank Tom, you only have to Ask

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By *adetMan  over a year ago

South of Ipswich


"Ask me I won't say no, how could I

Not very shy then !"

Soz, I thought we were doing The Smiths

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"But shyness can stop you, from doing all the things in life you’d like to..’

Are you shy, and how does this affect your life choices ? Is it an attractive quality or one you’d happily discard ?

Mini magnum ice cream to first person who gets the song reference. "

Awh I love that song...Ask Me by Morrisey.

I find shyness in a guy very unattractive tbh though

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By *a LunaWoman  over a year ago

South Wales

I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

It affects dating. Dates are a nightmare. Trying to get conversation out of me is hard work, and who can be bothered with that?

It affects my parenting. Kids parties? Nightmare. I’m usually sat alone because the other mums think I’m aloof. So we may not get invited to another one.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman  over a year ago

On a mooch

Just here for the mini magnum Mr Smith

To answer the OP, no shyness probably hasn’t stopped me doing something in life, didn’t have an option to be shy growing up. If anything it’s more that element of the unknown that would stop me.

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By *igmaMan  over a year ago

Yorkshire

What difference does it make?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I’m very much attracted to shy, it really really turns me on. I find shy and quiet men are usually the naughtiest. I love spending time opening them up, and making them confident. I enjoy seeing someone becoming empowered, nothing make me more horny x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Shy........ Not sure what it means.

Many people are 'shy' in a new situation or around new people.

I've put it in inverted commas because they are NOT shy - just busy summing up the new situation and people.

Others are far from shy but 'shy away' from doing certain things.

I'm really not sure that people are shy all of the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Ask me I won't say no, how could I

Not very shy then !

Soz, I thought we were doing The Smiths "

All Smiths references welcome !

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'd argue that shyness is not nice too.

Why is it nice Leo ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Ask me I won't say no, how could I

Not very shy then !

Soz, I thought we were doing The Smiths

All Smiths references welcome !"

I prefer cheese n onion

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By *reamblueMan  over a year ago

London


"I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

It affects dating. Dates are a nightmare. Trying to get conversation out of me is hard work, and who can be bothered with that?

It affects my parenting. Kids parties? Nightmare. I’m usually sat alone because the other mums think I’m aloof. So we may not get invited to another one.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

"

This makes me sad and I can relate to it. My take on it now is that it's our society which prizes loud mouth behaviour and shames people who are quiet. This encourages people to be fake which is possibly what's happening to some of the mums in your group. Hold your nerve and eke out the ones more like you. I bet deep down they would prefer to hang out with you...

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

"

Thanks for sharing those experiences. I was also very shy as a younger man so can identify with all of that. The impression that you are aloof or distant only makes things worse and sometimes I felt it was an excuse not to make any effort to really get to know you. When I met someone who recognised the shyness and worked a little to get past it it was such a relief and pleasure. I hope you’ve also found some of those.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I find it difficult to interact in certain situations but often that's as much to do with other people as it is me.

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By *rHotNottsMan  over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I quite like quiet complex reserved people, there’s so much going on under the surface and when you finally get a conversation it’s feels special. I’m the opposite! When I meet people like myself we tend to wear each other out in conversation

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Just here for the mini magnum Mr Smith

To answer the OP, no shyness probably hasn’t stopped me doing something in life, didn’t have an option to be shy growing up. If anything it’s more that element of the unknown that would stop me. "

You’re officially in Mini magnum credit now.

Did you grow up in a large family where you had to make yourself heard ? I wonder if shy people are more likely to have been solitary children.

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By *innie The MinxWoman  over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"I find it difficult to interact in certain situations but often that's as much to do with other people as it is me."

I'm the same but I think that's more social awkwardness rather than shyness for me.

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By *unloversCouple  over a year ago

rotherham

I quite like a shy guy especially when we see them emerge out of a little

Few drinks and our company then soon let their hair down

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I’m very much attracted to shy, it really really turns me on. I find shy and quiet men are usually the naughtiest. I love spending time opening them up, and making them confident. I enjoy seeing someone becoming empowered, nothing make me more horny x"

I also like a slow reveal, personality speaking. I’m hope many hot shy guys and girls will be in touch !

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I find it difficult to interact in certain situations but often that's as much to do with other people as it is me.

I'm the same but I think that's more social awkwardness rather than shyness for me."

I was thinking of when our kids were small and I attended mother and toddler groups. The level of cliqueyness was astounding and approaching two or three women whose body language clearly says go away isn't something I relish .

Since those times I try to always include lone people in social or work situations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I'd argue that shyness is not nice too.

Why is it nice Leo ?"

You can blame Morrisey for ‘nice’ but it can be endearing and attractive, I’ve found. Most shy people have a lot they don’t show everyone so when you have their trust it can create a very special connection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"What difference does it make?"

Well, I wonder...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I wouldn't say I was shy as such but I don't really have much to say to people...If you chat I will talk to you but I won't strike up a conversation first.

I like to sit and watch, you get a very good idea of who is who and who to avoid.

I get accused of being aloof, but I'm not, I just don't have much to say

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I wouldn't say I was shy as such but I don't really have much to say to people...If you chat I will talk to you but I won't strike up a conversation first.

I like to sit and watch, you get a very good idea of who is who and who to avoid.

I get accused of being aloof, but I'm not, I just don't have much to say "

Reserved rather than shy ? And again with the accusation of being aloof As a poster mentioned above, perhaps our society overvalues loud and extrovert behaviour at the expense of the thoughtful and considerate ?

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I'd argue that shyness is not nice too.

Why is it nice Leo ?

You can blame Morrisey for ‘nice’ but it can be endearing and attractive, I’ve found. Most shy people have a lot they don’t show everyone so when you have their trust it can create a very special connection."

Because you've had to work a bit harder at it?

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By *ofdiamondsMan  over a year ago

Between wisbech & Kings lynn

I'm definitely naturally shy/self conscious but really easygoing and bubbly once I'm comfortable

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Cumshot on a sleeping pussy

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By *igmaMan  over a year ago

Yorkshire


"What difference does it make?

Well, I wonder..."

Started something you couldn’t finish?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I wouldn't say I was shy as such but I don't really have much to say to people...If you chat I will talk to you but I won't strike up a conversation first.

I like to sit and watch, you get a very good idea of who is who and who to avoid.

I get accused of being aloof, but I'm not, I just don't have much to say

Reserved rather than shy ? And again with the accusation of being aloof As a poster mentioned above, perhaps our society overvalues loud and extrovert behaviour at the expense of the thoughtful and considerate ?"

Reserved is a good description, I give nothing away and tell people what I want them to know. Especially at work, I'm pretty private.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I wouldn't say I was shy as such but I don't really have much to say to people...If you chat I will talk to you but I won't strike up a conversation first.

I like to sit and watch, you get a very good idea of who is who and who to avoid.

I get accused of being aloof, but I'm not, I just don't have much to say

Reserved rather than shy ? And again with the accusation of being aloof As a poster mentioned above, perhaps our society overvalues loud and extrovert behaviour at the expense of the thoughtful and considerate ?"

There is an in between and often loud and extrovert is concealing something, you have to work just as hard to get to know the real person as you do with someone whose shy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I'd argue that shyness is not nice too.

Why is it nice Leo ?

You can blame Morrisey for ‘nice’ but it can be endearing and attractive, I’ve found. Most shy people have a lot they don’t show everyone so when you have their trust it can create a very special connection.

Because you've had to work a bit harder at it?"

I think so. Someone taking that extra

effort to get past the surface shyness, and hopefully rewarded by getting to know someone that others don’t always see. I was always touched when anyone did this with me.

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By *rMojoRisinMan  over a year ago

Sheffield

People laugh, very loudly, when I say I’m shy, mainly because I overcompensate so much. It’s taken me many decades to learn to deal with it.

It can be done though, and it’s much easier on here than in person!

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"

Reserved rather than shy ? And again with the accusation of being aloof As a poster mentioned above, perhaps our society overvalues loud and extrovert behaviour at the expense of the thoughtful and considerate ?

There is an in between and often loud and extrovert is concealing something, you have to work just as hard to get to know the real person as you do with someone whose shy."

That’s a very good point. I also think there’s a crossover between very introverted and very extrovert behaviour. Many public performers, actors, singers, etc are very shy in private I believe.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd argue that shyness is not nice too.

Why is it nice Leo ?

You can blame Morrisey for ‘nice’ but it can be endearing and attractive, I’ve found. Most shy people have a lot they don’t show everyone so when you have their trust it can create a very special connection.

Because you've had to work a bit harder at it?

I think so. Someone taking that extra

effort to get past the surface shyness, and hopefully rewarded by getting to know someone that others don’t always see. I was always touched when anyone did this with me."

This is me, I don't notice the loud extrovert. I always look for the quieter ones and the ones sat alone. Those people I will seek out. A bit like I do on Fab really

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

It affects dating. Dates are a nightmare. Trying to get conversation out of me is hard work, and who can be bothered with that?

It affects my parenting. Kids parties? Nightmare. I’m usually sat alone because the other mums think I’m aloof. So we may not get invited to another one.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

"

But i bet the friends you have are qaulity, trust me don't even bother yourself with the mum brigade, if someone doesnt take the time to get to know you its thier loss, your child is being invited to the party not you, and dependant on their age, you dont even need to be there, drop and go!

Do they really think your aloof or is that what you think they think? I know someone said that too you but are you taking that comment with you everywhere you go. You maybe aloof in some situations, you may also be bored with some of the conversations. Just wondering

When your sat alone do you use your phone as a comforter? I ask as I'm the one who would come and talk to you but if your heads in a phone I'd maybe think you were busy with something. Trust me, the gregarious outgoing ones are also hiding behind it. Sometimes it's just about standing with them, if you want to of course. Come secondary school you want see these people at all! And genrally that little group are boring as fuck! Clearly you are not you are here! Which may not be about the scene but shows you have an open curious mind. Although not everyone on here has an open curious mind!

I've had many quiet silent friends they enjoyed me in a way others didn't, I didn't always understand why, but I was happy they were happy

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"People laugh, very loudly, when I say I’m shy, mainly because I overcompensate so much. It’s taken me many decades to learn to deal with it.

It can be done though, and it’s much easier on here than in person! "

This is me ! My work involves lots of people and I’m very outgoing there. Colleagues think I’m joking if I say I’m prone to shyness.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"What difference does it make?

Well, I wonder...

Started something you couldn’t finish?"

These things take time

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I quite like a shy guy especially when we see them emerge out of a little

Few drinks and our company then soon let their hair down

Xxx"

Thank you. Us shy guys need you extroverts sometimes to help break the shell.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman  over a year ago

On a mooch


"Just here for the mini magnum Mr Smith

To answer the OP, no shyness probably hasn’t stopped me doing something in life, didn’t have an option to be shy growing up. If anything it’s more that element of the unknown that would stop me.

You’re officially in Mini magnum credit now.

Did you grow up in a large family where you had to make yourself heard ? I wonder if shy people are more likely to have been solitary children."

No quite the opposite I’m a single child, however we moved a lot when I was growing up. Could be somewhere for a month, 6 months a year or more, so didn’t have time to be shy.

If you wanted a friend you went out on day one, explore the neighbourhood, approach the other children or talk to others on day one of a new school it would have been a very solitary life.

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By *igmaMan  over a year ago

Yorkshire


"What difference does it make?

Well, I wonder...

Started something you couldn’t finish?

These things take time"

You just haven’t earned it yet baby !

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"

Did you grow up in a large family where you had to make yourself heard ? I wonder if shy people are more likely to have been solitary children.

No quite the opposite I’m a single child, however we moved a lot when I was growing up. Could be somewhere for a month, 6 months a year or more, so didn’t have time to be shy.

If you wanted a friend you went out on day one, explore the neighbourhood, approach the other children or talk to others on day one of a new school it would have been a very solitary life. "

That all makes a lot of sense. When I was a child we moved from a busy street with lots of people around to quite an isolated house and looking back I think that made me more introverted than I would have been.

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By *otSoPoshWoman  over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm painfully shy in person. And it can make life so difficult.

Yet no one would ever know in a group, because I can be the life and soul of the party on the outside. It's what made me a good barmaid.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"What difference does it make?

Well, I wonder...

Started something you couldn’t finish?

These things take time

You just haven’t earned it yet baby !"

Handsome Devil

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I'm painfully shy in person. And it can make life so difficult.

Yet no one would ever know in a group, because I can be the life and soul of the party on the outside. It's what made me a good barmaid."

I think this is such a common experience for shy people, as others have noted. We need a Fab social for all the shy ones - I bet it would be wild !

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By *a LunaWoman  over a year ago

South Wales


"I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

It affects dating. Dates are a nightmare. Trying to get conversation out of me is hard work, and who can be bothered with that?

It affects my parenting. Kids parties? Nightmare. I’m usually sat alone because the other mums think I’m aloof. So we may not get invited to another one.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

But i bet the friends you have are qaulity, trust me don't even bother yourself with the mum brigade, if someone doesnt take the time to get to know you its thier loss, your child is being invited to the party not you, and dependant on their age, you dont even need to be there, drop and go!

Do they really think your aloof or is that what you think they think? I know someone said that too you but are you taking that comment with you everywhere you go. You maybe aloof in some situations, you may also be bored with some of the conversations. Just wondering

When your sat alone do you use your phone as a comforter? I ask as I'm the one who would come and talk to you but if your heads in a phone I'd maybe think you were busy with something. Trust me, the gregarious outgoing ones are also hiding behind it. Sometimes it's just about standing with them, if you want to of course. Come secondary school you want see these people at all! And genrally that little group are boring as fuck! Clearly you are not you are here! Which may not be about the scene but shows you have an open curious mind. Although not everyone on here has an open curious mind!

I've had many quiet silent friends they enjoyed me in a way others didn't, I didn't always understand why, but I was happy they were happy"

Hi,

The last kids party I went to I was actually told I appeared aloof and stand offish by one of the mums (they’d got talking to me and realised I was just shy), which made me more self conscious if anything.

I don’t use the phone , apart to check the time or see if I’ve had a text, my youngest has asd so I’m constantly keeping an eye on him as he has no sense of boundaries or a sense of danger, so you enter a room and are quietly scanning it for potential risks rather than, say, maybe catching the eye of someone I recognise and smiling to seem more approachable, so I can understand how I could seem like I’m not interested in chatting.

You just feel self conscious about it all after awhile and that makes it feel worse.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another."

That’s certainly not what I meant!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

It affects dating. Dates are a nightmare. Trying to get conversation out of me is hard work, and who can be bothered with that?

It affects my parenting. Kids parties? Nightmare. I’m usually sat alone because the other mums think I’m aloof. So we may not get invited to another one.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

But i bet the friends you have are qaulity, trust me don't even bother yourself with the mum brigade, if someone doesnt take the time to get to know you its thier loss, your child is being invited to the party not you, and dependant on their age, you dont even need to be there, drop and go!

Do they really think your aloof or is that what you think they think? I know someone said that too you but are you taking that comment with you everywhere you go. You maybe aloof in some situations, you may also be bored with some of the conversations. Just wondering

When your sat alone do you use your phone as a comforter? I ask as I'm the one who would come and talk to you but if your heads in a phone I'd maybe think you were busy with something. Trust me, the gregarious outgoing ones are also hiding behind it. Sometimes it's just about standing with them, if you want to of course. Come secondary school you want see these people at all! And genrally that little group are boring as fuck! Clearly you are not you are here! Which may not be about the scene but shows you have an open curious mind. Although not everyone on here has an open curious mind!

I've had many quiet silent friends they enjoyed me in a way others didn't, I didn't always understand why, but I was happy they were happy

Hi,

The last kids party I went to I was actually told I appeared aloof and stand offish by one of the mums (they’d got talking to me and realised I was just shy), which made me more self conscious if anything.

I don’t use the phone , apart to check the time or see if I’ve had a text, my youngest has asd so I’m constantly keeping an eye on him as he has no sense of boundaries or a sense of danger, so you enter a room and are quietly scanning it for potential risks rather than, say, maybe catching the eye of someone I recognise and smiling to seem more approachable, so I can understand how I could seem like I’m not interested in chatting.

You just feel self conscious about it all after awhile and that makes it feel worse. "

I hear you, i hope you heard my message the way i intended it.

O I know asd.

Feeling that way I would say gices you the gift to understand how people who are different also feel, especially the nuerodifferent

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!"

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another."

I don't understand this post, please help me to

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'm not sure "shy" is the right word for me - "reserved" was used further up and is possibly a better description, whatever it is though, with me it comes down to two things that are linked - self-confidence and feeling comfortable in a situation.

I'm not overly self-confident and so tend to be the person that sits quietly taking things in and hoping others will engage me rather than me them, or waiting until I feel comfortable enough to relax a little and open up. A classic "prize me out of my shell" person.

Once I am prized out of that shell though both the confidence and the comfort levels rise and the problem is getting me back in the shell!!

Curiously both my Mum and my brother were/are the kind of people that could walk into a pub or shop and walk out having made lifelong friends so I go against the family grain there.

Also if I'm with someone who is more outgoing it tends to bring it out in me too.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I'm awfully shy and anxious and it has impacted my life for sure. I'm slowly getting better as the years go by, but it's not easy and some people can be so rude and instantly judge and label you as ignorant and uninterested.

I think shy people can be equally wonderful as those who are more confident, but it takes a little more patience and understanding to figure them out.

I like the gentle confident types who work with you to bring you out of your shell and make the effort because they know you are trying your best.

I would never discard anyone because they struggled with being shy! I'd happily meet them but I'd tell them to expect lots of awkward silences and knee slaps.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface. "

Is this aimed at me? If so my suggestion of under the surface was suggesting what not so posh voiced.

That people can mask really well. Especially those who are nuerodifferent.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

I don't understand this post, please help me to "

I'm getting the impression that some people think getting to know a shy person will be more rewarding. I could be wrong.

I think that it takes effort to get to know anybody, shyness is one of a number of possible stumbling blocks.

I'm just discussing, I do that sometimes and it's often misunderstood as me attempting to say people are wrong. I put "I think" to indicate it's my opinion but I accept that might not be clear.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface.

Is this aimed at me? If so my suggestion of under the surface was suggesting what not so posh voiced.

That people can mask really well. Especially those who are nuerodifferent."

Nope. I'm not aiming at anybody. As I said I was attempting a discussion.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface.

Is this aimed at me? If so my suggestion of under the surface was suggesting what not so posh voiced.

That people can mask really well. Especially those who are nuerodifferent.

Nope. I'm not aiming at anybody. As I said I was attempting a discussion.

"

i reckon this one is very shy

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By *eliWoman  over a year ago

.


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

I don't understand this post, please help me to

I'm getting the impression that some people think getting to know a shy person will be more rewarding. I could be wrong.

I think that it takes effort to get to know anybody, shyness is one of a number of possible stumbling blocks.

I'm just discussing, I do that sometimes and it's often misunderstood as me attempting to say people are wrong. I put "I think" to indicate it's my opinion but I accept that might not be clear. "

I had a similar thought reading through the thread. Getting to know anyone can be rewarding and being shy doesn't make it more so. As a society we seem to prefer people to be demure, not to be confident and outgoing. I don't quite understand that.

I can be quite shy at times, I'm on the spectrum so can find new environments and people a bit of an overload to process. On the other hand sometimes I can come across as being quite confident.

Anyway, being shy isn't a bad thing nor is it an undesirable way of being. Neither is being confident.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I’m very shy in person. It has impacted my ability to make friends as I never initiate conversation, which I have been told makes me appear aloof.

I rely heavily on the other person being outgoing and chatty, and persistent, chipping away at my shell of shyness until I reach a point where I am comfortable with them.

It affects dating. Dates are a nightmare. Trying to get conversation out of me is hard work, and who can be bothered with that?

It affects my parenting. Kids parties? Nightmare. I’m usually sat alone because the other mums think I’m aloof. So we may not get invited to another one.

I would much rather be the outgoing and gregarious person who makes friends easily, lights up a room with friendliness and who folk gravitate to.

"

Ah this makes me ache a little as I relate with so much of what you're saying. And with the parenting, ever since becoming a mum, it's more pressure as I want to be that parent who gets involved in everything but it always feels so difficult.

I hope in time, more confidence will come to you. X

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By *rad670Man  over a year ago

South Lakes

I'm fairly shy by nature and it was obviously a problem on her so had to face it and build more confidence and not be backward in coming forward to get some conversations going that have ended positively in some instances. It's a hard balance to project confidence without appearing to be arrogant. I find shyness in a lady quite appealing but can also stall conversation if the ice is not broken quickly.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

I don't understand this post, please help me to

I'm getting the impression that some people think getting to know a shy person will be more rewarding. I could be wrong.

I think that it takes effort to get to know anybody, shyness is one of a number of possible stumbling blocks.

I'm just discussing, I do that sometimes and it's often misunderstood as me attempting to say people are wrong. I put "I think" to indicate it's my opinion but I accept that might not be clear. "

I got ya.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface.

Is this aimed at me? If so my suggestion of under the surface was suggesting what not so posh voiced.

That people can mask really well. Especially those who are nuerodifferent.

Nope. I'm not aiming at anybody. As I said I was attempting a discussion.

"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface.

Is this aimed at me? If so my suggestion of under the surface was suggesting what not so posh voiced.

That people can mask really well. Especially those who are nuerodifferent.

Nope. I'm not aiming at anybody. As I said I was attempting a discussion.

i reckon this one is very shy "

Who me or nice?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

I don't understand this post, please help me to

I'm getting the impression that some people think getting to know a shy person will be more rewarding. I could be wrong.

I think that it takes effort to get to know anybody, shyness is one of a number of possible stumbling blocks.

I'm just discussing, I do that sometimes and it's often misunderstood as me attempting to say people are wrong. I put "I think" to indicate it's my opinion but I accept that might not be clear.

I had a similar thought reading through the thread. Getting to know anyone can be rewarding and being shy doesn't make it more so. As a society we seem to prefer people to be demure, not to be confident and outgoing. I don't quite understand that.

I can be quite shy at times, I'm on the spectrum so can find new environments and people a bit of an overload to process. On the other hand sometimes I can come across as being quite confident.

Anyway, being shy isn't a bad thing nor is it an undesirable way of being. Neither is being confident."

Fyi my thumbs up mean I agree or I've got it

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I don't think it's right to suggest that putting the effort in to get to know a shy person will offer more than putting the effort in to get to know someone who isn't shy. Both take time and commitment and one person isn't better to know simply because they are less outgoing than another.

That’s certainly not what I meant!

I know but other people have used words like "rewarded" and suggested that any people have more going on under the surface.

Is this aimed at me? If so my suggestion of under the surface was suggesting what not so posh voiced.

That people can mask really well. Especially those who are nuerodifferent.

Nope. I'm not aiming at anybody. As I said I was attempting a discussion.

"

Thank you And thanks to everyone who’s shared personal experiences and feelings on the thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"

I had a similar thought reading through the thread. Getting to know anyone can be rewarding and being shy doesn't make it more so. As a society we seem to prefer people to be demure, not to be confident and outgoing. I don't quite understand that.

I can be quite shy at times, I'm on the spectrum so can find new environments and people a bit of an overload to process. On the other hand sometimes I can come across as being quite confident.

Anyway, being shy isn't a bad thing nor is it an undesirable way of being. Neither is being confident."

I agree with last para. Introversion or extroversion are just different ways of being, not good or bad in themselves.

Also as touched on, extrovert behaviour can be as much of a ‘mask’ as shyness and behind that mask may lay a very different person. The human experiences always fascinates !

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I'm fairly shy by nature and it was obviously a problem on her so had to face it and build more confidence and not be backward in coming forward to get some conversations going that have ended positively in some instances. It's a hard balance to project confidence without appearing to be arrogant. I find shyness in a lady quite appealing but can also stall conversation if the ice is not broken quickly."

Good point about the balance between confidence and arrogance, especially if we have to build ourselves up to be more confident.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I'm fair too shy for my own good, it can be quite socially crippling.

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